The Money Mustache Community
Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: AH013 on May 21, 2014, 10:38:02 AM
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Coworker of mine put down a deposit on a $90k wedding about 4 months back (didn't realize it was a $90k wedding until now). They have no savings, spend more than they earn every year, and are both in debt to their parents to the tunes of tens of thousands (cars, multiple apartment 1st/last/security, CC debt).
The kicker is they -- WITHOUT DISCUSSING THEIR EXPECTED WEDDING EXPENSES -- booked a $90k wedding and went to both of their parents after all the non-refundable deposits were done to explain it was going to be dutch -- the bride & groom will pay (aka put on some credit cards) $30k, the groom's parents will pay $30k, and the bride's parents will pay $30k. And told them both "this will make it fair for all of us".
Needless to say both sets of parents blew a gasket. From CW, originally they went to them and said they were expecting them to contribute $30k to the wedding, to which they each basically replied along the lines of "I'm not paying for the whole wedding. You need to chip in and ask the other parents to help as well", at which point they then found out SURPRISE THEY ALREADY ARE! That's when the holy shits came out about WTF are they having a $90k wedding when they can't rub two benjamins together.
I asked CW point blank "You have $30k for the wedding?" to which he said no, but he's going to take about a loan from his 401k for about 15k (they both don't contribute....employers provide a profit share amount regardless of contributions), put another 15k on credit cards, and then "pay it all off with the cash we get from wedding gifts". Approximately 150 guests, so basically adding a "Bring $200 for entry" flyer in the invitations. Buuuuuut they also have a gift registry full of ridiculously expensive stuff (no items under $150). If they're lucky, additional CC debt may be paid off when the dust settles, favorable odds the 401k loan defaults.
Both sets of parents are retired in the late sixties. CW and bride to be are in late 30s. Bride & groom throwing a tantrum and saying neither set is invited unless they get on board with helping pay "their fair share" of the wedding expenses. Parents are ripshit that they each expect another $30k even with all the outstanding "loans" (wonder when they will realize these were "gifts" in CW's mind). Wondering if CW will still be cordial with me when he opens my wedding gift (never have given more than $75 for a coworker's wedding I've attended, and each time I've been excessively thanked...not planning on tripling that amount for ass-clown CW)
Office pool is that the marriage fails well before the Tiffany's credit card ($15k engagement ring @ 18%) is paid off.
Laughs abound all around. I'm at least anxious to see what a $90k wedding looks like....mine was under $10k and people said it was a blast.
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The CW and his intended have to be some of the most self-important, entitled morons... wow.
I hope the parents on both sides realize this is a clue-by-four smack upside their heads about how stupid their offspring are, and cut them off.
Again, just blown away at the idea that they should even be spending a few thousand, let alone 90K, on a wedding when they're that strapped and in debt.
Hey, instead of getting them anything like you normally would, how about purchasing a few finance books, like "Your Money Or Your Life" as your wedding gift?
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The sad part is that the CW and his wife will likely go back to the parents for $$ to pay for the divorce.
But this story makes me wonder what they are planning for the honeymoon. Hard to believe that they are going to settle for a long weekend someplace nearby. With a $90k wedding, it seems like only a trip to Fiji or something like that would be acceptable.
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A $90k wedding for only 150 people? Man, I wish I was invited. That must be some kind of party! I have no idea what you would have at a wedding that would cost that much. I could see if you were some Hollywood superstar having a reception for 4,000 people or something. But sheesh. That's plain old crazy.
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Hmm. 90k for 150 people . . . that means you can have a really really nice wedding, and then send each person home with 550$ cash!
I think it's ballsy to ask the parents to pay for the wedding at all. We sure didn't.
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$90k on a wedding? Incredible.
We did our wedding on the cheap and put our money (with added cash from wedding gift money) toward a house instead. Hmm, I wonder which option results in financial stability and a bright future and which will result in a disintegrated relationship.
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Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending
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So is this pay bak for how the parents raised them? Entitled much??
That is so crazy, I can hardly even pick my jaw up off the floor. If you go take lots of pictures and post them. Why would it cost that much? is everything coated in gold? gross That is $600 per guest.
I have never given $200 for a wedding gift, call me crazy or cheap I don't care, but you shouldn't throw a wedding hoping the cash gifts will pay it off.
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$90k wedding? I guess if I had a solid gold dress and solid gold undergarments. But then I'd constantly be doing the pinky to mouth thing and would annoy the guests.
Depending on how blunt you want to be, some of those fake dog poos might be the best wedding gift.
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Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending
Ha! Yes, each declined invitation is worth $600!
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Wouldn't it be great if the parents got together and had a great dinner at a great restaurant for a couple hundred and didn't go to the wedding? Maybe the CW would figure out what's wrong with their plan.
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Wow, what a terrible situation - your CW seems like a clueless/selfish person.
On a related note, I've actually attended a 90K-ish wedding (of family of my fiance - the bride's family wanted to give her the 'big amazing wedding she deserves', but they also very very much could afford it). Honestly? It was nice. It had expensive stuff, but also it was still a wedding. So it wasn't that different from the other weddings I've been to.
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Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending
I would, but know damned well if I checked the decline box on the RSVP he'd tell me where I can send my gift.
I figure if I have to dole out $75 and still be disliked I'm damn well going to eat what I can only assume are cheeses imported from France the day of the wedding, beluga caviar, some fine cut of kobe beef alongside a lobster while I down some Dom Perignon and finish off my meal with a cake made by Duff Goldman himself while I listen to the musical stylings of Billy Joel performing live...or maybe I'm overestimating how difficult it is to squander $90k or $600pp on a 1 day event?
The thing that shocks me the most isn't the price tag. It's the unabashed expectation that the parents each contribute $30k. Like "My fiancee and I have discussed it, and we think the fairest thing is to spend $30k of your money on an event for me." As if $30k is some drop in the bucket, it's like going to buy a soda and asking a friend to give you $1 because you left your wallet in the car, that it doesn't even require asking if $30k is even something they can afford since they aren't earning any more money in retirement. And they aren't even asking for input -- on the budget or otherwise -- about the wedding. It is just one of those, "let me know when your check is ready and I'll decide how I'll spend it" deals.
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I hope both sets of parents say "NO." That is so ridiculous!!
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maybe I'm overestimating how difficult it is to squander $90k or $600pp on a 1 day event?
Ha, possibly:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k
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On a smaller scale, my sister once left a note on my dad's dresser, saying she needed $10k for her wedding by the end of the week. She and the fiancee were moving to Oregon, and she wanted the agreed-upon cash up-front. (She was in her late 20s at the time, fiancee was in mid-to-late 30s.) She and he made the move, frittered away the cash on this and that, and 4 weeks later she was back home after the arguing started, broke, and mysteriously unmarried. No discussion of her having to pay Mom and Dad back.
Other sister got two paid-for weddings and two paid-for divorces. She and her current husband eloped for #3, so that didn't cost mom and dad, though they were nicked for $10k to pay for an IRS audit for that sister and husband #3.
At various times Dad told me that he felt bad that he gave my sisters so much more support than I had ever received. I told him not to sweat it, I was pretty self-sufficient. He insisted that at some point he and Mom would do something really big for me. I told him it really wasn't necessary, and I guess he eventually concluded after all that it wasn't, since I never heard anything more about it. Still, I am glad that I could give them the relief of having one kid who isn't a financial trainwreck.
Weddings and last wills and testaments both seem to bring out the worst in families.
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I too am wondering what in the world they are buying for $90K!
Also, I can't believe the audacity to demand money from both sets of parents like that!
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I would backhand my son/daughter if they showed up and told me "Oh, by the way, you're paying 30k for YOUR SHARE of the wedding."
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AH103 - just where in the country is this? It would certainly help provide some insight to the 'tude of the parties.
For example, I could see this happening in New York or LA, but never in Ok City or the west coast Portland.
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AH103 - just where in the country is this? It would certainly help provide some insight to the 'tude of the parties.
For example, I could see this happening in New York or LA, but never in Ok City or the west coast Portland.
I don't expect CW will read this blog, but would like to maintain at least a little allure of anonymity.
But I will say, the wedding is in Maine...so...you know...you could have your wedding in a nice place in Maine for $90k....and then own the venue outright when you're done.
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I would probably end up killing my parents if I came to them saying that their fair share of a wedding is $30k. You know, from them not being able to breathe from laughing at me so hard. Was wedding by inheritance the coworker's plan?
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90k doesnt seem that much to me. We had our Taiwan wedding for about that much.
...oh wait, is that US dollars? Holy Shit! My friend just had a wedding in Spain, flew all of the wedding party there, put them up in hotels for a week and then traveled around europe for a few more weeks and from what I have hear it was less than 90k.
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I have 4 boys ranging in age from 17 to 23, so we're getting to that age. If they came to me and told me I had to fork out $30k for their wedding otherwise I wouldn't be invited, my response would be "have a nice wedding day".
Although that's hypothetical, given that they'd never ask me in the first place.
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This is a story very deserving of a spot on the wall of shame and comedy!
Wow, what a terrible situation - your CW seems like a clueless/selfish person.
On a related note, I've actually attended a 90K-ish wedding (of family of my fiance - the bride's family wanted to give her the 'big amazing wedding she deserves', but they also very very much could afford it). Honestly? It was nice. It had expensive stuff, but also it was still a wedding. So it wasn't that different from the other weddings I've been to.
I have also been to a couple $90k+ weddings (or at least ones that I presumed were...?). Both times thrown by wealthy people so not this same level of craziness as the OP. And yes, both were very nice, in high-end locations with lots of wonderful food (and presumably alcohol was good too though I didn't have any of that). But, beyond that, nothing especially amazing or mind-blowing. It sounds like the CW might not have the best "taste" though, so maybe this $90k wedding would really be something off the wall!
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LOL. Our wedding was 4000 USD, and much of that was flowers for the venue...
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Our wedding cost the price of two rings and the recording fee. Under $400. The best man and I took turns with the camera. Posted the photos on Facebook and had kind words from around globe. Everyone is happy. The best part is filing taxes jointly which means the wedding will actually pay for itself, year after year...
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Interesting sidebar: Yesterday my (high school) students were reading a short story about a couple who became engaged and set their wedding date for a week later.
Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week! It's just not possible! I mean, all those things you have to get together!" I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised: A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception. This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married: A blood test and a marriage license from city hall. Probably $100 would do it today. They were SHOCKED.
I should note that this was in an at-risk class. These kids come from homes with single mothers, never-married parents, and most of them have never been involved with a wedding. They thought being married LEGALLY HAD TO involve thousands of dollars and floral bouquets. They just don't know things. They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall. Then we talked about the pros vs. cons of being married -- and how it's about stability and commitment, not just emotion and love. And we talked about legalities. It may not have had anything to do with my state curriculum, but those kids now know a few things about the world that they didn't know before -- and it was all so far out of their realm of understanding that they went to google to check my facts!
Things these kids don't know is terrible-sad. I'm remembering a year or so ago that one of my girls was crying because she was pregnant and "her baby daddy wouldn't help her". I pointed out to her that this wasn't his choice -- that he couldn't walk away from his responsibilities, that she could have his wages garnished, and though he could choose to be unpleasant, the law would help her. She genuinely didn't know. She thought he could say, "Sorry", and walk away.
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Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending
Ha! Yes, each declined invitation is worth $600!
Not always, we have friends booking a wedding with a MINIMUM headcount of 150 but only inviting approx 100. The are basically paying for empty seats. This is for a 50k wedding venue. Maybe the 90k includes dress, etc?
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Interesting sidebar: Yesterday my (high school) students were reading a short story about a couple who became engaged and set their wedding date for a week later.
Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week! It's just not possible! I mean, all those things you have to get together!" I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised: A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception. This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married: A blood test and a marriage license from city hall. Probably $100 would do it today. They were SHOCKED.
I should note that this was in an at-risk class. These kids come from homes with single mothers, never-married parents, and most of them have never been involved with a wedding. They thought being married LEGALLY HAD TO involve thousands of dollars and floral bouquets. They just don't know things. They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall. Then we talked about the pros vs. cons of being married -- and how it's about stability and commitment, not just emotion and love. And we talked about legalities. It may not have had anything to do with my state curriculum, but those kids now know a few things about the world that they didn't know before -- and it was all so far out of their realm of understanding that they went to google to check my facts!
Things these kids don't know is terrible-sad. I'm remembering a year or so ago that one of my girls was crying because she was pregnant and "her baby daddy wouldn't help her". I pointed out to her that this wasn't his choice -- that he couldn't walk away from his responsibilities, that she could have his wages garnished, and though he could choose to be unpleasant, the law would help her. She genuinely didn't know. She thought he could say, "Sorry", and walk away.
Holy crap...some of the things we take for granted eh?
Thanks for taking the time to talk to these kids about "non-curriculum" stuff...sounds like they really need it
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But I will say, the wedding is in Maine...so...you know...you could have your wedding in a nice place in Maine for $90k....and then own the venue outright when you're done.
Wait Maine!! Ok, if I think real hard I might be able to come up with something to be that expensive. Ocean Gateway, Saturday night in July, some fancy resturant catering. Geesh! All I can say isth e guests must be 'from away' - I sure don't have a fleece good enough to wear to that kind of wedding!
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I can't even imagine $90k...
Oh wait. Yes I can:
Maybe they're paying for their own private fireworks show! And a bunch of doves will be released! Horse-drawn Cinderella carriage! Chocolate fondue fountain on each table! Calla lilies only!
I'm getting squeamish because my fiance said we'll likely spend over $100 on food and alcohol at our BBQ reception at his sister's house, in addition to the $90 or so it'll take to actually get married, maybe $400 for rings, and let's not forget the $1600 or so it'll cost me to actually get to America and back to Korea. Plus his airfare to get to Korea. Oh gosh--I've upset myself :-(
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...
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Interesting sidebar: Yesterday my (high school) students were reading a short story about a couple who became engaged and set their wedding date for a week later.
Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week! It's just not possible! I mean, all those things you have to get together!" I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised: A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception. This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married: A blood test and a marriage license from city hall. Probably $100 would do it today. They were SHOCKED.
I should note that this was in an at-risk class. These kids come from homes with single mothers, never-married parents, and most of them have never been involved with a wedding. They thought being married LEGALLY HAD TO involve thousands of dollars and floral bouquets. They just don't know things. They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall. Then we talked about the pros vs. cons of being married -- and how it's about stability and commitment, not just emotion and love. And we talked about legalities. It may not have had anything to do with my state curriculum, but those kids now know a few things about the world that they didn't know before -- and it was all so far out of their realm of understanding that they went to google to check my facts!
Things these kids don't know is terrible-sad. I'm remembering a year or so ago that one of my girls was crying because she was pregnant and "her baby daddy wouldn't help her". I pointed out to her that this wasn't his choice -- that he couldn't walk away from his responsibilities, that she could have his wages garnished, and though he could choose to be unpleasant, the law would help her. She genuinely didn't know. She thought he could say, "Sorry", and walk away.
Wow, those poor kids. Brainwashed into thinking you need the fancy ceremony to get married.
But damn, it's awesome that you have legal remedies that actually work for situations when the father does not want to support his child.
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...
How about 17 0.25ct high quality diamonds at $500 each wrapped around the band, plus the platinum and craftsmanship to hold it all together.
To much for my taste though. I dropped a pretty penny on a custom designed 1ct engagement ring, but the wedding band is just a plain band.
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They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall.
To be fair, marriage is still a religious sacrament for many people, and so it is the church ceremony that "marries you". Not everyone's perspective obviously, but I wouldn't put a church service in the same category as, say, "$5000 worth of flowers".
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Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending
I would, but know damned well if I checked the decline box on the RSVP he'd tell me where I can send my gift.
I figure if I have to dole out $75 and still be disliked I'm damn well going to eat what I can only assume are cheeses imported from France the day of the wedding, beluga caviar, some fine cut of kobe beef alongside a lobster while I down some Dom Perignon and finish off my meal with a cake made by Duff Goldman himself while I listen to the musical stylings of Billy Joel performing live...or maybe I'm overestimating how difficult it is to squander $90k or $600pp on a 1 day event?
The thing that shocks me the most isn't the price tag. It's the unabashed expectation that the parents each contribute $30k. Like "My fiancee and I have discussed it, and we think the fairest thing is to spend $30k of your money on an event for me." As if $30k is some drop in the bucket, it's like going to buy a soda and asking a friend to give you $1 because you left your wallet in the car, that it doesn't even require asking if $30k is even something they can afford since they aren't earning any more money in retirement. And they aren't even asking for input -- on the budget or otherwise -- about the wedding. It is just one of those, "let me know when your check is ready and I'll decide how I'll spend it" deals.
Or even asked them if they would want to contribute anything? Even if we are multi millionaires when our boys get married, we wouldn't be chipping in equally for an outlandish wedding like that, we would volunteer to pay for the rehearsal dinner, the bridal Bouquet and possibly the honeymoon. But even then, it will be, we will spend XXX amount, you may choose to go under, over or anywhere in between, we will still give you that same amount.
But our oldest is 7 so we have a ways to go.
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What's your CW's yearly salary (approximate range)?
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Oh jesus. $90K for 150 people?
I'm having a $25K wedding for 120, including venue, dress, flowers, hotel, limo, entertainment etc etc and it STILL feels like an overwhelming fountain of opulence!
We're also splitting it 50/50, nothing from parents expected nor wanted. We also have no debt, a ~200K annualized income, and a savings rate > 60%.
I've been to a $90K wedding for 600 people before, and it was very nice, but nothing above and beyond that screams 90 THOUSAND DOLLARS.
That plus the other details you're saying about your co-worker, I can't imagine this ending well.
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What's your CW's yearly salary (approximate range)?
I'm guessing $70-$75k, based on his experience, his qualifications, and what I used to make at his level. And I seriously doubt it will increase much beyond that considering work ethic, maybe COLI + 1%. Fiancee less...as in maybe half...so $110k total as a unit
So in other words, if both sets of parents told them to pound sand on their $30k demands, and some dumb financial institution offered them a wedding credit card with a $90,000 limit at the 18% he's happy to pay Tiffany's, they'd be paying 1/4 of their after tax income for the rest of their lives just to pay the finance charges for the wedding & ring.
Actually saying this, the sad reality is the best thing for them financially (if they're determined to do this $90k shindig) may well be to apply for a slew of additional credit cards quietly and not use them, then just put the entire $90k operation on the plastic at once, use the cash wedding gifts to repay the parents for their past loans, and then when the issuers figure out their debt:income ratio just went to like 2 and seek repayment, to declare BK.
Obviously ethics fly right out of the window in this strategy, but if they could pull it off, it would be phenomenal for them -- paid off cars, no debt, apartment full of fancy shit from the wedding, parents fully paid back, and a fantabulous evening to talk about for the rest of their lives!
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...
I've seen a lot of these. Actually, I've seen a lot that is WAY more than $15k. It isn't actually hard to get there - just go up in quality and/or size. My officemate at the law firm had a 3 carat ring, and you can bet it wasn't yellow looking. My husband's friend's has a ruby that is at least 2 carats. (Although for him...he's a well off trader and could well afford it...and paying for 3 nights of accommodations for all of us attending the wedding, at an all inclusive resort, we just need to pay for travel to get to the island. And he's even a guy who price checked the flour he bought one weekend to make homemade bread.)
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The thought of wearing $15k on my finger makes me never want to leave my house. I would constantly be worried about losing it or it being stolen.
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Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week! It's just not possible! I mean, all those things you have to get together!" I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised: A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception. This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married: A blood test and a marriage license from city hall. Probably $100 would do it today. They were SHOCKED.
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Bless you Mrs. Pete for starting this dialog.
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It's like a very scary train wreck. In slow motion. Wow.
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AH103 - just where in the country is this? It would certainly help provide some insight to the 'tude of the parties.
For example, I could see this happening in New York or LA, but never in Ok City or the west coast Portland.
I don't expect CW will read this blog, but would like to maintain at least a little allure of anonymity.
But I will say, the wedding is in Maine...so...you know...you could have your wedding in a nice place in Maine for $90k....and then own the venue outright when you're done.
This cracks me up. In contrast, my nephew is getting married this weekend outside Boulder, CO, in a state park. (They aren't very organized, so I got the invite 3 weeks ago - WAY too late to actually go.)
The wedding is in the field, guests are expected/ invited to camp out, and the reception is pot luck. "Don't bring gifts, bring a dish to share!" My kind of wedding. And they are in their early 30's.
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This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married: A blood test and a marriage license from city hall. Probably $100 would do it today. They were SHOCKED.
$50.00 in Colorado. I did it last year. License only, no blood test required.
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...
How about 17 0.25ct high quality diamonds at $500 each wrapped around the band, plus the platinum and craftsmanship to hold it all together.
To much for my taste though. I dropped a pretty penny on a custom designed 1ct engagement ring, but the wedding band is just a plain band.
Eh... my wife's engagement ring and wedding band appriased in that range, but I paid a fraction of that for them since the diamonds all came from my grandmother's engagement/wedding rings... and we still have a few small stones left over for something special down the line. Got to love her- she was about ready to refuse it because it was just too big and shiny until I explained exactly how/why it had the rather large stones it did.
In KY I think it ends up being about $100 to get married- have to pay for the license and the judge that marries you.
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Your coworker sounds like a douchebag. Sorry.
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This train wreck did not happen suddenly. Long years of being bailed out by the parents, ridiculous expectations and downright rudeness to both sets of parents have been tolerated.
You know it is a lot easier if all along you tell your kids things like "you can use my car under x circumstances, if you want a car I will contribute x and you can contribute x, I will contribute x towards college or a wedding." A clear message can be sent all along so these ridiculous predicaments don't come up.
I think I would go to the wedding if I liked the people, but give the same gift I would if it were held in a backyard. It is a gift after all and if they are going to give you a hard time I would think they would be the laughingstock of the office. If I decline a wedding invitation I decide whether or not to send a gift. I have had some pretty ridiculous invitations through the years and have no problem turning them down and not sending a gift. I got one once that was in another country about a month before the wedding, from a person I had not talked to or seen for over two years for her daughter I had never met. Obviously a ploy to get gifts.
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When DW and I got married in OH, all we had to do was pay a fee, show ID, and answer "no" to the following:
- do you have syphilis?
- Are you currently intoxicated?
- Are you more closely related than third cousins?
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http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html (http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html)
If you look at the stats, the average cost of a wedding in New York is $87k! How did that happen??
I wonder if these averages are right, though. How would they get their data? The only way I can imagine they get data is by surveying people in the "wedding" industry. Those of us who didn't work with anybody in that industry would not be reflected, and I would imagine that those are the cheaper weddings. I know my mine was. I think I cost $1000, but I'm not sure of that. May have been less. A couple dozen weddings like mine would definitely drop the average, but I would think that weddings like mine for completely under the radar.
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When DW and I got married in OH, all we had to do was pay a fee, show ID, and answer "no" to the following:
- do you have syphilis?
- Are you currently intoxicated?
- Are you more closely related than third cousins?
Perfect! That's the way to do it.
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
It looks like a great target for a mugger. Which you wear on full public display daily for the rest of your life. Good move? Maybe if you have bodyguards or live in a gated community from which you never venture on foot, but...
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When DW and I got married in OH, all we had to do was pay a fee, show ID, and answer "no" to the following:
- do you have syphilis?
- Are you currently intoxicated?
- Are you more closely related than third cousins?
Perfect! That's the way to do it.
I should remember this, having recently gotten my license, but I'm pretty sure it didn't have any such invasive questions. Basically core info such as name, address, DOB, etc. What you want your new name to be. Maybe the biggest stretch was parents names which could be awkward if you don't know who your parents are.
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http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html
If you look at the stats, the average cost of a wedding in New York is $87k! How did that happen??
I would say keep in mind that those are averages not medians. So it may be adjusted up for those rich people with their 500k or 1mil weddings.
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http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/lifestyle/The-Average-Cost-of-a-Wedding-in-Each-Region-of-the-US.html
If you look at the stats, the average cost of a wedding in New York is $87k! How did that happen??
I would say keep in mind that those are averages not medians. So it may be adjusted up for those rich people with their 500k or 1mil weddings.
It's just a survey of a particular website, which likely has a certain underlying user demographic.
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I'm curious about their expectation that they will recoup $15000 in wedding gift money. Maybe it's a regional thing or the age/income of the guests, but we had a 300 person guest list, and definitely did not receive more than maybe $1000 in cash or gift cards (nor was I expecting to receive much). I was excited people came and had a good time, that's the point of the party, in fact people still comment on what a good time they had at our reception (and we spent ~$12000 FWIW).
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So, a $15k wedding ring...
Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...
And can be used...
To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?
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So, a $15k wedding ring...
Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...
And can be used...
To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?
It hurts more when you face punch someone! Or backhand them.
You pay insurance and maintenance (cleaning etc). Rego and fuel you get away without paying.
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To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Maybe you can use it to collect ~$5k or so at a pawn shop.
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I can attest to the relative ease of throwing an inexpensive wedding in the Northeast.
Ours cost us -$2700. That's 'negative" 2700. When we tallied up what we spent and what we got for gifts (invites, which were hand-written by us, specifically stated no material gifts). This also includes the cost of the engagement ring & wedding bands and outfit for the bride. We budgeted $3,000 up front for the wedding with no expectation of covering that cost (we went under on that too).
We would have netted even more had the mother-in-law not insisted on hosting a reception. Tried talking the wife into convincing her mother to put any money she'd spend on an event into a cash-gift, but wasn't going to happen. Every family probably has one compulsive consumerist amongst them, say no more...
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So, a $15k wedding ring...
Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...
And can be used...
To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?
You're going to feel really silly making fun of this diamond ring when you're trapped in your car after it went over a cliff into a body of water, and it's sinking and filling up with water, and all the doors are stuck, and you realize "it'd be really great if I had something to get through this car window with...if only I had something to score this window glass 100 times to weaken the glass so I can break it!"
.....well, until you pull out the $2.99 seatbelt cutter / window punch in your glove box and just smash the window to bits in 1 blow.
But for that brief moment where you forget that you have that in your glove box, you'll be looking at your hand, wishing there was a large diamond ring on it, feeling very sheepish that you mocked it...
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Everyone is slamming the ring, but let me say - at least it's there at the end of the day, unlike the flowers or other perishable things. Unlike a car, it won't eventually break down, and could be passed down to grandkids. It can be sold (although likely for a lesser sum).
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So, a $15k wedding ring...
Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...
And can be used...
To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?
You're going to feel really silly making fun of this diamond ring when you're trapped in your car after it went over a cliff into a body of water, and it's sinking and filling up with water, and all the doors are stuck, and you realize "it'd be really great if I had something to get through this car window with...if only I had something to score this window glass 100 times to weaken the glass so I can break it!"
.....well, until you pull out the $2.99 seatbelt cutter / window punch in your glove box and just smash the window to bits in 1 blow.
But for that brief moment where you forget that you have that in your glove box, you'll be looking at your hand, wishing there was a large diamond ring on it, feeling very sheepish that you mocked it...
I understand that it's common practice for some women to remove these rings for things like bathing/washing dishes (as attested to by the variety of sink-side ring holders I have seen sold). If you're scared to get the thing soapy, I doubt it would even cross your mind to attempt to use it to break a window.
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So, a $15k wedding ring...
Is like a car... that can be picked up and concealed in the palm of a hand, or a pocket, or a pair of undies...
And can be used...
To help you draw near-perfect circles on paper... [anything else? Help me out here!]
Hey, at least if it's not a car you can't spend money on rego, insurance, maintenance and fuel, right?
You're going to feel really silly making fun of this diamond ring when you're trapped in your car after it went over a cliff into a body of water, and it's sinking and filling up with water, and all the doors are stuck, and you realize "it'd be really great if I had something to get through this car window with...if only I had something to score this window glass 100 times to weaken the glass so I can break it!"
.....well, until you pull out the $2.99 seatbelt cutter / window punch in your glove box and just smash the window to bits in 1 blow.
But for that brief moment where you forget that you have that in your glove box, you'll be looking at your hand, wishing there was a large diamond ring on it, feeling very sheepish that you mocked it...
I understand that it's common practice for some women to remove these rings for things like bathing/washing dishes (as attested to by the variety of sink-side ring holders I have seen sold). If you're scared to get the thing soapy, I doubt it would even cross your mind to attempt to use it to break a window.
I remove my ring so I don't accidentally damage a dish. Not for fear of hurting the ring.
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The problems with using a diamond ring to escape from a sinking car are twofold:
- The pointy part of the diamond is pointing the wrong way.
- The diamond is strong, but the setting might not be. Whacking something with the ring sounds like a good way to separate the two.
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I would skip attending the wedding or giving any kind of gift. Any involvement on your part would imply approval of such idiotic behavior. And if the odds are that the marriage won't last you'd be wrong to support it to begin with.
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Be sure to tell us what a $90K buys. Considering the low cost of living in my city I'm either too frugal or cheap to figure out how to spend that much for a one day party.
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Yikes. My friend's bf's brother did this. They threw a $60k wedding and were going to claim bankruptcy (they were already in debt before the wedding), DESPITE a $10k gift from the brother! Oh, but they didn't have to claim bankruptcy... The parents bailed them out. #enabling
My wedding is in two months and should cost less than $5k for the party. I'm lying awake at night worrying about the cost... Haha thanks for this thread! Might be evil, but it makes me feel better :D
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If the wedding is in Maine, does this mean that the couple reside in Maine or have they planned a destination wedding? It is not enough to expect a nice gift. Guests should also spring for airfares and several nights at hotels, right?
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My first wedding was $500. My second wedding was the cost of the marriage license and then dinner at Red Lobster. Both were/are 20 year marriages, although I have to say I like the second marriage better than the first. In 2006 when hubs and I offered to pay for a wedding for our daughter, she refused graciously, but asked if perhaps we could pay for the renovation of her kitchen instead. We thought that was sensible, so did it. I would have loved to have seen her in a wedding dress, but she wore a nice white suit to the judge's chambers, and hey--popped out three grandchildren in 39 months, so I didn't have to raise poodles after all. I guess I'm trying to say that married happiness and joy is not predicated on how big the wedding is.
One more quick story: I had a CW who was living with her boyfriend, because they "really don't have the money for a wedding yet." Obviously another one who hadn't figured out you can just go down to city hall, and that you don't have to have some big obligatory wedding to get married. So dumb.
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I totally shared the story from the OP of this thread this weekend and my friends and bf and I marveled at the entitled ridiculousness of it. I hang out with the right people. :)
One more quick story: I had a CW who was living with her boyfriend, because they "really don't have the money for a wedding yet." Obviously another one who hadn't figured out you can just go down to city hall, and that you don't have to have some big obligatory wedding to get married. So dumb.
What's wrong with living with one's boyfriend and saving so you can celebrate your union with your loved ones? (Note: the latest research says living with a bf/gf or fiance(e) with the intent to get married doesn't have negative influence on marriage outcomes. :) )
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Oh, good heavens, I hope it didn't sound like I was judging her for living with her boyfriend. That's not what I meant. Maybe you had to be there, but she truly did not seem to realize that she didn't have to spend a lot of money to get married. Sometimes I think people get brainwashed by the advertising of the wedding industry or just by peer pressure or family pressure. And I love weddings, btw--just feel as most of the MMMs seem to, that we don't have to break the bank to have a wonderful, memorable occasion.
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
Wedding ring or engagement ring? A $15k wedding ring (i.e., simple band of gold or platinum) is ludicrous. A $15k engagement ring = a quality 2-carat diamond with nice setting on gold . . .
yes, it just hurt to type that.
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
Wedding ring or engagement ring? A $15k wedding ring (i.e., simple band of gold or platinum) is ludicrous. A $15k engagement ring = a quality 2-carat diamond with nice setting on gold . . .
yes, it just hurt to type that.
2 carat? If you're shopping at the stores work at, more like 1 carat. 10k for a nice 1 carat, 3k for a nice setting, plus tax. Boom. 15k.
(Yikes)
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Oh, good heavens, I hope it didn't sound like I was judging her for living with her boyfriend. That's not what I meant. Maybe you had to be there, but she truly did not seem to realize that she didn't have to spend a lot of money to get married. Sometimes I think people get brainwashed by the advertising of the wedding industry or just by peer pressure or family pressure. And I love weddings, btw--just feel as most of the MMMs seem to, that we don't have to break the bank to have a wonderful, memorable occasion.
Haha, ok, good. :) on the same page.
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$15,000 wedding ring?!
How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!
Wedding ring or engagement ring? A $15k wedding ring (i.e., simple band of gold or platinum) is ludicrous. A $15k engagement ring = a quality 2-carat diamond with nice setting on gold . . .
yes, it just hurt to type that.
2 carat? If you're shopping at the stores work at, more like 1 carat. 10k for a nice 1 carat, 3k for a nice setting, plus tax. Boom. 15k.
(Yikes)
Yeah. There's an exponential curve to price of stones as you get "nicer" in terms of cut, clarity, carat.
And I had a coworker with a very nice 3 carat stone... Going to a wedding next Sat where the ring is a 2 or 3 carat ruby too.
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Some people live in a very different world... a different universe... from the one I inhabit. I attended a friend's daughter's wedding that probably cost a lot more than $90k... I can't really estimate because it was big and I know these things are expensive. But they could afford it.
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I grew up in the suburbs of NYC, and I worked in a gift shop during high school and college, so I can attest that for the majority of people in that area, a wedding will cost close to six figures, if not more by now.
We got married nearly 13 years ago, and I tried really hard to find a reasonable venue. The cheapest place we could find, which I actually hated anyway, would have cost roughly $40K. There's a certain air of what is considered "acceptable" in that area, even though they are all cookie cutter weddings. The venue/dinner runs $150-$200/head, a band is at least $5K, Flowers are another $5K, Limos are about $4K, cake is $1K & up, you never take the cake the venue includes. Photography & video can run $10K, dress is at least $3K, and on and on it goes.
Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off. I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work! (That marriage lasted 8 months.)
Weddings are ideally held on Saturday nights, it's well known that a Friday night wedding is cheaper, and don't even think about a brunch or Sunday night wedding! A DJ is considered cheap, as is getting your flowers from the supermarket instead of the florist. If you attempt to do wine & beer only or god forbid, a cash bar, you will be severely penalized come gift time. Registries are for the engagement party & the bridal shower, the wedding is strictly cash. The invited females, especially the older ones, would all stuff cash in their bras, and there would be a mad dash to the restrooms before the cake was cut, so they could put the appropriate amount of cash into the envelope, depending on how nice the wedding was. Back then, $500/couple was considered a marginal gift, since you were basically paying for yourself, plus a measly $100 or so as the actual "gift".
It had changed by the time I got married, but a lot of couples would literally disappear for about an hour after the envelopes were collected, so they could go in a private room and open the envelopes, in order to pay the venue before they could leave in the limo! I can't imagine how stressful that must have been...
We actually knew of a great restaurant w/really good food, which was willing to shut down for an afternoon wedding, for $30/plate. But it was a small venue, and we could have 90 people tight. Both parents insisted on inviting a bunch of people we didn't know, and refused to whittle down the list. My parents kicked in a fair amount of cash and gifts like furniture, his parents could barely offer us any cash. We refused to go into debt for a five hour affair, so we had a very small wedding in Vegas, which still cost about $15K. Makes me sick to even think of that now, but it is what it is. My parents supported our decision, his parents suggested we delay the wedding until we could afford to pay for a proper party. I suggested they kick in some cash to cover their invitees, and that shut them up. (SOO glad I didn't listen to their suggestion, as my Dad was diagnosed w/cancer exactly 1 month after the wedding, and was gone 6 weeks after that.)
The commentary after making our decision was classic. One aunt informed me that "Damaged goods girls get married in Vegas." Other friends made such heartfelt suggestions like "well you could do something at the Knights of Columbus!" I kept my composure through it all, and told people that a wedding lasts one day, but owning our own place to live, that lasts a lot longer! And that's what we did, we took the proceeds from the wedding and our savings, and we bought a co-op instead. Which then soared in value and allowed us to flip it into a brand new townhouse less than 2 years later when hubby's job relocated us. I have friends who celebrated their 10 year anniversaries by making the final payment on the wedding loan. No thank you!!
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Oh, and one more thing, the average wedding is 300 people. Really, that's only 75 couples on each side, very easy to find that many people you barely know!
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Christ.
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Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off. I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work! (That marriage lasted 8 months.)
Weddings are ideally held on Saturday nights, it's well known that a Friday night wedding is cheaper, and don't even think about a brunch or Sunday night wedding! A DJ is considered cheap, as is getting your flowers from the supermarket instead of the florist. If you attempt to do wine & beer only or god forbid, a cash bar, you will be severely penalized come gift time. Registries are for the engagement party & the bridal shower, the wedding is strictly cash. The invited females, especially the older ones, would all stuff cash in their bras, and there would be a mad dash to the restrooms before the cake was cut, so they could put the appropriate amount of cash into the envelope, depending on how nice the wedding was. Back then, $500/couple was considered a marginal gift, since you were basically paying for yourself, plus a measly $100 or so as the actual "gift".
:O
!!!
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Oh, and one more thing, the average wedding is 300 people. Really, that's only 75 couples on each side, very easy to find that many people you barely know!
Sheesh. I just don't get the point of inviting that many people. We had like 60 people at our reception (got married at the courthouse) about a month ago and with just THAT small number of people we were still having a hard time keeping up with trying to stop and talk a little bit with everyone and actually ENJOY their being there. Was worse for my wife whose friends are much more talkative than mine- she didn't get to eat any of the cake until we got home that night! I can only imagine how ragged we'd have been trying to deal with 300 people.
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Oh, and one more thing, the average wedding is 300 people. Really, that's only 75 couples on each side, very easy to find that many people you barely know!
Sheesh. I just don't get the point of inviting that many people. We had like 60 people at our reception (got married at the courthouse) about a month ago and with just THAT small number of people we were still having a hard time keeping up with trying to stop and talk a little bit with everyone and actually ENJOY their being there. Was worse for my wife whose friends are much more talkative than mine- she didn't get to eat any of the cake until we got home that night! I can only imagine how ragged we'd have been trying to deal with 300 people.
Eeps.
My fiancé and I are invited to a wedding that will have 400 guests. I have never met the bride or groom... O.o
(My fiancé works with the bride.)
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My fiancé and I are invited to a wedding that will have 400 guests. I have never met the bride or groom... O.o
(My fiancé works with the bride.)
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This actually brings up another issue regarding wedding etiquette. A professional acquaintance of mine is getting married next year. She runs ideas past me because of my Mustachian nature. One of her conundrums concerns work colleagues. She is good friends with two or three of them; by this I mean that she sees these folks outside of work on a social level. But she feels that if she invites two or three, she must invite everyone in the department (14 or so which means 28 when you include their guests).
What say the Mustachians?
I told her that I think she should only invite her friends. If she feels guilty, she can explain that the venue or her budget restricts the list.
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I agree-only her friends. When I was faced with a similar situation I solved it by just inviting my tiny department but not all the other people I worked with on a daily basis.
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I think the "kindergarten birthday" rule can work. My niece's elementary school has the rule that you either have to invite no more than 3-4 people from your class to your birthday, or you have to invite everyone (all girls or all boys is acceptable too). You could tweak it, but I would go with either "no more than a quarter" or everyone.
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I should remember this, having recently gotten my license, but I'm pretty sure it didn't have any such invasive questions. Basically core info such as name, address, DOB, etc. What you want your new name to be. Maybe the biggest stretch was parents names which could be awkward if you don't know who your parents are.
Yeah, I don't know why ask about syphilis. I mean, people with syphilis can't marry?
As for being intoxicated, here at least it's a legal rule (you can't sign contracts while under the influence, and that's why you have to have witnesses sign with you).
As for being closer than third cousins, not sure what the govt has to do with that (I mean, it's your own risk to take when you breed, no?), but there are places where cousins can't marry, so it's an obligation to ask.
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I grew up in the suburbs of NYC, and I worked in a gift shop during high school and college, so I can attest that for the majority of people in that area, a wedding will cost close to six figures, if not more by now.
We got married nearly 13 years ago, and I tried really hard to find a reasonable venue. The cheapest place we could find, which I actually hated anyway, would have cost roughly $40K. There's a certain air of what is considered "acceptable" in that area, even though they are all cookie cutter weddings. The venue/dinner runs $150-$200/head, a band is at least $5K, Flowers are another $5K, Limos are about $4K, cake is $1K & up, you never take the cake the venue includes. Photography & video can run $10K, dress is at least $3K, and on and on it goes.
Weddings must have a cocktail hour in a separate room or outside if the weather is nice, open bar, at least three courses, and a venetian table to top it all off. I've been to weddings that went straight through the night, then served breakfast, complete w/newspapers that had the front page showing their wedding as the top story; AND had a deli brought in to make sandwiches to bring to work! (That marriage lasted 8 months.)
I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.
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I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.
Nor did I--until I googled it. So you better come to my house for brownies. Or a homebrew. Does that work for you?
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I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.
Nor did I--until I googled it. So you better come to my house for brownies. Or a homebrew. Does that work for you?
Any time...
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I must confess I don't even know what a "Venetian table" is. I guess I am low-classed.
Nor did I--until I googled it. So you better come to my house for brownies. Or a homebrew. Does that work for you?
Any time...
Ha Ha, more of an Italian thing, I think? Doesn't matter, by the time you get to the Venetian table, no one wants to eat the cake, much less a table full of sweets! Some families implored people to take stuff home w/them, and over time, the bakery boxes were available, so you could bring home a box of pastries for later. Hubby worked for one of these catering halls, and he said that if something like a cake or a pie didn't get touched, then they would bring it out to the next party. Some people who knew about this would go so far as to ask for a piece of everything, ensuring that none of the food went to the next party. I'm sure the venue got creative and just placed a medley of slices on a tray for the next Venetian table. ;)
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^Ha, hilarious! I shall hereafter be suspicious of any pre-sliced piece of pie or cake on a plate on a dessert table.
Caterers are also infamous for charging for every bottle they open, even if they open 12 bottles of the same thing and then only pour one glass worth from each. So, my fantastic wedding friends made sure that every bottle of wine or champagne that got opened was also toted out by guests for their continued enjoyment.
This thread is making me quite happy to have been married in the South where big receptions are completely optional. Cake and punch, anyone? In fact, nearly every wedding professional would begin by asking "Are you having a Northern wedding or a Southern wedding?" We got married mid-morning and then had a brunch, which I thought was uber-fancy and some sort of compromise between N and S, and all of our friends seemed perfectly happy with it. One family member was not completely thrilled, but she is from NY, so this is all starting to make sense to me now.
We can all agree that the entire wedding industry has gotten completely out of control.
One aunt informed me that "Damaged goods girls get married in Vegas."
Oh dear . . .
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A $90,000 wedding? Awesome! I'd like to open wagers how long this lucky couple will remain together. In my opinion if you even decide to have a wedding, make sure you both can afford it. I think there are many wedding and engagement expectations that are utterly asinine. The most common expectations include: engagement rings, wedding rings, wedding, and who is expected to pay for everything. To me the lucky couple described in the original post deserve each other. Their parents are reaping what they've sowed and for better or worse, I doubt the children's parents have the courage to do the right thing. Regardless of how the children developed or if societial expectations are unrealistic, or even if the wedding industry is corrupt, at the end of the day, the couple decides how they want to start their life together. The fact these children feel so entitled makes me smile because I know I do not want anything to do with all of these craziness.
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300 people for a wedding isn't crazy. Heck, my allotment of 150 people would probably be used up by my family alone, just first cousins, aunts & uncles, no friends at all. I think my sister had around 500 and my brother-in-law's family is pretty small.
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A $90k wedding for only 150 people? Man, I wish I was invited. That must be some kind of party! I have no idea what you would have at a wedding that would cost that much. I could see if you were some Hollywood superstar having a reception for 4,000 people or something. But sheesh. That's plain old crazy.
Probably lots of weird food that I wouldn't enjoy. Give me cocktail weiners and some beer and I'm like a pig in sh!t.
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They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall.
To be fair, marriage is still a religious sacrament for many people, and so it is the church ceremony that "marries you". Not everyone's perspective obviously, but I wouldn't put a church service in the same category as, say, "$5000 worth of flowers".
Great point that a lot of people don't realize. DW and I got married in a basilica and it cost us $100 from the Church itself. The Church was gorgeous enough that decorative flowers weren't even needed beyond the bouquets held by the bridal party. We were so surprised that it was so low that we got the pastor a $20 gift card to his favorite restaurant as an add-on (mustachian guy - he won't allow anyone to give him a gift more than that).
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Our wedding cost less than $50 for the fee for the town hall where we had the actual ceremony and then less than $400 for the dinner for our guests. My wife's dress cost around $500 and I think my shoes were around $100. The witness for my wife at the wedding took our pictures for free. And we made an album online for our photos.
This was in Sicily so the food at the restaurant after was ridiculous and we have amazing pictures at a small castle and some others on the side of a mountain with views of the coast behind us. And awesome memories with no stress.
Oh I almost forgot the flowers cost about $30.
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While the cost of the wedding is insane, I always get a kick out of the wedding registries. $300 toasters and $50 wine glasses (per glass!). Although to be fair, people must have thought our registry was weird - we had things like a gopro camera, hiking backpacks, and $20-$50 kitchenware and it was only for the people who werent able to come to the wedding but wanted to get us something. Since we did a destination wedding we thought it would be unbelievably rude of us to ask people for gifts when they traveled all that way for us.
As far as the CW goes, he and his wife are beyond a good ol MMM face punch. The nerve of them to just tell the parents they are SUPPOSED to pay whatever they say is unreal. When we got married, we were fortunate enough that my parents gave us a decent chunk (about 1/3 of the total cost) for the wedding, but by no means did we even expect it from them. And for the record, while I think we spent way too much (we organized most of it before stumbling upon MMM), we not only paid the wedding off in cash - we then paid off a $30k student loan the next month.
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While the cost of the wedding is insane, I always get a kick out of the wedding registries. $300 toasters and $50 wine glasses (per glass!).
Yeah that is a good point. It is insane the things that many people request. I suspect some would prefer cash but since it isn't considered appropriate to request that, they instead will return registry items, which I imagine can be a pain to do. I prefer giving a cash for weddings, and while it may not be considered appropriate, they somehow are always cashed :-).
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Our wedding cost less than $50 for the fee for the town hall where we had the actual ceremony and then less than $400 for the dinner for our guests. My wife's dress cost around $500 and I think my shoes were around $100. The witness for my wife at the wedding took our pictures for free. And we made an album online for our photos.
This was in Sicily so the food at the restaurant after was ridiculous and we have amazing pictures at a small castle and some others on the side of a mountain with views of the coast behind us. And awesome memories with no stress.
Oh I almost forgot the flowers cost about $30.
Given your username, I would have guessed your wife's attire and yours would both be free. Go figure!
To OP, thanks for the funny story. That's insane and if my kids pulled that shit on me (pay $30k or you're disinvited from our wedding), I'd be pulling up my Willmaker software and making some bequest changes PDQ to disinvite them from their inheritance.
I have to imagine the parents somehow allowed this asshattery to occur throughout the 30-something years of their kids' lives, and now the parents are experiencing the natural consequences of raising an unmustachian kid.
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Given your username, I would have guessed your wife's attire and yours would both be free. Go figure!
To OP, thanks for the funny story. That's insane and if my kids pulled that shit on me (pay $30k or you're disinvited from our wedding), I'd be pulling up my Willmaker software and making some bequest changes PDQ to disinvite them from their inheritance.
I have to imagine the parents somehow allowed this asshattery to occur throughout the 30-something years of their kids' lives, and now the parents are experiencing the natural consequences of raising an unmustachian kid.
Wedding Entitlement Mentality knows no bounds. Today on the Wedding Bee website there is an Australian bride-to-be who is bragging about her ability to save $500/month for her wedding, she's up to $12,000 now in her wedding fund. Problem is that she's on the government dole, and today people are calling her on that bit of moral hypocrisy. Predictably, she is answering in the defensive, justifying her goobermnet check.
Glad it's you Aussies and not us here in the U.S. although I'm sure similar things are taking place. Please do not tell me about that. :)
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While the cost of the wedding is insane, I always get a kick out of the wedding registries. $300 toasters and $50 wine glasses (per glass!).
That reminds me of a wedding I attended nearly 20 years ago. Among other things, the registry listed 8 wine glasses for $25 and 8 water glasses for $25. So I figured I would get both. I called up the registry company and their rep said, "Oh, you are so generous! That will be $400 please." I was confuzzled, until it dawned on me that the price was $25 for *each* glass. I replied, "Um, actually I will just order the water glasses." So I spent $200 when I meant to spend only $50. I should have backed out more completely, but I was too embarrassed to after being called so generous. Live and learn.
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I should have backed out more completely, but I was too embarrassed to after being called so generous. Live and learn.
"Hello. Hello! Can you hear me? Oh damn, the line must have dropped out. I'll call you back." *click*
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The $90,000 wedding is crazy but not surprising. My husband's friend got married about 10 years ago. They wanted a fancy event (for middle of no-where Indiana), but neither the bride, groom or their families had any funds to contribute. They charged $15,000 on credit cards; they later filed bankruptcy when they got divorced 5 years later.
My husband and I got married for less than $500, 9 years later we are still happily married. :)
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Student loans, mortgages, cars, weddings. All seem to be great excuses to spend more than you can afford. I was smart on 3 of the 4, but reluctantly admit having a $30k wedding. Before we planned it, our parents each offered to contribute $10k. We had the money for the rest and chose to spend it that way. It covered a lot - rings, dress, venue, reception, honeymoon. I can't say I regret it, it was a choice we made, but I also can't pretend I really understood the impact of spending so much money. I'm sure I would've done things differently had I been exposed to MMM back then.
The saddest part to me is my parents unknowingly lived the MMM lifestyle (first by necessity, then by habit) and they taught me the importance of saving. On top of that, I have a finance degree. Even with that background I still didn't fully understand money until my 30's. Luckily for me enough of my parents' habits rubbed off and I'm in decent shape, despite my ignorance. But if I didn't understand the value of money until recently, I can certainly see how others can be oblivious. If people don't spend their early years struggling for money, it's no surprise they take it for granted.
I saw someone post a suggestion for the OP to give the gift of personal finance books. I second that. If it's uncomfortable for you to give the books, then buy your normal gift and leave the books anonymously on the gift table. He may never read them, but you have the chance to legitimately change the course of this guy's life if he does.
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We had our wedding at a hotel in Denver. We got a 10% discount for having it on a Friday. The price was $115/person (including tax and gratuity) which included 4 hours of wine/beer and cake.
Our DJ was $500. My mother in law wanted to pay for the flowers at 1K. My sister in law wanted to pay for the photographer which was 2K. The grand total for 95 people was 14.5K. This is still expensive for a wedding but I think relatively inexpensive for a catered wedding.
This comes to $152/person for everything. I think an over the top expensive wedding would be $300/person. At $600/person I think they are just getting screwed by the wedding planner because they don't seem to care about the cost.