Have any Mustachians out there gone through in-vitro fertilization (IVF)?

[Mr. McGibblets]

Veeery personal topic here, but hey, we're all friends :)

It's a long story, but due to some health issues in the past, but my wife and I will not be able to have children the old fashioned way. We definitely want kids that are our own, but we would have to pay for IVF (in-vitro). Has anyone else gone through this process? It is outrageously expensive (~$20k), but I can't imagine my life without having kids, so I believe that it's worth it. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

[Calimandc]

Yes, we went through IVF (3 cycles now).  We were very lucky to get a wonderful son out of the process the first time.  The second two times we were not as lucky.  The process is expensive, especially if you need to do any genetic screening.  Health insurance varies on coverage, so I highly recommend you check with your insurer to see what they cover.  Some plans are better than you expect.  Some worse.

All-in-all, we've spent 39K on these three attempts.  Not what most people would recommend for how to spend money, but when we get to spend any time with our son (which we spend a lot!) it makes every dollar worth it.

We're looking into adoption now.

I'm happy to answer specific questions off-line if you're interested.

Best of luck!

Jeremy

[Misstachian]

We're having fertility challenges, although we're very lucky to live in a state with some mandated fertility insurance coverage, so at least at first it won't be out of pocket. As we move toward IVF I'm also interested in others' stories.

[bogart]

I'm sorry you find yourself needing to navigate this -- it's hard.  But yes, BTDT.  It's one of those things -- if experiencing having kids "the traditional way" (and I don't mean the act that leads to conception, obviously, but the rest of it) is important to you, as I found somewhat to my surprise that it was to me, then, well, it's worth it.

I wasn't a "good" candidate for IVF (long story, but I'll share details if you're interested), but wasn't going to conceive without it, which made me (IMO though not necessarily that of my doctors) a better candidate for pursuing it than not pursuing it (i.e. I wanted to even knowing we were relatively unlikely to conceive).  We did 4 fresh and 2 frozen cycles to conceive our son (at an OOP cost of about $60K with some insurance coverage), and another frozen + 1.5 fresh (one didn't get to transfer) in the process of not having a sibling (we are a one-child family), at a cost of about $20K OOP. 

It was all worth it.

The only thing I wish I had done differently was move ahead more quickly on ttc.  Female fertility declines with age, and had I understood that as well as I do now, I'd have ignored the financial concerns and moved ahead more quickly (we started when I was 32).

Good luck to you.

[geekette]

Other side - after multiple miscarriages, we did a couple IUI and 2 IVF cycles.  All failed.  I don't recall the cost (15 years ago), but it was a lot.

Three years of hell, but we got through it.  Now we have three cats, and they'll never have college tuition bills!

[Livewell]

We did several Ivf cycles for our two kids.  It's a long process, would encourage use of whatever support resources the clinic has, the ups and downs can be tough.  We went to Stanford and found them to be excellent, clinically and support wise.

Financially we were fortunate to have health coverage that paid for the first couple cycles, and later the means to pay for it.  The cycles are expensive, the drugs are expensive, the science is tricky in determining the right protocol.  If the clinic you're using offers it I would consider one of the package deals - we paid for two up front cycles and got access to three plus two frozen implants.  Drugs are separate.  It's a numbers game - if you get lucky right away you "lose" but then you have a kid.  If it takes a few times, at least you don't have to worry about spending more money or not while you're in the middle of the roller coaster.

Good luck to you.  It was a five year journey for us.  hope it's shorter for you

[Rage]

We did IVF.  It was a horrible horrible experience when we were going through it - and we're about to go through it again.  I don't even know how to talk about how horrible it was, people don't understand.  Bleeding money everywhere with no idea if it's going to work.  Having to wake up at 6 am to stab my wife in the lower back with a 3 inch needle (and don't miss!  you'll hit the kidneys or sciatic nerve!)  My wife having to drive for an hour each way every day to the clinic for these ultra sound screenings.  Getting excited and then horribly disappointed again and again and again.  Did I mention the money?  And I won't even go into what it's like in those jerk-off chambers where I have to make my contribution, but one time somebody replaced all the magazines with "fat black-lady porn" as a joke (I assume).  Bring your own porn guys, seriously, it's important.

Anyway,  the money part really sucks.  For some reason the clinic refused - REFUSED - to negotiate with us once our insurance ran out.  So things that would go through insurance before we would see that the billed price was $700, let's say.  And we would see that insurance negotiated a price of $180.  And then when our insurance ran out, I would be like, how about I pay you $180 right now.  Right fucking now, no running it through insurance, no faxing back and forth, I pay you that insurance negotiated price of $180 - make it $185, I don't care, let's make this happen.  No they said.  Every fucking time.  No, we want $700.  FUCK THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES I hate them so much.

But anyway, roller coaster, up and down, lots of sad phone calls with bad results, lots of rage, and then finally we got this perfect baby.  I still can't believe it.  Up until the moment I held him I still didn't think it was going to work out.

A few pieces of advice.  Take them, don't take them, whatever, but it's what we learned

1) do FETs (frozen embryo transfers).  If you try to do the cycle all at once it's a lot harder because they have to mess up your hormones to get the eggs and then try to get it working again to implant the embryo.  It also means they can't try as hard to get a lot of eggs.  If what I said doesn't make sense now it will once you start talking to them.  You want to freeze your embryos and implant them later.

2) Do the genetic screening.  If either of you are over 30 definitely do it. It's like $4K or something insane but it's critical, otherwise you're wasting time and emotions implanting unknown embryos.  We were shocked out how many of ours came back bad.  Perfectly healthy looking AA embryos but they were bad to the bone - trisomy mostly.  We actually did it mostly for the emotional roller coaster avoidance but it turned out to save us a ton of money because of how many of our embryos were bad.  Also, if you wind up with a ton of extra embryos, this makes it easier to donate them to the national embryo donation system (whatever it's called).

As for cost, the first 3 cycles cost us about $35K - we had insurance for most of it.  The next two will cost us, I think, about $40K each.  If we don't get another baby out of that we're going to move on with our lives with the one that we have.

How "mustachian" is all of this?  I don't know.  Probably the Mustachian approach is to move to any country with a decent IVF program for a few years and pay 1/10th as much. 

[Gray Matter]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.  It's one of those incredibly unjust things about the world.  I hope you find the process less stressful and expensive than you anticipate and that you get the outcome you hope for!

I'm also going to gently challenge you to reconsider your language around having a child "of your own" (I feel like a bit of an ass quibbling over language when you're going through something like this, but, well, I'm going to do it anyway!).  As the mother of children I gave birth to and a child I adopted, I encourage you to think about it as children you are biologically related to vs. "your own," because when you adopt, that child becomes your own in a heartbeat and that distinction is (unintentionally, I know) offensive to some.

I would have just read your post, shrugged, and moved on, but in the event that adoption is something you might consider at some point in your journey, any work you do now that allows you to believe that any child who comes into your lives for you to love and cherish and parent is "your own" might help you down the road should you come to that crossroads.  I'm not pushing for you to consider adoption--expanding a family is a very personal journey and everyone gets to decide how best to achieve their vision of their family--I'm just offering some advice that might help you remove a mental barrier should you want to.  I hope that makes sense and doesn't come across as an unwelcome intrusion or unasked for a advice.

Wishing you the best!

[SCUBAstache]

I've been thinking about IVF a lot lately, as I'm rapidly approaching my 30th birthday. Still young, I know, but the clock is now starting to tick. My soon to be husband is much older and has 3 kids from a previous marriage and would like to have more with me. I've been on the fence about it, but am now thinking I'd probably like to have at least one after a few more years. After his 3 kids, though, he got the big V about a decade ago so he will have to get a vasectomy reversal or just go straight to IVF.  No guarantees either way, and not cheap.  I think I'm leaning toward the VR route (certainly cheaper, IF it works), but the timing aspect of IVF is very appealing.  To make the IVF option a little more affordable, it looks like there are some decent medical tourism options.  Good luck to everyone trying!

[Sunnymo]

Hi, like others I am so sorry to hear that you will most likely need to use assisted reproduction to have your family.

While I coped well with the medical protocol (last 2 cycles were 32 injections each over 10 days) it is an emotionally brutal process. Be prepared for extremes highs and extreme lows. One cycle we collected 17 eggs and another cycle all of the eggs collected failed to fertilise.

You learn to ration your emotions as a means of self protection; we have told very few people as otherwise it will seem to be the only topic they will talk to you about. Our clinic offers a counselling session at no additional charge when you have an 'adverse' outcome. If you have access to this service take it. I was resistant at first and now wish we had used it sooner. If they don't directly provide this ask for a referral.

On the cost side check your insurance, ask for itemised quotes and don't be afraid to ask questions. I am in Australia so the public health system subsidises a big chunk of the process, going over my records indicate that our gross cost has been $67K Aus ($52K US) and our out of pocket has been $27K Aus ($21K US). This has covered all the preliminary testing, 3 IUI cycles and 6 full stimulated cycles (3 included transfer, 3 no transfer and then 3 frozen cycles).

I'm also going to gently challenge you to reconsider your language around having a child "of your own" (I feel like a bit of an ass quibbling over language when you're going through something like this, but, well, I'm going to do it anyway!)... I encourage you to think about it as children you are biologically related to vs. "your own," ...expanding a family is a very personal journey and everyone gets to decide how best to achieve their vision of their family.

If you have had medical issues in the past ensure that you push your treating doctors to be realistic with your chances and factor in medical history. Don't get so focused on having a child that is totally yours if there are other options that may give you dramatically greater chances of success. We are currently going through our final frozen embryo cycle. If this one does not work we will move to egg donation. We have asked one person to be a donor and if they say no we will go overseas as the laws and framework in place mean there are very few egg donors in Australia. I have been researching South Africa, they have very high standards and levels of accreditation. As a cost comparison we would would be looking at $35K Aus ($27K US) for USA vs $18K Aus ($14K US) for South Africa. This is for treatment, flights, accom, everything.

To make the IVF option a little more affordable, it looks like there are some decent medical tourism options. 

Is going through all of this mustachian? Yes and No. When you purely consider the amounts that you outlay the answer is no. But not everything can or should be measured purely in financial terms...

All-in-all, we've spent 39K on these three attempts.  Not what most people would recommend for how to spend money, but when we get to spend any time with our son (which we spend a lot!) it makes every dollar worth it.

Mustachianism, I believe, is about optimising your finances and then using the results to give yourself options. For some this might be FIRE, multiple sabbaticals with slow travel or part time work. For us, it has meant that we have been able to pursue our dream of creating a family.

In closing I would say that going through this whole process together has made our marriage stronger; it has been rocky on the way with fights and meltdowns but we have survived. I do know of relationships that have been irreparably damaged by the relentless pursuit of having a family. Focus on each other, if your treatment is successful you want a loving environment in which to nurture your child/ren.

[bogart]

My soon to be husband is much older and has 3 kids from a previous marriage and would like to have more with me. I've been on the fence about it, but am now thinking I'd probably like to have at least one after a few more years. After his 3 kids, though, he got the big V about a decade ago so he will have to get a vasectomy reversal or just go straight to IVF. 

Fellow V (and failed VR) wife here.  If you go the VR route, ask the surgeon if they can harvest and freeze sperm "while they're in there."  I did and ours did, and it saved a significant cost (and another unpleasant procedure for DH) when we did have to move to IVF.  I literally had to drive "the stuff" across town myself to get it from the VR out-patient surgery clinic to the IVF clinic to be cryopreserved while DH was still under the knife, but -- it worked. 

[bogart]

Couple further thoughts for the OP -- the advice above about multiple cycles at a fixed price with a money-back guarantee, but make sure you know what you're buying and insofar as possible, how you feel about its constraints.  You may be required to transfer all available frozen embryos after a fresh cycle before doing another fresh (which is not a bad thing and may be your choice anyway -- it was mine as I didn't want "leftover" embryos on ice, but which reduces your overall chances of achieving pregnancy in that frozen embryos are, well, frozen -- in time as well as literally -- whereas female fertility diminishes over time, so it's "better" -- from an achieving pregnancy perspective, though not a cost or necessarily a sanity one -- to do fresh cycles early and save any frozen ones for later).  And I believe many such package deals limit the amount of time you can take between cycles, which may be stressful if you want/need to take a break.

The advice on genetic screening (above) may be excellent, but that will depend too on how many embryos you have -- if there aren't lots available, it's less practical to try to choose among them, particularly as (I believe) the screening itself carries risks (to the embryos).  But, certainly worth discussing with a doctor how this (screening) could help.

[SCUBAstache]

My soon to be husband is much older and has 3 kids from a previous marriage and would like to have more with me. I've been on the fence about it, but am now thinking I'd probably like to have at least one after a few more years. After his 3 kids, though, he got the big V about a decade ago so he will have to get a vasectomy reversal or just go straight to IVF. 

Fellow V (and failed VR) wife here.  If you go the VR route, ask the surgeon if they can harvest and freeze sperm "while they're in there."  I did and ours did, and it saved a significant cost (and another unpleasant procedure for DH) when we did have to move to IVF.  I literally had to drive "the stuff" across town myself to get it from the VR out-patient surgery clinic to the IVF clinic to be cryopreserved while DH was still under the knife, but -- it worked.

Thanks!  Always nice to hear from others who have gone through it. I will remember this advice when the time comes!

[supernova2]

Veeery personal topic here, but hey, we're all friends :)

It's a long story, but due to some health issues in the past, but my wife and I will not be able to have children the old fashioned way. We definitely want kids that are our own, but we would have to pay for IVF (in-vitro). Has anyone else gone through this process? It is outrageously expensive (~$20k), but I can't imagine my life without having kids, so I believe that it's worth it. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!

My wife and I recently conceived twins via IVF.  We were extremely fortunate to only have to go through one IVF cycle.  It was still an exhausting process overall (3.5 years from the time we began trying until the birth of our children).  We had multiple miscarriages when we tried to conceive naturally (genetic testing done on the second fetus, which among other things let us know the would-be gender) and we began to lament the fact that we waited until our 30s to start trying to have kids (while all of our friends started having them 8-10 years ago) so that we could get our financial house in order.  Prior to the IVF cycle we tried 4 IUIs as well as additional medications/supplements.  Calling the fertility clinic constantly was exhausting; going there in person (constantly having to take hours off from work) even more so. 

The cost was a secondary concern but still frustrating.  My wife and I are both in good shape and eat healthy, and then we'd see some of our unhealthy eating/cigarette-smoking peers popping out kids left and right.  Yet we have to pay $10,000+ for just the chance to have children via IVF.  We were fortunate to have insurance that covered significant portions of the cost, and even more fortunate that it worked on our first attempt.

And when it does work you're still not out of the woods as you're constantly worrying about a possible miscarriage or the slightly higher rate (emphasis on slightly) rate of birth defects.

Infertility is a very challenging ordeal--one I don't wish on my worst enemies.  If you're successful, it's 100% worth it of course.  Had we not been successful during our first cycle, we had already made the determination that we could try, at a minimum, two more cycles. 

Best of luck.

[Mr. McGibblets]

Thanks everyone for the great insight. I appreciate you all sharing your experience, especially on the emotional side of this process.

From a mustachian perspective - does anyone else have any ideas for paying for treatment? So far I've seen medical tourism, trying to negotiate a rate w/ the fertility company (unsuccessful, but may work for other providers). I really wish my insurance would cover at least part of it, but unfortunately that is not the case.

[Mr. McGibblets]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.  It's one of those incredibly unjust things about the world.  I hope you find the process less stressful and expensive than you anticipate and that you get the outcome you hope for!

I'm also going to gently challenge you to reconsider your language around having a child "of your own" (I feel like a bit of an ass quibbling over language when you're going through something like this, but, well, I'm going to do it anyway!).  As the mother of children I gave birth to and a child I adopted, I encourage you to think about it as children you are biologically related to vs. "your own," because when you adopt, that child becomes your own in a heartbeat and that distinction is (unintentionally, I know) offensive to some.

I would have just read your post, shrugged, and moved on, but in the event that adoption is something you might consider at some point in your journey, any work you do now that allows you to believe that any child who comes into your lives for you to love and cherish and parent is "your own" might help you down the road should you come to that crossroads.  I'm not pushing for you to consider adoption--expanding a family is a very personal journey and everyone gets to decide how best to achieve their vision of their family--I'm just offering some advice that might help you remove a mental barrier should you want to.  I hope that makes sense and doesn't come across as an unwelcome intrusion or unasked for a advice.

Wishing you the best!

Thank you for setting me straight. I didn't mean to be offensive when suggesting I wanted children that were "my own" - and you have opened my eyes to the possibility of adoption.

[bogart]

From a mustachian perspective - does anyone else have any ideas for paying for treatment? So far I've seen medical tourism, trying to negotiate a rate w/ the fertility company (unsuccessful, but may work for other providers). I really wish my insurance would cover at least part of it, but unfortunately that is not the case.

It's hard.  Not exclusively about finances (but not entirely unrelated either) I can tell you that the one question that really worked for me in decision-making about the whole process from beginning to end was, "If I try this and it doesn't work, will I regret having tried it?"  The only other tip I have (besides those you've listed) is to try to group things in ways that maximize the tax-savings that can be associated with medical care.  Basically this amounts to either spreading it out over 2 years (to maximize the amount that can be covered using a flexible spending account if your employers offer them) or lumping as much as you can in one, particularly if it will be a low income year and particularly if you can squeeze any other needed medical bills in there -- if your expenses exceed 10% of your AGI (double-check this, may have changed), you can claim the amount you're over that as a deduction (so, keeping the math simple, if your income is $100K and you spend $25K you can deduct $15K = $25K-10%(100K). 

If you are leaving a job during a year for any reason and have funds "planned" for your flex account, you can go ahead and spend them (all) while you're employed/before you leave, and not have to pay them back.  So if you plan to set aside $3K (again, trying to keep the math simple), work only in January and therefore have only $250 deducted, you can still spend the $3K and get a credit for that against your flex account -- your employer has to cover the difference.

You can also talk to your doctor about the different cost across the meds used (different brands, etc.), but those are generally pretty minimal as I recall (i.e. small savings overall by using a different brand). 

HTH.

[Sunnymo]

From a mustachian perspective - does anyone else have any ideas for paying for treatment? So far I've seen medical tourism, trying to negotiate a rate w/ the fertility company (unsuccessful, but may work for other providers). I really wish my insurance would cover at least part of it, but unfortunately that is not the case.

It's hard.  Not exclusively about finances (but not entirely unrelated either) I can tell you that the one question that really worked for me in decision-making about the whole process from beginning to end was, "If I try this and it doesn't work, will I regret having tried it?"  The only other tip I have (besides those you've listed) is to try to group things in ways that maximize the tax-savings that can be associated with medical care...

You can also talk to your doctor about the different cost across the meds used (different brands, etc.), but those are generally pretty minimal as I recall (i.e. small savings overall by using a different brand). 

HTH.

Agree with Bogart here. I won't get in to the ins and outs of Flex accounts etc (I'm an Aussie so I would not know where to start). We have done a bit of planning of treatment dependent of the impact on taxes. We currently have access to a 20% rebate on excess medical out of pocket expenses (>$2,000 in a tax year) but this runs out in June. We are 'front ending' as much as we can before this runs out.

One way you may be able to save is in the egg pickup procedure. Check with your clinic as to what they do - is it in a hospital in theatre with sedation or do they do it in a treatment room with just a local?

Be realistic about your chances as well. IVF etc is another area where it is easy to fall in to the 'one more (cycle/year)' trap because the next one is the one that will definitely work. If you have limited finances think about how best to use them to achieve your desired result.

As I mentioned upthread we are looking at South Africa if our current frozen cycle does not work. Why? $18K AUS would cover the out of pockets on about 5-6 full cycles, our issue is age/bad eggs so realistically we have about a 5% chance of success on each of these cycles. That same money would give us one full cycle in South Africa with an egg donor and much younger eggs and a 55-70% chance of success.

Still no guarantee but a much better likelihood of a positive outcome. I am not getting younger and my eggs will just get worse in the time it takes to go through those 6 cycles. The donor cycle success rates are roughly the same between USA and South Africa due to similarities in donor criteria and treatment process and we can can do a cycle in South Africa for half the cost of a USA cycle. This is partly due to the payment to the donor (SA = $500 US set amount vs USA = $5,000 US minimum) and also a more favourable exchange rate.

There are also the emotional considerations, can I/we cope with 6 more cycles with little chance of success? Definitely not. Can I/we cope with one or two donor cycles with a much higher chance of success? Yes.

[Mr. McGibblets]

From a mustachian perspective - does anyone else have any ideas for paying for treatment? So far I've seen medical tourism, trying to negotiate a rate w/ the fertility company (unsuccessful, but may work for other providers). I really wish my insurance would cover at least part of it, but unfortunately that is not the case.

It's hard.  Not exclusively about finances (but not entirely unrelated either) I can tell you that the one question that really worked for me in decision-making about the whole process from beginning to end was, "If I try this and it doesn't work, will I regret having tried it?"  The only other tip I have (besides those you've listed) is to try to group things in ways that maximize the tax-savings that can be associated with medical care.  Basically this amounts to either spreading it out over 2 years (to maximize the amount that can be covered using a flexible spending account if your employers offer them) or lumping as much as you can in one, particularly if it will be a low income year and particularly if you can squeeze any other needed medical bills in there -- if your expenses exceed 10% of your AGI (double-check this, may have changed), you can claim the amount you're over that as a deduction (so, keeping the math simple, if your income is $100K and you spend $25K you can deduct $15K = $25K-10%(100K). 

If you are leaving a job during a year for any reason and have funds "planned" for your flex account, you can go ahead and spend them (all) while you're employed/before you leave, and not have to pay them back.  So if you plan to set aside $3K (again, trying to keep the math simple), work only in January and therefore have only $250 deducted, you can still spend the $3K and get a credit for that against your flex account -- your employer has to cover the difference.

You can also talk to your doctor about the different cost across the meds used (different brands, etc.), but those are generally pretty minimal as I recall (i.e. small savings overall by using a different brand). 

HTH.

Thank you very much for these FSA suggestions.

One follow up question - I read that if you live in one of 15 states that require insurers to either cover or offer coverage for IVF (live in VA, which is not one of those states). Does anyone have experience in moving to a state (would move to Maryland in my case) temporarily to get coverage?

[bythesea]

So sorry to hear that you and several others are going through IVF. 

I went through it 16 years ago, and our daughter is now 15.  It took two cycles, but this was after numerous cycles of Clomid, iui, etc.  We were lucky in that our insurance covered just about everything including the medication, which would have been 5k alone.  Total out of pocket for two cycles (the first one was canceled due to extreme over stimulation) was about 6k.  In all, it took us 4 years to get pregnant from the start of trying, through testing, and finally getting a positive result.  It was the LONGEST 4 years of my life but SO very worth it.  I wanted to try for number 2, but other health issues came up and we decided it was not worth the risk.

HTH

[whitedragon]

I was just going to start a post and I saw this one. 

** Unrelated, but is it customary to refer to Spouses as DH or DW here?  I notice alot of folks do that, but I'm not familiar with the etiquette.**

In any event, DW or my wife, or...our family, or whatever gets the point across, are going through this right now, have been trying for several years as well.  It is literally the worst experience ever, which I'm sure all of you know.  I want to reach through the computer and give each of you a hug right now, because its just that awful.

Basically, my own conundrum is that, we have another cycle scheduled in June.  This would be cycle number 3, and cycles number 1 and 2 yielded ONE total good embryo, and out of pocket expense is between 25 to 30k at this point.  I'm looking at another 10 to 15k hit for round 3, and I'm trying to decide if its worth it to start dipping into my "stash/stache" at the expense of a quicker FI date since even though we make decent money, 30k out of pocket and another 10k in several months is alot of capital to come up with and also try to still save a little.  We could go later then June as well to give more time to raise the funds, but DW/Wife/Partner/Lady is older and time is off the essence in terms of viability.

How have you all paying for this stuff?  Home Equity Loan?  Dip into your stache, panhandle on the street corner?  Am I crazy for even thinking this way?

[Rage]

It comes right out of the stash without a second thought.  I estimate each cycle sets us back about a year.  Two years if it's successful :) 

[frugalnacho]

I started a thread last november following our path through infertility: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/fertility-clinics-and-costs/

We just went back for another IUI this week.  We are planning to do 2-3 rounds of IUI this time, then take some time off and try naturally while we save money, and then do IVF at the end of this year or beginning of 2016.

[GCinOKC]

We have struggled with infertility as well, but did not go with IVF. We actually did IUI, but determined we did not feel strongly enough about having a baby ourselves to risk the money on IVF. Due to some different circumstances, just one round of IUI ended up totaling about $3,000 for us (insurance covered 0% of it). We were quoted around $20,000 for one round of IVF with a 30%-40% chance of it working for us.

My wife has always wanted to adopt and I was always very open to it, so we discussed it and determined it was the best way to proceed with us getting our baby. We are working through an agency called Gladney Center For Adoption out of Ft Worth, TX. We started out going through DHS which is the most needed avenue and the least cost involved as well. However, it was very likely that we would need to be open to a child over the age of 8 to adopt through DHS unless we wanted to try foster to adopt which, again, is quite risky as you could raise the baby for 3 years and then have it taken away (I had this happen to 2 other people I know)...so, ultimately we decided to go through the adoption agency this first time around and we have been waiting for 12 months as of this month. They don't anticipate us having to wait more than another 3-6 months at this point in time so that is exciting. We are very open to what we are willing to accept with our baby though, so our wait time is slightly less than average. If we, for instance, said we only want a white baby with perfect health background and we want to know everything about the birthmother and father...we'd be waiting much longer. Those things are not as important to us as starting our family! :) We might try IVF a year or two after getting our baby through Gladney, but most likely we will adopt through DHS next, whether through foster to adopt, or through the DHS adoption program and help an older child.

I'm not trying to discredit those who choose IVF or other fertility treatments, but if you have it in your heart that you could be open to adoption please look into it at least. Especially if you'd be open to adopting a young child rather than an infant. It is needed so badly and thousands of children get passed around through foster care until they age out of the system. I have learned so much about adoption in the past 12 months that I really feel strongly about it and try to promote it when possible!

Okay, off my soapbox! :) Good luck no matter what you do!!

[Rage]

"have you considered adoption?"  - somebody in everyone of these fucking threads.

It's not like there are so many unwanted babies that they have to run commercials for them like they do for dogs and cats.  It would be selfish of me to pursue adoption.  There are people who can't have children even with IVF (due to cancer or other reasons), I would be taking a baby away from one of them.

It costs a lot of money to adopt, and is just as fraught with emotional pitfalls, so why even bring it up?  It's not relevant to this discussion. 

It's like if every time someone on an AndroidOS forum posted anything like "phone keeps crashing, help!" somebody posted "have you considered buying an iPhone?"

[TheRedHead]

Wow Rage your name speaks well for you.

We adopted our amazing son and while we could have done IVF we chose not to because of the likelihood of the procedure not working.

"Taking a baby away from someone"?! Really?! In case you were unaware, the birth mother is generally the one who does the choosing in an open adoption. And there are many, many children born who need good homes with loving parents and families.

Of course there are more dogs and cats that need adoption - that's like comparing apples and triangles.

Adoption is not for everyone and people should respect someone's decision. There can be heartbreak and stress same as with any pregnancy. I personally, wouldn't change a thing - it was a truly magical and amazing experience and we could not be more blessed than we are with our son.

[TheFrugalFox]

I know absolutely nothing about  IVF - but was going to add that you might want to check out how much it might cost in South Africa. I see someone beat me to it - I do know one Aussie that came over and did it - she really enjoyed the experience. Our doctors are very good - many of course work overseas in USA, Canada and Europe. Our private medical hospitals groups are excellent - they also run private hospitals in UK, Switzerland and Middle East. Very much a 1st world service - our public hospitals though are going down hill fast as corruption and employment equity BS is killing this country.

[Colgate_Toothpaste]

It's interesting seeing what the cost of IVF is.  I worked on the process to manufacture and validate embryonic transfer catheters for about 5 years (including designing much of the tooling/equipment), so I know what the cost is to produce the devices.  I can't give out any info on it because of the NDA I signed about 300 times.  The testing and validation was extensive, and the inspection process is extremely involved.

[GRSConstruction]

Haha wow, Rage, I don't know if you intended for it to, but your stupid comments make you sound like a total douche bag...you clearly have no idea what you're talking about and don't seem to understand that some people have stories that may involve IVF...AND adoption in responding to the OP's question about experiences with IVF. Even more odd is your strange problem with someone being pro adoption when talking about IVF? Get the fuck over it. Good for those that have success with either one. Don't be such a dumbass...

[Zamboni]

Back on topic .  .  .

IVF is an emotional roller coaster as others have stated. Please do a LOT of research up front and find the absolute best clinic in your area. Clinics have to report data on success rates that you should be able to find on the internet. In our area the success rates varied wildly, and we felt like we did our due diligence and used the best clinic we could, and that was important to us.

If it works, then it will certainly be worth the money. If you do it, please try very hard not to think about the money as you go. Budget and resign yourself to a certain amount up front after talking with their financial people (say enough for three cycles being sure to factor in the cost of medicines.)  Bear in mind that the first cycle they are not sure how the response will be to the meds for ripening the eggs, so really it is just plain luck if the first time works.  They can adjust the meds on the 2nd or 3rd trial, if needed, to get more eggs. Then just try not to think about money or talk about it after that. Once you've decided, you are all in up to a certain number of tries that you might want to decide in advance. Yes, it might be worth getting a cheap apt in Maryland, but would you then need a MD employer?   

Join a live support group if you can find one (our local hospital had one for women coping with infertility that was very helpful.)  There are also online support group forums specific to infertility and even more specific to IVF.

Good luck!