What turns you off about other people?

[Retireatee1]

The sound of clipping fingernails drives me absolutely batshit crazy.

Yeah what is with "that guy" who does that at work?  There's always a "that guy".

[Metalcat]

Emotional people, particularly people who make bad decisions based on emotions. INTJ master race, woot.

This one's always annoyed me. Like I literally am incapable of putting myself on their shoes thought process wise, I don't think I've ever had an emotional based decision. Can't comprehend it. 

Unfortunately as a man seeking to date women - it seems the tables lean towards the emotional decision realm more so than not.

Given that you mention dating, isn't that basically an emotional decision?  Or do you simply evaluate a woman's fertility and/or earning potential, or perhaps how well she cooks and cleans (depending on what you value) and then date based only on that?

What did you eat for dinner?  Unless it was the cheapest per calorie food and perhaps a vitamin, wasn't that an emotional decision?

What color is your shirt?  Why did you purchase that color?

Do you ever call your mom another relative to talk to them about your life or theirs?

I realize you were trying to make a point however -
Dating - yes I would screen on the above criteria first before considering other factors if that information were readily available and socially acceptable to do so, unfortunately it usually isn't.

Dinner - I eat the same things on a 2 week rotation because I've found this to be most effective for my time input / nutrition.

My clothes - Purchased in xyz brand / color cause that's what was in the 80% off rack when I needed a different size.

I do call my mom though.

I realize the Meyers Briggs thing is considered hogwash around here, but I can spot the "SF" people from a far distance and absolutely do not understand their emotional decision making and how xyz conclusion was arrived at.

I'm sorry to nitpick, but all of the above stands out to me as distinctly emotionally driven behaviours.

You just have a strong emotional drive for consistency and efficiency.

I get that you are saying that your emotional drives are different from many other people's and therefore you have difficulty understanding them, but this doesn't mean that you are not emotionally driven, you are just different, so it's more of a challenge for you to find someone emotionally compatible who can meet your emotional needs.

That's cool, I'm all for being picky about who you date.

[KarefulKactus15]

I deleted my original post after like 3 minutes, but I see it was quoted already.

I haven't studied the field of psychology so I don't really know.

But it seems there would be no way to dis prove or  counter argue your position.   If every logical decision comes back to "You make emotional decisions to pursue logic and efficiency" or a variation of that.

[Adventine]

Let's get back to the fun stuff!

I am turned off by social media posts where people show off any of the following:
 
- expensive athleisure shoes (think those Nike shoes in neon highlighter colors)

- passports/plane tickets/hard to obtain
visas (US, Canada, Schengen etc).

- #too #many #fucking #hastags

[Jenny Wren]

Those that deny other's experiences and think they have all the solutions. This applies to the "bootstrappers" that refuse to see the systematic causes of poverty to those that deny racism, homophobia, and sexism because they haven't personally experienced it. I find these people more distasteful and damaging to society than actual bigots.

Gum chewers. I can't be in the room with someone popping their gum, plus I've scraped way too much gum off my shoes to see it as a harmless habit ;)

Litterers. Hate 'em. 

People that use a speaker instead of earbuds when hiking in the woods. No one wants to hear your crap music, and trust me, you aren't blasting it to "scare off bears," but to be an arse.

Climate change deniers, science deniers, nationalists that parade fascism as patriotism and the people that fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

[Rusted Rose]

do you simply evaluate a woman's fertility and/or earning potential, or perhaps how well she cooks and cleans

That would sure turn ME off. I'm not some jerk's frickin' live-in housekeeper.

How about how well HE cooks and cleans?

[mistymoney]

People who define themselves as "empaths."  They seem to think they feel things more deeply than the rest of us; they apparently have special feeling abilities.  I find them to just be more self-absorbed (which is almost the opposite of empathetic).

A lot of times these people get the definition of empathy wrong. True empathy is the ability to set aside your own feelings and say/do things that will actually help the person. Sympathy is feeling what they feel, empathy is acknowledging what they feel and then actually doing something constructive. A good analogy is throwing a rope to a drowning person vs jumping in the water with them.

I think it's you who are getting this wrong. sympathy is understanding their feelings, empathy is feeling their feeling. Hence - sympathy cards.

[Villanelle]

"screening first" based on those criteria is much different than only screening based on those criteria and then marrying (if that's something you want, which in and of itself is an emotional desire) the first woman to meet them.  The latter would be a non-emotional decision. The former implies that while you want someone who meets certain practical requirements (which is a very sensible thing to do), you probably also want someone you like.  That, my friend, is an emotional decision. 

[Villanelle]

"screening first" based on those criteria is much different than only screening based on those criteria and then marrying (if that's something you want, which in and of itself is an emotional desire) the first woman to meet them.  The latter would be a non-emotional decision. The former implies that while you want someone who meets certain practical requirements (which is a very sensible thing to do), you probably also want someone you like.  That, my friend, is an emotional decision. 

do you simply evaluate a woman's fertility and/or earning potential, or perhaps how well she cooks and cleans

That would sure turn ME off. I'm not some jerk's frickin' live-in housekeeper.

How about how well HE cooks and cleans?

Oh, it would turn me off as well.  I'd have a very "emotional" reaction to that.  I was simply listing the types of non-emotional things the OP might be looking for.  But that's why I included the part you edited out--"Depending on what you value". 

[Metalcat]

I deleted my original post after like 3 minutes, but I see it was quoted already.

I haven't studied the field of psychology so I don't really know.

But it seems there would be no way to dis prove or  counter argue your position.   If every logical decision comes back to "You make emotional decisions to pursue logic and efficiency" or a variation of that.

That's because I'm not arguing against how you feel about people, I'm reframing the reaction you are describing.

I'm in no way invalidating your lived experience.

[Morning Glory]

People who define themselves as "empaths."  They seem to think they feel things more deeply than the rest of us; they apparently have special feeling abilities.  I find them to just be more self-absorbed (which is almost the opposite of empathetic).

A lot of times these people get the definition of empathy wrong. True empathy is the ability to set aside your own feelings and say/do things that will actually help the person. Sympathy is feeling what they feel, empathy is acknowledging what they feel and then actually doing something constructive. A good analogy is throwing a rope to a drowning person vs jumping in the water with them.

I think it's you who are getting this wrong. sympathy is understanding their feelings, empathy is feeling their feeling. Hence - sympathy cards.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference

Webster's dictionary says I was right

[TartanTallulah]

Wisecracking. Not funny, not clever, just makes me cross the street to avoid having a conversation with the perpetrator.
People who are always bigging themselves up or who take delight in telling stories in which they get one over on someone else.
Drama-seeking behaviour, especially attempts to pull me into the drama. I've left workplaces rather than have to cope with being around a colleague who thrives on emotional outbursts and stirring up chaos.
Deeply held views in support of discrimination against any group on the basis of age, sex, race etc.
Perfect mannequin-like personal grooming repels me, but I try to look past this because I know I'm making an unfair instinctive judgment.

[Metalcat]

People who leave little winky smiley faces in all their posts on a forum to show they are just joking. I mean really?! Just die already ;-)!

I use the winky smile a lot...

[mistymoney]

People who define themselves as "empaths."  They seem to think they feel things more deeply than the rest of us; they apparently have special feeling abilities.  I find them to just be more self-absorbed (which is almost the opposite of empathetic).

A lot of times these people get the definition of empathy wrong. True empathy is the ability to set aside your own feelings and say/do things that will actually help the person. Sympathy is feeling what they feel, empathy is acknowledging what they feel and then actually doing something constructive. A good analogy is throwing a rope to a drowning person vs jumping in the water with them.

I think it's you who are getting this wrong. sympathy is understanding their feelings, empathy is feeling their feeling. Hence - sympathy cards.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference

Webster's dictionary says I was right

In 1909, the psychologist Edward Titchener translated the German Einfühlung (‘feeling into’) into English as ‘empathy’. Empathy can be defined as a person’s ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person, fictional character, or sentient being. It involves, first, seeing someone else’s situation from his perspective, and, second, sharing his emotions, including, if any, his distress.



Sympathy (‘fellow feeling’, ‘community of feeling’) is a feeling of care and concern for someone, often someone close, accompanied by a wish to see him better off or happier. Compared to pity, sympathy implies a greater sense of shared similarities together with a more profound personal engagement. However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions, and while the facial expressions of sympathy do convey caring and concern, they do not convey shared distress.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy

[Sandi_k]

Whiners.

People who have a problem, are offered to be part of the solution, and choose not to be.

Yes! Can’t stand people who complain and say something should change, but then don’t do anything to try to change the situation and whenever you offer a solution, they tell you why it won’t work.

Yes. My BIL to a "T". We call this "being an askhole."

DH and I now just "uh huh, uh huh" when he talks.

[Sandi_k]

I won't make a list, 'cause long. But the one getting me right now:

- People who refuse to mask up, even around elderly relatives.

- People who can never admit they were wrong - and if they were wrong, they never admit it, they just blame it one someone else instead.

[Morning Glory]

People who define themselves as "empaths."  They seem to think they feel things more deeply than the rest of us; they apparently have special feeling abilities.  I find them to just be more self-absorbed (which is almost the opposite of empathetic).

A lot of times these people get the definition of empathy wrong. True empathy is the ability to set aside your own feelings and say/do things that will actually help the person. Sympathy is feeling what they feel, empathy is acknowledging what they feel and then actually doing something constructive. A good analogy is throwing a rope to a drowning person vs jumping in the water with them.

I think it's you who are getting this wrong. sympathy is understanding their feelings, empathy is feeling their feeling. Hence - sympathy cards.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sympathy-empathy-difference

Webster's dictionary says I was right

In 1909, the psychologist Edward Titchener translated the German Einfühlung (‘feeling into’) into English as ‘empathy’. Empathy can be defined as a person’s ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person, fictional character, or sentient being. It involves, first, seeing someone else’s situation from his perspective, and, second, sharing his emotions, including, if any, his distress.



Sympathy (‘fellow feeling’, ‘community of feeling’) is a feeling of care and concern for someone, often someone close, accompanied by a wish to see him better off or happier. Compared to pity, sympathy implies a greater sense of shared similarities together with a more profound personal engagement. However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions, and while the facial expressions of sympathy do convey caring and concern, they do not convey shared distress.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy

We are arguing about semantics. Seems like various disciplines use the terms differently, and sometimes interchangeably. My original post was based on an empathetic communication course that I took for work. What I was describing is called "cognitive empathy" and what you are describing is called "affective empathy". I found an article that describes different usages of the term in the literature.  Fun rabbit hole. Thanks.

"Cognitive empathy is the ability to identify and understand another person's feelings and perspective from an objective stance. This cognitive requirement differentiates empathy from sympathy and compassion. Cognitive empathy hs been described as ‘detached concern’ or the ability of one individual to understand the experiences of another without evoking a personal emotional response. Cognitive empathy has been conceptualised as an active skill that is acquired and is amenable to nurturing."

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/0141076816680120

[mistymoney]

My perspective on sympathy/empathy does come clinical work. A profession I did not continue with.

[KarefulKactus15]

Those that deny other's experiences and think they have all the solutions. This applies to the "bootstrappers" that refuse to see the systematic causes of poverty to those that deny racism, homophobia, and sexism because they haven't personally experienced it. I find these people more distasteful and damaging to society than actual bigots.

Gum chewers. I can't be in the room with someone popping their gum, plus I've scraped way too much gum off my shoes to see it as a harmless habit ;)

Litterers. Hate 'em. 

People that use a speaker instead of earbuds when hiking in the woods. No one wants to hear your crap music, and trust me, you aren't blasting it to "scare off bears," but to be an arse.

Climate change deniers, science deniers, nationalists that parade fascism as patriotism and the people that fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

The poverty issue and climate change issue are both frustrating to me. 

For climate change - The first place I always send critics is Exxon Mobil - https://corporate.exxonmobil.com/Energy-and-environment/Environmental-protection/Climate-change

They have been studying the issue for over 40 years and have tons of published / supporting information and a risk management department dedicated to "climate risk"  - If ANYONE had the financial incentive to come out and say and remotely prove it isnt real... It would.. ExxonMobil.   Instead they say and support the opposite that it greenhouse gasses are a real problem.

For Poverty - I read a nifty little book -https://www.amazon.com/Framework-Understanding-Poverty-4th/dp/1929229488  -  Very enlightening and I try to help people with their ignorance on the issue.

Stuck in poverty does NOT = bad life choices. There's so much more to it.

[ctuser1]

Maybe I am nitpicking on semantics below, but y'all sure are a judgmental lot!

I'm often p*ssed off with individuals, close and distant, for a variety of reasons. Just yesterday a jacka*s flipped me on the road because I was patiently blocking an intersection to let someone cross. I was sure p*ssed off!

But "turned off" sounds far more permanent to me. If I came face to face with that said jacka*s, I'm sure there may be a bit of an interesting conversation, but I sure won't hold any grudge.

I generally try very very very hard not to get "turned off" people.

[Freedomin5]

I bumped into an acquaintance a few days ago and was reminded that I’m turned off by people who say nice things to your face but then slander you behind your back.

[DeltaBond]

If I get a non-response from them in regards to making plans.  That's the rudest way to tell someone you just aren't interested.

If someone texts me back and only says "DRIVING".... I typically don't text them again, or initiate conversation.

Now, I'm not hateful to people after these things happen, I just throttle back on any assumptions of lasting friendship.

[MustacheAnxiety]

People who kiss up and kick down. It's a big turnoff to see anyone yell at their admin/secretary. But when the same person consistently sucks up to the boss/partner/client it is the full confirmation that I am dealing with a bad person not a general jerk or an emotional person.

Anyone smelly: smokers, perfume/cologne I can smell at 5 feet, BO.

Anyone who believes a person can be generally categorized by political affiliation or who they voted for. I am a judge mcjudgerson, but even I figured out people are more complex than that.

Flakes for sure and people who don't care to make plans or RSVP ever or only at the last minute. Always being a maybe is not the way to avoid being a flake. It just makes me feel like they are waiting for something better to come along.

Anti-vaxxers, mostly because I have to expend all my self control not to be rude/mean. This is basically my hypocritical equivalent of feeling someone is stupid/ignorant/bad at math for voting for Biden/Trump. I'm working on it.

Thanks for the question! Very cathartic and interesting to see if I am bugging other mustachians inadvertently.