Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 1213327 times)

charis

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3000 on: August 15, 2022, 11:23:54 AM »
Maybe not exactly drama, but my 9 year-old informed me the other day that he'll be inheriting his grandparents' house.  How am I supposed to threaten him with living in a van down by the river if he knows he already knows he has a has a house??


In all seriousness, I did caution him that a lot of things could happen between now.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Also, just because grandparents have said it, it doesn't mean anything unless your 9-year-old has seen their will, which is what I would tell my kiddo if she said something so presumptuous. :D

Also, I'd tell my kid that means she has to be REALLY NICE to her grandparents from now on to make sure she doesn't get taken out of their will. LOL!

This is pretty much what I told him.  My husband wasn't at all surprised when I told him what the kid said, so I think there's probably something to it. Who knows what the situation will look like next month or next year.  I can't remember if I've mentioned my BIL on the anti-mustacian hall-of-fame thread about relatives, but it's a doozy.  I've always placed the odds of him sucking them dry at greater than zero.  At which point, my husband and I will be taking care of them because they live next door.

Um, what?  I have so many questions.

Honestly, I don't know if that means that the house that they live in is supposed to go to my husband and then to my son.  Or if it's supposed to go directly to my son.  I'll worry about it when, god forbid, something actually happens to them.  The will and/or executor has been changed several times in the last few years.  I'm not playing that game and I wish they wouldn't do that to my kid.  And like I said, there's still the matter of my BIL, who needs more economic outpatient care than we do.
He wasn't surprised? How has your husband not discussed with you a situation where your kid might directly inherit a house, but your young son seems to be in the loop? This seems like something you should at least know and have at least a vague plan for in case it happens.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3001 on: August 15, 2022, 11:29:44 AM »
Maybe not exactly drama, but my 9 year-old informed me the other day that he'll be inheriting his grandparents' house.  How am I supposed to threaten him with living in a van down by the river if he knows he already knows he has a has a house??


In all seriousness, I did caution him that a lot of things could happen between now.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Also, just because grandparents have said it, it doesn't mean anything unless your 9-year-old has seen their will, which is what I would tell my kiddo if she said something so presumptuous. :D

Also, I'd tell my kid that means she has to be REALLY NICE to her grandparents from now on to make sure she doesn't get taken out of their will. LOL!

I think you were joking on that last bit.   

But for those who didn't catch that, here's my take on that suggestion, were it offered in all seriousness.

That's a HORRIBLE thing to teach a child!   What an awesome way to teach a kid to be suck-up lying shitweasel waiting for someone to die to get an inheritance.   Read a novel or watch a documentary on how warped people get when they're focused on an inheritance.   It's sickening.

How about teaching them that their friendship and their kindness is NOT FOR SALE.    Teach them their kindness is given to everyoneone until proven unworthy of it and their friendship is only given to those worthy of it.   Make sure they know a polite but firm way to express this if said wealthy person tries to manipulate them with "the will".

And teach them that if they want a fortune, it's up to them to go out and earn it, save it, and invest it.  Plan their future as the result of their own actions, not someone's death.   

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3002 on: August 15, 2022, 11:40:12 AM »
Maybe not exactly drama, but my 9 year-old informed me the other day that he'll be inheriting his grandparents' house.  How am I supposed to threaten him with living in a van down by the river if he knows he already knows he has a has a house??


In all seriousness, I did caution him that a lot of things could happen between now.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Also, just because grandparents have said it, it doesn't mean anything unless your 9-year-old has seen their will, which is what I would tell my kiddo if she said something so presumptuous. :D

Also, I'd tell my kid that means she has to be REALLY NICE to her grandparents from now on to make sure she doesn't get taken out of their will. LOL!

This is pretty much what I told him.  My husband wasn't at all surprised when I told him what the kid said, so I think there's probably something to it. Who knows what the situation will look like next month or next year.  I can't remember if I've mentioned my BIL on the anti-mustacian hall-of-fame thread about relatives, but it's a doozy.  I've always placed the odds of him sucking them dry at greater than zero.  At which point, my husband and I will be taking care of them because they live next door.

Um, what?  I have so many questions.

Honestly, I don't know if that means that the house that they live in is supposed to go to my husband and then to my son.  Or if it's supposed to go directly to my son.  I'll worry about it when, god forbid, something actually happens to them.  The will and/or executor has been changed several times in the last few years.  I'm not playing that game and I wish they wouldn't do that to my kid.  And like I said, there's still the matter of my BIL, who needs more economic outpatient care than we do.
He wasn't surprised? How has your husband not discussed with you a situation where your kid might directly inherit a house, but your young son seems to be in the loop? This seems like something you should at least know and have at least a vague plan for in case it happens.

My FIL can't decide what he wants to do with his estate and is somewhat secretive about it to boot.  It's changed several times over the last few years and I told my husband awhile back that I'm not borrowing trouble about it anymore.  I do have some general  contingency plans for the most likely outcomes, but nothing concrete until it happens.  The only thing I've said about it is that if FIL follows through with the plan of leaving all the property to DH and all the cash to my BIL that we can't afford the property taxes and something will have to be sold. 

Given my BIL's situation, I'm not counting on DH or DS inheriting anything and make our own plans accordingly.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3003 on: August 15, 2022, 01:05:21 PM »
My FIL can't decide what he wants to do with his estate and is somewhat secretive about it to boot.  It's changed several times over the last few years and I told my husband awhile back that I'm not borrowing trouble about it anymore.  I do have some general  contingency plans for the most likely outcomes, but nothing concrete until it happens.  The only thing I've said about it is that if FIL follows through with the plan of leaving all the property to DH and all the cash to my BIL that we can't afford the property taxes and something will have to be sold. 

Given my BIL's situation, I'm not counting on DH or DS inheriting anything and make our own plans accordingly.

You might want to pass along that insight to your son. He doesn't necessarily know what's in the will (or even if there is one). People often change their wills. People's needs often change as well: Grandpa may decide to buy a condo in a senior community, and most people who do that sell the home they've got. Others do a reverse mortgage to provide end of life care, so after they die they no longer own the property. Between that and bailing out your brother-in-law, there might not be much to inherit.

Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3004 on: August 15, 2022, 01:40:33 PM »
My FIL can't decide what he wants to do with his estate and is somewhat secretive about it to boot.  It's changed several times over the last few years and I told my husband awhile back that I'm not borrowing trouble about it anymore.  I do have some general  contingency plans for the most likely outcomes, but nothing concrete until it happens.  The only thing I've said about it is that if FIL follows through with the plan of leaving all the property to DH and all the cash to my BIL that we can't afford the property taxes and something will have to be sold. 

Given my BIL's situation, I'm not counting on DH or DS inheriting anything and make our own plans accordingly.

You might want to pass along that insight to your son. He doesn't necessarily know what's in the will (or even if there is one). People often change their wills. People's needs often change as well: Grandpa may decide to buy a condo in a senior community, and most people who do that sell the home they've got. Others do a reverse mortgage to provide end of life care, so after they die they no longer own the property. Between that and bailing out your brother-in-law, there might not be much to inherit.

Which is why I warned him that a lot of things can happen between now and then.

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3005 on: August 17, 2022, 06:36:01 AM »
I just had a visit with my parents.  My sister is named as their executor.  They informed me that they are adding her name to some of their accounts (mostly their main checking and savings) and asked if I was okay with that.  My mom went on to explain that after her dad passed, she was so glad he had added her a few months before his death because it made it very easy to do things like pay his outstanding electric bill, property taxes, and other things that might be due ASAP, before the estate is settled enough to open access to those funds.  My mom is an only child and there were no other beneficiaries to anything so it was all going to her anyway. 

I told my parents I have zero problem with this, and that I have no concerns at all about my sister trying to use this to take money that isn't intended to be hers.  The intent is still a 50/50 split and I believe she knows that and if there is $20,000 in the accounts with her name on them, she will consider that as $20,000, minus whatever goes to estate expenses, of her half.  So if the rest of the estate is $1m, she would acknowledge that I'm entitled to $510k of it, even if on paper it may look like I should only get $500k.

If not, she's an asshole, and I'll still be just fine. 

It's nice to feel quite confident about how family will behave, and also not to have to fret over what happens if they hypothetically don't act honestly (other than the damage to the relationship and the disappointment in someone) because I'm fine financially either way.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3006 on: August 17, 2022, 06:46:51 AM »
@Villanelle Glad you're fine with it.  I'd think a better solution to address both potential issues would be to put your name on some accounts and hers on others.  I'm not tax-savy, but can she even give you the hypothetical $ that would not go through the estate or would that trigger gift tax etc issues if it's larger than anticipated?  For that matter, by putting her on all of the accounts does that already trigger any issues?

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3007 on: August 17, 2022, 07:00:33 AM »
My experience was that it took a couple of weeks to get the death certificate.  A few more days to get the document appointing me the executor and -- with copies of both -- I had all the access I needed.   

I'm suspect that contacting the utility company in the interim, if needed, would be sufficient.   Or just write the check, sign their name and print your own followed by "- Executor"  and I suspect it will go thru regardless.  Nobody is going to give you a hassle for doing that.

Zamboni

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3008 on: August 17, 2022, 08:05:53 AM »
Maybe not exactly drama, but my 9 year-old informed me the other day that he'll be inheriting his grandparents' house.  How am I supposed to threaten him with living in a van down by the river if he knows he already knows he has a has a house??


In all seriousness, I did caution him that a lot of things could happen between now.

My Mom also told my daughter this same thing that she was going to will daughter her house to live in recently . . . thankfully I was sitting right there at the time. She has certainly said that verbatim to me previously, and also separately to my brother, and I happen to know that she has also said the same to one of my adult nephews, which I told my daughter about when we got back in our car. Basically, yes she owns a little house, but otherwise Granny is poor and has always been full of $hit about what she is going to do, so my daughter is best to just smile and nod at her but not believe what she says. I explained that her ideas about her house is because she is old and batty (which is only partly true . . . she's always been manipulative like that, but it's easier to blame her dementia to my daughter.) So, my daughter doesn't take what Granny says very seriously, and thankfully my daughter is also much more diplomatic and level headed than I have ever been, so I'm not that worried about any sort of disappointment or scrap later either way.

My Mom has 12 Grandchildren, btw, 10 of whom live very near to her home. No reason to be telling this person and then that one that she will give them her house to live in . . . unless she thinks 16 people are going to merrily move into her tiny home when she dies.

Siebrie

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3009 on: August 18, 2022, 01:44:06 AM »
@Villanelle If your sister's name is on the account, what happens if she were to die or become unfit to deal with financial matters before your parents? Would they 'inherit' their own money? Would it go to her partner or children?

Villanelle

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3010 on: August 18, 2022, 08:07:59 AM »
@Villanelle If your sister's name is on the account, what happens if she were to die or become unfit to deal with financial matters before your parents? Would they 'inherit' their own money? Would it go to her partner or children?

It seems like the same would happen, but in reverse.  If parents die, the account goes to her.  If she dies, it would go [back to] to them. 

And again, since this is a relatively insignificant portion of the total inheritance so if it goes awry somehow, it isn't especially meaningful. 

TomTX

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3011 on: August 21, 2022, 08:48:27 PM »
@Villanelle If your sister's name is on the account, what happens if she were to die or become unfit to deal with financial matters before your parents? Would they 'inherit' their own money? Would it go to her partner or children?

It seems like the same would happen, but in reverse.  If parents die, the account goes to her.  If she dies, it would go [back to] to them. 

And again, since this is a relatively insignificant portion of the total inheritance so if it goes awry somehow, it isn't especially meaningful.

I'm the executor for my parents, and I'm on one of their bank accounts to more easily handle immediate costs. It's somewhere around 2% of their NW.

Just about every other account has payable-on-death beneficiaries, divided up roughly equally among all the kids. There will be some evening out to do and distribution of items - but really, there simply won't be any big chunks of money to fight over now that they sold the house. The vast majority will bypass the estate.

Goldielocks

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3012 on: August 28, 2022, 04:33:21 PM »
Something to discuss with a lawyer, if you haven't already, is either specifically mentioning that BadFamilyMember gets nothing (or leaving them one specific and relatively inexpensive item or amount), and/or including a clause that anyone who sues over the will receives nothing.  The former can be helpful in making intentions clear if it is a close family member, and the latter can disincentivize the greedy lawsuits.

Under the rules we have here in BC (Canada), as long as someone like that is not considered a dependent, it is better not to mention them at all in the will. As soon as someone's name is written in the will, they have the right to see the text and challenge it. If the state does not consider them to be a "usual" dependent, it would be much harder for them to challenge your will if they don't appear in it.

Obviously, rules are different in different places.
Yes... but... Don't most wills with assets need to be probated, and once probated become public record, so vast majority of people will be able to request a copy of the will anyway, even if unrelated?

Some estates have small assets and no real estate and can bypass probate...but anything with significant money usually can't be kept fully private...

(or maybe I am misinformed about BC?)

Mighty Eyebrows

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #3013 on: August 28, 2022, 06:38:50 PM »
Under the rules we have here in BC (Canada), as long as someone like that is not considered a dependent, it is better not to mention them at all in the will. As soon as someone's name is written in the will, they have the right to see the text and challenge it. If the state does not consider them to be a "usual" dependent, it would be much harder for them to challenge your will if they don't appear in it.

Obviously, rules are different in different places.
Yes... but... Don't most wills with assets need to be probated, and once probated become public record, so vast majority of people will be able to request a copy of the will anyway, even if unrelated?

I think you are right about probate eventually making the proceedings public, but it takes doing a specific search (for a fee). What I meant is that putting someone's name in the will gives them much greater legal standing to challenge the estate in court. Nothing can prevent an asshole from suing you for any old reason, but you can sure make it harder for them.

BC Court search here:
https://justice.gov.bc.ca/cso/esearch/civil/deceasedSearch.do