Overheard on Facebook

[Papa Mustache]

Sometimes you might make more money but your lower income friend spends far more on "stuff and things" further worsening their savings situation making their cash flow problem a "DUH!" moment.

Feels good to be wise enough to put back some acorns for later. In my case it was education by failures. Don't want to be broke? Do something about it!

[Kitsune]

Sometimes you might make more money but your lower income friend spends far more on "stuff and things" further worsening their savings situation making their cash flow problem a "DUH!" moment.

Feels good to be wise enough to put back some acorns for later. In my case it was education by failures. Don't want to be broke? Do something about it!

Oh, yeah, totally. If you make half what I do but spend more than I do, that's just not gonna work at some point.

But I have low-income friends who DO save, but... y'know. Less. Because there's less to go around. And that's not actually shameful, that's just a fact of life/math.

[Half-Borg]

This happens so often, that I can't count.
Someone says how long they saved for a vacation/dental works/electronics, while I'm thinking: "I pay that out of cash flow"

Well, to be fair, a lot of the time when that happens to me, I know for a fact that my household income is about 3-4 times what theirs is (and, to be clear: our household income is decent and we're running 2 average canadian salaries in a relatively LCOL area, but we're not bringing in the big bucks either!) What your cashflow is does kind of depend on your allocations of money, but also on how much money there is to go around, period.

Obviously, you're right.
But the people I'm talking about are of the same age, the same income level and the same amount of kids (none).
Most of them even are DINKs, so there is really no excuse.

[Proud Foot]

This happens so often, that I can't count.
Someone says how long they saved for a vacation/dental works/electronics, while I'm thinking: "I pay that out of cash flow"

Well, to be fair, a lot of the time when that happens to me, I know for a fact that my household income is about 3-4 times what theirs is (and, to be clear: our household income is decent and we're running 2 average canadian salaries in a relatively LCOL area, but we're not bringing in the big bucks either!) What your cashflow is does kind of depend on your allocations of money, but also on how much money there is to go around, period.

Obviously, you're right.
But the people I'm talking about are of the same age, the same income level and the same amount of kids (none).
Most of them even are DINKs, so there is really no excuse.

At least they saved for it rather than putting it on a credit card they cannot pay right away?

[kimmarg]

$216 car registration? Aren't registration prices usually based on the price of the vehicle?  Did this person spend their entire salary on the car?

My 2013 Honda Fit registers for that in my state. Depends where you live....

[zolotiyeruki]

Yeah, registration in Texas was $55/year. Here in IL it's $101.  In some places it's based on the value of the car and/or its age.

One thing that caught DW and me by surprise was when we moved to TX and had to pay a bunch more to register our car for the first time.  That was annoying.

[russianswinga]

Registration for my wife's 2011 Mazda 3 (frugal vehicle worth about $6k) in California was $230 just last month.

[Kaydedid]

Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.

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[RWD]

Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.

How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?

[Proud Foot]

Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.

How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?

Not sure on the payment being too low to cover interest.  My guess is the salesman convinced them to buy the extended warranty, gap insurance, etc along with rolling in the balance of the trade-in.

[zephyr911]

Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.

How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?

20% interest on $20K is $4k, or about $155 biweekly. The payment is almost 70% interest, but it's not negative amortization.
As for how the balance managed to go up by another $14k, either they just didn't pay it for years, or it has something to do with the fine print, which isn't all visible there. I wonder if by "simple interest" they mean a fixed charge accrued up front....

[Kaydedid]

Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.

How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?

I *think* they missed a bunch of payments, and over time, the interest kept growing.  The loan was taken out several years ago.

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[zephyr911]

I *think* they missed a bunch of payments, and over time, the interest kept growing.  The loan was taken out several years ago.

"My advice to [them] is to start drinking heavily."

Or, there's always insurance fraud.

[MrMoogle]

I love how the sales price was $15k, but they took out $20k.  Did they just get $5k in cash?

[Kitsune]

I love how the sales price was $15k, but they took out $20k.  Did they just get $5k in cash?

Sometimes that's actually a possiblity.

Look, free money! (ARGH)

[Papa Mustache]

Sometimes you might make more money but your lower income friend spends far more on "stuff and things" further worsening their savings situation making their cash flow problem a "DUH!" moment.

Feels good to be wise enough to put back some acorns for later. In my case it was education by failures. Don't want to be broke? Do something about it!

Oh, yeah, totally. If you make half what I do but spend more than I do, that's just not gonna work at some point.

But I have low-income friends who DO save, but... y'know. Less. Because there's less to go around. And that's not actually shameful, that's just a fact of life/math.

Exactly. I guess most of us have been those low income people early in our lives. That said, its tough to be lower income AND drawn to spend on things you don't need and thus find yourself in a pinch when real needs pop up. Been there and its what motivated DW and I to make more money/get education/spend differently.

I don't look down on these folks but I do question (in my head) why they are smoking, driving a thirsty something with expensive tires, and planning vacations to expensive places on credit cards. Live and let live but don't complain too loudly when the paychecks won't pay for it all.

That car loan ought to have one more line that tells the total cost of the loan $20K @ 20% for X years = $34K. I guess all the info is out there via the 'net in the form of calculators and car loan descriptions and "True Value" estimations.

Still it always bothers me to see someone taken advantage of. 

[RWD]

Someone actually signed this car loan and now owe over 34k on it.  They've wised up and are trying to get out of it, but market value is only 12k, so they're considering a voluntary repo.

How is it even legal to have the payment amount so low that it doesn't even cover interest? Also, I'm trying to figure out why the financed amount is so much more than the sales price. Were they upside down on a trade-in?

20% interest on $20K is $4k, or about $155 biweekly. The payment is almost 70% interest, but it's not negative amortization.
As for how the balance managed to go up by another $14k, either they just didn't pay it for years, or it has something to do with the fine print, which isn't all visible there. I wonder if by "simple interest" they mean a fixed charge accrued up front....

I missed that it was biweekly payments. Assuming normal loan terms (probably a terrible assumption at this point) it works out to almost six years before the loan would be paid off with regular on-time payments. With nothing going wrong they would pay a little over $34k for a vehicle presumably worth $15k...

[zephyr911]

Probably worth more like $12K, because if you're dumb enough to sign that loan, you're also paying asking price... to the same people who just got you for 6 years at 20% on a depreciating asset....

[infogoon]

Here, K and Grade 1 must be picked up by an adult.  In California, kids up to grade 3 were expected (not mandatory, but EXPECTED to be picked up by an adult)

   I don't know why the adults don't walk, but they often don't.. maybe between running errands or something in the car, don't have the time, etc..?

My tiny brain just exploded. There's no good reason children from the same neighborhood can't walk together in packs. It helps them learn social skills.

I live in an urban district with mandatory busing for "integration" purposes. When my oldest son reached kindergarten age, our request to put him in the elementary school a quarter-mile from our house was denied; they wanted to bus him across the city to another school instead. Essentially, put a five year old on a bus for two hours a day so he could go to a "failing" school in another neighborhood rather than the "failing" school in our neighborhood. So now he goes to a charter.

[I'm a red panda]

This morning I was scrolling through my facebook feed while my computer loaded and I came across a post from one of my athlete's moms (I'm a youth coach).  She was complaining that she lives on a cul-de-sac and a moving van broke down right at the end of it, completely blocking the road so she had no way to get her giant SUV out of her street to pick up her son from school.  Someone commented on it and said that she should just walk to the school and her response what that she can't because the school is a mile and a half away. *facepalm* This woman isn't even overweight by normal American standards - a mile and a half walk (or 3 miles total round-trip) shouldn't be that big of an issue!  Apparently the problem was solved when she saw a neighbor come home who lives past where the truck was sitting, and he drove her to pick up her son.

Maybe she just like the smell of toxic gas fumes when she is lined up idling behind a hundred other SUVs in the school carpark.

or he could always ride the bus, don't schools still do that?

I know for where I grew up, a mile and a half was the cutoff for the bus picking you up.  It was assumed kids were capable of walking any less than that....

It's 3 miles here, which I think is a pretty long way to expect a kid to walk twice a day to begin with, and at least from my neighborhood there are no sidewalks. Kids would have to walk an unpaved road with a speed limit of 55 mph.  I don't even like driving that road it gets so dusty that you can't see anything.   Now way would I send a kid walking!

[engineermom21]

Exactly. I guess most of us have been those low income people early in our lives. That said, its tough to be lower income AND drawn to spend on things you don't need and thus find yourself in a pinch when real needs pop up. Been there and its what motivated DW and I to make more money/get education/spend differently.

I don't look down on these folks but I do question (in my head) why they are smoking, driving a thirsty something with expensive tires, and planning vacations to expensive places on credit cards. Live and let live but don't complain too loudly when the paychecks won't pay for it all.

That car loan ought to have one more line that tells the total cost of the loan $20K @ 20% for X years = $34K. I guess all the info is out there via the 'net in the form of calculators and car loan descriptions and "True Value" estimations.

Still it always bothers me to see someone taken advantage of.
[/quote]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

[VladTheImpaler]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
[MOD NOTE: That's a bit crude.  You can see how a friendly discussion can get derailed by this sort of thing.]
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

[WerKater]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

So it's an interest-only loan?

[shelivesthedream]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Gosh, that's a bit of a leap of logic to assume that the child must be exactly like the mother! There are countless threads on this forum of people saying that it was actually seeing all their parents' crazy financial habits that made them determined to manage their money properly.

[JrDoctor]

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

It is entirely possible for offspring to be different from their parents, your parents are probably very pleasant on internet forums while you act like a c***.

[MOD NOTE: Yeah, okay.  Let's all cool off a bit.  There's no need to get this testy.]

[marty998]

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

It is entirely possible for offspring to be different from their parents, your parents are probably very pleasant on internet forums while you act like a c***.

Ok you're both out of line there. No need to be obnoxious.

Forum is better than this.

[MishMash]

The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals. 

[onlykelsey]

The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

[MishMash]

The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

[onlykelsey]

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

I do not understand people who somehow turn a profit off of domestic animals (who are not highly trained rescue dogs or something).  I am not a support of most animal breeding in general, but I lived with a very conscientious breed enthusiast and breeder, and despite fetching 2-4K for each puppy, she was in the hole on each litter because of the costs of properly taking care of the mom and puppies, and always keeping a no-questions-asked open-door return policy.  Animals are money sinks!

[TheGrimSqueaker]

The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

This is Madame Bovary from your earlier post, isn't it?

[ketchup]

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

I do not understand people who somehow turn a profit off of domestic animals (who are not highly trained rescue dogs or something).  I am not a support of most animal breeding in general, but I lived with a very conscientious breed enthusiast and breeder, and despite fetching 2-4K for each puppy, she was in the hole on each litter because of the costs of properly taking care of the mom and puppies, and always keeping a no-questions-asked open-door return policy.  Animals are money sinks!

Yup.  Pretty much anyone turning a profit on dog breeding shouldn't be selling you one.  A $1500-2000 puppy from a responsible breeder might sound expensive, but if they did everything correctly, there's no way they're making money (best hope is to break even).  Those in it for the money are often the types selling $3500 "purebred" something-poos glorified-mutt designer dogs and that just makes me sick.  Or the "I have two dogs of opposite genders that are the same breed.  I'm a breeder now!" backyard breeder crowd.  If you want a purebred, find a real breeder.  If you want a loveable mutt, go to the damn shelter.

[MishMash]

The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

This is Madame Bovary from your earlier post, isn't it?

Yup and totally like the reference lol.

[With This Herring]

The latest from trainwreck friend on FB that I've mentioned earlier:  A series of posts begging to borrow someones car for 3 weeks, for free of course (not sure what happened to hers, I am assuming it got repo'd), when no takers to that "Can I at LEAST get a free ride to court in county X, I need to be there tomorrow for an eviction hearing" aaaand then, does anyone have a room that can take us in for super super cheap.  Us is her, guy she cheated on hubby with, and EIGHT animals.

Oof.  That is something that scares me about having a kid.  I already have a dog and a husband, and it was much easier to imagine friends who could put me up for a week on their couch when it was just me.  Now that we're a much bigger package, it would be more difficult. 

How do you even keep track of eight animals?  Are they all goldfish???

She has two kids as well, but primary custody is their father.  No they are all mammals, she "rehomed" two of her dogs earlier in the year for a large fee, then acquired some stray kittens from behind her work that she sold off 100 a pop.  I think she was trying to get rid of one of her cats at one point because the medical bills were too high, even though she's had it for eight years.  She just found another stray kitten that she's homing right now.

This is Madame Bovary from your earlier post, isn't it?

Yup and totally like the reference lol.

Another +1 for the reference.  You should refer to her that way going forward so we can keep track of her exploits.  I just looked back to reread your old posts regarding her trainwreck decisions.  Good grief.

[Papa Mustache]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

Cars can last a long time. We have 300K on our grocery getter daily driver. However the past a certain mileage - the car lasts because it was treated well and I have a negative expectation that the average vehicle was treated well enough to last to huge miles.

To me - anything with that many miles isn't worth much unless it was fully restored aka antique/collectible with a properly rebuilt driveline and suspension.

She definitely being taken advantage of in about three different ways there. Tell her I said she ought to start saving up for an engine or transmission rebuild. The smart thing would be to get rid of it soon and avoid the interest. I have no idea if a repo would be worthwhile. Might force her into something she can afford for cash though aka something thrifty and car like.

I'm curious about its real resale value. Maybe $10K?

[VladTheImpaler]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Gosh, that's a bit of a leap of logic to assume that the child must be exactly like the mother! There are countless threads on this forum of people saying that it was actually seeing all their parents' crazy financial habits that made them determined to manage their money properly.

I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

[shelivesthedream]

Sadly, I have one that tops this.  My MIL just bought a new-to-her jeep for $22,000....with 180,000 miles on it....and an interest rate of 28%.  Twenty-eight freaking percent!  Her payments are something like $500 a month.  For an old jeep.  Nothing at all special about it.  I have so many stories I could tell that would boggle your mind, but this is her most recent one.

And you married her offspring?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Has dear spouse exhibited any of this behavior yet?

Gosh, that's a bit of a leap of logic to assume that the child must be exactly like the mother! There are countless threads on this forum of people saying that it was actually seeing all their parents' crazy financial habits that made them determined to manage their money properly.

I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

Hey, good on you for standing up and apologising. We all have tone failures on the internet from time to time. Pax.

[kayvent]

I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

It is pretty well-established that kids tend to grow up to be like their same-gender parent, men are attracted to women who look like and are like their mother, and women are attracted to men who are like their father. Variations arise like with anything in life.

When I started dating my (long ago now) ex, one of their friends pulled me aside and warned me that their same-gender parent was psychopathic, a compulsive liar, etc.... I got similar warnings from other people and ignored them, figuring that my ex at the time was different. The relationship collapsed because all they wanted was sex and partying and be reckless. None of which were near the my top priority: an infant child at the time. After the breakup they put me through hell with their lies and delusions and accusations. After years of having full custody of our daughter, they have paid less than 30$ in child support, they rarely see our daughter, and they continue to lie and accuse me of things.

People deserve to not be judged by the personality of their parents; exceptions arise.

[Papa Mustache]

And that adds a layer of comedy to a relationship. Dislikes the mother-in-law but loves her daughter... Turns out that they are very similar in many ways.

[MgoSam]

And that adds a layer of comedy to a relationship. Dislikes the mother-in-law but loves her daughter... Turns out that they are very similar in many ways.

Yeah, I remember gaining motivation to end a relationship with someone because I could see how similar she was to her mother (manipulator, spend-thrift, and more), but also really liking her and so not wanting to do so. In the end it was a relief when she broke up with me as it spared me from having to make the decision, and she was very surprised I didn't try to "win her back."

That said, I'm vastly different in personality than my parents or my siblings, and a lot of it is seeing how the decisions my parents made are hurting them now (esp in terms of how they invested their money).

[Papa Mustache]

I can relate. DW and I are very different from our families too. Its meant less $$$ but we spend less too. I like who we are as people better. More versatile and adventurous. We looked at what worked in our families when we were growing up and discarded the rest. I think our frugality has looked like "poor" to the rest of the family and assumptions are made. We made long term decisions that are paying off in the expected ways now. 

[mm1970]

I'm sorry. I should not have said that.
I am one of those people that saw my parents and decided to break the cycle.
My question was sincere and I was genuinely hoping for an answer, I didn't mean to sound judgmental.

I divorced someone who I thought was very different than their parents, but turned out to be a liar and a manipulator, and exactly like the worst traits of their parents. So I'm trying to learn from others if they have experienced this.
I should have prefaced with that info. Context is everything.

It is pretty well-established that kids tend to grow up to be like their same-gender parent, men are attracted to women who look like and are like their mother, and women are attracted to men who are like their father. Variations arise like with anything in life.

When I started dating my (long ago now) ex, one of their friends pulled me aside and warned me that their same-gender parent was psychopathic, a compulsive liar, etc.... I got similar warnings from other people and ignored them, figuring that my ex at the time was different. The relationship collapsed because all they wanted was sex and partying and be reckless. None of which were near the my top priority: an infant child at the time. After the breakup they put me through hell with their lies and delusions and accusations. After years of having full custody of our daughter, they have paid less than 30$ in child support, they rarely see our daughter, and they continue to lie and accuse me of things.

People deserve to not be judged by the personality of their parents; exceptions arise.

Lordy I hope not.  My mom became an alcoholic.  And she was often a "victim".  Never said no, didn't stand up for herself, very soft hearted.

My dad was kind of an asshole.  Relatively gruff, frugal, and hard-hearted.

I'd like to hope I'm a blend, but for sure at least so far I take after my dad more than my mom.

[druth]

Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

[Kitsune]

Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

[MgoSam]

Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

Nice, that sounds like a great combination. My parents have a lot of traits that I do admire and take after (my mom's frugality, my dad's reasoning skills), but there is also a ton that I don't want to learn from. For instance, whenever my mom is uncomfortable in a conversation she just changes the topic instead of trying to learn something or acknowledging that she could be wrong (not just with me, with her friends and family as well), whereas I don't want to be like that. My dad tried his hand at market timing and day trading to horrible effect, my lesson from that was to be a long-term investor...right now my money is index funds because I don't have the stomach to research and buy individual stocks.

[TravelJunkyQC]

Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

I'm also a healthy medium between the two. I have some of each of their best strengths... and also, both of their worst aspects too. But hey, at least we understand each other throughout the good and the bad!

[MrMoogle]

Am I the only person that's happy that I'm basically exactly like my mom?

Nope, me too. Pragmatic, practical, get shit done impressively, skilled at maintaining close interpersonal relationships, practical and reasonable... I could totally, 100% do worst.

Combine that with JUST enough 'I don't give a shit if you don't like me, I am NOT taking your shit' attitude from my dad, and... There you have it. :)

I'm happy to be mostly like my mom too.  What does that mean for a guy? :)

[geekette]

I have my mom's fiscal sensibilities and my dad's personality. Why is it, then, that they had a great marriage but my mom drives me nuts?

[kayvent]

I have my mom's fiscal sensibilities and my dad's personality. Why is it, then, that they had a great marriage but my mom drives me nuts?

You're too similar :P

[Zikoris]

I'm very glad I only inherited my mom's impulsiveness for non-financial matters, because she makes lasting bad financial decisions on impulse, whereas I just go parachute off a mountain on impulse. Non-financial impulsiveness makes my life very fun. Financial impulsiveness means she'll likely never be able to retire.

I definitely inherited my dad's personality and cheapness. Many people have commented on our similarities over the years, and we get along very well.