Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 891183 times)

Jakejake

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1850 on: August 19, 2019, 02:53:35 PM »
This article might help her figure out how to do it on her own. Follow it to the end (the article, not the thread). I promise it's relevant.

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/mustachianism-around-the-web/japanese-woman-retires-at-34-after-living-on-$2-a-day-for-16-years/msg2441886/#msg2441886

A couple of years ago, we actually sifted through thousands of charitable asks for an elderly friend who was inundated. So many times, I wanted to scream at people, "What's wrong with working to achieve your dream instead of mooching off of others?!?!"
I'm sure my sister would love to have a cat cafe, but I've given up on talking to her about money. Even as she was going through a bankruptcy, I couldn't convince her to just do something as simple as pack a lunch for work. "But I neeeeed to leave to go to a restaurant every day, if I eat at my desk people will keep stopping by asking me to do work related stuff and I really need the break!"

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1851 on: August 19, 2019, 03:37:46 PM »
^That's exactly why I used to go for a run during lunch . . . to get away from work requests. I'd come back, shower, and eat my brown bag lunch at my desk.

But I doubt it would matter what you say to her, because people can rationalize anything. I mean, she is rationalizing stealing money from your Mom to feed her hoarded cats, and she wants to to sign off on her nefarious plan so she can later say "but I asked Jake, and he thought it was a good idea!" It just doesn't get any worse than that, so she is hopeless and you have my sympathy.

TVRodriguez

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1852 on: August 20, 2019, 10:07:09 AM »
A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

Real friends don't let their friends do something that stupid without giving them a heart-to-heart talk first.

Your friend will probably do the stupid thing anyway, but (a) at least you tried and (b) they'll be less likely to hit you up for sympathy or money when the train wreck happens.  Either way, it's a win.

We used to be closer, but we've drifted apart a bit.  I used to try to show her how to do things cheaper, like baking your own bread, for example, which she took a shine to.  Then the next time I saw her she was doing some special diet that cost $$$ per week.  I can still be friendly with her but it's tough to witness sometimes.

frugalecon

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1853 on: August 20, 2019, 10:34:32 AM »
Future Drama:

Childless Uncle-great investor, not spender, stealth wealth extreme.

Several Siblings ( some dead)

~20 siblings kids  (cousins to each other) DW among them. DW is descended from dead Sibling.

Current expectations are "$1M each at the cousin level"

While my estimation, based on conversations with Childless Uncle is at least $5-10M, I very much doubt that things will go smoothly on his passing, no matter what the amount.

DW doubts that there is a will in place. Eeek! 
Well at least we are chubby, maybe Fat-FIRE, so we are not directly affected, but we might have to be involved in the drama.
DW and I only like drama at the remove of TV or movies.

Predictions?

Watch this space for updates.

I have a miserly childless uncle who could definitely have seven figures of wealth, even though he looks like a pauper. I have heard that he laughs about my cousins who butter him up, since he thinks they are doing it to inherit his money. All of which he plans to leave to a charitable organization that he believes in. I have no desire or need to inherit from him or anyone else, so I will just watch from afar.

marion10

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1854 on: August 20, 2019, 10:43:13 AM »
Several years ago we stopped by to visit my husband's  uncle- never married, no kids. Youngest of 9- so lots of nieces and nephews. He asked us if there was anything we particularly wanted. My husband said no- he already had family pictures from his parents. He then told us we were the only relative who stopped by and said we didn't want anything. He told us he was leaving his estate to his church in town and if anyone wanted anything they could bid on it at the auction.

SheWhoWalksAtLunch

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1855 on: August 20, 2019, 11:09:22 AM »
A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

Real friends don't let their friends do something that stupid without giving them a heart-to-heart talk first.

Your friend will probably do the stupid thing anyway, but (a) at least you tried and (b) they'll be less likely to hit you up for sympathy or money when the train wreck happens.  Either way, it's a win.

We used to be closer, but we've drifted apart a bit.  I used to try to show her how to do things cheaper, like baking your own bread, for example, which she took a shine to.  Then the next time I saw her she was doing some special diet that cost $$$ per week.  I can still be friendly with her but it's tough to witness sometimes.

You can expect the friendship to continue to get more distant.  Some people don't want to be helped in any useful way.
 
Sad story: shortly after the DH and I started dating, a good (older) friend of the DH married his girlfriend (hereafter wife #4), in his words, so she would be allowed into the recovery room after an upcoming medical procedure.  Procedure was unsuccessful and friend was given weeks to live. We helped the friend, wife #4 and wife #4's teenage kid from a previous marriage downsize into the friend's mother's basement.  We helped wife #4 and friend's mother with in-home patient care.  We were there for the friend's passing and attended the deeply uncomfortable funeral attended by all four wives. We were also there when wife #4 realized she was going to get nothing - Wife #1 got the military pension (married during military service), wife #2 got the social security (married longest), wife #3 got the bank accounts (will not changed after wife #4's very recent - as in weeks old - marriage to friend).  There was nothing left other than the belongings we'd helped them move into the basement.

DH and I spent the next year trying to help wife #4 get back on her feet, but she wasn't interested in going back to work or making any changes to her spending (formerly financed by friend).  Eventually we helped pack up wife #4's belongings when friend's mother kicked wife #4 out of the basement (for demanding in advance what she expected to get when friend's exceptionally elderly mother died). The last thing wife #4 said to us as she pulled away in the rental truck we loaded full with everything we'd carried back up out of the basement (she left the kid with the kid's dad) was "I'm going to move in with my mother and brother.  They will take care of me." We reached out several times after that to check on wife #4, but when she realized we weren't going to provide any more support (we were't going to fly down just to provide free labor and we weren't sending money) she ghosted us. 

DH and I still hear from wives #1 & #3 occasionally.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1856 on: August 20, 2019, 06:52:17 PM »
I see this with my sister-in-law.

Whenever our families are all together, she insists that my family is late for everything.

It took me a couple of visits to realize that this is because HER husband is late for everything.


Put on a good Gary Cooper drawl, "Well, color me simple, sis, we were here before the scheduled time, and it's YOUR husband who is late."  Smile.   Pause.  "As always.   So why would you claim that WE are late?"

I decided some years ago that I was just plain done with putting up with passive aggressive bullshit.   I have very little tolerance for it.   So I just serve them up a hearty verbal bowl of go fuck yourself soup and present it with a flourish.   Very few try that shit a fourth time. 

I said fourth time because I usually give the first two times a pass, in case they were having a bad day or something.  After that, they're fair game.
(Unless I'm convinced based on prior observation or accounts of how the person acts that they're being shitty on purpose.   Then I don't wait for a second time.)

Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.
« Last Edit: August 20, 2019, 07:05:28 PM by Just Joe »

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1857 on: August 21, 2019, 09:55:07 AM »
Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1858 on: August 21, 2019, 10:11:23 AM »
Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.
When I was single, I was the one who made the trips. When I was working, I used my plentiful windshield time to initiate the phone calls. Now that I'm married and busy...crickets. unless, of course, I pick up the phone or they need a place to stay on the way to or from somewhere else.

mm1970

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1859 on: August 21, 2019, 12:19:10 PM »
A friend's dad died earlier this year.  I didn't handle the estate so I don't know exactly what assets he had, but I had some idea.  He didn't have a huge estate, but it was enough to allow each of his three kids to walk away with somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000.  But my friend, a grown woman with two children, is not good with money.  In fact, during her marriage and after her divorce, her dad regularly gave her money or just paid her bills.  Now my friend was completely devastated by her dad's death, but she is saying things to mutual friends like, "well, at least now I don't have to work."  WTF?  She didn't inherit enough to be FI.  Not the way she spends money.  I just got some photos of her (multiple) international summer travels with her kids. 

I guess it's not really drama but it's like watching a train heading for a wreck.

Real friends don't let their friends do something that stupid without giving them a heart-to-heart talk first.

Your friend will probably do the stupid thing anyway, but (a) at least you tried and (b) they'll be less likely to hit you up for sympathy or money when the train wreck happens.  Either way, it's a win.

We used to be closer, but we've drifted apart a bit.  I used to try to show her how to do things cheaper, like baking your own bread, for example, which she took a shine to.  Then the next time I saw her she was doing some special diet that cost $$$ per week.  I can still be friendly with her but it's tough to witness sometimes.

You can expect the friendship to continue to get more distant.  Some people don't want to be helped in any useful way.
 
Sad story: shortly after the DH and I started dating, a good (older) friend of the DH married his girlfriend (hereafter wife #4), in his words, so she would be allowed into the recovery room after an upcoming medical procedure.  Procedure was unsuccessful and friend was given weeks to live. We helped the friend, wife #4 and wife #4's teenage kid from a previous marriage downsize into the friend's mother's basement.  We helped wife #4 and friend's mother with in-home patient care.  We were there for the friend's passing and attended the deeply uncomfortable funeral attended by all four wives. We were also there when wife #4 realized she was going to get nothing - Wife #1 got the military pension (married during military service), wife #2 got the social security (married longest), wife #3 got the bank accounts (will not changed after wife #4's very recent - as in weeks old - marriage to friend).  There was nothing left other than the belongings we'd helped them move into the basement.

DH and I spent the next year trying to help wife #4 get back on her feet, but she wasn't interested in going back to work or making any changes to her spending (formerly financed by friend).  Eventually we helped pack up wife #4's belongings when friend's mother kicked wife #4 out of the basement (for demanding in advance what she expected to get when friend's exceptionally elderly mother died). The last thing wife #4 said to us as she pulled away in the rental truck we loaded full with everything we'd carried back up out of the basement (she left the kid with the kid's dad) was "I'm going to move in with my mother and brother.  They will take care of me." We reached out several times after that to check on wife #4, but when she realized we weren't going to provide any more support (we were't going to fly down just to provide free labor and we weren't sending money) she ghosted us. 

DH and I still hear from wives #1 & #3 occasionally.
oh boy

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1860 on: August 22, 2019, 04:25:04 AM »
Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.
When I was single, I was the one who made the trips. When I was working, I used my plentiful windshield time to initiate the phone calls. Now that I'm married and busy...crickets. unless, of course, I pick up the phone or they need a place to stay on the way to or from somewhere else.

It's so often like that. We recently got back in touch with a relative with a serious illness - not because they were looking back at their life and regretting being out of touch but because they needed practical support. Now they are recovering we don't hear from them anymore.

My own mother always has it in her head that I'm assertive and independent and don't need help, which is mostly true but I once needed a little practical help l, a one-off thing (I was hospitalized unexpectedly and was gone for a few weeks and food was rotting everywhere in my house and I could barely stand up) and she totally freaked out, I should get my shit together and act like a grownup. My sibling lives around the corner from her and she cleans their apartment every week even when they don't ask "because you don't understand how hard it is to ask for help". Well, I guess I should be happy that my family doesn't think I'm incapable of stuff.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1861 on: August 22, 2019, 06:43:16 PM »
Ahhh, good family fun. We get guilted that we aren't making enough sibling relationship effort and we're late to events. Never mind we're always the ones driving long distances and nobody makes the efforts to visit the family like we do. Road only goes one way too so visits to our house are rare. Like once or twice every twenty years for my sibling.

Yep, can totally relate to this with DH's family.   DH hears how he and his sister aren't close, SIL has never been in our home and has refused all invitations from us, but yet DH is the one not making the effort.  We were the ones driving the distance to the family events.   DH's parents and SIL live a few miles from each other, events were usually at SIL's or MIL/FIL home because that was "convenient" for SIL, it was up to us to make the drive every time.   Eventually SIL/MIL/FIL dumped the responsibility for family events on our niece, who incidentally lives closer to us, but we aren't invited because we are the ones who "don't make the effort" in the convoluted family narrative.
When I was single, I was the one who made the trips. When I was working, I used my plentiful windshield time to initiate the phone calls. Now that I'm married and busy...crickets. unless, of course, I pick up the phone or they need a place to stay on the way to or from somewhere else.

Oh yes - family comes to town, or passes through and can't bother to say hi. DW had an out of town relative come into the SAME workplace building and they didn't make the effort to say hello. Like five minutes of chit-chat. 50 ft detour.  Good gosh!

All hey, how are you in person - its been so long -  when we make the trip to their town. We genuinely enjoy spending time with our families whether it is a quickie visit, a meal or an overnight (usually at one of our parents' homes).

Wow - the stories y'all are telling here are real head shakers. If nothing else I guess it is good to know that people are a challenge all over. On the other hand it's sad to know that people are a challenge all over.
« Last Edit: August 22, 2019, 06:47:39 PM by Just Joe »

Cb1234567

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1862 on: August 28, 2019, 02:44:53 PM »
Wow, an active thread that goes on for 3 years... I'm only on page 12. Leave it to MMM to start this!

I have a story to share about my dad's estate. It's too long, but I don't know what to delete. Dad died suddenly in 2015 at the age of 70, conveniently while I was on a business trip and while my sister (only sibling) still was ensconced in his house - thanks dad!!!  Mom and dad were divorced for many years, and thankfully had moved past the spitting venom phase into over a decade of being friends and sometime companions, but with separate lives otherwise (go parents!! :).

For a bit of background, I should tell you that I live out of state and have a normal, boring life of employment, hobbies, DH, etc. At the time, my sister, affectionately known by my best, childhood friend, as "cray-cray", as in crazy, lived with a boyfriend near my dad's house, never held a job if even worked at all. She had recently been kicked out of my grandma's house, after residing there for 2 years, rent free. It was being sold, and her many possessions ended up in dad's basement, among his own, many more, possessions. [Her exploits at grandma's include such activities as burning candles in all the curtained windows to save on electricity, hanging colorful thongs on the clothesline for all to see, and mowing the lawn only occasionally. And not leaving until she was basically booted out the door by mom and aunt.]

OK, back to dad. I was the Personal Representative (executor). After he died, the immediate family were in his house, trying to find the will with his final instructions. He had a folder labeled "Wills", but it was all the old ones with his edits in red. Sister tells me this (suspiciously) detailed story about how he "tested" her to make sure she knew where all his important papers were, including the will. Hmm. So, there was this bright pink/orange folder that was on the kitchen counter at one point, but now it was gone, and sister said she didn't know what I was talking about. I asked sister about the safety deposit box - she's a signatory on it - and she told me she'd already checked and it was quote "basically empty" (red flag - if it was empty, wouldn't you say so? and if there was something in it, then what?...Dad's wedding ring was never found...who knows??).

I throw up my hands in irritation (so DH tells me, I don't remember because I was freaking out) and say that we're not going to be able to do anything without the Will. DH, mom and I go back to grandma's where we're staying (vacant house, air mattresses...it's about to go on the market for sale). Next, sister shows up at grandma's on that dark and rainy night (truly) and says 'here, I found this', while shoving a fat bright colored folder through the door, and then she leaves. Lo' and behold. Dad's will, all his instructions, forms/info he'd carefully prepared so I'd know what to do (love to dad!!!). The will says everything split 50/50 between my sister and I, executor gets the final say if there's a dispute. Easy-peasy right??? um, no.

OK, to create the estate, I had to go to the county police to get the police report for when he was found deceased in his home to show as proof of death (the Death Certificate was going to take weeks due to an autopsy). Anyway, unpleasant topic, I know. So, I go to the county station, and they think I'm nobody. As in when my sister gave her statement to the police, she neglected to share other next of kin, like his OTHER daughter = ME. DH was there - I've blacked this out I think - and apparently I went into orbit on the poor clerk so they would get a supervisor. Left with certificate and trot over to Register of Wills, which were the best people ever. Amazing.

This could go on for a book, here are some highlights:
- Sister's behavior was so bizarre that I started taking detailed notes of all actions/conversations and took photos of rooms, etc., due to the advice of an attorney friend-of-a-friend (a saint, as far as I'm concerned).

- I asked my sister if she wanted dad's cherry bedroom set, and she declined. I told her I was going to offer it to our mom, since they bought it together way back when. Sister said, that was fine, if mom paid the fair market value for it...and that she knew said value, because she had found the receipts from when they bought it. [i am without words on this one.]

- I swear sister started marking her territory in that house: bras and dirty undies were left strewn about, she'd show up whenever and without notice... mind you I stayed there w/ or w/o DH to do the house clean out, and I'm sure DH has no interest in her undergarments. She took a spiral notebook that was the very last thing dad took his usual stock ticker notes and comments in...and used it to write a list of the bad things I was doing that she'd ask her lawyer about, such as can I force her out of the house. To me, that little yellow notebook should've been sacred - classic D-A-D with goofy humor, a few of his thoughts during the last few days of his life. No respect.

- Dad's house because a huge point of argument. Sister had about 2 months of time to herself in the house, because I had to go home to my JOB. She had no job. The instructions from me were to go through things and get her stuff moved out. There was too much of her stuff to even get to dad's stuff, and dad was a hoarder in the basement and sections of the house. She decides to go to Indiana, in snow season, to traipse between visiting dad's former work friends (he was retired for years).

- Sister tells DH that she should get the house because we already are "well off". Sister says this while DH is shoveling out the driveway, and she rants idly. Oh, you mean because we WORK?!? Seriously. Nope, not happening unless she gets a job (she'd lose the house - too expensive to own, has a mortgage, too many repairs and mom/dad wouldn't want it to get foreclosed on in 2-3 years because she couldn't get her act together). She doesn't get a job (or get her stuff out).

- Many recommended to change locks to protect the estate...I didn't do it, because it seemed dumb at the time...until a threatening incident late one night with a pizza cutter. Rather than fulfill my fantasy of tackling her (I'm the older sister, and we always think we can take out a younger sister ;-) I told her to leave or the police would be called. After repeating myself a bunch of times, the phone was in my hand. She left. Bottom line, locks changed, and now she's got access only between something like 9-5 and weekends, all with advance notice. She lets me know she's coming and doesn't show or is late. 3rd time this happens, I actually wasn't there, because I left to go to the bank or something, so she had to wait. For hours. I seriously think this is the very first time that boundaries and consequences were imposed on her, with no wheedling out of it. It wasn't pretty.

-Funny thing, the neighbor (also a saint in my book) met my DH and let us borrow his small tractor to drag some old mowers/scrap out of the back yard. Neighbor met me for about 5 seconds, and then I went back to clearing out the house. Apparently he says, 'so that's the other sister." The scrap metal guy took a huge trailer's worth out of there and made a killing, I'm sure - he and he partner made over $1000 on it. A bargain, in my mind - get it off the property!! Sister finally has movers come to get what she wants out of the house - I encourage her to take anything she might want...just to get it out of there.

- The bitter end: dad's house. a) It's cleaned out and set straight to look good for a listing. Sister's stuff is gone. Inside fixed up a bit (paint and cleaning both by me, free of charge of course - it's my dad's home). List at about $500K. Sells and will close within a month - victory! That badboy cost thousands a month to keep, not to mention the perpetual headaches of plumbing leaks and pieces of inner tube/clamp repairs, leaking toilet, dead bat in the basement (ewe), mowing. Sister flips out. It's real now, like with a date on it.

b) Sister hires lawyer to send me a letter to delay the closing. The closing!!!! It's threatening, but no real legal action or authority. Says I've not fulfilled my fiduciary responsibility in that the listing was not accurate (example: she felt a 2 car garage was really a 4 car garage... um, maybe if you have SmartCars??), and I had wasted money re-graveling the driveway as an improvement. [Repairs are OK for the estate to preserve the value; improvements are not.] The driveway was re-graveled because it was impassable after the mud/ruts froze from the ambulance and emergency vehicles who came when my dad was found in his home (deceased). Anyway, I call back the lawyer-saint from earlier and he says, 'enh, just do the final clean out and closing; ignore her'. Friday, cleanout begins and sister spends the day moping about the house - that's fine, she's free to mope, I get it, it sucks. 

c) The climax of the cleanout happened on Saturday. DH and I are about half-dead. We've been working on this non-stop, and we leave Sunday afternoon to go back to work Monday - this HAS to be done. So, Saturday, a group of guys shows up to load up supposed "antiques" (more crap - estate nets <$500 for a truckload, but at least it's gone) for auction. DH has the gift of gab, and shows these guys the brilliance of us renting a UHaul and them coming back to load up moldy paper and collapsing bookshelves to burn at the family farm (I kid you not, this is the country :)  . I happily write them a check, with receipt of course for the estate. UHaul rapidly fills with boxes of moldy books from the basement, furniture... Flat-pack saves space, so one guy has the neighbor's tractor and is about to flatten (i.e.crush) a stack of bookshelves with the tractor forks. Sister (classically late) shows up at that moment and sees the activity. Guy looks askance at DH, who gives the signal to drop the forks. Guy drops forks. Shelves are now flat and ready to load in the truck. Sister peels out in a spew of fresh gravel. We don't see her the rest of the weekend, which was a blessing.

Everything was about "the value" of dad's stuff. I'm pretty sure the 4, identical silver or black single bulb walmart lamps dad had were of negligible value. Let me tell you people - most of our stuff has NO VALUE. It costs time and money to get rid of it!!!! Numerous special request trash pickups, getting rid of dozens of old tires, the scrap guy, trips to goodwill (they don't even want dad's things - moldy spots from when he decided not to run the A/C for a summer), trips to the dump...and a very overfilled dumpster. In hindsight, I guess if I never worked, had received constant support from my dad in various ways, and then the source of support dies, I might suddenly become extremely interested in squeezing every penny out of his stuff, too.

--> Fast forward to years later. The estate was closed - sister had received nearly $500K.  Guess she was digging through the paperwork I'd sent her for the estate, and she decided to question my accounting and tax reporting. Nice. Sure, let's call the IRS and get the estate audited for God-knows-what. Dad is dead. I really just didn't want to deal with her anymore, ever. Because I felt sister was just doofus enough to bother the IRS with this, decided to try a diversionary tactic. I tell her to leave it alone, and if she wants to worry about something, she should worry about what mom changed in HER will. [sister hadn't spoken to mom for at least 2 years.]

hahahahaha - Sister miraculously resumed contact with mom. Now she is ensconced in mom's house for probably 12 months out of the last 18, off and on, supposedly looking for work. She's had work now for 6 weeks now. Mom's will is safely in the safety deposit box, which my name is on. It's 50/50 with a few tweaks to try to ensure my sister isn't homeless in her old age. Sad. Get a good lawyer to do your will. I told my mom, that, if she has ANY love for me, please do not die while sister is in her house. Mom laughed. ;-)

Zoot

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1863 on: August 28, 2019, 03:14:32 PM »
I have a story to share about my dad's estate. It's too long, but I don't know what to delete.

This simply has to be THE MOST EPIC FIRST POST ever on the MMM forum.  :)

Thank you for not deleting a single word of this amazing story! 

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1864 on: August 28, 2019, 03:20:30 PM »
I have a story to share about my dad's estate. It's too long, but I don't know what to delete.

This simply has to be THE MOST EPIC FIRST POST ever on the MMM forum.  :)

Thank you for not deleting a single word of this amazing story!

Bless your heart, no one should have to put up with relatives like that.

If you really want your mom to do you a favor, have her hire an executor.  It will cost a couple percent and I'm thinking it would be well worth it.   (Well, maybe from your point of view, but from the point of the person being paid to deal with your sister, it might not be!!)  (If you're in NC I'll be glad to recommend someone.)

bluebelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1865 on: August 28, 2019, 03:32:56 PM »
Wow, an active thread that goes on for 3 years... I'm only on page 12. Leave it to MMM to start this!

I have a story to share about my dad's estate. It's too long, but I don't know what to delete. Dad died suddenly in 2015 at the age of 70, conveniently while I was on a business trip and while my sister (only sibling) still was ensconced in his house - thanks dad!!!  Mom and dad were divorced for many years, and thankfully had moved past the spitting venom phase into over a decade of being friends and sometime companions, but with separate lives otherwise (go parents!! :).
.......
hahahahaha - Sister miraculously resumed contact with mom. Now she is ensconced in mom's house for probably 12 months out of the last 18, off and on, supposedly looking for work. She's had work now for 6 weeks now. Mom's will is safely in the safety deposit box, which my name is on. It's 50/50 with a few tweaks to try to ensure my sister isn't homeless in her old age. Sad. Get a good lawyer to do your will. I told my mom, that, if she has ANY love for me, please do not die while sister is in her house. Mom laughed. ;-)
I'm sorry for your lose....and the horror you had to go through with your sister.....

Cb1234567

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1866 on: August 28, 2019, 07:57:10 PM »
I have a story to share about my dad's estate. It's too long, but I don't know what to delete.

This simply has to be THE MOST EPIC FIRST POST ever on the MMM forum.  :)

Thank you for not deleting a single word of this amazing story!

Bless your heart, no one should have to put up with relatives like that.

If you really want your mom to do you a favor, have her hire an executor.  It will cost a couple percent and I'm thinking it would be well worth it.   (Well, maybe from your point of view, but from the point of the person being paid to deal with your sister, it might not be!!)  (If you're in NC I'll be glad to recommend someone.)

WOW. Just WOW. I am tearing up a bit over here. Thank you so much for validating me/DH (he was right there in it, of course) this hellish experience - especially since you never quite know how things come across in text, online, with strangers.

We don't even have the excuse of sister being on drugs or an alcoholic, this is 100% pure her. This fiasco changed *everything* about how DH and I handle our affairs (I'm early 40s now).

Great advice for mom, and I am telling her of this idea! In the meantime, I'm her executor, BUT she lives in Tennessee. TN requires a lawyer to handle the accounting (if I understand her correctly). I already told her I am just going to hire everything out, from soup-to-nuts. Sister can take what she wants from the house, I'll take a few things and offer to my aunt (mom's sister) and mom's friends, and that's it. My mom even gave me a detailed letter of instruction for what to sell and how, where to donate an antique banjo etc etc. Mom sends me updates from time to time - this is CLASSIC mom, she is a planner :). She had a top lawyer who handles estates for "name" (i.e. wealthy, old-money) families in TN, so I think the bases were covered as well she could without creating a trust.

All I can say is: i wish my mom a long and healthy life. And especially that she lives long enough for my sister to RUN OUT OF DAD'S MONEY - haha. She's got to be close by now, if she's gotten a job (cross the road truck driver, in case you're wondering). You all are great. I'm on page 18 of this thread now and still reading.

RWTL

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1867 on: August 29, 2019, 04:02:12 AM »
After reading this last story, it has motivated me to setup a trust for my kids :)

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1868 on: August 29, 2019, 07:56:21 AM »
After reading this last story, it has motivated me to setup a trust for my kids :)

We set up things so one grandchild, who might or might not settle down, would have a hired trustee instead of a family member to deal with.  If things go bad there's no reason to cause family who have their act together to deal with family who don't.

Cb1234567

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1869 on: September 06, 2019, 12:22:20 PM »
After reading this last story, it has motivated me to setup a trust for my kids :)

We set up things so one grandchild, who might or might not settle down, would have a hired trustee instead of a family member to deal with.  If things go bad there's no reason to cause family who have their act together to deal with family who don't.

Above, both are gifts to your children IMHO. If I remember correctly, my mom’s attorney said to her...so, you want to control the money from beyond the grave... and laughed. (She would not do a trust.) My husband thinks I should just bow out now and tell my mom I don’t want to be her executor. I already tried this once, and she flipped out because then who would do it?!?! I felt awful, so it stands now. :) Again, hopefully she’s with us for many more years - indeed, she seems to have gotten a second wind lately, which is awesome.

On the other side of the family, my in-laws have a different drama coming (DH and I feel so, at least). Mom and dad are divorced, and it is not amicable. Supposedly during the divorce, hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets disappeared - home equity and cash. Fast forward to now...dad denies any existence of such a thing. Mom had account statements up to a point, and then it all “vanished”. Is this any of our business? No, of course not. Except that mom has zero savings and will be left on (his) social security when he dies, since her share of his various pensions will die with him.

So, where is the drama, you ask? If we’re lucky, maybe there will be none. Do you feel lucky? We do not. Dad traveled extensively for his long and lucrative career. Much of that time is in question, since it was later found that the work-related travel had ended weeks prior to his return sometimes. DH is half convinced that there is a second family out there somewhere, based on events from when he was a kid.

Dad updated his will and tells his 3 sons that they’ll all share equally. The oldest will be the executor, and each will receive 1/3. I guess the step-daughter is left out or mostly so. He also says nebulously that there should be “enough to take care of mom”. On the surface that’s very kind, since it’s giving them the thumbs up for spending it on their mother. Under the surface, is... is this the “missing money”? Should it really all be hers? Should she sue the estate if it’s offshore accounts or highly doubtful that it was post-divorce earnings... I doubt she would, but *I* probably would in her shoes! There also was a defaulted loan to her family....should she put that in as a creditor to be paid before assets are released to the beneficiaries? Dad also is very into his own extended family, so we’ll be surprised if he didn’t leave something to his brother and younger neice(s).

The other foreshadowing I can share with you is: dad’s sister passed away not too long ago. She was the nicest, coolest lady. Apparently she told her daughter (DH’s cousin, if your trying to follow along) that I might need emotional support/a friendly ear when the dad dies. The lady said that their family has no secrets (husband already had died young), But for this man, there are “skeletons” [in the closet]. The skeletons will come out when he dies. Fantastic.

The good thing I’ll say is that the dad's executor does know where the will is and where accounts are, at least in some general sense. He lives out of state, and I don’t envy him for the burden/responsibility. I am thankful that MY DH isn’t going to have to do it...especially since all the local family has a history of raiding homes of the recently deceased to take whatever they want. Sigh. It’s all just stuff anyway, right?? It’s funny, when somebody near to you dies, you’d think we could just be sad and miss them. Instead, it becomes a dramafest.
Cheers.


snowball

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1870 on: September 22, 2019, 12:03:14 PM »
My father died recently and I just got a letter from the lawyer with a copy of his will.

Now let me just say up front that he was a narcissistic asshole, and I didn't want a penny from his estate.  I would have either donated it or set it aside for my baby niece, who will never know him and for whom it wouldn't have been...tainted...money.  Turns out I didn't get anything, and I'm relieved by that;  I'd rather have no further part in this.  (I don't think the way he distributed his estate to others is particularly fair or kind, but it is officially Not My Problem and I'm not going to worry about it.  Fortunately I'm not the executor.)

He wasn't physically abusive, but my reaction to hearing about his death was an overwhelming "well, good riddance."  I'm not sad, just a little wistful for what might have been, if he'd chosen to be a better person.

I keep remembering this quote from one of my favourite writers, Lois McMaster Bujold..."When I go down into the ground at last, as God is my judge, I pray my best-beloved may have better to say of me than 'He didn't hit me.'"

I hope that for myself, too.

...

This is all more sad than drama-ridden, but who knows, drama could be forthcoming?  He won't have left a huge estate by Mustachian standards, but I suppose there is no amount too small to fight over, hah.  (I think a handful of people are getting $10-30K each.)

marion10

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1871 on: September 23, 2019, 07:32:08 AM »
A friend of mine just took her uncle to court for failing to distribute the assets of her grandfather’s estate. The kicker- he died 25 years ago and kept putting off family members with vague assurances.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1872 on: September 23, 2019, 08:04:21 AM »
My father died recently and I just got a letter from the lawyer with a copy of his will.

Now let me just say up front that he was a narcissistic asshole, and I didn't want a penny from his estate.  I would have either donated it or set it aside for my baby niece, who will never know him and for whom it wouldn't have been...tainted...money.  Turns out I didn't get anything, and I'm relieved by that;  I'd rather have no further part in this.  (I don't think the way he distributed his estate to others is particularly fair or kind, but it is officially Not My Problem and I'm not going to worry about it.  Fortunately I'm not the executor.)

He wasn't physically abusive, but my reaction to hearing about his death was an overwhelming "well, good riddance."  I'm not sad, just a little wistful for what might have been, if he'd chosen to be a better person.

I keep remembering this quote from one of my favourite writers, Lois McMaster Bujold..."When I go down into the ground at last, as God is my judge, I pray my best-beloved may have better to say of me than 'He didn't hit me.'"

I hope that for myself, too.

...

This is all more sad than drama-ridden, but who knows, drama could be forthcoming?  He won't have left a huge estate by Mustachian standards, but I suppose there is no amount too small to fight over, hah.  (I think a handful of people are getting $10-30K each.)

Even if you didn't want the money man that is harsh not giving any money to your own child. 

No inheritance stories that affect me personally, (well I did inherit an afghan from my grandmother when she died; she had crocheted a closet full of beautiful blankets. And after she died my Dad let each grandkid pick one out).

But from my extended family on my Mom's side there is a doozy. My grandfather died, and my grandmother was living in the family home alone, and it ended up my no-good uncle moved in. He was a - colorful- character, his nickname was crazy uncle (name). He was in the merchant marines, traveled extensively, got in a disproportionate amount of brawls, bar fights and unlikely situations, was a big drinker (alcoholic). After he moved in my grandmother and him became more and more reclusive, apparently just staying inside drinking and smoking. One time I visited after my grandfather died. Grandpa was someone with a big laugh, appetite, sense of humor and welcoming to everyone. After he died she never seemed the same. When we came by, initially she only opened the door a crack and stared at me. For a moment I thought she wouldn't let me in! After letting us in she was still in her night clothes. While the house and furnishings looked the same as 10, 20 years ago, all the lights were off or dimmed. There was practically no food in the house, while before she would cook huge farmhouse style meals.
A number of years later she ended up in the hospital/nursing home, and was diagnosed with throat cancer from a biopsy. Unfortunately the biopsy made it so she couldn't drink normally so she needed a feeding tube. My uncle went there and terrorized the nurses saying he had power of attorney and had them remove the feeding tube. My uncle and my mother visited, found out what happened, the medical staff said they couldn't do anything. Uncle and mother were in the process of having a lawyer overturn this, when she died about a week after the event, basically from being withheld food/water. As you can imagine it was tremendously distressing to my mom, who was not sure of her mother's actual wishes as she couldn't speak at the time.
When the will was read, it gave everything to the uncle (though there were 3 children), with the only stipulation being that he would pay for the burial/funeral. Even that he refused saying he was just going to cremate her and throw the ashes in the Chicago River (she was Catholic and wanted to be buried in the churchyard in the town where the rest of her family was buried). So my mother and uncle took over the funeral planning. My mother, sister and brother traveled up to Wisconsin for the funeral, and they said it was a good, healing time, talking with her sisters that were still alive, who shared many childhood and other stories of her. But- Uncle crashed the funeral. He showed up uninvited, drunk, making inappropriate remarks. Unfortunately most of the people were elderly folk who were too intimidated to confront him, but my brother steered him a couple times out of venues, usually to a local bar to get him out of the way.

My mother wanted only a few things from the house, including a portrait of my grandmother that my grandfather painted, some photos, and grandmother's costume jewelry. Uncle had similar small requests. He agreed, but then one Monday called them both bragging, ha! I went and had an estate sale yesterday and it's all gone! My mother did end up salvaging some photos as well as the boxes of costume jewelry that he had rummaged through and then thrown into a big pile, breaking
most of it. We never did find out what happened to the portrait of grandmother.

He cleared about 90K, cashed it out and moved up to wisconsin, living in or near an Indian reservation, drinking and gambling the money away. More crazy stories... He ended up going through the money and was living for free in another elderly relative's house, until he was finally kicked out. Lived with the other uncle for awhile, till he burned that bridge as well. Job to job (security guard, etc). I think at this point due to ill health is now on disability. My mother still gets long letters from him, basically asking for help we begged her PLEASE do not give him any money and so far I think she has held the line.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2019, 08:08:24 AM by partgypsy »

snowball

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1873 on: September 23, 2019, 10:28:15 AM »
Even if you didn't want the money man that is harsh not giving any money to your own child.

I guess so, but in the tale of my relationship with him, that's a pretty minor blip.  I went no-contact with him a long time ago, so it didn't surprise me.  It bothers me more that he didn't leave anything to my three full siblings.  Most of the estate went to his children by his first wife, and nothing to his second family (my side).  No doubt he was trying to make some kind of self-righteous statement with that, but...my full siblings were more in touch with him and more supportive than the half siblings were (I don't think my half siblings had spoken to him in years).  But it's easier to be randomly offended by the people who are actually around.

He left a very small percentage to his girlfriend, who may be the only person in the world who genuinely grieves his death.  She's probably the one who should have gotten most of it.  My brother said she cried when he told her the news, and all I could think was, at least someone is sad.

A number of years later she ended up in the hospital/nursing home, and was diagnosed with throat cancer from a biopsy. Unfortunately the biopsy made it so she couldn't drink normally so she needed a feeding tube. My uncle went there and terrorized the nurses saying he had power of attorney and had them remove the feeding tube. My uncle and my mother visited, found out what happened, the medical staff said they couldn't do anything. Uncle and mother were in the process of having a lawyer overturn this, when she died about a week after the event, basically from being withheld food/water. As you can imagine it was tremendously distressing to my mom, who was not sure of her mother's actual wishes as she couldn't speak at the time.
When the will was read, it gave everything to the uncle (though there were 3 children), with the only stipulation being that he would pay for the burial/funeral. Even that he refused saying he was just going to cremate her and throw the ashes in the Chicago River (she was Catholic and wanted to be buried in the churchyard in the town where the rest of her family was buried). So my mother and uncle took over the funeral planning. My mother, sister and brother traveled up to Wisconsin for the funeral, and they said it was a good, healing time, talking with her sisters that were still alive, who shared many childhood and other stories of her. But- Uncle crashed the funeral. He showed up uninvited, drunk, making inappropriate remarks. Unfortunately most of the people were elderly folk who were too intimidated to confront him, but my brother steered him a couple times out of venues, usually to a local bar to get him out of the way.

My mother wanted only a few things from the house, including a portrait of my grandmother that my grandfather painted, some photos, and grandmother's costume jewelry. Uncle had similar small requests. He agreed, but then one Monday called them both bragging, ha! I went and had an estate sale yesterday and it's all gone! My mother did end up salvaging some photos as well as the boxes of costume jewelry that he had rummaged through and then thrown into a big pile, breaking
most of it. We never did find out what happened to the portrait of grandmother.

He cleared about 90K, cashed it out and moved up to wisconsin, living in or near an Indian reservation, drinking and gambling the money away. More crazy stories... He ended up going through the money and was living for free in another elderly relative's house, until he was finally kicked out. Lived with the other uncle for awhile, till he burned that bridge as well. Job to job (security guard, etc). I think at this point due to ill health is now on disability. My mother still gets long letters from him, basically asking for help we begged her PLEASE do not give him any money and so far I think she has held the line.

That man is appalling.  I hope your mother does hold the line and won't let him back into her life...I can't imagine what it must have been like for her to see her brother do that to her mom.

You can't choose your blood relatives (sigh), but I'm a firm believer in choosing who gets to be your family.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1874 on: September 23, 2019, 02:19:23 PM »

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1875 on: October 01, 2019, 08:15:36 PM »
After reading this last story, it has motivated me to setup a trust for my kids :)

We set up things so one grandchild, who might or might not settle down, would have a hired trustee instead of a family member to deal with.  If things go bad there's no reason to cause family who have their act together to deal with family who don't.

Above, both are gifts to your children IMHO. If I remember correctly, my mom’s attorney said to her...so, you want to control the money from beyond the grave... and laughed. (She would not do a trust.) My husband thinks I should just bow out now and tell my mom I don’t want to be her executor. I already tried this once, and she flipped out because then who would do it?!?! I felt awful, so it stands now. :) Again, hopefully she’s with us for many more years - indeed, she seems to have gotten a second wind lately, which is awesome.

On the other side of the family, my in-laws have a different drama coming (DH and I feel so, at least). Mom and dad are divorced, and it is not amicable. Supposedly during the divorce, hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets disappeared - home equity and cash. Fast forward to now...dad denies any existence of such a thing. Mom had account statements up to a point, and then it all “vanished”. Is this any of our business? No, of course not. Except that mom has zero savings and will be left on (his) social security when he dies, since her share of his various pensions will die with him.

So, where is the drama, you ask? If we’re lucky, maybe there will be none. Do you feel lucky? We do not. Dad traveled extensively for his long and lucrative career. Much of that time is in question, since it was later found that the work-related travel had ended weeks prior to his return sometimes. DH is half convinced that there is a second family out there somewhere, based on events from when he was a kid.

Dad updated his will and tells his 3 sons that they’ll all share equally. The oldest will be the executor, and each will receive 1/3. I guess the step-daughter is left out or mostly so. He also says nebulously that there should be “enough to take care of mom”. On the surface that’s very kind, since it’s giving them the thumbs up for spending it on their mother. Under the surface, is... is this the “missing money”? Should it really all be hers? Should she sue the estate if it’s offshore accounts or highly doubtful that it was post-divorce earnings... I doubt she would, but *I* probably would in her shoes! There also was a defaulted loan to her family....should she put that in as a creditor to be paid before assets are released to the beneficiaries? Dad also is very into his own extended family, so we’ll be surprised if he didn’t leave something to his brother and younger neice(s).

The other foreshadowing I can share with you is: dad’s sister passed away not too long ago. She was the nicest, coolest lady. Apparently she told her daughter (DH’s cousin, if your trying to follow along) that I might need emotional support/a friendly ear when the dad dies. The lady said that their family has no secrets (husband already had died young), But for this man, there are “skeletons” [in the closet]. The skeletons will come out when he dies. Fantastic.

The good thing I’ll say is that the dad's executor does know where the will is and where accounts are, at least in some general sense. He lives out of state, and I don’t envy him for the burden/responsibility. I am thankful that MY DH isn’t going to have to do it...especially since all the local family has a history of raiding homes of the recently deceased to take whatever they want. Sigh. It’s all just stuff anyway, right?? It’s funny, when somebody near to you dies, you’d think we could just be sad and miss them. Instead, it becomes a dramafest.
Cheers.

You know, this reminds me of a guideline I use that really eliminates drama from my life.  It helps me avoid being put exactly where you are: holding damaging but uncertain information about personal relationships. 

I don't care for gossip, especially when it damages relationships that I have (without knowing the reality of what's going on).  I refuse to be a part of it, either.  Gossip is something I am going to be out in front of, stopping, rather than sitting to wait on it to corrode various relationships. 

So, to rid myself of gossip entirely, I engage in a simple practice: I give the person who told me the gossip (in this case, about the "skeletons") 24 hours to tell the person the gossip is about, and make amends.  Because after that, I'm going to do so. 

(In your situation, I'd talk to your father and to the person who shared that tidbit with you...but probably go to the aunt/whoever shared it with that person before your father, then to your father soon after.) 

It's gossip, it's not OK, it hurts people, and so the people gossiping need to go make it right ASAP.  If other people won't stop it, I will.

(In this case, I would do the same as to the person who told it to that person, i.e., the person who got the gossip going, since you know who it is supposed to be.) 

Then, after 24 hours, I make good on my word.  I go have a conversation with whoever I said I would about whatever I was told.  And that usually gets to the bottom of things.  It certainly clears things up, and prevents others from corroding relationships. 

(I don't think my mother took me seriously the first time, but since then, it hasn't been a problem anymore.)

I'd go have a visit with the person talking about the skeletons and same routine.  You'll either remedy some relationships or learn all about the skeletons now...or both. 

You'll definitely accomplish one thing: nobody will be telling you things that lead you to fret/worry about, or that you would feel guilty about bringing up.  That will be over. 

It's one good path to a drama-free life.  Or at least gossip-free.  Life is too short for that nonsense. 

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1876 on: October 01, 2019, 10:40:01 PM »
After reading this last story, it has motivated me to setup a trust for my kids :)

We set up things so one grandchild, who might or might not settle down, would have a hired trustee instead of a family member to deal with.  If things go bad there's no reason to cause family who have their act together to deal with family who don't.

Above, both are gifts to your children IMHO. If I remember correctly, my mom’s attorney said to her...so, you want to control the money from beyond the grave... and laughed. (She would not do a trust.) My husband thinks I should just bow out now and tell my mom I don’t want to be her executor. I already tried this once, and she flipped out because then who would do it?!?! I felt awful, so it stands now. :) Again, hopefully she’s with us for many more years - indeed, she seems to have gotten a second wind lately, which is awesome.

On the other side of the family, my in-laws have a different drama coming (DH and I feel so, at least). Mom and dad are divorced, and it is not amicable. Supposedly during the divorce, hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets disappeared - home equity and cash. Fast forward to now...dad denies any existence of such a thing. Mom had account statements up to a point, and then it all “vanished”. Is this any of our business? No, of course not. Except that mom has zero savings and will be left on (his) social security when he dies, since her share of his various pensions will die with him.

So, where is the drama, you ask? If we’re lucky, maybe there will be none. Do you feel lucky? We do not. Dad traveled extensively for his long and lucrative career. Much of that time is in question, since it was later found that the work-related travel had ended weeks prior to his return sometimes. DH is half convinced that there is a second family out there somewhere, based on events from when he was a kid.

Dad updated his will and tells his 3 sons that they’ll all share equally. The oldest will be the executor, and each will receive 1/3. I guess the step-daughter is left out or mostly so. He also says nebulously that there should be “enough to take care of mom”. On the surface that’s very kind, since it’s giving them the thumbs up for spending it on their mother. Under the surface, is... is this the “missing money”? Should it really all be hers? Should she sue the estate if it’s offshore accounts or highly doubtful that it was post-divorce earnings... I doubt she would, but *I* probably would in her shoes! There also was a defaulted loan to her family....should she put that in as a creditor to be paid before assets are released to the beneficiaries? Dad also is very into his own extended family, so we’ll be surprised if he didn’t leave something to his brother and younger neice(s).

The other foreshadowing I can share with you is: dad’s sister passed away not too long ago. She was the nicest, coolest lady. Apparently she told her daughter (DH’s cousin, if your trying to follow along) that I might need emotional support/a friendly ear when the dad dies. The lady said that their family has no secrets (husband already had died young), But for this man, there are “skeletons” [in the closet]. The skeletons will come out when he dies. Fantastic.

The good thing I’ll say is that the dad's executor does know where the will is and where accounts are, at least in some general sense. He lives out of state, and I don’t envy him for the burden/responsibility. I am thankful that MY DH isn’t going to have to do it...especially since all the local family has a history of raiding homes of the recently deceased to take whatever they want. Sigh. It’s all just stuff anyway, right?? It’s funny, when somebody near to you dies, you’d think we could just be sad and miss them. Instead, it becomes a dramafest.
Cheers.

You know, this reminds me of a guideline I use that really eliminates drama from my life.  It helps me avoid being put exactly where you are: holding damaging but uncertain information about personal relationships. 

I don't care for gossip, especially when it damages relationships that I have (without knowing the reality of what's going on).  I refuse to be a part of it, either.  Gossip is something I am going to be out in front of, stopping, rather than sitting to wait on it to corrode various relationships. 

So, to rid myself of gossip entirely, I engage in a simple practice: I give the person who told me the gossip (in this case, about the "skeletons") 24 hours to tell the person the gossip is about, and make amends.  Because after that, I'm going to do so. 

(In your situation, I'd talk to your father and to the person who shared that tidbit with you...but probably go to the aunt/whoever shared it with that person before your father, then to your father soon after.) 

It's gossip, it's not OK, it hurts people, and so the people gossiping need to go make it right ASAP.  If other people won't stop it, I will.

(In this case, I would do the same as to the person who told it to that person, i.e., the person who got the gossip going, since you know who it is supposed to be.) 

Then, after 24 hours, I make good on my word.  I go have a conversation with whoever I said I would about whatever I was told.  And that usually gets to the bottom of things.  It certainly clears things up, and prevents others from corroding relationships. 

(I don't think my mother took me seriously the first time, but since then, it hasn't been a problem anymore.)

I'd go have a visit with the person talking about the skeletons and same routine.  You'll either remedy some relationships or learn all about the skeletons now...or both. 

You'll definitely accomplish one thing: nobody will be telling you things that lead you to fret/worry about, or that you would feel guilty about bringing up.  That will be over. 

It's one good path to a drama-free life.  Or at least gossip-free.  Life is too short for that nonsense.

@Finances_With_Purpose, you are my hero!

I've found that when I start to seriously question the gossip-monger for factual proof or sources, the "100% certainty" the story was originally presented with suddenly shrinks to maybe 5% tops.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1877 on: October 03, 2019, 08:54:14 AM »
That approach works great with the daily news cycle too!

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1878 on: October 08, 2019, 06:56:03 PM »
After reading this last story, it has motivated me to setup a trust for my kids :)

We set up things so one grandchild, who might or might not settle down, would have a hired trustee instead of a family member to deal with.  If things go bad there's no reason to cause family who have their act together to deal with family who don't.

Above, both are gifts to your children IMHO. If I remember correctly, my mom’s attorney said to her...so, you want to control the money from beyond the grave... and laughed. (She would not do a trust.) My husband thinks I should just bow out now and tell my mom I don’t want to be her executor. I already tried this once, and she flipped out because then who would do it?!?! I felt awful, so it stands now. :) Again, hopefully she’s with us for many more years - indeed, she seems to have gotten a second wind lately, which is awesome.

On the other side of the family, my in-laws have a different drama coming (DH and I feel so, at least). Mom and dad are divorced, and it is not amicable. Supposedly during the divorce, hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets disappeared - home equity and cash. Fast forward to now...dad denies any existence of such a thing. Mom had account statements up to a point, and then it all “vanished”. Is this any of our business? No, of course not. Except that mom has zero savings and will be left on (his) social security when he dies, since her share of his various pensions will die with him.

So, where is the drama, you ask? If we’re lucky, maybe there will be none. Do you feel lucky? We do not. Dad traveled extensively for his long and lucrative career. Much of that time is in question, since it was later found that the work-related travel had ended weeks prior to his return sometimes. DH is half convinced that there is a second family out there somewhere, based on events from when he was a kid.

Dad updated his will and tells his 3 sons that they’ll all share equally. The oldest will be the executor, and each will receive 1/3. I guess the step-daughter is left out or mostly so. He also says nebulously that there should be “enough to take care of mom”. On the surface that’s very kind, since it’s giving them the thumbs up for spending it on their mother. Under the surface, is... is this the “missing money”? Should it really all be hers? Should she sue the estate if it’s offshore accounts or highly doubtful that it was post-divorce earnings... I doubt she would, but *I* probably would in her shoes! There also was a defaulted loan to her family....should she put that in as a creditor to be paid before assets are released to the beneficiaries? Dad also is very into his own extended family, so we’ll be surprised if he didn’t leave something to his brother and younger neice(s).

The other foreshadowing I can share with you is: dad’s sister passed away not too long ago. She was the nicest, coolest lady. Apparently she told her daughter (DH’s cousin, if your trying to follow along) that I might need emotional support/a friendly ear when the dad dies. The lady said that their family has no secrets (husband already had died young), But for this man, there are “skeletons” [in the closet]. The skeletons will come out when he dies. Fantastic.

The good thing I’ll say is that the dad's executor does know where the will is and where accounts are, at least in some general sense. He lives out of state, and I don’t envy him for the burden/responsibility. I am thankful that MY DH isn’t going to have to do it...especially since all the local family has a history of raiding homes of the recently deceased to take whatever they want. Sigh. It’s all just stuff anyway, right?? It’s funny, when somebody near to you dies, you’d think we could just be sad and miss them. Instead, it becomes a dramafest.
Cheers.

You know, this reminds me of a guideline I use that really eliminates drama from my life.  It helps me avoid being put exactly where you are: holding damaging but uncertain information about personal relationships. 

I don't care for gossip, especially when it damages relationships that I have (without knowing the reality of what's going on).  I refuse to be a part of it, either.  Gossip is something I am going to be out in front of, stopping, rather than sitting to wait on it to corrode various relationships. 

So, to rid myself of gossip entirely, I engage in a simple practice: I give the person who told me the gossip (in this case, about the "skeletons") 24 hours to tell the person the gossip is about, and make amends.  Because after that, I'm going to do so. 

(In your situation, I'd talk to your father and to the person who shared that tidbit with you...but probably go to the aunt/whoever shared it with that person before your father, then to your father soon after.) 

It's gossip, it's not OK, it hurts people, and so the people gossiping need to go make it right ASAP.  If other people won't stop it, I will.

(In this case, I would do the same as to the person who told it to that person, i.e., the person who got the gossip going, since you know who it is supposed to be.) 

Then, after 24 hours, I make good on my word.  I go have a conversation with whoever I said I would about whatever I was told.  And that usually gets to the bottom of things.  It certainly clears things up, and prevents others from corroding relationships. 

(I don't think my mother took me seriously the first time, but since then, it hasn't been a problem anymore.)

I'd go have a visit with the person talking about the skeletons and same routine.  You'll either remedy some relationships or learn all about the skeletons now...or both. 

You'll definitely accomplish one thing: nobody will be telling you things that lead you to fret/worry about, or that you would feel guilty about bringing up.  That will be over. 

It's one good path to a drama-free life.  Or at least gossip-free.  Life is too short for that nonsense.

@Finances_With_Purpose, you are my hero!

I've found that when I start to seriously question the gossip-monger for factual proof or sources, the "100% certainty" the story was originally presented with suddenly shrinks to maybe 5% tops.

Thanks @SwordGuy !  It's incredibly awkward to do the first few times, but wow, does it ever alleviate ALL of the downstream stress and issues. 

I'd love to take full credit, but it wasn't originally my idea...though I've since come to love it. 

Gossip fundamentally corrodes relationships.  (E.g., Proverbs 16:28: A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.)  Life is too short to tolerate that type of corrosion in relationships around me, even if it's annoying or awkward to stop it.  It's definitely worth the lack of drama later on. 

trashtalk

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Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1879 on: October 13, 2019, 10:28:21 PM »
This is relatively mild for this thread and I'm leaving out decades of spicier Shakespearean-level family drama but here goes:

Parents disinherit their children for supposedly betraying them.

The relationship between parents and those children ebbs and flows over the years. The children have kids of their own. Parents eventually creates an estate plan that leaves their money to their grandchildren (kids of the disinherited) in a trust. The grandkids would all get equal portions.

However, upon learning this, disinherited kid #1 complains that it's "not fair" because other siblings have numerically more children and thus the rightful "share" of disinherited #1 is being reduced.

The complaining resulted in a further revision of the estate plan to restore the original position of the complainer.

The greed is fairly grotesque and the whole situation is a shabby sad ugly parody of what a family should be like and feel like.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2019, 10:31:04 PM by trashtalk »

frugledoc

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1880 on: October 14, 2019, 01:35:50 AM »
This is relatively mild for this thread and I'm leaving out decades of spicier Shakespearean-level family drama but here goes:

Parents disinherit their children for supposedly betraying them.

The relationship between parents and those children ebbs and flows over the years. The children have kids of their own. Parents eventually creates an estate plan that leaves their money to their grandchildren (kids of the disinherited) in a trust. The grandkids would all get equal portions.

However, upon learning this, disinherited kid #1 complains that it's "not fair" because other siblings have numerically more children and thus the rightful "share" of disinherited #1 is being reduced.

The complaining resulted in a further revision of the estate plan to restore the original position of the complainer.

The greed is fairly grotesque and the whole situation is a shabby sad ugly parody of what a family should be like and feel like.

“Normal” people see mustachians as tight fisted and mean with money.  My experience is that mustachians are extremely generous and don’t care much about money (like in the situation above) but “normal” people are obsessed with it.

marty998

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1881 on: October 14, 2019, 02:40:42 AM »

A number of years later she ended up in the hospital/nursing home, and was diagnosed with throat cancer from a biopsy. Unfortunately the biopsy made it so she couldn't drink normally so she needed a feeding tube. My uncle went there and terrorized the nurses saying he had power of attorney and had them remove the feeding tube. My uncle and my mother visited, found out what happened, the medical staff said they couldn't do anything. Uncle and mother were in the process of having a lawyer overturn this, when she died about a week after the event, basically from being withheld food/water. As you can imagine it was tremendously distressing to my mom, who was not sure of her mother's actual wishes as she couldn't speak at the time.

Sounds like a murder case to me. Very sorry for your family's loss.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1882 on: October 14, 2019, 11:37:50 AM »
This is relatively mild for this thread and I'm leaving out decades of spicier Shakespearean-level family drama

You tease.

Rubic

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1883 on: October 14, 2019, 12:43:18 PM »
However, upon learning this, disinherited kid #1 complains that it's "not fair" because other siblings have numerically more children and thus the rightful "share" of disinherited #1 is being reduced.

No drama here, but my approach has been to split the inheritance 50/50 between my siblings and their children.  That way, each sibling has a equal share of half my estate, and each of my nieces/nephews receives equal shares of the remaining half.

Otherwise it would have felt weird -- like I was penalizing family members for their having more children.
 
I was fortunate in having a long-time family friend, an ex-IRS attorney, draft the particulars of my will.  I've also been open about it with everyone, so there should be no surprises.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1884 on: October 14, 2019, 02:41:42 PM »
However, upon learning this, disinherited kid #1 complains that it's "not fair" because other siblings have numerically more children and thus the rightful "share" of disinherited #1 is being reduced.

No drama here, but my approach has been to split the inheritance 50/50 between my siblings and their children.  That way, each sibling has a equal share of half my estate, and each of my nieces/nephews receives equal shares of the remaining half.

Otherwise it would have felt weird -- like I was penalizing family members for their having more children.
 
I was fortunate in having a long-time family friend, an ex-IRS attorney, draft the particulars of my will.  I've also been open about it with everyone, so there should be no surprises.

We don't have kids or nieces/nephews so we've decided that 50% of our assets will be split equally among my siblings and the other half goes to his. We don't have an equal amount of siblings so mine will get less.

We've done the opposite and haven't discussed our wills with anyone and I'm not planning to - I don't want people to start nagging about their inheritance while I'm not even dying. We are actually thinking of changing the will and leaving money to close friends instead of to siblings we speak once a year and if we had discussed the contents of our will earlier this would be quite awkward.

Dave1442397

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1885 on: October 16, 2019, 08:28:06 AM »
My mother-in-law keeps changing her mind about her will. I handle all her finances at the moment, and if she were to keel over right now, there's around $150k in property and another $75k in stocks and bonds. Her will currently splits everything four ways to my wife and siblings.

MIL has recently decided that she wants to leave her main condo (worth $100k) to my daughter, so that 'she can enjoy weekends at the beach". She also asked me not to tell anyone else about this, and then promptly told everyone else herself :)

Being financially clueless, she doesn't get that leaving a condo with monthly fees and taxes of around $1200 to a teenager (or us) will not result in a vacation home for said teen. If it happens, the condo will be sold and used as a college fund.

We don't care either way. Sure, it would be nice to have extra college money, but it would definitely cause bad feelings with some family members. We hope she just lives long enough to spend it all.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1886 on: October 16, 2019, 08:28:49 AM »
I am not being open at all about my will Because it is highly likely I will change my mind. Right now our will is set up to divide our state among our siblings and various organizations. I expect we will spend a lot of the money and they’ll be less of it to give out As we get older. As that happens I’m gonna cut my siblings out and give to a couple organizations that do the work I like.

Even though both attorneys we have consulted about Wells suggest we talk about it with our errors, I will not do that because it sets up expectations that likely will not occur.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1887 on: October 18, 2019, 12:40:41 PM »
I am not being open at all about my will Because it is highly likely I will change my mind. Right now our will is set up to divide our state among our siblings and various organizations. I expect we will spend a lot of the money and they’ll be less of it to give out As we get older. As that happens I’m gonna cut my siblings out and give to a couple organizations that do the work I like.

Even though both attorneys we have consulted about Wells suggest we talk about it with our errors, I will not do that because it sets up expectations that likely will not occur.
I think there are some auto fill gremlins afoot in the above post...

Just chiming in to say be sure to use percentages, so the proportions stay the same, even if your nest egg shrinks. That way, everyone you want to remember still gets something.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1888 on: October 18, 2019, 05:39:11 PM »
I am not being open at all about my will Because it is highly likely I will change my mind. Right now our will is set up to divide our state among our siblings and various organizations. I expect we will spend a lot of the money and they’ll be less of it to give out As we get older. As that happens I’m gonna cut my siblings out and give to a couple organizations that do the work I like.

Even though both attorneys we have consulted about Wells suggest we talk about it with our errors, I will not do that because it sets up expectations that likely will not occur.
I think there are some auto fill gremlins afoot in the above post...

Just chiming in to say be sure to use percentages, so the proportions stay the same, even if your nest egg shrinks. That way, everyone you want to remember still gets something.

yes, dictation software is fairly unintelligent! Haha

 I will continue to use percentages as my assets dwindle as my current will does mainly because I would want to give enough to make a difference to the organizations.With our siblings, they wont need little pots of money, it would be play money for them.

I will use percentages but will give tofewer people and organizations.

TVRodriguez

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1889 on: October 19, 2019, 10:12:48 AM »
I am not being open at all about my will Because it is highly likely I will change my mind. ....

Even though both attorneys we have consulted about [Wills] suggest we talk about it with our [heirs], I will not do that because it sets up expectations that likely will not occur.

I usually do recommend transparency to my own estate planning clients.  In your case, you are not wrong to keep things under wraps because you are not fully "set" in your plans.  I agree that it would be worse to be open about a plan and then NOT disclose any changes to the plan.  I've been involved in estate and trust litigation based on that very situation.  ("Daddy promised me the family property out in the country and his old Will said I'd get it, and I don't care that his final estate plan that was made with sound mind clearly says different, so I'm going to sue you and I'd rather the attorneys get more than you do over this multi-year litigation because I am sure that Daddy loved me more, so there!")

Rubic

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1890 on: October 22, 2019, 03:00:41 PM »
I usually do recommend transparency to my own estate planning clients.

+1

If someone's paying you for your advice, they ought to at least consider it.  (No refection on iris lily, who has reasons to avoid disclosure.)

My brother and I -- two out of the 4 siblings -- will share executor duties for our parents, and everyone is aware that the inheritance will be distributed equally.

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1891 on: October 23, 2019, 12:47:11 AM »
The difficult issue is that many people will never fully be 'set' in their estate plans. I can imagine that if you have children and none of them is an addict or something you want to leave everything to them equally but as a childless person, I expect to keep changing my will every 5-10 years for the rest of my life, since friends and relatives may change or pass away.

I agree that openness is important and people have been open to us about their wills which I really appreciate, but I don't want to give anyone any expectations that may not come true.

TVRodriguez

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1892 on: October 23, 2019, 08:52:55 AM »
The difficult issue is that many people will never fully be 'set' in their estate plans. I can imagine that if you have children and none of them is an addict or something you want to leave everything to them equally but as a childless person, I expect to keep changing my will every 5-10 years for the rest of my life, since friends and relatives may change or pass away.

I agree that openness is important and people have been open to us about their wills which I really appreciate, but I don't want to give anyone any expectations that may not come true.

Transparency does not mean telling someone exactly what they are getting and then requiring yourself never to change your plan.  Transparency can mean telling a loved one, "We are thinking of leaving you something if we have any sort of estate when we die, but we don't know how much it will be, if anything.  And we might leave more to charity instead of people, since charitable giving is really important to us, and we know that you and our other loved ones are capable of supporting yourselves.  But we want you to know that you are one of the people who we care about enough to consider naming as a beneficiary.  Just don't count on it!"

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1893 on: October 23, 2019, 11:07:37 AM »
We had a talk with our son and his wife a few weeks back about our will, etc.   

He knows that a large portion of the estate is to be set up in a special needs trust with a life interest for our mentally handicapped daughter (his sister).    They understand that.   When our daughter passes away the trust would revert to him.

We have a few bequests after that and the rest will go to him.   

We let him know never to count on receiving anything for his retirement plans because stuff happens.   He'll likely get a substantial amount but there's never a guarantee.  One or two bad injuries or lingering illnesses and that money could get sucked away for medical care.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1894 on: October 23, 2019, 02:39:41 PM »
We let him know never to count on receiving anything for his retirement plans because stuff happens.   He'll likely get a substantial amount but there's never a guarantee.  One or two bad injuries or lingering illnesses and that money could get sucked away for medical care.

Yep, there is never a guarantee.   Unfortunately MIL and FIL, who inherited considerable estates from both of their parents, liked to talk about what DH, SIL and grandkids, will get for their "inheritance".   Fortunately, DH, knowing his folks will spend every dime they get, did not depend on this but SIL and granddaughter apparently have counted on getting what is a dwindling estate.  The house in FL that was going to go to SIL?  They had to sell it.  Their current house that was going to DH?  Probably will move out of it fairly soon.  Both FIL and MIL are pushing 90, and their days of independence are ending fast. They are now considering going into assisted living after FIL sustained a couple of falls, and MIL just needs more help as time goes on.    From what we hear, SIL is panicking because she didn't expect her parents to live this long, and her DH is still working at nearly age 69 to make up for spending down his retirement account earlier. 

AMandM

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1895 on: October 24, 2019, 12:13:14 PM »
From what we hear, SIL is panicking because she didn't expect her parents to live this long, and her DH is still working at nearly age 69 to make up for spending down his retirement account earlier.

I am so grateful that I can be happy my father is living a long time.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1896 on: October 24, 2019, 03:43:00 PM »
We let him know never to count on receiving anything for his retirement plans because stuff happens.   He'll likely get a substantial amount but there's never a guarantee.  One or two bad injuries or lingering illnesses and that money could get sucked away for medical care.

Good on you. I have a parent who told me never to worry about retirement b/c inheritance. Terrible advice. They may or may not have enough money to see them through this life. That last chapter can be very expensive.

Don't know if my parent was testing their powers and influence over me that day or they were just blind to the true costs of old age.

I was quite naive at the time and thought to myself - "OH GOODY!" - and fortunately the reality of the situation dawned on me weeks later and I continued to save-save-save. I'm a slow learner... ;)

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1897 on: October 24, 2019, 03:46:59 PM »
From what we hear, SIL is panicking because she didn't expect her parents to live this long, and her DH is still working at nearly age 69 to make up for spending down his retirement account earlier.

I am so grateful that I can be happy my father is living a long time.

My Dad passed at 90 and my Mom a couple of years before but my attitude was that if they could live a good life as long as possible then great.  Their money was there to attend to their needs and if we had to run through it to take care of them, then that is what we had to do.  While they did leave a house and some money, I see it as a bonus and I never, no pun intended, banked on it.  Now getting sister to finally pull the trigger on selling their house is a whole other issue......

jpompo

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1898 on: November 01, 2019, 01:54:35 PM »
My mom died just over a year ago, and while there was no inheritance since my father is still living there was nevertheless plenty of drama. My mother had advanced stage cancer so it was no surprise that she was in her final days, my aunt, her sister, was at my parents house helping to take care of a few things in preparation for the funeral and to spend the last days with her sister. Well, little did any of us realize that those last days would also involve taking jewelry from my mother.

My wife found a ring that my mom inherited from her grandmother in a drawer and said to my aunt, is this your grandmother's ring? At that point my aunt took it and pocketed it, when questioned she said it was for safe keeping, an insured ring that has been in the same spot for over a decade. This is not the hope diamond, it's probably worth $15k. The plot thickens when we find out that one of my mom's last wishes was for that ring to be used in a brooch for cancer survivors. We tell my aunt this and ask for the ring back and she flatly says, "no." I continue to ask for it back and she starts playing the victim, not understanding my "obsession." My father continues to feel immense guilt by not being able to satisfy one of my mom's final wishes.

She wore the ring to my mom's funeral, I didn't say a word to her that day and never will again. Things man, they make people weird.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1899 on: November 01, 2019, 01:58:50 PM »
My mom died just over a year ago, and while there was no inheritance since my father is still living there was nevertheless plenty of drama. My mother had advanced stage cancer so it was no surprise that she was in her final days, my aunt, her sister, was at my parents house helping to take care of a few things in preparation for the funeral and to spend the last days with her sister. Well, little did any of us realize that those last days would also involve taking jewelry from my mother.

My wife found a ring that my mom inherited from her grandmother in a drawer and said to my aunt, is this your grandmother's ring? At that point my aunt took it and pocketed it, when questioned she said it was for safe keeping, an insured ring that has been in the same spot for over a decade. This is not the hope diamond, it's probably worth $15k. The plot thickens when we find out that one of my mom's last wishes was for that ring to be used in a brooch for cancer survivors. We tell my aunt this and ask for the ring back and she flatly says, "no." I continue to ask for it back and she starts playing the victim, not understanding my "obsession." My father continues to feel immense guilt by not being able to satisfy one of my mom's final wishes.

She wore the ring to my mom's funeral, I didn't say a word to her that day and never will again. Things man, they make people weird.
I would report the theft.   People with cancer need all the help they can get, and $15k is a lot of help for someone.

You already aren't going to talk to her again, so burning that bridge isn't a downside.   Any relative who would countenance stealing from family without repercussions is a relative that's good to get out of your life.

Maybe I'm just being a hardass, but people who would steal from family like that are shit and should be treated like shit.