Words/phrases I wish would go away

[RWD]

"cool beans"  (never really liked it and don't actually know how it was derived.. is it praising coffee beans? lol.. or did Ronald Reagan invent it to describe his jelly bean collection?)

My wife has an encyclopedia of word and phrase origins and I just took a look. I could not find "cool beans" listed.

Searching with Google it seems there isn't really a consensus as to where/how the phrase originated.
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/cool-beans/

[RetiredAt63]

My personal pet peeve (pun intended):

When people use the worded "pet" instead of "petted."  Drives me bonkers.

As in:  This dog love to be pet.  NO, HE DOESN'T.  He prefers to be petted.

It has become so common that no one knows it's wrong anymore.

Actually the dog loves to be petted.  Typos will get you every time.   ;-)

[Dollar Slice]

My personal pet peeve (pun intended):

When people use the worded "pet" instead of "petted."  Drives me bonkers.

As in:  This dog love to be pet.  NO, HE DOESN'T.  He prefers to be petted.

It has become so common that no one knows it's wrong anymore.

Actually the dog loves to be petted.  Typos will get you every time.   ;-)

Dogs aren't really sticklers for grammar and word choice, anyway. This dog love to be pet, that dog loves to be petted, the other dog prefers to get pats...

[jnw]

woke, grooming, genital mutilation, new world order, deep state, qanon are some annoying words/phrases lately as well.

[Metalcat]

"cool beans"  (never really liked it and don't actually know how it was derived.. is it praising coffee beans? lol.. or did Ronald Reagan invent it to describe his jelly bean collection?)

My wife has an encyclopedia of word and phrase origins and I just took a look. I could not find "cool beans" listed.

Searching with Google it seems there isn't really a consensus as to where/how the phrase originated.
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/cool-beans/

Yeah, it's a common myth that it comes from Cheech and Chong and drug culture, but it's more accepted to come from "some beans," which was used to connote someone doing something with a lot of enthusiasm. Like "Damn, she was some beans in that debate!" Although I have no doubt that Cheech and Chong popularized "cool beans."

"Some beans" was an evolution of "full of beans," which of course is about race horses feeling energetic from being fed beans. The phrase "feeling one's oats" basically means the same thing and is also about feeding horses.

[nereo]

My personal pet peeve (pun intended):

When people use the worded "pet" instead of "petted."  Drives me bonkers.

As in:  This dog love to be pet.  NO, HE DOESN'T.  He prefers to be petted.

It has become so common that no one knows it's wrong anymore.

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

[simonsez]

My personal pet peeve (pun intended):

When people use the worded "pet" instead of "petted."  Drives me bonkers.

As in:  This dog love to be pet.  NO, HE DOESN'T.  He prefers to be petted.

It has become so common that no one knows it's wrong anymore.

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t let the sweaty things.

Also, don't let the sweaty things pet you!

[GuitarStv]

My personal pet peeve (pun intended):

When people use the worded "pet" instead of "petted."  Drives me bonkers.

As in:  This dog love to be pet.  NO, HE DOESN'T.  He prefers to be petted.

It has become so common that no one knows it's wrong anymore.

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t let the sweaty things.

Also, don't let the sweaty things pet you!

Y'all are missing out .  .  .

[nereo]

Yesterday I learned that “know what a woman is” is apparently a buzzword phrase now, but it seems fairly ambiguous other than signaling opposition to LGBTQ

[iris lily]

"cool beans"  (never really liked it and don't actually know how it was derived.. is it praising coffee beans? lol.. or did Ronald Reagan invent it to describe his jelly bean collection?)

yes, I always thought it was dumb

[Metalcat]

Yesterday I learned that “know what a woman is” is apparently a buzzword phrase now, but it seems fairly ambiguous other than signaling opposition to LGBTQ

Never heard this before. What on earth is it supposed to mean other than sounding ominously transphobic?

[Dollar Slice]

Never heard this before. What on earth is it supposed to mean other than sounding ominously transphobic?

It's just transphobic BS. If you look through replies to people who defend LGBTQ+ causes on Twitter (or wherever) you'll see endless weirdos randomly replying with comments like that. Or maybe they're bots, there's certainly enough of them. Basically dog whistle hate speech. I think the implication is that they think they can catch people out by demanding they "define what a woman really is" and they won't be able to without using anti-trans definitions or something? It's the sort of insanity you get when you spend too much time in some weird corner of the Internet without coming up for air.

[GuitarStv]

If you asked a left leaning fully LGBTQ supporting person in 2000 what a woman was, you would get a completely different answer than doing the same today.  That's a huge change!  If you look it up, most dictionaries (that are ten or more years old) will say something along the lines of:

Woman - an adult human female

and then if you look up 'female' you get something along the lines of:

Female - of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes.

Now the word 'woman' seems to be commonly used as a descriptor of the societal construct of feminine gender, rather than sex.  This has led to some people using statements that twenty years ago would be considered by anyone laughably ridiculous like "This woman has a penis".  I don't deny that many people are transphobic (and that's probably causing many of the comments), but you have to admit that this kind of alteration of language is confusing.  If you have a particular background, it's entirely possible that you've lived your whole life using and hearing only the original definition of the word woman - it makes sense that there's going to be pushback when something so ingrained in daily use is altered.

[nereo]

If you asked a left leaning fully LGBTQ supporting person in 2000 what a woman was, you would get a completely different answer than doing the same today.  That's a huge change!  If you look it up, most dictionaries (that are ten or more years old) will say something along the lines of:

Woman - an adult human female

and then if you look up 'female' you get something along the lines of:

Female - of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes.

Now the word 'woman' seems to be commonly used as a descriptor of the societal construct of feminine gender, rather than sex.  This has led to some people using statements that twenty years ago would be considered by anyone laughably ridiculous like "This woman has a penis".  I don't deny that many people are transphobic (and that's probably causing many of the comments), but you have to admit that this kind of alteration of language is confusing.  If you have a particular background, it's entirely possible that you've lived your whole life using and hearing only the original definition of the word woman - it makes sense that there's going to be pushback when something so ingrained in daily use is altered.

The word has always depended on the context, at least as long as I've been around.  Consider what the different implications are between a hip-hop lyric "she's a real woman' to the pubescent "you are becoming a woman" to bathroom signage "woman" to a "woman-led company" to "woman's rights" to the decidedly icky post-virginial "you are a woman now". All are referring to the word in different social and literal ways.

[Photograph 51]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

[GuitarStv]

If you asked a left leaning fully LGBTQ supporting person in 2000 what a woman was, you would get a completely different answer than doing the same today.  That's a huge change!  If you look it up, most dictionaries (that are ten or more years old) will say something along the lines of:

Woman - an adult human female

and then if you look up 'female' you get something along the lines of:

Female - of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes.

Now the word 'woman' seems to be commonly used as a descriptor of the societal construct of feminine gender, rather than sex.  This has led to some people using statements that twenty years ago would be considered by anyone laughably ridiculous like "This woman has a penis".  I don't deny that many people are transphobic (and that's probably causing many of the comments), but you have to admit that this kind of alteration of language is confusing.  If you have a particular background, it's entirely possible that you've lived your whole life using and hearing only the original definition of the word woman - it makes sense that there's going to be pushback when something so ingrained in daily use is altered.

The word has always depended on the context, at least as long as I've been around.  Consider what the different implications are between a hip-hop lyric "she's a real woman' to the pubescent "you are becoming a woman" to bathroom signage "woman" to a "woman-led company" to "woman's rights" to the decidedly icky post-virginial "you are a woman now". All are referring to the word in different social and literal ways.

Different contextual nuances sure, but I'd argue that (until recently) every one of those usages was specific to someone of female sex.  It is a very recent development that 'woman' could refer to someone with a penis.  I'm not against the change in the word, but you have to acknowledge that there has been a pretty big change.  It makes sense that a lot of people are going to be slow to assimilate.

[Metalcat]

If you asked a left leaning fully LGBTQ supporting person in 2000 what a woman was, you would get a completely different answer than doing the same today.  That's a huge change!  If you look it up, most dictionaries (that are ten or more years old) will say something along the lines of:

Woman - an adult human female

and then if you look up 'female' you get something along the lines of:

Female - of or denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes.

Now the word 'woman' seems to be commonly used as a descriptor of the societal construct of feminine gender, rather than sex.  This has led to some people using statements that twenty years ago would be considered by anyone laughably ridiculous like "This woman has a penis".  I don't deny that many people are transphobic (and that's probably causing many of the comments), but you have to admit that this kind of alteration of language is confusing.  If you have a particular background, it's entirely possible that you've lived your whole life using and hearing only the original definition of the word woman - it makes sense that there's going to be pushback when something so ingrained in daily use is altered.

The word has always depended on the context, at least as long as I've been around.  Consider what the different implications are between a hip-hop lyric "she's a real woman' to the pubescent "you are becoming a woman" to bathroom signage "woman" to a "woman-led company" to "woman's rights" to the decidedly icky post-virginial "you are a woman now". All are referring to the word in different social and literal ways.

Different contextual nuances sure, but I'd argue that (until recently) every one of those usages was specific to someone of female sex.  It is a very recent development that 'woman' could refer to someone with a penis.  I'm not against the change in the word, but you have to acknowledge that there has been a pretty big change.  It makes sense that a lot of people are going to be slow to assimilate.

Sure, but there's a difference between understanding that change takes time and when something becomes a hateful dog whistle, which seems to be what the pp who posted it is suggesting.

It's like the first time I ever saw #alllivesmatter I had no clue what the hell it meant, it looked like a wholesome, inclusive hashtag similar to "Every Child Matters." But nooooooooo, my first instinct was very wrong!

In truth "know what a woman is" could be used by either side of the trans ideology. The concept doesn't belong to either side. But clearly the phrase has taken on a meaning of its own according to the pp who posted it.

There's a HUGE difference between the idea expressed by a phrase on its face and when a phrase becomes a dog whistle for a larger ideology.

The phrase stops meaning what it says and starts meaning something much larger.

[GuitarStv]

Yep.  Agreed.  I just like to bring up the possibility that a comments along those lines might not always be dog whistles.

The first time that I heard of pregnant men and women with penises lots of 'WTF?' alarms started ringing in the back of my head.  It took a fair amount of reasoning and thought before I could understand where the change was coming from and then accept the transition of the words from the meaning and form that I grew up with to the current usage of the term.

[Metalcat]

Yep.  Agreed.  I just like to bring up the possibility that a comments along those lines might not always be dog whistles.

The first time that I heard of pregnant men and women with penises lots of 'WTF?' alarms started ringing in the back of my head.  It took a fair amount of reasoning and thought before I could understand where the change was coming from and then accept the transition of the words from the meaning and form that I grew up with to the current usage of the term.

Sure, but it seemed pretty clear from the pp's post that they had just learned a new dog whistle. Granted, they haven't clarified that, but to me, that seemed very evident from how they phrased it.

[jnw]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

Well I can think of an example to use this phrase. Say you get pulled over and officer starts asking you questions, and you reply, "Respectfully, Officer Smith, I never answer any questions at traffic stops".  The officer then replies, "Why are you giving me trouble, no one else says this".  "I'm sorry you feel that way officer, but I'm just exercising my 5th ammendment right to not answer your questions, I am sure you understand."  Because in reality it is the officers attitude that's causing the problem not the driver; I'm not going to sit there an entertain an officer's fishing expedition, letting him fabricate/manufacture things.. I've seen so many videos of innocent people getting harmed by officers for doing nothing at all illegal.

EDIT: I suppose I'll change it to "It's a shame you feel that way officer..."  changing "I'm sorry" to "It's a shame".  That sounds better.

[Tyson]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

I'm sorry you feel that way. 

(couldn't resist) :D

[dividendman]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

[Metalcat]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

[Paul der Krake]

This slaps fr fr no cap.

[Photograph 51]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

I'm sorry you feel that way. 

(couldn't resist) :D

You should have resisted.  Your comment was hurtful, immature, and inappropriate.  I pointed out a phrase that is commonly used to victim shame and you response was to make a tasteless joke.  Not okay.  You owe me a genuine apology. 

[Photograph 51]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

Well I can think of an example to use this phrase. Say you get pulled over and officer starts asking you questions, and you reply, "Respectfully, Officer Smith, I never answer any questions at traffic stops".  The officer then replies, "Why are you giving me trouble, no one else says this".  "I'm sorry you feel that way officer, but I'm just exercising my 5th ammendment right to not answer your questions, I am sure you understand."  Because in reality it is the officers attitude that's causing the problem not the driver; I'm not going to sit there an entertain an officer's fishing expedition, letting him fabricate/manufacture things.. I've seen so many videos of innocent people getting harmed by officers for doing nothing at all illegal.

EDIT: I suppose I'll change it to "It's a shame you feel that way officer..."  changing "I'm sorry" to "It's a shame".  That sounds better.

The exchange doesn't even make sense, since the officer didn't even express any emotions, so there would be no need to apologize a non-expressed emotion of another person.  How does someone apologize for someone else's emotions, anyways?  We have no control over other people's emotions, so it makes no sense to "apologize" for their emotions.  It seems like the driver disagrees with the officer's statements, not the officer's feelings.  The driver could easily respond to the officer's question by saying, "I'm exercising my constitutional rights."  There is no need to offer a fake "apology."

[ATtiny85]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

I'm sorry you feel that way. 

(couldn't resist) :D

It was too easy, right? Reminds me of “lighten up Francis” from Stripes. Good stuff.

[jnw]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

Well I can think of an example to use this phrase. Say you get pulled over and officer starts asking you questions, and you reply, "Respectfully, Officer Smith, I never answer any questions at traffic stops".  The officer then replies, "Why are you giving me trouble, no one else says this".  "I'm sorry you feel that way officer, but I'm just exercising my 5th ammendment right to not answer your questions, I am sure you understand."  Because in reality it is the officers attitude that's causing the problem not the driver; I'm not going to sit there an entertain an officer's fishing expedition, letting him fabricate/manufacture things.. I've seen so many videos of innocent people getting harmed by officers for doing nothing at all illegal.

EDIT: I suppose I'll change it to "It's a shame you feel that way officer..."  changing "I'm sorry" to "It's a shame".  That sounds better.

The exchange doesn't even make sense, since the officer didn't even express any emotions, so there would be no need to apologize a non-expressed emotion of another person.  How does someone apologize for someone else's emotions, anyways?  We have no control over other people's emotions, so it makes no sense to "apologize" for their emotions.  It seems like the driver disagrees with the officer's statements, not the officer's feelings.  The driver could easily respond to the officer's question by saying, "I'm exercising my constitutional rights."  There is no need to offer a fake "apology."

The officer needs to understand that his feelings are getting in the way if he complains about one exercising their constitutional rights.  He is a law enforcement officer not a feelings enforcement officer.  If he continues to be inappropriate I'll have him call his supervisor.  The only thing you are legally obligated to do at a traffic stop is give the officer your id, registration and proof of insurance, as well as get out of the car if he says to.  You don't have to answer a single question no matter what he asks or how much he asks.  About the only question I'd answer is "can I search you or your car" and I'd respond "I don't consent to searches."

I find your reply interesting since in the example scenario I gave you, it was the officer who first RUDELY implied there was some problem with the driver.  I feel it's appropriate to shift it right back where it belongs.. back to the officer, to let them know in this case, they are the one in the wrong.

EDIT: Also when one says "I'm sorry" it doesn't necessarily mean an apology. It could mean "I feel sorrow for the situation".. e.g when someone dies "I'm sorry for your loss".  You aren't apologizing to the person that their friend or family member died, you're expressing your sorrow.

[Freedomin5]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

I’ve used “I’m sorry you feel that way” on occasion.

There will always be people who don’t like you, no matter what, even if you do everything right, they’ll think you did it wrong. So rather than try to justify myself or agree with them when they’re being emotionally or verbally abusive, I’ll just say “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

[Photograph 51]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

Well I can think of an example to use this phrase. Say you get pulled over and officer starts asking you questions, and you reply, "Respectfully, Officer Smith, I never answer any questions at traffic stops".  The officer then replies, "Why are you giving me trouble, no one else says this".  "I'm sorry you feel that way officer, but I'm just exercising my 5th ammendment right to not answer your questions, I am sure you understand."  Because in reality it is the officers attitude that's causing the problem not the driver; I'm not going to sit there an entertain an officer's fishing expedition, letting him fabricate/manufacture things.. I've seen so many videos of innocent people getting harmed by officers for doing nothing at all illegal.

EDIT: I suppose I'll change it to "It's a shame you feel that way officer..."  changing "I'm sorry" to "It's a shame".  That sounds better.

The exchange doesn't even make sense, since the officer didn't even express any emotions, so there would be no need to apologize a non-expressed emotion of another person.  How does someone apologize for someone else's emotions, anyways?  We have no control over other people's emotions, so it makes no sense to "apologize" for their emotions.  It seems like the driver disagrees with the officer's statements, not the officer's feelings.  The driver could easily respond to the officer's question by saying, "I'm exercising my constitutional rights."  There is no need to offer a fake "apology."

The officer needs to understand that his feelings are getting in the way if he complains about one exercising their constitutional rights.  He is a law enforcement officer not a feelings enforcement officer.  If he continues to be inappropriate I'll have him call his supervisor.  The only thing you are legally obligated to do at a traffic stop is give the officer your id, registration and proof of insurance, as well as get out of the car if he says to.  You don't have to answer a single question no matter what he asks or how much he asks.  About the only question I'd answer is "can I search you or your car" and I'd respond "I don't consent to searches."

I find your reply interesting since in the example scenario I gave you, it was the officer who first RUDELY implied there was some problem with the driver.  I feel it's appropriate to shift it right back where it belongs.. back to the officer, to let them know in this case, they are the one in the wrong.

EDIT: Also when one says "I'm sorry" it doesn't necessarily mean an apology. It could mean "I feel sorrow for the situation".. e.g when someone dies "I'm sorry for your loss".  You aren't apologizing to the person that their friend or family member died, you're expressing your sorrow.

In your example, the officer did not rudely imply that there was a problem with the driver.  The officer asked a question.  The appropriate response would be to answer the question.  Examples: "I am exercising my Constitutional rights," "I don't wish to answer," "I wish to remain silent," etc.  If the officer did behave in a way in which a driver thought that emotions are involved, the driver could say, "I think you are using emotions when you should be using reason," "You are treating me in an inappropriate manner," or suchlike.  A person never has the right to apologize for someone else's emotions.  Personally, in any interactions I have with police officers, I do whatever they say because they have guns and I don't, but if I were going to call them out on inappropriate behavior, I wouldtell them which behavior is inappropriate and request that the behavior change.  I wouldn't try to own their emotions by giving a fake apology.

Saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is completely different than "I'm sorry you feel that way."  If someone is mourning the loss of a loved one, the former is appropriate.  The latter is a slap in the face.

[Photograph 51]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

I’ve used “I’m sorry you feel that way” on occasion.

There will always be people who don’t like you, no matter what, even if you do everything right, they’ll think you did it wrong. So rather than try to justify myself or agree with them when they’re being emotionally or verbally abusive, I’ll just say “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Then please stop.  If someone is engaging in emotional or verbal abuse, you could say, "Your behavior is abusive and I will not engage with you until you treat me with respect."  You do not have the right to apologize for another person's emotions, nor is saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" going to be helpful for changing their behavior or resolving the matter.  Why is this so difficult for people to understand this?  Please read the following articles to gain insight on this:

https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/gaslighting-apology-toxic-relationships-friendships
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mental-health-revolution/202203/i-m-sorry-you-feel-way-and-other-gaslighting-tactics
https://www.thecandidly.com/2019/im-sorry-you-feel-that-way-exactly-how-to-apologize-like-a-grown-up
https://skillpath.com/blog/how-to-apologize
https://students.ouhsc.edu/news/article/im-sorry-you-feel-that-wayunderstanding-gaslighting

[ATtiny85]

Interesting hill to make a stand on. I am not even a little sorry for feeling the way I do about it.

[Kris]

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology, nor is it meant to be. It is expressing sadness or regret about the situation. It's an entirely appropriate use of the word.

An expression of apology or penitence is only one of the definitions of "sorry." And as someone who both cares about and enjoys language, I fully endorse using the panoply of options at our disposal. It can also be used as sympathy, compassion, or acknowledgment that a situation is regrettable.

Sorry, like many words, has multiple meanings.

[GilesMM]

"I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology, nor is it meant to be. It is expressing sadness or regret about the situation. It's an entirely appropriate use of the word.
...

Only they typically are not really sorry you feel that way.  I think it would be more truthful if they said something like "It is unfortunate you feel that way".




But, how do we go about making all these unwanted words and phrases go away?  Complain loudly every time we hear them?

[jnw]

In your example, the officer did not rudely imply that there was a problem with the driver.

Wrong, that's how you interpreted it. The officers frown when they say this. They raise their voice loudly. They make loud breathing noises. The might even put their hand on the gun. They use intimidation tactics.  They keep harassing you no matter how polite you are.  Everything I said was very polite to the officer including the answer to his first question:  "Officer Smith, respectfully, I never answer questions at traffic stops".  The officers go on and on with temper tamptrums when they don't get their way. They often get EXTREMELY emotional.  It's the officer that is wrong in this case.  They need to know they are in the  wrong.  And the most polite way I thought to say this is "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm just excercising my fifth ammendment right".  Also the "I'm sorry" isnt' really an apology, but an expression of sadness that the officer is violating your rights .. just like saying "I'm sorry for your loss" is not an apology but expressing sorrow. Anywyas I am done arguing about this.  I think you have too much of a personal hangup, not thinking about what someone is truly saying when they say I'm sorry.. it's not always an apology.

[Morning Glory]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way" either.  It usually translates to something dismissive like "I have no interest in trying to fix your problem " or "I don't have the power/budget/whatever to fix your problem and you aren't important enough for me to stop and explain why".

E.g.
Employee: "my chair is broken "
Boss: "I'm sorry you feel that way"

[Tyson]

I don't like "I'm sorry you feel that way."  The person is trying to count this as an apology, but it is totally not an apology.  Instead, it shifts the blame to the other person by saying that the problem is not the offense that the first person committed, but rather is that the other person did not care for being the victim of the offense.  This phrase says that if the other person would just stop feeling that way, then there would be no problem, even though in reality the other person's feeling is appropriate for the occasion.

Example: An employee complains about sexual harassment in the workplace, explaining why the perpetrator's actions are creepy and need to stop.  When the perpetrator is called out on this and the victim explains how what he is doing makes her skin crawl, he responds "I'm sorry you feel that way" and expects the problem to go away without him having to own up to his behavior.

I'm sorry you feel that way. 

(couldn't resist) :D

You should have resisted.  Your comment was hurtful, immature, and inappropriate.  I pointed out a phrase that is commonly used to victim shame and you response was to make a tasteless joke.  Not okay.  You owe me a genuine apology.

It was meant as a light hearted jest.  I'm sorry.

[dividendman]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

[Kris]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

[Metalcat]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

Same, when I said I like it, I mean that I like it when the younger people I know use it. I wouldn't use it. I don't think my slang has really changed since the 90s.

[dividendman]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

[GuitarStv]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

[Morning Glory]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

Careful now. If you sound too sus you might get yeeted.

[Kris]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

Careful now. If you sound too sus you might get yeeted.

Imma yeet that comment into the sun.

[GuitarStv]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

Careful now. If you sound too sus you might get yeeted.

Imma yeet that comment into the sun.

Thread's sounding hella wiggity wack now.

[Josiecat22222]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

Careful now. If you sound too sus you might get yeeted.

Imma yeet that comment into the sun.

Thread's sounding hella wiggity wack now.

no cap

[Kris]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

Careful now. If you sound too sus you might get yeeted.

Imma yeet that comment into the sun.

Thread's sounding hella wiggity wack now.

no cap

Based.

[jnw]

How about "gonna slap" for something that's going to be awesome.

e.g. The party tomorrow's gonna slap yo!

I actually like that one.

ETA: apparently this particular slang comes out of the Bay Area

I've been using it to bug my family and it's starting to grow on me haha.

I like it, too. I have to stop myself from using it because at my age it would sound too try-hard coming out of my mouth.

But it makes how we talk on fleek.

Words so phat they're sick.

Careful now. If you sound too sus you might get yeeted.

Imma yeet that comment into the sun.

Thread's sounding hella wiggity wack now.

no cap

Based.

Russian doll.

[RetiredAt63]

Found a good t-shirt theme today.

[Frugal Lizard]

My DD would love this t-shirt.