$90k Wedding Fallout

[AH013]

Coworker of mine put down a deposit on a $90k wedding about 4 months back (didn't realize it was a $90k wedding until now).  They have no savings, spend more than they earn every year, and are both in debt to their parents to the tunes of tens of thousands (cars, multiple apartment 1st/last/security, CC debt).

The kicker is they -- WITHOUT DISCUSSING THEIR EXPECTED WEDDING EXPENSES -- booked a $90k wedding and went to both of their parents after all the non-refundable deposits were done to explain it was going to be dutch -- the bride & groom will pay (aka put on some credit cards) $30k, the groom's parents will pay $30k, and the bride's parents will pay $30k.  And told them both "this will make it fair for all of us".

Needless to say both sets of parents blew a gasket.  From CW, originally they went to them and said they were expecting them to contribute $30k to the wedding, to which they each basically replied along the lines of "I'm not paying for the whole wedding.  You need to chip in and ask the other parents to help as well", at which point they then found out SURPRISE THEY ALREADY ARE!  That's when the holy shits came out about WTF are they having a $90k wedding when they can't rub two benjamins together.

I asked CW point blank "You have $30k for the wedding?" to which he said no, but he's going to take about a loan from his 401k for about 15k (they both don't contribute....employers provide a profit share amount regardless of contributions), put another 15k on credit cards, and then "pay it all off with the cash we get from wedding gifts".  Approximately 150 guests, so basically adding a "Bring $200 for entry" flyer in the invitations.  Buuuuuut they also have a gift registry full of ridiculously expensive stuff (no items under $150).  If they're lucky, additional CC debt may be paid off when the dust settles, favorable odds the 401k loan defaults.

Both sets of parents are retired in the late sixties.  CW and bride to be are in late 30s.  Bride & groom throwing a tantrum and saying neither set is invited unless they get on board with helping pay "their fair share" of the wedding expenses.  Parents are ripshit that they each expect another $30k even with all the outstanding "loans" (wonder when they will realize these were "gifts" in CW's mind).  Wondering if CW will still be cordial with me when he opens my wedding gift (never have given more than $75 for a coworker's wedding I've attended, and each time I've been excessively thanked...not planning on tripling that amount for ass-clown CW)

Office pool is that the marriage fails well before the Tiffany's credit card ($15k engagement ring @ 18%) is paid off.

Laughs abound all around.  I'm at least anxious to see what a $90k wedding looks like....mine was under $10k and people said it was a blast.

[Frankies Girl]

The CW and his intended have to be some of the most self-important, entitled morons... wow.

I hope the parents on both sides realize this is a clue-by-four smack upside their heads about how stupid their offspring are, and cut them off.

Again, just blown away at the idea that they should even be spending a few thousand, let alone 90K, on a wedding when they're that strapped and in debt.

Hey, instead of getting them anything like you normally would, how about purchasing a few finance books, like "Your Money Or Your Life" as your wedding gift?

[frugalecon]

The sad part is that the CW and his wife will likely go back to the parents for $$ to pay for the divorce.

But this story makes me wonder what they are planning for the honeymoon. Hard to believe that they are going to settle for a long weekend someplace nearby. With a $90k wedding, it seems like only a trip to Fiji or something like that would be acceptable.

[ABC123]

A $90k wedding for only 150 people?  Man, I wish I was invited.  That must be some kind of party!  I have no idea what you would have at a wedding that would cost that much.  I could see if you were some Hollywood superstar having a reception for 4,000 people or something.  But sheesh.  That's plain old crazy.

[GuitarStv]

Hmm.  90k for 150 people . . . that means you can have a really really nice wedding, and then send each person home with 550$ cash!

I think it's ballsy to ask the parents to pay for the wedding at all.  We sure didn't.

[MoneyCat]

$90k on a wedding?  Incredible.

We did our wedding on the cheap and put our money (with added cash from wedding gift money) toward a house instead.  Hmm, I wonder which option results in financial stability and a bright future and which will result in a disintegrated relationship.

[dragoncar]

Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending

[greenmimama]

So is this pay bak for how the parents raised them? Entitled much??

That is so crazy, I can hardly even pick my jaw up off the floor. If you go take lots of pictures and post them. Why would it cost that much? is everything coated in gold? gross That is $600 per guest.

I have never given $200 for a wedding gift, call me crazy or cheap I don't care, but you shouldn't throw a wedding hoping the cash gifts will pay it off.

[fantabulous]

$90k wedding? I guess if I had a solid gold dress and solid gold undergarments. But then I'd constantly be doing the pinky to mouth thing and would annoy the guests.

Depending on how blunt you want to be, some of those fake dog poos might be the best wedding gift.

[warfreak2]

Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending

Ha! Yes, each declined invitation is worth $600!

[Joggernot]

Wouldn't it be great if the parents got together and had a great dinner at a great restaurant for a couple hundred and didn't go to the wedding?  Maybe the CW would figure out what's wrong with their plan.

[daymare]

Wow, what a terrible situation - your CW seems like a clueless/selfish person.

On a related note, I've actually attended a 90K-ish wedding (of family of my fiance - the bride's family wanted to give her the 'big amazing wedding she deserves', but they also very very much could afford it).  Honestly?  It was nice.  It had expensive stuff, but also it was still a wedding.  So it wasn't that different from the other weddings I've been to.

[AH013]

Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending

I would, but know damned well if I checked the decline box on the RSVP he'd tell me where I can send my gift.

I figure if I have to dole out $75 and still be disliked I'm damn well going to eat what I can only assume are cheeses imported from France the day of the wedding, beluga caviar, some fine cut of kobe beef alongside a lobster while I down some Dom Perignon and finish off my meal with a cake made by Duff Goldman himself while I listen to the musical stylings of Billy Joel performing live...or maybe I'm overestimating how difficult it is to squander $90k or $600pp on a 1 day event?

The thing that shocks me the most isn't the price tag.  It's the unabashed expectation that the parents each contribute $30k.  Like "My fiancee and I have discussed it, and we think the fairest thing is to spend $30k of your money on an event for me."  As if $30k is some drop in the bucket, it's like going to buy a soda and asking a friend to give you $1 because you left your wallet in the car, that it doesn't even require asking if $30k is even something they can afford since they aren't earning any more money in retirement.  And they aren't even asking for input -- on the budget or otherwise -- about the wedding.  It is just one of those, "let me know when your check is ready and I'll decide how I'll spend it" deals.

[Cassie]

I hope both sets of parents say "NO."  That is so ridiculous!!

[dragoncar]

maybe I'm overestimating how difficult it is to squander $90k or $600pp on a 1 day event?

Ha, possibly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k

[frugalecon]

On a smaller scale, my sister once left a note on my dad's dresser, saying she needed $10k for her wedding by the end of the week. She and the fiancee were moving to Oregon, and she wanted the agreed-upon cash up-front. (She was in her late 20s at the time, fiancee was in mid-to-late 30s.) She and he made the move, frittered away the cash on this and that, and 4 weeks later she was back home after the arguing started, broke, and mysteriously unmarried. No discussion of her having to pay Mom and Dad back.

Other sister got two paid-for weddings and two paid-for divorces. She and her current husband eloped for #3, so that didn't cost mom and dad, though they were nicked for $10k to pay for an IRS audit for that sister and husband #3.

At various times Dad told me that he felt bad that he gave my sisters so much more support than I had ever received. I told him not to sweat it, I was pretty self-sufficient. He insisted that at some point he and Mom would do something really big for me. I told him it really wasn't necessary, and I guess he eventually concluded after all that it wasn't, since I never heard anything more about it. Still, I am glad that I could give them the relief of having one kid who isn't a financial trainwreck.

Weddings and last wills and testaments both seem to bring out the worst in families.

[Wolf_Stache]

I too am wondering what in the world they are buying for $90K!

Also, I can't believe the audacity to demand money from both sets of parents like that!

[shotgunwilly]

I would backhand my son/daughter if they showed up and told me "Oh, by the way, you're paying 30k for YOUR SHARE of the wedding."

[No Name Guy]

AH103 - just where in the country is this?  It would certainly help provide some insight to the 'tude of the parties.

For example, I could see this happening in New York or LA, but never in Ok City or the west coast Portland.   

[AH013]

AH103 - just where in the country is this?  It would certainly help provide some insight to the 'tude of the parties.

For example, I could see this happening in New York or LA, but never in Ok City or the west coast Portland.

I don't expect CW will read this blog, but would like to maintain at least a little allure of anonymity.

But I will say, the wedding is in Maine...so...you know...you could have your wedding in a nice place in Maine for $90k....and then own the venue outright when you're done.

[DeepEllumStache]

Wow.

Maybe, just maybe... if the parents were extremely wealthy.  Maybe if both sets of parents had paid $30K for the weddings of the other siblings.  Maybe if the parents had both promised in the past to pay that much. 

But even then, in your late 30s?  To schedule everything first?  To expect parents to each drop $30K on your wedding without asking first? To expect the parents to pay with no input on how the wedding will be done?  And a $90K wedding not even in an uber crazy high cost of living area that might start to explain some of the inflated cost?

That takes the (extremely pricy) cake.

[fantabulous]

I would probably end up killing my parents if I came to them saying that their fair share of a wedding is $30k. You know, from them not being able to breathe from laughing at me so hard. Was wedding by inheritance the coworker's plan?

[johnintaiwan]

90k doesnt seem that much to me. We had our Taiwan wedding for about that much.


...oh wait, is that US dollars? Holy Shit! My friend just had a wedding in Spain, flew all of the wedding party there, put them up in hotels for a week and then traveled around europe for  a few more weeks and from what I have hear it was less than 90k.

[Primm]

I have 4 boys ranging in age from 17 to 23, so we're getting to that age. If they came to me and told me I had to fork out $30k for their wedding otherwise I wouldn't be invited, my response would be "have a nice wedding day".

Although that's hypothetical, given that they'd never ask me in the first place.

[PindyStache]

This is a story very deserving of a spot on the wall of shame and comedy!

Wow, what a terrible situation - your CW seems like a clueless/selfish person.

On a related note, I've actually attended a 90K-ish wedding (of family of my fiance - the bride's family wanted to give her the 'big amazing wedding she deserves', but they also very very much could afford it).  Honestly?  It was nice.  It had expensive stuff, but also it was still a wedding.  So it wasn't that different from the other weddings I've been to.

I have also been to a couple $90k+ weddings (or at least ones that I presumed were...?). Both times thrown by wealthy people so not this same level of craziness as the OP. And yes, both were very nice, in high-end locations with lots of wonderful food (and presumably alcohol was good too though I didn't have any of that). But, beyond that, nothing especially amazing or mind-blowing. It sounds like the CW might not have the best "taste" though, so maybe this $90k wedding would really be something off the wall!

[okonumiyaki]

LOL.  Our wedding was 4000 USD, and much of that was flowers for the venue... 

[SnackDog]

Our wedding cost the price of two rings and the recording fee.  Under $400. The best man and I took turns with the camera.  Posted the photos on Facebook and had kind words from around globe.  Everyone is happy.  The best part is filing taxes jointly which means the wedding will actually pay for itself, year after year...

[MrsPete]

Interesting sidebar:  Yesterday my (high school) students were reading a short story about a couple who became engaged and set their wedding date for a week later. 

Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week!  It's just not possible!  I mean, all those things you have to get together!"  I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised:  A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception.  This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married:  A blood test and a marriage license from city hall.  Probably $100 would do it today.  They were SHOCKED. 

I should note that this was in an at-risk class.  These kids come from homes with single mothers, never-married parents, and most of them have never been involved with a wedding.  They thought being married LEGALLY HAD TO involve thousands of dollars and floral bouquets. They just don't know things.  They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall.  Then we talked about the pros vs. cons of being married -- and how it's about stability and commitment, not just emotion and love.  And we talked about legalities.  It may not have had anything to do with my state curriculum, but those kids now know a few things about the world that they didn't know before -- and it was all so far out of their realm of understanding that they went to google to check my facts! 

Things these kids don't know is terrible-sad.  I'm remembering a year or so ago that one of my girls was crying because she was pregnant and "her baby daddy wouldn't help her".  I pointed out to her that this wasn't his choice -- that he couldn't walk away from his responsibilities, that she could have his wages garnished, and though he could choose to be unpleasant, the law would help her.  She genuinely didn't know.  She thought he could say, "Sorry", and walk away. 

[TickInTime]

Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending

Ha! Yes, each declined invitation is worth $600!

Not always, we have friends booking a wedding with a MINIMUM headcount of 150 but only inviting approx 100.  The are basically paying for empty seats.  This is for a 50k wedding venue. Maybe the 90k includes dress, etc?

[odput]

Interesting sidebar:  Yesterday my (high school) students were reading a short story about a couple who became engaged and set their wedding date for a week later. 

Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week!  It's just not possible!  I mean, all those things you have to get together!"  I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised:  A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception.  This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married:  A blood test and a marriage license from city hall.  Probably $100 would do it today.  They were SHOCKED. 

I should note that this was in an at-risk class.  These kids come from homes with single mothers, never-married parents, and most of them have never been involved with a wedding.  They thought being married LEGALLY HAD TO involve thousands of dollars and floral bouquets. They just don't know things.  They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall.  Then we talked about the pros vs. cons of being married -- and how it's about stability and commitment, not just emotion and love.  And we talked about legalities.  It may not have had anything to do with my state curriculum, but those kids now know a few things about the world that they didn't know before -- and it was all so far out of their realm of understanding that they went to google to check my facts! 

Things these kids don't know is terrible-sad.  I'm remembering a year or so ago that one of my girls was crying because she was pregnant and "her baby daddy wouldn't help her".  I pointed out to her that this wasn't his choice -- that he couldn't walk away from his responsibilities, that she could have his wages garnished, and though he could choose to be unpleasant, the law would help her.  She genuinely didn't know.  She thought he could say, "Sorry", and walk away. 

Holy crap...some of the things we take for granted eh?

Thanks for taking the time to talk to these kids about "non-curriculum" stuff...sounds like they really need it

[kimmarg]

.

But I will say, the wedding is in Maine...so...you know...you could have your wedding in a nice place in Maine for $90k....and then own the venue outright when you're done.

Wait Maine!! Ok, if I think real hard I might be able to come up with something to be that expensive. Ocean Gateway, Saturday night in July, some fancy resturant catering. Geesh! All I can say isth e guests must be 'from away' - I sure don't have a fleece good enough to wear to that kind of wedding!

[nikki]

I can't even imagine $90k...

Oh wait. Yes I can:

Maybe they're paying for their own private fireworks show! And a bunch of doves will be released! Horse-drawn Cinderella carriage! Chocolate fondue fountain on each table! Calla lilies only!

I'm getting squeamish because my fiance said we'll likely spend over $100 on food and alcohol at our BBQ reception at his sister's house, in addition to the $90 or so it'll take to actually get married, maybe $400 for rings, and let's not forget the $1600 or so it'll cost me to actually get to America and back to Korea. Plus his airfare to get to Korea. Oh gosh--I've upset myself  :-(

[AlexUK]

$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!

The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...

[Adventine]

Interesting sidebar:  Yesterday my (high school) students were reading a short story about a couple who became engaged and set their wedding date for a week later. 

Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week!  It's just not possible!  I mean, all those things you have to get together!"  I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised:  A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception.  This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married:  A blood test and a marriage license from city hall.  Probably $100 would do it today.  They were SHOCKED. 

I should note that this was in an at-risk class.  These kids come from homes with single mothers, never-married parents, and most of them have never been involved with a wedding.  They thought being married LEGALLY HAD TO involve thousands of dollars and floral bouquets. They just don't know things.  They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall.  Then we talked about the pros vs. cons of being married -- and how it's about stability and commitment, not just emotion and love.  And we talked about legalities.  It may not have had anything to do with my state curriculum, but those kids now know a few things about the world that they didn't know before -- and it was all so far out of their realm of understanding that they went to google to check my facts! 

Things these kids don't know is terrible-sad.  I'm remembering a year or so ago that one of my girls was crying because she was pregnant and "her baby daddy wouldn't help her".  I pointed out to her that this wasn't his choice -- that he couldn't walk away from his responsibilities, that she could have his wages garnished, and though he could choose to be unpleasant, the law would help her.  She genuinely didn't know.  She thought he could say, "Sorry", and walk away.

Wow, those poor kids. Brainwashed into thinking you need the fancy ceremony to get married.

But damn, it's awesome that you have legal remedies that actually work for situations when the father does not want to support his child.

[rockstache]

This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married:  A blood test and a marriage license from city hall.  Probably $100 would do it today.  They were SHOCKED. 

On top of all that, I think there are only about 4 states left that still do the blood test. Most states it's the license only. Great talk with your students MrsPete, hopefully it sank in for at least a few of them.

[nordlead]

$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!

The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...

How about 17 0.25ct high quality diamonds at $500 each wrapped around the band, plus the platinum and craftsmanship to hold it all together.

To much for my taste though. I dropped a pretty penny on a custom designed 1ct engagement ring, but the wedding band is just a plain band.

[rosaz]

They did not know that it isn't the church ceremony that "marries you"; rather, it's the license from city hall.

To be fair, marriage is still a religious sacrament for many people, and so it is the church ceremony that "marries you". Not everyone's perspective obviously, but I wouldn't put a church service in the same category as, say, "$5000 worth of flowers".

[greenmimama]

Seriously though, maybe the best gift you can give is not attending

I would, but know damned well if I checked the decline box on the RSVP he'd tell me where I can send my gift.

I figure if I have to dole out $75 and still be disliked I'm damn well going to eat what I can only assume are cheeses imported from France the day of the wedding, beluga caviar, some fine cut of kobe beef alongside a lobster while I down some Dom Perignon and finish off my meal with a cake made by Duff Goldman himself while I listen to the musical stylings of Billy Joel performing live...or maybe I'm overestimating how difficult it is to squander $90k or $600pp on a 1 day event?

The thing that shocks me the most isn't the price tag.  It's the unabashed expectation that the parents each contribute $30k.  Like "My fiancee and I have discussed it, and we think the fairest thing is to spend $30k of your money on an event for me."  As if $30k is some drop in the bucket, it's like going to buy a soda and asking a friend to give you $1 because you left your wallet in the car, that it doesn't even require asking if $30k is even something they can afford since they aren't earning any more money in retirement.  And they aren't even asking for input -- on the budget or otherwise -- about the wedding.  It is just one of those, "let me know when your check is ready and I'll decide how I'll spend it" deals.

Or even asked them if they would want to contribute anything? Even if we are multi millionaires when our boys get married, we wouldn't be chipping in equally for an outlandish wedding like that, we would volunteer to pay for the rehearsal dinner, the bridal Bouquet and possibly the honeymoon. But even then, it will be, we will spend XXX amount, you may choose to go under, over or anywhere in between, we will still give you that same amount.

But our oldest is 7 so we have a ways to go.

[workathomedad]

What's your CW's yearly salary (approximate range)?

[Apocalyptica602]

Oh jesus. $90K for 150 people?

I'm having a $25K wedding for 120, including venue, dress, flowers, hotel, limo, entertainment etc etc and it STILL feels like an overwhelming fountain of opulence!

We're also splitting it 50/50, nothing from parents expected nor wanted. We also have no debt, a ~200K annualized income, and a savings rate > 60%.

I've been to a $90K wedding for 600 people before, and it was very nice, but nothing above and beyond that screams 90 THOUSAND DOLLARS.

That plus the other details you're saying about your co-worker, I can't imagine this ending well.

[AH013]

What's your CW's yearly salary (approximate range)?

I'm guessing $70-$75k, based on his experience, his qualifications, and what I used to make at his level.  And I seriously doubt it will increase much beyond that considering work ethic, maybe COLI + 1%.  Fiancee less...as in maybe half...so $110k total as a unit

So in other words, if both sets of parents told them to pound sand on their $30k demands, and some dumb financial institution offered them a wedding credit card with a $90,000 limit at the 18% he's happy to pay Tiffany's, they'd be paying 1/4 of their after tax income for the rest of their lives just to pay the finance charges for the wedding & ring.

Actually saying this, the sad reality is the best thing for them financially (if they're determined to do this $90k shindig) may well be to apply for a slew of additional credit cards quietly and not use them, then just put the entire $90k operation on the plastic at once, use the cash wedding gifts to repay the parents for their past loans, and then when the issuers figure out their debt:income ratio just went to like 2 and seek repayment, to declare BK.

Obviously ethics fly right out of the window in this strategy, but if they could pull it off, it would be phenomenal for them -- paid off cars, no debt, apartment full of fancy shit from the wedding, parents fully paid back, and a fantabulous evening to talk about for the rest of their lives!

[CommonCents]

$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!

The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...

I've seen a lot of these.  Actually, I've seen a lot that is WAY more than $15k.  It isn't actually hard to get there - just go up in quality and/or size.  My officemate at the law firm had a 3 carat ring, and you can bet it wasn't yellow looking.  My husband's friend's has a ruby that is at least 2 carats.  (Although for him...he's a well off trader and could well afford it...and paying for 3 nights of accommodations for all of us attending the wedding, at an all inclusive resort, we just need to pay for travel to get to the island.  And he's even a guy who price checked the flour he bought one weekend to make homemade bread.)

[ABC123]

The thought of wearing $15k on my finger makes me never want to leave my house. I would constantly be worried about losing it or it being stolen.

[iris lily]

Several girls laughed at this notion, saying essentially, "You can't put together a wedding in a week!  It's just not possible!  I mean, all those things you have to get together!"  I asked them what they thought was essential for a wedding, and I wasn't surprised:  A church, people, clothes, a place for the reception.  This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married:  A blood test and a marriage license from city hall.  Probably $100 would do it today.  They were SHOCKED. 

...

Bless you Mrs. Pete for starting this dialog.

[mm1970]

It's like a very scary train wreck.  In slow motion.  Wow.

[mm1970]

AH103 - just where in the country is this?  It would certainly help provide some insight to the 'tude of the parties.

For example, I could see this happening in New York or LA, but never in Ok City or the west coast Portland.

I don't expect CW will read this blog, but would like to maintain at least a little allure of anonymity.

But I will say, the wedding is in Maine...so...you know...you could have your wedding in a nice place in Maine for $90k....and then own the venue outright when you're done.

This cracks me up.  In contrast, my nephew is getting married this weekend outside Boulder, CO, in a state park.  (They aren't very organized, so I got the invite 3 weeks ago - WAY too late to actually go.)

The wedding is in the field, guests are expected/ invited to camp out, and the reception is pot luck. "Don't bring gifts, bring a dish to share!"  My kind of wedding.  And they are in their early 30's.

[Threshkin]

This launched into a discussion of exactly how little it takes to be married:  A blood test and a marriage license from city hall.  Probably $100 would do it today.  They were SHOCKED. 

$50.00 in Colorado.  I did it last year.  License only, no blood test required.

[Ashyukun]

$15,000 wedding ring?!

How.... Why....?! What does a ring that costs that amount of money look like?!

The only good thing about this story is I don't feel nearly as bad for going over budget by a couple of hundred this month...

How about 17 0.25ct high quality diamonds at $500 each wrapped around the band, plus the platinum and craftsmanship to hold it all together.

To much for my taste though. I dropped a pretty penny on a custom designed 1ct engagement ring, but the wedding band is just a plain band.

Eh... my wife's engagement ring and wedding band appriased in that range, but I paid a fraction of that for them since the diamonds all came from my grandmother's engagement/wedding rings... and we still have a few small stones left over for something special down the line. Got to love her- she was about ready to refuse it because it was just too big and shiny until I explained exactly how/why it had the rather large stones it did.

In KY I think it ends up being about $100 to get married- have to pay for the license and the judge that marries you.

[Erica/NWEdible]

Your coworker sounds like a douchebag. Sorry.

[quilter]

This train wreck did not happen suddenly. Long years of being bailed out by the parents, ridiculous expectations and downright rudeness to both sets of parents have been tolerated.

You know it is a lot easier if all along you tell your kids things like "you can use my car under x circumstances, if you want a car I will contribute x and you can contribute x, I will contribute x towards college or a wedding."  A clear message can be sent all along so these ridiculous predicaments don't come up.

I think I would go to the wedding if I liked the people, but give the same gift I would if it were held in a backyard. It is a gift after all and if they are going to give you a hard time I would think they would be the laughingstock of the office.   If I decline a wedding invitation I decide whether or not to send a gift. I have had some pretty ridiculous invitations through the years and have no problem turning them down and not sending a gift. I got one once that was in another country about a month before the wedding,  from a person I had not talked to or seen for over two years for her daughter I had never met. Obviously a ploy to get gifts.