Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.

[Finallyunderstand]

My BF is an engineer for Hyundai/Kia.  They take quality seriously.

The fact that I, as a lifelong Toyota/Honda driver, would seriously consider a Hyundai for my next car, speaks volumes about the progress they've made in terms of quality.

+1 - I wouldn't hesitate to buy a Hyundai either.

Hyundai i30 owner since 2015 here, 7 years old now. Great car for its pricetag and no major faults so far other than the ebrake sticking because it was parked too long for too often ;)

At first I was like "hey, that math doesn't add up."  But then the mustachian side of my brain kicked in and realized you bought it used :P

Lol, me too!

same

[A Fella from Stella]

A guy I know got a car from his father. When the father died, he offered the Blue Book on the remaining vehicle so his mother could have the cash. She opted to give it to her daughter.

Other sibling freaks out about how brother and sister are getting early inheritance, and that he wants it calculated into the final numbers when mom dies.

He was telling this to his living mother - that he was counting her money so she didn't cheat him more than she already had.

[A Fella from Stella]

Not drama, but something new on my end. Was at my mother's and she was saying how my brother and I are so sentimental, but that my sister is not. She said it like 'isn't that funny?' because we're boys.

This came up because I was talking about the rocking chair I was sitting in, and how much I've always liked it - it's about 45 years old.

What I didn't say back to mom is "not only is she unsentimental, but also extremely blessed by having both sets of wedding bands, and other diamond jewelry." I know this because a daughter of mine is of age to marry, and I wanted to see if I could buy or have a set. Through a very long lunch, I found out that it was not available, but also not to be discussed.

[bluebelle]

Not drama, but something new on my end. Was at my mother's and she was saying how my brother and I are so sentimental, but that my sister is not. She said it like 'isn't that funny?' because we're boys.

This came up because I was talking about the rocking chair I was sitting in, and how much I've always liked it - it's about 45 years old.

What I didn't say back to mom is "not only is she unsentimental, but also extremely blessed by having both sets of wedding bands, and other diamond jewelry." I know this because a daughter of mine is of age to marry, and I wanted to see if I could buy or have a set. Through a very long lunch, I found out that it was not available, but also not to be discussed.

that's sad that your mother thinks men can't be sentimental.  I think my brother is more sentimental about things than I am.  He got all of Dad's tools and jewelry, I'm to get mom's rings, but if really wanted them, I'd give them to him.....I'm very sentimental about memories, but not so much about the things the memories are attached to.   I have more of my mother's "stuff" than I want, but only because it was important to her to give it too me.   If my brother expressed an interest,  I think I'd gladly give things to him.   Just like I think he'd give me some of the stuff that was dad's within reason (he wears dad's ring daily, I'd never ask for that)

But I know I'm fortunate that we won't have drama.   The stories I hear on this thread sadden me about the greed of some folk's relatives.

[K-ice]

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/victory-for-b-c-sisters-whose-parents-willed-them-tiny-share-of-9m-estate-1.5218792

Interesting case. 4 sisters get a more equitable distribution of their parents will. Apparently BC is unusual to even allow " ... judges wide leeway to make drastic changes to a will to make sure there's a "just and equitable" distribution to someone's surviving spouse and children."

[TVRodriguez]

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/victory-for-b-c-sisters-whose-parents-willed-them-tiny-share-of-9m-estate-1.5218792

Interesting case. 4 sisters get a more equitable distribution of their parents will. Apparently BC is unusual to even allow " ... judges wide leeway to make drastic changes to a will to make sure there's a "just and equitable" distribution to someone's surviving spouse and children."

Hmm, not sure how I feel about that.  I'm a strong believer in the testator's right to decide how much to leave to whom.  For the state to step in...I don't know.  What if the parents had left it all to charity?  They could have done that.  Don't get me wrong--I don't like how the parents handled anything (including child-raising as well as estate planning), but no one forced the daughters to stick around for that abuse once they were adults.  I don't like the precedent it sets.

[partgypsy]

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/victory-for-b-c-sisters-whose-parents-willed-them-tiny-share-of-9m-estate-1.5218792

Interesting case. 4 sisters get a more equitable distribution of their parents will. Apparently BC is unusual to even allow " ... judges wide leeway to make drastic changes to a will to make sure there's a "just and equitable" distribution to someone's surviving spouse and children."

I think that is very interesting. Not to the same degree but I had a similar upbringing. Sometimes "tradition" is messed up. If it bothers you that the inheritance was changed by a judge, reframe it as the judge rectifying years and decades of unpaid or underpaid family labor on the part of the daughters.

[Fi(re) on the Farm]

We have a mentally handicapped daughter (Down syndrome) who can't provide for herself thru no fault of her own.  We also have a son who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself and his family.

We made it very clear ages ago that our priority #1 was to make sure our daughter would be well provided for.   He's a good son and brother and that makes perfect sense to him.

It's really only been the last 5 years that we realized that there is a good chance there will be enough for her and a very sizeable portion left over for him.  We're in the process of setting up our wills.   She'll get a set dollar amount or 50%, whichever is greater.  He'll get the rest.  If our portfolio grew nicely and medical bills didn't eat it up, that will be a lot of money. If not, he might get nothing.  Her portion will go into a trust.  She won't own the trust, she'll own a life interest in the income it provides.  When she dies the money will revert to our son or his descendants.   

I think the reason for the unequal distribution is very different than just taking care of people because they are too damn lazy to do so for themselves, or too damn spoiled to live within their means.

It just doesn't make a lot of sense to reinforce failure instead of success.  But, then again, doing that for many years is how you get overaged children in the first place, I guess.

This is basically our situation, my son is married to someone who inherited a lot of money but we've split our estate equally, half to him, half to her trust. They may not stay married forever so I don't want to write him out. However, my wonderful, exceptional granddaughter gets nothing from us because she's got more in her college fund than I have in the bank. Any remaining funds in my daughter's trust go to our nieces. It won't be much but it may give them a bit of a cushion.

[Fi(re) on the Farm]

My fathers mother who I never really knew much met a man later in life and got married in her 70's.

He had no relatives and had money, he died before her.

When she died me and my sister went to her funeral and my sister became friendly with a cousin there that we hadn't known up until then. The cousin was my fathers sisters daughter.

Shortly after that funeral I moved to a new country.


About 3 years later my sister told me that she had stayed in touch with this cousin and the cousin had said to her how generous it was of our grandmother to 'give us money before she died'?

My sister asked what money was that as she had not received any.

The cousin replied that grandmother had given money to her adult children and also given money to them to be passed onto their adult children.. her grandchildren (that be me;)

But my father thinking that we wouldn't know about this as we didn't know that side of the family 'kept' the money for himself.

Thereby cheating both his children and his own mothers wish on her deathbed.

Such a lovely man my father is!

That's theft and fraud.   Have him cough up the money or go to jail.  Then have nothing else to do with him because if he'll steal from you like that, you don't need him in your life.

It was about 27 years ago.

Yeah he's nuts!  I've got used to it over the years. And can trust him about as far as I can throw him, I think he's got some mental problems so I just learned to live with it.
He's done all kinds of wacky things over the years, it's like having a kind of abusive parent.... it's not sexual abuse, or particularly physical... it's more like he'd steal your inheritance, steal your girlfriend or wife, steal your child's affections by sh2t disturbing and gossiping behind your back.  Make your achievements look small and insignificant, and be quietly happy when you fail.

Oh Pudding, I feel your pain. No relationship with my dad at all. My oma (grandma) died 30 years ago and after she died my dad sent me a check for $500. He was pretty insulted when I didn't send him a thank you note. However, I know that he took all of my oma's money when she sold her house and that she scrimped and saved from her social security to give each of her granddaughter $1000 in a CD. Somehow he got his hands on the money (probably with her power of attorney because he wasn't on any of the CDs) and cashed them out. I think the only reason he gave us half is because my mom (his exwife who took care of Oma's money) knew about the CDs and would have pitched a fit if we'd gotten nothing.

[A Fella from Stella]

Not drama, but something new on my end. Was at my mother's and she was saying how my brother and I are so sentimental, but that my sister is not. She said it like 'isn't that funny?' because we're boys.

This came up because I was talking about the rocking chair I was sitting in, and how much I've always liked it - it's about 45 years old.

What I didn't say back to mom is "not only is she unsentimental, but also extremely blessed by having both sets of wedding bands, and other diamond jewelry." I know this because a daughter of mine is of age to marry, and I wanted to see if I could buy or have a set. Through a very long lunch, I found out that it was not available, but also not to be discussed.

that's sad that your mother thinks men can't be sentimental.  I think my brother is more sentimental about things than I am.  He got all of Dad's tools and jewelry, I'm to get mom's rings, but if really wanted them, I'd give them to him.....I'm very sentimental about memories, but not so much about the things the memories are attached to.   I have more of my mother's "stuff" than I want, but only because it was important to her to give it too me.   If my brother expressed an interest,  I think I'd gladly give things to him.   Just like I think he'd give me some of the stuff that was dad's within reason (he wears dad's ring daily, I'd never ask for that)

But I know I'm fortunate that we won't have drama.   The stories I hear on this thread sadden me about the greed of some folk's relatives.

Honestly, it's probably her way of convincing herself it's all fair in its own way. My sister had 7 years of college paid for while my brother had 4 (he went for 7). She's had childcare from mom since her kids were born. For the year mom watched my kids, I paid her because she was a widow, and could have been earning money otherwise.

Sometimes I wonder if my mom hates me, but I don't think that's the case. She just favors my sister because she's the only girl, and my sister is shameless about getting things, like wedding band sets and other jewelry. If cash was up for grabs, she'd be cool with that, too, but I don't foresee her trying to get a tea kettle or the Christmas decorations from our childhood.

[talltexan]

I was chewing my wife's ear yesterday about chipping in to pay for some expenses for our kids, when we don't know whether her brother is paying for the same for his kids (my MiL is taking them all to the same activities).

Based on what I'm reading here, I really ought to just shut up. $30-$60 of difference is not worth complaining.

[A Fella from Stella]

I was chewing my wife's ear yesterday about chipping in to pay for some expenses for our kids, when we don't know whether her brother is paying for the same for his kids (my MiL is taking them all to the same activities).

Based on what I'm reading here, I really ought to just shut up. $30-$60 of difference is not worth complaining.

It's all relative. I mean, just because you have clean water at home (a luxury), but are such a baller you filter it, doesn't mean you can't take issue with how slow the Brita is working.

[Just Joe]

Sometimes I wonder if my mom hates me, but I don't think that's the case. She just favors my sister because she's the only girl, and my sister is shameless about getting things, like wedding band sets and other jewelry. If cash was up for grabs, she'd be cool with that, too, but I don't foresee her trying to get a tea kettle or the Christmas decorations from our childhood.

That happens. Apparently not uncommon according to stories here. I came from a situation with similarities too. Hang in there...

[A Fella from Stella]

My grandmother is now 90 and she sold her home. Since she doesn't need the money it was arranged through her CPA to just split the dough between her 2 daughters, who she lives with.

I'm so happy that this is happening because both women are recent widows and could make wonderful use of the money while taking care of grandma.

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.

[dandarc]

My grandmother is now 90 and she sold her home. Since she doesn't need the money it was arranged through her CPA to just split the dough between her 2 daughters, who she lives with.

I'm so happy that this is happening because both women are recent widows and could make wonderful use of the money while taking care of grandma.

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.

Sounds like Granny made a smart move there.

[bluebelle]

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.

so your grandmother lives with your mother and your aunt?  Did I get the family order correct?  Won't your cousin just pester her mother (your aunt), and potentially decide to move-in once granny is gone (cuz, hey, there will be a room available)?   I see the potential for alot of drama

[Imma]

I heard a very sad story today :( In my family there's a very nasty spiteful widow with two kids. Both are childless, one recently got divorced after a long unhappy marriage to another nasty spiteful woman. They sold their house and he moved into his own place and reconnected with a girl he knew from school 30 years ago. She's by now a divorced mother and therefore a harlot (literal words). His family refuse to even meet her but the talk of the village is that she's only with him because he's loaded. The very first thing the mother did after he told her about his new girlfriend was to change her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

He sold a house and bought a new place, he's comfortable but hardly wealthy. They don't live together and the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too so there's no reason to believe she's interested in the money. The future inheritance is a paid off average family home and the guy isn't particularly nice or goodlooking or anything, let's just say that he's the wrong person if you're after a meal ticket, but I feel sorry for him that his own mother doesn't trust his judgement, so much that she's writing him out of her will because of someone she's never even met.

[A Fella from Stella]

COMING DRAMA: She will die, or so I've heard, and when she does there will be a little bit more money, I hope, for her daughters, but in the group is a ne'er do well cousin who smokes a lot of drugs and doesn't have much of a life. When her father died, she asked if sh could "have dad's social security." I imagine she anticipates granny, who retired at 55, must have some cash, but she doesn't. It was already distributed.

so your grandmother lives with your mother and your aunt?  Did I get the family order correct?  Won't your cousin just pester her mother (your aunt), and potentially decide to move-in once granny is gone (cuz, hey, there will be a room available)?   I see the potential for alot of drama

Grandma lives half the year with my mom and half the year with my aunt, and since this began 15 months ago has really enjoyed it.

Cousin lives with my aunt right now. Sometimes she has her own place, and other times she does something dumb like move back to her mom's while also getting a Great Dane. On the bright side, the Great Dane loves my grandmother.

[A Fella from Stella]

...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.

[bluebelle]

...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.

Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

[Chris Pascale]

...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.

Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

"looks like a gold digger"? Geez, that's terrible.

Your MIL must have been so insecure. Glad you get along.

[Alfred J Quack]

...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.

Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

"looks like a gold digger"? Geez, that's terrible.

Your MIL must have been so insecure. Glad you get along.

To be fair, gold digging is hard work with lots of risk.  /jk

But it is nice to read that it all came right in the end.

[talltexan]

...........the mother change[d] her will in favour of his sibling so no money ever ends up in the claws of that harlot.....

....................the woman apparantly has a job and owns her own home too..........

Classic harlot behavior; buying a home and establishing a career to trick everyone. Then, when they least expect it, she robs her not-rich, five-on-a-ten-point-scale boyfriend by loving him forever and having him chip in for half the stuff.

Happens every day.

Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

could this possibly mean she thought you were too beautiful to be married to her son?

[Just Joe]

Hah....21 years ago, when I first started dating my husband, when his mother met me, she told him I looked like a gold digger.....to this day, I don't know where this gold is that she was worried about.....he came into the marriage with his half of the house down payment and nothing else and I've always made a little more than double his salary.....BUT he was smart enough to let me manage the money....which is the reason he gets to retire next year, which is much better than his plan of 'work until I die'.....she came to love me.....I had a freezer and got him packing his lunch.....

Parents can be so fun. My parents have long ago decided DW is like her messy siblings and I'm like my own messy relative. Sibling believes whatever my parents help them believe.

Meanwhile DW and I have had a two decade+ marriage that has been anything but messy. Everything is good. And that's why there are miles of highway between us and them.

Screw people who can't look at the world objectively and factually.

[talltexan]

I see this with my sister-in-law.

Whenever our families are all together, she insists that my family is late for everything.

It took me a couple of visits to realize that this is because HER husband is late for everything.

[SwordGuy]

I see this with my sister-in-law.

Whenever our families are all together, she insists that my family is late for everything.

It took me a couple of visits to realize that this is because HER husband is late for everything.

Put on a good Gary Cooper drawl, "Well, color me simple, sis, we were here before the scheduled time, and it's YOUR husband who is late."  Smile.   Pause.  "As always.   So why would you claim that WE are late?"

I decided some years ago that I was just plain done with putting up with passive aggressive bullshit.   I have very little tolerance for it.   So I just serve them up a hearty verbal bowl of go fuck yourself soup and present it with a flourish.   Very few try that shit a fourth time. 

I said fourth time because I usually give the first two times a pass, in case they were having a bad day or something.  After that, they're fair game.
(Unless I'm convinced based on prior observation or accounts of how the person acts that they're being shitty on purpose.   Then I don't wait for a second time.)

[BFive55]

I don't have any drama and hopefully I won't. My siblings and I have been told we would get everything evenly split, which is cool by me. From mom and dad. My mom said I would be made executor since I'm better with money that the others.

She is also trying to give us a good inheritance and doesn't want to even really draw down any of the money she has saved in her retirement accounts. That's very nice of her but I told her she needs to also take care of herself (she should be fine with her government pension and Social Security as she has no mortgage and doesn't spend lavishly). But it's really great of her to plan for us that way. It sort of takes some stress off of us because if it works out we could each have a sizable enough inheritance to purchase a home... but my family is also fairly long-lived and I would expect her to live at least another 25 years, if not more.

My dad said we're getting a trusts but he has not been as straight forward as my mom on what his plans in his will are. He says he's going to spend all his money (which is fine, it's his money) but he's also smart enough to not blow through his money so there would be some left over when he dies. Plus his house is probably worth more than the money he has saved, and the house alone would be a big inheritance.

We've already decided that none of us want either house, so it'd be sold, and the money split. None of us care about furniture or anything so that can go or stay. The only thing that's of value are family pictures and family movies and some antique items my mom has. My dad's side of the family is not sentimental and they have like no heirlooms or anything worth passing down.

I don't know if there will be some drama when my grandfather passes. I have no idea what his net worth is but he's making more money now than when he was working. Whether that's due to his military pension, SS, and his investments or just his pensions, I don't know. All the grand kids are slated to receive $5,000 but from what I have gathered there's a lot more than that, just an unknown mount. His kids (dad, uncles, aunts) will obviously get a lot more. I might get his car, which he barely drives and is fairly new, so I'm hoping that doesn't cause any drama... which might mean the dollar amount I get is less.

Reading these stories though I'm happy that my siblings and I have decided to just split everything and sell all the assets like houses and cars.

[markbike528CBX]

Future Drama:

Childless Uncle-great investor, not spender, stealth wealth extreme.

Several Siblings ( some dead)

~20 siblings kids  (cousins to each other) DW among them. DW is descended from dead Sibling.

Current expectations are "$1M each at the cousin level"

While my estimation, based on conversations with Childless Uncle is at least $5-10M, I very much doubt that things will go smoothly on his passing, no matter what the amount.

DW doubts that there is a will in place. Eeek! 
Well at least we are chubby, maybe Fat-FIRE, so we are not directly affected, but we might have to be involved in the drama.
DW and I only like drama at the remove of TV or movies.

Predictions?

Watch this space for updates.

[Zamboni]

^I predict that childless Uncle leaves it all to charity. Given the any family drooling or predictions, that is understandable.

That's what my recently deceased friend did: he had a few million invested, and he did indeed have a will that specified it all went to his university . . . he had told the university in advance through their "planned giving" program associate, so they were not going to get snowed by his nieces and nephews. I can confirm that the university did indeed get the money, which was put into various endowments that he had specified in advance. As a result, they named an endowed scholarship, two rooms in buildings, and a tennis court after him, and his photo is now up on the wall there in a couple of places.

[Zhiantara]

This talk of gold diggers reminds me of when Dad's sister told my Mum that she doesn't get a say (in the conversation about Nan) because she is only the daughter-in-law and and is obviously after Nan's money...

What money? The woman has been on a pension for over 30 years...

For her part, Nan is refusing to sell her house and move into aged care because it will eat into the inheritance. If she sold her house today, after fees and related expenses, she would clear, maybe, $300k, although I think it would be closer to $200k. All four of her children are on disability (lifestyle-related degenerative disease, spinal cord injury, severe Crohn's disease, carpal tunnel). It seems like a lump sum of $50-70k would only create headaches with Centrelink.

I tell Nan that no one (except Dad's aforementioned sister) wants her money, and we would prefer that she use it to make sure that she is well taken care of, but that just makes her upset. Because she wants to leave an inheritance.

[Chris Pascale]

Dad's sister told my Mum that ..........she is only the daughter-in-law and and is obviously after Nan's money...

.................All four of her children are on disability.........

Your aunt has plenty of time on her hands, and nothing to do, it seems, so lets herself come up with ideas like this. Very sad, because it kills any kind of closeness there could have been.

[Jakejake]

Haven't been here for a bit, but my dad passed away last year. He had a book about to be published and my sister contacted the publisher. There was a conversation between her and the publisher about donating the royalties to a charity instead of just getting checks. That's fine. But then my sister, a cat hoarder, approached me to bounce this idea off me: "What if I get my cats designated as a nonprofit and then we can use the book proceeds to pay for their food?"

Uh, no. How about we don't get your freaking cats designated as a charity so you can pocket dad's residual paychecks to feed your own pets?  Especially since mom's still alive, ffs.

[Zamboni]

Wow, that's really obnoxious of your sister! Designate her cats as a charity . . . I thought I had heard it all, but that is a new angle for sure.

[DadJokes]

Future Drama:

Childless Uncle-great investor, not spender, stealth wealth extreme.

Several Siblings ( some dead)

~20 siblings kids  (cousins to each other) DW among them. DW is descended from dead Sibling.

Current expectations are "$1M each at the cousin level"

While my estimation, based on conversations with Childless Uncle is at least $5-10M, I very much doubt that things will go smoothly on his passing, no matter what the amount.

DW doubts that there is a will in place. Eeek! 
Well at least we are chubby, maybe Fat-FIRE, so we are not directly affected, but we might have to be involved in the drama.
DW and I only like drama at the remove of TV or movies.

Predictions?

Watch this space for updates.

Because you don't need the money, y'all may be in a good position to talk with this uncle about his will. You can just outline your concerns about not wanting a huge family drama and recommend that he go to an attorney and have a good, detailed will drawn up. As long as it comes from a position of love and concern, most people will be receptive to advice.

[Dicey]

Haven't been here for a bit, but my dad passed away last year. He had a book about to be published and my sister contacted the publisher. There was a conversation between her and the publisher about donating the royalties to a charity instead of just getting checks. That's fine. But then my sister, a cat hoarder, approached me to bounce this idea off me: "What if I get my cats designated as a nonprofit and then we can use the book proceeds to pay for their food?"

Uh, no. How about we don't get your freaking cats designated as a charity so you can pocket dad's residual paychecks to feed your own pets?  Especially since mom's still alive, ffs.

This article might help her figure out how to do it on her own. Follow it to the end (the article, not the thread). I promise it's relevant.

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mustachianism-around-the-web/japanese-woman-retires-at-34-after-living-on-$2-a-day-for-16-years/msg2441886/#msg2441886

A couple of years ago, we actually sifted through thousands of charitable asks for an elderly friend who was inundated. So many times, I wanted to scream at people, "What's wrong with working to achieve your dream instead of mooching off of others?!?!"

[A Fella from Stella]

Haven't been here for a bit, but my dad passed away last year. He had a book about to be published and my sister contacted the publisher. There was a conversation between her and the publisher about donating the royalties to a charity instead of just getting checks. That's fine. But then my sister, a cat hoarder, approached me to bounce this idea off me: "What if I get my cats designated as a nonprofit and then we can use the book proceeds to pay for their food?"

Uh, no. How about we don't get your freaking cats designated as a charity so you can pocket dad's residual paychecks to feed your own pets?  Especially since mom's still alive, ffs.

Hilarious. First, you sister takes it upon herself to have her mother's income from her husband diverted away from her, and then thinks, 'okay, now to openly do something really dumb.''

Edited to Add: Sorry for your loss.

[markbike528CBX]

Future Drama:

Childless Uncle-great investor, not spender, stealth wealth extreme.

Several Siblings ( some dead)

~20 siblings kids  (cousins to each other) DW among them. DW is descended from dead Sibling.

Current expectations are "$1M each at the cousin level"

While my estimation, based on conversations with Childless Uncle is at least $5-10M, I very much doubt that things will go smoothly on his passing, no matter what the amount.

DW doubts that there is a will in place. Eeek! 
Well at least we are chubby, maybe Fat-FIRE, so we are not directly affected, but we might have to be involved in the drama.
DW and I only like drama at the remove of TV or movies.

Predictions?

Watch this space for updates.

Because you don't need the money, y'all may be in a good position to talk with this uncle about his will. You can just outline your concerns about not wanting a huge family drama and recommend that he go to an attorney and have a good, detailed will drawn up. As long as it comes from a position of love and concern, most people will be receptive to advice.

While this is true, we're not that close.
In the 11 years I've been hooked up with (now) DW, I've had no more than 11 minutes of conversation with Childless Uncle. My hope is that DW sibling, who has taken care of Childless Uncle more than anyone, would get a big share.

[TVRodriguez]

A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

[SwordGuy]

A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

Real friends don't let their friends do something that stupid without giving them a heart-to-heart talk first.

Your friend will probably do the stupid thing anyway, but (a) at least you tried and (b) they'll be less likely to hit you up for sympathy or money when the train wreck happens.  Either way, it's a win.

[Jakejake]

This article might help her figure out how to do it on her own. Follow it to the end (the article, not the thread). I promise it's relevant.

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mustachianism-around-the-web/japanese-woman-retires-at-34-after-living-on-$2-a-day-for-16-years/msg2441886/#msg2441886

A couple of years ago, we actually sifted through thousands of charitable asks for an elderly friend who was inundated. So many times, I wanted to scream at people, "What's wrong with working to achieve your dream instead of mooching off of others?!?!"

I'm sure my sister would love to have a cat cafe, but I've given up on talking to her about money. Even as she was going through a bankruptcy, I couldn't convince her to just do something as simple as pack a lunch for work. "But I neeeeed to leave to go to a restaurant every day, if I eat at my desk people will keep stopping by asking me to do work related stuff and I really need the break!"

[Zamboni]

^That's exactly why I used to go for a run during lunch . . . to get away from work requests. I'd come back, shower, and eat my brown bag lunch at my desk.

But I doubt it would matter what you say to her, because people can rationalize anything. I mean, she is rationalizing stealing money from your Mom to feed her hoarded cats, and she wants to to sign off on her nefarious plan so she can later say "but I asked Jake, and he thought it was a good idea!" It just doesn't get any worse than that, so she is hopeless and you have my sympathy.

[TVRodriguez]

A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

Real friends don't let their friends do something that stupid without giving them a heart-to-heart talk first.

Your friend will probably do the stupid thing anyway, but (a) at least you tried and (b) they'll be less likely to hit you up for sympathy or money when the train wreck happens.  Either way, it's a win.

We used to be closer, but we've drifted apart a bit.  I used to try to show her how to do things cheaper, like baking your own bread, for example, which she took a shine to.  Then the next time I saw her she was doing some special diet that cost $$$ per week.  I can still be friendly with her but it's tough to witness sometimes.

[frugalecon]

Future Drama:

Childless Uncle-great investor, not spender, stealth wealth extreme.

Several Siblings ( some dead)

~20 siblings kids  (cousins to each other) DW among them. DW is descended from dead Sibling.

Current expectations are "$1M each at the cousin level"

While my estimation, based on conversations with Childless Uncle is at least $5-10M, I very much doubt that things will go smoothly on his passing, no matter what the amount.

DW doubts that there is a will in place. Eeek! 
Well at least we are chubby, maybe Fat-FIRE, so we are not directly affected, but we might have to be involved in the drama.
DW and I only like drama at the remove of TV or movies.

Predictions?

Watch this space for updates.

I have a miserly childless uncle who could definitely have seven figures of wealth, even though he looks like a pauper. I have heard that he laughs about my cousins who butter him up, since he thinks they are doing it to inherit his money. All of which he plans to leave to a charitable organization that he believes in. I have no desire or need to inherit from him or anyone else, so I will just watch from afar.

[marion10]

Several years ago we stopped by to visit my husband's  uncle- never married, no kids. Youngest of 9- so lots of nieces and nephews. He asked us if there was anything we particularly wanted. My husband said no- he already had family pictures from his parents. He then told us we were the only relative who stopped by and said we didn't want anything. He told us he was leaving his estate to his church in town and if anyone wanted anything they could bid on it at the auction.

[Just Joe]

I see this with my sister-in-law.

Whenever our families are all together, she insists that my family is late for everything.

It took me a couple of visits to realize that this is because HER husband is late for everything.

Put on a good Gary Cooper drawl, "Well, color me simple, sis, we were here before the scheduled time, and it's YOUR husband who is late."  Smile.   Pause.  "As always.   So why would you claim that WE are late?"

I decided some years ago that I was just plain done with putting up with passive aggressive bullshit.   I have very little tolerance for it.   So I just serve them up a hearty verbal bowl of go fuck yourself soup and present it with a flourish.   Very few try that shit a fourth time. 

I said fourth time because I usually give the first two times a pass, in case they were having a bad day or something.  After that, they're fair game.
(Unless I'm convinced based on prior observation or accounts of how the person acts that they're being shitty on purpose.   Then I don't wait for a second time.)

Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

[saguaro]

Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.

[Dicey]

Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.

When I was single, I was the one who made the trips. When I was working, I used my plentiful windshield time to initiate the phone calls. Now that I'm married and busy...crickets. unless, of course, I pick up the phone or they need a place to stay on the way to or from somewhere else.

[mm1970]

A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

Real friends don't let their friends do something that stupid without giving them a heart-to-heart talk first.

Your friend will probably do the stupid thing anyway, but (a) at least you tried and (b) they'll be less likely to hit you up for sympathy or money when the train wreck happens.  Either way, it's a win.

We used to be closer, but we've drifted apart a bit.  I used to try to show her how to do things cheaper, like baking your own bread, for example, which she took a shine to.  Then the next time I saw her she was doing some special diet that cost $$$ per week.  I can still be friendly with her but it's tough to witness sometimes.

You can expect the friendship to continue to get more distant.  Some people don't want to be helped in any useful way.
 
Sad story: shortly after the DH and I started dating, a good (older) friend of the DH married his girlfriend (hereafter wife #4), in his words, so she would be allowed into the recovery room after an upcoming medical procedure.  Procedure was unsuccessful and friend was given weeks to live. We helped the friend, wife #4 and wife #4's teenage kid from a previous marriage downsize into the friend's mother's basement.  We helped wife #4 and friend's mother with in-home patient care.  We were there for the friend's passing and attended the deeply uncomfortable funeral attended by all four wives. We were also there when wife #4 realized she was going to get nothing - Wife #1 got the military pension (married during military service), wife #2 got the social security (married longest), wife #3 got the bank accounts (will not changed after wife #4's very recent - as in weeks old - marriage to friend).  There was nothing left other than the belongings we'd helped them move into the basement.

DH and I spent the next year trying to help wife #4 get back on her feet, but she wasn't interested in going back to work or making any changes to her spending (formerly financed by friend).  Eventually we helped pack up wife #4's belongings when friend's mother kicked wife #4 out of the basement (for demanding in advance what she expected to get when friend's exceptionally elderly mother died). The last thing wife #4 said to us as she pulled away in the rental truck we loaded full with everything we'd carried back up out of the basement (she left the kid with the kid's dad) was "I'm going to move in with my mother and brother.  They will take care of me." We reached out several times after that to check on wife #4, but when she realized we weren't going to provide any more support (we were't going to fly down just to provide free labor and we weren't sending money) she ghosted us. 

DH and I still hear from wives #1 & #3 occasionally.

oh boy

[Imma]

Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.

When I was single, I was the one who made the trips. When I was working, I used my plentiful windshield time to initiate the phone calls. Now that I'm married and busy...crickets. unless, of course, I pick up the phone or they need a place to stay on the way to or from somewhere else.

It's so often like that. We recently got back in touch with a relative with a serious illness - not because they were looking back at their life and regretting being out of touch but because they needed practical support. Now they are recovering we don't hear from them anymore.

My own mother always has it in her head that I'm assertive and independent and don't need help, which is mostly true but I once needed a little practical help l, a one-off thing (I was hospitalized unexpectedly and was gone for a few weeks and food was rotting everywhere in my house and I could barely stand up) and she totally freaked out, I should get my shit together and act like a grownup. My sibling lives around the corner from her and she cleans their apartment every week even when they don't ask "because you don't understand how hard it is to ask for help". Well, I guess I should be happy that my family doesn't think I'm incapable of stuff.

[Just Joe]

Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.

When I was single, I was the one who made the trips. When I was working, I used my plentiful windshield time to initiate the phone calls. Now that I'm married and busy...crickets. unless, of course, I pick up the phone or they need a place to stay on the way to or from somewhere else.

Oh yes - family comes to town, or passes through and can't bother to say hi. DW had an out of town relative come into the SAME workplace building and they didn't make the effort to say hello. Like five minutes of chit-chat. 50 ft detour.  Good gosh!

All hey, how are you in person - its been so long -  when we make the trip to their town. We genuinely enjoy spending time with our families whether it is a quickie visit, a meal or an overnight (usually at one of our parents' homes).

Wow - the stories y'all are telling here are real head shakers. If nothing else I guess it is good to know that people are a challenge all over. On the other hand it's sad to know that people are a challenge all over.