Overheard on Facebook

[vivophoenix]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

it sucks that everyone knows she is hiding debt but her husband.

I know - she mentioned it to my sister on a shopping trip. She crosses the border to the U.S. as often as once a week in summer to pick up packages she has shipped there (an hour drive from her home). SHE DOESN'T WORK. And she never declared anything, one day got searched and now she is 'red flagged' because they found all the stuff she was bringing back and never paying on it.

i didnt know they were that serious about declaring, or did she have that much stuff one her?

i know the shopping malls in buffalo, ny  were built specifically for canadians

We should start leaving comments on her blog about hiding her debt.

is it that hidden though, if she has a blog about fashion and shopping and no job, the husband must be burying his head in the sand, esp if she is picking up merchandise once a week.

Depending on who pays the bills it is probably pretty easy to hide that kind of stuff.  If you're always the one checking the mail then it is easy to hide it.

youre right,  i just assumed if I were the breadwinner, id keep some sort of eye on the bread.

[MandalayVA]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

it sucks that everyone knows she is hiding debt but her husband.

I know - she mentioned it to my sister on a shopping trip. She crosses the border to the U.S. as often as once a week in summer to pick up packages she has shipped there (an hour drive from her home). SHE DOESN'T WORK. And she never declared anything, one day got searched and now she is 'red flagged' because they found all the stuff she was bringing back and never paying on it.

i didnt know they were that serious about declaring, or did she have that much stuff one her?

i know the shopping malls in buffalo, ny  were built specifically for canadians

We should start leaving comments on her blog about hiding her debt.

is it that hidden though, if she has a blog about fashion and shopping and no job, the husband must be burying his head in the sand, esp if she is picking up merchandise once a week.

Depending on who pays the bills it is probably pretty easy to hide that kind of stuff.  If you're always the one checking the mail then it is easy to hide it.

youre right,  i just assumed if I were the breadwinner, id keep some sort of eye on the bread.

Fashion bloggers' husbands are notoriously stupid.  There's a website called Get Off My Internets that lives to snark about bloggers.  It's hilarious.

[straycat]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

it sucks that everyone knows she is hiding debt but her husband.

I know - she mentioned it to my sister on a shopping trip. She crosses the border to the U.S. as often as once a week in summer to pick up packages she has shipped there (an hour drive from her home). SHE DOESN'T WORK. And she never declared anything, one day got searched and now she is 'red flagged' because they found all the stuff she was bringing back and never paying on it.

i didnt know they were that serious about declaring, or did she have that much stuff one her?

i know the shopping malls in buffalo, ny  were built specifically for canadians

Well, she's only be over for a couple of hours picking up packages - every week. They track you by your passport and license plate. I also have a US shipping address and I have been pulled over to pay every. single. time. I print out all receipts for everything I've got though (this is usually an exercise in saving money in the long run as certain things are MUCH cheaper even after taking into account the duty etc.).

[AH013]

youre right,  i just assumed if I were the breadwinner, id keep some sort of eye on the bread.

Sadly in many 1 income households there is a strong mentality of "I work hard enough earning the money...the least you can do is handle the finances".  To be fair, when all you've got to do is manage a 9 year old...I'm not saying it's an easy job, but 9 months of the year you have a pretty nice 7+ hour break every day M-F to carve out 2 hours MAX a month for handling the bills.  Is it dumb to blindly trust the other?  Sure is.  But there are tons of people who only find out how stupid it was when they go to get a divorce and find out they'll walk away with debt or they want to retire at 67 and are informed that retirement isn't possible until they are dead.

[ms]

Mom with newborn: Hi ladies as most of you know i had hell of a week last week with my husband, in laws and 2 cars breaking down. We had to pay for a car to be fixed so my husband can work, but now we barely have money for food let alone bills. Well getting back to the point, unless I think of something I won't have a phone, nor Internet so I won't see you ladies for a while.

Helpful suggestions in the replies:

#1

Sorry you're having such a rough week, but don't stress! I have literally waited months to pay my bills. They won't shut off your heat in winter, they will happily charge you a small late fee for cell phone, internet, cable, etc. No one will hassle you until it's been like 4-6 months. I only get paid every three months, and I'm notoriously bad at mismanaging my finances, so I've tested them all. You'll get it sorted and no one will cancel anything. Unless you use a pay as you go phone.

#2

Hahaha me too! Worst ever tho was when I let (her husband) pay all the bills while I was on my first mat leave. He decided it was easiest to just not pay anyone!! We ended up with every creditor calling, and finally I took over the finances!

#3

How much do you need? I like you so much, i WILL send you a little bit to help!

[MBot]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

I'm originally from close to London, Ontario and my husbands fam is from St. Thomas, Ontario. Looking at that blog I can think of a dozen people in that town who are like this. I don't GET it.

[LadyDriver]

I participate in a facebook group for female truck drivers. One posted today about being fired far from home and needing help to get she and her dog home.

One driver posted "that is why I always have an emergency fund of at least $2K". So far so good.

Then came the flood of "How can anyone ever save 2K on what we are paid?"

Take heart, the OP has started a gofundme.

[Goldielocks]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

it sucks that everyone knows she is hiding debt but her husband.

I know - she mentioned it to my sister on a shopping trip. She crosses the border to the U.S. as often as once a week in summer to pick up packages she has shipped there (an hour drive from her home). SHE DOESN'T WORK. And she never declared anything, one day got searched and now she is 'red flagged' because they found all the stuff she was bringing back and never paying on it.

i didnt know they were that serious about declaring, or did she have that much stuff one her?

i know the shopping malls in buffalo, ny  were built specifically for canadians

Yep, they are that serious.  Here is the thing, if you declare and it is an amount under $200, they often won't make you pay duty.  They care about the lying, but are officially not in the tax revenue business, just the border security business.    Drives the resident businesses nuts that they waive so many duty payments.

[Pooperman]

Friends with credit card debt are going for a fancy dinner and a couples massage, or so they've just announced. Supposedly it's getting paid off, but then I saw this so... hmm.

[MandalayVA]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

[Rezdent]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

Let us hope that she left her account up on the screen and one of her incredibly gifted babes wrote that ;)

[Logic_Lady]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

Let us hope that she left her account up on the screen and one of her incredibly gifted babes wrote that ;)

Or that this was meant as a joke about internet slang.

[tofuchampion]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

[Zikoris]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

Can you enlighten us? I still can't decipher it.

[dandarc]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

Can you enlighten us? I still can't decipher it.

After much thought here's what I"ve got:  What is "YOU?"  Do you mean "u?"  Just Asking.

[zephyr911]

I know someone who has access to unlimited overtime at a pretty good rate. His wife works 1.5 hours away for 4 hours a day at min wage. I ask him why doesnt he just work a few hours overtime and she can stay home and take care of the kid, cook, and stuff. He works zero overtime

The reasons 1. They need the money (broke me on that one) 2. Taxes will be too much and he wont see any overtime 3. Why should she get to stay home all day and him do all the work.

Sweet JFC, I am now dumber for having read that. All he has to do is reduce withholding by adding a few exemptions.

[johnny847]

I know someone who has access to unlimited overtime at a pretty good rate. His wife works 1.5 hours away for 4 hours a day at min wage. I ask him why doesnt he just work a few hours overtime and she can stay home and take care of the kid, cook, and stuff. He works zero overtime

The reasons 1. They need the money (broke me on that one) 2. Taxes will be too much and he wont see any overtime 3. Why should she get to stay home all day and him do all the work.

Sweet JFC, I am now dumber for having read that. All he has to do is reduce withholding by adding a few exemptions.

He doesn't even technically need to do that, as he will get a refund for the proper amount come tax season. Of course, if he wants his money during the year, then yes, he will have to add a few allowances (the correct term is allowances, not exemptions. Exemptions are worth $4000 in 2015 on your tax return, and you get one for every adult and child on your tax return, barring a few exceptions).

[KCM5]

Fashion bloggers' husbands are notoriously stupid.  There's a website called Get Off My Internets that lives to snark about bloggers.  It's hilarious.

My two favorite websites collide! Amazing.

And yes, Get Off My Internets is hilarious.

[MandalayVA]

Oh, my God.  No, seriously. OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I don't post on FB that often--I mostly use it to play games--but the other day I posted a little about the abnormally cold weather that's been around here lately.  "You have to see it to believe it," I wrote.

Today I got a response back from my oldest niece, who is 26:

"hi wuts YOU do u mean u just askin"

She's 26, has three kids and wants to homeschool them when they get of age.

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THE STUPIDITY ABOUT TO BE UNLEASHED.

I had to read that half a dozen times to even figure out wtf she was saying.

Can you enlighten us? I still can't decipher it.

After much thought here's what I"ve got:  What is "YOU?"  Do you mean "u?"  Just Asking.

Dandarc got it.  To be honest, I'm not quite certain that she's not, ahem, special.  If she didn't look so much like us I would think this was a "swapped at birth" thing.  My brother has asked Niece's mom, my oldest sister, how often Niece was dropped on her head as a baby in dead seriousness.  How this girl graduated from high school is one of the great mysteries of life.  She's just flat out DUMB.  But of course she's the one popping out the most kids ...

[dandarc]

To be honest, I'm not quite certain that she's not, ahem, special.  If she didn't look so much like us I would think this was a "swapped at birth" thing.  My brother has asked Niece's mom, my oldest sister, how often Niece was dropped on her head as a baby in dead seriousness.  How this girl graduated from high school is one of the great mysteries of life.  She's just flat out DUMB.  But of course she's the one popping out the most kids ...

So Idiocracy in action.  Lucky for the world reversion to the mean is a thing.

[Kmp2]

I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.


<edit> the k means carat... not 1500

It's more like a 20,000$ ring...

[vivophoenix]

I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.

its kinda hard to mock someone just for  buying their loved one a piece of jewelry for less than 2k.

does he complain about not being able to afford food?

[Kmp2]

I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.

its kinda hard to mock someone just for  buying their loved one a piece of jewelry for less than 2k.

does he complain about not being able to afford food?

sorry - my bad, I obviously don't have this diamond shorthand figured out :)
it's actually a 1.5 carat diamond... and a best guess about 20k dollars.

[FIreDrill]

I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.


<edit> the k means carat... not 1500

It's more like a 20,000$ ring...

Pshh 20 grand is chump change! :P

Seriously though, that would be like working 6 months to show my wife I love her.... I'd rather spend 6 months with her in Europe or something crazy like that.  I know she would enjoy that much more than a diamond...

[straycat]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

I'm originally from close to London, Ontario and my husbands fam is from St. Thomas, Ontario. Looking at that blog I can think of a dozen people in that town who are like this. I don't GET it.

Interesting! I'm from a town half an hour north of London!

[vivophoenix]

I almost forgot to put this here...

a brand new 1.5k circle cut diamond ring to replace a engagement ring... as a valentines gift. They've been married less than 10 years.. this is no renewal of vows ring @ 25/40/50 years anniversary! Which at least I might be able to wrap my head around.

I so can not relate.

its kinda hard to mock someone just for  buying their loved one a piece of jewelry for less than 2k.

does he complain about not being able to afford food?

sorry - my bad, I obviously don't have this diamond shorthand figured out :)
it's actually a 1.5 carat diamond... and a best guess about 20k dollars.

this is probably my bad, i see k and think money not carats

$20k is whole other animal.

its funny when people talk about gifts like this. i could see myself  wanting  the cash so i could roll around in it.

[zolotiyeruki]

this is probably my bad, i see k and think money not carats

$20k is whole other animal.

its funny when people talk about gifts like this. i could see myself  wanting  the cash so i could roll around in it.

I think it should probably have been abbreviated as "1.5ct"

[johnintaiwan]

your price on the diamond is way off in my opinion. Carat is only one piece of the puzzle. I have seen 1.5ct diamonds from a little over $500 to over 20K. But those at the highest end are very rare and the price starts to drop off quickly once it is no longer flawless. I am guessing they still paid around 5-10K though for a decent quality one. Still a waste of money in my book

[MgoSam]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

[PMG]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

As a single youngish woman...  I don't want a ring.  I would hate being surprised with something during proposal and feel obligated to pretend to like it!  Honestly, my potential fiancé should know me well enough to know that!  I'd definitely recommend discussing it so that both parties have the same expectations.  I just don't wear rings or much other jewelry for that matter.  It makes my skin feel weird. If it's expensive I'm always afraid I'll lose it. I also don't like the concept of being marked as belonging to someone!  I could perhaps be convinced to get simple matching wedding bands, but we would have to be in accord and not have feelings hurt if I rarely wore it.

I want to save that ring money and travel! 

[Elliot]

First, I haven't found many women who enjoy being called "females," which is a completely unsolicited anecdote, but take it or leave it.

As for your question, the kind of ring each woman will want (what gem, what size, what style, if she prioritizes size or quality, or even wants a ring at all) will vary greatly based on the woman in question. Ideally, by the time you plan to propose you will know and understand your future bride well enough to know what styles she gravitates toward, or you'll be in a relationship that's comfortable and mature enough to allow the two of you to have frank discussions about the topic.

[gimp]

If you're gonna buy a ring for a lady, you should know damn well what the lady wants. If you don't, you shouldn't be buying the ring. Subtle conversations are a good thing to have if you want it to be a semi-surprise.

Practically speaking, every girl wants something different. Some want a big diamond (mined, created, or no preference), others a big nice rock (eg, sapphire/ruby or emerald), others different rocks. Some want a brand new ring, some vintage, some don't care. Some want little rocks, some no rocks, some don't give a fuck, some want a $20 ring and a vacation, some like their hair pulled and some don't... you get the idea, yes?

There are lots of ways to go frugal without being cheap, but they depend on the lady in question.

[caliq]

First, I haven't found many women who enjoy being called "females," which is a completely unsolicited anecdote, but take it or leave it.

As for your question, the kind of ring each woman will want (what gem, what size, what style, if she prioritizes size or quality, or even wants a ring at all) will vary greatly based on the woman in question. Ideally, by the time you plan to propose you will know and understand your future bride well enough to know what styles she gravitates toward, or you'll be in a relationship that's comfortable and mature enough to allow the two of you to have frank discussions about the topic.

+1

'Females' is so weird.  It makes me feel like I'm reading a journal article.

If you don't know your SO well enough to know what kind of ring she would prefer, you don't know her well enough to be proposing in the first place.

My anecdote, as a 23 year old newlywed woman:

I was never 'engaged.'  DH bought a house I chose about six months before we got married (we had lived together for 9 months or so before that), and we'd both been very aware and upfront about the idea that marriage was the eventual destination.  I had been wavering about the idea of a big wedding (gah so much stress!) vs. just eloping or having something small with immediate family or whatever.  He woke up one morning and said 'let's get married today' and then we went down to the town hall and got the license, called an officiant, and went to a jewelry store where I picked out a $400 ring -- it's a pearl flanked by two teeny tiny diamonds.  It looks exactly like a cheap fake ring I had loved but unfortunately lost and I loved it (still love it!).  We got married that evening in our living room with just our puppy witnessing :)  A couple months later we did spend a chunk of savings on a diamond 'engagement' and wedding band set (both rings have multiple diamonds), at which time we got his ring too.  All three rings were ~8k total IIRC.  Horribly antimustachian and pre-MMM for us -- if I could go back, I wouldn't spend anywhere near that amount.  But, hate to say it, I really love these rings and of course, selling them won't get us back anywhere near the amount we spent.  I would have been totally happy with the pearl ring, and am totally happy with these rings, and would have married him without any rings at all. 

[Pooperman]

Pitagirl (now fiancé) received the ring she wanted: white gold with a sapphire and tiny diamonds. It was totally not expensive at all and looks awesome. $300.

[Sayyadina]

"Females" doesn't bother me as much when it's paired with "males" (which it was). When it's "men and females" it annoys me greatly.

+1 on the "know your fiancee enough to know what she wants and what you want".

[galliver]

Ditto "it depends on the lady," from another young woman headed that direction.

But I'll also add that relationships are give and take...so I hope any of my fellow women who don't really want rings...would still accept one if it was an important symbol to their SO. Maybe with the stipulation that it might not be worn, or not worn on the finger. Like many things in a relationship, it's a compromise. 

[fantabulous]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

For me? A nice order of onion rings.

[10dollarsatatime]

For me... either a nice carbon fiber band (because they shatter when they get smashed, as opposed to just crimping on your finger... I work in one of those occupations), or a silver or white gold band, possibly with an engraved pattern.  I don't want a rock.  I'd just catch it on things or lose it.

[Adventine]

I would love it if someone proposed with me not with an expensive piece of jewelry I'll never wear, but with a piece of paper with his updated net worth and/of investment account information. His proposal would sound something like this: "I love you and I trust you more than anyone else in this world. I'd like to build a future with you, and on this paper are the numbers that prove how committed I am to making that happen."

/swoon
/Mustachian daydream

[I'm a red panda]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

As others have said, this is totally going to depend on the person.  I would have hated a big ol' ring.  But I do like the reasonable size ring my husband picked for me.  And we talked a lot about what kind of diamond I wanted (square cut), as well as whether or not we wanted to get married.  If he proposed out of the blue, and we hadn't talked about getting married- I would not have been amused.  It was a mutual decision, though I didn't know exactly when he was going to officially ask.

[Megma]

My SO and I are also headed in this direction. Apparently (from talking to him) menfolk feel a lot of pressure to buy a giant, surprise ring when proposing, which frankly surprised me that he thought this would be at all necessary knowing me (though I do have a very blinged out mom who has given me some serious bling I occasionally wear). He now knows this because we TALKED about it.

I told him in no uncertain terms to try and buy me a ring, I will probably hate it and want return it immediately. I do want a ring but I don't expect him to magically know what I will want to wear for the next 60 years, that is an insane expectation IMO. However, many other women would want the ring at the proposal!

You will have to talk to your future wife about it, maybe you will meet a mustaschian lady? good luck!

[codemonkey]

My wife had a cooking class recently with a group of women.  When they were done, one lady was "helping" clean up and threw the leftover food away - in the trash!  She wrapped it up in napkins and tossed it.  My wife dug it out when they left...  when I say leftovers, I dont mean what was on peoples plates - this was fresh stuff no one put on a plate yet.

Now to the FB part.  I thought maybe it was a fluke, but nope, this same person posted the following:

"Last night I made lasagna for dinner, but after assembling it all, I had some ingredients left over.  So, I decided to make lasagna rolls.  I had never made them before.  They turned out delicious and the kids LOVED them!  Plus, since I ended up using all of the extra ingredients, I ended up with enough leftovers for us to have another dinner this week since the hubby is out of town.  Success!  I am going to start using all of my extra ingredients from now on rather than tossing them out."

She normally throws away enough food for two more meals! ?

My mother-in-law is staying with us for a few days, and she was helping clean up after dinner last night.  While my wife and I were distracted taking care of the kids, she threw away a bunch of food that was still on serving plates.  We never throw food away, even if it's already been served, and my wife was quite upset.  Unfortunately the food was in with dirty diapers, so we just let it go.

My MIL has commented before that her and her husband do not eat leftovers, even when they take them home from restaurants, which happens 3-5 times a week.  I guess there's a reason she's still working at 58 and will be for some time.  She's concerned about them losing their house, she's cosigned on my sister-in-laws 100k+ of student loans which may all be coming back to her to pay, and she straight up said that she'd rather not budget because it's less stressful than actually knowing where her money is going.

Mind blown.

[zephyr911]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

By the time you propose, several things should have happened.
1) You should basically know that she wants to marry you. Really. Popping the question, in the sense of raising the subject for the first time, especially in a public place with a big ring, is fairy-tale movie shit. And I do mean shit. Communication is key to successful relationships and making a major purchase without knowing her stance on merging fortunes is just stupid. She may not be ready, or she may say yes because of all the pressure that type of situation creates (edit: and change her mind after thinking it through).
2) You should have a very good idea of her values and priorities - and they should be very similar if not identical to yours!
3) Building on #2, you should have already had enough conversations about money to know how she feels about an expensive ring. And if her feelings on the subject aren't the same as yours, maybe you shouldn't get married.

I was prepared to spend a decent amount of money on a ring - nowhere near the bullshit marketing-ploy "rule of thumb" 2 months salary, as I didn't have that much cash and all the options in that range were hideously gaudy, but maybe a couple grand for something she really liked. She suggested that we spend the money on a better honeymoon instead. We paid about $40 a piece for some cool rings - and $4K to spend a week with her family in Argentina and five days in the Brazilian rain forest. No regrets, ever.

Above all else - do NOT drop a shit-ton of coin trying to impress a woman who may or may not want you to, and may or may not be evaluating your suitability as a mate based on your adherence to a social "standard" manufactured by diamond companies to increase sales of diamonds. Talk to her, understand her views of things, and make an informed decision based on complete information.

[intirb]

Question: I'm a single youngish guy so this hasn't ever come up, but say I meet someone that I want to propose to, do you recommend buying a big ol' ring? Males, what did you do when proposing? Ideally it would be nice to find a female that doesn't care for a diamond, but I have seen that this is among the first thing that females look for once they hear a friend is engaged.

I hear that female cats don't care much for diamonds..

In all seriousness though, you should approach this decision the same way you intend to approach all relatively large decisions that will affect both of you in your marriage.  Do you want to have a marriage where you surprise her with a solution and her only input is you guessing what she wants or hints from friends?  Do you want to have a marriage where you drop hints, and she drops hints, and you both are sensitive enough to each other that you tacitly come to an agreement?  Do you want to have a marriage where you both avoid talking about the issue until you're both enjoying a few glasses of wine one day and then one of you cracks and lets it slip and then you shout past each other and argue until, a few glasses later, you reconcile and come to some generous and loving and alcohol-fueled agreement?

When you're at the point when you're considering rings, you should be at the point when you've both thought long and hard about and discussed what your marriage will be like.  Don't lose sight of the marriage when you're thinking about the proposal - this is an opportunity to show her that you're committed to making the process of marriage work. 

[MgoSam]

Thank you everyone for your advice.

[cavewoman]

I grew up with a family of four girls down the street and one was the same age as us so we were best friends. Her older sister was always super popular, had the neatest, newest stuff etc. Well now I see it with different eyes as an adult. She is married, has 2 kids and is apparently in debt she hides from her husband. She doesn't just buy name brands, she buys HIGH FASHION brands. Like "Coach and "Kate Spade" are for poor people, she thinks. She even started a blog about it at mydarlinglife.com if you want to yell at your screen. Her daughter got an iphone for her NINTH birthday. They go to Florida several times a year (we live in Ontario, Canada). She is grooming her kid to be like her, ordering her clothes from Nordstrom all the time. She posted a photo of the KID in Florida wearing her Ray Bans or something and the caption was "Every 9 year old girl needs her mirrored sunnies!". And I was like "NEEDS"??? hmm. Have had to hold myself back from commenting on SO many of her posts.

I visited the site, although I regret adding traffic to her site. 

She also has a stylist and pays for the pictures she has on her blog.  At first I thought "hey, maybe the blog is a small stream of income" but it sounds like the production costs even more than the clothes and accessories she's "DYING" over.

Pictures taken by Jackie Wilkins Photography and Hair and Makeup by Thelma and Jill at Taz Hair Co.

[lizzie]

I would love it if someone proposed with me not with an expensive piece of jewelry I'll never wear, but with a piece of paper with his updated net worth and/of investment account information. His proposal would sound something like this: "I love you and I trust you more than anyone else in this world. I'd like to build a future with you, and on this paper are the numbers that prove how committed I am to making that happen."

/swoon
/Mustachian daydream

This sorta reminds me of this furnace commercial I saw a long time ago. Two kinda gruff looking guys. First guy says he finally popped the question. Second guy says, "Did you get her a ring?" First guy: "No, something better." And he unfolds a picture of a furnace. Second guy shakes his head or looks dubious or something, and first guy says something like, "What?! I'm making a commitment here!"

I realize this is supposed to be a comical riff on the trope that men don't really understand romance or something, but I actually found it really romantic. He wants to make sure she's warm and cozy and he's a sensible and practical person who plans for the future! **swoon**

[grantmeaname]

What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

[zephyr911]

What exactly is the point of proposing after you've had an extensive conversation over a good length of time about your deserve to marry and your expectations from marriage? I don't get it.

You bring up a very good point.
Why indeed?
I never bothered, and here we are after two years married, four years together in total, happy as shit.
As far as I'm concerned, establishing clearly understood mutual expectations is far more important than identifying a specific point in time to make an awkwardly theatrical request. And if by some misfortune I ever end up single again, I will err even more on the side of lengthy discussions of expectations before asking. I feel more convinced every day that it was the right approach.

[gimp]

Because you get to make an event for a nice memory to last you the rest of your lifetime? Seems like fun. And also because it's expected, and most people look forward to one.

It's not for you - fine! Don't do it then. Some people just look up one day and say "Hey, we should get married" and that's that. That's great for them too.