Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 1160474 times)

Scotts

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2350 on: February 25, 2021, 11:35:52 PM »


To answer your question, it was completely uncharacteristic. We had what appeared to be a decent relationship prior. There were some cracks in the relationship prior but nothing that made me think that this is what would happen.

As a matter of fact, when they were both appointed POA I trusted them completely. Never questioned any decisions.

The problem I think stemmed from the fact that they always seemed to have financial drama. I think the financial drama put them over the edge. I know my sister had some resentment towards me because my husband and I had money, a home, investments because she would complain to my mother all the time. However, she never realized how much we busted our hump to have anything. When my husband and I met we had nothing.

They always aspired to live above their means and seemed concerned with what others thought of them too. Who knows, like I said, money makes people do crazy shit.

Money is just a tool, not a cause. It has no bias one way or the other. Having it simply allows someone the freedom to make any decision they choose, good or bad.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2351 on: February 26, 2021, 09:47:02 AM »
Thank you, and I did not take it as criticism at all. If anything, after all these years, it has been a learning experience for me. For a long time, I grieved the relationship with my sister. But now, it feels honest. I looked at everything through rose-colored glasses with her. The reality was that she always looked down on me and my husband and I never saw it. My friend said once that she underestimated me, thought they could get away with all of it. Perhaps she thought i was less intelligent or "sloppy." Who knows.

Dealing with my sister over the last 6 years opened my eyes to how she really thinks and operates.    She has always been, to put it charitably, the source of much hand wringing by our parents but still when she had POA and then became executor, I didn't think she would stoop to fraud and outright theft.   I trusted she would do the right thing because it was our parents' estate.  To hear her tell it, she shouldered "all this responsibility", playing the martyr as opposed to me and my younger sister, but in discovering what I did while selling my parents' home it was pretty much a front for her to take what she wanted.  There are major questions over her handling of my dad's finances, after forcing an accounting from her (btw she was in violation of state law as well as blowing off the annual accounting provision in my parents' trust) but we were only entitled to see what she did as executor not when she had my dad's financial POA. 

All through this she exhibited outright hostility towards us and to this day, while she is making efforts to repair things, that hostility still is apparent, she can blow up at the littlest things.   I have gone through therapy to talk about what happened and while things have been patched up to some extent (for my nephews' sake tbh) I am not certain what the future holds.  I certainly can never trust her again. Covid has made it easy to keep my distance but once it's safe to have family gatherings I am not sure how much I want to see her except in group settings.   
« Last Edit: February 26, 2021, 09:49:07 AM by saguaro »

Psychstache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2352 on: February 26, 2021, 02:27:32 PM »
She has always been, to put it charitably, the source of much hand wringing by our parents...

Pressure

she had POA and then became executor..

Opportunity


To hear her tell it, she shouldered "all this responsibility", playing the martyr as opposed to me and my younger sister...

Justification

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2353 on: February 26, 2021, 03:36:34 PM »
She has always been, to put it charitably, the source of much hand wringing by our parents...
Pressure

she had POA and then became executor..
Opportunity

To hear her tell it, she shouldered "all this responsibility", playing the martyr as opposed to me and my younger sister...
Justification

Exactly all these things.   

Being tagged by my parents as the more difficult aka "Bad Daughter" earlier in life I believe this set her on the road to proving herself otherwise (in her view) while at the same time seeking compensation of sorts from them when she had the chance via financial POA and executor. 



TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2354 on: February 27, 2021, 08:33:38 PM »
Condolences that your sister is a thief who isn't above ripping off family and still emotionally abuses the family.

ZCP may be in order.

Lomonossov

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2355 on: March 03, 2021, 08:05:21 AM »
Hi all,

After reading the full thread from cover to cover, I decided to tell my inheritance drama as well. It's been an expensive way to learn some lessons. Forget the probable grammar and spelling mistakes of this non-native speaker, if you will. Just another long story, but I hope you find it interesting.

My family, like every other family, doesn't work properly. Mine works a little bit worse than the average, though. My parents got married, divorced, remarried (with each other) again, redivorced and remarried (to other people). My mom got herself a third divorce from the unlucky guy who decided to marry her, my father is still hanging in there. From each of the marriages between themselves, a son was born: I have a smaller brother. I'm 33, he's 25.

Most of my childhood is defined by visit to courts about custody and pre and post-divorce arguments about money. The fact that my parents are not able to handle finances properly is what led to the divorce in the first place. All the estate they were ever able to put together was a very small flat where my brother and I lived, while they were coming and going through the years as a result of different custody agreements and court orders. Every time a new parent came, it brought along pets, couples and their new life. Nobody really cared about my brother and me, we were mostly the free ticket to living in the property.

Eventually, I found a job and left. I was in college and working full time to rent a bedroom, but I was so happy I never had to come back to that place that I didn't care about being poor. My brother was a teenager at the time, and was stuck in that flat. As a result of the last custody change, my father was responsible but he just had found the woman that would become his wife, and decided to move with her, which meant that my brother was living by himself when he was in his late teens. My father paid the mortgage of that flat and gave him a few euros each week for groceries. My brother stopped going to school, and the whole place looked like a heroin-addict place.

After I finished college and found myself a proper average-paying job in a Megacorp I decided to move to the flat and try to make it work. I cleaned and renovated the whole place with money out of my pocket, paid all the bills and taxes that were due and forced my brother to go to trade school. He hated me for it, but after several years of living like a bum he got some training in cooking and found himself a job. I kept paying for all the cost of living for the both of us except from the flat itself, since my parents had finalized paying for it in the meantime. This arrangement lasted around 5 years in total, until I decided to move to another country. I still was sending money to my brother each month to help him get by. Terrible mistake.

Fast forward a few years my mom decides to sell her half of the property to a third party that sues my father to go on auction for his half. After some negotiations and in order to keep my brother living there - since he's earning just enough to live and has no savings to rent anything - we find an agreement in which my father donated his half to my brother, and my brother got a mortgage for the other half, which he bough from the second party. As part of the arrangement, I agreed to pay for half of the mortgage w/o owning any property, since our local law does not allow resident and non-resident mortgages at the same time. In summary, I was paying for half of the flat without owning it on paper because "we all know and appreciate your contribution, and half of it it's yours regardless of papers". Second terrible mistake.

Last summer my brother calls me and tells me that his new girlfriend moved in, after that he informs me that all my memories from childhood (books, pictures, some family objects) were taken to the trash "since you didn't take them with you in all these years" and that he will mail me whatever he's not dumped. After thinking it through I replied that since obviously the arrangement was not honored and I was not free to use the flat to store my things I did not feel welcome anymore and I would stop contributing, I also said I would not expect any reimbursement from my previous contributions. This is the last conversation we had, and it was in August. My father has approached me to ask me to "fix things with your brother" because "you are doing very well in life and does not make a big difference for you" and "one day everything will be sorted on paper, but right now your brother needs a place to live".

Sadly this story has damaged permanently my already not very good relationship with my family and on top of that has costed me a ton of money over the years. I should have set boundaries a long time ago, but the next best time is right now, so I decided to stand and not concede. I'm getting married a few weeks from now and my brother, who was supposed to be my witness, will not attend. I want to think that is for the best.

Due to our local laws parent to child gifts should be discounted from the inheritance, so I have the right to fight for some of this money in court when my parents pass. I don't really count on any inheritance at all for my plans, anyway, and I will probably just forget about the whole thing and renounce to the remaining small spoils that will be there when my parents pass. It's just sad how mixing money and family is a recipe for disaster.

If you made it that far, thanks for reading my sob inheritance story!

AlanStache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2356 on: March 03, 2021, 09:12:27 AM »
Lomonossov - I might count you lucky that you did not have any paper work connecting you to the property; much easier to walk away financially.  Leaving family to there own mess can be hard. 

better late

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2357 on: March 03, 2021, 09:57:30 AM »
Condolences that your sister is a thief who isn't above ripping off family and still emotionally abuses the family.

ZCP may be in order.


ZCP?  Zero contact?

Lomonossov

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2358 on: March 03, 2021, 10:03:54 AM »
Lomonossov - I might count you lucky that you did not have any paper work connecting you to the property; much easier to walk away financially.  Leaving family to there own mess can be hard.

Yeah, in that sense I was at least able to cut the losses and don't have to be worried about the lack of maintenance or missing taxes.

The personal part is complicated, but if they just want to be in contact with me for my money I'd rather stop the relationship for the time being

Imma

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2359 on: March 03, 2021, 11:19:10 AM »
Lomonossov - I might count you lucky that you did not have any paper work connecting you to the property; much easier to walk away financially.  Leaving family to there own mess can be hard.

Yeah, in that sense I was at least able to cut the losses and don't have to be worried about the lack of maintenance or missing taxes.

The personal part is complicated, but if they just want to be in contact with me for my money I'd rather stop the relationship for the time being

I'm so sorry for you. That's an awful story. It's very sad to have to cut contact with your family (I know all about it) but sometimes it's the best thing you can do for yourself. It's clear what they appreciated you for.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2360 on: March 03, 2021, 09:32:16 PM »
Condolences that your sister is a thief who isn't above ripping off family and still emotionally abuses the family.

ZCP may be in order.

ZCP?  Zero contact?

Zero Contact Policy?

jeninco

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2361 on: March 03, 2021, 09:49:16 PM »
Condolences that your sister is a thief who isn't above ripping off family and still emotionally abuses the family.

ZCP may be in order.

ZCP?  Zero contact?

Zero Contact Policy?
I think Zero Contact Protocol.  Same difference, however.

prudent_one

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2362 on: March 06, 2021, 09:03:05 AM »
Now in the beginning, I was hoping that she would do the right thing, especially since her role was now a legal responsibility and that same responsibility would ensure she would do things properly.

Having heard about estate drama with a number of friends who have endured it, I have come to realize that often you can predict how things are going to shake out. People who are morally "flexible" in everyday life will be just the same if an inheritance is involved. They brush off legalities because it's not fair, not what Dad/Mom would have wanted, I deserve, it's what's best, our situation is different... pick one or more.

The sibling who cheats on taxes, says it was a hit-and-run when they really drove into a pole, lies that their package wasn't delivered to get another one free, keeps the money from a wallet they found... that's who they are. And it won't be any different when an inheritance is involved with family.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2363 on: March 06, 2021, 02:56:43 PM »
Now in the beginning, I was hoping that she would do the right thing, especially since her role was now a legal responsibility and that same responsibility would ensure she would do things properly.

Having heard about estate drama with a number of friends who have endured it, I have come to realize that often you can predict how things are going to shake out. People who are morally "flexible" in everyday life will be just the same if an inheritance is involved. They brush off legalities because it's not fair, not what Dad/Mom would have wanted, I deserve, it's what's best, our situation is different... pick one or more.

The sibling who cheats on taxes, says it was a hit-and-run when they really drove into a pole, lies that their package wasn't delivered to get another one free, keeps the money from a wallet they found... that's who they are. And it won't be any different when an inheritance is involved with family.
Off topic
Morally flexible reminds me of a housemate I had once, who was drummed out of a foreign military service for "excessive moral flexibility". 
Allegedly he whacked persons outside of the rules of engagement.
Nice guy, never showed even any irritation towards me, but not someone who's "big red button" you jam down on.
It's a high bar to leap over, but it allegedly can be done (third party story).   
I'd trust him with my wallet totally, and apparently others did with other stuff (too identifying info to specify what the stuff was).

better late

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2364 on: March 06, 2021, 04:30:16 PM »
Hi all,

After reading the full thread from cover to cover, I decided to tell my inheritance drama as well. It's been an expensive way to learn some lessons. Forget the probable grammar and spelling mistakes of this non-native speaker, if you will. Just another long story, but I hope you find it interesting.

My family, like every other family, doesn't work properly. Mine works a little bit worse than the average, though. My parents got married, divorced, remarried (with each other) again, redivorced and remarried (to other people). My mom got herself a third divorce from the unlucky guy who decided to marry her, my father is still hanging in there. From each of the marriages between themselves, a son was born: I have a smaller brother. I'm 33, he's 25.

Most of my childhood is defined by visit to courts about custody and pre and post-divorce arguments about money. The fact that my parents are not able to handle finances properly is what led to the divorce in the first place. All the estate they were ever able to put together was a very small flat where my brother and I lived, while they were coming and going through the years as a result of different custody agreements and court orders. Every time a new parent came, it brought along pets, couples and their new life. Nobody really cared about my brother and me, we were mostly the free ticket to living in the property.

Eventually, I found a job and left. I was in college and working full time to rent a bedroom, but I was so happy I never had to come back to that place that I didn't care about being poor. My brother was a teenager at the time, and was stuck in that flat. As a result of the last custody change, my father was responsible but he just had found the woman that would become his wife, and decided to move with her, which meant that my brother was living by himself when he was in his late teens. My father paid the mortgage of that flat and gave him a few euros each week for groceries. My brother stopped going to school, and the whole place looked like a heroin-addict place.

After I finished college and found myself a proper average-paying job in a Megacorp I decided to move to the flat and try to make it work. I cleaned and renovated the whole place with money out of my pocket, paid all the bills and taxes that were due and forced my brother to go to trade school. He hated me for it, but after several years of living like a bum he got some training in cooking and found himself a job. I kept paying for all the cost of living for the both of us except from the flat itself, since my parents had finalized paying for it in the meantime. This arrangement lasted around 5 years in total, until I decided to move to another country. I still was sending money to my brother each month to help him get by. Terrible mistake.

Fast forward a few years my mom decides to sell her half of the property to a third party that sues my father to go on auction for his half. After some negotiations and in order to keep my brother living there - since he's earning just enough to live and has no savings to rent anything - we find an agreement in which my father donated his half to my brother, and my brother got a mortgage for the other half, which he bough from the second party. As part of the arrangement, I agreed to pay for half of the mortgage w/o owning any property, since our local law does not allow resident and non-resident mortgages at the same time. In summary, I was paying for half of the flat without owning it on paper because "we all know and appreciate your contribution, and half of it it's yours regardless of papers". Second terrible mistake.

Last summer my brother calls me and tells me that his new girlfriend moved in, after that he informs me that all my memories from childhood (books, pictures, some family objects) were taken to the trash "since you didn't take them with you in all these years" and that he will mail me whatever he's not dumped. After thinking it through I replied that since obviously the arrangement was not honored and I was not free to use the flat to store my things I did not feel welcome anymore and I would stop contributing, I also said I would not expect any reimbursement from my previous contributions. This is the last conversation we had, and it was in August. My father has approached me to ask me to "fix things with your brother" because "you are doing very well in life and does not make a big difference for you" and "one day everything will be sorted on paper, but right now your brother needs a place to live".

Sadly this story has damaged permanently my already not very good relationship with my family and on top of that has costed me a ton of money over the years. I should have set boundaries a long time ago, but the next best time is right now, so I decided to stand and not concede. I'm getting married a few weeks from now and my brother, who was supposed to be my witness, will not attend. I want to think that is for the best.

Due to our local laws parent to child gifts should be discounted from the inheritance, so I have the right to fight for some of this money in court when my parents pass. I don't really count on any inheritance at all for my plans, anyway, and I will probably just forget about the whole thing and renounce to the remaining small spoils that will be there when my parents pass. It's just sad how mixing money and family is a recipe for disaster.

If you made it that far, thanks for reading my sob inheritance story!

 Wondering if your brother "neglected" to mention to his girlfriend that you were paying 1/2 the mortgage cost of the apartment and somehow he framed it as you just irresponsibly left your stuff there. In any case, he sounds pretty incredible to me. Someone gave him half an apartment and you were splitting the cost of the other half without living there and somehow he managed screw it up by being a jerk. 

TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2365 on: March 06, 2021, 09:17:43 PM »
Condolences that your sister is a thief who isn't above ripping off family and still emotionally abuses the family.

ZCP may be in order.


ZCP?  Zero contact?

Zero Contact Protocol.

Set up a filter to route their email directly to the trash. Do not read the trash. Block them on all social media.  Block their number on your phone. etc.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2366 on: March 07, 2021, 11:03:54 AM »

The sibling who cheats on taxes, says it was a hit-and-run when they really drove into a pole, lies that their package wasn't delivered to get another one free, keeps the money from a wallet they found... that's who they are. And it won't be any different when an inheritance is involved with family. 

Executor sister was always the difficult, more "morally flexible" one growing up but as I left the family home shortly after college and no longer had to live with her, only seeing her socially for years afterward, I made the erroneous assumption that she actually matured, especially since she was a parent and she didn't tolerate too much nonsense from my nephews.   My BIL, her husband, now he was known to be more "morally flexible" but since this was my sister as executor and not him, I didn't worry too much about that.   Over the last couple of years, I have gotten a lot of stories from my youngest sister on both of them that are pretty damning on the personal integrity front.  Had I know this stuff beforehand, yeah, then I would have totally expected to see how things went down.  Youngest sister didn't share these things with me before because, in spite of what she knew, she did expect executor sister be honest since this was our parents' estate.

They brush off legalities because it's not fair, not what Dad/Mom would have wanted, I deserve, it's what's best, our situation is different.. pick one or more. 

"not fair", "I deserve" and "our situation is different" that was executor sister.  In spite of our parents telling us that the estate was to be evenly split 3 ways: "share and share alike" were their exact words, sister thought it was unfair.    She definitely felt she deserved more because she lived the closest to my parents (5 minutes away) which meant dealing with all the emergencies in their final years.   But I also learned that for years prior, my folks had her on speed dial for all kinds of things, things that were more a convenience than a need, as they were still healthy and independent to do these things themselves.  They came to rely on her long before they needed help and I think she fell into that dynamic because she had been tagged the "bad daughter" for so long this was her chance to prove herself the "good daughter who never says no" instead. The "our situation is different" piece was that her mindset was that she and BIL had kids as opposed to myself and youngest sister who have none.   Nephews were about to go to college and executor sister was wringing her hands over the college costs.

FWIW, youngest sister and I agreed to let executor sister have certain things such as our parents' car, our mother's jewelry, pretty much told her to take whatever she wanted from the house rather than insisting on a 3 way value split on those things.   We figured the financial aspect (house, bank accounts) was governed by the will / trust and she would be beholden to that especially since she had an attorney.   Turns out she wasn't even listening to her own attorney, I have it on good authority that she was an impossible client. 




Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2367 on: March 07, 2021, 12:55:37 PM »
Wow, your sister and mine have a lot in common. At least mine wasn't the executor, but she did plenty of damage and was a general pain in the ass.

TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2368 on: March 07, 2021, 01:34:23 PM »
Wow, your sister and mine have a lot in common. At least mine wasn't the executor, but she did plenty of damage and was a general pain in the ass.

Thank goodness my parents are preparing to sell their house this year and drastically downsize. A good chunk of potential "stuff" drama should be headed off. Not all, of course.

Financial accounts are already set up with beneficiaries, so that won't even go through the estate.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2369 on: March 07, 2021, 02:17:46 PM »
Wow, your sister and mine have a lot in common. At least mine wasn't the executor, but she did plenty of damage and was a general pain in the ass.

Thank goodness my parents are preparing to sell their house this year and drastically downsize. A good chunk of potential "stuff" drama should be headed off. Not all, of course.

Financial accounts are already set up with beneficiaries, so that won't even go through the estate.
While I don't worry about my sister, I'm still temped to get disinherited to remove potential hassle. :-)
My stepmom is likely to live for quite a while, and has a plan for my dad's stuff (ham radio). The plan is an auction.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2370 on: March 07, 2021, 04:31:36 PM »
Wow, your sister and mine have a lot in common. At least mine wasn't the executor, but she did plenty of damage and was a general pain in the ass.

Youngest sister and I suspect that executor sister, having financial POA for my Dad after my mom died, did a number of questionable things once she had control.  She was constantly stressing out about "money being left for Dad" even as we still had Mom to take care of and got angry when I told her we had to worry about Mom first and sort things out for Dad later.  Mom qualified for Medicaid assistance but executor sister mysteriously stopped making the application.   Mom didn't live that long afterward but executor sister pushed both me and youngest sister to cover some funeral costs because she was concerned about "money being left for Dad".  In the 2/12 years between my Mom's death and my Dad's the retirement account dropped significantly and while we knew of significant costs like paying for my parents' cremation niches and some money was being drawn on a monthly basis to cover the difference between Dad's social security and his living costs, it still didn't account for the total drop in those 2 1/2 years.  Because executor sister wasn't legally accountable to us during the time she had financial POA, we couldn't force any accounting from her, only for during the time she was executor and she was resistant to that.  The accounting was stipulated in the will / trust and also required by state law.   She blew through a number of legalities according to our attorney and I believe she gave me the authority to sell our parents' house because her own attorney strong armed her into it. 

While I don't worry about my sister, I'm still temped to get disinherited to remove potential hassle. :-)

I was considering possibly removing myself as beneficiary had the estate situation continued to drag out.   It was down to hire an attorney to force things to move now or let executor sister carry on as she was, causing the estate to lose value to the point it would not be worth it.   The house sold 6 weeks before Covid lockdowns in our state began.   Executor sister was finding all kinds of reasons not to list the house (even though it was mostly cleared out, fixed up and the real estate agent she contacted was bugging her on a weekly basis) and no doubt Covid would have become another reason not to list.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2021, 04:42:00 PM by saguaro »

Lomonossov

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2371 on: March 08, 2021, 03:00:15 AM »
Wondering if your brother "neglected" to mention to his girlfriend that you were paying 1/2 the mortgage cost of the apartment and somehow he framed it as you just irresponsibly left your stuff there. In any case, he sounds pretty incredible to me. Someone gave him half an apartment and you were splitting the cost of the other half without living there and somehow he managed screw it up by being a jerk.

I only met her once (because of pandemic) and we did not get along very well from the beginning, we're very different kind of people.

Both my brother and I had a horrible childhood full of visits to court, absent parents too busy fighting each other to look after us and were neglected and dismissed on a regular basis. My parents, for example, don't know what degree I was doing in college or when I finished it.

The big difference between us is that I spent a lot of money and time in therapy until I got rid of most of the hatred and reconciled with most of my childhood memories. My brother is still so angry for things that happened 10 or 15 years ago that thinks that all the Universe (including me, of course) owns him reparations for all his suffering. I tried to give him a hand for a very long time - monetary and otherwise - but I'm not responsible for him nor will I be dragged to that dark place full of "I did, you did, mom did, dad did" speech.

It took me a very long time to get out of there, I hope he's able to do so as well and we can have a normal relationship in the future. He has to walk that path on his own, if he chooses to. My personal work now is focused on understand that he may choose not to do it, and is a decision I have to respect as well.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2372 on: March 08, 2021, 08:58:56 AM »
The big difference between us is that I spent a lot of money and time in therapy until I got rid of most of the hatred and reconciled with most of my childhood memories. My brother is still so angry for things that happened 10 or 15 years ago that thinks that all the Universe (including me, of course) owns him reparations for all his suffering. I tried to give him a hand for a very long time - monetary and otherwise - but I'm not responsible for him nor will I be dragged to that dark place full of "I did, you did, mom did, dad did" speech.

As someone in therapy right now, glad to hear that it helped you come to terms and move forward.

To the bolded: this is exactly executor sister.   She is not only angry for past wrongs, real and perceived, done to her but she was so enmeshed with our parents, she is angry on their behalf, years after their passing.    And she loves to do the "I did this, you did that, Mom said this, Dad said that".    I don't know how someone can go through life being so angry.   I understand being angry about things for the shorter term, but longer term (as in decades long which is what we are talking about here) or being mad on behalf of other people (who were less angry about the situation than you are and years ago), I don't get it.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2373 on: March 08, 2021, 08:24:24 PM »
The big difference between us is that I spent a lot of money and time in therapy until I got rid of most of the hatred and reconciled with most of my childhood memories. My brother is still so angry for things that happened 10 or 15 years ago that thinks that all the Universe (including me, of course) owns him reparations for all his suffering. I tried to give him a hand for a very long time - monetary and otherwise - but I'm not responsible for him nor will I be dragged to that dark place full of "I did, you did, mom did, dad did" speech.

As someone in therapy right now, glad to hear that it helped you come to terms and move forward.

To the bolded: this is exactly executor sister.   She is not only angry for past wrongs, real and perceived, done to her but she was so enmeshed with our parents, she is angry on their behalf, years after their passing.    And she loves to do the "I did this, you did that, Mom said this, Dad said that".    I don't know how someone can go through life being so angry.   I understand being angry about things for the shorter term, but longer term (as in decades long which is what we are talking about here) or being mad on behalf of other people (who were less angry about the situation than you are and years ago), I don't get it.

Living one’s life in victim mode makes it easier to justify bad behaviour.  People give themselves a pass on decency because they’ve been hard done by and believe they deserve more than they got, so they’re taking whatever they can now.  The thing is, no amount of “payment” now will undo past damage.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2374 on: March 09, 2021, 03:45:24 AM »
As someone in therapy right now, glad to hear that it helped you come to terms and move forward.

To the bolded: this is exactly executor sister.   She is not only angry for past wrongs, real and perceived, done to her but she was so enmeshed with our parents, she is angry on their behalf, years after their passing.    And she loves to do the "I did this, you did that, Mom said this, Dad said that".    I don't know how someone can go through life being so angry.   I understand being angry about things for the shorter term, but longer term (as in decades long which is what we are talking about here) or being mad on behalf of other people (who were less angry about the situation than you are and years ago), I don't get it.

Living one’s life in victim mode makes it easier to justify bad behaviour.  People give themselves a pass on decency because they’ve been hard done by and believe they deserve more than they got, so they’re taking whatever they can now.  The thing is, no amount of “payment” now will undo past damage.

I don't think is a matter of easy vs. hard. All memories and past experiences define us as individuals. In my personal case I considered myself a victim of my childhood for a very long time, and it did not limit myself very much for all practical purposes: I had good friends, loving relationships and a decent career.

But there was (sometimes, there still is) an interior feeling of bitterness and anger that whispers "I did not deserve that, I should have been loved more, treated better". And, although you can live a normal adult life with that whispering inside you, and in fact most people do, it will limit the amount of happiness you can experience. I found out that sometimes it does trigger jealousy and envy about other people's happiness: since I deserve more than them, how come they can be happy and I cannot?

Is hard to let go such a significant part of our personal history and make the conscious decision of not letting your past define your present, get rid of that source of identity and stop playing that role in your present situations just because you were dragged into that behavior years or decades ago. Inertia is a powerful force of nature, once you're used to behave in a certain way and you know how to play that part it will take a significant amount of will to actively change that.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2375 on: March 09, 2021, 07:03:22 AM »
As someone in therapy right now, glad to hear that it helped you come to terms and move forward.

To the bolded: this is exactly executor sister.   She is not only angry for past wrongs, real and perceived, done to her but she was so enmeshed with our parents, she is angry on their behalf, years after their passing.    And she loves to do the "I did this, you did that, Mom said this, Dad said that".    I don't know how someone can go through life being so angry.   I understand being angry about things for the shorter term, but longer term (as in decades long which is what we are talking about here) or being mad on behalf of other people (who were less angry about the situation than you are and years ago), I don't get it.

Living one’s life in victim mode makes it easier to justify bad behaviour.  People give themselves a pass on decency because they’ve been hard done by and believe they deserve more than they got, so they’re taking whatever they can now.  The thing is, no amount of “payment” now will undo past damage.

I don't think is a matter of easy vs. hard. All memories and past experiences define us as individuals. In my personal case I considered myself a victim of my childhood for a very long time, and it did not limit myself very much for all practical purposes: I had good friends, loving relationships and a decent career.

But there was (sometimes, there still is) an interior feeling of bitterness and anger that whispers "I did not deserve that, I should have been loved more, treated better". And, although you can live a normal adult life with that whispering inside you, and in fact most people do, it will limit the amount of happiness you can experience. I found out that sometimes it does trigger jealousy and envy about other people's happiness: since I deserve more than them, how come they can be happy and I cannot?

Is hard to let go such a significant part of our personal history and make the conscious decision of not letting your past define your present, get rid of that source of identity and stop playing that role in your present situations just because you were dragged into that behavior years or decades ago. Inertia is a powerful force of nature, once you're used to behave in a certain way and you know how to play that part it will take a significant amount of will to actively change that.
I don't get the impression that anyone's saying it's easy, just that it's very much worth doing. If you feel you're not getting what you "deserve", the path to change comes from within. Therapy is a great tool to help you construct a better narrative for  the rest of your life.

racquetcat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2376 on: March 10, 2021, 09:58:35 AM »
I have some interesting farm inheritance drama that has now lead to non-drama (hopefully) for the next generation. First the back story (many details are vague because this all happened when my DW was ~14 yrs old and I’ve just heard bits and pieces over the years we’ve been married).

My FIL grew up farming with his father (my DW’s grandfather) and has been farming his whole life (except for the 4 years he spent in college). My FIL’s mother died and his father married again, this 2nd wife is known to me only as the “wicked witch”. Basically from what I gather she was mean and tried to cut out my FIL and his siblings out of any inheritance. A couple of specific examples of her that I’ve gotten are: FIL’s father got cancer, she wouldn’t drive him to the hospital to receive chemotherapy and my FIL/MIL were both working full time to scrape by so my ~14 year old future DW had to drive her grandfather to the hospital and sit with him while he received chemotherapy. After my FIL’s father’s death the 2nd wife did not invite my FIL to the funeral and did not let him have any of his father’s ashes. Fast forward 20 years and my MIL receives an email from the wicked witch’s adult daughter. The daughter basically says, I know my mother was a real piece of work and I feel bad for what she did to your family. She has access to her mother’s safety deposit box and found the ashes of my FIL’s father and wanted to return them to the family. They met in person and have a nice conversation and we were part of a small grave side service to bury my FIL’s father’s ashes 20 years after his death.

All of that back story was to say that my FIL/MIL did not want what happened to them to happen to my DW and her brother. So at Christmas we took a family tour of all the farm land owned, the history of the land, and who it would be going to (which is all recorded in a trust and will). Farms can be tricky because just splitting the acreage 50/50 between siblings might not be fair due to the productivity of certain fields. So my FIL looked at past yields, acres, pasture rent, etc. and tried to split up the land with equal value between my DW and her brother. It was kind of weird, because in a way it's like walking into someone's personal bank vault and looking at the piles of cash and them saying "you get this pile, you get this pile". My FIL/MIL are only in their mid 60’s so I’m very happy that they’ve planned well and have communicated it all to their kids so early.

 On the other side of my DW’s extended family is her MIL’s parents. They are in their 80’s and have amassed a large farming operation. 4 kids (of which my MIL is one). The only son has stayed and worked on the farm his whole life and has taken much of the elderly parent caring duties on as he lives the closest. They have not communicated any of their estate plans to my MIL, but she suspects that the brother who farms with the parents knows the plans. There is one sister who will likely create drama when the time comes. When there is a child who has helped expand and grow the farming business some people think they have earned a larger share of the inheritance, while others feel it should be split equally because coming home to farm wasn’t a choice given to the other children (due to either career choices or gender, these people are very “old fashioned”). It will be interesting to see what happens when the time comes.

Does anyone else have any farm inheritance drama or stories?

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2377 on: March 10, 2021, 10:02:11 AM »
Yes. Farm inheritance stupidity here. Will give update later, but bottom line: no movement on inheritance due to 1recalcitrant sibling who has managed to postpone it cor a year, dragging principles into court. Of course, Covid shutdowns did not aid this process.

racquetcat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2378 on: March 10, 2021, 10:33:08 AM »
Yes. Farm inheritance stupidity here. Will give update later, but bottom line: no movement on inheritance due to 1recalcitrant sibling who has managed to postpone it cor a year, dragging principles into court. Of course, Covid shutdowns did not aid this process.

I could see something similar happening with my MIL's parents. One of the daughters is always creating drama and feeling slighted about something. She has a upper 6 figure salary with a big consulting firm, no kids, but chooses to spend her money very questionably. I'm sure she'll be upset about whatever she gets when the time comes.

I don't really know much about farming, but there are farmers on both sides of my DW's family and my father's parents farmed, so if the time comes ( 30-40 years from now) to inherit farm land I have no idea what my DW and I will do with it, rent, sell, etc. By that time we'll be FIRE'd so it won't be a big deal, but it'll be an interesting decision.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2379 on: March 10, 2021, 11:30:36 AM »
Does "upper 6 figure" salary mean $700,000+ annually?

racquetcat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2380 on: March 10, 2021, 11:58:35 AM »
Does "upper 6 figure" salary mean $700,000+ annually?

The numbers I've heard second hand are in the $750,000 range annually, I'm not sure if that includes/excludes bonuses etc. But she calls my MIL and complains about it not being enough and was mad when she wanted to buy a condo and her parents wouldn't co-sign a loan for it, silly stuff for someone making that amount of money.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2381 on: March 10, 2021, 12:02:07 PM »
What in the actual fuck could she possibly be doing with all that money that she needs a co-signer to buy a condo? Also I'd love to see the condo - imagine it is probably an amazing space in a major city somewhere.

racquetcat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2382 on: March 10, 2021, 12:36:13 PM »
What in the actual fuck could she possibly be doing with all that money that she needs a co-signer to buy a condo? Also I'd love to see the condo - imagine it is probably an amazing space in a major city somewhere.

I think that's the family's thoughts too!

The condo is downtown in a major city so she can walk to the fancy restaurants she frequents. Other potential money drains are a designer dog, a car even though she can walk to work, fancy pants exclusive gym membership, and frequent long exotic vacations. I'm sure there's more, but I usually only know info I get second hand.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2383 on: March 10, 2021, 02:20:22 PM »
My MIL inherited a share of a farm.  I don't know all the details and I think she was pretty chill about it, just willing to take whatever was handed out, whenever.  But it dragged on for years.  She would get a check for her share of the soy bean crop, but the property wasn't sold for (I believe) a decade, not by the choice of her. 

I think the big issue with farms is that often the sibling(s) who want to keep it can't afford to buy out the others, but most of the siblings don't want to keep it.  So half wants to force a sale and the other half (or portion) wants to keep the farm but can't buy the other shares.  And that creates tension and bad feelings and stress.  If the estate happens to have enough other assets to offset at least most of the farm, it won't be an issue, but it seems that is rarely the case. 


racquetcat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2384 on: March 10, 2021, 02:49:31 PM »
My MIL inherited a share of a farm.  I don't know all the details and I think she was pretty chill about it, just willing to take whatever was handed out, whenever.  But it dragged on for years.  She would get a check for her share of the soy bean crop, but the property wasn't sold for (I believe) a decade, not by the choice of her. 

I think the big issue with farms is that often the sibling(s) who want to keep it can't afford to buy out the others, but most of the siblings don't want to keep it.  So half wants to force a sale and the other half (or portion) wants to keep the farm but can't buy the other shares.  And that creates tension and bad feelings and stress.  If the estate happens to have enough other assets to offset at least most of the farm, it won't be an issue, but it seems that is rarely the case.

Yeah, through several generations a farm can be broken down to so many people that you can have like 15 people that own a couple of acres and then the situation you described happens.

Owning farm ground can be a decent passive income I believe, through cash rent, hunting leases, pasture leases, etc. Just like any real estate it all depends on location and quality to know what kind of income you can make. It would be interesting to see if any one on this board had invested in farm land.
--->to the real estate investing thread!!!

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2385 on: March 10, 2021, 04:39:36 PM »
Does anyone else have any farm inheritance drama or stories?

Mom was one of 3 siblings, the middle one.   My parents and her brother bought a 2nd farm with her dad.   When her parents died the original farm was organized into a partnership with ownership split evenly 3 ways.  The 2nd farm was organized into a second partnership and split 50-50.

Brother was very business savvy plus he lived closest to the farm so he ran the businesses.   He found farm families in the area to farm the land in a sharecropping arrangement.   Those sharecropping arrangements have been running on a handshake basis for over 50 years with nary a problem.   That's pretty awesome.

My mom was the first of the 3 siblings to pass (my dad having passed away 5 years earlier), so I inherited her 1/3rd of the original farm and her 1/2 of the 2nd farm.    My uncle (her brother) knew what he was doing so I just left things as they were.   My uncle had taught his son (my cousin) the business and my cousin had taught his son so succession planning was in place.   

My uncle passed away about 2 years ago.   We're now in the process of changing the partnerships to a regular corporate form with a corporate manager instead.    We want to do that because as the number of partners increases, the harder it is to get in touch with everyone.  Plus, legally, if a partner agrees to something for the partnership the other partners just agreed to it to, whether they wanted to or not.   That's just a problem that is bound to happen eventually -- possibly within my generation after my uncle's wife and my aunt die.  :(   I want that liability locked down before 2 of my 6 cousins are in the partnership (and so do their brothers and sisters, so it's not just me).

I should be receiving a draft of the agreement to review within a week or so.    :)

Things that should be in it are options for first refusal among family members if someone wants to sell their share of the farm and how much the corporate manager can spend/commit to without owner approval.

So, happily, the only sad drama is that my uncle and my parents passed away.   We're hoping we can keep it that way.

I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2386 on: March 10, 2021, 05:59:33 PM »
Does anyone else have any farm inheritance drama or stories?

Mom was one of 3 siblings, the middle one.   My parents and her brother bought a 2nd farm with her dad.   When her parents died the original farm was organized into a partnership with ownership split evenly 3 ways.  The 2nd farm was organized into a second partnership and split 50-50.

Brother was very business savvy plus he lived closest to the farm so he ran the businesses.   He found farm families in the area to farm the land in a sharecropping arrangement.   Those sharecropping arrangements have been running on a handshake basis for over 50 years with nary a problem.   That's pretty awesome.

My mom was the first of the 3 siblings to pass (my dad having passed away 5 years earlier), so I inherited her 1/3rd of the original farm and her 1/2 of the 2nd farm.    My uncle (her brother) knew what he was doing so I just left things as they were.   My uncle had taught his son (my cousin) the business and my cousin had taught his son so succession planning was in place.   

My uncle passed away about 2 years ago.   We're now in the process of changing the partnerships to a regular corporate form with a corporate manager instead.    We want to do that because as the number of partners increases, the harder it is to get in touch with everyone.  Plus, legally, if a partner agrees to something for the partnership the other partners just agreed to it to, whether they wanted to or not.   That's just a problem that is bound to happen eventually -- possibly within my generation after my uncle's wife and my aunt die.  :(   I want that liability locked down before 2 of my 6 cousins are in the partnership (and so do their brothers and sisters, so it's not just me).

I should be receiving a draft of the agreement to review within a week or so.    :)

Things that should be in it are options for first refusal among family members if someone wants to sell their share of the farm and how much the corporate manager can spend/commit to without owner approval.

So, happily, the only sad drama is that my uncle and my parents passed away.   We're hoping we can keep it that way.

I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)
Why do you want your money tied up in land you cannot sell?

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2387 on: March 10, 2021, 06:20:45 PM »
Does anyone else have any farm inheritance drama or stories?

Mom was one of 3 siblings, the middle one.   My parents and her brother bought a 2nd farm with her dad.   When her parents died the original farm was organized into a partnership with ownership split evenly 3 ways.  The 2nd farm was organized into a second partnership and split 50-50.

Brother was very business savvy plus he lived closest to the farm so he ran the businesses.   He found farm families in the area to farm the land in a sharecropping arrangement.   Those sharecropping arrangements have been running on a handshake basis for over 50 years with nary a problem.   That's pretty awesome.

My mom was the first of the 3 siblings to pass (my dad having passed away 5 years earlier), so I inherited her 1/3rd of the original farm and her 1/2 of the 2nd farm.    My uncle (her brother) knew what he was doing so I just left things as they were.   My uncle had taught his son (my cousin) the business and my cousin had taught his son so succession planning was in place.   

My uncle passed away about 2 years ago.   We're now in the process of changing the partnerships to a regular corporate form with a corporate manager instead.    We want to do that because as the number of partners increases, the harder it is to get in touch with everyone.  Plus, legally, if a partner agrees to something for the partnership the other partners just agreed to it to, whether they wanted to or not.   That's just a problem that is bound to happen eventually -- possibly within my generation after my uncle's wife and my aunt die.  :(   I want that liability locked down before 2 of my 6 cousins are in the partnership (and so do their brothers and sisters, so it's not just me).

I should be receiving a draft of the agreement to review within a week or so.    :)

Things that should be in it are options for first refusal among family members if someone wants to sell their share of the farm and how much the corporate manager can spend/commit to without owner approval.

So, happily, the only sad drama is that my uncle and my parents passed away.   We're hoping we can keep it that way.

I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)
Why do you want your money tied up in land you cannot sell?

Who said I can't sell it?   Or wouldn't be allowed to sell it?

Oh, maybe you don't understand the right of first refusal?   It does NOT mean "someone can say you can't sell the land". 

It means if you want to sell the land, the other members of the family have the option to purchase it first, before you can sell it outside the family.  If no one wants (or is able) to buy it on the terms offered, then the owner would be free to sell to anyone who wants to buy it at those terms.  That's all.   It's a way to avoid having to be in business with strangers, particularly strangers who are mega-corporations who most certainly won't have our interests at heart.

Obviously, it needs to be fair and balanced, so that it's easy to sell it for market value and other family members can't force you to offer it to them at a ridiculously low price. 

As for why I want some of my wealth tied up in that land, it makes me money every year.     It's an uncorrelated source of income that's independent of our stock and bond portfolio, our rental home portfolio, and our social security income.     

I doubt my share of the farm land sale would raise enough, especially after taxes, to purchase a stock portfolio that would provide the same level of income at the 4% rule.  I would lose the uncorrelated source of income too, thus increasing volatility in our income while we're FIRED. 

Plus, the current arrangement has served my uncle and aunt for 50+ years and I don't want to be a dick and rock the boat.   They're not only family, they're good family and I love them.


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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2388 on: March 10, 2021, 06:49:32 PM »
I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)

Even if it's technically out of place on this thread, I can honestly say I'm very happy to read about a proactive, amicable plan. :-)

racquetcat

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2389 on: March 10, 2021, 07:05:45 PM »
Does anyone else have any farm inheritance drama or stories?

Mom was one of 3 siblings, the middle one.   My parents and her brother bought a 2nd farm with her dad.   When her parents died the original farm was organized into a partnership with ownership split evenly 3 ways.  The 2nd farm was organized into a second partnership and split 50-50.

Brother was very business savvy plus he lived closest to the farm so he ran the businesses.   He found farm families in the area to farm the land in a sharecropping arrangement.   Those sharecropping arrangements have been running on a handshake basis for over 50 years with nary a problem.   That's pretty awesome.

My mom was the first of the 3 siblings to pass (my dad having passed away 5 years earlier), so I inherited her 1/3rd of the original farm and her 1/2 of the 2nd farm.    My uncle (her brother) knew what he was doing so I just left things as they were.   My uncle had taught his son (my cousin) the business and my cousin had taught his son so succession planning was in place.   

My uncle passed away about 2 years ago.   We're now in the process of changing the partnerships to a regular corporate form with a corporate manager instead.    We want to do that because as the number of partners increases, the harder it is to get in touch with everyone.  Plus, legally, if a partner agrees to something for the partnership the other partners just agreed to it to, whether they wanted to or not.   That's just a problem that is bound to happen eventually -- possibly within my generation after my uncle's wife and my aunt die.  :(   I want that liability locked down before 2 of my 6 cousins are in the partnership (and so do their brothers and sisters, so it's not just me).

I should be receiving a draft of the agreement to review within a week or so.    :)

Things that should be in it are options for first refusal among family members if someone wants to sell their share of the farm and how much the corporate manager can spend/commit to without owner approval.

So, happily, the only sad drama is that my uncle and my parents passed away.   We're hoping we can keep it that way.

I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)

That's great that the farm has stayed in the family, is making money, and there is no drama involved!

Those handshake deals always make me laugh! One example from my FIL is that he rents out some of his pasture to hunters every year. We asked him, "how do you find hunters that want to pay for the rights to hunt on it", his answer was "call Rick, but he's about 80 years old, doesn't hear well, only has a home phone, doesn't have an answering machine, and sometimes doesn't answer his phone at all, but he always has hunters lined up".

All the kids and in laws were just kind of stunned, like uh, ok, sure, we'll probably just put it on some website or something, but thanks.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2390 on: March 11, 2021, 06:39:42 AM »
I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)

Even if it's technically out of place on this thread, I can honestly say I'm very happy to read about a proactive, amicable plan. :-)

Credit to your family for keeping your better angels at the table.

Now we need to hear from some more train-wrecks!

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2391 on: March 11, 2021, 08:12:06 AM »
Does anyone else have any farm inheritance drama or stories?

Mom was one of 3 siblings, the middle one.   My parents and her brother bought a 2nd farm with her dad.   When her parents died the original farm was organized into a partnership with ownership split evenly 3 ways.  The 2nd farm was organized into a second partnership and split 50-50.

Brother was very business savvy plus he lived closest to the farm so he ran the businesses.   He found farm families in the area to farm the land in a sharecropping arrangement.   Those sharecropping arrangements have been running on a handshake basis for over 50 years with nary a problem.   That's pretty awesome.

My mom was the first of the 3 siblings to pass (my dad having passed away 5 years earlier), so I inherited her 1/3rd of the original farm and her 1/2 of the 2nd farm.    My uncle (her brother) knew what he was doing so I just left things as they were.   My uncle had taught his son (my cousin) the business and my cousin had taught his son so succession planning was in place.   

My uncle passed away about 2 years ago.   We're now in the process of changing the partnerships to a regular corporate form with a corporate manager instead.    We want to do that because as the number of partners increases, the harder it is to get in touch with everyone.  Plus, legally, if a partner agrees to something for the partnership the other partners just agreed to it to, whether they wanted to or not.   That's just a problem that is bound to happen eventually -- possibly within my generation after my uncle's wife and my aunt die.  :(   I want that liability locked down before 2 of my 6 cousins are in the partnership (and so do their brothers and sisters, so it's not just me).

I should be receiving a draft of the agreement to review within a week or so.    :)

Things that should be in it are options for first refusal among family members if someone wants to sell their share of the farm and how much the corporate manager can spend/commit to without owner approval.

So, happily, the only sad drama is that my uncle and my parents passed away.   We're hoping we can keep it that way.

I can honestly say I'm very happy to have disappointed those of you wanted horrible drama based on sordid behavior.  :)

That's great that the farm has stayed in the family, is making money, and there is no drama involved!

Those handshake deals always make me laugh! One example from my FIL is that he rents out some of his pasture to hunters every year. We asked him, "how do you find hunters that want to pay for the rights to hunt on it", his answer was "call Rick, but he's about 80 years old, doesn't hear well, only has a home phone, doesn't have an answering machine, and sometimes doesn't answer his phone at all, but he always has hunters lined up".

All the kids and in laws were just kind of stunned, like uh, ok, sure, we'll probably just put it on some website or something, but thanks.
It sounds as though Rick is thoroughly plugged in to local society and has good paying clients lined up.  I'd be careful of passing that up in order to get who knows off the internet.  I certainly wouldn't do it without getting in touch with Rick first to see if he wanted to carry on - in a rural community that isn't a good look to starting managing a property.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2392 on: March 11, 2021, 08:44:59 AM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks automatically provided to them. They had a falling out with their family and are not currently speaking to key family members who control purse strings. The big family money has been cut off from them and the young couple have a paltry net worth of around $10-$15 million.

They sank $5 million into a $14 million home. They are counting on their ability to earn money through contracts In the entertainment industry and social media. They do have one contract for $3 million a year so that might see them through.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t buy that  expensive property with their smallish assets.That’s probably Pete-level money at this point in Pete’s life.

I guess if they wander into this website for financial help, we can ask them to post a case study.


zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2393 on: March 11, 2021, 08:57:07 AM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks....
Hehehe, I see what you did there! :)

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2394 on: March 11, 2021, 09:41:36 AM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks....
Hehehe, I see what you did there! :)

(Giggle)  Yeah.

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2395 on: March 11, 2021, 11:22:15 AM »
I guess I'm astounded that the lifestyle of that couple was only $800,000 annually.

Catbert

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2396 on: March 11, 2021, 11:43:31 AM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks automatically provided to them. They had a falling out with their family and are not currently speaking to key family members who control purse strings. The big family money has been cut off from them and the young couple have a paltry net worth of around $10-$15 million.

They sank $5 million into a $14 million home. They are counting on their ability to earn money through contracts In the entertainment industry and social media. They do have one contract for $3 million a year so that might see them through.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t buy that  expensive property with their smallish assets.That’s probably Pete-level money at this point in Pete’s life.

I guess if they wander into this website for financial help, we can ask them to post a case study.

Has this young couple recently been interviewed by Oprah by any chance?
Biting the hand that feeds you is always a bad idea.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2397 on: March 11, 2021, 11:45:54 AM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks automatically provided to them. They had a falling out with their family and are not currently speaking to key family members who control purse strings. The big family money has been cut off from them and the young couple have a paltry net worth of around $10-$15 million.

They sank $5 million into a $14 million home. They are counting on their ability to earn money through contracts In the entertainment industry and social media. They do have one contract for $3 million a year so that might see them through.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t buy that  expensive property with their smallish assets. That’s probably Pete-level money at this point in Pete’s life.

I guess if they wander into this website for financial help, we can ask them to post a case study.
OTOH, I would bet most first-time buyers purchase homes far in excess of their net worth. However, the couple you know of have significantly higher Q Scores than your average home buyer.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2398 on: March 11, 2021, 11:53:09 AM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks automatically provided to them. They had a falling out with their family and are not currently speaking to key family members who control purse strings. The big family money has been cut off from them and the young couple have a paltry net worth of around $10-$15 million.

They sank $5 million into a $14 million home. They are counting on their ability to earn money through contracts In the entertainment industry and social media. They do have one contract for $3 million a year so that might see them through.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t buy that  expensive property with their smallish assets. That’s probably Pete-level money at this point in Pete’s life.

I guess if they wander into this website for financial help, we can ask them to post a case study.
OTOH, I would bet most first-time buyers purchase homes far in excess of their net worth. However, the couple you know of have significantly higher Q Scores than your average home buyer.
are you suggesting I dont personally know this young couple?

Hahahahaha

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2399 on: March 11, 2021, 01:18:40 PM »
I know a young couple who were living a life of luxury costing around $800,000 annually with houses, cars, and many luxurious perks automatically provided to them. They had a falling out with their family and are not currently speaking to key family members who control purse strings. The big family money has been cut off from them and the young couple have a paltry net worth of around $10-$15 million.

They sank $5 million into a $14 million home. They are counting on their ability to earn money through contracts In the entertainment industry and social media. They do have one contract for $3 million a year so that might see them through.

I don’t know, I wouldn’t buy that  expensive property with their smallish assets.That’s probably Pete-level money at this point in Pete’s life.

I guess if they wander into this website for financial help, we can ask them to post a case study.

Has this young couple recently been interviewed by Oprah by any chance?
Biting the hand that feeds you is always a bad idea.

Interesting, as I look at it more like a case study in what you can do when you have FU money.  That hand no longer feeds them, and they are going to be just fine.