Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 1002382 times)

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2550 on: April 15, 2021, 10:17:06 AM »
not so much missing as paid a different way.   When someone dies, without a spouse, everything they own is deemed 'sold' at time of death and any capital gains are taxed to the estate, even RRSPs and RRIFs.   If the deceased has a spouse, RRIFs and RRSPs can transfer without tax, primary residence is also excluded.   So the deceased pays the taxes, not the one inheriting.
Isn't that pretty much the same thing?  Either pay taxes, then distribute, vs distribute, then pay taxes?

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2551 on: April 15, 2021, 10:51:58 AM »
not so much missing as paid a different way.   When someone dies, without a spouse, everything they own is deemed 'sold' at time of death and any capital gains are taxed to the estate, even RRSPs and RRIFs.   If the deceased has a spouse, RRIFs and RRSPs can transfer without tax, primary residence is also excluded.   So the deceased pays the taxes, not the one inheriting.
Isn't that pretty much the same thing?  Either pay taxes, then distribute, vs distribute, then pay taxes?

No, it's not necessarily at ALL the same thing.   

If the estate owes taxes it can't pay, in one case you might inherit nothing and in the other you inherit the debt!

However, if debt can't be inherited without voluntarily accepting real property that the debt is attached to AND the tax is progressively tied to income (i.e., the more income the higher the effective rate of taxation), then an estate divided into multiple parts might pay more tax than the individuals only being taxed on their share might pay.   And if their was only one inheritor, the inheritor might pay more tax in total because they have their own income added in. 

:)

marty998

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2552 on: April 22, 2021, 01:39:24 AM »
I wonder why he didn't leave a will. It sounds like they were together for ages, and lived like a married couple but didn't want to go through the formalities for understandable reasons.  From a quick google search it seems like he was long-term estranged from his father and brother and had been engaged to his partner for 20 years. Maybe because he figured he'd have nothing of value to leave her? But it seems like at the very least they owned a flat together and he must have had some personal property. Even if he hadn't become famous after death, you'd think he'd wanted that to go to his partner rather than his stranged family.

His isnt one of those countries that awarded his assets to his legal relatives?

I do find that idea of European countries shocking. Damn, itís my money, the last thing I want is my $3 million going to my brothers and sisters nieces and nephews. Well they are getting some of it in our current well, theyíre organizations I would much rather leave money to.

So in these European countries spoken of above, do organizations i.e. charities get anything upon someoneís death?

Late to this discussion but I'm starting to understand why Regicide was so common among European royalty....

Capsu78

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2553 on: April 22, 2021, 10:09:41 AM »
Here is a pretty good discussion of where to put your will over on Bogleheads.

https://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=337890

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2554 on: April 22, 2021, 11:20:23 AM »
I wonder why he didn't leave a will. It sounds like they were together for ages, and lived like a married couple but didn't want to go through the formalities for understandable reasons.  From a quick google search it seems like he was long-term estranged from his father and brother and had been engaged to his partner for 20 years. Maybe because he figured he'd have nothing of value to leave her? But it seems like at the very least they owned a flat together and he must have had some personal property. Even if he hadn't become famous after death, you'd think he'd wanted that to go to his partner rather than his stranged family.

His isnt one of those countries that awarded his assets to his legal relatives?

I do find that idea of European countries shocking. Damn, itís my money, the last thing I want is my $3 million going to my brothers and sisters nieces and nephews. Well they are getting some of it in our current well, theyíre organizations I would much rather leave money to.

So in these European countries spoken of above, do organizations i.e. charities get anything upon someoneís death?

Late to this discussion but I'm starting to understand why Regicide was so common among European royalty....

There is a limitation. If you kill your parents, you canít inherit them. So you have to do it undetected.

wevan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2555 on: April 22, 2021, 12:50:26 PM »
Here is a pretty good discussion of where to put your will over on Bogleheads.

https://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=337890

I know I'm misreading your post, but I'm laughing over the picture of a thread earnestly discussing which subforum to post a copy of your will on.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2556 on: May 05, 2021, 10:03:48 AM »
not so much missing as paid a different way.   When someone dies, without a spouse, everything they own is deemed 'sold' at time of death and any capital gains are taxed to the estate, even RRSPs and RRIFs.   If the deceased has a spouse, RRIFs and RRSPs can transfer without tax, primary residence is also excluded.   So the deceased pays the taxes, not the one inheriting.
Isn't that pretty much the same thing?  Either pay taxes, then distribute, vs distribute, then pay taxes?

I am not certain about exactly how this works, but I think in the UK the heir(s) have to pay the inheritance tax before getting their hands on the estate. This is a colossal pain in the ass, because it's really not that unusual for the amount assessed for inheritance tax to be more than the heirs personal NW. It's like in Guys and Dolls - if they only had a lousy little grand they could be a millionaire! But as it is, if they can't afford £30k for the tax, they can't inherit £300k (numbers made up). I believe you can get loans for this specific purpose. IMO, it should be the executors job to pay inheritance tax from the estate before distribution.

former player

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2557 on: May 05, 2021, 10:11:20 AM »
not so much missing as paid a different way.   When someone dies, without a spouse, everything they own is deemed 'sold' at time of death and any capital gains are taxed to the estate, even RRSPs and RRIFs.   If the deceased has a spouse, RRIFs and RRSPs can transfer without tax, primary residence is also excluded.   So the deceased pays the taxes, not the one inheriting.
Isn't that pretty much the same thing?  Either pay taxes, then distribute, vs distribute, then pay taxes?

I am not certain about exactly how this works, but I think in the UK the heir(s) have to pay the inheritance tax before getting their hands on the estate. This is a colossal pain in the ass, because it's really not that unusual for the amount assessed for inheritance tax to be more than the heirs personal NW. It's like in Guys and Dolls - if they only had a lousy little grand they could be a millionaire! But as it is, if they can't afford £30k for the tax, they can't inherit £300k (numbers made up). I believe you can get loans for this specific purpose. IMO, it should be the executors job to pay inheritance tax from the estate before distribution.
It's not a problem if there is cash in the estate.  The main problem is when the estate is basically a single house that the heirs want to keep: in that situation the tax bill can be big but there's no cash in the estate.  I can't say I feel too sorry - inheritance tax only kicks in above £325,000 so the heirs are going to get a nice increase in worth whatever they do.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2558 on: May 05, 2021, 10:43:47 AM »
It's definitely a first world problem, but still an annoying one! I stand corrected about the cash. I know about it because my mother's friend was inheriting and couldn't pay the IHT upfront but now I come to think of it, she was inheriting a London house.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2559 on: May 06, 2021, 11:32:01 AM »
Maybe I shouldn't post this, but wanted to rant somewhere. My mother currently lives in my brother's house along with my sister. Sister has not been working due to COVID (though to be honest there have been stretches of time she has been unemployed). Mom pays for groceries and some bills to contribute. However brother says that he and his daughter pretty much just eat out, make their own food etc rather than eat that food. My mother is older, has some health conditions, but is not an invalid. She does not follow medical advice for eating healthier and getting more physical activity. She stopped driving (she never liked driving). She gave her car to my sister who drives it. The last couple times I noticed my Mom kind of orders my sister around and makes a lot of unnecessary requests. She also wants sister to be constantly available, to drop whatever she is doing to do errands, make her food at non meal times, or make a new or different food even though there is food to eat, etc. It is a huge time suck. My sister since she moved in, has not been financially contributing to the household. So my sister and Mom are now saying hat "taking care of Mom" is her job now, and she shouldn't be expected to get a job or contribute otherwise to the household. This is a big sore spot for my brother. He's the only one paying the mortgage (or paying for, doing repairs to house, etc). In response, my mother is now saying, well when she dies she will give a bigger share of inheritance to sister to compensate her for her time. I find this problematic on a number of fronts. One, it isn't fair to my brother who is, objectively helping my mother as much if not more, by essentially giving her a free place to live. Two because Mom doesn't pay rent, my sister also doesn't feel obligated to. Third I feel that my mother is using promise of inheritance to treat my sister as an indentured servant. 4th, this may place sis in a financially precarious situation; there is no guarantee any money will be left by the time she passes, and every year that this goes on, is less income sis has made on her own or social security benefits she has accrued. I can already see the resentment if it is less than what she expects. It's not great for Mom, as she has becomes less capable and more needy.  I suggested if Mom needs help, that she schedules with sis, times say 2-3x a week to do errands, etc, and that they are consolidated. Also, That sis gets paid a certain amount for helping her (10-20 an hour). The payment will allow sis to have money for herself or to contribute to the household. I believe it will reduce the amount of time Mom takes of my sister's time, as there is an actual value placed on it. Neither Mom nor sis want to do that (different reasons). Any suggestions? My brother is talking about at some point selling his house and moving to an apartment in a few years, which would also "solve" the problem.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2021, 05:19:21 PM by partgypsy »

Goldielocks

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2560 on: May 06, 2021, 12:15:23 PM »
It's definitely a first world problem, but still an annoying one! I stand corrected about the cash. I know about it because my mother's friend was inheriting and couldn't pay the IHT upfront but now I come to think of it, she was inheriting a London house.

Here this is the primary use of "Term-100" life insurance -- the aging current owner buys life insurance to cover taxes due on the property when they die, so that the property does not need to be sold.  It is common for cottages or other real property.

Sibley

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2561 on: May 06, 2021, 12:34:35 PM »
@partgypsy You can't fix this. I get why it's frustrating, because it is ultimately unhealthy. Your sister is getting free housing/food, your mom gets a servant. Short of your brother selling the place (and both have to move out), the only person who can fix this situation is your sister. And since she's getting something out of it she may not want to. Even if your brother sells, it's possible that they will find a place together and continue the dynamic.

The odds are good that whenever this does break up your sister is going to struggle. You won't be able to fix that either. It sucks. Try to disengage.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2562 on: May 06, 2021, 05:09:32 PM »
@partgypsy You can't fix this. I get why it's frustrating, because it is ultimately unhealthy. Your sister is getting free housing/food, your mom gets a servant. Short of your brother selling the place (and both have to move out), the only person who can fix this situation is your sister. And since she's getting something out of it she may not want to. Even if your brother sells, it's possible that they will find a place together and continue the dynamic.

The odds are good that whenever this does break up your sister is going to struggle. You won't be able to fix that either. It sucks. Try to disengage.

I don't think it's a healthy dynamic at all. My mom had a codependent relationship with my brother (different, he was the one being "taken care of") and the longer this goes the more sister will feel this is all she is capable of (she's even said as such. Also that she just needs a break because life is so stressful). And even if Mom gives her 100% of her assets, it will not be enough to live on if sister is unable to live independently.
« Last Edit: May 06, 2021, 05:20:33 PM by partgypsy »

charis

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2563 on: May 06, 2021, 05:30:57 PM »
@partgypsy You can't fix this. I get why it's frustrating, because it is ultimately unhealthy. Your sister is getting free housing/food, your mom gets a servant. Short of your brother selling the place (and both have to move out), the only person who can fix this situation is your sister. And since she's getting something out of it she may not want to. Even if your brother sells, it's possible that they will find a place together and continue the dynamic.

The odds are good that whenever this does break up your sister is going to struggle. You won't be able to fix that either. It sucks. Try to disengage.

I don't think it's a healthy dynamic at all. My mom had a codependent relationship with my brother (different, he was the one being "taken care of") and the longer this goes the more sister will feel this is all she is capable of (she's even said as such. Also that she just needs a break because life is so stressful). And even if Mom gives her 100% of her assets, it will not be enough to live on if sister is unable to live independently.

I think Sibley was agreeing that it's not healthy, but pointing out that there is nothing you can do about it.  I have a sibling living with elderly parents for much longer than necessary and it could easily become permanent because nobody seems to be willing to do anything about it. I am primarily concerned that the sibling is contributing nothing to the household and will continue to take advantage until my parents are basically broke (though the sibling routinely points out that they will never run out of money due to pensions and SS).  I can see the trainwreck from years away and I will be the one (paying) to pick up the pieces, but I can't do anything about it.  My parents are very stubborn and exhibiting cognitive decline.  I've done the most I can - talking it out, making suggesting, sending books, suggesting therapy, etc, but nothing changes, nor can I expect it to.

alcon835

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2564 on: May 07, 2021, 07:10:16 AM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2565 on: May 07, 2021, 09:21:34 AM »
It's definitely a first world problem, but still an annoying one! I stand corrected about the cash. I know about it because my mother's friend was inheriting and couldn't pay the IHT upfront but now I come to think of it, she was inheriting a London house.

Indeed many people don't receive sympathy for these problems because it seems like--at the center of it--is the receipt of a lot of wealth. I was discussing a friend's estate with him (his dad recently passed away), and found that using the term "emotional labor" to describe all the work he's having to do really resonated.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2566 on: May 07, 2021, 11:51:59 AM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.
You are right. It's just that then they individually bitch to me (esp my sister) so it is frustrating. But no one wants to change, so...

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2567 on: May 07, 2021, 12:01:35 PM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.
You are right. It's just that then they individually bitch to me (esp my sister) so it is frustrating. But no one wants to change, so...

Oh, now, THAT makes the situation different.

If they ask for help you should provide good advice at the least.  It should follow this process:

Next time they bitch,  "I'm so sorry you're facing this problem.   What are you going to do to solve it?"

Next time they bitch after that,  "Oh, I'm so sorry you're still facing this problem.   What have you already done to try solving it?"

And if the answer is the expected, i.e., not  a damn thing, then the next time they bitch after that, "Oh, I'm so sorry you're still facing this problem!   What have you already done to try solving it?"    Which, if the answer is still, not a damn thing, followed by, "Well, if you're not going to do a damn thing about solving this problem, they I've really got better things to do than listen to you whine about it.   When you're ready to actually use actionable advice, or you've tried something and it didn't work and you want help in coming up with something else to try, let me know.   Until then, I don't want to hear about it any more."


alcon835

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2568 on: May 07, 2021, 12:06:28 PM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.
You are right. It's just that then they individually bitch to me (esp my sister) so it is frustrating. But no one wants to change, so...

Yeah, I can only imagine how much that sucks :(

But I mean, if they start complaining you at least have an out, "Hey, I know you just want to complain, but it really wears me down. You know I'm willing to help you. Can we talk talk about something else?"
« Last Edit: May 07, 2021, 02:18:03 PM by alcon835 »

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2569 on: May 07, 2021, 12:18:00 PM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.
You are right. It's just that then they individually bitch to me (esp my sister) so it is frustrating. But no one wants to change, so...

"We've talked about this and about how you have agency in the problem and in solving it.  You choose not to do so, so I ask that you please not come to me about it. I've offered all the input I have and it seems it doesn't work for you. So I don't want to discuss the mom/sister/brother situation with you anymore as it upsets me and makes me uncomfortable.  On another note, did you see that cute news story about the cat who put out a fire in the family home..." 

They bitch to you because you let them, just as mom and sister take advantage of brother because he lets them, and sister takes advantage of mom because she lets her.  If you don't want to hear about this, tell them that.  Set a boundary, and every. single. time they test it, remind them, "I told you I'm staying out of the situation and don't want to discuss it, remember?  is they anything else you want to talk about?"

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2570 on: May 07, 2021, 04:45:39 PM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.
You are right. It's just that then they individually bitch to me (esp my sister) so it is frustrating. But no one wants to change, so...

There's an easy way to fix that--works every single time.  "You're telling me negative things about other people who I have relationships with, which is considered gossip.  So you can go tell this person yourself, and fix it with them, or I can call them within 24 hours and tell them exactly what you've said." 

Turns out, nobody wants you to make that call, and if you ever have to, you only do once, in most cases. 

Failing that, you can just raise a boundary every time: "I'm not going to talk to you about this.  You need to talk to the people you have the problem with.  I'm hanging up now."  It'll annoy the other person but they will eventually learn that you set a line making that completely unacceptable. 

Look out for your own mental health.  Let them wreck their own if they want to, but you don't have to let yourself be dragged down into the mud. 

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2571 on: May 07, 2021, 04:48:10 PM »
Having read all the posts, I see that @Villanelle had the exact same approach.  And @SwordGuy had a good approach as well.  All of our approaches involve setting some hard boundaries. 

This is their problem, they don't want to fix or just won't, and you have no power to fix their own problems for them.   

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2572 on: May 09, 2021, 12:06:10 PM »
Any suggestions?

I have one, but you're not going to like it.

Stay out of this. It sucks. It's not healthy. long-term, it's bad for everyone. And yet, none of those things are yours to fix. Your mother and sister are unwilling to change and your brother is unwilling to make them change.

They are family, so you're not impartial or truly separated from the situation, but you are powerless. You can't do anything here and you shouldn't unless someone asks you too.

You offered advice to your mom and sister (schedule and consolidate errands/chores and pay sister for her time) and they both rejected it for their own reasons. Your brother, it seems, isn't forcing sister pay rent. So, legitimately, there is nothing you can do.

The real and only suggestion you should consider is "stay out of it" unless someone asks you for help down the road. You already did all you can do. Don't try to do any more. Let it go. This isn't your battle to fight.
You are right. It's just that then they individually bitch to me (esp my sister) so it is frustrating. But no one wants to change, so...

"We've talked about this and about how you have agency in the problem and in solving it.  You choose not to do so, so I ask that you please not come to me about it. I've offered all the input I have and it seems it doesn't work for you. So I don't want to discuss the mom/sister/brother situation with you anymore as it upsets me and makes me uncomfortable.  On another note, did you see that cute news story about the cat who put out a fire in the family home..." 

They bitch to you because you let them, just as mom and sister take advantage of brother because he lets them, and sister takes advantage of mom because she lets her.  If you don't want to hear about this, tell them that.  Set a boundary, and every. single. time they test it, remind them, "I told you I'm staying out of the situation and don't want to discuss it, remember?  is they anything else you want to talk about?"
You are right. I listen because, I feel bad for them (brother, sister) and feel it's the least I can do (let them vent). So, I will still allow them to bitch, but let them know they have a 2/5 min; after that they need to change subject. I think might be a good approach for any of those long-standing, bitch sessions that esp my sister likes to do (same basic themes, over past 20, 30 years)
« Last Edit: May 09, 2021, 12:08:00 PM by partgypsy »

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2573 on: May 09, 2021, 01:00:49 PM »
Great plan @partgypsy

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2574 on: May 09, 2021, 01:35:22 PM »
My husband gives me allocated bitching sessions on some topics and I love it. The last one was a colleague I used to work with. I can let rip for fifteen minutes when I come home and have his full attention, then my time's up and he doesn't have to spend all evening hearing "And another thing!"

fredbear

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2575 on: May 10, 2021, 09:56:26 AM »
Having read all the posts, I see that @Villanelle had the exact same approach.  And @SwordGuy had a good approach as well.  All of our approaches involve setting some hard boundaries. 

...

Here are some I have used:

- on the third complaint about a wife, "Right.  I've heard that from you.  Now what I want to know is what your divorce attorney said.  Get back to me with that."

- on the third complaint about a nuthatch girlfriend, "Done listening.  Suppose we meet at your place at 4 and I'll help you change the locks." 

- on the second request for financial advice,  "A man always gives his best advice first.  You got that and you said, 'Oh, I could never do that.'  You need to specify what my role in this conversation is, or it can't continue."

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2576 on: May 10, 2021, 05:21:30 PM »
Having read all the posts, I see that @Villanelle had the exact same approach.  And @SwordGuy had a good approach as well.  All of our approaches involve setting some hard boundaries. 

...

Here are some I have used:

- on the third complaint about a wife, "Right.  I've heard that from you.  Now what I want to know is what your divorce attorney said.  Get back to me with that."

- on the third complaint about a nuthatch girlfriend, "Done listening.  Suppose we meet at your place at 4 and I'll help you change the locks." 

- on the second request for financial advice,  "A man always gives his best advice first.  You got that and you said, 'Oh, I could never do that.'  You need to specify what my role in this conversation is, or it can't continue."

I especially love that third retort