Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.

[SailorGirl]

A friend's mom passed away recently and I just got this story from her.

Friend had lived with her mom for about 25 years, mostly supporting Mom in exchange for help raising friend's daughter and general household stuff.  Mom got a small SS check that she contributed towards the household but otherwise had no money.  Mom's health had been declining over the last few years but she was diagnosed in December with pancreatic cancer.  Bro and sis hadn't spent any time (or money) taking care of Mom for the last ten years and friend didn't expect any help from them now. 

Friend spent whatever small amount of savings she had buying stuff for her mom that wasn't covered by medicare like a recliner to sleep in the living room because mom couldn't do stairs anymore and couldn't breathe while lying flat.  As Mom got sicker friend took a leave from work to take care of her (couldn't afford a caregiver).  Her daughter also came over every night and weekend to help. 

When it became clear that Mom had hours left to live, bro and sis show up.  Bro was actually helpful but sis - who owns four houses, each professionally decorated and landscaped and has a high-powered job - went through friend's house taking things she thought should be hers.  Sis was actually screaming at friend about stuff she couldn't find while mom lay in the living room in the hospital bed (from hospice) gasping for air.

I don't even understand how someone could do that...

So, one sister was stealing items from the other sister's home? Sorry, but if my sister did that, she'd quickly find herself arrested.

I suggested that.  She's more of the mindset that letting it all go would be a) what her mom would have wanted, and b) the quickest way to recover her own piece of mind.  Unlikely that she'll be speaking to her sister any time soon.

[Kitsune]

A friend's mom passed away recently and I just got this story from her.

Friend had lived with her mom for about 25 years, mostly supporting Mom in exchange for help raising friend's daughter and general household stuff.  Mom got a small SS check that she contributed towards the household but otherwise had no money.  Mom's health had been declining over the last few years but she was diagnosed in December with pancreatic cancer.  Bro and sis hadn't spent any time (or money) taking care of Mom for the last ten years and friend didn't expect any help from them now. 

Friend spent whatever small amount of savings she had buying stuff for her mom that wasn't covered by medicare like a recliner to sleep in the living room because mom couldn't do stairs anymore and couldn't breathe while lying flat.  As Mom got sicker friend took a leave from work to take care of her (couldn't afford a caregiver).  Her daughter also came over every night and weekend to help. 

When it became clear that Mom had hours left to live, bro and sis show up.  Bro was actually helpful but sis - who owns four houses, each professionally decorated and landscaped and has a high-powered job - went through friend's house taking things she thought should be hers.  Sis was actually screaming at friend about stuff she couldn't find while mom lay in the living room in the hospital bed (from hospice) gasping for air.

I don't even understand how someone could do that...

So, one sister was stealing items from the other sister's home? Sorry, but if my sister did that, she'd quickly find herself arrested.

I suggested that.  She's more of the mindset that letting it all go would be a) what her mom would have wanted, and b) the quickest way to recover her own piece of mind.  Unlikely that she'll be speaking to her sister any time soon.

I think that's a very personal choice/mindset.

What everyone always wants is peace of mind to get on with their lives.

For some, that's best achieved through brushing it off, forgiving, and moving on with that person removed from their lives.

For others (like me)... cross the line and we're talking burn-the-bridge, salt-the-earth level policies. And once we're done, I will sleep soundly... but the forgive and forget method just leaves me feeling like that person is gonna come back and get worst until handled appropriately.

Probably a difference in formative years... :)

[Taran Wanderer]

For some, that's best achieved through brushing it off, forgiving, and moving on with that person removed from their lives.

For others (like me)... cross the line and we're talking burn-the-bridge, salt-the-earth level policies. And once we're done, I will sleep soundly... but the forgive and forget method just leaves me feeling like that person is gonna come back and get worst until handled appropriately.

Probably a difference in formative years... :)

I like how you know yourself and can speculate on the cause with humor. It's all a bit vindictive, but the the humor makes it more entertaining.

[auntie_betty]

MIL now 92, in early stages of dementia and BIL looking after her at home - and doing a good job of it. Her will (I've seen it) leaves house to BIL and money to OH.

That could put BIL on the short end of the stick, actually.

Caregiving for an adult with dementia is a brutal full-time job and it can drag on for years. Hopefully he is being compensated for it in a timely fashion instead of having to wait, so that he can take care of his own living and medical expenses. From what you've said he isn't the most financially responsible person, but the fact he's doing in-home caregiving means there's an enormous opportunity cost to him.

He's living rent and board free with her and gets a carers allowance, plus it's UK so no medical costs. I need to look into the pension situation - I think he'll get national insurance contributions credited as he's a carer. He's never had any other pension arrangements and till he moved in with her was poncing off us living rent free in a house we own. With occasional comments from MIL that we should be paying his council tax as well................

I couldn't do it but it's something he wanted to do.

[The Happy Philosopher]

This thread is amazing...

I propose a weekend retreat with lot's of booze, I want to hear more of these stories!

;)

[Seppia]

It's incredible how awful people can be.
The worst part is when they say "it's mine, I deserve it"
Shut up, you just won the lottery, at least don't act like you had the moral right to.
Personally the only thing I hope is that I  inherit whatever it will be as late as possible.

[Tabaxus]

It's incredible how awful people can be.
The worst part is when they say "it's mine, I deserve it"
Shut up, you just won the lottery, at least don't act like you had the moral right to.
Personally the only thing I hope is that I  inherit whatever it will be as late as possible.

Amen to that.

[Shinplaster]

I met someone at a party years ago whose mother was terminally ill.  I offered my condolences, but all she could talk about was what she was going to get when her mother died.   After about 10 minutes of listing all the treasures she would gain, she asked if I was going to inherit big too.  I just said I'd rather have my Mom, thanks, and walked away.   My Mom is 87, and still going strong.  I hope she's around for years to come.   My Dad died 15 years ago, and I miss him every day.

Vultures!  Hate them with a passion.

[Seppia]

Great display of self restraint on your part.
I would have hardly resisted insulting her

[kanga1622]

The only "inheritance" drama that we had resulting from my Dad's passing was his fiance getting ticked off and taking a bunch of things. She came over to the house prior to the wake and started taking random things as though we planned to steal them from her (teddy bears, a Christmas ornament, Dad's leather jacket, etc.). The Christmas ornament had some sentimental value to a few of us but replacements were easily bought.

They had only been together a short time and engaged for a few months. We included her as much as possible in planning the funeral, receiving lines, etc. She was MAD that we cancelled the contract on the house Dad was buying for them to move into after the wedding (planned for a year later). Based on some of the things she said to us, it was almost like she was delusional and thought the wedding was still somehow going to take place and they "would have already been married if the Church hadn't made it so difficult." She totally burned her bridges with all of us (and we had barely spent time with her prior to the funeral as we all live a fair distance away) when she was OVER the top with theatrics at the wake and then arguing with us at the funeral meal that her kids DESERVED to take home the leftovers. We gave in on most of her demands that involved "things" and were very glad we dodged the bullet of having her as a step-mom.

When we were prepping for the estate sale (our mom passed 12 years earlier) we had to argue over who was MADE to take some items. :) Things that held sentimental value but none of us saw a real pressing need to have. It was some good natured bickering and everything worked out well. Somehow I became keeper of the photos even though I'm hardly in any of them! I truly appreciate that although we may have had little disagreements during the wrap up phase, we were all committed to the end result of us still being a family and not letting any money/item get in the way of that. We'd seen how it destroyed our Dad's family when siblings did things behind the backs of others.

[Spork]

When we were prepping for the estate sale (our mom passed 12 years earlier) we had to argue over who was MADE to take some items. :) Things that held sentimental value but none of us saw a real pressing need to have. It was some good natured bickering and everything worked out well. Somehow I became keeper of the photos even though I'm hardly in any of them! I truly appreciate that although we may have had little disagreements during the wrap up phase, we were all committed to the end result of us still being a family and not letting any money/item get in the way of that. We'd seen how it destroyed our Dad's family when siblings did things behind the backs of others.

I see this happening in my future.  We're working towards an estate sale and there are quite a few sentimental items that no one really *wants* ... but no one wants to sell.

[eyerishgold]

I actually just found out about this yesterday.

My parents divorced when I was fairly young and my mom got to keep the house where she lived along with me and my siblings. My dad had a really strong attachment to that house for whatever reason. My mom has always been terrible with money and got herself into a bunch of debt and was behind on the mortgage and in danger of losing the house. My dad stepped in and bought the house from her for a fair price which allowed her to get completely out of debt. My dad died a number of years ago and a few years after buying the house from my mom. My 2 siblings lived in the house for a year or so until we figured out what to do with it. The price of the house had risen quite a bit between the time my dad bought if from my mom and the time my siblings and I sold it. We didn't quite sell at the peak of the market but close enough. We split around $70,000 between the 3 of us. I never spoke with my siblings about what they did with their portion of that money because it wasn't any of my business.

So, my wife has dinner with both siblings spouses yesterday and somehow money and that house comes up. I found out that my mom guilted both of my brothers into handing over a decent sized chunk of their portion from the sale of the house. I was never close with her and I had previously politely declined to co-sign a mortgage with her and her new husband so I think she knew better than to ask me for anything. I think even less of her than I did before. She had already been paid a fair price for that house and she asked for more just because we sold it for more than she did. Since this is such recent information, I'm still digesting it but it isn't sitting right at all. Both siblings have families and I'm sure there were better uses for it than giving it to her. I'm really sick about it.

[merula]

Both siblings have families and I'm sure there were better uses for it than giving it to her. I'm really sick about it.

I know it doesn't feel good, but your siblings made the decision that their relationship with Mom was worth that money. That was their decision to make.

You could offer some of your inheritance to them because you feel bad about it, but I don't think second-guessing their decision is going to help matters.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

Both siblings have families and I'm sure there were better uses for it than giving it to her. I'm really sick about it.

I know it doesn't feel good, but your siblings made the decision that their relationship with Mom was worth that money. That was their decision to make.

You could offer some of your inheritance to them because you feel bad about it, but I don't think second-guessing their decision is going to help matters.

^^^^ This. One of the worst things people do is find ways to make other people's problems into their own problems. Second-guessing the decision of another adult is a popular first step.

[Sibley]

When I was in high school, me, dad, and a bunch of extended family all went to my grandparent's house to move them out of it and into senior housing. This was badly needed for them. There was some family taking things home that they wanted. I'm not privy to everything, but there is some bad feelings over this.

At the time, absolutely no one in that family cared about genealogy. So all the old papers, pictures, etc I thought were at risk of being tossed out. My mom does genealogy as a hobby, so I'd grown up with you keep this sort of thing, even though it's not my hobby. So I took every photo album, boxes of pictures, boxes of slides, boxes of old 16mm film, and the slide projector and film projector. There was a TON of it. At the time, I kinda made an announcement at dinner, we were all sitting and eating, and I just told them that I was collecting all that sort of thing and would keep it together and safe. Ok.

Every couple years, someone asks about it, and once again I tell them I grabbed it. Last night, my aunt posts a picture from a few years ago that's the 3 kids, and as a joke I posted one of them and their grandparents from when they were kids. She'd never seen the picture. So I posted another one, taken a year or two later. My aunt facebook im'ed me, asking where I got them. So I told her, I'd scanned some of the pictures in. Honestly, I'd done more cleaning up and sorting of the physical pictures than actual scanning. I sent her all the pictures I have, about 60mg worth.

This family... sheesh. She'll forget again in a month or two, and ask again in a few years.

However, due to the other wackiness in the family - I'm not giving up these items. Sheer spite. I'll send copies, but I'm keeping the originals. No if, ands, or buts. I don't care how much I piss people off - they've earned it. Maybe they should treat my family like a member of the wider family if they don't like it.

Oh, and grandparents died while I was in college. They never knew or cared where the pictures went as far as I know.

[pdxbator]

They never knew or cared where the pictures went as far as I know.

You might be describing me. I'm just not very sentimental when it comes to historical stuff that is family related. My parents have a TON of stuff that is saved that they can't seem to part with. Even though they have no idea who are in the pictures, they still can't bear to part with it.

On the other hand I like things spare and clean. I can't stand having gobs of stuff sitting around.

[Sibley]

They never knew or cared where the pictures went as far as I know.

You might be describing me. I'm just not very sentimental when it comes to historical stuff that is family related. My parents have a TON of stuff that is saved that they can't seem to part with. Even though they have no idea who are in the pictures, they still can't bear to part with it.

On the other hand I like things spare and clean. I can't stand having gobs of stuff sitting around.

Yeah, but do you then act all surprised more than 10 years later that someone has photos you don't have and ask for copies? Plus, this isn't a one off. The whole family is like this, and this is actually the good parts. I don't spend a lot of time with this family.

[AlanStache]

When I was in high school, me, dad, and a bunch of extended family all went to my grandparent's house to move them out of it and into senior housing. This was badly needed for them. There was some family taking things home that they wanted. I'm not privy to everything, but there is some bad feelings over this.

At the time, absolutely no one in that family cared about genealogy. So all the old papers, pictures, etc I thought were at risk of being tossed out. My mom does genealogy as a hobby, so I'd grown up with you keep this sort of thing, even though it's not my hobby. So I took every photo album, boxes of pictures, boxes of slides, boxes of old 16mm film, and the slide projector and film projector. There was a TON of it. At the time, I kinda made an announcement at dinner, we were all sitting and eating, and I just told them that I was collecting all that sort of thing and would keep it together and safe. Ok.

Every couple years, someone asks about it, and once again I tell them I grabbed it. Last night, my aunt posts a picture from a few years ago that's the 3 kids, and as a joke I posted one of them and their grandparents from when they were kids. She'd never seen the picture. So I posted another one, taken a year or two later. My aunt facebook im'ed me, asking where I got them. So I told her, I'd scanned some of the pictures in. Honestly, I'd done more cleaning up and sorting of the physical pictures than actual scanning. I sent her all the pictures I have, about 60mg worth.

This family... sheesh. She'll forget again in a month or two, and ask again in a few years.

However, due to the other wackiness in the family - I'm not giving up these items. Sheer spite. I'll send copies, but I'm keeping the originals. No if, ands, or buts. I don't care how much I piss people off - they've earned it. Maybe they should treat my family like a member of the wider family if they don't like it.

Oh, and grandparents died while I was in college. They never knew or cared where the pictures went as far as I know.

I scanned every physical picture I had years ago, hardest part was deciding to do it.  A computer/scanner/netflix & alcohol are really all you need; insert picture, press button, watch movie for 45sec, remove picture, repeat.  So glad I have backups in more than one place now.  Once digitized you can send a mass email with a dropbox link. 

[notquitefrugal]

I was about to suggest something similar. Scan all the photos / slides, retouch if you want, and burn them to a DVD to share with family members. I can really get into the idea of doing the scanning while drinking. XD

[Sibley]

Well, the last time the pictures were in the same location as me was 10 years ago. They're all at my parents house. Even if I grabbed them, I don't have a scanner currently. I'll get back to it eventually. If nothing else, do plan to get them once I buy a house.

[meghan88]

My grandma used to go to garage sales in the 1940's and 50's and bought a lot of stuff.  She had a small Victorian-era house that was crammed full of her finds.  She had 3 sons and 5 grandkids in all.  She used to proclaim that her stuff was worth a fortune - china, crystal, paintings etc. 

Depending who was in her good books, she'd promise various things at various times to the offspring.  She'd changed her mind several times over the years as to who got what.

As a result, the offspring fought over it bitterly when she died.  My father had a row with my sister because he was insanely jealous that she got the silverware from Harrod's.

Upon inspection and appraisal, all of her stuff was found out to be not what it seemed.  Her large "oil" paintings turned out to be gesso reproductions, and a set of silver from Harrod's  turned out to be silver plate.  The figurines and lamps all had cracks and chips on closer inspection.  Even the "good" stuff, bone china service for 12 in Minton and service for 8 in Aynsely, is hardly worth anything these days just because it's fallen out of favour.  I have the Aynsely and all I do is pack it up and stress over it, for no reason, each time we move house.

Ahhhh ... family.

[Inaya]

Not precisely inheritance drama, but there is an estate sale involved.

When my grandma passed, my mom and uncle held an estate sale. Everything that looked remotely like somebody might want to buy it spilled out of the house into the front lawn.

My uncle was speaking with a customer discussing the price of a fairly nice looking pottery jar. As he's collecting the cash, my mom walks out of the house. Her eyes bulge and she screams, "You can't sell that!"

"Why not?"

"THAT'S MOM!!!"

Sadly, my uncle passed last year. But there were jovial discussions of selling his ashes at his own estate sale.

[iris lily]

Not precisely inheritance drama, but there is an estate sale involved.

When my grandma passed, my mom and uncle held an estate sale. Everything that looked remotely like somebody might want to buy it spilled out of the house into the front lawn.

My uncle was speaking with a customer discussing the price of a fairly nice looking pottery jar. As he's collecting the cash, my mom walks out of the house. Her eyes bulge and she screams, "You can't sell that!"

"Why not?"

"THAT'S MOM!!!"

Sadly, my uncle passed last year. But there were jovial discussions of selling his ashes at his own estate sale.

Best story!

[Megma]

Not precisely inheritance drama, but there is an estate sale involved.

When my grandma passed, my mom and uncle held an estate sale. Everything that looked remotely like somebody might want to buy it spilled out of the house into the front lawn.

My uncle was speaking with a customer discussing the price of a fairly nice looking pottery jar. As he's collecting the cash, my mom walks out of the house. Her eyes bulge and she screams, "You can't sell that!"

"Why not?"

"THAT'S MOM!!!"

Sadly, my uncle passed last year. But there were jovial discussions of selling his ashes at his own estate sale.

That is hilarious. And about the level of communication in my family.

[cautiouspessimist]

That wins the thread. :D

[HairyUpperLip]

hahaha - I hope he got a good price for it at least.

[Inaya]

Don't leave us hanging - did they go through with the sale?

As far as I know, grandma is still with our family.

[kiwidollabill]

I think we've heard a bit of this kinda plot in the thread..

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=11622453

[Dicey]

Here is a funny story that is not exactly inheritance related.

My grandma died, and we were all helping my Grandpa clean out her stuff.  She was a huge clotheshorse.  She had certain jeans she loved, so she had 20 identical pairs.  She had 10 nearly identical black purses.  Etc.  Because, you know, Kohls was having a sale.  But she grew up SUPER poor, so we all understood why she was like that. 

My mom is going through the clothes, filling up like 20 bags with goodwill stuff, and she checks a pocket for some reason, and discovers 100$.  And then later she finds another few hundred.  And so at this point, we unpack all the bags and check all the pockets in clothes and purses in case there is more.

We found over 10,000$.

My grandpa had no clue any of it existed.  From what we could figure out, whenever she had a little extra cash, either from the budget or from selling Mary Kay, or from a holiday, she would stash it.  I am sure it started when she was a young, poor housewife, from a dysfunctional family who would not have helped her if she needed it, and this was her emergency stash.  But by the time she died, she and my grandpa were worth millions thanks to judicious saving and living frugally. 

We used the money to hold a kick ass memorial reception, which she would have loved.

I love how you used the money!

We had a similar situation...

After my grandma had stroke, all of her jewelry suddenly went missing including her wedding ring. She had lots of nice jewelry too. We had no idea if it was taken or she'd hidden it or what but lots of nurses and therapists had been in the house as she was getting in home care, plus grandpa had done some renovations, so lots of strangers around. And grandma couldn't really talk after her stroke...

Afte months of having no idea what happened to all of her jewelry, one day grandpa pulled a blanket out of the bedroom closet and all of her jewelry came flying out from the folds of the blanket. Grandma was apparently nervous someone would try to steal it. Oh grandma. 😀

LOL!  Both of these are great stories.  They make me so happy!

After my FIL died, we realized DH's mom had what turned out to be Alzheimer's. They had two homes, so we cleaned out their weekend home first.  I noticed a nightstand had some grossness dribbled down one side, so I moved it to clean it up. Found a pouch full of cash underneath. Later, found more cash in the linen closet. On day two of the Estate Sale, I moved a lamp and found a couple hundred more underneath. God knows how much we missed, but what we found came to about $11 grand, plus we made about $2.5k more on the estate sale. They were huge garage salers, so we probably got back as much as they spent to furnish the house.

True story: they used to take the train to this house. They'd walk to the grocery store across from the train station and then walk the mile or so to the house. People were always offering to buy them groceries. Yes, there was a car in the garage of their nice 1800 sf weekend house, and clearly plenty of mobey, but they looked poor, so people made assumptions. My MIL is still alive, and her estate is worth about 2.5 million. Crazy.

[Nederstash]

After my FIL died, we realized DH's mom had what turned out to be Alzheimer's. They had two homes, so we cleaned out their weekend home first.  I noticed a nightstand had some grossness dribbled down one side, so I moved it to clean it up. Found a pouch full of cash underneath. Later, found more cash in the linen closet. On day two of the Estate Sale, I moved a lamp and found a couple hundred more underneath. God knows how much we missed, but what we found came to about $11 grand, plus we made about $2.5k more on the estate sale. They were huge garage salers, so we probably got back as much as they spent to furnish the house.

True story: they used to take the train to this house. They'd walk to the grocery store across from the train station and then walk the mile or so to the house. People were always offering to buy them groceries. Yes, there was a car in the garage of their nice 1800 sf weekend house, and clearly plenty of mobey, but they looked poor, so people made assumptions. My MIL is still alive, and her estate is worth about 2.5 million. Crazy.

Ha! I aspire to be that kind of old lady. I would probably hide three lockboxes with money over the house and label them 1, 2 and 4. Then laugh my spectral ass off when I haunt the house and see people going nuts to find box #3.

[talltexan]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

[Pooperman]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

How about something in the middle? Child A gets 37%, Child B gets 37%, and the grandkids each get their share of 24% (3% each). Then when Child A dies, grandkid gets 37% (40% total) while when child B dies, each kid ends up with just under 9%, or 60% total.

[onlykelsey]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

I think states follow two main schools of thought if someone dies intestate (with no will) and a spouse is not inheriting/has predeceased.
1. Divide the money at the first generation (each sibling gets 1/2, they can pass their 1/2 on to kids, giving grandkid of A 1/2 the estate and grandkids of B 1/14 each, or not).
2. Focus on ultimate number of lineal descendants (here, 8) and divide accordingly.

Why would the family be focusing on grand kids and not just giving to the two children?

[Paul der Krake]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

I think states follow two main schools of thought if someone dies intestate (with no will) and a spouse is not inheriting/has predeceased.
1. Divide the money at the first generation (each sibling gets 1/2, they can pass their 1/2 on to kids, giving grandkid of A 1/2 the estate and grandkids of B 1/14 each, or not).
2. Focus on ultimate number of lineal descendants (here, 8) and divide accordingly.

Why would the family be focusing on grand kids and not just giving to the two children?

Typically, children are well into middle age or nearing retirement themselves, and "need" it less than grandchildren (obviously this varies greatly by families). Receiving, say, $50,000 at 55 vs 25 is completely different. That's why many choose to partially or entirely skip a generation.

[AmandaS1989]

True. When my grandma died, my mom didn't need or want the land she inherited so she passed her share to my brother and me. Sometimes it just makes more sense to skip a generation.

[geekette]

No clue if there will be drama, but my DH got a letter yesterday that he's an heir.  His grandmother's sister (and her husband) had a son who was mentally disabled (very sweet, but none too bright), so when they died, all their money and property went into a trust. That trust has been humming along for decades, but the son recently died in his 80's.

With the number of siblings his great aunt had, perhaps my DH will end up with about 1% - whee!

I figure with the property and land sales, this'll take at least 2 years to settle out...  I do wonder if any of the money was in the market, or just the very grateful local small town bank.

[slugline]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

[Ann]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Agreed.  Obviously the inheritance can be weighed based on the relationship or on need -- whatever the grandparents want -- but this way would seem to be the most fair if all other factors excluded.  Child A's kid got 100% of the parental attention and resources growing up.  It's not unfair to have the share equally (for once) with other kids.

[Fishingmn]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Totally disagree. 50% to each child. If one child is dead then their children split the child's 50%.
Agreed.  Obviously the inheritance can be weighed based on the relationship or on need -- whatever the grandparents want -- but this way would seem to be the most fair if all other factors excluded.  Child A's kid got 100% of the parental attention and resources growing up.  It's not unfair to have the share equally (for once) with other kids.

[Paul der Krake]

I would split evenly between the generations: the children split 50% of the estate evenly, and the third generation splits the other 50% evenly too. It's a good compromise.

[LPeters]

Easy. Cut the baby in half by wishing everyone well and then signing every penny over to a charity/charities.

[merula]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

I think the default is that it's split evenly with each successive generation. You could do it otherwise, but I think that'd be more about need. (The child of A is presumably her parents' sole heir, so if A and spouse are doing good, maybe evenly among all 8 makes sense, because A will be getting another inheritance.)

When my great-grandpa died, the inheritance was divided as follows because one child and one grandchild had predeceased him:

One-third to each child (two living, one deceased)
Deceased child's share divided among 4 grandchildren (three living, one deceased)
Deceased grandchild's 1/12 share divided between two great-grandchildren

[sol]

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Sounds exactly wrong to me.  Why should one kid's family be impoverished just because their sibling decided to pop out more kids?

If I had asymmetric grandchildren, I might give them each a little token (like $5k for their college funds) but the bulk of my estate would be split evenly between my kids.  Except in my particular case I also have step-kids, which complicates things even further because they may also inherit from their biological father.

[mm1970]

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Sounds exactly wrong to me.  Why should one kid's family be impoverished just because their sibling decided to pop out more kids?

If I had asymmetric grandchildren, I might give them each a little token (like $5k for their college funds) but the bulk of my estate would be split evenly between my kids.  Except in my particular case I also have step-kids, which complicates things even further because they may also inherit from their biological father.

Yeah, I guess I don't see a reason to leave anything to grandchildren either, unless you really don't like or trust your children.  At least, my grandfather's estate gets divided among the children.

Oddly though.  Because boys are more important, they got his share of the "business" (which is gone now, but the sale of it netted about $500k).  So that's divided 3 ways, except one son was part of the biz, so he got his already.  What is left goes to the other 2.

The girls (4 of them) get proceeds from the house ($100k divided by 4).  Now, as my mother is dead, and my aunt is dead, that means that I will inherit 1/3 of my mother's 1/4.  My cousins (3 boys) will each inherit 1/3 of their mother's 1/4.

Now, if you are talking millions and billions and it's the way your family "does things" to pass on to grandkids, knock yourself out.  My parents started small college funds for their grandkids when they were alive.  I think my stepdad has changed his will to give a little bit of cash ($2k?) to each grandkid and great grandkid when he dies, but the rest goes to the 3 stepchildren.

[plainjane]

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Sounds exactly wrong to me.  Why should one kid's family be impoverished just because their sibling decided to pop out more kids?

We're struggling with this (which is why we still don't have a will). We have no kids, and our siblings are well set up in life, so our thought was to give it to the nieces & nephews if we both die at the same time.  However, there are more kids on one side than the other.  Plus, the siblings on one side have a different number of children.

Right now, the thought is half to each side, and then evenly split among that generation.  So it will be (assuming no more kids) - 25% for the kids on one side, and 6.25% for the ones on the other.

Fair?  Maybe not, but nothing else is either.

[slugline]

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Sounds exactly wrong to me.  Why should one kid's family be impoverished just because their sibling decided to pop out more kids?

If I had asymmetric grandchildren, I might give them each a little token (like $5k for their college funds) but the bulk of my estate would be split evenly between my kids.  Except in my particular case I also have step-kids, which complicates things even further because they may also inherit from their biological father.

My response was accepting the assumption of "skipping" the inheritance directly to the grandkids. But actually, if that could be discarded I would be in favor of your solution of dividing things equally among the children. That seems even more sensible to me.

[mtn]

Basically 2 ways to split that up, IMHO

A): 50/50 among the kids
B): Evenly into separate funds for the grandkids
Bi): Evenly to each grandkid, but 5% of total goes to each of kids (so grandkids split 90%). Change those percentage to fit the bill.

My great aunt would be a decent example of this. She never married and had 9 siblings, around 45 nieces/nephews, and beyond that it is probably in the 100's of [great[great]] grand nieces/nephews. My mother and my siblings and I cared for her more than any other family member. Our family is probably among the more well off of her relatives. Do we get more because we put in all the work? Do we get less because we need it more?

What she did was very fair. Everything was split evenly among those 9 siblings. If they had passed, it was split evenly among their kids. Makes it simple.

[AlanStache]

A family friend had two children. One child had one kid, the other had seven. What is the fair way to divide up an estate among this brood? Equal shares for all of the grandkids hardly seems right, Child A's descendants would only get 1/8 of the total.

An equal share to each grandchild sounds exactly right to me. Otherwise it can look like an heir is being penalized for being born to the wrong parents.

Agreed.  Obviously the inheritance can be weighed based on the relationship or on need -- whatever the grandparents want -- but this way would seem to be the most fair if all other factors excluded.  Child A's kid got 100% of the parental attention and resources growing up.  It's not unfair to have the share equally (for once) with other kids.

Careful, having few or no siblings cuts both ways especially when the parents start getting older.  When the parents need help there is no dividing the costs (time and monetary) up among many siblings.  Just because they were an only child does not guarantee they got more resources growing up.

Not sure there can be a good universal rule here, in each family you need to look at the specifics and make judgement calls on what is best and what can be done with what is available. 

[BlueHouse]

Yeah, but do you then act all surprised more than 10 years later that someone has photos you don't have and ask for copies?

Yep, but that's part of the fun, I think.  I'm like you, I keep the stuff, organize it, keep it safe.  Then every few years, I surprise the hell out of someone by pulling out an old photo and emailing it, just for the hell of it.  It's great fun.

[chesebert]

Just look up the uniform trust and estate statues.  A lot of very smart people have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what is equitable when it comes to distribution of assets in the event someone dies without a will (i.e, intestacy) . I think the split is generally fair and should be used as the baseline and you can modify to fit your specific situation.