Overheard on Facebook

[Papa Mustache]

Klan = A shorthand way to refer to the Ku Klux Klan (KKK), a group of white supremacists of the southern United States who are best known for horrible crimes against black people, including lynchings.

These pathetic losers aren't only in the South. They are all over America.

THIS!

[Papa Mustache]

The section containing the word "submit" that you guys are railing against also tells the husband to love his wife the way Christ loved the church, which turned out that he loved it so much he literally died for it. And to love his wife as himself and to nourish and cherish her, as his own body (repeated in a variety of ways).

It also comes immediately after the words:

"submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Context is important.

I don't really mind if you think that Christians in general shouldn't submit to each other, out of reverence for Christ, but cherry picking a single word and blatantly throwing out the context of the previous verse (and section, realistically it's a section that starts much earlier) is fairly intellectually dishonest.

If your primary objections are people who do this - pick the one word to the exclusion of the rest of the section - that's fine. But recognize that those who do this are doing so contrary to the fairly obvious intent and meaning of the overall passage where that verse is contained.

Just know that depending on which church or where you live - that term submit or submission is used by some to keep women in the old fashioned roles of the first half of the 20th century.

[frugalnacho]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

[TexasRunner]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

This.  I'm sorry I even brought it up at this point.

[Pooperman]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

This.  I'm sorry I even brought it up at this point.

Black sabbaths are usually orange or red ;)

[MgoSam]

One of my favorite instructors at my gym (kickboxing) moved to Vegas to train at a larger gym. He's commented in the past about how he fights because it's the best way for him to make a living and how he wish he could just fight and not have to have a side job. Well that same person has been posting nearly daily about eating out a steakhouse and other fine dining establishments.

[infogoon]

One of my female friends just put this on Facebook. What the ever-loving fuck?

Huh. I've never seen a man with handwriting like that, but it was definitely a sentiment from a husband.

[dragoncar]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

Scripture tells us that foam is holy because Jesus walked on the waves.

[frugalnacho]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

Scripture tells us that foam is holy because Jesus walked on the waves.

Do you think that's why Cappuccino was Jesus' favorite...

[dragoncar]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

Scripture tells us that foam is holy because Jesus walked on the waves.

Do you think that's why Cappuccino was Jesus' favorite...

Scripture says he prefers independent coffee shops because Starbucks always spell his name wrong

[LeRainDrop]

You guys are cracking me up!  And just to add a little something humorous that I saw on facebook:

[TheGrimSqueaker]

One of my favorite instructors at my gym (kickboxing) moved to Vegas to train at a larger gym. He's commented in the past about how he fights because it's the best way for him to make a living and how he wish he could just fight and not have to have a side job. Well that same person has been posting nearly daily about eating out a steakhouse and other fine dining establishments.

Unless he's trying to recruit them as a sponsor, he'd be better off staying far away from restaurants. Too much salt, and kick boxing is a sport with weight divisions. Maybe his side job is at the restaurant and he gets meals as an employment perk?

[MgoSam]

One of my favorite instructors at my gym (kickboxing) moved to Vegas to train at a larger gym. He's commented in the past about how he fights because it's the best way for him to make a living and how he wish he could just fight and not have to have a side job. Well that same person has been posting nearly daily about eating out a steakhouse and other fine dining establishments.

Unless he's trying to recruit them as a sponsor, he'd be better off staying far away from restaurants. Too much salt, and kick boxing is a sport with weight divisions. Maybe his side job is at the restaurant and he gets meals as an employment perk?

I doubt the sponsorship part as it's a variety of restaurants. Knowing his personality, I think this is the par for the course for him. He's a heavy-weight so he isn't too constrained by the weigh-in, for him it's more about getting to the ideal weight for a fight as too much weight means less speed, but too little weight means not enough power. He works as a bouncer on the side, so I doubt the food is a perk. I suspect he's spending his money on having a good time, but expects to earn significantly more in the future as now he's training with a professional gym (the gym I go to is great, but limiting once you're a pro).

[Papa Mustache]

One of my favorite instructors at my gym (kickboxing) moved to Vegas to train at a larger gym. He's commented in the past about how he fights because it's the best way for him to make a living and how he wish he could just fight and not have to have a side job. Well that same person has been posting nearly daily about eating out a steakhouse and other fine dining establishments.

I can't imagine setting up a long term career around beating someone or getting beaten by someone. A coworker's son did that for a while and has a laundry list of physical (and possibly mental) issues from it. Basically an old man's body in his 20s.

[MgoSam]

One of my favorite instructors at my gym (kickboxing) moved to Vegas to train at a larger gym. He's commented in the past about how he fights because it's the best way for him to make a living and how he wish he could just fight and not have to have a side job. Well that same person has been posting nearly daily about eating out a steakhouse and other fine dining establishments.

I can't imagine setting up a long term career around beating someone or getting beaten by someone. A coworker's son did that for a while and has a laundry list of physical (and possibly mental) issues from it. Basically an old man's body in his 20s.

Yeah I completely agree! He's in great shape, but he's 30 years old and I don't know how long he will be able to compete. With anything physical, there's no guarantee how long your body will hold out or what the lasting damage will be done is. One advantage he does have is that he's an excellent instructor, and so he can make a decent living as a coach after he's done fighting.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

One of my favorite instructors at my gym (kickboxing) moved to Vegas to train at a larger gym. He's commented in the past about how he fights because it's the best way for him to make a living and how he wish he could just fight and not have to have a side job. Well that same person has been posting nearly daily about eating out a steakhouse and other fine dining establishments.

I can't imagine setting up a long term career around beating someone or getting beaten by someone. A coworker's son did that for a while and has a laundry list of physical (and possibly mental) issues from it. Basically an old man's body in his 20s.

The bit with the cranial impact isn't long-term, any more than a career in bull riding or barrel racing is. The idea is to use competition to establish your credibility, and to draw attention to the business that will provide you with bread and butter for the rest of your life. In rodeo that might be your horse training business; in martial arts it might be the school you own or the line of gear you manufacture.

Depending on the sport, a very few athletes can make enough seed money through competition to start up such a business. For the vast majority it costs more to compete than you can make with even if you win 90% of your competitions.

[Papa Mustache]

All true - I wonder if coworker's son was either very bad at his chosen sport or he was so determined to win that he took too much of a beating for his own good.

Not my son so I'll not dwell on it.  ;)

[Metric Mouse]

Can we take all the feminist/bible foam to another thread? Take that shit to the off topic forum because it's off topic and I don't care about it.  Let's get this thread back on track and post what actually is important: random facebook posts from friends of random message board users.

This.  I'm sorry I even brought it up at this point.

Black sabbaths are usually orange or red ;)

I've seen some that are yellow striped. :D

[Taran Wanderer]

"Super proud of you Eddie! Buying your first pickup is a big deal and you worked hard for it!"

Accompanied by photo of college-aged kid with a shiny 4wd Toyota quadcab with stock wheels, so surely there is a future wheel and tire upgrade pending.  At least it sounds like he saved up for it?  Maybe?

How would life be different if the money went into a year or two of maxing his Roth IRA?

[MrRealEstate]

A few weeks ago a friend and I were laying out a plan for a younger friend to find reliable transportation without crippling him financially for many years down the road.

Today I saw a post from a local dealership with him tagged in a picture of a brand new equinox... Glad we spent a good hour working with him and answering all his questions for him to ignore everything we said. 

[ketchup]

A few weeks ago a friend and I were laying out a plan for a younger friend to find reliable transportation without crippling him financially for many years down the road.

Today I saw a post from a local dealership with him tagged in a picture of a brand new equinox... Glad we spent a good hour working with him and answering all his questions for him to ignore everything we said.

Reminds me of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law.  They sat down with me three years ago (knowing I'm financially-minded/long-term-thinker/etc) and asked if I thought buying a brand new car was the best for them long-term.  They wanted me to be candid with them.  I was.  They nodded along with everything I said and thought it made sense.  They bought the car anyway.  Why ask for my help?

[frugalnacho]

A few weeks ago a friend and I were laying out a plan for a younger friend to find reliable transportation without crippling him financially for many years down the road.

Today I saw a post from a local dealership with him tagged in a picture of a brand new equinox... Glad we spent a good hour working with him and answering all his questions for him to ignore everything we said.

Reminds me of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law.  They sat down with me three years ago (knowing I'm financially-minded/long-term-thinker/etc) and asked if I thought buying a brand new car was the best for them long-term.  They wanted me to be candid with them.  I was.  They nodded along with everything I said and thought it made sense.  They bought the car anyway.  Why ask for my help?

Because they wanted you to agree with them and tell them it was a great idea and it was the best long-term decision they could make.  And if you don't praise them well fuck you they want to buy a car anyway.

[Papa Mustache]

And it wouldn't be a long term situation anyhow. Probably just until it was paid off. j/k

[frugalnacho]

I wanted your opinion...until I found out it's different from mine.

[Zikoris]

A few weeks ago a friend and I were laying out a plan for a younger friend to find reliable transportation without crippling him financially for many years down the road.

Today I saw a post from a local dealership with him tagged in a picture of a brand new equinox... Glad we spent a good hour working with him and answering all his questions for him to ignore everything we said.

Oh god, I've been in this situation with trying to help people find affordable housing. I'm a bit of an apartment ninja, and the Vancouver housing market is kind of weird, so more than once struggling friends have come to me looking for help. I walk them through the process step by step of how to pay 50% or less of the market rates, giving a bunch of different scenarios and options. A week later I see a facebook post about how they signed a new lease for 2K/month or some other insanity. Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

[MrsDinero]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

+1

I had friends who asked me for budgeting help. They were negative every month. Their credit cards were maxed out (tens of thousands of dollars) and they were talking about taking a 401k loan to pay off one of the credit cards ($25k limit).  I spend almost a week working with them to create a budget that included cuts and reductions.  In the end they decided to making the cuts, which included leaving their rented McMansion and finding something smaller and cheaper was too hard and they took out the 401k loan. 

That was 2 years ago. 

They are still paying back their 401k loan, the credit card stayed at a 0 balance for about 3 months, and they have purchased a more expensive McMansion.

[Kitsune]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone - your secret tip for getting stuff cheaper requires that I have to lift a finger, perhaps even multiple fingers? That sounds like work! Too much trouble for me, I'll just wave my magic piece of plastic in the air and magically get what I want right now.

I shouldn't throw stones, I've certainly thrown money at stuff before but I'd like to think that I at least seriously consider weather it's worth it to me to put in the work before I decide to just throw money at something.

Well. Is it worth 5 hours to save 5$? Not usually, no.

Is it worth 5 hours to save hundreds of dollars monthly with no recurring effort after the first 5 hours? In almost all cases, absolutely.

Usually the truth is somewhere between those extremes. :)

[zephyr911]

That was 2 years ago.

Think of the returns they missed by pulling that $25K out of the market.

They are still paying back their 401k loan, the credit card stayed at a 0 balance for about 3 months, and they have purchased a more expensive McMansion.

You can lead a horse to water....

[Zikoris]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone - your secret tip for getting stuff cheaper requires that I have to lift a finger, perhaps even multiple fingers? That sounds like work! Too much trouble for me, I'll just wave my magic piece of plastic in the air and magically get what I want right now.

I shouldn't throw stones, I've certainly thrown money at stuff before but I'd like to think that I at least seriously consider weather it's worth it to me to put in the work before I decide to just throw money at something.

Well. Is it worth 5 hours to save 5$? Not usually, no.

Is it worth 5 hours to save hundreds of dollars monthly with no recurring effort after the first 5 hours? In almost all cases, absolutely.

Usually the truth is somewhere between those extremes. :)

And honestly, the stuff I tell people to do is not hugely time consuming - send applications to these apartment buildings, search Craigslist with these parameters, phone this property management place. If it's a nice day, take a bike ride through these neighbourhoods and look for "FOR RENT" signs. And of course you actually have to clean, pack, and move once you secure a place. But apparently it's WAY less work to just sign a new lease at your current place and continue getting ripped off.

[Pooperman]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone - your secret tip for getting stuff cheaper requires that I have to lift a finger, perhaps even multiple fingers? That sounds like work! Too much trouble for me, I'll just wave my magic piece of plastic in the air and magically get what I want right now.

I shouldn't throw stones, I've certainly thrown money at stuff before but I'd like to think that I at least seriously consider weather it's worth it to me to put in the work before I decide to just throw money at something.

Well. Is it worth 5 hours to save 5$? Not usually, no.

Is it worth 5 hours to save hundreds of dollars monthly with no recurring effort after the first 5 hours? In almost all cases, absolutely.

Usually the truth is somewhere between those extremes. :)

And honestly, the stuff I tell people to do is not hugely time consuming - send applications to these apartment buildings, search Craigslist with these parameters, phone this property management place. If it's a nice day, take a bike ride through these neighbourhoods and look for "FOR RENT" signs. And of course you actually have to clean, pack, and move once you secure a place. But apparently it's WAY less work to just sign a new lease at your current place and continue getting ripped off.

We did this when we moved into our current apartment. Market rent for a 1br is about 1250/month. We pay about 950/month. It meets all the same parameters, but the building is rent stabilized and 40 years old.

[MgoSam]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone - your secret tip for getting stuff cheaper requires that I have to lift a finger, perhaps even multiple fingers? That sounds like work! Too much trouble for me, I'll just wave my magic piece of plastic in the air and magically get what I want right now.

I shouldn't throw stones, I've certainly thrown money at stuff before but I'd like to think that I at least seriously consider weather it's worth it to me to put in the work before I decide to just throw money at something.

Well. Is it worth 5 hours to save 5$? Not usually, no.

Is it worth 5 hours to save hundreds of dollars monthly with no recurring effort after the first 5 hours? In almost all cases, absolutely.

Usually the truth is somewhere between those extremes. :)

And honestly, the stuff I tell people to do is not hugely time consuming - send applications to these apartment buildings, search Craigslist with these parameters, phone this property management place. If it's a nice day, take a bike ride through these neighbourhoods and look for "FOR RENT" signs. And of course you actually have to clean, pack, and move once you secure a place. But apparently it's WAY less work to just sign a new lease at your current place and continue getting ripped off.

We did this when we moved into our current apartment. Market rent for a 1br is about 1250/month. We pay about 950/month. It meets all the same parameters, but the building is rent stabilized and 40 years old.

THIS. My tenant tried to lowball me when we were discussing rent by showing me a bunch of craig's list ads for rooms in houses, I shrugged and told him my price was firm and he agreed. It helps that it is still a great deal and I'm glad he did as he's incredibly uiet and clean and pays on time.

[cheapass]

"Super proud of you Eddie! Buying your first pickup is a big deal and you worked hard for it!"

Methinks he didn't "buy" it (i.e. cash) and instead rented a shitload of money from the bank to get it. Me also thinks he doesn't understand what the fuck "depreciation", "fuel efficiency", or "opportunity cost" are.

[Taran Wanderer]

"Super proud of you Eddie! Buying your first pickup is a big deal and you worked hard for it!"

Methinks he didn't "buy" it (i.e. cash) and instead rented a shitload of money from the bank to get it. Me also thinks he doesn't understand what the fuck "depreciation", "fuel efficiency", or "opportunity cost" are.

I'm afraid you are probably right.

[VladTheImpaler]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone - your secret tip for getting stuff cheaper requires that I have to lift a finger, perhaps even multiple fingers? That sounds like work! Too much trouble for me, I'll just wave my magic piece of plastic in the air and magically get what I want right now.

I shouldn't throw stones, I've certainly thrown money at stuff before but I'd like to think that I at least seriously consider weather it's worth it to me to put in the work before I decide to just throw money at something.

Well. Is it worth 5 hours to save 5$? Not usually, no.

Is it worth 5 hours to save hundreds of dollars monthly with no recurring effort after the first 5 hours? In almost all cases, absolutely.

Usually the truth is somewhere between those extremes. :)

And honestly, the stuff I tell people to do is not hugely time consuming - send applications to these apartment buildings, search Craigslist with these parameters, phone this property management place. If it's a nice day, take a bike ride through these neighbourhoods and look for "FOR RENT" signs. And of course you actually have to clean, pack, and move once you secure a place. But apparently it's WAY less work to just sign a new lease at your current place and continue getting ripped off.

We did this when we moved into our current apartment. Market rent for a 1br is about 1250/month. We pay about 950/month. It meets all the same parameters, but the building is rent stabilized and 40 years old.

THIS. My tenant tried to lowball me when we were discussing rent by showing me a bunch of craig's list ads for rooms in houses, I shrugged and told him my price was firm and he agreed. It helps that it is still a great deal and I'm glad he did as he's incredibly uiet and clean and pays on time.

Maybe he's a fellow Mustachian?

[MgoSam]

Usually it comes out that they thought the steps were too much work.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone - your secret tip for getting stuff cheaper requires that I have to lift a finger, perhaps even multiple fingers? That sounds like work! Too much trouble for me, I'll just wave my magic piece of plastic in the air and magically get what I want right now.

I shouldn't throw stones, I've certainly thrown money at stuff before but I'd like to think that I at least seriously consider weather it's worth it to me to put in the work before I decide to just throw money at something.

Well. Is it worth 5 hours to save 5$? Not usually, no.

Is it worth 5 hours to save hundreds of dollars monthly with no recurring effort after the first 5 hours? In almost all cases, absolutely.

Usually the truth is somewhere between those extremes. :)

And honestly, the stuff I tell people to do is not hugely time consuming - send applications to these apartment buildings, search Craigslist with these parameters, phone this property management place. If it's a nice day, take a bike ride through these neighbourhoods and look for "FOR RENT" signs. And of course you actually have to clean, pack, and move once you secure a place. But apparently it's WAY less work to just sign a new lease at your current place and continue getting ripped off.

We did this when we moved into our current apartment. Market rent for a 1br is about 1250/month. We pay about 950/month. It meets all the same parameters, but the building is rent stabilized and 40 years old.

THIS. My tenant tried to lowball me when we were discussing rent by showing me a bunch of craig's list ads for rooms in houses, I shrugged and told him my price was firm and he agreed. It helps that it is still a great deal and I'm glad he did as he's incredibly uiet and clean and pays on time.

Maybe he's a fellow Mustachian?

Oh he is! He doesn't know of MMM but he's very frugal. One thing I do like about him living with me is that when something needs repair he'll give me suggestions as to how to get it done cheaply as opposed to just buying a new thing or paying full price for it. As he's my first tenant, this really helps me learn.

[ketchup]

A few weeks ago a friend and I were laying out a plan for a younger friend to find reliable transportation without crippling him financially for many years down the road.

Today I saw a post from a local dealership with him tagged in a picture of a brand new equinox... Glad we spent a good hour working with him and answering all his questions for him to ignore everything we said.

Reminds me of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law.  They sat down with me three years ago (knowing I'm financially-minded/long-term-thinker/etc) and asked if I thought buying a brand new car was the best for them long-term.  They wanted me to be candid with them.  I was.  They nodded along with everything I said and thought it made sense.  They bought the car anyway.  Why ask for my help?

Because they wanted you to agree with them and tell them it was a great idea and it was the best long-term decision they could make.  And if you don't praise them well fuck you they want to buy a car anyway.

It's sad too, because they tend to have their heads on right financially except for when it comes to cars.  They'll shop at thrift stores, cook at home, DIY a lot of things, etc.  And they were in a perfect situation to buy a sensible used car.  One of them had just inherited $6k and they had an additional cash cushion.  But no, instead of buying a good car for $4-5k and staying debt free and able to save, pissing all that money away on a down payment and then paying $400/mo for the next five years while making $25k/yr and saving nothing seemed like the way to go.  At least as new cars go it was semi-reasonable (a fuel-efficient Toyota) and the interest rate was good (thank [deity]), but still!  They could have been so far ahead in life by now if they just hadn't fucked that one up.  For a while they both had car payments that together were more than their (admittedly low) rent.

[Papa Mustache]

They sound like they wanted a shiny thing to brighten up their lives and help them forget they are poor. Of course they are poor b/c of the shiny thing. I have a coworker doing that with an apartment. Could make different choices and save a bit of money each month.

[Kitsune]

They sound like they wanted a shiny thing to brighten up their lives and help them forget they are poor. Of course they are poor b/c of the shiny thing. I have a coworker doing that with an apartment. Could make different choices and save a bit of money each month.

I think everyone here knows people in that patter. "I hate my job ---> go to starbucks to forget it for 10 minutes and feel good ---> spend an extra 200$ a month on fancy coffees ---> need to work longer at the job ---> go to starbucks..."

It's super helpful to identify your spending patterns and the reasons behind them. In my experience, it's never about the coffee/clothes/books/apartment, it's about the emotions behind them. You can't cut the spending without acknowledging the emotions.

For example, I used to spend money on clothing when I felt not-pretty. Identify cause/need, express to my husband, he makes more of an effort to TELL ME that he thinks I'm pretty (or, y'know, random make-outs and gropes, that works too), and I make more of an effort to pull on put-together-outfits instead of feeling blah in what I'm wearing and thereore I feel pretty even without new clothes that I don't need, and, having dealt with the emotions, I no longer spend much on clothing. Not dealing with the emotions and cutting spending would have SUCKED and just had me feeling un-pretty and frumpy and poor and unable to do anything about it - which is cheap. Same end result, MASSIVELY different path, much more satisfying solution.

[nobodyspecial]

I think everyone here knows people in that patter. "I hate my job ---> go to starbucks to forget it for 10 minutes and feel good ---> spend an extra 200$ a month on fancy coffees ---> need to work longer at the job ---> go to starbucks..."

Especially self-destructive if you work AT Starbucks

[onlykelsey]

They sound like they wanted a shiny thing to brighten up their lives and help them forget they are poor. Of course they are poor b/c of the shiny thing. I have a coworker doing that with an apartment. Could make different choices and save a bit of money each month.

I think everyone here knows people in that patter. "I hate my job ---> go to starbucks to forget it for 10 minutes and feel good ---> spend an extra 200$ a month on fancy coffees ---> need to work longer at the job ---> go to starbucks..."

It's super helpful to identify your spending patterns and the reasons behind them. In my experience, it's never about the coffee/clothes/books/apartment, it's about the emotions behind them. You can't cut the spending without acknowledging the emotions.

For example, I used to spend money on clothing when I felt not-pretty. Identify cause/need, express to my husband, he makes more of an effort to TELL ME that he thinks I'm pretty (or, y'know, random make-outs and gropes, that works too), and I make more of an effort to pull on put-together-outfits instead of feeling blah in what I'm wearing and thereore I feel pretty even without new clothes that I don't need, and, having dealt with the emotions, I no longer spend much on clothing. Not dealing with the emotions and cutting spending would have SUCKED and just had me feeling un-pretty and frumpy and poor and unable to do anything about it - which is cheap. Same end result, MASSIVELY different path, much more satisfying solution.

Ugh, yes, I go through periods of doing this at work.  I feel deprived and angry about being at work at 3 AM, so I spitefully order a bunch of clothing that I "deserve" and then have to spend 45 minutes the next week returning it all, because I don't actually want the clothing, and didn't think through the purchase at all.  It's silly, because I actually could stand to spend some money on my work wardrobe, but angry 3 AM online shopping is clearly not the answer.

[mm1970]

They sound like they wanted a shiny thing to brighten up their lives and help them forget they are poor. Of course they are poor b/c of the shiny thing. I have a coworker doing that with an apartment. Could make different choices and save a bit of money each month.

I think everyone here knows people in that patter. "I hate my job ---> go to starbucks to forget it for 10 minutes and feel good ---> spend an extra 200$ a month on fancy coffees ---> need to work longer at the job ---> go to starbucks..."

It's super helpful to identify your spending patterns and the reasons behind them. In my experience, it's never about the coffee/clothes/books/apartment, it's about the emotions behind them. You can't cut the spending without acknowledging the emotions.

For example, I used to spend money on clothing when I felt not-pretty. Identify cause/need, express to my husband, he makes more of an effort to TELL ME that he thinks I'm pretty (or, y'know, random make-outs and gropes, that works too), and I make more of an effort to pull on put-together-outfits instead of feeling blah in what I'm wearing and thereore I feel pretty even without new clothes that I don't need, and, having dealt with the emotions, I no longer spend much on clothing. Not dealing with the emotions and cutting spending would have SUCKED and just had me feeling un-pretty and frumpy and poor and unable to do anything about it - which is cheap. Same end result, MASSIVELY different path, much more satisfying solution.

Yes, I had a coworker whose wife was a spender.  At one point (10-12 years ago) they had $14k of credit card debt.  I was early in my heavy-frugal days.  Once he said "But MM, she works so hard, how can I tell her she can't buy that?  She deserves it!"  I said "well, because you can't afford it."

[jinga nation]

It's super helpful to identify your spending patterns and the reasons behind them. In my experience, it's never about the coffee/clothes/books/apartment, it's about the emotions behind them. You can't cut the spending without acknowledging the emotions.

Change comes from within. Why would the masses want to do that? Have they lost their mind? A herd mentality shift? Or individual straggling outliers who will be killed by lions, wolves, shady financial advisers from EJ/Ameriprise.

[zephyr911]

I think everyone here knows people in that patter. "I hate my job ---> go to starbucks to forget it for 10 minutes and feel good ---> spend an extra 200$ a month on fancy coffees ---> need to work longer at the job ---> go to starbucks..."

Especially self-destructive if you work AT Starbucks

Way better to work at some mom-and-pop that comps you while on the job. Then again, that could go wrong too.

On my last tour in Iraq, my main outlet other than my band was a free coffee shop run by some chaplain's office, where I volunteered just to get my mind off work. I mostly worked with this one soldier (still a friend) whose personality and mine created a manic feedback loop; we traded shots till we were jacked out of our minds, blasting metal and screaming at the customers for laughs.

I ended up so amped on that coffee (or uber-strong chai from the Iraqis) that I was up till the wee hours almost every night, and it mucked up my performance... possibly contributing to a slight truncation of my $15k/mo contract... oh well. >.<

[MgoSam]

They sound like they wanted a shiny thing to brighten up their lives and help them forget they are poor. Of course they are poor b/c of the shiny thing. I have a coworker doing that with an apartment. Could make different choices and save a bit of money each month.

I think everyone here knows people in that patter. "I hate my job ---> go to starbucks to forget it for 10 minutes and feel good ---> spend an extra 200$ a month on fancy coffees ---> need to work longer at the job ---> go to starbucks..."

It's super helpful to identify your spending patterns and the reasons behind them. In my experience, it's never about the coffee/clothes/books/apartment, it's about the emotions behind them. You can't cut the spending without acknowledging the emotions.

For example, I used to spend money on clothing when I felt not-pretty. Identify cause/need, express to my husband, he makes more of an effort to TELL ME that he thinks I'm pretty (or, y'know, random make-outs and gropes, that works too), and I make more of an effort to pull on put-together-outfits instead of feeling blah in what I'm wearing and thereore I feel pretty even without new clothes that I don't need, and, having dealt with the emotions, I no longer spend much on clothing. Not dealing with the emotions and cutting spending would have SUCKED and just had me feeling un-pretty and frumpy and poor and unable to do anything about it - which is cheap. Same end result, MASSIVELY different path, much more satisfying solution.

Yes, I had a coworker whose wife was a spender.  At one point (10-12 years ago) they had $14k of credit card debt.  I was early in my heavy-frugal days.  Once he said "But MM, she works so hard, how can I tell her she can't buy that?  She deserves it!"  I said "well, because you can't afford it."

Friend posted this on Facebook, I think it's relevant in this case as well.

[dragoncar]

Friend posted this on Facebook, I think it's relevant in this case as well.

In that case, I demand my pad and paper immediately!

[Metric Mouse]

Friend posted this on Facebook, I think it's relevant in this case as well.

In that case, I demand my pad and paper immediately!

Nice.

[cavewoman]

My husbands best friend and his fiance are pregnant, and they each just inherited a sum of money totalling over 50k combined.

What a great set up for first time parenthood, right? Well if it was, i wouldnt be posting here. They've already spent 2-3k on new laptops because gaming graphics, buy records by the pound, and she is getting a new car. My husband tried to talk to his friend (the dad-to-be) about how she could get something around a 2005 and be set, but she wants a brand new car.
My husband might have gotten through to the future dad a bit about how he should invest some of his inheritance for the education of his son since his son will never get to meet his grandma, so there is some hope.

This couple is engaged but argue about whose turn it is to buy the toothpaste. I know that some couples separate finances and that works great for them but that just seems like taking it to a whole new level. 

[kayvent]

My husbands best friend and his fiance are pregnant, and they each just inherited a sum of money totalling over 50k combined.

What a great set up for first time parenthood, right? Well if it was, i wouldnt be posting here. They've already spent 2-3k on new laptops because gaming graphics, buy records by the pound, and she is getting a new car. My husband tried to talk to his friend (the dad-to-be) about how she could get something around a 2005 and be set, but she wants a brand new car.
My husband might have gotten through to the future dad a bit about how he should invest some of his inheritance for the education of his son since his son will never get to meet his grandma, so there is some hope.

This couple is engaged but argue about whose turn it is to buy the toothpaste. I know that some couples separate finances and that works great for them but that just seems like taking it to a whole new level.

I feel bad for this but I feel jealous of people who's relatives above them have money/assets. I'd love to just casually get tens of thousands of dollars, at once, for landing in the right gene pool.

[Little Aussie Battler]

I feel bad for this but I feel jealous of people who's relatives above them have money/assets. I'd love to just casually get tens of thousands of dollars, at once, for landing in the right gene pool.

You live in Canada with good internet access, job prospects, healthcare, running water etc.

Assuming you were born there, being in this gene pool was worth a significant amount.

[kayvent]

I feel bad for this but I feel jealous of people who's relatives above them have money/assets. I'd love to just casually get tens of thousands of dollars, at once, for landing in the right gene pool.

You live in Canada with good internet access, job prospects, healthcare, running water etc.

Assuming you were born there, being in this gene pool was worth a significant amount.

Touché. I remember a news stories about millionaires in the Hamptons complaining about the billionaires in their neighbourhood with their jets and how they don't understand how it hurts their middle class feelings to look how well off some people are.

I could counter with the trope of "raised by a single mother on welfare with three other children, illiterate until the sixth grade" and so forth but your point would still beat mine. Thanks for the friendly reminder. It brought a little light to my day to be reminded :)