Share Your Quitting Your Job Success Stories

[nexus]

Edit 1 per @Metalcat )

Revised Questions
1. What were your fears for leaving your job? Did anything (repeatedly) hold you back from leaving?
2. What fears did you have that were totally unwarranted and in retrospect illogical once you were on the other side?
3. What fears were totally warranted or unknown that you wish you'd accounted for, in retrospect?
4. How did #2 or #3 affect you for better or for worse and would you have done anything differently?

Edit 2 per @Smokystache ’s great input
5. How’s it going now?


Personal info:
2 married 30 somethings. M (OP) the higher earner and having multiple non-passive revenue streams. Currently burnt out of corporate america coincidentally while spouse is likely to 1.5-2x'ing their income this year and supportive of me dialing back. I researched health insurance through ACA and seems affordable since we'll lose it once I leave my employer and spouse is transitioning from an employer to their own business so we'll have to buy insurance.
NW $900k (check journal for recent-ish numbers but...) $350k+ home equity w/ $340K left on loan. $70k-ish cash, $475k in investments. Investments: $270k brokerage, $180k+ in 401ks, rest in rollover IRAs and HSA. I'll likely do the roth conversion ladder at some point. We are very much in Coast FI territory. Projected in the next 12 months: spouse will take home 75-100%+ of what we're currently making combined without factoring in my side hustles or their side hustle. This might be a transition year, but we'll likely make just as much or more than we did in 2022.

In the meantime I am slowly accepting a year of slower mortgage pay down and investment contributions in exchange for (hopefully) better mental health and time/energy to work on my fitness, etc.  I know, probably sounds vain but is definitely one of the best routes to mental wellness that I've neglected for the almighty dollar these last few years.

I think the fear/hesitation is simply in the unknown of timing. How long before <spouse> makes full transition to higher level of income hours? How long until my workload ramps up (is seasonal, based on decent weather outside. Last year I had more demand than available hours from March - November.)

------------------------original post below this line------------------------

Apologies in advance if something like this has already been posted!

I need some extra motivation and inspiration to follow through with my plan to give notice in a couple weeks. I plan to take a break from corporate America for 6 months to indefinitely, but I'm afraid of the unknown.

Please feel free to share

• Your trials
• Your tribulations
• How or why you decided to quit (FI, burnout, etc)
• How you felt after and any advice or words of wisdom from your experience

[RWD]

There is this existing thread, might be slightly different than what you're asking for but I imagine still good for motivation:
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/epic-fu-money-stories/

[nexus]

@RWD , thanks I'll check these out in the meantime!

[Metalcat]

I think the way the OP is phrased, it's just really daunting to answer.

It might help if you share some of your own worries and hesitations for people to respond to and share our experiences.

You've just asked such massive general questions it's hard to know what to reply without writing a massive novel about personal experience.

[nexus]

I think the way the OP is phrased, it's just really daunting to answer.

It might help if you share some of your own worries and hesitations for people to respond to and share our experiences.

You've just asked such massive general questions it's hard to know what to reply without writing a massive novel about personal experience.

@Metalcat --totally fair. I edited my OP for some more specific questions and little more details about me. I was also sorta hoping for some longer narratives that I could relate to versus shorter, less detailed responses.

At the end of the day I'm probably asking for the impossible which is more replies & validation that it will be totally doable and that everything will be alright.

[Metalcat]

I think the way the OP is phrased, it's just really daunting to answer.

It might help if you share some of your own worries and hesitations for people to respond to and share our experiences.

You've just asked such massive general questions it's hard to know what to reply without writing a massive novel about personal experience.

@Metalcat --totally fair. I edited my OP for some more specific questions and little more details about me. I was also sorta hoping for some longer narratives that I could relate to versus shorter, less detailed responses.

At the end of the day I'm probably asking for the impossible which is more replies & validation that it will be totally doable and that everything will be alright.

I get that, but you will get a lot more long responses and engagement with specific emotional prompts.

What you are asking for is for people to share deep feelings. You have to write something that prompts those feelings.

[Metalcat]

Okay, see now I have a lot to say, but not a ton of time so I'm just going to latch on the point that made me go "what the actual fuck?"

Get it out of your head this very second that focusing on your physical health and fitness is somehow "vain" or that you have to justify it for a second. That's just fucking stupid.

Your physical body is the single most precious and valuable resource you have and neglecting it is shameful. You shouldn't be embarrassed that you want to focus on your physical wellness, you should perhaps be embarrassed that you sacrificed it for a career that from the sounds of it didn't exactly make you happy.

For me, my wellness and the wellness of my spouse are our NUMBER ONE priorities. Nothing comes first before physical and psychological well being. Literally everything else we do serves that priority. That's it.

At this very moment, I am in severely compromised health. You have no idea what I would give for the physical capacity to just get up and grab myself a glass of water. I have no water right now and I have to wait for my husband to get home to refill my giant water bottle.

DO NOT take whatever physical function you have for granted and never, ever apologize for doing what you should be doing to protect it.

Sorry, but I will come find you and slap you upside your damn head for saying something so ridiculous.

This is something you will have to focus on in retirement, reformulating what your priorities look like for living your optimal life. A mere absence of a career that's sucking you dry doesn't make a life good, it just removes a substantial barrier to your life being good.

But what do you actually need for your life to be good? And are you really able to afford putting that off any further? Whether that means leaving work forever or not is kind of irrelevant, but it certainly sounds like something has to change and that staying in your current role isn't in any way optimal.

[Smokystache]

I'll take a crack at it:

1. What were your fears for leaving your job? Did anything (repeatedly) hold you back from leaving?

I am the sole-income for a family of 5. I was a tenured professor at a small college. During the Great Recession and the 5 years after, my salary was stagnant around $55-60k. I realized that my salary potential was limited to 1-4% increases per year, but my household costs would increase by much more than that as my children grew, etc. My fears were that I was going from guaranteed income and lifetime job (with health insurance) to not uncertain income and no paid benefits. What pushed me past this fear were two things:
1) I had started building a side-hustle over 4-5 years and a friend in the new field offered me a contract position that would cover half my professor salary for half-time work
2) Fear -- if I didn't make a move and do something, my costs were simply going to overwhelm my current income growth. We would have had a home and food, but no vacations, no extra-curriculars for the kids, etc. etc.

2. What fears did you have that were totally unwarranted and in retrospect illogical once you were on the other side?
Healthcare coverage was the biggest fear that was completely unwarranted. My supposed "great" benefits simply weren't that great. I was already paying a around $500/month out of pocket for my dependents and spouse and had just started adding in another $150/month for my own coverage (this was 5 years ago). My first year on ACA with similar coverage for the whole family was $700/month (helps to have 3 dependents and a low income). So I went from paying $650/month out of pocket to $700/month out of pocket -- so much for my "great" employer coverage. Your mileage may vary.

3. What fears were totally warranted or unknown that you wish you'd accounted for, in retrospect?
Not much - I was afraid of a lot. It would have been helpful to have more experience in business, productized services, positioning, pricing, etc. But you also have to learn a lot of those things "on the job." I worry about people who leave a w-2 gig and have always dreamed of opening a business (e.g., restaurant, B&B, franchise, etc.) without actually doing that work.

I did have to survive a dip of lower income for about 6 months as I got things going and hustled. Thankfully we had low expenses and could ride that out and I saw income rise fairly quickly.

4. How did #2 or #3 affect you for better or for worse and would you have done anything differently?
Like you have already done, it is easy to simply run the ACA numbers to see what your situation would be. And it also sounds like you're already working  your side-hustles to create alternative income, so you're going into this with eye-wide open and realistic assumptions.

You didn't ask any questions about how it's going or the benefits, but I'll share anyway.
- I don't go to any meetings I didn't schedule and they are all important. Zero time-wasting meetings that have no purpose.
- I am completely on my own schedule.
- I don't work with anyone I find repulsive, sexist, racist, or obnoxious.
- When I put in more effort, it is generally rewarded with higher income.
- I can create services and products that can scale so I can earn more income with the same or less effort.
- I usually only get about 5 emails a day and need to reply to 3 of them.

YMMV

[nexus]

[Edit - I selected the wrong username SMH]
@Metalcat -- (Sorry for the slow reply!!) Holy smokes, I sincerely hope your situation is temporary. I got a chuckle out of the "what the actual fuck" part too. Prior to this post I was planning on giving notice on the 17th. I am now thinking of giving notice on the 13th instead. I have Wednesday - Friday off this week (pesky rollover PTO that expires so I gotta use it). I'm planning on using this time off to test drive my future routine without a soul sucking day job and see how I feel about it. I have a strong feeling that by the time next Monday rolls around, I won't want to endure another work week before giving my notice. Conveniently, I have a meeting with my boss Monday morning so I might as well swallow the toad and let the cards fall.

The sad thing* (for them) is, had they given me a $10k raise and/or the promotion I would have felt valued, been extra motivated, and probably been a happy camper for the foreseeable future. Even if they magically come up with funds to persuade me to stay, I won't unless it is something ridiculous like going from my $100k-ish salary to $150k+. Even then, I'm not sure how long I'd stick it out.

Currently the plan is to be done and gone by March so they'd get 2-3 weeks notice.

@Smokystache -- Thanks for sharing, and for the suggesting I add 'How its going?' to the questions. It definitely sounds like you were being nudged towards the edge of a cliff -- and critical mass was the point where your expenses outgrew your income.

Cheapest ACA plan is around $470 for us. My employer takes $159 every two weeks from my paycheck for a low use HSA plan -- so about $318 per month depending on how many paychecks hit in a given month. It is not that much more. Dental and vision for the two of us costs another $25 per paycheck. I think the cheapest ACA dental plan is roughly the same cost.

I think we'll be in the same boat as you for #3. We've been working on getting my spouse's private practice (teletherapy) up and running. She's working for an employer that charges $200 per session and pays her ~$50. She's going to be charging $120/session for clients she's bringing with her, and $150 for new clients (we'll be setting aside 25% of that for taxes). She's also not accepting insurance. Her employer is allowing her to reduce her caseload and go part-time as she ramps up the private practice. It will go live in the next couple of weeks. So, we'll take an income hit as I lose my firehose of cash, but as she transitions to her own business she will basically double her income after taxes without having to work extra hours. All along the way we will be able to maintain our current spend levels without any adjustments aside from investing less or extra mortgage payments. **

Along the way, I plan on ramping up my side hustle. I project that income to cover 40-75% of our monthly expenses (sorta seasonal). In the short term I'm backburnering my arbitrary goals to pay off the house faster or hit the $1MM NW (currently hovering around $905k), but depending on the market we might hit it in the next 12-18 months regardless. Most importantly I think it'll also be amazing to be able to take the pressure off and just live for a while.

Congrats on your new situation. It sounds pretty epic!

*Now they're on track to being massively understaffed and having to pay 1.5-2x my salary to replace me and get the new person up to speed... or whatever the average cost to replace a competent employee with subject matter expertise is. That could take 6+ months, all while burdening and burning out their existing team at a higher pace than currently. Honestly I think a $50k salary increase is a bargain for avoiding that.
**$3-3.5k per month in spending (including mortgage payments). That will go to $3.5-$4k with paying for ACA health insurance. My spouse brings in at least $4k per month from her main job and another $750+ net from her side hustle. In theory we would still be able to set aside $500-$1,000 per month for investments, extra mortgage, or high yield savings (currently getting 3.8% from Personal Capital Cash).

[RWD]

@RWD

I think you mean @Metalcat ?

[nexus]

@RWD

I think you mean @Metalcat ?

Jeez, yes! Sorry!!

[RainyDay]

Very interested in the responses!

I'm FI but not yet RE...mostly because I can't figure out what to do with my time after I quit. 

[Metalcat]

Very interested in the responses!

I'm FI but not yet RE...mostly because I can't figure out what to do with my time after I quit.

This isn't actually something you need to figure out in advance.

That whole having to "retire to" something is for people who aren't very good at self motivation and autonomy. If you've reached FI, you are perfectly capable of doing things your own way.

It can take time to get to know who you even are without the bulk of your time and energy being siphoned off for your job.

It's been a few years out and my life looks nothing like I thought it would when I retired. I could have never in a million years predicted that I would be living the life I live now. And that's great, if I were living exactly the retirement I expected it wouldn't be nearly as cool.

You don't need to have a solid vision of what your retirement looks like day-to-day, that's ridiculous. What you need is a notion of how you want your retirement to *feel* and then build towards that.

My ideal is to feel rested, challenged, and satisfied.

To do that I need to carefully balance leisure, projects, quality time with loved ones, exercise, and adventure. At any given point if that balance is off, I do something to modify it.

I don't have to always know what I should be doing with my time, I just need to know whether I'm achieving the feeling I want to be having about my life. If I am, cool, stay the course, and if I'm not, them I change things.

It's really that simple.

[RainyDay]

Very interested in the responses!

I'm FI but not yet RE...mostly because I can't figure out what to do with my time after I quit.

This isn't actually something you need to figure out in advance.

That whole having to "retire to" something is for people who aren't very good at self motivation and autonomy. If you've reached FI, you are perfectly capable of doing things your own way.

It can take time to get to know who you even are without the bulk of your time and energy being siphoned off for your job.

Yeah, I keep thinking I should just quit my job and then figure things out. But I'm afraid I'll be bored without a solid plan.  I'm a homebody and an introvert, and it gets too easy to just stay home and read a book. 

I recently applied for a job at the local animal shelter, which would be a huge pay cut but hopefully a more satisfying job, helping animals in need.  I do volunteer with local rescues, but sometimes it's hard to find a good "fit" for volunteering (and I live in a high-traffic area, so some volunteer jobs can be an effort to get to). 

You're undoubtedly right that I just need to DO it!  Following here for inspiration.

[Metalcat]

Very interested in the responses!

I'm FI but not yet RE...mostly because I can't figure out what to do with my time after I quit.

This isn't actually something you need to figure out in advance.

That whole having to "retire to" something is for people who aren't very good at self motivation and autonomy. If you've reached FI, you are perfectly capable of doing things your own way.

It can take time to get to know who you even are without the bulk of your time and energy being siphoned off for your job.

Yeah, I keep thinking I should just quit my job and then figure things out. But I'm afraid I'll be bored without a solid plan.  I'm a homebody and an introvert, and it gets too easy to just stay home and read a book. 

I recently applied for a job at the local animal shelter, which would be a huge pay cut but hopefully a more satisfying job, helping animals in need.  I do volunteer with local rescues, but sometimes it's hard to find a good "fit" for volunteering (and I live in a high-traffic area, so some volunteer jobs can be an effort to get to). 

You're undoubtedly right that I just need to DO it!  Following here for inspiration.

And what's wrong with staying home and reading books?

If that makes you happy for a time, then do it. I spent the first several months of my retirement going for long walks and listening to audiobooks. I retired right at the beginning of the pandemic, and I had a great time just hunkering down, enjoying my own company, and exploring the things I enjoy doing by myself.

If sitting at home and reading stops feeling fulfilling, go do something else.

You don't need to know NOW what that something else is. You just get up one day, think "what do I want to do today?" And go do that thing. If it works for you, do more of it. If it doesn't, stop doing it and do something else.

But it's going to take being retired to get out of that 'I should do this" mindset.

Also, never be afraid of getting bored. Boredom is what motivates people to do much more interesting things. I give boredom a lot of credit for me taking on the really cool shit that I've done over the past year.

The worst thing you can do, IMO, is fill your life with crap to stave off boredom. Not being bored doesn't equal living a full and exciting life. Sometimes you need to get bored to be inspired to do really awesome shit.

If you're never bored, you may never feel properly motivated to live your best life and get stuck in the molasses swamps of a "good enough but not great" life.

So go read until your eyeballs fall out of your head and you forget what your own voice sounds like. And then let the boredom drive you to seek out fantastic adventures, because really, what the fuck else would you do with your time?

It took me about a year of retirement before I stopped feeling like I should do things and started realizing "holy fuck...I can do whatever I want" and suddenly doing shit felt like living, not like obligation.

[nexus]

@RainyDay - 100% with @Metalcat — read ALL the fuckin’ books as unapologetically as possible. If you get tired of reading you’ll find something else. Hell, maybe one of those books will set you on another path. That’s life! Learn as you go (even if all you learn is you didn’t like the experience or whatever).

We are sooooo fuckin’ lucky to be out of the rat race (or in my case coasting out of the rat race while all them other beezies keep playing Mario Cart Murder Mode).

I am pretty sure I’m gonna give notice on Monday. Originally I was going to take the rest of this week off, and then work the following week and give notice on Friday. I see no point in delaying the inevitable. I might as well set things in motion as early as possible on Monday rather than creating chaos or stress on a Friday afternoon.

I have today & the rest of the week off. I read Metal’s reply this morning and it straight up stopped me. I originally had my Wednesday - Sunday PTO planned out. Get up, go to gym instead of work my day job, do x , y, z — feel productive! No— I definitely need to stop feeling like I “need” to do things. That is just more work. If I do that, by Monday I’ll be exhausted and in bad shape to start a stressful week.

Metalcat, I am officially your fan, so thank you.

I had my coffee this morning, updated my side hustle spreadsheet, then read a bunch of posts on this forum instead of going to the gym. I absolutely want to get back to going consistently but right fucking now is not the time. I need to recover. I need to pursue my passions. I need to give myself a fat fucking break and stop trying to optimize every waking moment because the meaning of my life isn’t some stupid report or shareholder blah blah blah or profits or whatever. We are so brainwashed into thinking we constantly need to do things that it is a hard program to uninstall.

I had a phone call with a good buddy this evening. He reminded me that if I quit, it’s not a big deal. The team will manage just fine and the company doesn’t give two shits. Maybe my team will endure some short term hardships, but within a short amount of time nobody will remember me. That is liberating! — I mean unless they give me a 40%+ raise but even then I wouldn’t stay very long unless I could use that new status to move to some other sort of more senior strategic role (massively unlikely. If I asked for 40% more they’d laugh in my face and then I’d reduce my notice period by being less available during that time.)

Instead, I made some bomb ass tacos for lunch, then threw some monotone podcast on the TV and took a 2pm nap. The best part? My cat cuddled with me and I LOVED it!

Even though it was just today — in this abundance of free time and low pressure I even had time
To actually lesson plan / prep for my tennis classes tonight (that’s my side hustle and passion) and it was awesome to give my students/clients better structure and while it was not perfect it was still really enjoyable and a great learning experience (what worked Vs what didn’t work — and whiny kids are pains in the asses anyway so whatever).

But that’s my goal. Fuck this day job and just teach tennis part time. I’ve been doing that already in addition to the day job. With the day job out of the way, I think I’m just going to have even more time to hone my craft. I’d rather have a job where the ask is “how do we make this more fun?” Than “answer this for the regulators” or some other bullshit fire drill that requires overtime and keeps me indoors.

[Metalcat]

Metalcat, I am officially your fan, so thank you.

Welcome to the club, I'll DM you a link where you can buy official merch :P

[Smokystache]

I had a phone call with a good buddy this evening. He reminded me that if I quit, it’s not a big deal. The team will manage just fine and the company doesn’t give two shits. Maybe my team will endure some short term hardships, but within a short amount of time nobody will remember me. That is liberating!

I'm so glad your friend shared this with you. This is 1000% true. If you were in the hospital for 6 months, they would figure it out. After next week, they will also figure it out. If there are a few that you want to try to keep as friends, that's great. But generally speaking, co-workers move on and keep plodding along whether you are there or not.

How exciting! Nothing more energizing than feeling good about your decision and seeing the possibilities!!

[RainyDay]

Originally I was going to take the rest of this week off, and then work the following week and give notice on Friday. I see no point in delaying the inevitable. I might as well set things in motion as early as possible on Monday rather than creating chaos or stress on a Friday afternoon.

@nexus did you give notice this morning?  Not sure what time zone you're in, but hoping for good news!

I had told my boss I'd stay on through the middle of March to cover for one of my co-workers who is on military duty til then.  After that, maybe I'll dip a toe in by asking to go part time.  I'm a federal employee so it's relatively uncommon to be part-time (and usually is for people with medical reasons, though that's tradition, not law). 

[tj]

Originally I was going to take the rest of this week off, and then work the following week and give notice on Friday. I see no point in delaying the inevitable. I might as well set things in motion as early as possible on Monday rather than creating chaos or stress on a Friday afternoon.

@nexus did you give notice this morning?  Not sure what time zone you're in, but hoping for good news!

I had told my boss I'd stay on through the middle of March to cover for one of my co-workers who is on military duty til then.  After that, maybe I'll dip a toe in by asking to go part time.  I'm a federal employee so it's relatively uncommon to be part-time (and usually is for people with medical reasons, though that's tradition, not law).

I'm getting burned out on my federal job too. I should get my GS-11 in June, but do I care that much? Ahhh. I'm 3.5 years away from FI per the Mad Fientist Lab, so it seems like it makes sense to gut it out when I'm that close, but at the same time, why stick around if it's not fulfilling?

[nexus]

@RainyDay

Yesterday morning, I chickened out during my weekly meeting with my supervisor. They were just so happy and upbeat and excited that I was back from PTO that it felt like I'd be kicking a puppy.

I drafted a resignation email and sent it yesterday evening. I spoke with my supervisor this morning. They expressed their disappointment and asked the usual questions like whether I had something else lined up. I mentioned being a bit blindsided by not getting the promotion (again), having had three managers last year, and said it has been an ongoing thing. They asked if there was anything they could do to get me to stay, aside from more money (like, really??) -- and I said nope, I've pretty much made up my mind. My supervisor is new to their role so there's no much to really share or discuss.

I'll likely have a call with my supervisor's boss. I'll post an update if/when that happens.

I am relieved though. I finally got the ball rolling.

[tj]

@RainyDay

Yesterday morning, I chickened out during my weekly meeting with my supervisor. They were just so happy and upbeat and excited that I was back from PTO that it felt like I'd be kicking a puppy.

I drafted a resignation email and sent it yesterday evening. I spoke with my supervisor this morning. They expressed their disappointment and asked the usual questions like whether I had something else lined up. I mentioned being a bit blindsided by not getting the promotion (again), having had three managers last year, and said it has been an ongoing thing. They asked if there was anything they could do to get me to stay, aside from more money (like, really??) -- and I said nope, I've pretty much made up my mind. My supervisor is new to their role so there's no much to really share or discuss.

I'll likely have a call with my supervisor's boss. I'll post an update if/when that happens.

I am relieved though. I finally got the ball rolling.

Way to go!!! LoL @ the anything they can do besides more money. Why are you supposed to not be rewarded for your high quality work?

[LightStache]

I'll take a go...

1. What were your fears for leaving your job? That I wouldn't be able to get something as good -- i.e. salary, prestige, engagement -- in the future. Did anything (repeatedly) hold you back from leaving? Not the first time, but the second time I held back due to high comp that will be very hard to regain.
2. What fears did you have that were totally unwarranted and in retrospect illogical once you were on the other side? The first time I moved back to the US and bought a car that would be good for Uber. I seriously thought that I might not get a corporate job that would pay more than being an Uber driver. Ridiculous.
3. What fears were totally warranted or unknown that you wish you'd accounted for, in retrospect? The fear of leaving a steady paycheck is warranted because it's taking a big risk. I guarantee people do this and it goes badly, but we just don't hear from them as much. Even if there's an intermediate struggle, the story always has to end with success or it won't be told (i.e. selection/publication bias).
4. How did #2 or #3 affect you for better or for worse and would you have done anything differently? I went from $200K comp to $135K at my next job in Nov '16, eventually getting back up to $275K before leaving that one in Dec '22. The pay cut was for a much easier job but it didn't really make me any happier in the long run. That experience has been informative, but knowing what I do now, it would have been better to stay in my 2016 industry.
5. How’s it going now? Financially, by all measures, pretty good. My NW is up by >$500K since the end of 2016. I'm now on sabbatical for six months trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up ... for the fourth time. :D

[FLBiker]

PTF.

My department has recently been impacted by layoffs and more are coming.  We're nearly FI (~2 years by my calc) and definitely CoastFI on my wife's PT income (~$20K).  Thus, I'm just waiting to see what happens.  Today, my boss shared that he thinks he's on the list.  We suspect they'd want me to do his job in an interim capacity, which I'm not sure I'm interested in doing.  I'd probably give it a shot, though.

My salary is (and always has been) much lower than many on the thread -- I make ~$80K USD (as a business analyst).  Considering I majored in creative writing and got a masters in TESL, this is a better salary than I ever expected.  Plus, I now live in fairly rural Nova Scotia, and I'd be hard pressed to find a salary like that again.  At the same time, I don't need it: we have ~$1.2M USD invested, with expenses <$60K USD.  I've been toying with pulling the plug regardless, and it's starting to look like it will get pulled for me.  We shall see.

And I'm definitely going to read the Epic FU money thread for inspiration.

[nexus]

Update -
Spoke with my supervisor's boss and got more of the same "we're sorry to see you go, but totally understand. Is there anything we can do to get you to stay?"

I explained the burnout and impact on my mental health and well being after being strung along for 2+ years. He sympathized and apologized. I also mentioned I'm one of the only level 3 roles under our umbrella and I can't imagine that everybody at level 4 is more capable or better than me to which he replied it's more or less because I am younger (32) and everyone else has been around longer and is older. I pointed out two other guys on my team are under 40 and the only difference between us is they have kids (they're also really good at their jobs, but I digress...). I think this type of bullshit mentality is precisely why most people my age cannot afford to buy a home or end up needing roommates. It is really stupid gatekeeping. Who fucking cares how much I make as long as I get the job done well and make your lives easier?

They're trying to bait me into staying for a few more months, and not even offering me any money along the way. I think the best I heard was $5k followed by, "but I'm not even sure I could do that."

I saw an email from my supervisor come through to one of our business partners asking if a report I deliver is still necessary since they're facing capacity issues. I think they're now game planning to try and see how/if they can cover my workload. I'm sure they can. It is just going require overtime from the remaining folks and/or trying to offload my processes to an overseas team.

(mid post, supervisor is IMing me)...
"hey <supervisor's boss> said you guys had a chance to connect. Just wanted to circle back and see if you are still feeling you want to go... or if you were interested in staying a little longer. Happy to chat again also if you have any thoughts/concerns."

Me: "Yes I'd like to proceed with resigning."

"ok, I'll start the paperwork. Last day 2/28?"

"Yep, unless you think 3/2 would make a material difference. I've got PTO/something starting 3/3 anyway."

I'm wondering if they're still trying to figure out if I'm bluffing. No one has asked me how much it would cost to keep me. Maybe if I lied and said I had a job lined up for $130k they would have countered. Oh well, I don't want to work for them anyway ... but I did want to throw $150k out there just for giggles.

Oh well, at least the "paperwork" is getting set in motion.

[iluvzbeach]

One advantage to staying through 3/02 or 3/03 is that you’d remain covered by health insurance through 3/31 and could wait to begin (expensive) COBRA until 4/01. Just a thought.

[nexus]

@iluvzbeach
This is a great point, and that would be epic if they don’t decide to terminate me early. Through ACA we’re looking at about $480/mo for my spouse and I on a cheapy plan. I think I’m paying about $350 per month (every 2 paychecks) from my employer. But for sure, I’d rather save the $500ish for another month if possible.

[JupiterGreen]

Update -
Spoke with my supervisor's boss and got more of the same "we're sorry to see you go, but totally understand. Is there anything we can do to get you to stay?"

I explained the burnout and impact on my mental health and well being after being strung along for 2+ years. He sympathized and apologized. I also mentioned I'm one of the only level 3 roles under our umbrella and I can't imagine that everybody at level 4 is more capable or better than me to which he replied it's more or less because I am younger (32) and everyone else has been around longer and is older. I pointed out two other guys on my team are under 40 and the only difference between us is they have kids (they're also really good at their jobs, but I digress...). I think this type of bullshit mentality is precisely why most people my age cannot afford to buy a home or end up needing roommates. It is really stupid gatekeeping. Who fucking cares how much I make as long as I get the job done well and make your lives easier?

They're trying to bait me into staying for a few more months, and not even offering me any money along the way. I think the best I heard was $5k followed by, "but I'm not even sure I could do that."

I saw an email from my supervisor come through to one of our business partners asking if a report I deliver is still necessary since they're facing capacity issues. I think they're now game planning to try and see how/if they can cover my workload. I'm sure they can. It is just going require overtime from the remaining folks and/or trying to offload my processes to an overseas team.

(mid post, supervisor is IMing me)...
"hey <supervisor's boss> said you guys had a chance to connect. Just wanted to circle back and see if you are still feeling you want to go... or if you were interested in staying a little longer. Happy to chat again also if you have any thoughts/concerns."

Me: "Yes I'd like to proceed with resigning."

"ok, I'll start the paperwork. Last day 2/28?"

"Yep, unless you think 3/2 would make a material difference. I've got PTO/something starting 3/3 anyway."

I'm wondering if they're still trying to figure out if I'm bluffing. No one has asked me how much it would cost to keep me. Maybe if I lied and said I had a job lined up for $130k they would have countered. Oh well, I don't want to work for them anyway ... but I did want to throw $150k out there just for giggles.

Oh well, at least the "paperwork" is getting set in motion.

This is crazy and if the salary differences actually have to do with whether someone has children or not, wow that's straight up discrimination. Over the years, I've thought about telling my employer I have kids (share custody or some unusual arrangement) because I've also experienced lowkey discrimination for being childfree, nothing this egregious though (as far as I know) but certainly I've had to do more work and work at undesirable times because coworkers who have kids can't do them. I'm okay with a certain amount of this because it is difficult for parents and whatever, I'm a good coworker and "team player", but salary is definitely a hard line for me that I would fight.

[erp]

Update -
Spoke with my supervisor's boss and got more of the same "we're sorry to see you go, but totally understand. Is there anything we can do to get you to stay?"

I explained the burnout and impact on my mental health and well being after being strung along for 2+ years. He sympathized and apologized. I also mentioned I'm one of the only level 3 roles under our umbrella and I can't imagine that everybody at level 4 is more capable or better than me to which he replied it's more or less because I am younger (32) and everyone else has been around longer and is older. I pointed out two other guys on my team are under 40 and the only difference between us is they have kids (they're also really good at their jobs, but I digress...). I think this type of bullshit mentality is precisely why most people my age cannot afford to buy a home or end up needing roommates. It is really stupid gatekeeping. Who fucking cares how much I make as long as I get the job done well and make your lives easier?

...

It's been kind of interesting trying to pay attention to how people are compensated and how it's kind of, but not exactly, tied to age (especially in my field). As near as I can tell, as a younger engineer/specialist/technical person lots of companies will try to short-change you while you develop experience, and your best bet is to walk almost immediately if you're not getting what you want.

On the other hand, I've aged, a ton of my work has become more of a weird "social navigation of work" type thing - I'll do some math, but then a big part of my job is explaining what that math means, how people should feel about it and what actions do/don't make sense because of it. While I still do some "hard technical" work, a lot of my time is deciding what work actually matters, or how to square the impacts of that work with random people in far flung places, or just working within social systems. I'd argue that it seems important to companies that (at least some) people do this sort of thing, but it's much harder to point to as having an easy to quantify value. I know lots of my peers have also seen their roles evolve in this way, and I think it's at least weakly correlated with age.

I think companies have a sense that it's important to have people who can get things done and make sure systems touch the right points, but are pretty blind to how to actually find people who do that, so they tend to try and pay people based on age/seniority/etc. and it sometimes works? Business seems surprisingly inefficient at recognizing the things that help business run, and compensation sometimes reflects the fact that they're using bad metrics as a stand-in for actually desirable traits.

Anyways, none of this is directly relevant - congratulations leaving when they didn't hold up their end of the deal!

[nexus]

Thanks all for chiming in and providing support and insights. I am going to return to making updates in my journal, so feel free to poke around there. I still want this thread to be a space for other folks to share their success stories or pop in for support. I'll likely post one more update on this thread shortly after my last day at work.

For now my focus has shifted to offloading my reporting, and trying to do it in the best faith possible. I told all my coworkers my salary and bonus numbers. I hope they can use that as leverage since they're going to be spread so thin. My team is in for a long couple of months until they can hire a replacement and get them up to speed.

In some good-ish news I received an email today from Indeed about an analytic manager role. I don't know how common that is (and it is the first one I've ever received), but the email said "We saw your profile on Indeed and think you would be a great match for <role>. Please submit a quick application if you have any interest." So I did.

I'm not sure if I want to jump right back into something, especially if it has to be as a manager -- but I'll certainly give it a shot since the pay range is $130k - $145k.

PS's)
@JupiterGreen - it totally is, or at least the way they phrased it made it sound super sketchy; and, I sorta wish I had recorded the call, but I did not. I'm not going to pursue anything. I'm doing my best to leave on good terms and I don't want to waste anymore of my energy or focus on them than I have to.

@erp I can only hope that this will change, or I can find a company with a younger corporate culture and not a bunch of people 10+ years my senior. For that reason, I kind of wouldn't mind trying my hand at a manager role. I'd push for my reports to earn as much as possible rather than gate-keep or keep people down because I wasn't at their level/ability when I was their age. I'd be willing to pay what the job is worth in order to retain folks. I'm sure it wouldn't be as easy as that, but a guy can dream...

[TomTX]

@Metalcat

Being without water and unable to get any must be really rough. If I may make a suggestion - keep a backup bottle of water near you for a situation like this.

[Metalcat]

@Metalcat

Being without water and unable to get any must be really rough. If I may make a suggestion - keep a backup bottle of water near you for a situation like this.

Lol, yes, I now keep more water by the bed if DH leaves the house. It only happened once because we both thought 2L would be enough to get through being alone for 5 hours, but underestimated just how thirsty the opioids made me.

That really wasn't the point though. It just happened to be an example in that very moment where losing physical function can be so devastating, so no one should ever feel vain for caring about their physical health.

Losing function is a huge fucking pain in the ass. People should be a hell of a lot more focused on preventing that.

Right about now I would happily kick anyone in the shins who is neglecting their health for the sake of some job that they don't strictly need. Except, I CAN'T kick anyone in the shins because I've lost that function.

So I'll just yell at strangers on the internet instead until I regain my ability to kick people in the shins.

[youngwildandfree]

@Metalcat

Being without water and unable to get any must be really rough. If I may make a suggestion - keep a backup bottle of water near you for a situation like this.

Lol, yes, I now keep more water by the bed if DH leaves the house. It only happened once because we both thought 2L would be enough to get through being alone for 5 hours, but underestimated just how thirsty the opioids made me.

That really wasn't the point though. It just happened to be an example in that very moment where losing physical function can be so devastating, so no one should ever feel vain for caring about their physical health.

Losing function is a huge fucking pain in the ass. People should be a hell of a lot more focused on preventing that.

Right about now I would happily kick anyone in the shins who is neglecting their health for the sake of some job that they don't strictly need. Except, I CAN'T kick anyone in the shins because I've lost that function.

So I'll just yell at strangers on the internet instead until I regain my ability to kick people in the shins.

Thanks for this reminder! I love my job currently, but don't strictly need it, and I DO need to move/exercise more. Someone once told me "exercise is one of the only things you truly can't delegate or outsource".

[Metalcat]

Thanks for this reminder! I love my job currently, but don't strictly need it, and I DO need to move/exercise more. Someone once told me "exercise is one of the only things you truly can't delegate or outsource".

It's truly insane to me how okay our culture is with trading away physical function for "success." It's disturbing, especially to me because I did it to myself.

[eyesonthehorizon]

PTF!

[Dicey]

Metalcat, I am officially your fan, so thank you.

Welcome to the club, I'll DM you a link where you can buy official merch :P

Goddammit, this made me laugh. I think from now on I should stop wasting time posting my own blather and spend all my time following you around the forum, so I can read your stuff in real time. I'm experiencing the joy of self-induced insomnia tonight and have stumbled on some incredible posts from you. You make this place...a better place. Henceforth, whatever your name morphs into, to me you will be " The Divine Miss M". Thank you.

[TomTX]

Metalcat, I am officially your fan, so thank you.

Welcome to the club, I'll DM you a link where you can buy official merch :P

Goddammit, this made me laugh. I think from now on I should stop wasting time posting my own blather and spend all my time following you around the forum, so I can read your stuff in real time. I'm experiencing the joy of self-induced insomnia tonight and have stumbled on some incredible posts from you. You make this place...a better place. Henceforth, whatever your name morphs into, to me you will be " The Divine Miss M". Thank you.

Hmnmmmm.... Metalcat or Metalcat?

https://metalinjection.net/around-the-interwebs/metal-archives-has-replaced-every-band-photo-with-a-cat-photo
https://www.amazon.com/URATOT-Statues-Silhouette-Decorative-Ornaments/dp/B08RSBVK8F

[Metalcat]

Metalcat, I am officially your fan, so thank you.

Welcome to the club, I'll DM you a link where you can buy official merch :P

Goddammit, this made me laugh. I think from now on I should stop wasting time posting my own blather and spend all my time following you around the forum, so I can read your stuff in real time. I'm experiencing the joy of self-induced insomnia tonight and have stumbled on some incredible posts from you. You make this place...a better place. Henceforth, whatever your name morphs into, to me you will be " The Divine Miss M". Thank you.

Hmnmmmm.... Metalcat or Metalcat?

https://metalinjection.net/around-the-interwebs/metal-archives-has-replaced-every-band-photo-with-a-cat-photo
https://www.amazon.com/URATOT-Statues-Silhouette-Decorative-Ornaments/dp/B08RSBVK8F

That is fucking awesome

[TomTX]

:D

[rachael talcott]

I quit about 6 years ago with $850K net worth, now a little over a million. Quitting was the best life decision I have ever made. 

The ability to let my body sleep as much as it wants, when it wants was life changing. 

It took about two years for the stress to wear off. 

Don't feel bad prioritizing your heath over your job.  Health is way more important than having a plush retirement.  If you have enough to get by, and are burned out, go ahead and quit. It's a no brainer.

[TreeLeaf]

I quit my last job about 6.5 years ago.

Oddly enough I was worried I would never be able to find another software development job again, a completely illogical anxiety.

In two weeks I had three new job offers from the first three companies I interviewed at.

Turns out my fears were completely unfounded...like most of my fears.