I didn't read all 5 pages of this thread yet, but let me speak from the the following vantage points:
- a close relative went through IVF and had twins in her 50s. She's married but sole breadwinner, was very tired, but things seem to be settling down.
- my best friend went the sperm bank route at age 42. She is now considering having another at age 48.
- I had children at ages 33, 39, and 43. Energy is definitely lower, but we're a lot better off than when we had our first child.
Some questions/thoughts:
- How big and supportive is your extended family? My single mom friend is well off and has a good job, but she has a very small family, and basically she is leaning on her single older brother as a backup. However, she is determined to have another child, mostly for the sake of her first child. She doesn't want him to be alone in the world when she passes.
- On the subject of extended family, a possible minus to not raising a child with a partner is less extended family... fewer cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents to play with or spoil your child. Cousins often play important roles with an only child. If your network is not big, you need to start building up a group of friends as additional mentors and supports for your child.
- On the other hand, my single mom friend (who is divorced but her ex has no relation to her child) clearly relishes not having to deal with in-laws of any sort.
- An advantage you have in being an older single father, is that childbirth will not wreak havoc on your older body.
- You may not get the kind of kid you thought you would get. And children become adults soon enough. You may be nodding now and thinking "I know that", but you really don't know until you live it! Could you do well with living with a young adult who doesn't share your interests or think the way you do-- in fact, seems to go out of his way to be the opposite of you?
- On a more positive note, whatever you do, you're probably not going to regret raising a child. Few people seem to do so. And most people don't consider all this stuff before they become parents, and yet they do, so you'll be ahead of the game.