Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 1073159 times)

AMandM

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2250 on: October 17, 2020, 07:06:43 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

frugalecon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2251 on: October 17, 2020, 08:16:56 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

My main concern is that the heirs, including my spouse, are as indecisive and disorganized as my FIL. But I appreciate the perspective above that i can just try to disengage when it happens.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2252 on: October 17, 2020, 08:22:30 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

OMG, are they ditherers?    A group of ditherers in charge is hell on earth to me.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

My main concern is that the heirs, including my spouse, are as indecisive and disorganized as my FIL. But I appreciate the perspective above that i can just try to disengage when it happens.

kina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2253 on: November 15, 2020, 01:03:34 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?
A parent like this rarely spawns an entire group of non-dysfunctional offspring. It only takes one to drag it out for years.

StachingforLife

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2254 on: November 17, 2020, 05:52:15 PM »
I've got two things so far:

1. My older brother occasionally brags about the 2 homes he believes he'll inherit from our aunt. He was a very troublesome teen and was taken care of by this aunt (no kids of her own) for a few years until his high school graduation. Our mom was going through cancer treatment and he was just too much for my parents at the time. So since that time with her, he'd gotten closer to her than me. Though to be honest, she's a pretty awful person so I haven't really wanted to get that closer to her anyway.
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.

2. When my maternal great-grandmother died, she specified in her will that my mother would get the value of her home. My maternal grandmother was furious about this. Even though my mom had been taking care of my great-grandmother for years while my maternal grandmother barely did anything for her own mother. She tried to find ways to prove that she should get some of the money and ended up claiming to have bought my great-grandmother new carpets 20 years prior to her death and demanded $10,000. My mom is a peace-keeper and gave it to her. But I'll always remember my father telling me about this and how money changes people- and in these situations, not for the better.
P.S. My grandmother is turning 81 next year and still can't retire. I'd bet if she'd been retired and good with money at the time of my great-grandmother's death, she wouldn't have tried to stake her claim.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2255 on: November 17, 2020, 08:10:19 PM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

StachingforLife

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2256 on: November 17, 2020, 08:25:02 PM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2257 on: November 18, 2020, 03:37:33 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2258 on: November 18, 2020, 05:38:59 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.
There's an old saying that sums it up: "If you meet one jerk today, you've met one jerk.  If *everyone* is a jerk today, then *you're* the jerk."  Wise words--we use a version of this with our kids ("If one of your siblings is bugging you, then come ask for help.  If everyone is bugging you, you're probably the problem")

StachingforLife

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2259 on: November 20, 2020, 05:26:41 PM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

Exactly!!! My aunt is so awful to be around! I told my husband the same thing- putting up with her crap isn't worth the inheritance for one second. And my aunt is the same way as yours with cutting people out. If she'd had children, I'd bet she would've cut them out by now too. It amazes me she hasn't cut me out yet. Lol a ticking time bomb I'm sure with my mouth.
It really sucks to cut out family members but no one needs extra stress in their lives.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2260 on: November 21, 2020, 04:06:35 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

Exactly!!! My aunt is so awful to be around! I told my husband the same thing- putting up with her crap isn't worth the inheritance for one second. And my aunt is the same way as yours with cutting people out. If she'd had children, I'd bet she would've cut them out by now too. It amazes me she hasn't cut me out yet. Lol a ticking time bomb I'm sure with my mouth.
It really sucks to cut out family members but no one needs extra stress in their lives.

I believe that those difficult aunts etc in some way respect more the people who donít take crap from them that people that take everything to gain an inheritance.

Fi(re) on the Farm

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2261 on: November 21, 2020, 07:37:06 AM »
But it really triggers me when he throws that in my face. It's just so unnecessary even if it ends up being true. Though we'll have been retired for decades by the time he inherits those properties. And he'll likely spend all their worth anyway. So who's the real winner here you know? This is what I repeat to myself when he goes on about this nonsense.
"Living well is the best revenge" -- George Herbert

Enjoy your decades of not having to work for a living, while he lives in a state of constant panic over small emergencies :)

It certainly is!

Though he drives me crazy with his insensitivity, I'm desperately hoping he'll want to retire early too after watching us. If only he could get his big head out of his ass...

I'm in a similar situation. I cut my aunt off a long time ago and I know one sibling will probably inherit everything. Every time I hear them complain about her, I just think "not my circus, not my monkeys". The worst was when I heard complaints through my siblings that it was so expensive to keep changing your will to cut more people out. I think my sibling is the only one out of all the nieces/nephews/godchildren still in the will. It happens that people fall out but when you fall out with so many people there's clearly something wrong with you. I wouldn't want such an incredibly toxic person in my life for all the money in the world.

Exactly!!! My aunt is so awful to be around! I told my husband the same thing- putting up with her crap isn't worth the inheritance for one second. And my aunt is the same way as yours with cutting people out. If she'd had children, I'd bet she would've cut them out by now too. It amazes me she hasn't cut me out yet. Lol a ticking time bomb I'm sure with my mouth.
It really sucks to cut out family members but no one needs extra stress in their lives.

This is my MIL - she's changed her will a dozen times over the last twenty years to cut or add back people. You'd think there was a big estate but she's only worth about $100K. If she goes into a nursing home it will be gone in less than a year and if she doesn't, once the funeral is paid for, it will be less than $15,000 for each of the inheritors. My husband's out of the will right now and he intends to stay that way.

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2262 on: November 21, 2020, 10:04:54 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2263 on: November 21, 2020, 10:35:28 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

It IS manipulative.  That's the exact point of doing it.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2264 on: November 21, 2020, 11:25:49 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2265 on: November 21, 2020, 01:21:56 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2266 on: November 21, 2020, 01:40:41 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2267 on: November 21, 2020, 02:05:20 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

You know, that synopsis explained to the COP in question might get them to rethink being such a vocal ass about their will.    Maybe hand them a t-shirt or hat with cross-hairs on it to drive home the point...

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2268 on: November 21, 2020, 02:44:54 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

It IS manipulative.  That's the exact point of doing it.

Yes, my aunt always used to inform us that so-and-so was out of the will because he did this thing, so we should make sure we never do this thing because that would mean we were going to be out of the will and we weren't going to get The Inheritance. The way she talkes about it you may think it's a multi million trust fund, but it's a bog standard terraced house that still has a mortgage and her china from the 1980s.

She used to teach me valuable life lessons like how you should set aside 10% of your earnings to invest in jewelry, that no one has ever gotten a job through networking and that I will probably end up on my own because I didn't go steady with anyone during highschool and always look like a mess. And then came "at your age I was married already!". I first met Mr Imma at the ripe old age of 22 and didn't "go steady" with him until I was 23! The horror. Instead of investing in jewelry I became a home owner at 24. I'm 30 now and just bought my first set of china and my first piece of real (vintage) jewelry this year. Still look like a mess, so I made sure to find a guy who doesn't like make-up and nailpolish and things like that.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2269 on: November 21, 2020, 08:06:38 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2270 on: November 21, 2020, 10:40:18 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

I will definitely check them out! Thanks for the info. By the way, I know of Agatha Christie, just donít recall reading any of her books or what they are about.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2271 on: November 22, 2020, 12:01:25 PM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

I will definitely check them out! Thanks for the info. By the way, I know of Agatha Christie, just donít recall reading any of her books or what they are about.

I actually haven't *read* that many but am a HUGE fan of the ITV Poirot series with David Suchet. Maybe it's an acquired taste? But it's our go-to comfort viewing. I'm currently trudging through the ITV Marples and they are just not up to snuff.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2272 on: November 22, 2020, 02:05:03 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.

My dad and aunt had one of those Agatha Christie aunts too so I guess they just think that's normal behaviour? She died of natural causes, but I'm sure some family members were sometimes tempted as she was so difficult.

rpr

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2273 on: November 22, 2020, 02:16:34 PM »
I remember this episode. This is not Agatha Christie but is a BritMur in the Midsomer Murders series.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0868397/

I enjoyed that series.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2274 on: November 22, 2020, 08:52:54 PM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.

Well, at least we all know you're doing it right!

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2275 on: November 23, 2020, 12:31:44 AM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

The worst thing is, she truly is! I can't imagine actually caring enough about the life choices of family members I don't like to be disappointed in them. When we were still in touch she was in my phone as Hyacinth Bucket.

My dad and aunt had one of those Agatha Christie aunts too so I guess they just think that's normal behaviour? She died of natural causes, but I'm sure some family members were sometimes tempted as she was so difficult.

Hilarious detective novel plot: yes, I did murder COP, but not for the money - just to get them to shut up about it!

PhilB

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2276 on: November 23, 2020, 02:02:41 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

You've obviously never read much Agatha Christie...

Um, canít say that I have...

She's a writer from the golden age of detective fiction (between the wars) and SO many of her books are about a cantankerous old person changing their will multiple times with great fanfare to include or exclude various family members in order to keep them at their beck and call, and include a large cast of hangers-on who kowtow to COP (cantankerous old person)'s every demand in the hope of being in their good books on the day they die and therefore being in the latest version of the will. Naturally, that means they all have a potent motive for being the murderer. In fact, the catalyst for the murder is often that COP has a fight with someone and announces that they will call their solicitor tomorrow and cut them out of the will - but they mysteriously die before they manage to do it...

I will definitely check them out! Thanks for the info. By the way, I know of Agatha Christie, just donít recall reading any of her books or what they are about.

I actually haven't *read* that many but am a HUGE fan of the ITV Poirot series with David Suchet. Maybe it's an acquired taste? But it's our go-to comfort viewing. I'm currently trudging through the ITV Marples and they are just not up to snuff.

No Marple is ever likely to hold a candle to the late, great Joan Hickson.  And don't get me started on Kenneth Branagh's murdering of Poirot.  Harrumph.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2277 on: November 23, 2020, 08:11:44 AM »
Imma, you are such a late bloomer. Your auntie must be soooo disappointed...

She has solid priorities! That's MMM marrying material! ;)

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2278 on: November 23, 2020, 10:36:59 AM »
What I donít get is that people would publicize updates to their will and who is/isnít in it this go-round. Sounds extremely manipulative to me.

It IS manipulative.  That's the exact point of doing it.

Yes, my aunt always used to inform us that so-and-so was out of the will because he did this thing, so we should make sure we never do this thing because that would mean we were going to be out of the will and we weren't going to get The Inheritance. The way she talkes about it you may think it's a multi million trust fund, but it's a bog standard terraced house that still has a mortgage and her china from the 1980s.

She used to teach me valuable life lessons like how you should set aside 10% of your earnings to invest in jewelry, that no one has ever gotten a job through networking and that I will probably end up on my own because I didn't go steady with anyone during highschool and always look like a mess. And then came "at your age I was married already!". I first met Mr Imma at the ripe old age of 22 and didn't "go steady" with him until I was 23! The horror. Instead of investing in jewelry I became a home owner at 24. I'm 30 now and just bought my first set of china and my first piece of real (vintage) jewelry this year. Still look like a mess, so I made sure to find a guy who doesn't like make-up and nailpolish and things like that.

I wonder if it is a generations thing. From a generation that has seen wars it would not be such a stupid advice. Jewelries are easy to take with you if you have to flee or are possible to use to buy necessities if money loose the value due to inflation. Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective. Americans seems more conservative and get married early. Two generations ago you got married early or when someone got pregnant by mistake. Here, many get a couple of kids first and then they might get married after living together for many years. You rarely see people getting married in their 20ies if they donít have a foreign background.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2279 on: November 23, 2020, 10:45:55 AM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2280 on: November 23, 2020, 11:15:44 AM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

That is why I wrote in todays sense. Networking in the meaning of going to networks events, lunches or conferences with the purpose of getting a job or business but if I look up the word in a english dictionary it can be for both professional and social reasons. I would skip a lot of events if it would not be a part of being in the business as I do. I donít meet my friends for ĒnetworkingĒ and I donít see it as networking to help a buddy or a family member get a job but maybe it is a language difference.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2281 on: November 23, 2020, 11:34:40 AM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

That is why I wrote in todays sense. Networking in the meaning of going to networks events, lunches or conferences with the purpose of getting a job or business but if I look up the word in a english dictionary it can be for both professional and social reasons. I would skip a lot of events if it would not be a part of being in the business as I do. I donít meet my friends for ĒnetworkingĒ and I donít see it as networking to help a buddy or a family member get a job but maybe it is a language difference.

You mean conferences like this:

"https://1tomplumber.com/best-plumbing-trade-shows-in-2020/"

Lead paragraph from the site:

"Whether you own a plumbing business or aspire to one day, plumbing trade shows help you stay up to date with the greatest trends and technology in the industry. Creating a better customer experience through new tools, supplies, and networking with others will give you a leg up on the competition. Hereís our recommendation of the top ten plumbing trade shows to attend in 2020!"

I've met tradespeople coming to REIA (Real Estate Investors Association) meetings to meet and network with the investors.   

I suspect it's just not on your radar screen.


Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2282 on: November 23, 2020, 01:14:14 PM »

Networking in todays sense didnít exist at least in the working classes. The same with marriage at least from a more european perspective.

I don't know where you got that idea.   Gobs of working class people have helped a buddy get a job.

That is why I wrote in todays sense. Networking in the meaning of going to networks events, lunches or conferences with the purpose of getting a job or business but if I look up the word in a english dictionary it can be for both professional and social reasons. I would skip a lot of events if it would not be a part of being in the business as I do. I donít meet my friends for ĒnetworkingĒ and I donít see it as networking to help a buddy or a family member get a job but maybe it is a language difference.

You mean conferences like this:

"https://1tomplumber.com/best-plumbing-trade-shows-in-2020/"

Lead paragraph from the site:

"Whether you own a plumbing business or aspire to one day, plumbing trade shows help you stay up to date with the greatest trends and technology in the industry. Creating a better customer experience through new tools, supplies, and networking with others will give you a leg up on the competition. Hereís our recommendation of the top ten plumbing trade shows to attend in 2020!"

I've met tradespeople coming to REIA (Real Estate Investors Association) meetings to meet and network with the investors.   

I suspect it's just not on your radar screen.

I did presume that Immas aunt was elderly based on her advice, which might be wrong. Trade shows have existed for a long time but a generation or two ago it was not that many workers that visited those.  I come across a lot of industrial history in my work and trade shows seemed to be something for owners, management and salespeople, not blue collar workers. I agree, that is is a different situation today.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2283 on: November 23, 2020, 01:50:08 PM »
@Plina it's true that my aunt is from a totally different background/generation, but so are my parents and other aunts and uncles and they're not this oldfashioned. They are all Boomers and born in the 50s. It's certainly true that generation married young, but the funny thing is, that generation seems to think early marriage was the norm since the dawn of time, and actually it wasn't. At least in my country. Early marriage (average age below 25) started in the post-war period and lasted until the early 80s. Before the war people had to save up a long time to buy a house, after the war a lot of cheap council homes were built that were affordable for young couples. My parents married at 20, way earlier than their own parents (who were late 20s to late 30s). In hindsight, my own parents knew they had married way too young, so they never pushed us. My aunt had her trousseau ready before she even met her future husband and that was considered old-fashioned in the 70s too. My mother didn't start buying towels and sheets until her engagement, which was considered a bit late back then.

My family doesn't have a refugee background and no one ever bought "real" jewelry, I guess that rule of thumb is more to impress the neighbours rather than something you could easily take with you. I know in the generation of my great-grandparents in the early 20th century people bought gold coins and kept them in a safe because they didn't trust banks. Before her marriage my aunt only worked on Saturday mornings so I doubt 10% of that could buy anything valuable.

As for the networking thing, I didn't really mean the networking events. I don't have to go there (thankfully!). To me it means keeping in touch with people in my field in an informal way. The reason why we even talked about this in the first place is because at the time my job was ending, so I casually said I was going to call around for a bit. That started a "networking doesn't work" rant that lasted months. In the mean time, I actually got a job due to my network (a place where I'd covered a maternity leave wanted me back). And my uncle is an extremely skilled tradesman who has always gotten jobs through his network. He's known to be the best at what he does in our hometown and he knows and talks to everyone, and that's why people call him to offer him jobs. That sounds quite a lot like networking! He can only read and write up to primary school level so I'm glad he has a huge existing network and doesn't have to write job applications.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2284 on: November 23, 2020, 02:38:43 PM »
@Imma Your aunt is really old fashioned. My parents are born in 50s but your aunt sounded a lot older. I donít think we have the same pattern but I donít have statistics. I know that my grandparents, that were young during the second world war got married young but rented a place for several years. My parents got married at 33 after three kids so there has been no push for marriage. The push has been more for grandkids during these last years. No partner necessarly needed.

The funny thing about trousseau is that me and my siblings had a ĒtrosseauĒ ready when we moved away from home at 16. We had a complete kitchen, towels and sheets when we moved out. Sometimes it has been quite annoying. Now, for the first time after almost 25 years away I have choosen the sheets that I want to have. It tooks that long to use all those I got before I moved away from home.

Maybe, you can separate between more intentional networking that you seem to do and what I view as networking and unintentional. My father is similar to your uncle but he would never talk about networking but he does it unintentionally as he has an interest in people that I donít have.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2285 on: November 23, 2020, 03:14:35 PM »
I had a trousseau too at that age! Not with fine china for 12 people like my aunt but I really wanted to move out, so any time someone got rid of something, or when you could collect trading stamps for something I would ask people for that.( I googled that term, I hope that's the correct term - the kind of stamps you get with every X amount spent in a store that you can exchange for household goods. ) I collected it in a box under my bed. I still have almost all of it - the towels and the knives and the mug I got as a Christmas present at my first job. Only the pots and pans turned out to be not great quality and I threw out the last one a few weeks ago.

In the 50s the average age for a woman to get married was 27 in here. That dropped to around 23 in the 70s and 80s and now we're at 30 or something. I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo. Our parents are apparantly of a similar age but it sounds like yours were a few decades ahead of mine! My friend's parents had to get married when her mum's landlady caught her dad sneaking in at night and called mum's parents! That was probably during the early 80s. Things changed quickly in the 90s.

My parents and in-laws are pushing for grandchildren too but it looks like that's not going to happen on either side of the family. It makes me kind of sad that even if one of our siblings were to have children, those kids won't experience family life like I did. It wasn't always great, there was lots of drama, but there were lots of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, people you were somehow related to but you didn't actually know how exactly. Everyone's door was always open. There are only a handful of family members left now.

economista

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2286 on: November 24, 2020, 07:31:25 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2020, 07:36:53 AM by economista »

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2287 on: November 24, 2020, 09:31:59 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

Psychstache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2288 on: November 24, 2020, 11:12:03 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

Or there is a baby coming in 6-7 months.

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2289 on: November 24, 2020, 11:25:13 AM »
I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

Or there is a baby coming in 6-7 months.

True.  Though I've seen a trend against getting married just because there's a baby on the way.  Which isn't a bad thing, IMO. 



At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

iluvzbeach

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2290 on: November 24, 2020, 11:40:55 AM »
My, now deceased, great grandmother always said ďthe first baby can come at anytime, the rest take nine months.Ē That certainly held true for my family. 😁

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2291 on: November 24, 2020, 12:41:19 PM »
I had a trousseau too at that age! Not with fine china for 12 people like my aunt but I really wanted to move out, so any time someone got rid of something, or when you could collect trading stamps for something I would ask people for that.( I googled that term, I hope that's the correct term - the kind of stamps you get with every X amount spent in a store that you can exchange for household goods. ) I collected it in a box under my bed. I still have almost all of it - the towels and the knives and the mug I got as a Christmas present at my first job. Only the pots and pans turned out to be not great quality and I threw out the last one a few weeks ago.

In the 50s the average age for a woman to get married was 27 in here. That dropped to around 23 in the 70s and 80s and now we're at 30 or something. I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo. Our parents are apparantly of a similar age but it sounds like yours were a few decades ahead of mine! My friend's parents had to get married when her mum's landlady caught her dad sneaking in at night and called mum's parents! That was probably during the early 80s. Things changed quickly in the 90s.

My parents and in-laws are pushing for grandchildren too but it looks like that's not going to happen on either side of the family. It makes me kind of sad that even if one of our siblings were to have children, those kids won't experience family life like I did. It wasn't always great, there was lots of drama, but there were lots of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, people you were somehow related to but you didn't actually know how exactly. Everyone's door was always open. There are only a handful of family members left now.

I got my things over several christmases. I think that is pretty common here that relatives buy two plates, someone buys glasses etc. I got quality stuff so most of the stuff is still in use.

I had to look at the statistics. In 1871 the year of first marriage was for male 29,3 years and for women 27,8 years. It was around that age until the  the end of the second world war when it started to decline. So same pattern as in your country. The lowest age was reached in 1966 when the men was in average 25,9 years and the women 23,3 years. We had a bump in 1989 in the age curve as there was a change in the pension system so many "older" couples  (33 years) got married to benefit from the possibility to get survivors pension for widows. Many of my parents friends got married then as well as my parents. In 2018 the average age was 36,3 for the men and 33,9 years for the women.

I have sometimes jokingly said to my parents, that I am an illegitimate child after seeing it in some American TV-show, which prompted my mother to ask if I have seen it as a problem. It has never been an issue because if I looked at others in my generation they had parents that were not married. So yes, the society in the 70-80ies were a lot more liberal here than in your country. I think many view marriage as a piece of paper that makes inheritance easier and a possibility to throw a big party.

I think the loss of family feeling is sad. My maternal grandmother died a year ago and my grandfather is having health problems. Their place has always been the gathering place, were you saw your aunts, uncle and cousins for different occasions. When my grandfather passes away sometimes in the future, there will be no such place anymore as we are spread across two countries.

I think my country remained conservative for a long time - in my parents' youth, pre-marital sex, let alone living together before marriage, were taboo.

This is still the case in parts of the US. When Mr E and I moved in together before we got married (we were engaged but not married yet) we were no longer welcome at some family gatherings because we were a "bad example." It caused quite a lot of stress and heartache and my relationship with that part of the family will never be the same again.

ETA: In my family and with most of the community I grew up in getting married young is still the case as well. My grandparents got married at 18 & 21, my parents got married at 17 & 18, and then I got married at 28. My family members couldn't figure out why I wan't getting married. When I got pregnant for the first time at 29 I got lots of comments about being so OLD to be a parent, and then when I got pregnant again at 30 there was honest to goodness shock because they thought I had waited so late to get started that I would only have 1. All of my cousins/aunts/etc all had their first child before 22. I should also point out that I'm the first and still one of the only people in my family to have a college degree, and in that community it is very rare for someone to go to college.

Yeah, I'm in the Bible belt and weddings during the summer following HS graduation aren't *that* uncommon.  It's usually either because one, or both, are joining the military or that they want to have sex without sinning.

I think my parents would have been really opposed towards a marriage after high school even if there had been babies involved. They would have been totally ok with the baby, I have learned later. In smaller towns as the one that I went in high school, you would get children younger but before 22 would be considered as a malfunction with birth control. According to statistics the average age for first time parents is 29,6 years for women and 31,8 for men. Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2292 on: November 24, 2020, 01:00:44 PM »
I'm always surprised that so many people don't have their affairs in order. A lot of people really don't want to face their own mortality. Recently we found out that something like that happened in our family too - and that person was a mentally sharp 90-something. Even they had not seen death coming.

I have a law degree and whenever close friends go through a major life event I always inquire whether they've talked things through with a legal professional. I always say something like "I don't want to be rude, and I certainly don't want to know the details, but my professional experience is that it's important that you talk about your situation together to make sure you're on the same page about things and whether your paperwork reflects your wishes".

More than one couple actually came back to thank me about that, because they found out things they didn't know. Like that one person who bought a house with a relative, very similar to the situation described in this thread, relative moved out, new spouse moves in - my acquintance had absolutely no idea the relative was still on the deed and not the husband. They figured marriage would take care of that "because you get told you need to get married to get your affairs in order". Other fairly common things I've encountered in my work are life insurance policies benefitting an ex instead of a current partner, a new mortgage on a home one person owned before marriage that's on both names but the property is still in one name and outdated wills.

A very painful situation happened in my family not too long ago - my cousin, in her 30s, had a long-term partner in his 50s with adult kids from a previous marriage. Cousin and him had been together for years and had a family but wanted to wait with marriage until their kids were a bit older so they could share in the happy day. Waiting with marriage until the kids are older and have a family celebration has become quite common in our country, but in our jurisdiction there are several forms of civil partnership they could have chosen instead to get their affairs in order. But they didn't think that was necessary. Well, he had a heart attack and died and he left the house that he had owned for years before they met to his adult kids and his life insurance too. And I think his pension went to his ex. Legally you can't disinherit your kids so they went to court and his young children got a share too, but the adult kids owned most of it so they forced a sale. That sale generated some funds but it belongs to the kids, mum can't use it to buy a new home. They've all lived with her parents ever since.

I thought the same thing happened with my Dad. he passed away this year unexpectedly just shy of 88. Whenever we broached the topic of a will or getting affairs in orders he said that he had "taken care of it" and "don't worry about it." He passed unexpectedly. He did have my little brother on the two main accounts but there was not enough to cover funeral expenses. So we paid the bills and assumed we each would be on the hook for around 4K each. We were puzzled because he seemed so emphatic he had taken care of it. Anyways maybe a month later my sister going through the files and paperwork found a sealed envelope addressed to us. Between that and selling his car paid off the funeral expenses and gave each of us around 500. So he HAD planned it. Just that we almost didn't find it, and the whole process (especially trying to figure out what his wishes were and have it happen in a short period of time) was unnecessarily nerve wracking and stressful.  At the same time he lived very simply; unlike the horror stories here there was just an apartment with minimalistic furnishings (most of which is in my brother's garage). Every time I think of buying something for someone, I now think, who is going to have to deal with this after the person is gone? It just becomes junk at that point.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2020, 01:09:21 PM by partgypsy »

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2293 on: November 24, 2020, 01:10:00 PM »
Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

It depends on whether the parents agree.

In California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, West Virginia and New Mexico there is no lower age limit, provided at least one parent or guardian consents.

There are several states that have low minimum ages. The lowest is in Massachusetts, where boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 can be married when the parents consent and the judge goes along with it. That dates back to English civil law; it doesn't appear that they got around to changing it. Massachusetts marriages do not emancipate the minor, but marriages in other states do.

In Hawaii, Kansas, Maryland, and Utah the minimum age of marriage is 15. In Mississippi it's 15 for females but 17 for males. Most states have a minimum age of 16 or 17. At age 18 it's no longer an underage marriage in most states... meaning parental consent is not required.

So yes, it's legal to marry 12-year-old females in Boston, provided the consent of at least one parent or guardian can be had and the judge goes along with it.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2294 on: November 24, 2020, 01:33:10 PM »
I'm always surprised that so many people don't have their affairs in order. A lot of people really don't want to face their own mortality. Recently we found out that something like that happened in our family too - and that person was a mentally sharp 90-something. Even they had not seen death coming.

I have a law degree and whenever close friends go through a major life event I always inquire whether they've talked things through with a legal professional. I always say something like "I don't want to be rude, and I certainly don't want to know the details, but my professional experience is that it's important that you talk about your situation together to make sure you're on the same page about things and whether your paperwork reflects your wishes".

More than one couple actually came back to thank me about that, because they found out things they didn't know. Like that one person who bought a house with a relative, very similar to the situation described in this thread, relative moved out, new spouse moves in - my acquintance had absolutely no idea the relative was still on the deed and not the husband. They figured marriage would take care of that "because you get told you need to get married to get your affairs in order". Other fairly common things I've encountered in my work are life insurance policies benefitting an ex instead of a current partner, a new mortgage on a home one person owned before marriage that's on both names but the property is still in one name and outdated wills.

A very painful situation happened in my family not too long ago - my cousin, in her 30s, had a long-term partner in his 50s with adult kids from a previous marriage. Cousin and him had been together for years and had a family but wanted to wait with marriage until their kids were a bit older so they could share in the happy day. Waiting with marriage until the kids are older and have a family celebration has become quite common in our country, but in our jurisdiction there are several forms of civil partnership they could have chosen instead to get their affairs in order. But they didn't think that was necessary. Well, he had a heart attack and died and he left the house that he had owned for years before they met to his adult kids and his life insurance too. And I think his pension went to his ex. Legally you can't disinherit your kids so they went to court and his young children got a share too, but the adult kids owned most of it so they forced a sale. That sale generated some funds but it belongs to the kids, mum can't use it to buy a new home. They've all lived with her parents ever since.

I thought the same thing happened with my Dad. he passed away this year unexpectedly just shy of 88. Whenever we broached the topic of a will or getting affairs in orders he said that he had "taken care of it" and "don't worry about it." He passed unexpectedly. He did have my little brother on the two main accounts but there was not enough to cover funeral expenses. So we paid the bills and assumed we each would be on the hook for around 4K each. We were puzzled because he seemed so emphatic he had taken care of it. Anyways maybe a month later my sister going through the files and paperwork found a sealed envelope addressed to us. Between that and selling his car paid off the funeral expenses and gave each of us around 500. So he HAD planned it. Just that we almost didn't find it, and the whole process (especially trying to figure out what his wishes were and have it happen in a short period of time) was unnecessarily nerve wracking and stressful.  At the same time he lived very simply; unlike the horror stories here there was just an apartment with minimalistic furnishings (most of which is in my brother's garage). Every time I think of buying something for someone, I now think, who is going to have to deal with this after the person is gone? It just becomes junk at that point.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope what you had planned for him turned out to be what he wanted.

My mum recently called all of her kids to announce she had figured out where she wanted to be buried. Some of us were shocked since she's only 60 but I'm very glad she has been so explicit. Should the worst happen we'll know what to do.

@TheGrimSqueaker that's quite shocking actually! Until a few years ago, teenagers between 16 and 18 could get married in my country with parental consent, but now you always need permission from a judge if you're underage. I think that's a good development. There are too many stories of children pressured into marriage by their parents due to pregnancy. Now a judge can say no if they think one party doesn't really want to get married. I think permission is usually granted in case of pregnancy or when the bride or groom is terminally ill. Pregnancy is the only way to get permission to marry under the age of 16.

Plina

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2295 on: November 24, 2020, 02:27:30 PM »
Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

It depends on whether the parents agree.

In California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, West Virginia and New Mexico there is no lower age limit, provided at least one parent or guardian consents.

There are several states that have low minimum ages. The lowest is in Massachusetts, where boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 can be married when the parents consent and the judge goes along with it. That dates back to English civil law; it doesn't appear that they got around to changing it. Massachusetts marriages do not emancipate the minor, but marriages in other states do.

In Hawaii, Kansas, Maryland, and Utah the minimum age of marriage is 15. In Mississippi it's 15 for females but 17 for males. Most states have a minimum age of 16 or 17. At age 18 it's no longer an underage marriage in most states... meaning parental consent is not required.

So yes, it's legal to marry 12-year-old females in Boston, provided the consent of at least one parent or guardian can be had and the judge goes along with it.

You learn so many different things in this forum.

Personally, I can't understand why you would want to marry your child under any circumstances. Since last year, we don't actually recognize child marriages under any circumstances. The law is made to prevent immigrants marrying off their children when they are on visit in their previous home countries. It is illegal to force your kid abroad to get married.

Kitsunegari

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2296 on: November 24, 2020, 07:56:17 PM »
Can you get married before 18? Here, it would require a special license, that is really hard to obtain.

It depends on whether the parents agree.

In California, Maine, Washington, Idaho, West Virginia and New Mexico there is no lower age limit, provided at least one parent or guardian consents.

There are several states that have low minimum ages. The lowest is in Massachusetts, where boys as young as 14 and girls as young as 12 can be married when the parents consent and the judge goes along with it. That dates back to English civil law; it doesn't appear that they got around to changing it. Massachusetts marriages do not emancipate the minor, but marriages in other states do.

In Hawaii, Kansas, Maryland, and Utah the minimum age of marriage is 15. In Mississippi it's 15 for females but 17 for males. Most states have a minimum age of 16 or 17. At age 18 it's no longer an underage marriage in most states... meaning parental consent is not required.

So yes, it's legal to marry 12-year-old females in Boston, provided the consent of at least one parent or guardian can be had and the judge goes along with it.

I'm looking it up and seems the 12 years of age is somewhat "advised" by common law, but not enforceable (in California at least), so a judge could theoretically give their nulla osta to someone wanting to marry a child under that age, if the child's guardians are allowing it?
« Last Edit: November 24, 2020, 08:00:48 PM by Kitsunegari »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2297 on: November 25, 2020, 05:59:58 AM »
Since we are on age of marriage, in Canada it is the age of majority in your province, so 18/19.  You can get married at 16 with parental/court consent.  Average age of first marriage is late 20s/early 30s (old data). Lots live together first which partly pushes age of marriage up.

shelivesthedream

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2298 on: November 25, 2020, 09:05:47 AM »
At some point, my son is going to realize that he was born 5.5 months after my husband and I got married.

You might want to talk to him about that. I realised that at some point about my parents and it was actually a really sucky thing to realise. I never talked to them about it, but I always wondered if maybe they never really wanted to get married but "had to" because I was on the way and so I trapped them into a marriage they never wanted. They had a tiny lunchtime wedding and there is only one photo. Is it because they're not showy people or because it was a bit of a rush? I mean, I'm highly over-dramatising things here, but I was a histrionic child with not very emotionally open parents and found it an unpleasant discovery when I was little.

Not that you need to have A Talk, but you might want to mention that it happens sometimes and it's OK.

20957

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2299 on: November 25, 2020, 10:54:16 AM »
Yeah. I had a friend in high school who was really sensitive about the fact that he was "illegitimate" (he used a different word). This despite the fact that his parents had later married and were still together. And none of us cared or even would have known if he hadn't brought it up. I suspect his marriage at 19 was related to that...