Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 895402 times)

UpNAtom

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2250 on: September 22, 2020, 12:59:28 PM »
Thank goodness my parents have decided to declutter and sell the house. That was shaping up to be the biggest mess for an estate. Accounts already have beneficiaries to bypass probate. There are unopened boxes in the basement from my Dad's random stuff dating back from the 1970s - ones he packed up for a move 30 years ago, and never opened again.

Had the talk with my parents where they basically said: we don't have much but you can have the house and everything in it.

I had to sadly inform them that I do not live anywhere near them (sadly will sell the house) and that since I would drive up, take whatever made sense and put it in the car (keepsakes and items they specifically tell me where they are), but absolutely everything else would be auctioned/sold off. 

I have no use for 2 extra vehicles, 2 others that "will get repaired at some point", boxes that have not been unpacked in over 20 years (but have moved multiple times), and every other knickknack.  This is a 3 story house with a separate 3 bay garage (the garage can't fit either of the working vehicles...nor at least one of the non-functional ones) - the house was purchased AFTER us kids were out.

I did tell them that I would be too upset at their loss to want to even begin trying to deal with going through everything and planning a funeral... and that any money that was left over after debts would go towards working less and the grandchild(ren).

scottish

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2251 on: September 22, 2020, 03:28:29 PM »
My BIL wanted $750-$800/hour in executor fees for my parents estate. He thought fees of 120K for about 150 hours of work was appropriate. Said that if we didn't agree he would not allow our sister to see us. We obviously didn't agree to that and it created quite a division between him and my sister and my other siblings and I. Turns out he had a gambling addiction, gambled away my sisters portion of the estate and wanted more. She has since left him. It was a really sad way to treat our parents legacy as they had lived a very MMM lifestyle to retire early and leave an estate for my siblings.

Lesson for me from that was make sure that executor fees are agreed to up front. We trusted that he was doing it for our parents and the family, we all considered him a close friend until this happened.

Very gross.

My estate instructions (specifically in care of the kids until the youngest is 25) state that the executor gets $5,000 a year for the first 5 years, then $7500 for the next 5 years, and $10,000 for the next 5 years. It also states that year 1 is paid in full, even if it starts on 12/31, and so year 2 would be paid the very next day, and that the last year is paid in full, even though the youngest will turn 25 in mid-year.

Funds are held in a Vanguard fund as proposed in the JL Collins Series.

Taxes are to be filed by my current CPA.

Monthly payments of XXXX paid to guardian, extra XXXX for vacation, visiting specific relatives is allowed and those relatives are to be given XXXX for the visit. College funds are for in-state tuition only, so if they go to private school, they must find the other money. If child does not go to college but works for 4 years, then equivalent funds will be paid over 4 years (same for if they get full scholarships or use the GI Bill).

There's more, but the main thing is no ambiguity, no confusion.

Wow.    Where did you find someone who would agree to a 15 year commitment like that?   

I'm executor for my mother and joint for my dad.    They had a substantial estate, but we intend to have it wound up by 3 years.      Of course, there are no children to look after...

For guardianship, the first person I asked realized he couldn't after initially saying yes. The next couple thoughtlessly said yes and then when I sent them the estate instructions, they were very surprised that there was so much to consider that had already been thought of ahead of time. They divorced and now I'm on to my 3rd choice.

This is over the course of about 10 years now, and the odds of me dying before these kids reach 25 is getting slimmer by the day.

For the estate management, a very old friend who does high-level admin work agreed to it. If he is unable, I'll ask a friend who has also acted as my attorney.

Along the way, though, getting people to initially read the estate instructions was a bit of a challenge. One guardian said, 'I didn't think it mattered,' to which I had to explain it was the very instructions they'd be held to, to care for 4 kids, and if they object to anything, they need to say so, because if I'm dead, it's set.

That's the thing.   If you get a family member or close friend to be trustee, then they're bound by the terms of the trust and they have a civil liability to the beneficiaries if they fail to meet those terms.   If you pay a professional, they take a pretty big piece of the action.


Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2252 on: October 09, 2020, 09:14:45 AM »
Back in 2011, a work acquaintance got fired.  A few weeks later, I messaged her on FB to see how she was doing.  Little did I know what sort of drama this simple act of compassion would bring. ...

This is so juicy that it almost needs its own ongoing thread. Wow. Just wow. You went above and beyond in multiple ways. Glad that you're not jumping on that sinking ship. Yikes.

Spending through $300K in a couple of years. OUCH!

I had visions how easy it would be to have a $5K car purchased with cash, a small tidy cottage owned outright, and a healthy investment account accruing interest.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2253 on: October 12, 2020, 10:27:43 AM »
I had to sadly inform them that I do not live anywhere near them (sadly will sell the house) and that since I would drive up, take whatever made sense and put it in the car (keepsakes and items they specifically tell me where they are), but absolutely everything else would be auctioned/sold off. 

I have no use for 2 extra vehicles, 2 others that "will get repaired at some point", boxes that have not been unpacked in over 20 years (but have moved multiple times), and every other knickknack.  This is a 3 story house with a separate 3 bay garage (the garage can't fit either of the working vehicles...nor at least one of the non-functional ones) - the house was purchased AFTER us kids were out.

To my parents' credit they did try to declutter and got some pretty large items out such as the old upright piano, camper trailer, and old VW Super Beetle, however as they got older they pretty much abandoned the effort.    But back during that time, my mother told me of how she was nagging Dad to "get rid of things because we can't leave this all for the kids".    I remember advising her to keep doing that because honestly (and I said this very kindly, offering to help but was declined) none of us would be able to take all of this stuff on and we would probably sell or auction it off. 

Capsu78

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2254 on: October 12, 2020, 03:12:30 PM »
DW mom died in 2008.  Last week, we received a box from her sister containing the last of her parents remaining items.  I was initially "irritated" as we decluttered a couple years back when we moved.   But as I looked at the stuff, I realized this was the stuff her mom put the highest "love" priority on.  A couple of letters from her husband while he was "on government business" kicking the Hun's ass (his words!).  A set of books from the 1920's and 30's that her Mom had been given and used in her first classroom as a young teacher. 
Some strange stuff like the obituary for Bing Crosby in 1977 to which I said "Why?"... Turns out my wife's dad got to see Bing entertain the troops in October of 1944, about 8 weeks before living through the Battle of the Bulge.   His 3 day pass in July 1943 which he used to get married to my wifes mom before he shipped off to Italy, then England, France, Belgium and crossing the Rhine.
Anyway, the items in the box "bring us joy" as the little Japanese declutter girl says, so probably won't be pitching much of this stuff...Just need to find a grandkid to develop an interest in the family history.
Moral of story????  2008-2020 and we have finally finished the process of decluttering the deceased parents stuff.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2255 on: October 14, 2020, 02:21:32 PM »
DW's parents want help cleaning out their storage room. Boxes and boxes of knick-knacks mostly. Great!

I offered several years back to get it done but that meant the inlaws going away for a few hours, me loading it up and hauling it to Goodwill - not sorting it.  I got a bit of evil eye for it. ;)

Yeah, it needs a little sorting for safety and privacy. They want to do it now - during a pandemic - and they are in the high risk categories in a rising case state.
DW and I are both working in public facing jobs. Not feeling like this is a safe time for them? I think they mostly want a visit. As do my parents.

The holidays are going to be hard this year for everyone.

frugalecon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2256 on: October 14, 2020, 04:10:53 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

Mighty Eyebrows

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2257 on: October 14, 2020, 08:25:49 PM »
I just want to say thank-you to everyone for sharing their stories. I started reading this thread a while back and was not sure what to expect, but I think it is highly therapeutic for anyone who has a somewhat unpredictable family. Almost every family has some craziness and seeing how others have dealt with it tends to take some of the pain out of the process. We all feel that our problems are unique and, while they are somewhat unique, many people have seen variations on the theme.

Unfortunately I cannot share my own stories in any detail, but just a few suggestions (mostly stated before):

1) Plan your estate and discuss it with your kids.

2) It is better to give with a warm hand...

3) Make sure your parents have planned well and if they haven't, prepare yourself as best you can.

4) Don't be afraid to cut off a crazy family member. Sanity is more important than blood.


Sibley

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2258 on: October 17, 2020, 05:08:15 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

FYI, you can refuse to take responsibility.

TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2259 on: October 17, 2020, 06:49:19 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

FYI, you can refuse to take responsibility.

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AMandM

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2260 on: October 17, 2020, 07:06:43 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

frugalecon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2261 on: October 17, 2020, 08:16:56 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

My main concern is that the heirs, including my spouse, are as indecisive and disorganized as my FIL. But I appreciate the perspective above that i can just try to disengage when it happens.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2262 on: October 17, 2020, 08:22:30 PM »
Reading this thread, I really worry about the mess when my FIL passes. He is late 80s, willfully intestate ("When I die, it's going to be a big mess for all of you, and you will just have to deal with it."), a large home property with multiple garages and storage buildings filled to the rafters with junk, a house that has 30 years of deferred maintenance, a vacant apartment building that could have gone up in a fire that, unfortunately, was doused before it was burned down, but which left it uninhabitable, and another house that SIL is living in, which FIL should deed to her, but hasn't. Someone is going to spend years dealing with the estate, which is in California. I wonder how much will be lost in the probate process.

OMG, are they ditherers?    A group of ditherers in charge is hell on earth to me.

If the people whom California law designates as the heirs all get along, I'm not sure this needs to be a mess worth worrying about. Sell everything, divide the proceeds. If the heirs tell the executor to prioritize speed over maximum gain, does it really have to take years?

My main concern is that the heirs, including my spouse, are as indecisive and disorganized as my FIL. But I appreciate the perspective above that i can just try to disengage when it happens.