work etiquette - gift giving peer pressure at work

[BZB]

I got an email at work today from someone I've never met, but who works in my huge department. This person sent the email to about 20 people who report to one of our company vice presidents. In the email she said that "we" decided that since this VP is an "avid hunter" we would like to buy him a $400 Yeti cooler as a Christmas gift, and everyone should pitch in $20. If that is too much for our budget, we may give less or we can speak to her directly.

My thoughts: 1) While I like this particular VP, it is inappropriate to give extravagant gifts like that to a boss 2) I no longer work directly for that boss anyway, I now have a boss lower on the hierarchy 3) This woman doesn't even know me and is asking me to contribute to a gift and I had no part in planning it. 4) The request was just plain tacky. 5) while I wouldn't begrudge the $20 gift for a worthy cause, I don't think this VP is hurting for cash, and I'd rather keep my $20. 6) why the fuck would a cooler cost $400?

I've only been at this company for a year, and I am trying to make a good impression based on my work so I can create a higher paying position for myself eventually. I would like to move into a managerial role because that is the road to higher pay at this company. I know people skills and understanding office politics are important for getting promoted. However, brown-nosing is not part of my strategy. Several people have already responded to the email using "reply all" to say they will happily contribute.

I think the best course is to ignore the email, but I wanted to hear thoughts from some Mustachians.

[iwasjustwondering]

Yeah, just ignore the email.  We have this weird thing at work where we only celebrate birthdays of VPs and above.  The rest of us have to show up and sing and stuff.  Weird.

[lielec11]

Yeah, just ignore the email.  We have this weird thing at work where we only celebrate birthdays of VPs and above.  The rest of us have to show up and sing and stuff.  Weird.

That sounds awful. All I can picture is Jennifer Aniston in Office Space.

[Taran Wanderer]

Shouldn't the VP giving gifts to subordinates rather than the other way around?

[surfhb]

Unless you're fucking the boss its completely inappropriate to give gifts

[Nickyd£g]

That is completely inappropriate.  And very tacky.  I told our departmental Christmas organiser I won't be participating in Secret Santa this year as I don't want to spend £10 on toiletries only to get back £10 worth of toiletries/bottle of wine/chocolate/plastic crap.  I have however bought my boss a £2 mug with a funny picture on it and a wee bottle of nail varnish for my immediate team member (I sit beside both of them).  I'm pretty sure my boss will buy us a bottle of wine or something too.

[Señora Savings]

Is there someone at the office that you feel comfortable talking with about this?  It is my understanding that gift giving at work is both optional and goes from managers to subordinates.   But if this is a standard practice at your office and you want to get along with people maybe you should give in.

My bet is that the e-mail sender will be the one that hands the gift to the VP and says "we all got this for you" and gets credit for getting VP a present without paying for it and without it looking too obviously like a bribe.  The people that reply all are feel obligated to give but aren't going to do it without getting credit in the office for being part of the gift giving.

[GizmoTX]

My bet is that the e-mail sender will be the one that hands the gift to the VP and says "we all got this for you" and gets credit for getting VP a present without paying for it and without it looking too obviously like a bribe.  The people that reply all are feel obligated to give but aren't going to do it without getting credit in the office for being part of the gift giving.

Exactly my reaction. And the other contributors may not get the same credit. Or the e-mail sender is really naive.

If you know the e-mail sender very well, you should let him/her know you won't be participating because it's inappropriate. Otherwise ignore it.

[CryingInThePool]

You don't gift up - ever.  There's just no way it ends well.   I'd totally ignore the email. 

[Catbert]

I would ignore the e-mail, but you do need to think about what you'll reply if she calls or asks you in person whether you're participating.  Some people have a lot of nerve that way.  Their are a variety of appropriate answers...no longer direct report to VP, don't participate in office gift giving, thought she was kidding (gift for the boss, what?!?) or whatever.  Just think of something so you don't get caught with a deer-in-the-headlights look if she ask again.  Some people are quick on their feet verbally, others are not.  I'm guessing that you and I aren't so I try to think ahead of a response you're comfortable with.

[BZB]

Thanks to all who replied. I don't know the person who sent the request at all, so I am going to ignore the email. However, Mary W has a good point that I should be prepared if she follows up. I will tell her that I don't work for that VP anymore, which is true. If she pushes I will tell her that I have always heard it is inappropriate to give large gifts to higher ups.
I don't feel comfortable enough with my other co-workers who also received the email to discuss it with them. We are not a close group.

[retired?]

Yah, ignore it.  You are very likely not alone in your reaction to such a request.

At best, it should be a congratulatory gift for some event (had a baby, moving to a diff office, etc.) and without a $$ amount, i.e. see what you get then buy.

But, I've never bought an Xmas gift for a colleague....at all.  And, never had that requested of me.  Sounds like the particular lady is trying to suck up.

Sometimes it does go downward (e.g. boss buys each of his team members a bottle of wine), but I think that is rare, too.

[Calvawt]

I agree to ignore it and just have an answer ready if she somehow tracks you down. 

I am a VP and don't like to give or receive gifts at work because I have almost 60 people under me.  Someone would get their feelings hurt.  I use my employee recognition funds to host a holiday lunch and have some drawings for gift cards.

[Zamboni]

^That sounds like a generous deal.

I used to spend part of my work week in a small unit (about 10 people.)  Every year the boss mandated a "secret" holiday gift exchange and lunch out together at the restaurant of her choice.  Except that she didn't pick up the tab for lunch.  And the "secret" wasn't really secret because everything that got opened was met with her asking "who bought that?"  While no one had the nerve to just not contribute a gift on the mandatory day, a few people did buy highly tacky gifts in protest.  She didn't get it, though.  The last year I was in that group I donated the prescribed amount to a local charity and packed the acknowledgement card in a festive looking box.  That very visibly pissed her off, but several other people seemed please by it.  So glad to have moved on . . .   

Ignore and delete the email about the gift for the VP. 

[Goldielocks]

^That sounds like a generous deal.

I used to spend part of my work week in a small unit (about 10 people.)  Every year the boss mandated a "secret" holiday gift exchange and lunch out together at the restaurant of her choice.  Except that she didn't pick up the tab for lunch.  And the "secret" wasn't really secret because everything that got opened was met with her asking "who bought that?"  While no one had the nerve to just not contribute a gift on the mandatory day, a few people did buy highly tacky gifts in protest.  She didn't get it, though.  The last year I was in that group I donated the prescribed amount to a local charity and packed the acknowledgement card in a festive looking box.  That very visibly pissed her off, but several other people seemed please by it.  So glad to have moved on . . .   

Ignore and delete the email about the gift for the VP.

Ooooo.  I love the charity idea..  Of course I would attach a homemade Christmas ornament to it as a take away....

Dang!  Already bought the tobelerone bar for our exchange.

[BZB]

Vawt - I like that as a VP you have the holiday lunch and gift cards - that is the best way.

I also like the charity idea, Zamboni. Our department has an ornament gift exchange party every year. We have people from many different faiths, and an office manager said that next year we will need to have something less Christmas based so we don't exclude people of other faiths. I suggested a group volunteer project. Our organization encourages volunteering. The office ladies looked at me like I had three heads. I guess I should not mess with their ornament exchange.