Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 590429 times)

former player

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1600 on: March 04, 2019, 09:18:11 AM »
I'm hoping we can keep it from being 'drama' but I think there will be some hurt feelings......backstory, my in-laws wrote their will 30 years ago (before I was on the scene) and DH was in his early 20s (and not great with money).....fast forward 30 years, my MIL passed a few months ago after a lengthy illness.  Helping his dad with paperwork, DH is given a copy of his mother's will, he is named executor, he had no idea.  We're assuming his father's will is the same.  When my FIL passes, it will divide the assests as 50% to DH and 25% to each of his sisters.   The only rationale we can come up with is that it's because he has a penis.  One of the sisters is older than him, both sisters have been dedicated to the parents, both are sensible with money.  It can only be a cultural decision to favour the male born child.  DH and I have already decided that it will be a 33.3% split amongst the siblings, and we will keep his sisters from even knowing if we can.  I know when the time comes it will be me making the decsions and paperwork and DH will just sign as executor.  His family has been in Canada for over 50 years, how can they still think it's okay to short change daughters?  It boggles my mind.  My parents wanted things to be so fair that they made my brother and I join executors, they knew I'm better with money but didn't want to potentially offend my older brother.   And we're both so honest, we would never rip off the other.

I'm not sure I'm reading this right, but let me caution you against intentionally ignoring the will. An executor's job is to faithfully carry out the instructions in the will, not to change it to make it better. I don't know Canadian law (or USA law either for that matter) but it would not surprise me if you could be found personally liable if you ignore the will.

Possibly, but 1) the only person who loses is OP, 2) who would have an interest in taking the case just to prove a point of principle? and 3) it is always open to someone to refuse to take all or part of an inheritance - which is effectively what OP is doing, with the result that the sisters' 25% shares become larger because more is in their side of the overall pot.

Personally, I'd say to the sisters "these wills are obviously 30 years out of date, I don't know what our parents were thinking but I have no doubt that the fair thing to do is for us to share everything equally and that's what I'm going to do."  I think that's better than trying to hide.  But OP knows their family best.

sherr

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1601 on: March 04, 2019, 10:07:34 AM »
I'm hoping we can keep it from being 'drama' but I think there will be some hurt feelings......backstory, my in-laws wrote their will 30 years ago (before I was on the scene) and DH was in his early 20s (and not great with money).....fast forward 30 years, my MIL passed a few months ago after a lengthy illness.  Helping his dad with paperwork, DH is given a copy of his mother's will, he is named executor, he had no idea.  We're assuming his father's will is the same.  When my FIL passes, it will divide the assests as 50% to DH and 25% to each of his sisters.   The only rationale we can come up with is that it's because he has a penis.  One of the sisters is older than him, both sisters have been dedicated to the parents, both are sensible with money.  It can only be a cultural decision to favour the male born child.  DH and I have already decided that it will be a 33.3% split amongst the siblings, and we will keep his sisters from even knowing if we can.  I know when the time comes it will be me making the decsions and paperwork and DH will just sign as executor.  His family has been in Canada for over 50 years, how can they still think it's okay to short change daughters?  It boggles my mind.  My parents wanted things to be so fair that they made my brother and I join executors, they knew I'm better with money but didn't want to potentially offend my older brother.   And we're both so honest, we would never rip off the other.

I'm not sure I'm reading this right, but let me caution you against intentionally ignoring the will. An executor's job is to faithfully carry out the instructions in the will, not to change it to make it better. I don't know Canadian law (or USA law either for that matter) but it would not surprise me if you could be found personally liable if you ignore the will.

Possibly, but 1) the only person who loses is OP, 2) who would have an interest in taking the case just to prove a point of principle? and 3) it is always open to someone to refuse to take all or part of an inheritance - which is effectively what OP is doing, with the result that the sisters' 25% shares become larger because more is in their side of the overall pot.

Personally, I'd say to the sisters "these wills are obviously 30 years out of date, I don't know what our parents were thinking but I have no doubt that the fair thing to do is for us to share everything equally and that's what I'm going to do."  I think that's better than trying to hide.  But OP knows their family best.

I was missing the fact that OP was both the executor and the party that would be missing out by splitting evenly. Thanks, objection withdrawn.

bluebelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1602 on: March 18, 2019, 11:21:12 AM »
I'm hoping we can keep it from being 'drama' but I think there will be some hurt feelings......backstory, my in-laws wrote their will 30 years ago (before I was on the scene) and DH was in his early 20s (and not great with money).....fast forward 30 years, my MIL passed a few months ago after a lengthy illness.  Helping his dad with paperwork, DH is given a copy of his mother's will, he is named executor, he had no idea.  We're assuming his father's will is the same.  When my FIL passes, it will divide the assests as 50% to DH and 25% to each of his sisters.   The only rationale we can come up with is that it's because he has a penis.  One of the sisters is older than him, both sisters have been dedicated to the parents, both are sensible with money.  It can only be a cultural decision to favour the male born child.  DH and I have already decided that it will be a 33.3% split amongst the siblings, and we will keep his sisters from even knowing if we can.  I know when the time comes it will be me making the decsions and paperwork and DH will just sign as executor.  His family has been in Canada for over 50 years, how can they still think it's okay to short change daughters?  It boggles my mind.  My parents wanted things to be so fair that they made my brother and I join executors, they knew I'm better with money but didn't want to potentially offend my older brother.   And we're both so honest, we would never rip off the other.

I'm not sure I'm reading this right, but let me caution you against intentionally ignoring the will. An executor's job is to faithfully carry out the instructions in the will, not to change it to make it better. I don't know Canadian law (or USA law either for that matter) but it would not surprise me if you could be found personally liable if you ignore the will.

Possibly, but 1) the only person who loses is OP, 2) who would have an interest in taking the case just to prove a point of principle? and 3) it is always open to someone to refuse to take all or part of an inheritance - which is effectively what OP is doing, with the result that the sisters' 25% shares become larger because more is in their side of the overall pot.

Personally, I'd say to the sisters "these wills are obviously 30 years out of date, I don't know what our parents were thinking but I have no doubt that the fair thing to do is for us to share everything equally and that's what I'm going to do."  I think that's better than trying to hide.  But OP knows their family best.

I was missing the fact that OP was both the executor and the party that would be missing out by splitting evenly. Thanks, objection withdrawn.
thanks to all that clarified what I was saying.....DH will execute the will as written, he will just quietly try and gift money to his sisters so that each of them gets 33 1/3 %, our assumption is that his sisters won't question each of them getting a 1/3, and thus we can keep them from knowing the misogynistic nature of the original will.  They don't need to know that their parents valued them less because they were female.  (speaking as a woman I am offended, I can't say whether they'd be or not or not, since they grew up in the culture - but why risk offending them).  If they push to see the will, or make any kind of fuss, DH may choose to execute the will as written - his family, his choice.  I can only tell him how I would feel if it were me......I will encourage him to pay himself as an executor, since we'll probably be living 3 hours away by the time his father passes, and that's alot of extra travel/gas.

GreenEggs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1603 on: March 18, 2019, 02:29:14 PM »
Does anyone know what is a reasonable fee for an executor? 

ysette9

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1604 on: March 18, 2019, 03:41:01 PM »
Does anyone know what is a reasonable fee for an executor?
The list of fiduciary executors that the laquer we are working with sent us all change 1% of the estate.
At first that seemed like a lot but then I realized that it would only be for a year to finalize our estate. I also decided it was a good use of money so our family member named as guardian for our littles cohoe focus on their well-being and not on paperwork.