Author Topic: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?  (Read 15557 times)

MissNancyPryor

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #50 on: October 29, 2019, 03:46:06 PM »
The reaction I have received varies.  I am generally truthful and there are people I have worked with for years who are happy for me and wish they were following me right out the door.  Some envy exists there but the relationships seem intact.  I think I inspired some people.   

On the other hand, this summer I played on a golf league and met up with a lady I used to know 30 years ago (former co-worker).  I told her I just recently retired.  She was stunned and loudly declared that I will run out of money.  She is 65 and still working.  She has zero knowledge of anything I have; I have not seen her in three decades.  I could have $20M stuffed in my mattress for all she knows.  But she decided I will run out of money and loudly declared it to everyone in earshot.  Rude.  I simply smiled sweetly and waived it away with a carefree giggle and said, "Nope, no chance of that." 

Jealously is powerful, and fear even more so.

My aging parents are scared for me, but that is how they have lived their lives--driven by fear.  I am not going to live that way and do not ask for their input.  They will never hear a negative word from me about how I spend my days but instead it will be joy and peace.  I will never give them ammunition for some misplaced "I told you so."  There will never be a need for such declaration.   

My adult daughters are thrilled for me.  They matter the most and I will truly enjoy being available any time they need me and to enjoy future grand babies and all that good stuff without stupid work getting in the way.

For the rude ones I considered making up some sort of lie that I can tell but it is just not in me to do that.  I am not responsible for others' reactions and I refuse to manage their emotions.  If they have a problem with my happiness then they are the defective ones and I will not be a co-dependent liar to soften the perceived blow to their egos.  I am harming no one by seeking a work-free life and don't have time for petty jealousy.       

 

2sk22

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #51 on: October 30, 2019, 06:21:24 AM »
Ethnic parents here, from a "face" culture that values the respect of others.

They weren't thrilled when I quit a respectable job because they could no longer boast about their son's occupation:

"What does your kid do? My son is a doctor and drives a Porsche, he lives in a huge mansion up on the hill."
"My daughter's a lawyer and drives a Mercedes, she lives in a large penthouse condominium right downtown overlooking the city."

*cough* "My son doesn't have a job. He doesn't own a car. And he lives in a tent..."

I've brought much shame and embarrassment to the family.

Oh well.

I got a laugh out of this - I can relate! I'm in my 50s and every week when I talk to my mother, she still tells me stories about so-and-so's son, a lawyer who bought a 15 room mansion in LA.

Linea_Norway

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #52 on: October 30, 2019, 06:40:21 AM »
Ethnic parents here, from a "face" culture that values the respect of others.

They weren't thrilled when I quit a respectable job because they could no longer boast about their son's occupation:

"What does your kid do? My son is a doctor and drives a Porsche, he lives in a huge mansion up on the hill."
"My daughter's a lawyer and drives a Mercedes, she lives in a large penthouse condominium right downtown overlooking the city."

*cough* "My son doesn't have a job. He doesn't own a car. And he lives in a tent..."

I've brought much shame and embarrassment to the family.

Oh well.

I got a laugh out of this - I can relate! I'm in my 50s and every week when I talk to my mother, she still tells me stories about so-and-so's son, a lawyer who bought a 15 room mansion in LA.

Why on earth would any person want to have a 15 room mansion??? Apart from wanting to AirBnB the rooms.

AdamBe

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #53 on: October 31, 2019, 11:12:36 PM »
Quote from: cloudsail
How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?

Some were cool with it.

But others.... they don't understand FIRE and how it's possible.

It's hard to alter a society that is conditioned by the idea that you "work until age 65".

Malkynn

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #54 on: November 02, 2019, 08:56:31 AM »
Quote from: cloudsail
How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?

Some were cool with it.

But others.... they don't understand FIRE and how it's possible.

It's hard to alter a society that is conditioned by the idea that you "work until age 65".

You don't have to alter society though.

Choosing a slightly different path doesn't have to be anything more than a personal decision.

ItsALongStory

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #55 on: November 02, 2019, 01:05:08 PM »
Quote from: cloudsail
How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?

Some were cool with it.

But others.... they don't understand FIRE and how it's possible.

It's hard to alter a society that is conditioned by the idea that you "work until age 65".

You don't have to alter society though.

Choosing a slightly different path doesn't have to be anything more than a personal decision.
Exactly, without the rest of society continuing in their way the markets wouldn't do so well, wages might not be as high etc.

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk


Cali4en

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #56 on: November 02, 2019, 05:14:29 PM »
We FIRE'd about five years ago with four pre-teen children at an average age of 42.

There were a few people who expressed skepticism about the whole idea of retiring early, but other than that the reactions across the board were universally positive.

Interestingly, the vast majority of questions people have expressed concern things like what we are going to do to fill our time or reactions from other people, but almost nobody has asked how we did it.  To the extent that people care at all, they almost never express any interest in doing it for themselves, which I find interesting because that was the exact opposite reaction I had when first exposed to the FIRE concept back in the late 90s.

Cassie

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #57 on: November 02, 2019, 05:19:42 PM »
We retired at 58 and 53. One couple 10 years older than us were mad that we were getting small pensions. We were open about working for the government for the pension.  They also tried to talk us out of downsizing our house. She left me a message at work saying I was making a big mistake when she knew I wouldn’t be there. Our 16 year friendship didn’t survive.

Malkynn

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Re: How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?
« Reply #58 on: November 03, 2019, 06:22:19 AM »
Quote from: cloudsail
How have family and friends embraced your early retirement?

Some were cool with it.

But others.... they don't understand FIRE and how it's possible.

It's hard to alter a society that is conditioned by the idea that you "work until age 65".

You don't have to alter society though.

Choosing a slightly different path doesn't have to be anything more than a personal decision.
Exactly, without the rest of society continuing in their way the markets wouldn't do so well, wages might not be as high etc.

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk

I actually mean it in a much broader sense.
Somebody doing something against the grain doesn't need to be a commentary on the choices of others.
For example, choosing not to have children doesn't have to be some kind of statement about parenting, it can just be a personal choice and no big deal.

Beyond that though, people are going to feel this judgement and pressure far more if they're surrounding themselves with a homogenous population.

It only feels like everyone is doing the same thing if everyone you interact with does the same thing. Really, there's so much range of human life out there that being a bit unconventional really isn't special or a big deal in any way.

For me, the vast majority of people I interact with are exactly the same: same education, same profession, same stresses, same goals, same range of income, same, same, same.

If I spent all of my time with them, I would feel like a crazy outlier, like a freak, and like I somehow need to defend my radically different life choices.

Except, I don't spend all my time in the sameness. I go out of my way to integrate all kinds of people into my sphere. It means I'm nowhere close to the most interesting or counter cultural person in my world.

I'm a minimalist who chooses to work part time and live in an apartment instead of a house. It's not that bloody radical, nor should it be of any real importance to anyone.
My life choices just aren't that big a deal.

Now, the kind of people I meet in my volunteer work? Yeah, some of them are legit fascinating and wildly different from the norm. They put it into perspective for me that just because my homogenous professional world thinks I'm some kind of radical, I'm really REALLY not.

In the world of ice cream, I'm as radical as vanilla but with those little dark flecks of vanilla bean. I'm no rainbow swirl, not even close.