Its a mess, but we are currently waiting for the gov to send over P2's military records so we can apply for VA benefits.
@LongtimeLurker, if you haven’t already talked with your
local VA office, please contact the VA in your area. The best person to talk with would be a Veteran Services Officer,
https://www.benefits.va.gov/vso/but if there’s nobody local to you then you can start by calling the VA (800-698-2411) or your county/state elder services office.
I’m suggesting local help because the VA is just one resource of a bunch of other state & federal programs that can be stitched together for eldercare. Your community will be able to help you navigate the VA’s benefits along with Medicare and other initiatives.
As you’ve probably found from search engines about the VA, you’d start by applying for Aid & Attendance:
https://www.va.gov/pension/aid-attendance-housebound/And yes they’ll need to see a DD-214, but that’s the only military piece of paper you’ll need to get started. Then they’ll want financial documents.
While you’re waiting on the National Archives, if your parent is living in America then it might also help to go through their files or to contact your county recorder’s office. With older vets, about 30 years ago it was popular to record a DD-214 with the county to ensure that you’d always be able to get a copy from the recorder’s office. This practice died out a couple of decades ago over concerns about ID theft but there are still hundreds of thousands of DD-214s on public record.
You’ll also be asked whether you want to have a VA caregiver visit your parent at their home instead of your parent going to a care facility. Personally, my father did a lot better in a care facility where he immediately became more social-- and where skilled medical personnel were already on site. Nobody would have diagnosed his chronic depression if he’d stayed in his home.
While you’re sorting out the care services, you can also see whether your parent qualifies for a VA pension. This is not a military pension (from the Dept of Defense) but rather a needs-based stipend (from the VA) for some wartime vets:
https://www.va.gov/pension/The “pension” word causes a ton of confusion among vets & families, and you’ll want to carefully parse the eligibility requirements at that link.
Note that there’s also a VA Survivors Pension mentioned at that link, but again it’s needs-based.
Finally, some states have VA-supported veterans homes:
https://www.va.gov/GERIATRICS/pages/State_Veterans_Homes.aspThey seem like a great deal but if they’re not near you (or your siblings) then you’d have to carefully consider the family commuting burden for visits or other help.
While you’re talking with your local elder services office, you could ask for a referral to a geriatric care manager who’s in business near your parents’ location. It’s probably a paid consultant (or possibly subsidized) who’ll guide you through the labyrinth of resources in your parents' ZIP code. It’s very much worth paying a few hundred dollars for a few hours of their time-- both for your parents and for you.
It’s not just for veteran’s benefits or financial support but also to help you find a good care facility, see what assistance P2 needs around the house, and find the caregiver support that you’re going to need to get through the legal requirements to assist with your parents’ finances & home. I’m going to speculate that you’ll start with a Durable Power of Attorney to be able to care for either or both of your parents whether they’re perfectly cognizant or if they become incapacitated.
Please let me know if you have more questions. Caregiver stress is real. When my father started his Alzheimer's journey in 2008, he had never even arranged a power of attorney and he declined all offers of help. He kept telling my brother and me "No thanks, boys, I'm fine!"... until he wasn't. When he could no longer live alone, I spent over six years managing his care & finances-- with no prior knowledge of any of his accounts or investments.
