Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.

[mustachepungoeshere]

My parents bought an old house from the estate of a rather eccentric old lady. We started working on the house, and some of the lady's kids stopped by to probe us to see if we found anything in the remodel.

Some dementia patients are known to hide money.

My aunt ignored my grandmother for months, then suddenly showed up to help clear out the house because she'd (correctly) heard my grandmother had been hiding jars and envelopes full of money.

[Dave1442397]

My parents bought an old house from the estate of a rather eccentric old lady. We started working on the house, and some of the lady's kids stopped by to probe us to see if we found anything in the remodel.

Some dementia patients are known to hide money.

My aunt ignored my grandmother for months, then suddenly showed up to help clear out the house because she'd (correctly) heard my grandmother had been hiding jars and envelopes full of money.

When my in-laws bought their house (now our house) back in 1976, they found five $100 bills under the rug in the living room.

On another note, a friend of ours inherited her mother's house a few years ago. The backstory on this one is kind of funny. This lady is one of those people who's never happy unless there's drama in her life, so she was always at odds with her husband's family. They pretty much only talked to her when they had to.

So now her mom dies, and she inherits a three-family home in Edison, NJ. Her mom was a college professor, so she wasn't expecting to be left much apart from the house. The house was full (not quite Hoarders level, but close) with periodicals and books, and they decided to start clearing it out and doing a reno before renting it out.

As they started moving stacks of magazines, they started finding mail, banknotes and financial documents between the pages and buried in the stacks. Instead of a weekend of clearing clutter, they spent six months going through the place. When all was done, the estate came out to just over $5,000,000, and when they started they only knew about the house (worth $600k or so) and around $100k in various bank accounts.

That was the good news. Of course, they couldn't keep it to themselves, so now her in-laws find out about it and start sucking up to her, looking for loans and handouts, and trying to get to the money through her husband. Lots more drama (the stories are like a bad sitcom).

Their son never did very well in school before the inheritance, and has since quit community college and is living at home, doing nothing much. His girlfriend also moved in (a whole other story of an abusive family) and they both hang out playing video games all day. I don't know if they've figured the parents' life expectancy into the equation, but they seem to think they'll never need to work.

[CheapskateWife]

My FIL's one cousin kept asking my FIL "why the hell did she give me and you money? She hated us!"

Maybe her one final fuck-you was to get people to squabble over the money. "I'll cut out the one I like, give money to the ones I don't, this'll be a riot. Fuck 'em."

That's it...I'm changing my will to reflect this exact plan. 

[Spiffy]

My parents bought an old house from the estate of a rather eccentric old lady. We started working on the house, and some of the lady's kids stopped by to probe us to see if we found anything in the remodel.

Some dementia patients are known to hide money.

My aunt ignored my grandmother for months, then suddenly showed up to help clear out the house because she'd (correctly) heard my grandmother had been hiding jars and envelopes full of money.

And some hide other things. A friend of my family with dementia hid jars of pee!  Not what you want to find at the back of a closet.

[Spork]

My parents bought an old house from the estate of a rather eccentric old lady. We started working on the house, and some of the lady's kids stopped by to probe us to see if we found anything in the remodel.

Some dementia patients are known to hide money.

My aunt ignored my grandmother for months, then suddenly showed up to help clear out the house because she'd (correctly) heard my grandmother had been hiding jars and envelopes full of money.

And some hide other things. A friend of my family with dementia hid jars of pee!  Not what you want to find at the back of a closet.

Reminds me of a Frank Zappa song...

[mm1970]

This seems to be a thing, kids thinking that their thrifty parents were rich.

I think a lot of people underestimate the amount of money and resources spent on them growing up, especially with regard to the opportunity cost they created for the parents. Much of the spending and time investment happens when the parents are in their twenties and thirties, and that's when a person gets the biggest bang for the buck from earning and investing.

I think a lot of people also underestimate how expensive being old is. Any kind of professional care, be it a full-on nursing home or just someone who pops in to help with the shopping, gets expensive fast. If there's anything about our financial plans that keeps me up at night, it's the idea of burning through all our money in a few years of end-of-life care and then running out. My parents' house is worth a ton of money, almost a million pounds, but I can well imagine my generation not seeing any of it because of my parents needing to sell and spend all the money on just being really old. So even if there was money when the parent retired, it's not necessarily there when they die.

Yes, this.  Which is how it should be.  If you've worked hard and saved money, and you get old - you use that money for care.  With money, you can live in a nicer place, have better food, and get better care.  (I've seen a variety of retirement homes, some are darned near depressing.)

I mean, it's great if you can inherit, but don't bet on it.

[jslasher88]

Ooh, I've got a story.

My brother-in-law recently inherited 80k from his deceased grandma's estate. Not exactly ideal for a 26-year-old father of 2 who can't hold a job due to extreme anger/alcoholism.

Since graduating with a degree in Music Business 3 years ago, he has worked for less than 3 months of that time. He quit a Home Depot part time job, was fired from a bank, and then moved his family into his mom's house to live rent-and-responsibility free until they left due to arguments with his brother.

Since inheriting 80k last summer, he now has less than half of it left. He hasn't worked since June, lost his kids in August, and now spends all day drinking with my sister in their 4-bedroom apartment (she refuses to work as well). They eat out at restaurants every day, window-shop, spend hundreds on iTunes, Amazon, etc. Meanwhile, I work 3 jobs to pay into their food stamps.

The money will be gone by summer. Meanwhile, my 60 year old parents are now raising a 4 and 1-year-old because of the horrible situation. The people at fault here refuse to acknowledge that they have a substance problem while they hemorrhage a gift that could have turned into $1.2M in 40 years if they had invested 75% of it.

[Spork]

Ooh, I've got a story.

My brother-in-law recently inherited 80k from his deceased grandma's estate. Not exactly ideal for a 26-year-old father of 2 who can't hold a job due to extreme anger/alcoholism.

Since graduating with a degree in Music Business 3 years ago, he has worked for less than 3 months of that time. He quit a Home Depot part time job, was fired from a bank, and then moved his family into his mom's house to live rent-and-responsibility free until they left due to arguments with his brother.

Since inheriting 80k last summer, he now has less than half of it left. He hasn't worked since June, lost his kids in August, and now spends all day drinking with my sister in their 4-bedroom apartment (she refuses to work as well). They eat out at restaurants every day, window-shop, spend hundreds on iTunes, Amazon, etc. Meanwhile, I work 3 jobs to pay into their food stamps.

The money will be gone by summer. Meanwhile, my 60 year old parents are now raising a 4 and 1-year-old because of the horrible situation. The people at fault here refuse to acknowledge that they have a substance problem while they hemorrhage a gift that could have turned into $1.2M in 40 years if they had invested 75% of it.

Firstly: My sympathies.  I've been in almost exactly your shoes and watched this go down.
Secondly, some unsolicited advice.  If your parents are actually raising their grandchildren, that's probably optimal.  If, on the other hand, they're subsidizing your sister and they're living with her... I would advise you to advise them to stop.

My parents went through this.  Sis would call and say she just needed $100 for some milk, food and diapers for the kids.  Well, when the oldest kid grew up and forced my parents to talk to a substance abuse specialist, that guy tore my parents a new asshole.  He said that Dad didn't give her $100 for milk.  He gave her $100 for vodka.  All the while, oldest kid (now a smart young adult) was nodding and saying "amen, brother."

[jslasher88]

Thanks for the reply.

My parents thankfully are not enabling the rampant destructive lifestyle of my sister and her husband. The latter two have their own apartment (which they never really should have qualified for due to no work history) and are now paying $900/month for a 4-bedroom unit for just the two of them. The apartment is in the same rental house as mine, unfortunately, which means I get to hear the drunken screaming and drama through the wall several times per week.

My parents are raising the kids at my parents' house 20 minutes away. They are both retired and FI, and thankfully are quite wise overall. They refuse to do any more enabling and said that their daughter and son-in-law's next stop is public housing when the money runs dry. I just feel bad that they are not able to enjoy the retirement they planned, now that they have to repeat the parenting cycle all over again with a 4 and 1-year-old. It's a screwed-up situation, but we're trying to make the best of it.

[jslasher88]

I just remembered another good inheritance story that happened to my family a few years ago.

2003: Grandma died, leaving my grandpa a widower. Grandpa has lived modestly and amassed a multiple-million $ net worth. 3 children, including my mom.
2006: Grandpa inexplicably re-marries a miserable old shrew of a woman who shows nothing but distaste for our whole family, who tried very hard to be welcoming to her.
2009: Grandpa passes away from illness. Our family finds out that his 2nd wife had convinced him to change his entire estate, so all the money is left to her and her son from a previous marriage. Her son, who had been semi-friendly in our few interactions with him, completely ghosts during this fall-out.

Not getting money from my grandpa's estate wasn't a huge blow to my mom or her one brother, who both have been successful financially. But the third child, my other uncle, really could have benefited from a hand-out. He is deaf and has 4 children, and has always struggled to advance in his career due to his handicap. He works his butt off but has been stuck at the same level for a number of years because he can't pass performance tests.

[plainjane]

All in all my mum and aunt pissed on at least 20 000€ (one year of post tax earning each) because they could not trust their kids...

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially since we don't have kids.  We talk about how the elderly get paranoid, but we also know that the elderly are more vulnerable to being ripped off than the general population.  So they probably know someone who was ripped off by a beloved child, niece/nephew, grandchild.

They know that they aren't as sharp as they were, they know that they don't understand the current economy, they don't want to get taken in by someone who just said a bunch of gobblygook.  But they also know that they aren't qualified to tell the difference between gobblygook and not.  Hell, have you seen some of the writing by people who work in social media about the companies who are being taken to the cleaners by companies who just use the right buzzwords?

My parents are loyal to their financial adviser - is he fleecing them more than usual?  We don't have visibility.  They're mostly ok atm, but in 5 years?  And what about me?  How do I protect _our_ assets from our likely decline in interest / context if not ability (no history of dementia on my side among those who lived past 90, but the SO's family medical history is murky)?

[Dicey]

Actually this is a "thing" in our family, too, and encouraged.  Things that are special to someone are generally marked (with permission, of course).  Nothing of great consequence, but my name's on a mantle clock I remember working on with my Dad as a child (okay, Dad worked, I watched).  I'm pretty sure my sisters have something with their name on it as well.

This is a joke in my family. Whenever my parents get something new, my brothers or I say, "put my name on that!" Or if there is something really ugly my Mom asks,"Shall I put your name on this?" We all think it is hilarious and I do not doubt that we will find thing with our names actually on them after our parents are gone (a long time from now, hopefully). And we will laugh through the tears.

Here's my family's version of this: My semi-deadbeat sister (I'm trying to be kind) shimmied under the parent's new-ish car and wrote her name on the chassis. We all knew about it and took it as a joke. Fast forward a year or two and both my parents are gone. My sibs decided to interpret that as she gets the car outside of her share of the estate because she wrote her name on it when my parents were alive. Um, no. Mom intended for their estate to be divided equally. She did not mean equal slices, plus a car on top of my sister's slice, but the car wasn't in the trust, so therefore open to interpretation. My take is that the sibs who had little involvement in my parent's end-of-life care are feeling a little guilty, so they voted for her to have it.* FWIW, my parent's estate was significantly reduced due to all of the life support they'd given that particular sister (plus what she'd embezzled from them) over the years.

My parents had updated wills and trusts and paid good money for these documents. Alas, they are so vaguely written that shit like this has happened, PLUS there will be a load of taxes due because the documents are too non-specific. There's a lesson or twenty in all of this.

Fortunately, since I'm FIRE, none of this matters financially. However, I'm pissed at the way the non-helpers chose to re-interpret our parent's wishes. So, I'm fixing that by changing my own will. Why the hell was I planning to leave them so much anyway? I know that makes me sound a tad bitter, but the re-allocated money will go to charities I actively support now, so I'm good with that, I think.

*Regarding this sister: if the entire balance of my parent's modest estate went to her and her alone, she would:
A) Forever and fervently believe she deserved all of it and then some.
B) Have zero concern for any of her other sibling's financial situations.
C) Blow all of it in very short order.
D) Expect the rest of us to pretend not to notice any of this and still love and treat her equally.
E) Exert considerable and nasty* pressure on the rest of us for money for the rest of her life.

*Have I mentioned that she took post-mortem, pre-cremation, behind the scenes at the mortuary and undoubtedly without authorization (or taste) pictures of our mother's body? No? On the first Mother's Day after Mom's death she texted one of those photos to another sister. Yes, she did, she really did. Special place in hell for that dick move.

[JustGettingStarted1980]

All in all my mum and aunt pissed on at least 20 000€ (one year of post tax earning each) because they could not trust their kids...

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially since we don't have kids.  We talk about how the elderly get paranoid, but we also know that the elderly are more vulnerable to being ripped off than the general population.  So they probably know someone who was ripped off by a beloved child, niece/nephew, grandchild.

They know that they aren't as sharp as they were, they know that they don't understand the current economy, they don't want to get taken in by someone who just said a bunch of gobblygook.  But they also know that they aren't qualified to tell the difference between gobblygook and not.  Hell, have you seen some of the writing by people who work in social media about the companies who are being taken to the cleaners by companies who just use the right buzzwords?

My parents are loyal to their financial adviser - is he fleecing them more than usual?  We don't have visibility.  They're mostly ok atm, but in 5 years?  And what about me?  How do I protect _our_ assets from our likely decline in interest / context if not ability (no history of dementia on my side among those who lived past 90, but the SO's family medical history is murky)?

When I'm old and gray, I plan to use Vanguard Advisory Services. Very reputable, charge a fair amount for their services, and they KEEP IT SIMPLE.  This will greatly improve the transition to after I die as well to my loved ones (if they are smart enough to keep on using them until they can take over themselves)

[BlueHouse]

My parents bought an old house from the estate of a rather eccentric old lady. We started working on the house, and some of the lady's kids stopped by to probe us to see if we found anything in the remodel.

Some dementia patients are known to hide money.

My aunt ignored my grandmother for months, then suddenly showed up to help clear out the house because she'd (correctly) heard my grandmother had been hiding jars and envelopes full of money.

I don't think I have dementia yet, and I forget where I "hide" things all the time.  I have a closet where the baseboard section has built-in hiding spaces -- no one knows they're there unless you've been told.  Instead of using that, I've bought my second safe so that I can put that in an easy-to see spot so I don't forget it exists.  On the lighter note, I was happy when I found $50 in a coat pocket last week! 

[CheapskateWife]

All in all my mum and aunt pissed on at least 20 000€ (one year of post tax earning each) because they could not trust their kids...

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially since we don't have kids.  We talk about how the elderly get paranoid, but we also know that the elderly are more vulnerable to being ripped off than the general population.  So they probably know someone who was ripped off by a beloved child, niece/nephew, grandchild.

They know that they aren't as sharp as they were, they know that they don't understand the current economy, they don't want to get taken in by someone who just said a bunch of gobblygook.  But they also know that they aren't qualified to tell the difference between gobblygook and not.  Hell, have you seen some of the writing by people who work in social media about the companies who are being taken to the cleaners by companies who just use the right buzzwords?

My parents are loyal to their financial adviser - is he fleecing them more than usual?  We don't have visibility.  They're mostly ok atm, but in 5 years?  And what about me?  How do I protect _our_ assets from our likely decline in interest / context if not ability (no history of dementia on my side among those who lived past 90, but the SO's family medical history is murky)?

When I'm old and gray, I plan to use Vanguard Advisory Services. Very reputable, charge a fair amount for their services, and they KEEP IT SIMPLE.  This will greatly improve the transition to after I die as well to my loved ones (if they are smart enough to keep on using them until they can take over themselves)

My parents just did this but with Fidelity.  Dad feels more than competent right now, but mom is a bit of a wild card on financial management.  Dad thinks of it kind of like an insurance plan in that not only will mom have money if he goes before her, but will also have a relationship built with a financial advisor who can help advise her.  She has me too, but sometimes its hard for parents to think of going to their kids for advice. :)

[kms]

Man... this thread is GOLD! I just binge-read all 19 pages (on a totally different note those are 7 hours of my life I'm never getting back, but it was totally worth it!). I knew that people turn batshit crazy as soon as money is involved but holy cow!

Seriously. If I'd ever catch my brother going through our parents' stuff while either one of them is on their death bed I would beat the living shit out of him. Fortunately for me he would do the same thing to me if the roles were reversed. And, more importantly, this is never ever going to happen. We have an excellent relationship, we're both financially responsible adults in our mid to late 30s now, we both have financially responsible spouses, and love and value our parents and inlaws so much more than any amount of money or stuff. Our parents have also always treated us equally. Not in a 'I gave your brother $2,000 to help finance his wedding so here's your $2,000 check' kinda of way but in that they helped us both out individually when we were in need. When I got married eight years ago we were still both in grad school and didn't have much money, so my parents offered to help us finance the wedding and made it clear from the very beginning that the money was a wedding gift, and that they don't ever want any of it back. My brother on the other hand got married much later in life and him and his wife already had a steady income when they got married so they didn't get any money for their wedding from them because, well, there was no need. In return when him and his wife bought their own condo to live in in 2015 I know for a fact that my parents chipped in on the downpayment and helped them get a better deal on their mortgage. I know this for a fact because I offered to chip in as well, and he told me he didn't need any more for the downpayment but he would be very grateful if I could help him purchase a kitchen for their new place instead (quite common in Germany to purchase a condo without even a toilet bowl in it). We are very open about our financial situations to each other, and there are no hard feelings either way. I have absolutely no idea how much my parents gave him and whether or not he has to pay back any of it (I highly doubt it though), and quite frankly I don't give a tiny rat's ass. The bottom line is that we're never asking for any help from them or each other, we offer it to each other if we feel they might need it for one thing or another. Which is probably why neither of us ever had any feeling of entitlement or guilt.

This thread makes me appreciate my family even more. Methinks I should tell them that more often.

[K-ice]

I just remembered another good inheritance story that happened to my family a few years ago.

2003: Grandma died, leaving my grandpa a widower. Grandpa has lived modestly and amassed a multiple-million $ net worth. 3 children, including my mom.
2006: Grandpa inexplicably re-marries a miserable old shrew of a woman who shows nothing but distaste for our whole family, who tried very hard to be welcoming to her.
2009: Grandpa passes away from illness. Our family finds out that his 2nd wife had convinced him to change his entire estate, so all the money is left to her and her son from a previous marriage. Her son, who had been semi-friendly in our few interactions with him, completely ghosts during this fall-out.

2nd marraiges can get so complicated. I am surrounded by multiple in my extended family. The best ones are those where there is clear transparency & a pre-nup & openly discussed wills.

There is still some tension but it's much better. One example, if either die the other spouse  gets $200K from the estate. They each have seperate property & finances. The property they live in is currently owned by spouse A. If they die spouse B gets to live in it for 1y then it goes to the estate & Spouse A's children. Spouse B has a rental. If they die first Spouse A gets the rent for one year then it goes back to the estate. .

The children of spouse A & B say hi at family events but are not really on speaking terms. So having a clear will is the best.

Another example, 2nd marraige, spouse A 3 kids, spouse B 2 kids. Wills written up so estate goes to other spouse first. If they are both gone then it gets split 16.666 x 3 & 25 x 2.  There is a bit of tension as to why it's not 5x20. But for 40y the wills have been written this way. (They've been updated but virtually unchanged.) My only concern is if one spouse passes long before the other. If that spouse remarries then what would happen? Also, even if that spouse were to spend a large portion of the estate I can see at least one child on each side getting pretty antsy they arn't getting their "share" yet. I can see lots of tension unless some clear agreement is made with the third spouse.


That 3rd spouse should probably get something but I think completely cutting out ones children (unless they are estranged assholes) is wrong.

Give it all to charity instead, but the post above just describes manipulative gold diggers.

[radram]

Man... this thread is GOLD! I just binge-read all 19 pages (on a totally different note those are 7 hours of my life I'm never getting back, but it was totally worth it!). I knew that people turn batshit crazy as soon as money is involved but holy cow!

Seriously. If I'd ever catch my brother going through our parents' stuff while either one of them is on their death bed I would beat the living shit out of him. Fortunately for me he would do the same thing to me if the roles were reversed. And, more importantly, this is never ever going to happen. We have an excellent relationship, we're both financially responsible adults in our mid to late 30s now, we both have financially responsible spouses, and love and value our parents and inlaws so much more than any amount of money or stuff. Our parents have also always treated us equally. Not in a 'I gave your brother $2,000 to help finance his wedding so here's your $2,000 check' kinda of way but in that they helped us both out individually when we were in need. When I got married eight years ago we were still both in grad school and didn't have much money, so my parents offered to help us finance the wedding and made it clear from the very beginning that the money was a wedding gift, and that they don't ever want any of it back. My brother on the other hand got married much later in life and him and his wife already had a steady income when they got married so they didn't get any money for their wedding from them because, well, there was no need. In return when him and his wife bought their own condo to live in in 2015 I know for a fact that my parents chipped in on the downpayment and helped them get a better deal on their mortgage. I know this for a fact because I offered to chip in as well, and he told me he didn't need any more for the downpayment but he would be very grateful if I could help him purchase a kitchen for their new place instead (quite common in Germany to purchase a condo without even a toilet bowl in it). We are very open about our financial situations to each other, and there are no hard feelings either way. I have absolutely no idea how much my parents gave him and whether or not he has to pay back any of it (I highly doubt it though), and quite frankly I don't give a tiny rat's ass. The bottom line is that we're never asking for any help from them or each other, we offer it to each other if we feel they might need it for one thing or another. Which is probably why neither of us ever had any feeling of entitlement or guilt.

This thread makes me appreciate my family even more. Methinks I should tell them that more often.

We are here to help push each other to action when we can, so here goes:

Go tell your family, and then come back and tell us what they said :)

[mbk]

Long time ago, I got few violin lessons from an old lady in exchange of helping her with emailing and printing documents from computer. She retired as a violinist after spending her entire career at a big symphony orchestra. One day she told me her violin would sell for more than $500k. I never knew violins could be so expensive. The violin I used for classes was rented for $30 bucks/month. :)

Sharing this one on behalf of my boss' wife, as it was told to me after a few beers - fake names used just to prevent any confusion since it all sounded a little too perfect to be true.

As a young man, Grandpa Al came to Australia with nothing but a suitcase and a dream. In that suitcase was a https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stradivarius violin however, so he had that going for him. Skip forward a couple decades and Grandpa Al has become older and frailer and it's up to his youngest daughter Belle to look after him in his final years since everyone else has moved interstate.

When Grandpa Al finally passes most of the family hasn't spoken to him in months and despite having 5 children, only a few bother to show up to his funeral.

Now, what DOES get their attention is that stradivarius violin that he'd kept locked up tight. Probably worth millions, the rest of his estate consists of his humble abode, its contents and the land it sat on. Something like 100k all up and his will is a barebones matter saying that everything is to be split evenly between the 5 children.

Immediately, children who didn't bother to show up to the funeral are calling Belle and pestering her about the Violin which had been Grandpa Al's pride and joy but never specifically mentioned in the will or insured because he wasn't a banking sort of guy. Everyone insists they had been promised it verbally and within days Belle is being pestered by four different lawyers and urged to take her own due to the amount of money involved.

By the time the dust settles, the family that was once distant is now fractured, family members and their spouses have lied to each other, had screaming matches, etc etc. Four lawyers' fees taken out of the estate have reduced it down to a fraction of its meagre amount and the Stradivarius is finally retrieved and valued at... less than a grand.

Turns out it was a fake. Either Grandpa Al had been swindled back in his 20s or he had bought the thing more recently and just spun a very convincing tall tale without realising how much strife it would cause.

Long story short, most of the family still won't talk to each other and the fake violin is sitting in a dusty cupboard somewhere in Belle's new house.

[rpr]

Bear with me with this stupid story of greed and avarice. :)

Grandpa had 9 kids :)  -- S1, S2, S3, S4, D1, D2, S5, D3, D4. This was over a period of 20 years.

When above grandpa died, he left behind grandma and the following kids/grandkids.

S1 married, no kids
S2 married with 2 sons and 1 daughter -- S2S1, S2S2, S2D1
S3 married with 1 daughter and 1 son -- S3D1, S3S1
S4 married with 1 daughter -- S4D1
D1 married with 3 sons and 1 daughter -- D1S1, D1S2, D1S3, D1D1
D2 married with 1 son and 2 daughters -- D2S1, D2D1, D2D2
S5 was secretly married when grandpa died (grandpa and grandma would have strongly disapproved)
D3 married with 1 daughter and 1 son -- D3D1 and D3S1
D4 married and just about to deliver any day (in fact D4D1 born 3 days after grandpa died)

According to most known wills and grandpa's wishes prior to his death everything was supposed to have been divided equally among all children.

But the will that emerged contained the following.

Property (mainly consisting of a house which was prime real estate) was divided into 5 shares. Also the property was completely in grandpa's name only with grandma having no rights to it.  Plus grandma had zero assets of her own.

Grandma gets nothing (but see below).
S1 gets nothing
S2 gets nothing directly BUT grandkids S2S1 and S2S2 get 1 share each
S3 gets 1 share
S4 gets 1 share
S5 gets 1 share
D1 through D4 get nothing.

Grandma was allowed to live  in the above property as long as she was alive OR for seven years whichever was shorter. If she lived longer than seven years, then she was at the mercy of her children.

This will caused a huge drama in the family. The remaining sons  felt that S2 had contrived to get more than his share. The daughters were pissed that they had gotten nothing. This was despite the fact that D1 and D4 had taken care of grandpa when the sons did not. The sons and daughters would not speak to each other. Lawsuits were filed in court. After many years there was a settlement and the daughters got a small pittance.

Seven years had passed and grandma was still alive. She was evicted from the house as the sons claimed their shares. The house was sold to a developer and demolished in order to construct a big apartment block. None of the daughters in law wanted to keep grandma in their house as they did not get along. Also grandma was too proud to go and live with any of her daughters.

With his share of the money S5 bought an apartment and had grandma stay there with him. But  he brought along his wife. Grandma would have nothing to do with the daughter in law as she completely disapproved of this marriage (equivalent to inter-racial).

In the meanwhile, S1 had passed away. Grandma went to live with her first daughter in law (wife of the disinherited S1). She finally passed away after having outlived grandpa by almost two decades.

What a freaking mess. The ramifications of this continue to this day more than thirty years after grandpa passed away.

PS: Karma's a bitch -- S2 was always known to be extremely greedy when it came to money. He got married to a woman who was even more greedier than him. This woman DIL2 was a single child who parents were extremely wealthy. DIL2 was so horrible that she alienated her own parents. After a fight between DIL2 and her mom, her mom passed away. DIL2's father blamed his daughter for causing her moms death. When DIL2's father died, his will completely disinherited DIL2 (his own daughter) and he gave the property to some distant relatives who cared for him his last few years. That will was brutal. S2 and DIL2 were always good at lawyering up and they managed to get back some of the money.

[CU Tiger]

Wow, rpr, that is a terrible story! Doesn't it seem like some folks are so mean that they use their wills to continue making people miserable long after they are dead?

I think the Rom had  the right idea when they burned the vardo after someone died. All their possessions - up in smoke. Nothing to fight over...

But in your story, it was beyond cruel to leave his wife with no resources.

[Captain FIRE]

rpr, not a dower right state, I take it?  Or an option to take an elective share?  I'm surprised the grandmother couldn't sue for a portion of the inheritance (considering the daughters managed to get a small share).  Google seems to say most states are covered by the elective share or community property state.  (Unless they are not in the states.)

[Metric Mouse]

Long time ago, I got few violin lessons from an old lady in exchange of helping her with emailing and printing documents from computer. She retired as a violinist after spending her entire career at a big symphony orchestra. One day she told me her violin would sell for more than $500k. I never knew violins could be so expensive. The violin I used for classes was rented for $30 bucks/month. :)

This would make me think that my entire house was just a $250K case for my $500k violin... And my car was a $3,000 armored transport for my $500K violin. It would skew my world-view to have an object so valuable in my possession...

[rpr]

rpr, not a dower right state, I take it?  Or an option to take an elective share?  I'm surprised the grandmother couldn't sue for a portion of the inheritance (considering the daughters managed to get a small share).  Google seems to say most states are covered by the elective share or community property state.  (Unless they are not in the states.)

Wow, rpr, that is a terrible story! Doesn't it seem like some folks are so mean that they use their wills to continue making people miserable long after they are dead?

I think the Rom had  the right idea when they burned the vardo after someone died. All their possessions - up in smoke. Nothing to fight over...

But in your story, it was beyond cruel to leave his wife with no resources.

Not from the US. Property rights are very poor for women in this country. The only way women can easily inherit is if there are no male siblings. I have seen wills and testaments. To this day, property usually belongs solely to the husband. Some men write into the will that their wives can stay there as long as they are alive. However they cannot sell the house.

Also, grandma did not object too much to the will initially. She was really hoping that S2/DIL2 would take care of her. Alas, that was not to be.

In her culture, she viewed daughters as being worth much less than sons. Furthermore, once the daughter was married, then the daughter did not belong to her family. Thus, she would not be able to go live with her daughter. Two of the daughters did ask her to live with them. But she refused. Still, one of the daughters would go over several times a week to help grandma and DIL1 who were living together. Both of them had practically no money to their names.

The real sad part of this is that grandma grew up in a culture where women were brainwashed into believing that men were superior to women and that it was her lot to suffer. Things are changing slowly.

[Captain FIRE]

So what happens then, if none of the sons take in the mom?  Are there any social supports?  Or are there a lot of widows that are out on the streets if the kids don't choose to take care of her?

Maybe should have given S2 both shares rather than his kids, if they wanted him to take care of mom (and made it contingent on taking care of mom).  So was dad just oblivious to the troubles that could happen to his wife, didn't care or what?

[rpr]

So what happens then, if none of the sons take in the mom?  Are there any social supports?  Or are there a lot of widows that are out on the streets if the kids don't choose to take care of her?

Maybe should have given S2 both shares rather than his kids, if they wanted him to take care of mom (and made it contingent on taking care of mom).  So was dad just oblivious to the troubles that could happen to his wife, didn't care or what?

Typically there is lots of extended family around and the inheriting sons/DIL's often feel enough guilt via social/community pressure from family elders  to take care of the mom.

Things are changing but slowly. For example, a  more recent will/testament I have seen  allows the wife to stay in the dead husband's house as long as she is alive and without any time limits. That's an improvement ;)

In some ways, it almost seems better if the husband dies intestate. The law then treats the wife as an equal claimant along with the children. There is some hope in that situation and the widow can then block any sales.

Sometimes the extended  family can help directly as well. There maybe siblings of the widow along with kindly nephews and nieces (*) who may feel enough pity to help.

S2 was well aware as he schemed to get two shares to his two kids while claiming that he was disinherited. Other than S2's sons, none of the other grandkids inherited anything. Rumors abound that at the time the will was written, grandpa was not in good health both physically and mentally. S2 was the richest and most well off among all of the children but was always greedy for more along with DIL2.

(*) -- S2 is now dead while DIL2 is still alive. None of DIL2's two DILs will have anything to do with her due to her behaviour. Ironically, the one person who does pay attention to some extent to DIL2 is her niece (D1D1) who lives nearby and feels sorry for her. This is even though both D1D1  and her mom D1 were disinherited in grandpa's will due to the machinations of S2 and DIL2. 

[TheGrimSqueaker]

So what happens then, if none of the sons take in the mom?  Are there any social supports?  Or are there a lot of widows that are out on the streets if the kids don't choose to take care of her?

Maybe should have given S2 both shares rather than his kids, if they wanted him to take care of mom (and made it contingent on taking care of mom).  So was dad just oblivious to the troubles that could happen to his wife, didn't care or what?

Typically there is lots of extended family around and the inheriting sons/DIL's often feel enough guilt via social/community pressure from family elders  to take care of the mom.

Things are changing but slowly. For example, a  more recent will/testament I have seen  allows the wife to stay in the dead husband's house as long as she is alive and without any time limits. That's an improvement ;)

In some ways, it almost seems better if the husband dies intestate. The law then treats the wife as an equal claimant along with the children. There is some hope in that situation and the widow can then block any sales.

Sometimes the extended  family can help directly as well. There maybe siblings of the widow along with kindly nephews and nieces (*) who may feel enough pity to help.

S2 was well aware as he schemed to get two shares to his two kids while claiming that he was disinherited. Other than S2's sons, none of the other grandkids inherited anything. Rumors abound that at the time the will was written, grandpa was not in good health both physically and mentally. S2 was the richest and most well off among all of the children but was always greedy for more along with DIL2.

(*) -- S2 is now dead while DIL2 is still alive. None of DIL2's two DILs will have anything to do with her due to her behaviour. Ironically, the one person who does pay attention to some extent to DIL2 is her niece (D1D1) who lives nearby and feels sorry for her. This is even though both D1D1  and her mom D1 were disinherited in grandpa's will due to the machinations of S2 and DIL2.

This would actually make a very good soap opera.

[fredbear]

When my ex-in-laws died, they had left half the estate in 5 parts, once part to each of their children; and the other half to the middle son, who was the executor.  Knowing all the offspring and having been divorced from one of them, I thought this a recipe for catastrophe, but it actually revealed their real insight into their children's characters.  I am decades out of the marriage that connected me to them, but still see him with pleasure and admiration.  Back when the parents were still alive, it was he who persuaded them to set up education trusts for each of the grandchildren, then invested them and doled them out, at least initially.  The other siblings were, and are, bubbling in a vat of dysfunction, envy, and barely-suppressed conflict.  He served honorably as the executor and wound up his parents' lives without the help of his siblings though with their complaint and sniping, so that when the first half of the estate was parted out, there was more money for each of them than there would have been.  He accepted the other half of the inheritance and grew it.  He told them he did not want to screw his brothers and sisters, but if they could not behave, he would.  This largely checked their unruliness and public misbehavior, though it did nothing to stem the bitching.  When all was settled, he split the second inheritance into 5 parts.  Though it was his to keep by will and by right,  he gave it to them equally.  I don't know if any of them ever thanked him, and from a fullness of experience, very much doubt any did.  The parents recognized his frugality, competence, generous spirit, and general crustiness, and they were right about him.  To my children he is and will always be the favorite Reprobate Uncle.  I conclude from his example that there are some very large people among us, and many of those they benefit will never realize they have been supported by a better than they.

[Adventine]

When my ex-in-laws died, they had left half the estate in 5 parts, once part to each of their children; and the other half to the middle son, who was the executor.  Knowing all the offspring and having been divorced from one of them, I thought this a recipe for catastrophe, but it actually revealed their real insight into their children's characters.  I am decades out of the marriage that connected me to them, but still see him with pleasure and admiration.  Back when the parents were still alive, it was he who persuaded them to set up education trusts for each of the grandchildren, then invested them and doled them out, at least initially.  The other siblings were, and are, bubbling in a vat of dysfunction, envy, and barely-suppressed conflict.  He served honorably as the executor and wound up his parents' lives without the help of his siblings though with their complaint and sniping, so that when the first half of the estate was parted out, there was more money for each of them than there would have been.  He accepted the other half of the inheritance and grew it.  He told them he did not want to screw his brothers and sisters, but if they could not behave, he would.  This largely checked their unruliness and public misbehavior, though it did nothing to stem the bitching.  When all was settled, he split the second inheritance into 5 parts.  Though it was his to keep by will and by right,  he gave it to them equally.  I don't know if any of them ever thanked him, and from a fullness of experience, very much doubt any did.  The parents recognized his frugality, competence, generous spirit, and general crustiness, and they were right about him.  To my children he is and will always be the favorite Reprobate Uncle.  I conclude from his example that there are some very large people among us, and many of those they benefit will never realize they have been supported by a better than they.

That is a wonderful story. I want to be one of those Reprobate Aunts too!

[DaMa]

[

My parents bought an old house from the estate of a rather eccentric old lady. We started working on the house, and some of the lady's kids stopped by to probe us to see if we found anything in the remodel.

My grandfather used to hide money in the house.  My grandma and aunt went through the place carefully after he died and found almost $10k, but my father doubts they found it all.  The house was sold shortly after and has been extensively remodeled.  I have often thought about stopping and asking if they found more money.  Not that I want any, but just out of curiosity.

[paddedhat]

My parents had updated wills and trusts and paid good money for these documents. Alas, they are so vaguely written that shit like this has happened, PLUS there will be a load of taxes due because the documents are too non-specific. There's a lesson or twenty in all of this.

My mom made this same mistake. Shortly before she passed, she dumped about $900 into having her will redrawn. The lawyer who did the work was a fuck up who ended up CREATING loose ends and causing the executor (me) needless headaches and legal expenses to get things straightened out. I have a suspicion that she did it because she wanted to "protect" my younger half sister, who is a dysfunctional  mess and a monument to entitlement delusions. Mom wanted to include a clause that I, as the older brother, responsible adult and executor, would assume the position of chief enabler, and continue to coddle and support a grown woman who desperately needed a nuclear grade kick in the ass. I'm pretty sure that the document was such a poorly written piece of garbage due to the fact that other competent estate attorneys told her that they could not, and would not, include such a ridiculous and unenforceable clause.
in the end, much to most of the player's collective surprise, the sister's share was accepted by a trust designed to protect the inheritable assets of disabled adults. Personally, I thought it was an embarrassing misuse of the trust's intent and mission, but OTOH, it eliminated a big problem of how to move on and disengage from her never ending drama and bullshit.
So yea, I know how it feels to discover that a clown of a lawyer, who drafts a screwed up will, isn't much better than no will at all.

[rpr]

This would actually make a very good soap opera.

Indeed. The first decade after grandpa died was interesting, to say the least ;)

[JrDoctor]

I think a lot of people also underestimate how expensive being old is. Any kind of professional care, be it a full-on nursing home or just someone who pops in to help with the shopping, gets expensive fast. If there's anything about our financial plans that keeps me up at night, it's the idea of burning through all our money in a few years of end-of-life care and then running out. My parents' house is worth a ton of money, almost a million pounds, but I can well imagine my generation not seeing any of it because of my parents needing to sell and spend all the money on just being really old. So even if there was money when the parent retired, it's not necessarily there when they die.

One thing which annoys me is the fact that many people think they should get to keep their assets (especially their house) and expect the state to pay for care/nursing home costs so they can pass wealth onto the next generation.  It's reductive, passes wealth onto the already wealthy and effectively makes normal tax payers subsidise someone's inheritance.  One patient yesterday said she hadn't quit smoking because she hadn't got into the GP's for nicotine replacement and when her relative quipped you could buy it over the counter the patient said 'why should she?'.  Alot of the elderly greatly overestimate the amount of tax they have paid in versus how much they have had out.  The majority have had more out of the state than they ever put in. 

[paddedhat]

I think a lot of people also underestimate how expensive being old is. Any kind of professional care, be it a full-on nursing home or just someone who pops in to help with the shopping, gets expensive fast. If there's anything about our financial plans that keeps me up at night, it's the idea of burning through all our money in a few years of end-of-life care and then running out. My parents' house is worth a ton of money, almost a million pounds, but I can well imagine my generation not seeing any of it because of my parents needing to sell and spend all the money on just being really old. So even if there was money when the parent retired, it's not necessarily there when they die.

One thing which annoys me is the fact that many people think they should get to keep their assets (especially their house) and expect the state to pay for care/nursing home costs so they can pass wealth onto the next generation.  It's reductive, passes wealth onto the already wealthy and effectively makes normal tax payers subsidise someone's inheritance.  One patient yesterday said she hadn't quit smoking because she hadn't got into the GP's for nicotine replacement and when her relative quipped you could buy it over the counter the patient said 'why should she?'.  Alot of the elderly greatly overestimate the amount of tax they have paid in versus how much they have had out.  The majority have had more out of the state than they ever put in.

It's amazing. I have had the unfortunate experience of watching a few older folks who spend their golden years wasting away in front of a TV, or computer, spewing propaganda from Fox news and the like. They then develop the delusion that they (being white,and the chosen ones) have "earned" everything they receive from the social welfare system, and more.  They are also convinced that, as special snowflakes, they are in fact NOT getting a dime from any socialist program, only having their hard earned contributions returned to them. This coupled with the fact that they are entitled to keeping all of their assets, until such time as they transfer to the children, since the "government only wants to steal it".  Naturally, all this is accompanied by the less than subtle racist undertones that "others" don't deserve the same benefits, since you know......................

[JrDoctor]

It's amazing. I have had the unfortunate experience of watching a few older folks who spend their golden years wasting away in front of a TV, or computer, spewing propaganda from Fox news and the like. They then develop the delusion that they (being white,and the chosen ones) have "earned" everything they receive from the social welfare system, and more.  They are also convinced that, as special snowflakes, they are in fact NOT getting a dime from any socialist program, only having their hard earned contributions returned to them. This coupled with the fact that they are entitled to keeping all of their assets, until such time as they transfer to the children, since the "government only wants to steal it".  Naturally, all this is accompanied by the less than subtle racist undertones that "others" don't deserve the same benefits, since you know......................

The cognitive dissonance is amazing, they use roads and infrastructure paid by the state, healthcare, social care and every facet of their life involves state expenditure.  Its worse in the UK with the elderly not realising a hospital bed costs £300 a night,  that one week stay with sepsis wiped out probably a year of tax they paid in one go.  Hip replacement £7,000...  it goes on and on.  Then they likewise get racist and blame immigrants for the NHS's struggles, especially with brexit, not realising young immigrants are one of the main reason the UK's health service is still standing despite the greying of the country.

[JustGettingStarted1980]

The Average Medicare Beneficiary gets 3$ back for every 1$ contribution to the plan. How is that sustainable?

Goes to show, it pays to VOTE!

[Playing with Fire UK]

The Average Medicare Beneficiary gets 3$ back for every 1$ contribution to the plan. How is that sustainable?

Inflation adjusted dollars or not?

[TheGrimSqueaker]

The Average Medicare Beneficiary gets 3$ back for every 1$ contribution to the plan. How is that sustainable?

It can be sustainable if there's a big enough pool of people who pay into it but who never become beneficiaries. Maybe they die early in a traffic accident, maybe they're undocumented and have the contributions deducted from their paycheck but aren't eligible to claim anything later, maybe they move overseas to live out their golden years in a place with year-long summer weather, or maybe they just don't apply for it because they genuinely believe they don't need it.

[Zoot]

To the OP and anyone else interested:  more inheritance stories can be found in this thread on the general discussion board:

http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/unequal-inheritance-what-would-you-do/

[gaja]

The Average Medicare Beneficiary gets 3$ back for every 1$ contribution to the plan. How is that sustainable?

It can be sustainable if there's a big enough pool of people who pay into it but who never become beneficiaries. Maybe they die early in a traffic accident, maybe they're undocumented and have the contributions deducted from their paycheck but aren't eligible to claim anything later, maybe they move overseas to live out their golden years in a place with year-long summer weather, or maybe they just don't apply for it because they genuinely believe they don't need it.

And it can be sustainable on a society level if it keeps a larger part of the population healthy and in the work force for a longer time.

[Just Joe]

Long time ago, I got few violin lessons from an old lady in exchange of helping her with emailing and printing documents from computer. She retired as a violinist after spending her entire career at a big symphony orchestra. One day she told me her violin would sell for more than $500k. I never knew violins could be so expensive. The violin I used for classes was rented for $30 bucks/month. :)

This would make me think that my entire house was just a $250K case for my $500k violin... And my car was a $3,000 armored transport for my $500K violin. It would skew my world-view to have an object so valuable in my possession...

When we watch "Antiques Roadshow" and the mystery knick-knack from the garage sale gets valued at hundred of thousands of dollars. All I can think of is if the "expert" says it is worth $500K then I'd gladly and eagerly sell it for $500K right then and there. Not because I'm greedy but because I don't want to own any sort of artwork or other treasure that is worth that much. Too many ways to lose that value.

[dandarc]

Long time ago, I got few violin lessons from an old lady in exchange of helping her with emailing and printing documents from computer. She retired as a violinist after spending her entire career at a big symphony orchestra. One day she told me her violin would sell for more than $500k. I never knew violins could be so expensive. The violin I used for classes was rented for $30 bucks/month. :)

This would make me think that my entire house was just a $250K case for my $500k violin... And my car was a $3,000 armored transport for my $500K violin. It would skew my world-view to have an object so valuable in my possession...

When we watch "Antiques Roadshow" and the mystery knick-knack from the garage sale gets valued at hundred of thousands of dollars. All I can think of is if the "expert" says it is worth $500K then I'd gladly and eagerly sell it for $500K right then and there. Not because I'm greedy but because I don't want to own any sort of artwork or other treasure that is worth that much. Too many ways to lose that value.

The real question is - would you sell it for $250K (or whatever wholesale offer you can get out of the guy) right then and there?  Much more likely to find a buyer quickly if you leave them room to make some money flipping the thing.

[TheGrimSqueaker]

Long time ago, I got few violin lessons from an old lady in exchange of helping her with emailing and printing documents from computer. She retired as a violinist after spending her entire career at a big symphony orchestra. One day she told me her violin would sell for more than $500k. I never knew violins could be so expensive. The violin I used for classes was rented for $30 bucks/month. :)

This would make me think that my entire house was just a $250K case for my $500k violin... And my car was a $3,000 armored transport for my $500K violin. It would skew my world-view to have an object so valuable in my possession...

When we watch "Antiques Roadshow" and the mystery knick-knack from the garage sale gets valued at hundred of thousands of dollars. All I can think of is if the "expert" says it is worth $500K then I'd gladly and eagerly sell it for $500K right then and there. Not because I'm greedy but because I don't want to own any sort of artwork or other treasure that is worth that much. Too many ways to lose that value.

The real question is - would you sell it for $250K (or whatever wholesale offer you can get out of the guy) right then and there?  Much more likely to find a buyer quickly if you leave them room to make some money flipping the thing.

Hmm, flipping isn't a skill I have for anything more complicated than pancakes. I don't know that I'd be able to line up a qualified real buyer-- I would stand a good chance of getting ripped off-- and there's also the chance that the appraiser is mistaken and the on-the-spot offer is too high. So I'd be likely to go with the bird in the hand.

[Secretly Saving]

Actually this is a "thing" in our family, too, and encouraged.  Things that are special to someone are generally marked (with permission, of course).  Nothing of great consequence, but my name's on a mantle clock I remember working on with my Dad as a child (okay, Dad worked, I watched).  I'm pretty sure my sisters have something with their name on it as well.

This is a joke in my family. Whenever my parents get something new, my brothers or I say, "put my name on that!" Or if there is something really ugly my Mom asks,"Shall I put your name on this?" We all think it is hilarious and I do not doubt that we will find thing with our names actually on them after our parents are gone (a long time from now, hopefully). And we will laugh through the tears.

*Have I mentioned that she took post-mortem, pre-cremation, behind the scenes at the mortuary and undoubtedly without authorization (or taste) pictures of our mother's body? No? On the first Mother's Day after Mom's death she texted one of those photos to another sister. Yes, she did, she really did. Special place in hell for that dick move.

I AM SPEECHLESS.  THIS IS AWFUL.

[Dicey]

My parents had updated wills and trusts and paid good money for these documents. Alas, they are so vaguely written that shit like this has happened, PLUS there will be a load of taxes due because the documents are too non-specific. There's a lesson or twenty in all of this.

My mom made this same mistake. Shortly before she passed, she dumped about $900 into having her will redrawn. The lawyer who did the work was a fuck up who ended up CREATING loose ends and causing the executor (me) needless headaches and legal expenses to get things straightened out. I have a suspicion that she did it because she wanted to "protect" my younger half sister, who is a dysfunctional  mess and a monument to entitlement delusions. Mom wanted to include a clause that I, as the older brother, responsible adult and executor, would assume the position of chief enabler, and continue to coddle and support a grown woman who desperately needed a nuclear grade kick in the ass. I'm pretty sure that the document was such a poorly written piece of garbage due to the fact that other competent estate attorneys told her that they could not, and would not, include such a ridiculous and unenforceable clause.
in the end, much to most of the player's collective surprise, the sister's share was accepted by a trust designed to protect the inheritable assets of disabled adults. Personally, I thought it was an embarrassing misuse of the trust's intent and mission, but OTOH, it eliminated a big problem of how to move on and disengage from her never ending drama and bullshit.
So yea, I know how it feels to discover that a clown of a lawyer, who drafts a screwed up will, isn't much better than no will at all.

Huh. My other sister was here this weekend. She reminded me that the reason my parents were so insistent on updating their wills and trust was that they had decided to reinstate my deadbeat sister, who had been showing signs of improvement. So they put her back into the will at a significant cost. She then reverted to her old ways and stole over $11k from them in addition to their ongoing life support for her before they died. She also helped herself to Mom's address book, which contained everyone's SSN'S. I'll be watching for that shoe to drop for the rest of my life.

We will be receiving another installment this week, bringing the total $ dispersed to $16k. Deadbeat sister has blown through the first $8k, so it's pretty likely that she'll do the same with the new check. Sad that what could have been a boost is just vapid squandering of my parent's hard earned money.

[gimp]

in the end, much to most of the player's collective surprise, the sister's share was accepted by a trust designed to protect the inheritable assets of disabled adults. Personally, I thought it was an embarrassing misuse of the trust's intent and mission, but OTOH, it eliminated a big problem of how to move on and disengage from her never ending drama and bullshit.

That's amazing. "You suck at money so much that we're treating you as disabled. Here's your monthly dole."

[TheGrimSqueaker]

in the end, much to most of the player's collective surprise, the sister's share was accepted by a trust designed to protect the inheritable assets of disabled adults. Personally, I thought it was an embarrassing misuse of the trust's intent and mission, but OTOH, it eliminated a big problem of how to move on and disengage from her never ending drama and bullshit.

That's amazing. "You suck at money so much that we're treating you as disabled. Here's your monthly dole."

There's always been such a thing as "spendthrift" trusts which are indeed released in occasional chunks.

A few years ago I met a guy whose trust company paid for his apartment and utilities directly and gave him a stipend for food and other expenses... of course he was that much of a goof-up so I think whoever set up the trust got it right.

[paddedhat]

in the end, much to most of the player's collective surprise, the sister's share was accepted by a trust designed to protect the inheritable assets of disabled adults. Personally, I thought it was an embarrassing misuse of the trust's intent and mission, but OTOH, it eliminated a big problem of how to move on and disengage from her never ending drama and bullshit.

That's amazing. "You suck at money so much that we're treating you as disabled. Here's your monthly dole."

There's always been such a thing as "spendthrift" trusts which are indeed released in occasional chunks.

A few years ago I met a guy whose trust company paid for his apartment and utilities directly and gave him a stipend for food and other expenses... of course he was that much of a goof-up so I think whoever set up the trust got it right.

You guys make me smile.  Actually, the half sister is disabled in real life. She is an addict, frequent flier when it comes to DWI,DUI busts, and did time for vehicular manslaughter after she caused a head-on, driving the wrong way on the freeway, lead story on the morning news, explosive car crash. She scored a .36 BAC. AFTER losing quarts of blood at the scene and in the trauma center, and no the blood alcohol level is not a typo. She barely survived the carnage, and hobbles around with a cane, with a pelvis that was broken in too many places to count. My parents devoted decades to coddling and enabling her, which was in some ways the cause and the effect of her behavior. When mom died, despite being told directly that it wasn't going to happen, she attempted to sign me up as the next in line to support her daughter's bullshit. The managed trust is understandable, and not uncommon. My issue is that this specific trust is a neat tool for cases like when an elderly parent is looking to protect a special needs child, and gives them the ability to inherit significant sums without fear of the feds. or state claiming the funds as restitution for services rendered in the past. My shitbag sister doesn't deserve such a free pass.

The "spendthrift trusts" you speak of are actually very simple to create and common, as long as you can find a willing administrator, who takes a set percentage fee every year to do the work. As a backup plan, since my estate lawyer found it unlikely that the special needs trust was going to take my sister's case, I was prepared to go before the probate judge to solve the matter. This is usually a quick case of explaining the situation to the judge, who then "recruits" an attorney (maybe some poor young, newly minted lawyer, who was unlucky enough to be standing in the back of the courtroom,LOL), and assigns then the case. If the client is low maintenance, it's an easy, profitable gig. If not, you're screwed.

[Sibley]

It's amazing. I have had the unfortunate experience of watching a few older folks who spend their golden years wasting away in front of a TV, or computer, spewing propaganda from Fox news and the like. They then develop the delusion that they (being white,and the chosen ones) have "earned" everything they receive from the social welfare system, and more.  They are also convinced that, as special snowflakes, they are in fact NOT getting a dime from any socialist program, only having their hard earned contributions returned to them. This coupled with the fact that they are entitled to keeping all of their assets, until such time as they transfer to the children, since the "government only wants to steal it".  Naturally, all this is accompanied by the less than subtle racist undertones that "others" don't deserve the same benefits, since you know......................

The cognitive dissonance is amazing, they use roads and infrastructure paid by the state, healthcare, social care and every facet of their life involves state expenditure.  Its worse in the UK with the elderly not realising a hospital bed costs £300 a night,  that one week stay with sepsis wiped out probably a year of tax they paid in one go.  Hip replacement £7,000...  it goes on and on.  Then they likewise get racist and blame immigrants for the NHS's struggles, especially with brexit, not realising young immigrants are one of the main reason the UK's health service is still standing despite the greying of the country.

How do you combat this? My mom has suddenly (at least that her DD's knew of) turned into the worst example of US Conservative there is. Racist, prejudiced, intolerant, etc. If you don't discuss politics or current events, you'd never know.

[mtn]

It's amazing. I have had the unfortunate experience of watching a few older folks who spend their golden years wasting away in front of a TV, or computer, spewing propaganda from Fox news and the like. They then develop the delusion that they (being white,and the chosen ones) have "earned" everything they receive from the social welfare system, and more.  They are also convinced that, as special snowflakes, they are in fact NOT getting a dime from any socialist program, only having their hard earned contributions returned to them. This coupled with the fact that they are entitled to keeping all of their assets, until such time as they transfer to the children, since the "government only wants to steal it".  Naturally, all this is accompanied by the less than subtle racist undertones that "others" don't deserve the same benefits, since you know......................

The cognitive dissonance is amazing, they use roads and infrastructure paid by the state, healthcare, social care and every facet of their life involves state expenditure.  Its worse in the UK with the elderly not realising a hospital bed costs £300 a night,  that one week stay with sepsis wiped out probably a year of tax they paid in one go.  Hip replacement £7,000...  it goes on and on.  Then they likewise get racist and blame immigrants for the NHS's struggles, especially with brexit, not realising young immigrants are one of the main reason the UK's health service is still standing despite the greying of the country.

How do you combat this? My mom has suddenly (at least that her DD's knew of) turned into the worst example of US Conservative there is. Racist, prejudiced, intolerant, etc. If you don't discuss politics or current events, you'd never know.

My MIL is somewhat similar. Been a democrat most of her life. Feminist even. Hated Hillary. Thinks its insane to allow refugees in. Agrees with Trumps "not a Muslim" ban.  It baffles me.

Thankfully she did not vote Trump at least.