Boy I must be clueless. I thought alimony no longer existed. (Maybe it's different in each state?) I thought (unless you have kids for child support) that once the couple splits the money, that's it. I'm a woman but I think alimony sounds weird to me. Why should I expect someone to support me? It's my fault if I don't have job skills. Honestly, with a 50% divorce rate, no one should put themselves in a position of depending on their partner financially. That is really being clueless, or living in the 1950's. I have always told girl friends "don't have kids until you are financially able to raise them on your own if you have to."
Yes, alimony varies by state.
In my state, alimony is tied to marriage length and only extended beyond that in certain situations where there is a reason the other party can't easily work (e.g. asking a 60 yo person to go find a job, who last had a paid one at age 22 and has since been at home raising kids/taking care of house/family for 40 years? going to be tough.)
Here is an interesting legal article summing up the history of alimony:
http://www.americanbar.org/publications/gpsolo_ereport/2012/april_2012/current_trends_alimony_law.html>Why should I expect someone to support me?
For me, it comes down to what the parties agreed ex ante, before they were thinking divorce. If the parties together agreed that one party should stay home, then it seems quite unfair and unreasonable to change this agreement 20 years later because you're getting a divorce. (I'm not saying it should be permanent! Just that yes it seems reasonable to compensate/support the one who gave up 20 years of working experience and career for a time).
My parents are happily married for 42 years, with my mom a stay at home mom because my dad's career as a military officer and moving every 2-3 years made it hard for her to continue what she had been doing (teaching). She faced different licensure standards in each state, some of which were pretty stringent (e.g. wouldn't accept her masters degree and would require her to complete another masters). She wouldn't be able to build up tenure, if she could even get a job each time. Some, my parents worried about tax implications of whether the state (ok, just CA) would try to go for dad's retirement salary if she worked. In this case...her difficulty with building a career was directly due to supporting my dad in his career. If they divorced (ahhhH! I can feel evil rays coming from them for even suggesting the possibility! AHHHH! yeah, they're that disgusting couple more in love after 42 years than at the beginning that is hard to live up to), it would not be right for my dad not to support my mom. It's not like if she got a job now for a few years, it could begin to make up/catch up for the years not being in the workplace. People support their spouses in many ways, from cooking/cleaning/taking care of the kids so the other partner can stay late or travel, to financial support while one is in say, med school, to agreeing to be uprooted and move.
Divorce is tough no doubt. But I don't think entirely ending things like alimony is the right solution either. It's very fact dependent, and as they say - there's her story, his story and the truth. People are biased to think their circumstances are special and unique. The truth is no one wins in a divorce.
