Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 1066750 times)

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2700 on: September 23, 2021, 05:27:31 PM »
I'm not a lawyer/don't know where you are, so I'll start from that point.  I happen to have walked through these types of things with some people, though.  To your questions, here's what I would do and why:

First, a lawyer can't just up and decide to take over someone's estate.  Instead, in general, a person involved must ask for that--someone who has an interest has to ask for that.  So someone would have to get involved, most likely, to make that happen. 

I don't know how it works where you are, but in many places you'd have to go to court, notify the other siblings, and convince a judge to appoint some other lawyer to run things (which might be easy to do in this case).  All at your own cost initially, since clearly, these guys aren't going to agree to let anyone else control it but themselves. 

So, what would I do? 

1.  Consult a lawyer now, even if you don't plan to sue or be involved.  For instance, you mentioned a house.  I'm guessing they won't pay taxes on it until ownership is decided.  Maybe they'll fight over who lives there.  They'll surely fight over who pays what. 

The third heir - the honest person - will be on the hook too, though, and may get tagged for debts due for the house/estate eventually.  It can become a mess; I've seen a relative sued for foreclosure over a house she disclaimed and didn't want.  It was just good that she wasn't trying to get a mortgage at the time.  (Ditto suits if someone gets injured there.)  You may want to figure out a reasonable exit plan, even if that's just to disclaim whatever you may have been entitled to. 

2.  Hire a lawyer if you plan to take any action steps, though at least consult one regardless.  Go to a lawyer you know and trust.  You ultimately want a good estate litigation lawyer in the area near where this house/estate is (i.e. in that state and not too far away).  But you may not know one, so find a lawyer that you do know and trust to help you find the right lawyer.  That'll help in many ways, and it protects you to some extent against getting some weird scumbag. 

Short answer is that you need a consult if not a lawyer for the longer term.  Depends on what your loved one wants to do, but the best way to decide that is to go lay it all out for a lawyer and weigh the options. 

Since there's a house, I would assume that this whole fiasco will be long and ugly until.  Eventually, a bank may foreclose for debts on the house, or a government will, for taxes (and taxes may take years upon years), or the courts will ultimately take it over.  All of those futures will are messy and probably a long ways away. 

Houses are hard to sell without: (1) the titled owner or (2) agreement among those who remain.  So you may as well get some legal help to figure out what to do.  You'll rest better even if the best option is to sit on it for ten years and do nothing. 

Besides, the lawyer may give you devilish lawyer ideas like (**consult a lawyer first!!**): do nothing until the brothers are finally forced to create an estate in a court in order to sell the house and they are desperately fighting over who's in charge.  Then send in a lawyer (or a letter) to the court to notify the judge that Brother A burned the actual will and is using that to commit fraud against both the parents and the heirs.  You are ready and willing to testify and also supply the judge the names of witnesses who heard Brother A tell them that himself and have no financial interest, should this proceed, and you now request that those witnesses be called to testify.  Furthermore, you have notified the police and their presence will be requested as well.  You can politely suggest that you, the honest heir, don't want to profit from the Brothers' shenanigans, which have harmed everyone (including the court), and you lament that the actual will probably had thoughtful protections for Brother A, Brother B, you, and the Court from having to deal with this godawful ugly public mess that Brother A has now necessitated.  Sadly though, you just can't stand to sit idly by and watch Brother A profit from theft against your parents and destruction of all that they built while these brothers smear their good reputation, so you felt it necessary to propose that the court allocate Brother A's fair share to a charity/cause that your parents liked, in their honor, since we'll never know what the will said, but we know it was worse for Brother A, and that he committed fraud to stop it.  Then sit back and watch Brother A self-immolate while the court spends the rest of the case finding creative ways not to give Brother A one single dime.  Because consequences. 

But really, it may be better for your mental health to just do a consult and then walk away entirely in the most efficient manner possible and let the others go to war with one another while you're enjoying life somewhere far, far away.

I'm not saying this is the wrong approach, but the problem I would have with it is that this is work and stress and uncomfortable confrontation and time spent for me.  And the whole point of walking away is to avoid that.  For the same reason that I don't care if my choice supposedly rewards bad behavior, I have no desire to make my life worse (even just slightly so, for all the time and thought spent on this legal maneuvering) in order to make sure someone else's life is also worse.  That's the point of walking away--they don't matter in my life, and that's for better or for worse. 

So the effort I plan to make--while fully recognizing that things could change if and when this is no longer a hypothetical--will be hopefully only one meeting with a lawyer and that will be to determine how I can make sure my name is in no way associated with anything having to do with the estate, lest their be unpaid taxes or anything else.  Once I've figured out how to completely remove myself, legally from anything, I get to walk away, unburdened.  What happens with, for, and to Greedy Relative after that is entirely not my concern. 

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2701 on: September 23, 2021, 08:54:48 PM »
I'm sorry @Zamboni .  Really sorry.  I expected it to get a lot worse before it got better, but wow, that was fast.  Though when you're willing to commit fraud, I suppose it shouldn't be that surprising.  It's still sad, though, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that madness. 

And @SwordGuy is spot on, FWIW: you don't want to pay anything or accept any debt or have anything to do with it whatsoever except through a lawyer. 

Do NOT be surprised if your signatures are all forged soon, and DotLWaT opens an estate without letting anyone know.  This has crime/fraud/epic disaster written all over it. 

@Villanelle : yes, that's a completely reasonable option and one I have personally recommended to loved ones (which one went through with, I might add, to great success).  I suggested considering the same, and hopefully that wasn't minimized by the wild idea at the end.  God knows that everyone should understand (if not recommend!) high boundaries when dealing with the sort of situation that @Zamboni is living through. 

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2702 on: September 24, 2021, 08:11:50 AM »
Trying to look at the bright side, this entire episode with the destroyer of the last will and testament (DotLWaT) is providing an opportunity to learn about local estate laws.

Followed your advice and consulted with the estate lawyer who did our wills. He's a friend that I've known for years. He had some good advice and said anyone with a basic education should be able to administer an estate with the help of the county clerk. When we mentioned that that house needs very extensive clean up regardless of whether a family member moves there or it is sold, he then suggested that the county probate clerk can recommend a local attorney to be the administrator appointed by the family. That atty would handle all of the matters related to the estate accounting, legal notices, paying debtors, etc. for the state allocated rate, which depends upon the amount of assets and transactions and it is capped at $6K total. He said the clerk will know people who accept that rate. He said he would do it if it was located in a closer county, but it's a couple of hours away, so he's not interested in making any trips.

This all seemed really reasonable. SO thought he had found the solution to the bickering and suggested it to his siblings as a route to making things smooth and easy. DotLWaT wigged out and started hurling insults. She insists on doing it herself and now wants the others to sign something releasing her from the requirement to have a bond. So, yes, she has already been filing documents to be the estate administrator, which isn't surprising.

Apparently the bond is required by state law unless all of the other heirs are adults AND willing to sign a waiver of the bond. See how much we are learning?! The bond cannot be waived if any of the heirs are under 18. Sounds like the bond is supposed to provide some level of protection in case of mismanagement or incompetence or theft by the estate administrator. If everyone is normal, sure, sign it.

SO declined to sign that for obvious reasons. More rage. More insults. DotLWaT does not like rules or boundaries. Now says she will smear his name to anyone who will listen and that everyone already knows what a terrible person he is. Umm, okay.

Edited to add: his Mom died less than 2 weeks ago. Sheesh.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2021, 08:16:30 AM by Zamboni »

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2703 on: September 24, 2021, 08:17:39 AM »
Wow. Getting that threat in writing might prove useful. When my sister was off the rails, it wasn't hard to get this via text. People that volatile are sadly, rather easy to provoke. It's a shitshow and you have my sympathies, Z.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2704 on: September 24, 2021, 08:21:52 AM »
I'm waiting for the moment that DotLWaT finds out that because they're claiming the house for themselves, that they'll end up with significantly less cash than everyone else (or no cash). And then throw another fit about how unfair it is.

Having a lawyer do it sounds best. Heck, even if everyone was on the same page, 6k sounds like a good deal for someone else to just handle all of that.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2705 on: September 24, 2021, 08:50:40 AM »
SO thought he had found the solution to the bickering and suggested it to his siblings as a route to making things smooth and easy. DotLWaT wigged out and started hurling insults. She insists on doing it herself and now wants the others to sign something releasing her from the requirement to have a bond. So, yes, she has already been filing documents to be the estate administrator, which isn't surprising.

Apparently the bond is required by state law unless all of the other heirs are adults AND willing to sign a waiver of the bond. See how much we are learning?! The bond cannot be waived if any of the heirs are under 18. Sounds like the bond is supposed to provide some level of protection in case of mismanagement or incompetence or theft by the estate administrator. If everyone is normal, sure, sign it.

SO declined to sign that for obvious reasons. More rage. More insults. DotLWaT does not like rules or boundaries. Now says she will smear his name to anyone who will listen and that everyone already knows what a terrible person he is. Umm, okay.

Good, don't sign that bond waiver. That's a normal part of the estate dissolution process in every state I've been involved with (namely: Oregon).

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2706 on: September 24, 2021, 01:03:56 PM »
It has pretty much all been via text.

Within 24 hours of the death, DotLWaT claims she spent in the neighborhood of $22000 on final arrangements (funeral, burial plot, etc). This is what she supposedly immediately needed $10K cash for. Regardless of whether or not you think it was reasonable of her to rush out and spend that amount the morning right after the death without consulting anyone, there are 3 siblings . . . so how is $10K each adding up to $22K? And why would someone need it in cash immediately?

Any normal person would ask to see receipts: DotLWaT was asked for receipts and responded that she would send them "tomorrow". That was a couple of days ago. Still nothing on that front.

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2707 on: September 24, 2021, 01:13:42 PM »
It has pretty much all been via text.

Within 24 hours of the death, DotLWaT claims she spent in the neighborhood of $22000 on final arrangements (funeral, burial plot, etc). This is what she supposedly immediately needed $10K cash for. Regardless of whether or not you think it was reasonable of her to rush out and spend that amount the morning right after the death without consulting anyone, there are 3 siblings . . . so how is $10K each adding up to $22K? And why would someone need it in cash immediately?

Any normal person would ask to see receipts: DotLWaT was asked for receipts and responded that she would send them "tomorrow". That was a couple of days ago. Still nothing on that front.

And having made those decisions without consulting anyone doesn't mean she can bill the estate for them.  (of course, consult a lawyer; I am not one.)  A $22,000 funeral is a personal choice and therefore a personal expense, not an estate expense if the estate (meaning, all the heirs) didn't agree to it. 

She's ridiculous.  I'm so sorry anyone has to deal with this, but especially they they are days out from the loss of a parent. 

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2708 on: September 24, 2021, 01:39:31 PM »
@Zamboni , do what makes you happy, but personally, I would do my part to get them put in jail.   

And if that wasn't feasible, I would conduct affairs so that they would completely burn ALL bridges to all the other siblings.

Unless, of course, my spouse, her sibling, wanted otherwise.

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2709 on: September 24, 2021, 02:37:19 PM »
^A mental hospital is likely more appropriate, but most of those have been shut down.

My SO is very distraught after all of this and now just doesn't want to deal with anything, which is understandable. He has started having some nightmares about DotLWaT and it is making him lose sleep. :-( He worries about the crazy things she is saying. His Dad also has very serious behavior issues and has become DotLWaT's flying monkey . . . that is odd because supposedly he and DotLWaT hate each other. They are both being awful.

When we were told the death was imminent, SO rushed there and was able to be with her at the end. After that we discussed that SO would go to the funeral home with family and offer to contribute $5K towards the funeral expenses later that week. . . an offer he never had a chance to make since DotLWaT reaffirmed that she is a force of destruction.

Just now I looked up the law and I learned this: in our state, there are legislated caps on final arrangement expenses that can be reimbursed by an estate: $3500 for the funeral and $1500 for the burial plot and headstone or marker. So $5K total towards those costs from estates. Which makes sense, because average final expenses are in the $5-10K range, even with a full service funeral. Oh dear. DotLWaT's gonna absolutely lose whatever is left of her mind. Maybe as part of her initiating her oversight of the estate she recently learned that and it led to the sudden demand for the cash? Based upon prior negative experiences with DotLWaT, SO thinks she is just trying to extort money from him and his sibling, who both told her on the evening of the death that the deceased had told them she wanted a cremation and modest funeral, but I think she actually put a crap ton of guilt money on her credit card (for the miles!) and now is having serious buyer's remorse.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2710 on: September 24, 2021, 05:44:21 PM »
So DotLWaT is going to be having money trouble shortly. Wonderful. /s

Zamboni - suggest to your SO that he place the problematic family members on mute on his phone, so that he can read and respond (or not) to messages when he's up for it, rather than getting notifications as they come in. Same with email. Filter emails to a separate folder, read all at once. It can be quite helpful.

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2711 on: September 24, 2021, 05:53:50 PM »
That is a good idea, Sibley. I've actually done that with one person myself and it does really help. I'll remind him that his phone has that function. Thanks!

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2712 on: September 24, 2021, 06:07:58 PM »
So DotLWaT is going to be having money trouble shortly. Wonderful. /s

Zamboni - suggest to your SO that he place the problematic family members on mute on his phone, so that he can read and respond (or not) to messages when he's up for it, rather than getting notifications as they come in. Same with email. Filter emails to a separate folder, read all at once. It can be quite helpful.

Agree!  And if you are up for it, Zamboni, you might even offer to be the initial screen.  Read/listen to the messages once a day and give him a polite summary of anything he actually needs to know and have him directly read/listen only anything that he absolutely must get word for word.

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2713 on: September 24, 2021, 06:38:27 PM »
^Naw, SO can adult, and I'd probably pop off profanity ridden retorts which wouldn't help the situation. Not that I'm a hothead, but we're dealing with people who are highly practiced agitators at this point, and we all have our limits. Also, some of the texts are in a language I don't understand, especially those from his Dad, so I'd be worse than worthless at that.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2714 on: September 24, 2021, 08:07:02 PM »
Wow Zamboni, what a fiasco.

Are her words about finding a really old will and threatening to burn it in a text?  If so, this should be presented to the lawyer/police.  Even if it was only verbal, it still might be worth getting authorities involved.  Threats of legal action might bring her into line.

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2715 on: September 24, 2021, 08:56:36 PM »
I'm actually not sure, although I know he had some follow up texts with her about it. At that point SO and I were in different locations (he had traveled to where the deceased lived . . . his third trip there in a month) so I was getting those reports from him over the phone.

Honestly I just don't want to ask him about it for awhile for the sake of our peace and happiness.  I'll wait for him to bring it up if he hears anything over this next month.

I'm also not sure DotLWaT officially filed the death certificate with the county clerk. Clearly she was at least getting things ready for the process, but when he refused to sign a document and give her cash immediately when she demanded it, she flew into a rage and told him that he could deal with it all alone and that he would come begging her for help later. Because, in her words, we are broke losers who can't make our own money. Uh huh. So maybe she's not going to do it? Other than a general prediction of stirring up problems, it's hard to predict what she will do with any certainty.

Finances_With_Purpose

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2716 on: September 24, 2021, 10:37:10 PM »
So @Zamboni several things: first, and most important of which is THAT I AM TERRIBLY SORRY YOU AND YOUR SO ARE HAVING TO GO THROUGH THIS!  That can't be said enough.  This is not normal or humane behavior.   

Seriously.  You two may want to consider something that has helped us in the midst of awful situations: go out and have some fun some nights and try to forget about all of this.  I know it's hard to do that in the midst of a tragedy, but it's also the best medicine, as folks have reminded me over the years (because I'll let the stress of it get to me). 

Now, I can help as to where this is headed, as I have experience dealing with (lots of) conflicts and unreasonable situations.  Actions speak louder than words, and this started with outright fraud and seizure of things that DotL (for short) had no business taking. 

It's headed towards outright fraud and theft.  She's going to camp on the estate, control it, and drain every thing of any possible value.  It's already underway. 

The estate will continue on until she converts everything that she possibly can into cash for herself, the estate goes bankrupt, and things get seized.  Her cash problems will only hasten the speed of the theft. 

This is someone who does what she wants, not someone who cares about paperwork, laws, and rules--that much she has shown you.  I hate to tell you this, but to prepare yourself, I would prepare for maximum ugly here and start establishing those boundaries so that you can stay out of and above the drama. 

Eventually, you're likely to need hard no-contact rules.  Why let her drag your own emotional lives down, rather than shut her off for periods of time, and/or mediate it through a lawyer/trusted friend/someone else/ignore her completely, so that you can stay away from it all.  That path is going to get increasingly attractive over time. 

As I see it, there are two paths here: SO can either jump in, take over the estate, and fight it out (or, rather, employ the lawyers to do so), which would be a large emotional lift and expensive due to DotL and her inevitable shenanigans.  Or you both can walk away, let her trash it all, ignore it all as it circles the drain, but preserve more of your peace and sanity.  And nothing is worth more than peace and sanity...once you don't have it anymore. 

Anyway, I'm sorry once again and wish you nothing but the best in dealing with a truly awful situation.  There's nothing like death and money to bring out the worst in some people.  But thankfully you two have each other to get through this and stay above the fray. 

Weisass

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2717 on: September 30, 2021, 06:49:45 AM »
I just spent the last week reading through this thread from the beginning, and all I can say is… wow.

And also:

I’ve asked my parents to take the time to lay out their intentions with all of the siblings clearly while we are all together next summer.

I’ve told my husband it is time to put our intentions in writing

Thank you for all of the cautionary tales and occasional positive stories that remind me how important it is to be transparent, to hold things lightly, and to put healthy boundaries around ourselves. Because nobody will do that for us.

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2718 on: October 01, 2021, 08:00:07 AM »
@Weisass, yeah, that is a good idea. Because in our case there were disagreements over this past month about whether the deceased had even stated preference for cremation (the majority opinion) or burial in a casket (minority opinion, but that is what ended up happening.) So if people can't even agree what the deceased want done with their remains, you can imagine that they also won't be on the same page about what the deceased wanted done with their estate, and that could lead to bickering even if it is a very small estate.

Darkly hilariously update on the saga of DotLWaT (destroyer of the last will and testament):

The named executor, who had travelled from out of state for the funeral, has now gone home, sifted through a pack rat stash of documents, and found a copy of the will: Hahaha DotLWaT's efforts are foiled!

But it gets better: this will is >20 years old and names the deceased's ex-spouse (who was their spouse at the time the will was signed) as inheriting their entire estate. Executor is not willing to just trash this document, much to the consternation of DotLWaT. So suddenly DotLWaT is playing nice to everyone and trying to get everyone to "reach an agreement" that everyone has to unite to fight ex-spouse getting it all.

The ex-spouse has not been informed of this as far as I know. It's important to know that the ex-spouse did have a continuing seemingly friendly relationship with the deceased and did visit during the duration of the pre-death hospital stay and did attend the funeral. But neither the named executor nor DotLWaT want him to get everything.  DotLWaT doesn't want him to get anything.

And for anyone who is sure that he won't get anything, I will refer you to the fact that Freddie Mercury's ex-wife inherited the vast majority of his gigantic estate . . . and he was an out of the closet homosexual who had a live-in domestic partner who received relatively little in the end. They were friends until his death, which is not actually that different than the situation that is happening right now with our family.

I'll update more later.

« Last Edit: October 01, 2021, 03:16:18 PM by Zamboni »

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2719 on: October 01, 2021, 08:17:41 AM »
A copy of the original Will can be used to get probate if it is known that the original is destroyed by someone other than the person who's Will it is, which is the case here.

The named executor needs to take legal advice on whether or not the ex-spouse can still inherit if the divorce came after the will was executed - this depends on the legal rules that apply where the maker of the Will died.

If the Will left everything to the ex spouse and the ex spouse isn't able to inherit, then the executor will probably have to distribute the estate according to intestacy rules - ie as if there were no Will at all.  But again this depends on the local jurisdiction.

I suppose it's possibly that the will destroyed by DoftLWaT might have been a later will than the one the executor has a copy of?  If so, the earlier Will may have been revoked by the later destroyed one which would technically still be in force - although evidence of that would be tricky given that the only live person to see that will destroyed it.  From what is said, I suspect there was only ever one Will and DoftLWaT destroyed the original of what the executor now has a copy.

The executor for the Will should 1) contact the legal firm (if any) that helped draw up the will to see if they've got any further information about the circumstances in which it was made and whether they know of any later Will, and 2) call round the legal firms near where the deceased lived to see if they have any record of her having made any other will.  Probably both these efforts will turn up nothing, but a negative to those two questions could be useful in removing doubt and helping the executor to get probate and then distribute the estate according to it, or according to the rules of intestacy if relevant.

LadyMuMu

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2720 on: October 01, 2021, 07:39:12 PM »
I'm blown away by the irony of the possibility that DoftLWaT's actions may have destroyed the will in which they received less than they thought they should resulting in the enforcement of an older will in which they get nothing. Epic.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2721 on: October 03, 2021, 04:44:42 PM »
This is not a super crazy story, but symbolizes my family. My dad died over a year ago. He had told my two living siblings that he had "taken care" of the funeral expenses. He unexpectedly passes. Luckily he lived in an apartment and was not a packrat. The plot was already paid for, but because covid it just being a burial and not a funeral, was close to 16k just for those expenses none of it paid ahead of time. Week or so later one of my siblings finds an envelope with 14k in it, realize this was what he meant by "taking care" of it, though it honestly barely covered the burial and definitely not a full funeral with dinner service. As there was no will or wishes written down it was stressful to figure out his wishes. We tell mom, please plan ahead. She has no will. Says she wants to be buried, full funeral etc. But also says she is not planning to set aside any money to pay for her wishes, (or write anything down). Also says she is going to leave all her money (hypothetical whether she will even have any assets by the time she does) to only one of the three siblings. Before my brother died she said he was going to inherit it because he "needed" it more. Now she says the same for my sister. Ironically it is the more responsible siblings who have helped her (she lives with my brother) and also have grandkids, that get cut out. Me and my brother shrug. It's not worth talking about but we asked, why leave things in a way you know will make it more difficult for the living? Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead". And also since we all were prepared to pay for dads expenses before we found the money, we should be prepared to do the same for her.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2021, 08:20:34 PM by partgypsy »

RWTL

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2722 on: October 03, 2021, 05:32:10 PM »
Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead". And also since we all were prepared to pay for dads expenses before we found the money, we should be prepared to do the same for her.

This is hard to wrap my head around how someone could feel this way. 

Kris

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2723 on: October 03, 2021, 05:37:57 PM »
Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead". And also since we all were prepared to pay for dads expenses before we found the money, we should be prepared to do the same for her.

This is hard to wrap my head around how someone could feel this way.

Right? My parents would never ever have wanted to burden me with anything. It floors me.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2724 on: October 03, 2021, 06:12:04 PM »
This is not a super crazy story, but symbolizes my family. My dad died over a year ago. He had told my two living siblings that he had "taken care" of the funeral expenses. He unexpectedly passes. Luckily he lived in an apartment and was not a packrat. The plot was already paid for, but despite covid it just being a burial and not a funeral, was close to 16k just for those expenses none of it paid ahead of time. Week or so later one of my siblings finds an envelope with 14k in it, realize this was what he meant by "taking care" of it, though it honestly wasn't enough to cover the burial let alone a full funeral. As there was no will or wishes written down it was stressful. We tell mom, please plan ahead. She has no will. Says she wants to be buried, full funeral etc. But also says she is not planning to set aside any money to pay for her wishes, (or write anything down). Also says she is going to leave all her money (hypothetical whether she will even have any assets by the time she does) to only one of the three siblings. Before my brother died she said he was going to inherit it because he "needed" it more. Now she says the same for my sister. Ironically it is the more responsible siblings who have helped her (she lives with my brother) and also have grandkids, that get cut out. Me and my brother shrug. It's not worth talking about but we asked, why leave things in a way you know will make it more difficult for the living? Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead". And also since we all were prepared to pay for dads expenses before we found the money, we should be prepared to do the same for her.

In this situation my relative would be getting the $700 special, which is cremation  with remai s picked up in a cardboard box, then Scattered.

$16,000 Sounds like a lot to me but I suppose if there was a cost of a burial plot and you are in a high population place, and then there’s an expensive casket and vault, I suppose all that adds up.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2725 on: October 03, 2021, 08:17:51 PM »
This is not a super crazy story, but symbolizes my family. My dad died over a year ago. He had told my two living siblings that he had "taken care" of the funeral expenses. He unexpectedly passes. Luckily he lived in an apartment and was not a packrat. The plot was already paid for, but despite covid it just being a burial and not a funeral, was close to 16k just for those expenses none of it paid ahead of time. Week or so later one of my siblings finds an envelope with 14k in it, realize this was what he meant by "taking care" of it, though it honestly wasn't enough to cover the burial let alone a full funeral. As there was no will or wishes written down it was stressful. We tell mom, please plan ahead. She has no will. Says she wants to be buried, full funeral etc. But also says she is not planning to set aside any money to pay for her wishes, (or write anything down). Also says she is going to leave all her money (hypothetical whether she will even have any assets by the time she does) to only one of the three siblings. Before my brother died she said he was going to inherit it because he "needed" it more. Now she says the same for my sister. Ironically it is the more responsible siblings who have helped her (she lives with my brother) and also have grandkids, that get cut out. Me and my brother shrug. It's not worth talking about but we asked, why leave things in a way you know will make it more difficult for the living? Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead". And also since we all were prepared to pay for dads expenses before we found the money, we should be prepared to do the same for her.

In this situation my relative would be getting the $700 special, which is cremation  with remai s picked up in a cardboard box, then Scattered.

$16,000 Sounds like a lot to me but I suppose if there was a cost of a burial plot and you are in a high population place, and then there’s an expensive casket and vault, I suppose all that adds up.

I was surprised how much it cost, considering there was no funeral (there was graveside service). The plot was already paid for. We did purchase a solid wood casket as that is customary but from another company so "reasonable".  Other costs were: transportation from the morgue and to the gravesite. cost for opening up the plot, open (less expensive) casket cover, burial services, closing the plot,  prayer cards, set of flowers, and setting of the marker (The metal burial marker was free because he was former military, but the cemetary required it was affixed to stone and then set). That alone cost around 1K.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2021, 08:22:20 PM by partgypsy »

RWTL

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2726 on: October 04, 2021, 03:24:03 AM »
This is not a super crazy story, but symbolizes my family. My dad died over a year ago. He had told my two living siblings that he had "taken care" of the funeral expenses. He unexpectedly passes. Luckily he lived in an apartment and was not a packrat. The plot was already paid for, but despite covid it just being a burial and not a funeral, was close to 16k just for those expenses none of it paid ahead of time. Week or so later one of my siblings finds an envelope with 14k in it, realize this was what he meant by "taking care" of it, though it honestly wasn't enough to cover the burial let alone a full funeral. As there was no will or wishes written down it was stressful. We tell mom, please plan ahead. She has no will. Says she wants to be buried, full funeral etc. But also says she is not planning to set aside any money to pay for her wishes, (or write anything down). Also says she is going to leave all her money (hypothetical whether she will even have any assets by the time she does) to only one of the three siblings. Before my brother died she said he was going to inherit it because he "needed" it more. Now she says the same for my sister. Ironically it is the more responsible siblings who have helped her (she lives with my brother) and also have grandkids, that get cut out. Me and my brother shrug. It's not worth talking about but we asked, why leave things in a way you know will make it more difficult for the living? Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead". And also since we all were prepared to pay for dads expenses before we found the money, we should be prepared to do the same for her.

In this situation my relative would be getting the $700 special, which is cremation  with remai s picked up in a cardboard box, then Scattered.

$16,000 Sounds like a lot to me but I suppose if there was a cost of a burial plot and you are in a high population place, and then there’s an expensive casket and vault, I suppose all that adds up.

I was surprised how much it cost, considering there was no funeral (there was graveside service). The plot was already paid for. We did purchase a solid wood casket as that is customary but from another company so "reasonable".  Other costs were: transportation from the morgue and to the gravesite. cost for opening up the plot, open (less expensive) casket cover, burial services, closing the plot,  prayer cards, set of flowers, and setting of the marker (The metal burial marker was free because he was former military, but the cemetary required it was affixed to stone and then set). That alone cost around 1K.

Unfortunately I've had several deaths in my family in a short time period.  Both members wanted cremation and one wanted as cheap as possible (specific wishes indicated Cheap!)

Family member 1:  Cremation was pre-paid and remains buried.  Burial was about $1500 with permits, opening, closing, and headstone.  Plot was pre-paid.

Family member 2: Cremation was pre-paid but there were "extra" charges from the funeral home that added up to around $1200.  Ashes were spread at a farm that the family member was raised on.

This is an area where you could easily spend a lot of money quickly since the funeral homes are first in line with the family and most people aren't going to shop around.

snowball

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2727 on: October 04, 2021, 08:13:07 AM »
Says she wants to be buried, full funeral etc. But also says she is not planning to set aside any money to pay for her wishes, (or write anything down). Also says she is going to leave all her money (hypothetical whether she will even have any assets by the time she does) to only one of the three siblings. Before my brother died she said he was going to inherit it because he "needed" it more. Now she says the same for my sister. Ironically it is the more responsible siblings who have helped her (she lives with my brother) and also have grandkids, that get cut out. Me and my brother shrug. It's not worth talking about but we asked, why leave things in a way you know will make it more difficult for the living? Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead".

I mean.  She can't have it both ways...

The last bit rings the truest to me, so if she won't care because she'll be dead, then I'd want to take her at her word.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2728 on: October 04, 2021, 09:08:46 AM »
Sheesh. What snowball said. Since she won’t care, I’d push for absolute cheapest possible route to cleaning up her remains, then a family gathering for scattering ashes from the plastic cup in a free public area.

Also, since she won’t write anything down, then anything that amounts to her estate will be intestate and will be equally divided between her descendants who survive her per stirpes. Sounds like a win for the responsible.

I actually had to talk a friend out of the “leave more to the irresponsible druggie adult child bc he needs it more” mindset. It simply hadn’t occurred to her that doing that might hurt the feelings of her younger two sons, who are very responsible adults and already pretty tired of what a burden their lay about addict older brother is to their mom. Guess enablers just are conditioned to keep on enabling even after they are dead.

lhamo

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2729 on: October 04, 2021, 09:46:22 AM »
enablers just are conditioned to keep on enabling even after they are dead.

This is an appropriate TL/DR subtitle for this thread!  Not that it should end, but it is the gist of story after story after story.

If you are in a dysfunctional family and somebody dies, put your big kid pants on, draw your boundaries and prepare to defend them. 

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2730 on: October 04, 2021, 10:28:30 AM »
So @Zamboni several things: first, and most important of which is THAT I AM TERRIBLY SORRY YOU AND YOUR SO ARE HAVING TO GO THROUGH THIS!  That can't be said enough.  This is not normal or humane behavior.   

Seriously.  You two may want to consider something that has helped us in the midst of awful situations: go out and have some fun some nights and try to forget about all of this.  I know it's hard to do that in the midst of a tragedy, but it's also the best medicine, as folks have reminded me over the years (because I'll let the stress of it get to me). 

Now, I can help as to where this is headed, as I have experience dealing with (lots of) conflicts and unreasonable situations.  Actions speak louder than words, and this started with outright fraud and seizure of things that DotL (for short) had no business taking. 

It's headed towards outright fraud and theft.  She's going to camp on the estate, control it, and drain every thing of any possible value.  It's already underway. 

The estate will continue on until she converts everything that she possibly can into cash for herself, the estate goes bankrupt, and things get seized.  Her cash problems will only hasten the speed of the theft. 

This is someone who does what she wants, not someone who cares about paperwork, laws, and rules--that much she has shown you.  I hate to tell you this, but to prepare yourself, I would prepare for maximum ugly here and start establishing those boundaries so that you can stay out of and above the drama. 

Eventually, you're likely to need hard no-contact rules.  Why let her drag your own emotional lives down, rather than shut her off for periods of time, and/or mediate it through a lawyer/trusted friend/someone else/ignore her completely, so that you can stay away from it all.  That path is going to get increasingly attractive over time. 

As I see it, there are two paths here: SO can either jump in, take over the estate, and fight it out (or, rather, employ the lawyers to do so), which would be a large emotional lift and expensive due to DotL and her inevitable shenanigans.  Or you both can walk away, let her trash it all, ignore it all as it circles the drain, but preserve more of your peace and sanity.  And nothing is worth more than peace and sanity...once you don't have it anymore. 

Anyway, I'm sorry once again and wish you nothing but the best in dealing with a truly awful situation.  There's nothing like death and money to bring out the worst in some people.  But thankfully you two have each other to get through this and stay above the fray.

Thanks again for this. We decided to go on vacation to a tropical paradise this past weekend . . . that was a great idea!

Your predictions are so spot on.

Updates about the Destroyer of the Last Will and Testament (DotLWaT!, DotLW for short):

-DotLW got so mad that Mr. Zamboni wouldn't send her money for "the bills" that she threatened no contact with him . . . a threat that of course she just can't make good on because of her continuous need to send rude texts and demand things. And then there was the whole emergence of another copy of a will wrinkle she hadn't anticipated. So she's already followed up several times since then. *Eyeroll*

-Mr. Zamboni has decided that No Contact with DotLW is the only sane strategy from his side . . . so he is not responding.

-As far as I can discern, the named executor in the only copy of a will anyone has seen beside DotLW has thrown in the towel and given the reins over to DotLW. Honestly, everyone is just quietly backing away from the mess with their hands in the air. Other sane sibling is also just saying "whatever, do what you want, but I'm not giving you money" to all demands.

-DotLW has communicated that she is going to obtain the divorce finalization paperwork from the court to negate the named sole inheritor in the will from getting anything. No idea if this is how it works or not, and no idea if DotLW has sought any legal advice.

-DotLW has sent copies of credit card receipts for what she paid for the hastily solo planned over-the-top funeral/burial. Oh, Lordy, I guess it's no surprise that she spread it out over several different credit cards even to the same funeral home. Predictions that she is in financial trouble coming true. She appears to have bought the most expensive plot at the most expensive cemetery in town. Despite the deceased belonging to a large local church for decades, she paid extra to have the service held in the chapel owned by the funeral home instead. And despite having to charge it all on various cards, she is still vowing to spend over $4K additionally for a headstone which she is picking out. According to her texts, she IS doing this and she WILL get her money back and no one better stand in her way! No one else is on board with her plan. Seriously I've purchased cars for less than this theoretical headstone.

-DotLW is whining to extended family that people are not jumping in to pay her back for her ridiculous choices.

-DotLW also sent a copy of her bank statement showing that she is paying the bills of the deceased. These include normal things like utilities on the home and absurd things such as renewing an AARP membership (Um, why?) She is paying these from her personal account, rather than an established estate bank account.

-Although DotLW once said she planned to move into the house left by the deceased, she has reversed course and now says she plans to sell it.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2021, 02:15:30 PM by Zamboni »

TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2731 on: October 04, 2021, 06:45:02 PM »
I was surprised how much it cost, considering there was no funeral (there was graveside service). The plot was already paid for. We did purchase a solid wood casket as that is customary but from another company so "reasonable". 

https://www.costco.com/funeral-caskets.html

Sibley

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2732 on: October 04, 2021, 08:13:43 PM »
I highly doubt that divorce paperwork is going to make any difference. But it may at least be amusing to watch her try.

It sounds like everyone is deciding to walk away. While a shame to the ideals of law and order, it's probably the most efficient and effective way to avoid a mess. DotLW is going to learn the very hard lesson of karma though. By behaving as she is, she is going to alienate everyone. She's also going to end up completely broke. Which she will then blame on everyone else, conveniently forgetting that she did it to herself.

Glad you got a break from everything at least.

AMandM

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2733 on: October 05, 2021, 12:34:27 PM »
Even cheaper than Costco, if you don't require varnish:
https://mountmichael.org/mount-michael-abbeys-caskets/

mm1970

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2734 on: October 05, 2021, 12:49:12 PM »
Says she wants to be buried, full funeral etc. But also says she is not planning to set aside any money to pay for her wishes, (or write anything down). Also says she is going to leave all her money (hypothetical whether she will even have any assets by the time she does) to only one of the three siblings. Before my brother died she said he was going to inherit it because he "needed" it more. Now she says the same for my sister. Ironically it is the more responsible siblings who have helped her (she lives with my brother) and also have grandkids, that get cut out. Me and my brother shrug. It's not worth talking about but we asked, why leave things in a way you know will make it more difficult for the living? Responds "why should I care, I'll be dead".

I mean.  She can't have it both ways...

The last bit rings the truest to me, so if she won't care because she'll be dead, then I'd want to take her at her word.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
+1.  That's how I feel. 

@Zamboni Oooh boy, what a hot mess that is.  Good luck.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2735 on: October 05, 2021, 01:27:23 PM »
@Zamboni do you have any indication of the size of the estate?  Is there any chance the extravagant funeral expenses will consume it?

AlanStache

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2736 on: October 05, 2021, 03:05:02 PM »
@Zamboni Or could the extravagant funeral expenses be considered a private gift from DotLW to the deceased and as such something to not come out of any estate? 

SunnyDays

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2737 on: October 05, 2021, 04:12:41 PM »
@Zamboni, can the named executor just “turn over the reins?”  This is a legal responsibility, so I hope they have gone through proper channels to do so.

PDXTabs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2738 on: October 05, 2021, 04:24:24 PM »
@Zamboni, can the named executor just “turn over the reins?”  This is a legal responsibility, so I hope they have gone through proper channels to do so.

Is it? Can I name Donald Trump as the executor of my estate and force him to work for me once I'm dead?

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2739 on: October 05, 2021, 05:11:49 PM »
Hard to say if the funeral expense will wipe out the estate. The amount that can be put towards funeral & burial expenses in our state if the intestate distribution rules are used is pretty reasonable at $5K total . . . no where near the north of $20K that has been spent.

The person was an elementary school teacher and not wealthy by any means. There was a small designated beneficiary account that is already being split between her children. There is a car (with an existing loan) and a house (with rumors or an existing second mortgage) . . . I expect DotLW will drain everything else and sell anything else of value as she pleases without entering it into the estate. This is a hoarder situation and it's going to be a lot of work, so she'll be earning it and I predict she will seriously regret that she ever went the direction she is going.

Named executor lives out of state and not interested in entering the fray. As far as I know there is no law that compels anyone to be executor. My other half was willing to help sort things out, but DotLW doesn't want any help, and she's super nasty to anyone who makes any bland suggestion of any kind, so whatever.

Adventine

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2740 on: October 05, 2021, 10:34:10 PM »
I wonder if DotLW expects to find more cash or valuables in the giant pile of junk the deceased left behind.

AMandM

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2741 on: October 06, 2021, 07:05:38 AM »
Is it? Can I name Donald Trump as the executor of my estate and force him to work for me once I'm dead?

Yes to the first part, no to the second.
In the jurisdictions where I have had to deal with a death, the executor named in the will has the right to decline the job, but not the right to appoint the replacement. If the will doesn't name a backup executor, a court appoints one. If someone (e.g., DotLWaT) volunteers, the court will generally appoint that person as long as the presumptive heirs don't object. E.g., I had to sign a paper agreeing that my sister could be the executor for our grandmother's estate.

Britan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2742 on: October 06, 2021, 12:25:18 PM »
This has been a fascinating binge read. Hours of my life gone… don’t regret it though haha.

How does one find a reputable lawyer to draft a will? And what is a reasonable rate for this service? DH and I are young still (30s), but we do have some simple assets and 1 kid with another on the way. It’s something we’ve discussed growing up and just doing, but no idea where to start. Our parents would have recommendations but are not local and I gather that lawyers in entirely different states are of limited help.  I don’t think things would be complex enough to involve a lawyer except that, due to Reasons (which could be a post into itself), I am no contact with my mother and we need to have an ironclad plan to ensure that our kid(s) would go to the right guardian, and that she would not be able to find some legal visitation loophole.

And since I feel like I’ve gotta leave something here for y’all to sip tea over, there is no drama as of yet. However, my grandparents, both in their 80s, have a sizable fortune, and if I had to guess, my mother is the executor. No amount of money in the world could get me to deal with her. If it means I get nothing because I’d have to fight her over it, so be it. But I have heard that she has already tried selling some of their furniture (they are very much alive!). So I do not have high expectations of how that will all go down. Not my circus, not enough money in the world to make it my monkeys.

On the other hand, my dad retired early. He and my mother acrimoniously divorced some time ago, and he’s since remarried a lovely woman who is his executor. God willing, he’ll be around for a good long time, and none of this will come to pass or at least will be long in the future. Dad has done FAR more for my mother financially post-divorce than was required or even fair imho… could also be a drama post unto itself… and if she tries to give his new wife a hard time, or god forbid something happens to both him and new wife at the same time and I am appointed backup executor, and she gives me a hard time, I very well could go salted earth.

Who knows, though. If mother takes enough of her bleach miracle cures, none of this will be a problem. Not that I’d love that outcome, but the realist in me knows it’s a possibility.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2743 on: October 06, 2021, 12:42:06 PM »
@Britan,   contrary to most belief, most lawyers are not out to screw their clients.   

A simple will should be well within the competence of most.   Ask around locally for recommendations.

Write up what you want to happen in plain language.   Make it simple, use bullet points or if priority is important, numbered points.

Call a few and talk to them for a few minutes to get a feel for them.  Tell them what you want.  If they don't show an understanding of the details of what you want, walk.   

If you're really worried, hire one to write it and another to break and fix it.   

What metropolitan area is nearest to you, you might get lucky and get a recommendation here.   I know a good one in the Raleigh/Durham NC area, for example.

Britan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2744 on: October 06, 2021, 01:08:11 PM »
Not so much a concern about a lawyer out to be malicious. But in any profession, if I just pick the first person I happen to see a sign for, I’d never know if they’re gonna half-ass it, especially if it isn’t a lot of income for them to do a simple will? My friend group used to be primarily childless PhD students, so I wouldn’t think any of them would have a recommendation. Though I suppose I could ask some of my kid and/or asset having local friends who might actually have a will drafted. Seems a weird topic of conversation to bring up I guess, haha.

Dee18

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2745 on: October 06, 2021, 01:14:12 PM »
I found a great attorney for my will & trust by asking many people at my new workplace.  Several of them had used and liked the same attorney so I went to her.  If there is a law school in your city you could email an Estates & Trusts professor there and ask for three names to consider.  The attorney I used was outstanding...to the point that my will is still appropriate 22 years later even though my assets are significantly greater.  She really helped me plan ahead. She also explained to me that I could use beneficiary designations for investment accounts, retirement accounts, and life insurance to easily change beneficiaries without re-writing the will.  It's worth finding a topnotch attorney.

Here is a short article raising some of the issues about choosing (or trying to choose) a guardian for a minor child.
https://www.nytimes.com/article/legal-guardian.html

I was a single parent and wanted the guardian to be a very close friend who was male and single and lived in another state. I lived in a conservative state where the law is that the judge decides what is "in the best interests of the minor child" and is not bound at all by the deceased parent(s)' wishes.  In my case my fear was that the court might designate my married sister.  She had no children and lived an extremely materialistic lifestyle.  (Years later she invited my 12 year old to visit her for several days...and then left her home alone in a strange neighborhood while going off to work, instead of doing the sightseeing and outings she and my daughter had planned.). My attorney advised me to, in addition to specifying my preference in my will, establish a record that supported my choice.  At the attorney's suggestion I wrote series of emails to a close girlfriend in which I discussed the issues and why my sister would not be a good guardian and my friend would.  (On my daughter's 18th birthday my girlfriend burned the record.) I also made sure we had at least annual visits with the potential guardian.  My daughter is now in her 20s and has a great relationship with both her designated guardian and my sister.   

mm1970

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2746 on: October 06, 2021, 01:39:28 PM »
Not so much a concern about a lawyer out to be malicious. But in any profession, if I just pick the first person I happen to see a sign for, I’d never know if they’re gonna half-ass it, especially if it isn’t a lot of income for them to do a simple will? My friend group used to be primarily childless PhD students, so I wouldn’t think any of them would have a recommendation. Though I suppose I could ask some of my kid and/or asset having local friends who might actually have a will drafted. Seems a weird topic of conversation to bring up I guess, haha.
It's not at all a weird discussion to have.  We drafted our will and trust with a local attorney that we found by asking local friends with kids and houses.

clarkfan1979

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2747 on: October 06, 2021, 01:42:58 PM »
This is a cautionary tale for parents leaving their children money. In my opinion, the child didn't do anything wrong. However, they were not mature enough and/or not emotionally ready to handle an inheritance of 250K.

My brother-in-law shared a story of a mutual friend who broke up with their girlfriend. The girlfriend was in their early to mid 20's and was gifted 250K of life insurance when her mom died a few years ago. She is a college grad and has a full-time job. Before the death she was able to fully support herself. However, after the death she was emotionally devastated and spent 200K of the 250K over the course of 3 years. She has nothing to show for it other than a car. At one point, she owned two cars. However, she has since sold the second car. 

What type of guard rails could you put up for your children to try to avoid this? Can anything be done?   


PDXTabs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2748 on: October 06, 2021, 01:47:18 PM »
This is a cautionary tale for parents leaving their children money. In my opinion, the child didn't do anything wrong. However, they were not mature enough and/or not emotionally ready to handle an inheritance of 250K.

My brother-in-law shared a story of a mutual friend who broke up with their girlfriend. The girlfriend was in their early to mid 20's and was gifted 250K of life insurance when her mom died a few years ago. She is a college grad and has a full-time job. Before the death she was able to fully support herself. However, after the death she was emotionally devastated and spent 200K of the 250K over the course of 3 years. She has nothing to show for it other than a car. At one point, she owned two cars. However, she has since sold the second car. 

What type of guard rails could you put up for your children to try to avoid this? Can anything be done?

I've seen this up close and personal. I'm in the middle of a protracted legal battle, but as soon as that legal issue is resolved I plan to setup a testamentary trust for my children and will probably just wait for them to be 30 before giving them the money. At that point, if they blow it, that's on them.

Villanelle

  • Magnum Stache
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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #2749 on: October 06, 2021, 01:52:21 PM »
You can release smaller chunks to the kids over time, or hold all of it until they are older, but neither is fool-proof.  It can give them more time to mature and hopefully make better decisions, but it may just postpone and/or spread out the waste.