Wills aren't always enforced. The executor does whatever he or she wants, and can't be stopped. It is possible to sue, but even if the judgement goes in your favor the assets are still gone. The same applies in many cases where a spouse is left the use of your assets. That spouse can decide to override your wishes and even disinherit your kids in favor of the pool boy. Inheritances are never guaranteed.
This is so true. I understand why so many wealthy people have an attorney as the executor rather than a family member. Better to pay the fees than have a fall out between siblings over perceptions of fairness.
My grandparents had 4 children and my grandfather wanted to make sure his kids got equal amounts. So he set it up so everyone gets 25% of particular large pot of money he had. It was all in writing, neat as a pin. Then one of the sons asked for an got 80% of the money that was in his "share" of that pot in advance. So grandfather reduced his share in the documentation, neat as a pin, in writing.
Then grandparents died, and the son who had gotten his money from the pot early lobbied another sibling, the one with the most money of her own, to just ignore grandfather's wishes and divide up the remaining money by splitting it 4 ways. So then it became 2 against 2. In the end grandfather's wishes were honored by the executor, but it was a mess, and it was not a great thing for everyone to be arguing about while riding in a minivan together on the way to grandmother's funeral.
Indeed. I used to know a family where the couple's shared assets were to be divided evenly between all the kids. When the man died after a long illness, their real estate empire (jointly owned by him and his wife, who built it up from scratch) was divided into two. Half went to his sons. The remainder was to be used to support his wife the rest of her life, after which time it would be divided among the daughters, who received nothing at the time of their father's death except some personal effects. The lady lived another decade, while her female offspring mostly struggled and her male offspring did very well because the value of their assets increased as did the ones in her care. But at the end of her life, she decided that it wasn't fair that her remaining assets had appreciated so that they were worth almost double the value of what her sons had received. (There had been a similar appreciation of the assets her sons had received, plus those heirs had received the benefit of ten years of income from those assets, but that didn't factor into the lady's calculations.) She therefore changed her will so that her remaining assets were divided evenly among the boys and girls. The result was that her boys received roughly triple what her girls did. The will allowed any of the children to buy the lady's house at a fraction of its market value, and one of the adult children made arrangements to do that, except the executor brother responded to lobbying from some of the in-laws and cancelled the sale so that the house could be sold at full market value and the proceeds divided. Really it was like something out of a novel.
These stories--really most of the stories in this thread--make me sad and a smidge nervous.
Presumably, I'll be privy to 2 estate settlements in my life, my parents and DH's parents. (I'll be somewhat on the sidelines of the latter, but as Team Villanelle Household, I'll be in the thick of it with DH.) Maybe I'm naive, but I expect my sibling, who will be executor, to be entirely reasonable. We may squabble over who gets the best charm on mom's charm bracelet (mom knows I want the bracelet and has made it clear that's what is to happen, but that Sister--S--gets one charm of her choice). Or how long I have to come collect the sentimental items I want, which may be a pain, depending on where I'm living at the time. Or even whether we accept X offer on the house or hold out for more. That kind of thing. But in general, I don't see us fighting over money, I trust her to be reasonable and respectful as executor, and I anticipate no issue. But I wonder if many of the people from the stories in this thread said the same things, up until it happened.
With DH, I fully anticipate his sibling being greedy and presumptuous and even outright absconding with the figurative silverware if he can. That estate should be a fairly small amount, and probably far less than BIL imagines/hopes. I am guessing DH is the executor since BIL is an irresponsible mess at all times, or perhaps MIL's husband. (As I understand it, they have kept almost entirely separate assets, and the house is only in her name and was hers before they married. But he's a lawyer, so I can see him being executor, possibly. Unlike my family, DH's doesn't talk about this stuff so it's just a guess.)
DH and I have talked about it and a very likely outcome of this all is to tell BIL that everything is his except a few sentimental items, but that he then has to take on the work. IOW, DH walks away, not only from any money, but from the tax filings and paperwork to prove death and dealing with realtors (although the house has a reverse mortgage so there may not be a sale) and anything else. We are hopeful that if DH decides that's the best course, it will avoid some of the drama seen in this thread, but who really knows? Even if BIL is reasonable and rational and friendly (which he has never been, on his best day), DH *may* still decide to hand everything over as BIL needs it far, far, far more than we do. He currently lives with his mom and has no job, and no prospects, so when she dies, he will likely be a couple months from being on the streets. So DH may just consider it his gift to BIL, and one last chance for BIL to finally get his life together. OTOH, it's entirely possible--probable, even--that any money would end up in a fancy truck and/or a liquor store till, and in a year, BIL will again be broke. What he really needs is an annuity of some kind, but I'm not sure MIL has enough money for an annuity (or a controlled monthly amount) that someone could live off of , even if she stipulated that was what she wanted to happen.
Anyway, I guess my point is that while I think I have a good idea of how all the involved parties will respond, and that there are rough plans to avoid most drama, I wonder if that's not just wishful thinking. Did most of the people in these stories have good reason to believe everything would be fine, until it wasn't? Or were these relationships already strained? Were there signs that it would devolve into greed, even if the people involved didn't see them? Or were these healthy, stable relationships among healthy, stable, reasonable, honest people that exploded anyway? Were there warning signs, or was it truly a surprise to everyone that this stuff happened?
