It's a strange thing, a workplace, because when other colleagues are also really fraught and negative, it gets contagious - there have been tears in meetings, people threatening to walk out without even giving notice. Everyone seems to be having a bit of a meltdown and I've been really caught up in it too. Probably why my boss told me to stop being so negative - I'm guessing he sees me as one of the causes of all this.
To give a tiny bit more info on why I was so worried about being sacked that I thought I should jump instead of being pushed - the work politics are going a bit like this:
1. I told one of my (senior) bosses that I was applying for another job. I know, I know, that was a really stupid thing to do. At that point I was basically like 'this is the end, I don't care about the consequences, I can't bear this anymore, I'm leaving'. Stress making me go loopy. My direct boss (I'l call him DB) was on holiday which is why I ended up talking to one of the senior bosses.
2. Senior management have actually been surprisingly amazing. They wanted to chat to me about the reasons for leaving; wanted to find solutions, but only if I 'commit to staying'. Understandably they're not wiling to give time/effort to someone who is just going to fuck off anyway.
3. DB (who is between me and senior management) responded to this by stopping speaking to me entirely. He's been really busy, but noticieably stopped giving a crap about me or my dept after that. I asked him for a meeting, in which he made it clear that I should leave: 'life is too short if you're unhappy, just go', 'it's clear you're unhappy', 'your [specific work targets] are not being met', 'maybe this job is not the right fit for you', and he even went so far as to advise that I could ask my parents for money if money was the reason I was hesitating about quitting. (Side note: hilariously at odds with MMM forum feelings about cash/jobs/parents/entitlement).
4. Then I was called into a meeting with DB and senior management, in which DB said he would really love for me to stay. It kind of felt like he'd been asked to say that to me.
5. Then came the meeting between me and DB (to talk about *another* issue with another of member staff threatening to leave) and he came out with that chat about how hard it is to sack people and 'you should know you have a lot of rights as an employee'.
I can understand that my direct boss just wants me to leave. He's probably at the end of his tether with all of this. I also think senior management have been more than reasonable and uncommonly kind. But their attitude is at odds with my direct boss, and all this lovely-feelings chat about improving things and asking me to stay will, in reality, be left in the hands of my direct boss to implement, and he is NOT into that plan at all.
I'm also wondering if my direct boss pretty much wants to quit as well. Hmm.
Torran, NOW we're getting somewhere! Your more detailed description clarifies things immensely IMHO. What follows is just one opinion from a person experienced in making workplace mistakes.
(Please do not take offense at this terminology. You are not the cause of this workplace's problems, just an innocent person in a situation where mere logic is insufficient for the task of survival. Stay calm. Your errors are natural ones for a person of logic who is dedicated to their job - they are correct from the viewpoint of being dedicated to the company, only incorrect from standpoint of relating to fallible fellow humans failing in their own jobs. In other words, your only error was in the technical area of "surviving other people's mistakes." This happens to everyone sometime unless they are a natural genius at office politics.)
1. I would not spend much time following DB's suggestions literally or addressing every concern that he/she articulates. I agree with lhamo, one of the wisest posters on these wisdom-filled boards, but be careful not to overtask yourself. My reasoning is that you have angered your boss the point where he/she is flailing wildly out of control. His/her words are expressions of panic or emotion at this point, not expressions of reason; as such they represent transient feelings, not permanent positions, and should be judiciously ignored in favor of keeping your mouth shut.
2. If you're going to pay attention to your boss, focus on their emotions but don't mollify them. Just respect them in the sense of giving them fair consideration while you do your job. Example: You see your boss one-on-one in the hall, she/he looks downcast, you say "Hi, boss. Rough day?" Perhaps you follow up with "Can't blame you. See you later." This conveys some acknowledgement of the boss's feelings without pretending to take responsibility for the problems.
3. Just to be clear - your boss is the main person in trouble here, not you. If you just keep your mouth shut from here on out, the person likely to be fired is DB. I've seen multiple cases of this. (That's why management is solicitous of you. Their job is to get DB to be effective. Your info to them was news relevant to their task. Their assumption UNLESS you start claiming to be at fault is that DB is the problem, not you. Going forward, stay quiet, do your job, keep good notes and thereby support their assumption.)
4. DB knows item 3. That's why DB is upset.
5. Fwiw, whether you should have gone over DB's head sooner, when you did or not at all depends on workplace culture. I have no idea what would have been perfect in your workplace, but it doesn't matter any more.
6. One option to consider is replacing DB after they sack him. If nothing else, while you're still working here, quietly prepare your own plans on topics such as:
a. How to improve the workplace atmosphere
b. How to keep things from collapsing if they other employees quit
c. How to hire a new team if you replace DB
7. Yes, you still look for other jobs.
8. Yes, you still strengthen your position by living on 900 or less.
9. Definitely tell upper management that you are committed to staying. Do not feel guilty about this. If they fired DB and hired a good boss, you should consider staying for real - they are committed improvement and you're part of the improvement. Even more so if you get promoted. If you end up leaving, that's only because conditions changed - you were committed when you said you were.
10. If you're unsure whether you left the feeling you are "committed", you can go back to them and say "I really appreciate that you took time with me the other day. I am committed to this workplace, and your concern for me has strengthened my commitment. It shows that the company is a good workplace no matter what the ups and downs of an individual team or project. I would like to grow with this company."
Do not screw things up by your own words and actions such as saying too much or claiming to be the cause of any of the team's problems, not even in order to just be polite. No! Don't do it!
The workplace is not always the place for full disclosure with complete honesty. The workplace, being an imperfect place, does not reward full honest disclosure except in special circumstances. Learn these unspoken rules or you will suffer these situations again and again.
The way I read your boss's behavior changes, management made it clear to him that part of his job is to keep staff on board. His initial instinct was that you betrayed him by exposing his weak management to his bosses, so he wanted to get rid of you. Management instructed him to do otherwise after investigating. You are safe for the time being. Unless you do something weird or incompetent, he can only fire you if he survives for a long time, they forget about it all, and he takes retribution at that later time. Good luck in any case.
