Overheard on Facebook

[Tallgirl1204]

"I would have been totally happy with the pearl ring, and am totally happy with these rings, and would have married him without any rings at all."

This.  This.  This. 

The rings aren't the marriage.  The marriage is the marriage.  thanks. 

[Sibley]

What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

Some women (and men) really need the experience, be it simple or fancy. Plus, it's often culturally expected.

[zephyr911]

Some women (and men) really need the experience, be it simple or fancy. Plus, it's often culturally expected.

This is a place for those who defy cultural expectation. By all means, I support anyone who wants to do it that way. I just categorically reject the idea of doing it because of something that boils down to inertia.

Because you get to make an event for a nice memory to last you the rest of your lifetime? Seems like fun. And also because it's expected, and most people look forward to one.

It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.

We did neither of those things. I honestly can't identify a single point at which I went from not knowing to knowing. We just gradually progressed from jokes and hilarity to more serious conversations, to analyzing our own goals and values, to talking about when and how we were going to make it official.

As far as nice memories go, we have more than I can even keep track of - the first time we met each other's families, and all the other times since; our wedding, where we crashed a New Year's party and had an ordained friend pronounce us during the countdown to 2013; our honeymoon in the sweltering rainforest; our first meeting in NYC; all our cross-country trips to see each other while one or the other was traveling. Getting on one knee to ask something I already knew wouldn't make our story any more complete. And (back to my central point) getting on one knee before knowing just seems anachronistic and reckless to me anymore.

[dragoncar]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I hear that female cats don't care much for diamonds..

They prefer to be called felines, actually.

[grantmeaname]

Femalines?

[grantmeaname]

It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.

I wasn't asking as a veiled way of saying you all shouldn't be doing it. I'm legitimately trying to understand. If we all seem to agree that it's reckless and not super healthy for the relationship for the guy to propose without the couple first talking about it, it strikes me as strange that many think the next step is to pretend that important conversation never happened and the whole thing is unexpected.

[I'm a red panda]

What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

Ceremonial really.  Same reason people like to have a fancy wedding instead of just a priest or JP and a person to sign the certificate as a witness while standing there in blue jeans and flip-flops.
My proposal wasn't fancy, didn't cost him anything (after the ring)- but it was still a surprise to me when he'd actually ask officially.  I also didn't pick out my ring, though he had an idea of what I wanted. Quite honestly, the expectation he'd ask me was just as strong with him.  If he'd been the type of guy to put a twist tie around my finger and call us engaged, I would have been okay with it- he was at that time more traditional than me.


One day (about 3 months before he proposed- but we about 100 miles away from each other the first 3 years we dated so that wasn't surprising that he waited a bit for a good moment) he told me "I bought a ring, if you can find it, we can get engaged.  I looked in a few places, laughed and said I'd wait until he was ready.  Turns out he had lifted his dresser and put it under it.   

For us though, when we got engaged didn't really matter as we had a time frame on the wedding- I had to graduate college first.  So just saying "let's get married" and doing it wasn't an option really.  So the whole "put a ring on it" kind of made it official for the last year we dated, especially since he lived a thousand miles away once he graduated and the Air Force moved him.

[mskyle]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I agree that the lady in question is the one you really need to consult on this... I never know what to say when friends post photos of their engagement rings on facebook! Or when they show them to me in person, honestly. What I'm saying internally is, "Jeez, how much did *that* cost, and who had to die or be enslaved for you to get it?" but I don't say that out loud because I don't want to crap on people's happiness. So most of my friends and family probably have no idea.

I remember telling a (male) friend a while ago how I don't like diamond rings and he said, "But if someone gave you one, you'd take it, right?" I guess because you can't take a woman at her word and we're all cagey and just *pretending* not to be gold diggers? Anyway I was like, "Of course I wouldn't take it, why would I accept expensive jewelry from someone who doesn't know me well enough to know I don't want expensive jewelry!" I've been pretty clear with my boyfriend on my feelings about engagement rings (and the whole proposal and engagement process), so I'm reasonably certain that he won't ever be proposing to me from a parade float with a $15,000 ring.

[Elliot]

It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.

I wasn't asking as a veiled way of saying you all shouldn't be doing it. I'm legitimately trying to understand. If we all seem to agree that it's reckless and not super healthy for the relationship for the guy to propose without the couple first talking about it, it strikes me as strange that many think the next step is to pretend that important conversation never happened and the whole thing is unexpected.

Ceremonially, I guess. We made the decision to get married long before we were at all ready to enter any "engagement" that other people knew about. We each made our own (private) proposal to the other and it was pretty fun.

[RunHappy]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I agree that the lady in question is the one you really need to consult on this... I never know what to say when friends post photos of their engagement rings on facebook! Or when they show them to me in person, honestly. What I'm saying internally is, "Jeez, how much did *that* cost, and who had to die or be enslaved for you to get it?" but I don't say that out loud because I don't want to crap on people's happiness. So most of my friends and family probably have no idea.

I remember telling a (male) friend a while ago how I don't like diamond rings and he said, "But if someone gave you one, you'd take it, right?" I guess because you can't take a woman at her word and we're all cagey and just *pretending* not to be gold diggers? Anyway I was like, "Of course I wouldn't take it, why would I accept expensive jewelry from someone who doesn't know me well enough to know I don't want expensive jewelry!" I've been pretty clear with my boyfriend on my feelings about engagement rings (and the whole proposal and engagement process), so I'm reasonably certain that he won't ever be proposing to me from a parade float with a $15,000 ring.

I would recommend getting the woman's opinion.  My SO went ring shopping before proposing to me.  Luckily for me (and him) he was so overwhelemed by the different rings available that he ended up not buying one! When we went ring shopping together I found out that he wanted to buy a 2 carot solitaire ring!  Waaay too much money and waaay to big for my hand.  We ended up getting a smaller ring, that is still blinged out, but has more pave' detail and a small solitaire.  It also cost a teeny fraction of what he was originally going to spend.  One requirement I have for my rings (which he didn't know about) is I have to be able to put my hands in my pockets without the ring snagging on it and the ring we got fits this requirement perfectly.

[frugledoc]

A friend of a friend had a fight with his fiance while driving and she threw her engagement ring out he car window.  It cost £4,000 and was not found.  She was a total mental case (and a doctor to boot) but bizarrely he still married her.  No idea how it turned out.

[Pooperman]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I agree that the lady in question is the one you really need to consult on this... I never know what to say when friends post photos of their engagement rings on facebook! Or when they show them to me in person, honestly. What I'm saying internally is, "Jeez, how much did *that* cost, and who had to die or be enslaved for you to get it?" but I don't say that out loud because I don't want to crap on people's happiness. So most of my friends and family probably have no idea.

I remember telling a (male) friend a while ago how I don't like diamond rings and he said, "But if someone gave you one, you'd take it, right?" I guess because you can't take a woman at her word and we're all cagey and just *pretending* not to be gold diggers? Anyway I was like, "Of course I wouldn't take it, why would I accept expensive jewelry from someone who doesn't know me well enough to know I don't want expensive jewelry!" I've been pretty clear with my boyfriend on my feelings about engagement rings (and the whole proposal and engagement process), so I'm reasonably certain that he won't ever be proposing to me from a parade float with a $15,000 ring.

I would recommend getting the woman's opinion.  My SO went ring shopping before proposing to me.  Luckily for me (and him) he was so overwhelemed by the different rings available that he ended up not buying one! When we went ring shopping together I found out that he wanted to buy a 2 carot solitaire ring!  Waaay too much money and waaay to big for my hand.  We ended up getting a smaller ring, that is still blinged out, but has more pave' detail and a small solitaire.  It also cost a teeny fraction of what he was originally going to spend.  One requirement I have for my rings (which he didn't know about) is I have to be able to put my hands in my pockets without the ring snagging on it and the ring we got fits this requirement perfectly.

Yeah, my SO (now fiance) picked out what she wanted and I got it for her.

[Kris]

I'd recommend getting the woman's opinion, as well.  Look, I'm not a diamond gal, and my husband and I have simple matching bands.  But anything I am going to wear and look at 24/7 for the rest of my life, I'm going to want input on.

[LadyDriver]

I would recommend getting the woman's opinion.  My SO went ring shopping before proposing to me.  Luckily for me (and him) he was so overwhelemed by the different rings available that he ended up not buying one! When we went ring shopping together I found out that he wanted to buy a 2 carot solitaire ring!  Waaay too much money and waaay to big for my hand.  We ended up getting a smaller ring, that is still blinged out, but has more pave' detail and a small solitaire.  It also cost a teeny fraction of what he was originally going to spend.  One requirement I have for my rings (which he didn't know about) is I have to be able to put my hands in my pockets without the ring snagging on it and the ring we got fits this requirement perfectly.

When DH proposed to me, he picked a ring without consulting me. He picked a simple solitaire and said we could exchange it for anything I wanted. I thought the stone was too big, so we went back to the store to swap it. When I said that at the store, the employee I was talking with called across to her coworkers "she says the stone is too big" and everyone stared. Apparently that doesn't happen very often.

If you are going to buy a ring from a place that makes exchanges and returns easy, then picking without consulting her is probably fine. If it is from Craigslist, you might want to consult her first.

[LucyBIT]

Re: engagement rings and engagements:

I really couldn't have cared less about the ring. But it was really important to my now-husband that he get me one, and that it be pretty and shiny, and that I liked it, but he didn't want to go pick it out together. We decided we were going to get married a long time before we got engaged, and I guess the engagement was ceremonial fun for us (completely private and a memory I treasure).

We talked about the kind of rings I liked, just straight-up without any subtlety, because we didn't see the point in pretending, also I am really bad a subtle conversations lol. I told him I had ethical problems with diamonds, I didn't want him to spend a ton of money, I hate the look of a solitaire with the stone poking up out of a band, and I'd worry about catching prongs on clothing and losing the stone. We also went online and I pointed out some specific styles I did and didn't like.

A year or so later he proposed with the ring he'd picked out. He inherited his grandmother's wedding rings, so he had the stone reset in a more modern design--so the diamond is an heirloom, which means that somebody probably died for it at one point, but not just so that I could have it, plus I like that it was his grandmother's. It's more "diamond embedded in a swoop of metal" than a solitaire with prongs, and it doesn't look like any other ring I've ever seen on anyone else's figure. It's platinum, because he wanted it sturdy and apparently when it's scuffed, the metal is just moved around and can be polished back to its original state?

Anyway, I like it, he likes it, it didn't break the bank, the diamond is an heirloom, and I'm going to keep it forever. No "trade-up" for me.

[dude]

I had to google this starbucks card. It is made of silver and it literally costs you $150 just to have the privilege of carrying it? $200 cost but it comes with $50 credit on it.

I don't get it, so maybe next season SBux will start selling fresh hot steaming shit and charging you for it, oh wait they already do that.

What the Hell is the purpose of this thing except to tell everyone you are dumb enough to buy it?

Tell everyone you are rich enough to buy it?  Although this does seem like one of the dumber luxury items on the market.  Its low visibility makes the aspect of presentation quite low.  Now what we need is a Starbucks VIP card for $1000 a year.  This card will allow you the pleasure of foot-baths and massages from employees while you enjoy your attainable luxury coffee in full sight of the rest of the shop.  Bonus if the shop consists of people mostly waiting in line for your massage to be finished so the employee can get back to taking more orders.

There should be an even more expensive card that also works as a 'front of the line pass', that way you can wave it around like a big shot while walking past the suckers standing in line.

You joke, but almost certainly we will see this one day.  Disney already has it, airlines have it, as do many other businesses.  I would not be surprised at all if Starbucks one day has a "Premium Club" line or the like -- probably where their order is sent in via their smartphone 5 minutes before they arrive.

[Apples]

We talked for months about when to get engaged, what rings I liked, price range expectations on both sides, etc.  We also talked about when we would move in together (moving across states) and plan for a wedding.  We talked about goals, dreams, expectations for living together, that sort of stuff.  We agreed on a 2 month range of when he would "pop the question".  I'm a planner and hated the idea of being in the dark because I'm a woman, but still wanted surprise, so that's what it was narrowed down to.

We're both kinda traditional and very romantic, so he took me to a garden (we're horticulture students) and had me pick out flowers and when my back was turned got down on one knee.  It was a normal date like any other, but it was extra well planned and had a few special touches, and we got engaged officially then.  It was a wonderful day and a very special memory, and very romantic.  So that's why we still did the official popping of the question.

[Simple Abundant Living]

On my local indoor yardsale site...

"Does anyone have any size 1 or 2 diapers they aren't needing? I just lost my last $6. don't judge."

and then two days later...

"ISO: a NICE, FANCY, ROMANTIC restaurant, Utah or Salt lake county! I want somewhere quite, and where I can just enjoy my date! Recommendations?"

[crispy]

On my local indoor yardsale site...

"Does anyone have any size 1 or 2 diapers they aren't needing? I just lost my last $6. don't judge."

and then two days later...

"ISO: a NICE, FANCY, ROMANTIC restaurant, Utah or Salt lake county! I want somewhere quite, and where I can just enjoy my date! Recommendations?"

You should have recommended they use the money to buy a stockpile of diapers....

[Indexer]

You joke, but almost certainly we will see this one day.  Disney already has it, airlines have it, as do many other businesses.  I would not be surprised at all if Starbucks one day has a "Premium Club" line or the like -- probably where their order is sent in via their smartphone 5 minutes before they arrive.

They already let you order ahead.  Its on their app.  I only know this because I was recently telling a CW how I just grind my own coffee in the morning to make a coffee and how it is better than StarBucks anyway.  He complained that took too much time. 

Me, "Uhhh... how long does it take you to drive to SB(there isn't one near our office), wait in line, order, wait for your coffee, and then drive back in the direction you should be going?  That must add a ton of time to your morning." 

CW, "Oh I order it on the app, the coffee is ready when I get there."   

[straycat]

The woman I talked about with the blog and high-fashion debt and red flagged at the border just posted this on her facebook yesterday: "Love that my son is home with a fever and bad cold today so to get him some fresh air I take him down to Hangar9 (a local expensive store that carries high fashion brands) and the wonderful Joann sets him up on a big cozy chair, all bundled up and he plays his iPad while I get my blog ready. My son even sacrifices for fashion!!! Don't worry, I got him ice cream after!!!". Okay - so her son is so sick he's home from school but she drags him out to a store?!!!! seriously? Am I the only person who thinks this is insane? Sorry, it has nothing to do with money but I had to post as a follow up to the type of person she is.

[abuzzyisawesome]

To cover a couple of topics:
The woman with the high end fashion blog is INSANE. And, the lack of courtesy to your fellow man by dragging a CONTAGIOUS child out makes me see red. It never fails I go out to eat or go to a store and someone has a poor coughing, sneezing kid with them. Most of the time the kid is not even old enough (or never has been told) to cover their mouths!!! Huge pet peeve.

On the subject of rings and proposing:

My husband was my friend for 4 years before we started dating. He knew me really well. I ended a long relationship with another man before he told me how he really felt about me. One reason I ended the previous relationship is that I waited 6 years for the other guy to propose. I wanted to be married. So husband was prepped with an ideal of my wants. He proposed in 6 months and we picked out the ring together beforehand. Then, he bought it at his leisure and surprised me with it a few weeks later. I wanted a diamond, but nothing huge. We shopped around and actually found the best value at Sam's Club! I had the ring appraised for insurance and it appraised at over twice what we paid for it. I got a retro looking ring with a smaller center stone and a ring of small diamonds around it. I get lots of compliments on it and he paid about $1200.

[SomedayStache]

Facebook status of a loved one today:

"Student loans officially paid off!
I can now say I have no unsecured debt.

Booya.

I'm about to have a shitload of secured debt though.
We bought another boat, pics to come."

[rocksinmyhead]

The woman I talked about with the blog and high-fashion debt and red flagged at the border just posted this on her facebook yesterday: "Love that my son is home with a fever and bad cold today so to get him some fresh air I take him down to Hangar9 (a local expensive store that carries high fashion brands) and the wonderful Joann sets him up on a big cozy chair, all bundled up and he plays his iPad while I get my blog ready. My son even sacrifices for fashion!!! Don't worry, I got him ice cream after!!!". Okay - so her son is so sick he's home from school but she drags him out to a store?!!!! seriously? Am I the only person who thinks this is insane? Sorry, it has nothing to do with money but I had to post as a follow up to the type of person she is.

yeah, she's out of her fucking mind. I looked at the blog when you posted it earlier and all I could think was, what an incredibly pointless and vapid way to spend your time and money. I get that clothes are a hobby for people, and I personally like to look put together and even "express myself" through clothes a bit, but it just seemed like SO MUCH effort and mental energy (not even considering the financial piece) going towards watching new fashions come out all the time and talking about designers and buying clothes... just, what the fuck?? super depressing. like, is that all she does?!? because her blog makes it look that way.

[straycat]

The woman I talked about with the blog and high-fashion debt and red flagged at the border just posted this on her facebook yesterday: "Love that my son is home with a fever and bad cold today so to get him some fresh air I take him down to Hangar9 (a local expensive store that carries high fashion brands) and the wonderful Joann sets him up on a big cozy chair, all bundled up and he plays his iPad while I get my blog ready. My son even sacrifices for fashion!!! Don't worry, I got him ice cream after!!!". Okay - so her son is so sick he's home from school but she drags him out to a store?!!!! seriously? Am I the only person who thinks this is insane? Sorry, it has nothing to do with money but I had to post as a follow up to the type of person she is.

yeah, she's out of her fucking mind. I looked at the blog when you posted it earlier and all I could think was, what an incredibly pointless and vapid way to spend your time and money. I get that clothes are a hobby for people, and I personally like to look put together and even "express myself" through clothes a bit, but it just seemed like SO MUCH effort and mental energy (not even considering the financial piece) going towards watching new fashions come out all the time and talking about designers and buying clothes... just, what the fuck?? super depressing. like, is that all she does?!? because her blog makes it look that way.

Yup, pretty much what she does, aside from working out every day too apparently. She often posts about getting Vogue and other magazines and having to read them. Oh and Oscar night she posted that she fed her family at 5 p.m. so she could be on the couch and blogging about the red carpet fashions. Like ANYONE CARES about her opinion that she had to get blogging immediately. She got fancy business cards made for the blog. When it's new and I'm sure has NO traffic aside from her friends on fb who looked at it a few times then got bored. Like me. I go back once in awhile when she posts that there's a new post, just so I can go wtf?

[I'm a red panda]

I had the ring appraised for insurance and it appraised at over twice what we paid for it.

Insurance value almost always appraises high. Even mall jewelry stores diamond rings will usually appraise for insurance value higher than the cost to buy.

[mustachejd]

I would love it if someone proposed with me not with an expensive piece of jewelry I'll never wear, but with a piece of paper with his updated net worth and/of investment account information. His proposal would sound something like this: "I love you and I trust you more than anyone else in this world. I'd like to build a future with you, and on this paper are the numbers that prove how committed I am to making that happen."

/swoon
/Mustachian daydream

This actually (sorta) happened to me with an ex-boyfriend - he proposed with a financial document (Actually, he just handed me a folder with his financial summaries and told me to spend as much as I liked on a ring).  Since I had zero interest in getting married at the time, we broke up soon afterwards.  When people heard about the proposal, I found it strange that most folks were in angst about the financial summary he provided.  But . . . I thought that part was okay.  I mean, how can people even talk about getting married without knowing their future partner's financial information?  I feel like that should be a major bullet point on the "Stuff We Need To Talk About Before Making The Decision To Spend The Rest Of Our Lives Together" list.

[zephyr911]

Facebook status of a loved one today:

"Student loans officially paid off!
I can now say I have no unsecured debt.

Booya.

I'm about to have a shitload of secured debt though.
We bought another boat, pics to come."

HAHAHAHAHA
So much fail.

[Pooplips]

Facebook status of a loved one today:

"Student loans officially paid off!
I can now say I have no unsecured debt.

Booya.

I'm about to have a shitload of secured debt though.
We bought another boat, pics to come."

This is perfect. The guys in the cubes around me probably think I'm a lunatic laughing by myself.

[ms]

Same mom with the newborn that could not pay her phone bill just earlier this week is posting about going to the salon to get her hair done and was asking for style ideas. After much input the vote was for some red highlights or streaks or something. Everyone was encouraging her about how great that'll look. All I wanted to comment was to not do anything that will require you to come back in 4 weeks for upkeep.

[Goldielocks]

I would recommend getting the woman's opinion.  My SO went ring shopping before proposing to me.  Luckily for me (and him) he was so overwhelemed by the different rings available that he ended up not buying one! When we went ring shopping together I found out that he wanted to buy a 2 carot solitaire ring!  Waaay too much money and waaay to big for my hand.  We ended up getting a smaller ring, that is still blinged out, but has more pave' detail and a small solitaire.  It also cost a teeny fraction of what he was originally going to spend.  One requirement I have for my rings (which he didn't know about) is I have to be able to put my hands in my pockets without the ring snagging on it and the ring we got fits this requirement perfectly.

When DH proposed to me, he picked a ring without consulting me. He picked a simple solitaire and said we could exchange it for anything I wanted. I thought the stone was too big, so we went back to the store to swap it. When I said that at the store, the employee I was talking with called across to her coworkers "she says the stone is too big" and everyone stared. Apparently that doesn't happen very often.

If you are going to buy a ring from a place that makes exchanges and returns easy, then picking without consulting her is probably fine. If it is from Craigslist, you might want to consult her first.u

I have to chime in here, DH bought my ring and surprised me.  The style was not my choice, -a little showy-and as he bought it from a place that is set up for easy exchanges, I sweetly asked if we could shop together to see if another (same cost) would work.

Apparently he took that as a bad sign that I did not care for him more than a ring.  I still wear it 20+ years later, but just say'n that not all guys are open about it.

Now my MIL, she received a truly ugly ring (she said it took a few years to grow to like it) and did not try to exchange it for 30 years

[zephyr911]

Sat morning I saw this from a friend who is a SAHD (DW is a registered dietician):
Friend: Woo, birthday Waffle House! *geotag WH location across town*
Me: You know, there's one of those at (right near their house)
DW: Yeah, but he's a regular at this one.
Me: (silent facepalm)

[cashstasherat23]

Saw a real gem posted today!

One of my friends from HS, who is still living/working in town as a cashier at a supermarket, just flooded Facebook with pictures of her new car. This was bad enough and I was cringing at that, and then her mother reposted one of the pics, with this caption: 

"My daughters new wheels !! Welcome to more monthly payments !"

...like it's a good thing to have more monthly payments. A badge of honor?

I just don't understand why! Her car was perfectly fine, and there is no way she can afford this. Why do people think they need a new car to prove that they are an adult/have made it?

[SpicyMcHaggus]

Saw a real gem posted today!

One of my friends from HS, who is still living/working in town as a cashier at a supermarket, just flooded Facebook with pictures of her new car. This was bad enough and I was cringing at that, and then her mother reposted one of the pics, with this caption: 

"My daughters new wheels !! Welcome to more monthly payments !"

...like it's a good thing to have more monthly payments. A badge of honor?

I just don't understand why! Her car was perfectly fine, and there is no way she can afford this. Why do people think they need a new car to prove that they are an adult/have made it?

Stupidity mostly. Failure to find value in other aspects of life.
I really like cars. But I have the self control not to go and buy new ones from the dealer.
I wait and then buy them for $5,000 when they are 8 years old.
My next one I think will be a BMW 335xi.  But only when they are $6-7,000 OBO.
Totally not MMM. It's the one area I am weak.

[Sibley]

Saw a real gem posted today!

One of my friends from HS, who is still living/working in town as a cashier at a supermarket, just flooded Facebook with pictures of her new car. This was bad enough and I was cringing at that, and then her mother reposted one of the pics, with this caption: 

"My daughters new wheels !! Welcome to more monthly payments !"

...like it's a good thing to have more monthly payments. A badge of honor?

I just don't understand why! Her car was perfectly fine, and there is no way she can afford this. Why do people think they need a new car to prove that they are an adult/have made it?

Stupidity mostly. Failure to find value in other aspects of life.
I really like cars. But I have the self control not to go and buy new ones from the dealer.
I wait and then buy them for $5,000 when they are 8 years old.
My next one I think will be a BMW 335xi.  But only when they are $6-7,000 OBO.
Totally not MMM. It's the one area I am weak.

I think the totally not MMM would be buying them new and financing them. You're better than that.

[bzzzt]

Why do people think they need a new car to prove that they are an adult/have made it?

It's a status symbol to people who are used to having crappy cars. My wife used to think that way too. She drove a crap car for years and always dreamed of a new car when she got her "real" job. Took a lot of discussions to kill that idea. It doesn't have to be new to be nice. Show me someone with a new car and I'll show you someone with a brand new payment book on a depreciating asset.

Most of her family is absolutely horrible with money though, so at least she could change. The only new cars her parents ever owned were both repo'd...

[zoltani]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

[RFAAOATB]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses.

I would be scared the nicer car than the neighborhood average would be a target for vandalism and break ins.  Which is why I'm waiting to get the house with a garage before I get the nice car.

[dragoncar]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

[partgypsy]

Coming to party late but ditto, don't buy ring without girlfriend's input! One of my weaknesses, I actually am into gemstones and jewelry. But- that means I more picky than most. The only thing I dislike more than getting stuff I would never normally wear, is to over pay for it, so to me picking a ring out on your own is a recipe for disaster! (The only exception is if he wanted to buy something from this particular store where everything is hand designed (lots of smaller stones and bezeling) because I basically love everything in there.
And some women don't care about rings at all, seriously, happy with a Kohls ring, so might as well not waste what could be potentially a lot of money on something not appreciated or cared for.

We didn't have a proposal per se either. After agreeing and making plans for marriage (we eloped) we picked out an engagement ring for me.  I thought it would feel more like a formality as the big commitment was the decision to move and live together which happened about 5 years prior, but it was actually very touching after all.   

[zoltani]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

How did you know i have a 3-car garage!?!?!

[dragoncar]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

How did you know i have a 3-car garage!?!?!

Well, you live in 'Murica, don't you???

[zoltani]

HA! In my defense I did not buy the garage, it came with the house! Being paid to store vehicles for others in it right now, lol. Nice vehicles too!

[Hedge_87]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

How did you know i have a 3-car garage!?!?!

Well, you live in 'Murica, don't you???

I'm guilty of a having a big garage/crossfit gym/home brewery /art studio/woodshop /metalshop /any other possible thing I feel like I could use a 30-40 building for. It's my place of peace and zen so even if it's not mmm approved I like it. My initial plan before we found the house we have was to build a shop with living quarters in one side of it.

[dragoncar]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

How did you know i have a 3-car garage!?!?!

Well, you live in 'Murica, don't you???

I'm guilty of a having a big garage/crossfit gym/home brewery /art studio/woodshop /metalshop /any other possible thing I feel like I could use a 30-40 building for. It's my place of peace and zen so even if it's not mmm approved I like it. My initial plan before we found the house we have was to build a shop with living quarters in one side of it.

No guilt implied -- I have a 3 car garage too.  I'd like to finish it out, but it's probably not worth the cost even if I do it myself.  I do keep my actual car in there, though.

[queenie]

Coming to party late but ditto, don't buy ring without girlfriend's input! One of my weaknesses, I actually am into gemstones and jewelry. But- that means I more picky than most. The only thing I dislike more than getting stuff I would never normally wear, is to over pay for it, so to me picking a ring out on your own is a recipe for disaster! (The only exception is if he wanted to buy something from this particular store where everything is hand designed (lots of smaller stones and bezeling) because I basically love everything in there.
And some women don't care about rings at all, seriously, happy with a Kohls ring, so might as well not waste what could be potentially a lot of money on something not appreciated or cared for.

It really depends on your girlfriend and hopefully you know her well enough to know if she'd care. My DH knew that I don't have any feelings about jewelry and so he went and picked out a very cheap promise ring. That and my very plain and inexpensive wedding band are the only pieces of jewelry that I wear and I am thrilled not to be carrying thousands of dollars around on my finger.

[resy]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

that is true, my husband used to paint homes and I would get so upset when people with expensive houses wanted to nickel and dime him until he explained the same to me to (ppl can show off through cars).
I drove (*ahem* I mean biked....) by a crappy mobile home communitu with really nice cars parked out front! So so sad in so many ways.

[resy]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

Dont you know? garages are actually storage units!!
my sister has a double garage and its FULL of so much crap that they cant park either of their 3 cars inside... this is a family of 4 where 1 of the members is not even of driving age.

[RWD]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

I don't understand this either. All the houses in my neighborhood have 2 or 3-car garages, but most people park their cars outside, even my neighbor with his Mercedes. I suspect these people just buy so much junk that they have to store it in their garages instead of their cars. And/or they are leasing their cars and don't care about taking care of them.

[johnny847]

I was always flabbergasted to see nice cars parked outside of really shitty houses. Why not spend the money having a nicer house than car? Then my wife explained to me that most people do not see your house, but they most certainly see your car. Well, that makes sense, a car is a better status symbol than a house for most.

I'm flabbergasted the cars are outside.  Just park it in your damn 3-car garage!

I don't understand this either. All the houses in my neighborhood have 2 or 3-car garages, but most people park their cars outside, even my neighbor with his Mercedes. I suspect these people just buy so much junk that they have to store it in their garages instead of their cars. And/or they are leasing their cars and don't care about taking care of them.

Well if people want to use their car as a status symbol, then they probably want to flaunt it as much as possible. And parking their car outside achieves that.