Author Topic: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?  (Read 15563 times)

cloudsail

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How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« on: April 08, 2019, 10:25:15 PM »
There's a topic in general discussion about family and friends embracing your finance views. It reminded me of a little nagging doubt that I've always had in the back of my mind, ever since we set a FIRE date. Because while everyday spending isn't much of an issue for us, the greater goal of FIRE is a different matter.

Here's what I wrote in the other topic:
My parents think it's awesome. DH's family, on the other hand.... well we haven't formally talked about our goals with them, but knowing them and from just random stuff that they've said, if my husband does quit his job a few years from now I'm not sure how supportive they would be. I also worry a little about how it might change our relationship with some of our closest friends, as I know for a fact that none of them are as financially secure.

So my question for the post FIRE folks. How did your family and friends react? I know that we all have different familial relationships and many people simply won't care what anyone thinks. But DH is very close to his family. We also have some friends that we've known for many years and form the basis of our social network.

kei te pai

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2019, 01:21:28 AM »
Family absolutely fine, totally accepting and supportive.
Friends, well some are fine.  There are one or two that I had met through work, and a lot of the time together seemed to consist of complaining about work, now Im not doing that they have distanced themselves.
A friend who I have known since childhood is I think quite unhappy/jealous but trying not to be, or trying not to show it.  She hates her job. She and her husband have always had a fairly spendy approach and I think they assumed they were a lot wealthier than me, based on the our respective lifestyles.
I inherited a moderate sum when my last parent died, but actually had decent savings already, so it just hastened retirement a bit.
Nothing specific has been said, but there just seems to be a reluctance to visit or spent time together and I am not sure how to handle it.

former player

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2019, 02:29:20 AM »
Everyone was very happy for me.

My mother was also very happy for herself because it meant I had a lot more time to help her in her final years.

HipGnosis

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2019, 08:00:59 AM »
The people that know me well were worried for me at first.  That's because I retired a cpl years earlier than I had planned (which still would have been 'early') because the the Co I worked at (and loved my job) was bought by a HUGE, stereotypically impersonal corporation.  They told me I wasn't qualified for the job I'd been doing for 10 yrs (my degree isn't in my field of work).   They shaved off my job duties to 'their people' over 2 yrs and then laid me off.  I knew that was coming, they laid off about 15 people after they bought us, but I didn't know when it would happen to me.
I looked for another job, starting before the lay off.  After about 8 months, I gave up (and started looking into side gigs).
My older brother retired (near normal age) a year later.  He doesn't understand how I'm doing so well, since I bought a (used) car and (used) motorcycle AFTER retiring.  They are part of my retirement plan and very well may be my last vehicles (though I'm kinda looking for an electric scooter to run errands, since that's what most of my trips are these days).

LifePhaseTwo

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2019, 06:23:59 PM »
Family was super happy - DH and I became way more available for helping care for our grandkids, which we love doing. Some of my friends were happy, a few were jealous, and a few were confused - they didnít understand how I could live without a paycheck until I can collect my pension.

spartana

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2019, 06:30:36 PM »
Family was worried. I was 42, newly divorced ( and taking on expenses alone), and more ERE level of assets (and expenses). I reassured them it was just a 5 year sabbattical and then I'd go back to work. Then never did ;-). I eventually lied and said I was doing some p/t seasonal work but I don't think they bought it.

happy

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2019, 06:34:48 PM »
I retired at 60, so not so young. Both my parents are dead, so no judgement from them. My kids were very supportive from the word go...after working for 35years plus ( and raising them myself)  they think I should kick back, enjoy life and get to do what I want. My siblings were a bit bemused, but now accepting, and my brother is starting to talk about retiring too - he's younger than I.  Other folk are generally surprised, and a bit confused and then more or less OK about it. A few have been immediately happy for me and congratulated me. Nearly everyone else has a suggestion for MORE paid work I could do. No-one has been outright negative. I suspect that responses are due to my age.

Cassie

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2019, 08:14:57 PM »
Age does have the benefits of not being questioned so much about retirement:))

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #8 on: April 10, 2019, 03:09:45 AM »
I was 50 so while young not overly these days. I also announce it more as were going to take a break and see how things go and now that I am almost 55 its even more acceptable for lack of better term. But i had people that would say how awesome! and then some you could tell they were wondering how, why what have you but never had anyone say anything negative and more happy for us than anything. I think your demeanor/confidence and not over selling it all goes along ways. Making it sound more simple.  Just a thing.

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2019, 10:34:57 AM »
People are happy for me but only one is trying to replicate my success.

JoJo

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2019, 12:33:36 PM »
My parents were initially not wanting me to not be working, but as they hear me complaining about my job they're warming up to it.  I hinted how much I had saved up so they know they won't need to support me.

cloudsail

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2019, 04:13:26 PM »
I got mysteriously banned from the forum for the past week and my responses to this thread seem to have also gotten eaten up as well.

The response about unsaid jealousy is exactly what I worry about. We are pretty low key and I think most friends know us as, if not particularly frugal, at least not spendy. Some friends know that we have rental properties but that's about it. It may come as a shock to some when we stop working altogether. And I've been privy to financial difficulties that various friends have had, that could probably have been avoided with prudent saving and investing. I never offer unsolicited financial advice, so no one is actually aware of our ultimate goal of early retirement. I know no one will be openly negative, but what is unsaid could have a serious impact on old friendships.

With regards to family, it's the other way around. I worry that DH's side will be too vocal with their disapproval, and that it will make DH doubt our plan (he's not good with the financial stuff and basically trusts me to work out the numbers).

Ozlady

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2019, 09:44:19 PM »
We have always been low key and portray a humble , frugal type of existence...recently a couple whom we have known for a while (but would not say we are close close) caught on that we are going to retire soon...and well too! thanks for asking...

They are the type , i wouldn't say is spendy but would say pretty status conscious...as in they would subtly drop hints on how much they paid for their beautiful house...but i know for a fact it came with a huge mortgage as wife has been telling me how stress their marriage has recently become behind that facade...the husband is the same age as my hubby...

So it came as no surprise that the couple has recently started to avoid us .. in group conversations, it can become quite awkward....as the hubby's words come across as shallow and he knows we know::((


MasterStache

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #13 on: April 15, 2019, 07:35:29 AM »
My father is a gambling addict and my mother is a shopping addict. Both horrible with money. Both of my brothers are deeply in dept. None of them really understand and when I try to explain finances and early retirement to them their eyes just kind of glaze over. I might as well be speaking gibberish. 

Malkynn

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #14 on: April 15, 2019, 08:12:55 AM »
I got mysteriously banned from the forum for the past week and my responses to this thread seem to have also gotten eaten up as well.

The response about unsaid jealousy is exactly what I worry about. We are pretty low key and I think most friends know us as, if not particularly frugal, at least not spendy. Some friends know that we have rental properties but that's about it. It may come as a shock to some when we stop working altogether. And I've been privy to financial difficulties that various friends have had, that could probably have been avoided with prudent saving and investing. I never offer unsolicited financial advice, so no one is actually aware of our ultimate goal of early retirement. I know no one will be openly negative, but what is unsaid could have a serious impact on old friendships.

With regards to family, it's the other way around. I worry that DH's side will be too vocal with their disapproval, and that it will make DH doubt our plan (he's not good with the financial stuff and basically trusts me to work out the numbers).

I have a pretty simple strategy for dealing with unsaid jealousy: I simply avoid emotionally engaging with anyone who isn't enthusiastically supportive of my happiness and success.

Sure, I have plenty of passive aggressive people in my world, but I either avoid them as much as possible or just don't take them seriously as adults. I wouldn't take the moody bullshit of a teenager seriously, so why take the moody bullshit of a poorly matured adult seriously?

If someone can't handle someone else's happiness or "success" (whatever "success" even means), then that's on them and not me, so I'm not the one who needs to modulate my behaviour. If they're uncomfortable, it's on them to grow up or deal with their own discomfort.

Until they do, I just won't allot much energy towards concerning myself with their responses because they simply aren't important.

As for your DH, just because he doesn't understand the numbers doesn't mean he can't be just as involved and invested in the financial decisions.

Numbers are just placeholders for time and energy. Entire, detailed strategic conversations can be had about planning your financial life without ever mentioning numbers. I find it actually helps in making sure that DH and I are both actually really on the same page in terms of priorities.

We recently made a real estate purchase where we had a tough decision between options and our entire conversation about it never mentioned dollars. It was all about time and energy now vs later and lifestyle impact.

We ended up making the most financially sound decision *for us* based not on what the numbers and returns would be, but what those numbers represent.

That's how I talk about my personal finances with everyone, in terms of the real life impacts and trade offs. I don't talk about money, I talk about what role money plays for me.

If someone gets jealous that I've carefully considered my options and made deliberate plans to optimize my life according to my very personal values, then as I said above, they aren't worth investing any emotional energy.
They're just noise among all of the other noise out there.

SwordGuy

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2019, 10:01:14 AM »
Sure, I have plenty of passive aggressive people in my world, but I either avoid them as much as possible or just don't take them seriously as adults. I wouldn't take the moody bullshit of a teenager seriously, so why take the moody bullshit of a poorly matured adult seriously?

@Malkynn , words to live by!

Buffaloski Boris

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #16 on: April 15, 2019, 10:15:19 AM »
This will be an interesting question to find out the answer to as I just set the date last week. So far the few friends Iíve discussed with have been pretty supportive. DW was the one I worried about; she seems to be OK with it.


Acastus

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #17 on: April 26, 2019, 10:37:07 AM »
Sister - What?! You are too young to retire. Plus I am wicked jealous. I am sick of working, too.

Friends - Well, Oookaay. Are you sure you really have enough money? What about kid's college? What about healthcare? What if something bad happens. We have no interest in retiring yet. We like our jobs.

Me - I used to like my job, but a few years ago, it became a real grind. I would love to have job I love. But I really need some time to figure out what that is now. Not 50 hours a week, for sure.


dude

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #18 on: April 26, 2019, 12:01:12 PM »
Pretty much everybody I know is psyched for me. Universally when I tell them I'm retiring at 53, they say, "That's so awesome!"  My wife has her trepidations because she knows I have a strong wanderlust streak and she's concerned I'll be taking off to explore the corners of the globe while she's still working for the next 5-7 years, but I think she's finally come to terms with it. I will do my best not to be taking off all the time, but have made it clear that I do need time to do my thing now while I'm still (relatively) young and fit, and frankly, I think time away makes me appreciate time together.

DaMa

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2019, 01:59:11 PM »
I can't think of any negative responses (except my dad, and that's a long story).  I've never lived spendypants and have been actively downsizing and living small for the past 10 years.  Generally I say, "I should be ok as long as I'm careful."  I say that I can live easily on $1,000 per month, not including healthcare.  That always turns the talk to monthly expenses and how I live small.  And that usually leads to the "I can't live without my cable, iPhone, big SUV, etc..." part of the conversation.

MikeO

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2019, 03:21:16 PM »
I have a small friend/family circle, while I don't advertise my balances I think everyone knows that we are trying to be financially independent within 5 -10 years.  I've told many people that we "invest an obscene amount of money each year" to meet this goal.  Some are interested in learning more about investing and cutting spending, but a greater amount don't care.  My family is proud of my success in life and our goals.

I have a friend who is about 10 years older than me who retired in his 40's.  he had over 20 rental properties.   For years we hung out offroading in jeeps together, then he bought an RV with his wife and they traveled across the country.  They still do it now but not as much.    I'd say that I'm jealous of his ability to do this, but instead of being upset about it, I used his success to drive me to start saving "obscene amounts" of money and cutting spending in order to meet my own goals. 

For me, if someone was negative or upset about our success, then I just won't deal with them.  Even if it was family.  This is my personality though, I'm sort of a loaner.  I keep my circle of friends small, I don't have the energy for negative people. I realize not everyone can do this.  but my advice would always be to never let negative people affect you, life is too short and there are too many good people out there to be around.

Bloop Bloop

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #21 on: May 08, 2019, 01:53:36 AM »
After a lot of talking, I've managed to convince my parents that RE is a good idea; they're now on board. My partner's parents are also on board, which means a lot to me.

I don't think I've ever encountered any jealousy or hostility to my FIRE plans. It helps that most of my friends and family are financially successful themselves, which limits the scope for envy. It also helps that any negative people in my life (not critical or questioning, but flat out negative in a personal sense) I quickly cast aside. I got no time for personal negativity. I want positive and pro-active people in my life.

My partner's parents are fairly low income, but self-sufficient, and I'm grateful that they have no issues with my version of "fatFIRE", and are pretty quietly supportive - part of that is due to my partner who is great. She does not actually want to RE - she wants to keep working in her career - and I said that's fine. Whatever money she earns beyond my FIRE date is for her to spend on whatever she likes, I don't care.

TheWryLady

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #22 on: May 12, 2019, 10:34:21 AM »
One comment recently was accusatory. "All the people like you on ACA are making Medicare cost more."   Mental note:  Do not mention that we paid zero taxes this year.

We also got comments before retiring...

"People with money never want to let go of it."  When we balked at loaning a financially irresponsible relative more money.  Answer...Did you ever think that is why they have money? 

"You are always trying to get deals on everything."  From my boss, when I mentioned my long to short haircut was free when I donated the hair to Locks of Love.  Answer...Every little bit counts.

Financial.Velociraptor

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #23 on: May 12, 2019, 11:39:20 AM »
... Mental note:  Do not mention that we paid zero taxes this year.
...

My average tax rate since RE has been about 3% NEGATIVE.  Good old ACA subsidies!  Paying taxes for a lifetime is a lifestyle choice in the United States.  Not everyone appreciates the evidence though.

bacchi

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #24 on: May 12, 2019, 03:48:34 PM »
SO's mom is recently retired at 65 and enjoying it a lot. I think she's a bit envious that I ERed so young because she could've and would've done it too if she had known about it.

Missy B

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #25 on: August 15, 2019, 11:00:15 PM »
I haven't discussed my plans a lot with family, but expect they'll be mostly positive. A bunch of family retired early, all on DB pensions.I'm very reluctant to discuss things while they're in process, because telling people you're 5 years from retirement gets heard often as "I'm 90% there" instead of 50% there. And so you must have lots of money to do things!
It would be easy for me to lie and say I'm working part-time at my job, if my RE bothers people (and just as easy to do it for real, should I feel inclined to), and after reading these forums for so long I'd have no compunction doing so.
I might not even use the word 'retirement' either. Could always say that I've been building my investments for a long time, and I've finally got to the point where they cover basic living expenses, so now I'm writing full-time to see how I like it, or travelling to see family, or spending a few months doing important (volunteer) work that doesn't pay.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2019, 12:52:48 PM »
Because I'll retire into other work, I think people will assume I "made my money" or just had a career change.

However, I told a co-worker I planned to leave the gov't after just 20 years, and he said "but your annuity will be so small," to which I agreed and added that I won't be working here, which is like a payment in itself!

chevy1956

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #27 on: August 17, 2019, 05:40:40 PM »
It was all about time and energy now vs later and lifestyle impact.

We ended up making the most financially sound decision *for us* based not on what the numbers and returns would be, but what those numbers represent.

This is a good idea. Thanks.

ItsALongStory

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #28 on: August 18, 2019, 03:02:28 PM »
Our plan is to quit working in no more than 3 years (I'll be 41) and I am a bit anxious about my family's response. My parents are happy for us, but those are the only people that know at this stage.  I only care marginally about what my friends think because moving to a different continent upon retirement will probably mean that my social circle will change massively anyway. my wife has been retired for years so her social circle knows no different.

I have some personal hesitation since I will effectively be living off my wife's government pension she is good with that so I am willing to trust the market for 10-15 years (I will pull the plug with about half of my target stash) then that's all that really matters. It should be cool for my siblings as we will be much more readily available to help them out more frequently in the future if need be and will be much closer (2hr flight vs 14 hour trek) to where they are located.

I suppose time will tell, my next upcoming trip may include some conversation about our plans if the right moment comes up.

Linea_Norway

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #29 on: August 19, 2019, 07:01:15 AM »
So far I have told a few people about our plans. Father in low things it is a great idea. He and his wife also retired early themselves.
I told one of my elder co-workers who is around 60. I am wondering why he isn't quitting himself. But he actually tok another job at the same company, just to financially boost his final 2 working years before retirement. He thought it was a good idea for me to retire at 50. I didn't tell him I wanted to retire at 46. That will come as a surprise next year.
I also told 2 old friends back in my home country. One of them who is my age was really surprised by the concept of saving and retiring early. He thought it sounded very interesting and thought it was a good idea for us. Just unfortunately not possible for his situation, as he realized that his partner is bit of a spendypants. The other friend I told, was already retired at normal age. She sounded a slight little bit jealous, maybe because we can retire earlier than she did, but she said it would very very well with our personalities (being outdoor people with lots of hobbies).

DH is a bit afraid of meeting a lot of resentment. Therefore our strategy will be to tell people that we take a year off (sabbatical). That is a concept people are familiar with and shouldn't be so hard to accept.

I have noticed that my BIL and law and his partner, as well as my brother's wife, have always been working part time. I have always wondered how they were able to afford that, while we always felt like we had to work fulltime (until a year ago). But now we see the results of those choices: working fulltime for 20 years can get you early retired. But I'm not sure I want to tell them that we are so rich we never need to work again.

TartanTallulah

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #30 on: August 22, 2019, 03:33:28 PM »
"But won't you get BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED?" is what I heard most often. I suppose I asked for it, because whenever anyone asked what I was going to do when I retired, I'd say, "Nothing. I'm going to do nothing. I've never had a chance to do nothing and I'm looking forward to it."

My mother, who was most begrudging despite having retired herself in her forties, got her ears blasted off for persistently implying that she believed me to be nothing apart from my job. When I mentioned some post-retirement freelance work she was like, "Oh, your new job, your new job, when do you start your new job, new job, new job, tell me about your new job, are you sure you'll earn enough in this new job, are you sure you won't have jumped from the frying pain into the fire? So, about this new job of yours, how many hours is it ... " and I was having to say, several times a week, "MUM, I'M NOT GETTING ANOTHER JOB, I'M RETIRED." And then the kids would be 'phoning and saying, "Granny tells me you've got a new job, Mum. What's that about? Why didn't you say anything to us?"

Most folk have just assumed I know what I'm doing and minded their own business. Colleagues said, "I couldn't afford to retire," and I'd say, "We can only afford for me to retire because we can live on almost nothing," while silently thinking, "You've earned at least as much as I have over your lifetime and I haven't made the smartest financial decisions along the way, so why can't you afford to retire?" But I know it's largely because we've become accustomed to living well below our income and they'd have a lot of psychological catching up to do.

My widowed FiL made me smile. He was never comfortable with the arrangement whereby I worked and my husband stayed at home. When told I was retiring and DH was going to continue to work for a while, he declared it to be only right that The Man should be out working and The Woman should be at home. He's happy to assume that my freelance work is just a bit of pocket money for me and his son is paying all the bills, and we don't see any harm in letting him believe what he wants to believe.

Rdy2Fire

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #31 on: August 23, 2019, 07:55:54 AM »
I have kind of avoided discussing it to some degree but it's new. I've said I am just taking til 2020 off for now and maybe that's true, I am not even sure myself but only two friends and my mother really know my financial situation and no one really needs to know so for me currently it's somewhat about avoidance

Much Fishing to Do

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #32 on: August 23, 2019, 02:27:30 PM »
Will FIRE in about a year (at age of 48) so I've just started letting it come up in conversation with those closest to me.  My parents frankly wish I'd do it today, as they are somewhat homebound and know it would mean more visits by me and the grandkids (coincidentally, my dad, now coming to terms with my mom not being quite all there anymore, has just been talking lately anyway about how quickly life passes you by and he wished he hadn't worked as much).  My sister just assumes I made a fortune from my previous business (I did do well, just probably not as well as she is thinking) and thinks its great as I'm the one in the family known for working themself to the bone in the past.  My best friend who I do discuss work and finances with, is jealous, but the good kind of jealous, he's trying to follow me as quickly as possible and thinks by maybe 52 he can check out as well.

There's frankly not a lot of other people I care much what they think, and I may not be astute enough to even realize when people I don't know well are being negative ;-) ...my wife still teases me for the time a couple of people were talking about a mom deciding not to return to work after their kids were in school and one said "that must be nice" and I followed "yeah, thats pretty awesome, I'm hoping my wife can do the same"...I didnt realize they were being negative as I really never understood the whole relishing in others failure thing if they aren't my direct competition....

« Last Edit: August 23, 2019, 02:30:02 PM by Much Fishing to Do »

Villanelle

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #33 on: August 23, 2019, 02:48:53 PM »
The only people to whom we've even half mentioned it are my parents.  They were always very fiscally conservative and I think may actually have positive cashflow even in their 70s.  (Dad has two very good pensions, military and county government, and they have a few other income streams as well. He also keeps going back to work when projects find him and throw money at him, though at the moment I think he's finally unemployed again.  For now.)  They were never savers and never had debt other than mortgage.  All that to say, they are basically early mustachians as far as saving and investing. 

They were thrilled to know we are financially secure and proud that we've made good choices.  They expressed skepticism when I said that when DH wraps up his military career in 4-10 years, we may well both stop working or might only work at part-time, flexible gigs.  I didn't feel like arguing the shockingly simple math with them, so I just said, "well, I guess we will see what things look like when we get there".  That was my approach in part because I just didn't care to have the debate, and also because I suspect they would worry if they thought this was truly our plan.  When we get to that point, I'd be happy to discuss the details of our finances and our plan with them to hopefully ease some of the worry.  But until then, it seems pointless to me to justify a decision that could end up not happening, and for which we don't have detailed numbers anyway.

So I guess they are supportive and proud of our frugality, but deeply entrenched in the idea that you would until more or less a typical retirement age, or close to it.  I'm guessing they'd probably feel 55 is safe/acceptable.  When we stop working before then, we can talk numbers and ease their minds. 

Linea_Norway

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #34 on: September 05, 2019, 02:54:43 AM »
I mentioned the half truth to my mother: "We are in 2020 taking a year off from work, for health/stress reasons. We are selling our home to free up money, will be renting for a year and then buy a cheaper home. Then we'll see what we do afterwards."

The only thing that isn't all true is that the "year" is just an excuse, it will actually be FIRE.

My mother said it was a good idea: life can be unexpectedly short, just look at your father (who died at 50), so enjoying some time off is a good plan.
I'm glad she is looking at it this way.

mbl

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #35 on: September 05, 2019, 05:12:48 AM »
I retired at 60, so not so young. Both my parents are dead, so no judgement from them. My kids were very supportive from the word go...after working for 35years plus ( and raising them myself)  they think I should kick back, enjoy life and get to do what I want. My siblings were a bit bemused, but now accepting, and my brother is starting to talk about retiring too - he's younger than I.  Other folk are generally surprised, and a bit confused and then more or less OK about it. A few have been immediately happy for me and congratulated me. Nearly everyone else has a suggestion for MORE paid work I could do. No-one has been outright negative. I suspect that responses are due to my age.

I hear you.  Retired/volunteered for layoff back in May at 60.
Both parents passed away within the last 2 years.
Kids are stoked as DH was laid off last year and just decided to retire.
Some of the engineers who are a bit older took notice when I left and
seem to be more motivated to retire now with seeing someone a little younger do it.

The job I had was really great(SW test engineer) but the China tariffs had caused the
owner to reduce the workforce.  I was told that I wasn't slated to be tapped but decided to volunteer.
It was fine as I was going to retire at the end of 2019 anyway.
I worked with great and skilled people and had a very good experience there.  It was just that I wanted to do
other things after 38 years in engineering.   I have been so very fortunate in the jobs I've had.  I always worked with good people, learned a lot, got to work overseas and travel a bit,  never felt stress from my work.....just a lot of blessings there.

The transition has been quite smooth.
I swim, ride my horse, do stuff on our acres with DH,  did jam and vegetables, visit family, hang out with friends who are self employed or have the summer off(teachers), headed to the shore for a week, just do things on my own schedule without any time pressure.  Of course it being summer there's always something to do outside.  Winter will be a bit different though.

I do the books at church and am volunteering in a kindergarten class at a city school.
Totally new horizon for me.   But, a new beginning and I'm encouraged by all the choices there are.

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #36 on: September 10, 2019, 07:31:14 AM »
I have yet to specifically mention RE to anyone other than DW, and at this point Iím still trying to convince her.  Anytime I even mention FI or retiring before 65 to any family, they give me a figurative pat on a back and a ďuh-huh, thatís nice, dear,Ē  and then tell me about their financial advisor.  Not overtly degrading or anything, just very much a not-anywhere-in-their-world concept.  The struggle is real.

Pretty much the reason I joined this forum is to get access to some fresh FIRE-air.

Enigma

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #37 on: October 21, 2019, 09:53:36 AM »
FIRE tomorrow...  A couple of weeks ago my mom warned me that I am going to get Fat and Lazy.  She just kind of blurted it out without thinking it thru.

EndlessJourney

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #38 on: October 21, 2019, 01:22:47 PM »
Ethnic parents here, from a "face" culture that values the respect of others.

They weren't thrilled when I quit a respectable job because they could no longer boast about their son's occupation:

"What does your kid do? My son is a doctor and drives a Porsche, he lives in a huge mansion up on the hill."
"My daughter's a lawyer and drives a Mercedes, she lives in a large penthouse condominium right downtown overlooking the city."

*cough* "My son doesn't have a job. He doesn't own a car. And he lives in a tent..."

I've brought much shame and embarrassment to the family.

Oh well.

Omy

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #39 on: October 22, 2019, 02:26:37 PM »
It's been mostly positive, but we get lots of requests from friends and family who need help running errands during work hours.

Linea_Norway

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #40 on: October 23, 2019, 01:11:43 AM »
It's been mostly positive, but we get lots of requests from friends and family who need help running errands during work hours.

In that case, don't let yourself be abused. Only say yes, if you indeed want to do it.

former player

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #41 on: October 23, 2019, 03:31:54 AM »
Ethnic parents here, from a "face" culture that values the respect of others.

They weren't thrilled when I quit a respectable job because they could no longer boast about their son's occupation:

"What does your kid do? My son is a doctor and drives a Porsche, he lives in a huge mansion up on the hill."
"My daughter's a lawyer and drives a Mercedes, she lives in a large penthouse condominium right downtown overlooking the city."

*cough* "My son doesn't have a job. He doesn't own a car. And he lives in a tent..."

I've brought much shame and embarrassment to the family.

Oh well.
I just want to congratulate you on breaking free of family expectation.  It's a hard thing to do (I never quite managed it) but the rewards must be amazing.

better late

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #42 on: October 23, 2019, 04:16:57 AM »
FIRE tomorrow...  A couple of weeks ago my mom warned me that I am going to get Fat and Lazy.  She just kind of blurted it out without thinking it thru.

Whoa...
Is she retired herself? Or was this jealousy sneaking out?  Some need to make you feel small at an exciting time for you....

Omy

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #43 on: October 23, 2019, 07:33:45 AM »
It's been mostly positive, but we get lots of requests from friends and family who need help running errands during work hours.

In that case, don't let yourself be abused. Only say yes, if you indeed want to do it.

Yes. This is a tough boundary to set because we have more time and like to be helpful. DH hasn't even told his family yet because he doesn't know if it will change their expectations.

SachaFiscal

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #44 on: October 27, 2019, 11:40:38 AM »
I ended up enrolling in some classes at a local community college partly to have something to do and grow my skills and knowledge but also to have an excuse not to be available to people anytime they need me.  I can always say I have homework on the weekend (usually I do have at least a little) or have class during the week. It's been great!  Also when people ask me what I do for work, I just say I'm not working right now but I'm in school.  So I don't have to say I'm retired and deal with all the questions about that.  I try to take enough classes to keep me busy without being overwhelmed.

2Birds1Stone

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #45 on: October 27, 2019, 03:43:41 PM »
We're easing in by "taking a year off work to travel". The response has been mostly positive from friends, family, etc. SO's father is a bit narrow minded and refuses to leave the country, so he's a bit worried. Then again, who cares.....

ItsALongStory

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #46 on: October 27, 2019, 04:02:14 PM »
Lots of interesting perspectives on here. I wonder if anyone has some stories or shifting reactions as you go through a few years of early retirement. A lot of initial reactions are that the numbers could never work or that it's irresponsible but after a number of years I can imagine that the nay sayer arguments start losing credibility.

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #47 on: October 27, 2019, 05:57:56 PM »
Lots of interesting perspectives on here. I wonder if anyone has some stories or shifting reactions as you go through a few years of early retirement.

I'd be interested in this myself as well.

7.5 years after leaving my job, reactions from my family have gone from anger and strong disapproval to quiet resignation. The topic doesn't get brought up directly, but there's always passive-aggressive jabs about how so-and-so's son just got a promotion at work, what kind of house/car they just bought, etc.

I just shrug it off, like everything else.

A lot of initial reactions are that the numbers could never work or that it's irresponsible but after a number of years I can imagine that the nay sayer arguments start losing credibility.

It's been my experience that most people are set in their ways and their opinions. Any evidence to the contrary will always be explained away somehow to continue justifying their world view.

"So you haven't had to work for almost eight years. Well this has been the longest bull market in the history of the stock market. No wonder"
"We'll just see what happens after the next economic downturn"
"Well if you want to live like a hobo, then yeah, you probably don't have to work"
"You've had quite the string of good luck to get you this far, but eventually luck runs out"

Nobody likes to eat crow if they don't have to.

ItsALongStory

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #48 on: October 28, 2019, 08:04:05 AM »
Very good points, fortunately my folks are understanding of the situation we're in and so are my brother and sister.

They understand time is not on our side so that we're looking at creative ways to gain back time.

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meatgrinder

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #49 on: October 29, 2019, 03:16:56 PM »
"whenever anyone asked what I was going to do when I retired, I'd say, "Nothing. I'm going to do nothing. I've never had a chance to do nothing and I'm looking forward to it."

Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.