Overheard on Facebook

[SpicyMcHaggus]

Friend just posted this article on Facebook with the caption, "I'm doing it right!" http://elitedaily.com/life/savings-20s-something-wrong/1214445/

I kept waiting for the punchline, but it never came.

There's nothing more painful than watching someone so wrong act so arrogant and self-assured.
She is either going to have a very painful wake-up call, or she WON'T have a wake-up call, but wonder why she can never get ahead.

Writers for sites like that either have trust funds or family money to fall back on. It's likely the author will never have a serious job in her life, and doesn't need the money generated by her clickbait bullshit articles. You should see some of the other drivel she has written.

[druth]

A friend just posted a go fund me to spay her cat.  If you can't afford to spay your cat, why do you have a cat!?  At least get one from the humane society where they come pre-fixed.

[NoraLenderbee]

Yeah, there are tons of these types of Go Fund Me pages with very little or zero contributions. It's simultaneously fascinating and sad to read through the types of inane requests people are making.

I quit our local Freecycle list because of these requests became too frequent. Not everyone was doing it - but the idea that people would join up just to ask for what I deem luxury items was insane.

Requests for name brand items or goofy specifics like brand and size of tires to fit custom wheels. What happened to driving a basic grocery getter car when a person is too poor for sporty or custom vehicles?

Maybe the Internet has delivered too much charity to folks and they have come to expect it rather than making MMM choices so they can have nicer things later.

Searching for roommates on Craigslist is kinda like that. So many "Please help!" postings...it's absurd. No, I'm not going to give you a bedroom in exchange for housework.

At least they didn't offer to trade for massage!

[flan]

Friend just posted this article on Facebook with the caption, "I'm doing it right!" http://elitedaily.com/life/savings-20s-something-wrong/1214445/

I kept waiting for the punchline, but it never came.

cai, I have a mission for you -- please post, in direct response to your friend's post, the link to the following rebuttal article:

Nice response to the article:

http://gawker.com/a-young-person-wrote-a-dumbass-article-with-bad-money-a-1731471536?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=thursdayPM

If you choose to accept this mission, please report back on what your friend says!

Unfortunately I am trying to stay a closet-Mustachian due not wanting to blow my cover on FB. However, I am trying to redeem myself the tiniest bit by enlightening a commenter on the Gawker article by linking to the Your Debt is an Emergency MMM article.

[Geostache]

Perhaps (like me and others here) their phone is paid for by their employer so they wouldn't personally be saving any money.  I'm eligible for an upgrade and have looked a bit at phones, but haven't seen one that I think I'd like significantly more than the one I still have...

Would that be the case, I'd think it less facepunch worthy. However, I do believe it was a request to upgrade a personal phone.

If the subsidy for the phone is built in the contract price and there is no reduction of the monthly payment once the contract expires it makes (superficial) sense to upgrade since one is paying for the phone anyway.

Of course, the really smart thing is to get an unlocked off-contract phone or keep the old one and a switch to a cheap prepaid plan.

Agreed on both accounts. I'm still trying to convince DH to make the move to Net10. Would save us about $720/yr to make the move, and get more for less than what we're paying now.

[MgoSam]

Perhaps (like me and others here) their phone is paid for by their employer so they wouldn't personally be saving any money.  I'm eligible for an upgrade and have looked a bit at phones, but haven't seen one that I think I'd like significantly more than the one I still have...

Would that be the case, I'd think it less facepunch worthy. However, I do believe it was a request to upgrade a personal phone.

Yeah, I'm a part of owner of my business, so technically I am still paying for it, but eventually I'll need to get a new phone. I looked at prices of new phones and was shocked cause my current phone is a Nexus 5, which Google sold at cost.

[dudde_devaru]

Perhaps (like me and others here) their phone is paid for by their employer so they wouldn't personally be saving any money.  I'm eligible for an upgrade and have looked a bit at phones, but haven't seen one that I think I'd like significantly more than the one I still have...

Would that be the case, I'd think it less facepunch worthy. However, I do believe it was a request to upgrade a personal phone.

Yeah, I'm a part of owner of my business, so technically I am still paying for it, but eventually I'll need to get a new phone. I looked at prices of new phones and was shocked cause my current phone is a Nexus 5, which Google sold at cost.

Just today a brand new 32gig Nex6 (Motorola Made absolute beauty) sold for $300 in Fleabay. You may wanna wait for one such and buy off contract...

[Kris]

Friend just posted this article on Facebook with the caption, "I'm doing it right!" http://elitedaily.com/life/savings-20s-something-wrong/1214445/

I kept waiting for the punchline, but it never came.

cai, I have a mission for you -- please post, in direct response to your friend's post, the link to the following rebuttal article:

Nice response to the article:

http://gawker.com/a-young-person-wrote-a-dumbass-article-with-bad-money-a-1731471536?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=thursdayPM

If you choose to accept this mission, please report back on what your friend says!

Yeah, well, almost all of the comments on that article are twenty-somethings saying, "There's no way I can save even one penny, so..."

[dragoncar]

Perhaps (like me and others here) their phone is paid for by their employer so they wouldn't personally be saving any money.  I'm eligible for an upgrade and have looked a bit at phones, but haven't seen one that I think I'd like significantly more than the one I still have...

Would that be the case, I'd think it less facepunch worthy. However, I do believe it was a request to upgrade a personal phone.

Yeah, I'm a part of owner of my business, so technically I am still paying for it, but eventually I'll need to get a new phone. I looked at prices of new phones and was shocked cause my current phone is a Nexus 5, which Google sold at cost.

Yep, another approach is to sell your old unlocked phone and take the new phone.  With iPhones, you often end up coming out even or making money since unlocked phones are worth so much more overseas.

[Mr Dorothy Dollar]

I think I missed something. Why don't people like the 14th floor?

Four and fourteen in some Asian dialects sounds like the word for death.

[zephyr911]

Unfortunately I am trying to stay a closet-Mustachian due not wanting to blow my cover on FB. However, I am trying to redeem myself the tiniest bit by enlightening a commenter on the Gawker article by linking to the Your Debt is an Emergency MMM article.

What are you afraid of?
If you really think this revelation will shock people, then try a slow reveal. Talk about how you've been thinking a lot and trying to save more. Mention rethinking what is a "need" and what is a "want". Talk about changing your future for the better.
Then someday you can be like "oh btw, I'm not gonna work anymore unless I feel like it, because I made choices." :)

[MgoSam]

Someone I know posted about how her and her husband are moving because they can no longer afford their apartment. They are asking if anyone wants to buy any of their stuff because they still need to pay rent for two months. In the past she has frequently posted pictures of her latest photo shot and how great the photographers was, which leads me to believe that she has spent quite a lot of money on getting her pictures taken professionally. I don't know if she works as a model or if it generates any revenue.

Oh, and I noticed quite a lot of people in the past week posting about how great this new coffee place is, or how much they love the pumpkin spiced latte, or whatever that thing is called. I don't recall the last time I spent any money at a coffee place...I met a girl there a few months ago for a quasi-date but didn't order anything because she was waiting outside and had already gotten a drink by the time I got there and so I just sat down to chat with her. We didn't hit it off anyways :-).

[MarciaB]

Friend just posted this article on Facebook with the caption, "I'm doing it right!" http://elitedaily.com/life/savings-20s-something-wrong/1214445/

I kept waiting for the punchline, but it never came.

cai, I have a mission for you -- please post, in direct response to your friend's post, the link to the following rebuttal article:

Nice response to the article:

http://gawker.com/a-young-person-wrote-a-dumbass-article-with-bad-money-a-1731471536?utm_source=recirculation&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=thursdayPM

If you choose to accept this mission, please report back on what your friend says!

Yeah, well, almost all of the comments on that article are twenty-somethings saying, "There's no way I can save even one penny, so..."

I just stumbled over this article and it's definitely one of most dumb-ass things I've read in a long time. It's shocking in its stupidity.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

Searching for roommates on Craigslist is kinda like that. So many "Please help!" postings...it's absurd. No, I'm not going to give you a bedroom in exchange for housework.

Excellent decision. Every single time I've accepted a deal from a tenant that involved bartered labor in lieu of partial rent, or full rent, after the first month they simply stop doing the labor. Every. Single. Time.

It's not even that they don't have money for rent. They generally do, but they're spending it to treat a new romantic partner, or to practice an addiction, or to buy more McStuff. What they want, is to take from you in order to give to the people or activities that are important to them.

The barter tenants I've had in the past have given me attitude and treated me disrespectfully in ways my paying tenants never did. Since money isn't changing hands, in their mind it isn't a business transaction and they don't have to hold up their end of a deal, because they've got some other kind of connection with me that doesn't involve them holding up their half of an agreement or maintaining reasonable boundaries. I think at some level they decide they're "friends" with me instead of parties to a business relationship.

On the whole, people genuinely do not appreciate services they aren't paying for.

The person begging for "help" on Facebook or Craig's List may indeed be in need, but it's because they've already burned through all their friends, co-workers, family members, and other people who were well-meaning but dumb enough to sign up to carry them. Should you choose to accept the assignment they're offering, you'll become the latest in a very long line of do-gooders who have queued up for the privilege of serving them. First they'll slack off and not hold up their end of the deal. Then they'll mooch food, or utilities, or something else. Eventually they may graduate to outright theft or sexual harassment, because they'll decide that you're not their landlord but their buddy, friend, or bedmate wanna-be. Their sense of entitlement will be impossible to reality-check away, because since they've been mooching off others for years their belief in their inherent worth and entitlement will have a solid basis in fact.

[Cookie78]

Searching for roommates on Craigslist is kinda like that. So many "Please help!" postings...it's absurd. No, I'm not going to give you a bedroom in exchange for housework.

Excellent decision. Every single time I've accepted a deal from a tenant that involved bartered labor in lieu of partial rent, or full rent, after the first month they simply stop doing the labor. Every. Single. Time.

It's not even that they don't have money for rent. They generally do, but they're spending it to treat a new romantic partner, or to practice an addiction, or to buy more McStuff. What they want, is to take from you in order to give to the people or activities that are important to them.

The barter tenants I've had in the past have given me attitude and treated me disrespectfully in ways my paying tenants never did. Since money isn't changing hands, in their mind it isn't a business transaction and they don't have to hold up their end of a deal, because they've got some other kind of connection with me that doesn't involve them holding up their half of an agreement or maintaining reasonable boundaries. I think at some level they decide they're "friends" with me instead of parties to a business relationship.

On the whole, people genuinely do not appreciate services they aren't paying for.

The person begging for "help" on Facebook or Craig's List may indeed be in need, but it's because they've already burned through all their friends, co-workers, family members, and other people who were well-meaning but dumb enough to sign up to carry them. Should you choose to accept the assignment they're offering, you'll become the latest in a very long line of do-gooders who have queued up for the privilege of serving them. First they'll slack off and not hold up their end of the deal. Then they'll mooch food, or utilities, or something else. Eventually they may graduate to outright theft or sexual harassment, because they'll decide that you're not their landlord but their buddy, friend, or bedmate wanna-be. Their sense of entitlement will be impossible to reality-check away, because since they've been mooching off others for years their belief in their inherent worth and entitlement will have a solid basis in fact.

Well said.

I met a guy online dating once, who after about 5 dates wanted to move in with me in exchange for work around the house. He didn't take it well at all when I politely declined his 'generous' offer. Bullet dodged! To be fair he did already help me with a few things and he had some clever ideas... but NO. Hell no.

[MgoSam]

The person begging for "help" on Facebook or Craig's List may indeed be in need, but it's because they've already burned through all their friends, co-workers, family members, and other people who were well-meaning but dumb enough to sign up to carry them.

Yup, and most of the people asking for help are people that sincerely believe that everyone that has refused them is an asshole and that they deserve better. They won't recognize your help, but instead will just turn on you the moment you stop kissing their ass.

A good friend of mine is someone that I went well out of my way to help because I felt bad for her and because she is a good friend. Well as soon as I stopped being open to doing whatever, she stopped being nice. I haven't spoken to her in almost a month, and actually feel better. We would talk about life and stuff, but honestly not needing to hear the crap going on in her life has been a significant load off me.

[mustachepungoeshere]

This was overheard in person...

I've mentioned in passing that my in-laws are preparing to downsize, so my husband and I have travelled a couple of hundred kilometres to their town to help pack, declutter and clean.

After a full day of lugging boxes, getting absolutely covered in dust cleaning out cupboards and so on, they announced they would take us out for dinner to say thank you. We were tired and dusty, hadn't packed clothes to go out for dinner, and would have preferred to stay home, but they insisted.

We got there, nice place, they had already been there with friends. Then they told us how 'thrifty' their friends have been. "They took out a $100,000 mortgage to buy their current place, but they lived on nothing and paid it off in five years!"

1. You're telling me this in an expensive restaurant you last visited with these friends. That's not living on nothing.
2. That mortgage pay off? That's what we pay in rent. $100,000 in five years is nothing special.

Then my father-in-law paid for the meal and my mother-in-law chastised him for not using a coupon she had.

We were still in the restaurant, I said staff might be able to refund the charge and process it again with the coupon.

"Oh no, we'll just use it next time we're here."

[LeRainDrop]

2. That mortgage pay off? That's what we pay in rent. $100,000 in five years is nothing special.

I'm with you on the other parts, but I'm gonna have to pick on this one.  Paying $100,000 in rent over five years does not equate to paying off a $100,000 mortgage over five years.  The latter would have a higher price tag due to the significant interest accrued in that time period.  I also think that's a pretty good amount and would have a hard time characterizing that as "nothing special."

ETA:  Maybe I'm a little sensitive here because I'm a single person and just knocked the first $100,000 off my mortgage.  Coincidentally, it took me five years, but I also have been investing simultaneously.

[mustachepungoeshere]

2. That mortgage pay off? That's what we pay in rent. $100,000 in five years is nothing special.

I'm with you on the other parts, but I'm gonna have to pick on this one.  Paying $100,000 in rent over five years does not equate to paying off a $100,000 mortgage over five years.  The latter would have a higher price tag due to the significant interest accrued in that time period.  I also think that's a pretty good amount and would have a hard time characterizing that as "nothing special."

ETA:  Maybe I'm a little sensitive here because I'm a single person and just knocked the first $100,000 off my mortgage.  Coincidentally, it took me five years, but I also have been investing simultaneously.

Sorry, I should have added the loan was through his business so my understanding was it wasn't a typical mortgage. No offence intended. And as a single person that is a huge accomplishment. This is a couple in their early 60s whose children are married and out of home.

[cerebus]

This was overheard in person...

I've mentioned in passing that my in-laws are preparing to downsize, so my husband and I have travelled a couple of hundred kilometres to their town to help pack, declutter and clean.

After a full day of lugging boxes, getting absolutely covered in dust cleaning out cupboards and so on, they announced they would take us out for dinner to say thank you. We were tired and dusty, hadn't packed clothes to go out for dinner, and would have preferred to stay home, but they insisted.

We got there, nice place, they had already been there with friends. Then they told us how 'thrifty' their friends have been. "They took out a $100,000 mortgage to buy their current place, but they lived on nothing and paid it off in five years!"

1. You're telling me this in an expensive restaurant you last visited with these friends. That's not living on nothing.
2. That mortgage pay off? That's what we pay in rent. $100,000 in five years is nothing special.

Then my father-in-law paid for the meal and my mother-in-law chastised him for not using a coupon she had.

We were still in the restaurant, I said staff might be able to refund the charge and process it again with the coupon.

"Oh no, we'll just use it next time we're here."

You're coming off quite judgementally. Chill out.

[MishMash]

Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

[horsepoor]

Bag of beans and a bag of rice?

[Helvegen]

My mother is under contract for a house.

There are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to start. She can't afford to buy a house. She couldn't afford the last one. My grandmother had to pay the property taxes on it several times. Her choices were she either let it go into foreclosure or sell it to current boyfriend. He bought it several years ago. Ever since then, she has been wanting desperately to buy another house because apartment life is not good enough for her basically.

My husband and I did the math and she would just BARELY be able to cover her four walls, car insurance, gas, and food with this purchase. No money for any savings, no money for house or car repairs, no money for even buying a bath towel or underwear at Target. She would be putting everything on credit cards. The new house she is under contract for is huge. A full 1000sqf bigger than what my husband and I would want to purchase. She would have the ability to rent out at least two rooms, but there is no way she would ever lower herself to having roommates no matter how much she would need them to stay afloat.

She can't even keep up with her fish tank and her dog would definitely classify as supermorbidly obese. I mean this is literally the fattest dog I have ever seen. I don't even know how it still can walk. I can't see her actually taking care of her yard as in mowing it and then there is the whole home repair thing. That's a man's job, according to her. Except she won't have a man to do it for her (whole other pending story) and can't afford to pay anybody.

There is also the fact that she will be doubling her commute time, putting far more wear and tear on her car that she can't afford to deal with. It gets terrible gas mileage to boot.

It is just a terrible decision, but you can't reason with her. If you try to do that, it will just convince her that she has to prove you wrong.

[mm1970]

Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

Like horsepoor said - beans and rice.

I make a mean Spanish rice in the rice cooker, and I cook up a pound of beans in the crockpot.  Mix them together and they are pretty good. 

Honestly, the cost would be:
1 lb pinto and flavoring: 1.00
1.5 c dry white rice and flavoring: 0.50

And it makes 10 or 11 cups.
I'd probably add an 8 ounce bag of shredded cheese ($2) and a jar of salsa ($2) because I'm nice.

She could eat for days for less than $6.  If you want to throw in some hot dogs for $2 you could do that too.

[ohana]

Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

I would be reminded of my great fortune and send some food, perhaps anonymously.  For fifty bucks you can make a real difference.  Send things that are easy to make, since it sounds like she's on the edge of being able to care for herself.

Hopefully she'll get it together.

[MgoSam]

Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

I would be reminded of my great fortune and send some food, perhaps anonymously.  For fifty bucks you can make a real difference.  Send things that are easy to make, since it sounds like she's on the edge of being able to care for herself.

Hopefully she'll get it together.

I'm personally not a fan of sending someone money anonymously unless they are someone that's actively working to get their shit together. I was at Baker's Square a few years ago after packing food and one of the people there was handed a $1000 check by her cousin who said that a group of people pooled money anonymously and asked her to write her a check (to maintain anonymously). She had been complaining about lack of money, but is someone who said and I quote, "I don't do cheap." When I mentioned a suggestion for buying something. She proceeds to buy two slices of pie for two friends..when she could have bought the entire pie for likely not much more..or maybe even less. But also, my guess is that she blew through the $1000 pretty quickly.

tldr; if you give someone money that needs it, but isn't showing strides in buying better at their finances, there's a chance that they'll blow through the money and that you've enabled their behavior.

[MishMash]

Said dependa Facebook friend from earlier in this string posted a novella this morning.  The jist of which is she cheated on her Tech Sgt husband, is pissed the husband is divorcing her and going for primary custody of the kids due to her unemployment and "anxiety", and just started a go fund me to pay for hospital bills in case the divorce goes through before she can get her heart surgery completed through Tricare (can I just insert how fucking stupid she is and how she totally doesn't realize she's looking at a six figure bill).  On the positive note, shes sooooo happy to be living with her "true love" now.

Now, she'd been having overly mopey posts the past couple of months, and has been asking for money in "OMG guys I need 200 bucks by Friday if anyone has it" so I thought something was up, but holy fucking SHIT.  Talk about things you SHOULDN'T be posting on the internet.  She also in previous posts thinks if Trump becomes president her unemployed ass will just be given a good job, you know, since she has no degree, and near no experience she TOTALLY deserves it because she's a nice person. 

This latest novella  might have earned the de friend button...I didn't think that level of crazy could exist in one person.

As of today she is now "rehoming" her two schnauzers because her new boyfriends place doesn't allow dogs and her "evil" ex keeps them crated while he is at work since they "like to play when no one is around"  The kicker comes from the statement of "There IS a rehoming fee and it is NOT cheap, I paid 1700 for the female 8 months ago alone".  This coming from the one that has been routinely begging money for over a year.

OK, so dilemma time on this one folks.  This woman yesterday has stated that she hasn't eaten in a couple of days, has been posting how she's craving hot dogs, but doesn't have any to eat or money to buy any, and she just had her heart ablation last week which means she's in recovery and not working, and was recently diagnosed with depression...her kids are also not living with her at the moment but will be visiting this week.  She's asking for food donations.  I could order up some groceries from the local shoprite and have her pick them up (I don't want to do a gift card as she'd probably blow it on convenience food from what I've seen). 

My husband says we shouldn't do it because a lot of her current situation is caused by no one other then herself.  Me, I'm seeing someone that is sick (both mentally and physically) and needs food she asked for some other things like contact lens solution, toys for her kids, and gas money that I'm not willing to hand over.  But the other part of me is saying she did this to herself.  She's never had a full time job, she walked out on the husband after forcing him into buying a house 4 months earlier, she's blown money on tattoos, makeup, clothes etc and has consistently bitched about being broke for years, despite her husband bringing in a pretty dang decent salary.

I feel like it's something that would be the right thing to do, someone is sick and in need, but I am afraid of setting a bad precedence.  I also don't know why her family, who lives 20 minutes away from her, while I live 4 states away, isn't helping her out, which makes me leery.

What would you all do?

I would be reminded of my great fortune and send some food, perhaps anonymously.  For fifty bucks you can make a real difference.  Send things that are easy to make, since it sounds like she's on the edge of being able to care for herself.

Hopefully she'll get it together.

See this is what I was thinking, we've been fortunate, I grew up poor, I know what it's like to not have food, but I couldn't do it anonymously, I don't have her new address to get them delivered, and I would have to tell her a pick up time at the grocery store if I order meats.  I live 4 states away so I can't do a drive by drop off either.  I built out a shopping list on the grocery store website of stuff on sale and I could send over a lot of food for 50 bucks, but she'd have to know how to cook, and I don't know what equipment she has in her apartment either.   I REALLY don't want to send cash or gift cards because based on the number of "does anyone want to donate some alcohol or weed" posts from the past month, I think she'd hock it.

[Pooplips]

In that case I would probably send nothing.

[Cookie78]

In that case I would probably send nothing.

Yup

[PMG]

There are hungry people out there but in my experience the ones who post it on Facebook define "no food in the house" and "haven't eaten" differently than I do. No food may mean "nothing I like or can microwave".

I have friends who are chronically broke and hungry. I suggested the food pantry. That was a very unpopular idea. Embarrassing. But complaining on Facebook isn't?  I dunno. I just decided they weren't as out of options as they made it sound.

[MgoSam]

I have friends who are chronically broke and hungry. I suggested the food pantry. That was a very unpopular idea. Embarrassing. But complaining on Facebook isn't?  I dunno. I just decided they weren't as out of options as they made it sound.

I wouldn't wish needing the "food pantry" for anyone, but I would recommend it to someone that needs it. This is because if they actually need food and it isn't a "pity me, I don't have anything...so give me stuff!" then it is a good sign that they really need help. I don't mind helping out my friends, I just dislike doing so when they aren't willing to help themselves first, or expect it due to a failure to plan.

[solon]

Weird story about food pantries. I'm a grad student, and my school has a food pantry on campus. They really want people to go. Lack of food really hasn't been an issue for us, but they're so insistent that I went to check it out.

They are basically throwing food at me. They let me take as much as I want. They want me to come back twice a week. They gave me a list of a dozen other food pantries around town, all begging for clients (customers, patrons?). And it's all good food. All cans and boxes. No produce, dairy, or meat though.

I'm starting to think that if anybody is starving around here, they only have themselves to blame.

[Papa Mustache]

There are hungry people out there but in my experience the ones who post it on Facebook define "no food in the house" and "haven't eaten" differently than I do. No food may mean "nothing I like or can microwave".

I have friends who are chronically broke and hungry. I suggested the food pantry. That was a very unpopular idea. Embarrassing. But complaining on Facebook isn't?  I dunno. I just decided they weren't as out of options as they made it sound.

Internet access but no grocery budget? ;)

[maco]

And they generally know if it is jewerly or makeup I'm not buying- so I don't buy at EVERY party.

It's just so silly that this is apparently the only way women interact these days.

I guess I just wouldn't buy at any party. Nothing wrong with hanging out and not buying, right?

I keep being invited to "jamberry nail" parties by middle-aged women. I remember my mom used to go to Mary Kay parties.

Women my own age (20s) don't seem to do these things. It's uncommon for me to be in a single-gender gathering, but when I am it's usually for a craft night. Last all-women party I went to was a bachelorette party with ice skating (the bride used to compete) and then Harry Potter with a big bowl of jelly beans.

[maco]

Not a human right, but a cultural norm. I currently live in Eastern Germany and you can't get free tap water (and the tap water is fine to drink). If you ask for it they'll just tell you no and offer bottled water. When you eat out you pay for a beverage, just like the food. OTOH, beer is the same price as the water.

I thought Germany was big on environmentalism O_o

[LeRainDrop]

I keep being invited to "jamberry nail" parties by middle-aged women. I remember my mom used to go to Mary Kay parties. Women my own age (20s) don't seem to do these things.

Interesting.  In my circles, Jamberry seems to be super-popular among ladies in their late 20s to early 30s.  My cousin agreed to host one of their online parties, and I actually got a ton of stuff for free, with minimal effort, because so few people played the games to win prizes.  Otherwise, I hate MLM soooooo much!  I am sick of seeing MLM post-after-post on facebook from a handful of friends -- I used to enjoy their personal updates and family photos, but now it's all sales all the time.  I feel guilty for dodging my friend/next-door-neighbor all the time now, but she's always talking about Rodan + Fields, and I'm sick of it!!!

[Papa Mustache]

What is it about Facebook (Internet) that compels people to share so much? Its one thing to share under a handle name on a forum like we all have here but its another to share some of the stuff that people share on FB under their own mostly-confirmed names.

My wife has seen some very ugly opinions come out over FB by a few people we know over the past decade. And personal info once reserved for drunken parties in college? That's on FB sometimes too.

If I'm having financial problems or or I'm on a rant about the latest 24-cable news story I'll not likely share that via a public outlet like FB.

[MgoSam]

What is it about Facebook (Internet) that compels people to share so much? Its one thing to share under a handle name on a forum like we all have here but its another to share some of the stuff that people share on FB under their own mostly-confirmed names.

Couple of things, one is that many parents that work from home have a lot of idle time to go on FB and share things. They are in turn encouraged by other parents who are in the same boat, and so they like everything and this in turn leads to them posting a lot more.

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

[Papa Mustache]

Yeah - like the realization that most of us have at some point that cars and houses represent debt as much as shiny new play things. ;)

[Kitsunegari]

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

[MgoSam]

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

[HairyUpperLip]

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

[maco]

I keep being invited to "jamberry nail" parties by middle-aged women. I remember my mom used to go to Mary Kay parties. Women my own age (20s) don't seem to do these things.

Interesting.  In my circles, Jamberry seems to be super-popular among ladies in their late 20s to early 30s.  My cousin agreed to host one of their online parties, and I actually got a ton of stuff for free, with minimal effort, because so few people played the games to win prizes.  Otherwise, I hate MLM soooooo much!  I am sick of seeing MLM post-after-post on facebook from a handful of friends -- I used to enjoy their personal updates and family photos, but now it's all sales all the time.  I feel guilty for dodging my friend/next-door-neighbor all the time now, but she's always talking about Rodan + Fields, and I'm sick of it!!!

One of the people who keeps inviting me to Jamberry things was using it to partially fund her high-school-age daughter's foreign exchange trip.

I had to look up MLM.

I don't mind seeing my cousins advertise their wedding photography businesses (good for them) or the scrapbooking classes they sell or whatever. Those are their own self-employment things. The pyramid schemes are just weird, though. (Also weird that anyone who knows me would expect me to be into Jamberry. I am mistaken for Amish at least once a week!)

[Kitsune]

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.

Seriously, though: the people on Facebook who hadn't seen me in a few months found out I was pregnant when the first picture of my kid showed up on facebook (posted by someone else, I was just tagged in it). I edge towards the UNDERsharing.

[Dollar Slice]

Seriously, though: the people on Facebook who hadn't seen me in a few months found out I was pregnant when the first picture of my kid showed up on facebook (posted by someone else, I was just tagged in it). I edge towards the UNDERsharing.

I have a friend who has a kid that I found out about via FB photos, and I still don't know who the mother is because I am too embarrassed to ask :-/  Awkward.

[Kitsunegari]

Seriously, though: the people on Facebook who hadn't seen me in a few months found out I was pregnant when the first picture of my kid showed up on facebook (posted by someone else, I was just tagged in it). I edge towards the UNDERsharing.

I have a friend who has a kid that I found out about via FB photos, and I still don't know who the mother is because I am too embarrassed to ask :-/  Awkward.

LOL!
Still less embarassing than asking who's the father, amirite?

[Dollar Slice]

Yeah, at least in this situation, the dad can be 100% sure who gave birth to the kid, so the answer to the question can never be "I'm not sure." ;-)

[Metta]

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.

I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

[I'm a red panda]

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.

Sure you can. LOTS of people share those photos on facebook/instagram. Tranquil is a very popular photo category.

[MgoSam]

Secondly, it's a way for people to show only what they want to show. So I see a lot of people posting about their photo shots, or their vacation to Croatia, and people can get envious. Then when that same person is struggling to pay their bills and is facing eviction, that information can be conveniently left out. I used to feel envious upon seeing such posts, but then realized that it was only telling half the story.

Indeed! The reason people get envious on Facebook is because we compare our 'behind the scenes' to other people's spotlight.

Grass is always greener. I'm getting better about this. I deliberately made a point of not posting pictures when I bought my house, and in general I'm trying to avoid posting anything exciting I do on FB. I constantly question myself when I post something in that, "Am I posting it to show people how awesome I am? Am I doing it to make people envious? Or am I doing it because I want to share something or encourage other people?" This eliminates most of the crap I would post in the past, and keeps me towards posting productive things like articles that people might not read, and it can usually spur a good conversation (I like people that disagree with me and can rationally tell me why I am wrong).

Yeah, I did the same. I'm not on FB but I did not send texts to friends that I got a house, I didn't post it on Instagram or Snapchat (the social media I use), etc. I really just didn't care to share with everyone.

I think it's lame that everyone runs to the internet and shows off their new purchases. I recently picked up a new to me '94 Honda and I wanted to share it because it's something that truly brings me happiness. But after some less than positive remarks from friends in real life I realized I made the better choice by not sharing my decision with everyone.

Such a shame that I can't share the things that genuinely make me happy via pictures. Or maybe I could... Book, fireplace, cat, cup of tea, and peace and quiet for more than 20 minutes in a row. Bliiiiiiss.

I think you can, though. I took a picture of my yoga mat in a park by a little pond and labeled it "My new favorite yoga studio" and people loved it.

You absolutely can, but what I stopped posting were extravagant things. Like I went to Colorado last year and realized later on that half the things I was posting was mostly a way of saying, "Hey, you're stuck at the office while I just climbed a mountain!" which isn't really a nice thing to do. I think it's great to post about reading outside or doing yoga. My goal is always ask myself, "Why am I posting this? Does posting it help me or other people?"