What was the lowest point of your life ????

[dude]

I feel like I've never had any significant lows. Kinda reminds me of the Lyle Lovett song, "All Downhill From Here":

I've had an excellent time so far
 There's only one thing that I fear
 I've been up so long on this lucky star
 It could be all downhill from here
 It could be all downhill from here

But if I look back, then yeah, there were a couple lows.  First was parents divorcing when I was @12, right after we moved to a new town far from my old town.  I was in the gifted students program in my old town, a whip smart kid who adults fawned over.  The divorce sent my grades plummeting.  Did my first bong hit at 12.  But somehow avoided the fate that many of my classmates met in that dying blue collar town.  Grades didn't really improve, and I seriously underachieved right on through graduation from high school (except - and man, when I look back, this makes me wistful -- for my French classes; in my school, foreign languages were offered to the best students starting in 7th grade, by invitation only; my grades were shit, but many of the teachers knew I'd been a star student years before; so they offered me a foreign language class and I chose French because my grandmother was French Canadian; I was so grateful for the opportunity, and for the confidence expressed by my teachers in my ability to take these classes, that I flat-out aced French right through my sophomore year in H.S., despite all my other grades being decidedly subpar), but I avoided getting caught up in regularly smoking weed like many of my classmates. Sports was a big part of that, I think.  But for sure, I carried around a lot of anger for many years (probably still carry a residual amount) as a result of that divorce (got arrested three times before my 18th birthday, got in lots of fights).  But I bootstrapped my way to a pretty sweet life.

The second was 9/11 -- I worked just a few blocks away in downtown Manhattan.  Left my office to walk up the street and see the damage to the north tower from the first plane. Was standing there below the building just a couple blocks away when the sound of the second plane split the air like a siren wail -- and watched in horror as it banked that improbable high speed turn and slammed into the south tower, exploding in a huge fireball that looked like something straight out of a Hollywood thriller.  Utter panic ensued, and I scrambled back to work to man the command center. Watched the towers fall and had to assist in barricading our front door to panicked people covered in ash looking for a place to take refuge (it wouldn't do to have civilians storming the doors of a federal prison).  Stayed at work for 3 days before I finally got to go home and shower up. Spent the next few days working search and rescue on "The Pile."  Watched bodybags pass by and smelled the sickly sweet smell of burnt flesh, mixed in with the toxic smell of metal, plastic, wiring, etc. burning.  Passed by and through that site day after day on my way to and from work as it burned for months on end.  I'm registered with the World Trade Center Health Registry, and they monitor my health annually (phone call questionnaire), and as a result I have this sort of back of the mind dread about one day getting the bad news that I've got some kind of cancer related to my exposure at the WTC site (as has been the case with so many first responders).

But all in all, I think I live a pretty charmed life, which is why I sometimes think, as Lyle intones, "it could be all downhill from here."

[G-dog]

^wow! scary and tragic day.

[patchyfacialhair]

...

Dude, wow. Thanks for sharing.

My low is going to an expensive private college for my freshman year, not studying, doing bad things, which ended with a 1.7 GPA and no more financial support from parents. I moved, got a retail job, went to community college, and it took me 6 years to get a BS degree, but it worked out in the end. So basically...not that low of a low. After reading all these stories, I know I've had an amazing and privileged life.

[exmmmer]

So many possibilities to choose from. I'd probably win the 'who had it the worst' competition in most groups. But if I had to choose...

yeah, probably the night I spent in a Salvation Army shelter. I was driven there by a 'friend' after coming home to find ambulances, cops, and in-laws everywhere and another man with my wife and kids. Had horrid oatmeal and bitter coffee the next morning. Walked away and never went back.

[Northwestie]

Quite the array of the human experience here an a hell of a bunch of resilience.  Cheers.

[MishMash]

There have been many. 

1st. young and dumb just turned 18, get kicked out of college for fighting, go home, wait tables, had a "friend" stuff 100 bucks worth of stolen goods in my backpack she was holding while I went pee, got arrested for shoplifting, didn't want to tell my parents so just took the court punishment (dumb move by the way).   It culminated in my boss, an asshat of epic proportions, screaming at me that he was going to dock my pay 10 dollars to account for the "lost electricity" I had cost him because in the Friday night rush, I shut the door to the walk in and it didn't latch properly for 10 minutes.  He proceeded to scream at me in a restaurant FULL of people that I was worthless and wouldn't amount to anything.   I had a customer offer me a job on the spot, I took it, worked the rest of the year there then went back to school, graduated with honors (even after almost kicking the bucket from a severe illness), graduated grad school and landed a good job.

2nd.  2015

If it was bad, it happened.  Job is horrendous, dad is ill, DH leaves epic cool kid military school to come see dad, gets given shit non stop by coworkers, falls into deep depression over it.  Dads killed in accident the following month, mom suffers severe injuries, TBI etc.  I pretty much worked in my office M-Th then drove 5 hours to spend the weekends with her for rehab, try to save the house from foreclosure etc.  Just about to come out the other side of it in the end of the summer/fall and our grandfather passes.  While flying across the country to hopefully see him before he passes I receive word one of our close friends just committed suicide, land on the other coast and one of our other friends (BFF of the one that killed himself) is on the verge of doing it as well.  Oddly enough this guy lives in the same city as grandfather.  We land at the airport, split up, I go to BFF, DH goes to his grandfather.  He passed away on the car ride to the hospital.  I was able to get to other friends house and talk him out of it while removing firing pins from all his weapons.  We also saw every major appliance in the house go, to include our 2 year old fridge, and our PARKED car get hit...twice, and the roof needing repair, huge vet and boarding bills etc.  By December, DH and I were in full on "fuck it" stage

[AmandaS1989]

Damn. I hope things get better soon for you. I think you're overdue for some good things to happen.

[merula]

My low points are so very, very minor compared to the others in this thread, but I think they're worth sharing for the lessons I learned.

Summer after my freshman year of college. I worked 5-6 days a week, generally 25-30 hours. The pay wasn't bad for a student, $1.50 above minimum at the time, and I was living at home so I didn't have to pay rent. Only I got to the end of the summer and found that I didn't have anything to show for it. I had somehow blown through ALL my earnings, even though I never did things that seemed expensive. (Very little alcohol, no drugs, no fancypants shopping or restaurants, mostly hanging out at friends' houses and eating frozen pizza.) To this day, I don't know how I spent that much money. I tried to go back through my checking statement and receipts, but I was only able to track about half of it.

The lesson I learned was that if I don't keep track of my spending, money disappears. I was distraught for weeks and furious with myself, but I'm so glad I learned that lesson at 19. And I've kept records of more or less every purchase since, which is a good chunk of the reason why I'm in a stable financial position today.

Secondarily, about 15 months ago I had applied and interviewed for 8 different internal positions at my company, and didn't get any of them. I also didn't get any constructive feedback and 5 of the 8 roles had been filled by men with less applicable experience than me, which made me think that the company I thought was so great and fair wasn't at all, and I had wasted 8 years of my life here and was never going to get anywhere.

Only then I heard about another role, very different from all the others. And the more I heard, the more I liked it. And I got it, partially because I had gotten pretty good at interviews given all that practice. A few weeks back, I was asked if I was interested in one of the jobs that I didn't get. Nope, no way, there is not a single one of those jobs that I would take over the one I have now.

[Daughn]

A few years back I had several tragedies happen within a very short period of time. My grandmother and my brother died, my relationship broke up and I was dealing with whether or not to close my business. I was at my wits end and my health was failing. It was then that I decided that life was to short to not enjoy the little time we have. I picked myself up by the bootstraps, sold my business, found and married the girl of my dreams and am now on my way to early retirement and a happy/healthy life.

[Prodigal Daughter]

Working hard to get into law school at 20, succeeding, then finding out I was pregnant due to birth control failing. Then my boyfriend at the time (who had just graduated and got his first job) lost his job, and tried to guilt me him into moving in with me (so he wouldn't have to work- presumably 'for the baby').
When I told him that he needed to find a job first (so I wasn't supporting two of us while studying and pregnant) he broke up with me and moved home with his parents, who promptly blamed me for the pregnancy and ruining their prodigal son (he was now too 'depressed' to work or move out).
 
My mother was disappointed and told me not to expect her support at all. It was a very lonely, isolating time. I went to pregnancy classes alone, worked 50hrs a week to save up, never had a baby shower, and had no support or care, just a lot of judgement (When my married sister had a baby, at the age of 30, in contrast, she was celebrated and supported and everyone wanted to buy her baby things and feed her and help her celebrate - if I didn't love my sister so much the disparity would've made me quite bitter, but there's no point getting upset about it now!)

Anyway, it was the making of me. I am a stronger, more focused, more driven person than I would've been otherwise. At 32, I'm successful in my career and working towards my second Masters degree.
My kid is the best kid in the world, and he is so well adjusted and kind. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wouldn't change it for anything (though I make sure to go out of my way to support pregnant teenagers that I encounter at work at times, by being a caring, non judgmental supporter, and buying them a little gift so they know that someone cares for them and wishes them the best for the upcoming baby).
It is the low points that allow you to appreciate the high points.

I identify so much. I was 23 when I got pregnant and had already graduated. I was working at a job that I liked but it didn't pay much. It certainly wasn't going to be my career. I wasn't exactly cut out of the family but I was deemed a disappointment as well. Extended family members even wrote me letters to tell me what an awful example I was to my cousins. While the family of my s.o. at the time had a baby shower for me, my mother was appalled that she even received an invitation. I busted my ass to raise twins, get a better paying job, obtain a masters degree by the time they were two, and advance in my career. I never got a dime of help from my parents. Now they love my children since other grandchildren from my married brother quickly followed. My 30 year old sister just got married a year ago and is expecting her first child. When I called my mom to ask about going in together on a gift she asked "I forget, what did I get you?" And I had to respond "Nothing..."  Talk about awkward silence. And she said, "Oh, I'm sure I got you something!" And I had to say, no, sorry, I hustled and got all my big ticket items - crib, car seats, stroller, high chairs, etc. second hand. I didn't get gifts from my family to celebrate my children.

For some reason, probably because of my sister's pregnancy, it's all kind of coming back in a wave of sadness on me this year and I'm realizing how much damage her reaction and other family members reactions did to the bonds between me and them. I feel nothing but happiness toward my sister and BIL but I am realizing I'm still very upset at the way I was treated ten years ago by my mom and my extended family. (Gotta figure out how to let that go...)

[drunkenNoodles]

Working hard to get into law school at 20, succeeding, then finding out I was pregnant due to birth control failing. Then my boyfriend at the time (who had just graduated and got his first job) lost his job, and tried to guilt me him into moving in with me (so he wouldn't have to work- presumably 'for the baby').
When I told him that he needed to find a job first (so I wasn't supporting two of us while studying and pregnant) he broke up with me and moved home with his parents, who promptly blamed me for the pregnancy and ruining their prodigal son (he was now too 'depressed' to work or move out).
 
My mother was disappointed and told me not to expect her support at all. It was a very lonely, isolating time. I went to pregnancy classes alone, worked 50hrs a week to save up, never had a baby shower, and had no support or care, just a lot of judgement (When my married sister had a baby, at the age of 30, in contrast, she was celebrated and supported and everyone wanted to buy her baby things and feed her and help her celebrate - if I didn't love my sister so much the disparity would've made me quite bitter, but there's no point getting upset about it now!)

Anyway, it was the making of me. I am a stronger, more focused, more driven person than I would've been otherwise. At 32, I'm successful in my career and working towards my second Masters degree.
My kid is the best kid in the world, and he is so well adjusted and kind. I wouldn't change it for the world. I wouldn't change it for anything (though I make sure to go out of my way to support pregnant teenagers that I encounter at work at times, by being a caring, non judgmental supporter, and buying them a little gift so they know that someone cares for them and wishes them the best for the upcoming baby).
It is the low points that allow you to appreciate the high points.

I identify so much. I was 23 when I got pregnant and had already graduated. I was working at a job that I liked but it didn't pay much. It certainly wasn't going to be my career. I wasn't exactly cut out of the family but I was deemed a disappointment as well. Extended family members even wrote me letters to tell me what an awful example I was to my cousins. While the family of my s.o. at the time had a baby shower for me, my mother was appalled that she even received an invitation. I busted my ass to raise twins, get a better paying job, obtain a masters degree by the time they were two, and advance in my career. I never got a dime of help from my parents. Now they love my children since other grandchildren from my married brother quickly followed. My 30 year old sister just got married a year ago and is expecting her first child. When I called my mom to ask about going in together on a gift she asked "I forget, what did I get you?" And I had to respond "Nothing..."  Talk about awkward silence. And she said, "Oh, I'm sure I got you something!" And I had to say, no, sorry, I hustled and got all my big ticket items - crib, car seats, stroller, high chairs, etc. second hand. I didn't get gifts from my family to celebrate my children.

For some reason, probably because of my sister's pregnancy, it's all kind of coming back in a wave of sadness on me this year and I'm realizing how much damage her reaction and other family members reactions did to the bonds between me and them. I feel nothing but happiness toward my sister and BIL but I am realizing I'm still very upset at the way I was treated ten years ago by my mom and my extended family. (Gotta figure out how to let that go...)

I can relate. I struggle every day with feelings towards a family member who screwed me financially many times. I love them to death and that feeling is mutual, but I can't get over the damage done. I actually have voiced these feelings to this person but they just don't seem to grasp the impact it had on me; they are quite selfish.

I've found that even if a lot of time has passed, in your case ten years, those feelings just get buried and don't go away. It didn't solve the problem for me, but confronting the person/people allowed me to have some permanent release of the built up anger and resentment I felt.

No matter what, you can't change the past or the character of those who treated you badly. But you can be honest about your feelings. Something I also did that helped was wrote a letter detailing every emotion and feeling about the situation. I gave that letter to the person and It helped me to express all my feelings without interruption and with detail and organized, rational thought. It also gave me clarity and revealed some things i didn't realize.

I think part of love and family is understanding that people are irrational, mean, and act in selfish ways even to loved ones. We are pretty damn flawed and shitty in a lot of ways. Forgiving and realizing he/she/they are imperfect, and taking pity on them can also really help.

I can't imagine how the people feel who I've been shitty to throughout my life. I come from a stubborn, uncommunicative Irish/German family. I've made it a point to be the opposite. I don't want to be like my family who hides everything and buries deep down the issues that cause resentment. I think it's for the best to set a precedent of honesty and communication especially with our young children. I'd rather fight and be honest than harbor deep hatred, guilt, and resentment any day. I'd rather have emotionally honest children, even overly-so.

Jeeze, sorry for the novel there... :) That was a bit of therapy for myself but I hope there's something helpful in there.

[Lanthiriel]

My lowest point was 2011-2014. I got married young, and no one would describe my husband as ambitious. He is, however, very, very smart. He already had six years of full-time school under his belt when we got married in 2009, but was nowhere close to a degree. In 2010, he was going to school using the Western Undergraduate Exchange program (reduced out of state tuition), which was cut because he was over the credit limit. So he went to school part-time for a year to gain residency (and in-state tuition), but when he did, he ran out of federal student loans. For the 2011-2012 school year, I worked a full-time job and graded papers for an online university at night while he took as many classes as we could pay for. He was supposed to graduate in 2012... until he flunked a class in his final semester that only comes around once a year in the spring. I was exhausted, sick of being poor, and felt used. Between the two of us, we had $80,000 in student loan debt, a car payment, and no savings. We were making maybe $60,000/year combined, but money for school was flying out the door.

I wanted to leave. I was miserable. I viewed my husband as a rock that was holding down my very bright future. We went to counseling and talked everything through. We decided to stay together, but that year while he was working part-time at a retail store (not a great economy in Portland...) and I was still doing my job and a half was a dark one for me. I was over Portland, over our life together, but fearful that if I didn't stay he wouldn't take that final step to getting his degree.

By the time he took that last class in spring 2013, I had already made plans for us to move to Alaska. The job market is better up here, and I knew that the only way we were going to work was with a fresh start. About three days after we got up here, I found out that he had lied to me about flunking a second class back in 2012 and when I thought he was at a "study group," he was actually retaking ANOTHER class that his mom paid for. There I was in a brand new place where he was the only person that I knew for 2500 miles, and the man I loved for being so genuine had kept a huge secret from me for more than a year. I was devastated, but felt trapped.

Luckily Alaska is magic for us and things quickly started falling into place. We both got better jobs, and he finally wound up in his field. He made $40k in three months in the spring of 2014 doing field work, which helped us wipe out a huge amount of student loan debt. We worked on our marriage--on communication and goal setting and standing up for ourselves.

2015 was our first good year in a long time, and things are really looking up for us. I finally see us making it in the long term. After going through so much, we know how the other one works in a crisis. Now we have a house, are down to $8,000 in student loan debt, and are actively pursuing FIRE. The whole experience has taken kids off the table for us, though. I just don't trust him enough to be able to care for himself and another person, and it's not something I'm willing to do alone. Not to mention that I feel like we've done so much growing up in the last five years that the last thing I need is to start the process over of raising another person.

[Prodigal Daughter]

I can relate. I struggle every day with feelings towards a family member who screwed me financially many times. I love them to death and that feeling is mutual, but I can't get over the damage done. I actually have voiced these feelings to this person but they just don't seem to grasp the impact it had on me; they are quite selfish.

I've found that even if a lot of time has passed, in your case ten years, those feelings just get buried and don't go away. It didn't solve the problem for me, but confronting the person/people allowed me to have some permanent release of the built up anger and resentment I felt.

No matter what, you can't change the past or the character of those who treated you badly. But you can be honest about your feelings. Something I also did that helped was wrote a letter detailing every emotion and feeling about the situation. I gave that letter to the person and It helped me to express all my feelings without interruption and with detail and organized, rational thought. It also gave me clarity and revealed some things i didn't realize.

I think part of love and family is understanding that people are irrational, mean, and act in selfish ways even to loved ones. We are pretty damn flawed and shitty in a lot of ways. Forgiving and realizing he/she/they are imperfect, and taking pity on them can also really help.

I can't imagine how the people feel who I've been shitty to throughout my life. I come from a stubborn, uncommunicative Irish/German family. I've made it a point to be the opposite. I don't want to be like my family who hides everything and buries deep down the issues that cause resentment. I think it's for the best to set a precedent of honesty and communication especially with our young children. I'd rather fight and be honest than harbor deep hatred, guilt, and resentment any day. I'd rather have emotionally honest children, even overly-so.

Jeeze, sorry for the novel there... :) That was a bit of therapy for myself but I hope there's something helpful in there.

No worries. Sometimes it's cathartic just to type it all out, which is why I posted. I also come from a very uncommunicative Irish/German family. They all talk about each other, just not to each other. And serious conversations with my mother tend to be unproductive. She is so set in her ways and sees the world as very black and white. I feel like I live in the gray area so our worldviews just do not match up. It all comes down to her thinking I made a "sinful" choice to have sex when I wasn't married and since that is her core belief, there's no arguing with that. And yet, it's only about the public appearance. She's not dumb. I'm sure she does not believe my brother or sister were virgins on their wedding nights, but that doesn't matter. They didn't live with their fiancés (technically) so she's happy that she can feel superior over her friends whose kids may live with their partners or not get married in a church!

[EscapeVelocity2020]

I can relate.
...
Jeeze, sorry for the novel there... :) That was a bit of therapy for myself but I hope there's something helpful in there.

No worries. Sometimes it's cathartic just to type it all out, which is why I posted. I also come from a very uncommunicative Irish/German family. They all talk about each other, just not to each other. And serious conversations with my mother tend to be unproductive.
...

As I said in my first post, thank goodness for internet anonymity!  It is cathartic to throw out to 'the world' your most vulnerable moment and then move on knowing you are moving (have moved) forward.  It didn't kill you then, although maybe still haunts you and retards progress in other areas, but now the whole world knows and you keep movin' on!  Strangers and people from all walks at life are privy to your struggles, and they aren't giving you grief for being sad and pathetic, so maybe you should start cutting yourself a break on IRL perceived hardship.

[mozar]

I noticed that modern life is a lot different than my parents and current extended family thought :)

What do you mean?

[BlueHouse]

Sibling died when I was in college. I held it together, meaning no major bouts of uncontrollable sobbing, but I was a walking zombie for months. I was just dead inside and didn't even realize it or want to change it.  A friend  pulled me aside after 2 or three months and told me my skin was actually grey-and it was just devoid of color and unhealthy from not eating. He was so worried about me because I couldn't smile or laugh. I had no emotion. No opinions about anything.
Very difficult to get through for me.

[protostache]

February 2012 through August 2013 was a slow motion train wreck with small highlights of positivity.

• Feb 2012: Stepfather diagnosed with kidney cancer
• June 2012: Grandfather dies of sudden heart failure
• Oct 2012: Girlfriend's mother diagnosed with colon cancer
• Nov 2012: I'm diagnosed with testicular cancer
• Feb 2013: Propose to my girlfriend while making dinner (meatloaf and mashed potatoes, first meal I had been able to cook for months)
• March 2013: I finish chemo, get declared in remission, visit SF for the first time with my fiance
• April 2013: Stepfather dies
• August 2013: Get married ahead of schedule so my mother in law can attend
• August 2013: I publish my first book
• August 2013: Start moving across the country, Oregon -> Michigan
• August 2013: Mother-in-law dies while I'm driving to Michigan. Thankfully we had decided to fly my wife directly there, so she was able to be present. I drove straight to the wake.

After that things got better. In 2014 we bought a house and had a bigger beautiful wedding with everyone who wanted to attend. 2015 was mostly uneventful, other than publishing another book. This year we'll be welcoming our first child into our family.

[stclurker]

Personal lowest, walking into the county office to apply for all manner of assistance. Basically having to admit I was incapable of taking care of my family and felt nothing but judgment in that office.

We are much better off today and I try very hard to NOT judge those on welfare.

[scrubbyfish]

Following, because this is my new favourite thread.

Thank you, all of you, for surviving what you've survived and healing.

[RobinAZ]

My divorce is final in 8 days. Every dime I had before we got married 3 years ago is gone, and I have $18,000 in credit card debt to pay, $9k on a car, $163k on my house, and $204k in student loans.  I was laid off from three firms because of the recession  - Oct 2010, April 2013 and July 2013.  Haven't worked full time since.  Son was diagnosed with ASD, ODD, mood disorder, and 4 kinds of sensory disorders (plus, highly gifted) two months ago after not being able to function in school for 4 straight years despite reading and math scores that are years above his grade level. Hell, I couldn't hold a full time job if I wanted to, he needs a parent available quite often.  I have $90 to last me until May 2.  Sometimes it feels like I am about 1 more crisis away from an anxiety attack.

We were so poor growing up, I have PTSD from it. No joke. You would think that was my lowest, but I tell you what-- it feels like *right.the.hell.now* is my lowest. Which means it's all up from here.  I won't quit.  I weighed my options, I considered just walking away from everything.  Just not me. 

#jerseygirl #neverrelent #unstoppable

[PAstash]

from 19 to 22 i felt like a pretty big loser. all i did was drink and job hop. i might have had 25+ jobs during that time period. I always felt i was above the work i was doing even tho i didn't have a college education and i was a C student in highschool. i turned 23 landed a great job with consistent raises and benefits now life is good. Sometimes it's bad. the important thing to remember is happy is a state of mind not a state of being.

[scrubbyfish]

My divorce is final in 8 days. [...] Son was diagnosed with ASD [...] Hell, I couldn't hold a full time job if I wanted to, he needs a parent available quite often.  I have $90 to last me until May 2.  Sometimes it feels like I am about 1 more crisis away from an anxiety attack.

We were so poor growing up, I have PTSD from it. No joke. You would think that was my lowest, but I tell you what-- it feels like *right.the.hell.now* is my lowest. Which means it's all up from here.  I won't quit.

:)))))   YES! You're right about where I was at about eight years ago. Yes, you hang in there!! We're here for you. Despite a shitty day today, my life is quite awesome. I could NOT have anticipated this back then. Unstoppable You, yep!

[golfreak12]

My divorce is final in 8 days. Every dime I had before we got married 3 years ago is gone, and I have $18,000 in credit card debt to pay, $9k on a car, $163k on my house, and $204k in student loans.  I was laid off from three firms because of the recession  - Oct 2010, April 2013 and July 2013.  Haven't worked full time since.  Son was diagnosed with ASD, ODD, mood disorder, and 4 kinds of sensory disorders (plus, highly gifted) two months ago after not being able to function in school for 4 straight years despite reading and math scores that are years above his grade level. Hell, I couldn't hold a full time job if I wanted to, he needs a parent available quite often.  I have $90 to last me until May 2.  Sometimes it feels like I am about 1 more crisis away from an anxiety attack.

We were so poor growing up, I have PTSD from it. No joke. You would think that was my lowest, but I tell you what-- it feels like *right.the.hell.now* is my lowest. Which means it's all up from here.  I won't quit.  I weighed my options, I considered just walking away from everything.  Just not me. 

#jerseygirl #neverrelent #unstoppable

Wow, I hope things get better for you......

[arebelspy]

Following.

You all are inspirational.

[MrsCoolCat]

Following & will post mine later. 😊

[2527]

Functioning alcoholism stopped functioning for me at the age of 46.  I was fired in the worst economy since the Great Depression.  Spent 18 months unemployed.  Quit drinking.  Got a good job.  Wasn't too rough because, thanks to a 25-year lifestyle similar to what is recommended here, I went into my troubles with a million dollars and came out with a million dollars. But it was scary thinking I might never rejoin the middle-class professional economy.  Looking back on it, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.  I like to have a cold or flu once in a while now, so I can remember what hangovers feel like.

[Melody]

Being 22 and realising I hated the job I had spent 4 years and >$20k studying for.
Working a second and third job to clear the $5k of credit card debt I had racked up. Working 13 days a fortnight. Feeling broke all the time (Net worth was nearly negative $30k at this point - credit cards and student loans - and income $55-60k with the three jobs - so not as bad as many but I felt so trapped!!!) 3 year relationship had just ended.
5 years later.  Homeowner. (Total debt is 360k - home loan debt, but happy in my well paying job and equity in home is >20% and I have some savings and shares to boot so don't feel trapped.) Happy with job, second and third job are long gone. Just started another relationship.

[BunnyBoi]

Awesome thread guys! Amazing contributions so far.

So here is mine too.

• October 2014: My mother passed away. I was her caretaker for 5 years.
  
  
• December 2014: I was diagnosed with cancer at age 20, just three week after my birthday.
  
  
• January 2015: Went through a major 8 hour surgery with a high risk of death or complication, came out with an infection only.
  
  
• March 2015: Started my chemotherapy that would last for 6 months.
  - During this point I was basically orphaned, disowned by my father for being gay, with an older brother that hated me and thought his girlfriend was more important.
  - During my first few chemo cycles, I cried myself to sleep every night because of the pain.
  - There were days where I just thought killing myself was simpler. I mean I have no one who cares for me and I have no future either way.
  
  
• June 2015: One day I just decided to get on the computer and search up online degrees. I found a well known brick and motor university that offered an online degree. With the credits I have from my diploma I would only need to do the course for a year. So I balanced my online degree with my chemo.
  
  
• September 2015: I finished my chemotherapy. So after 4 hospitalizations and 8 rounds of chemo, I am now in remission, yay!
  
  
• December 2015: I spent new years with some far distant relatives, who I had not seen since I was like 13.
  
  
• April 2016: I am glad to say that I am just one month away from finishing my online degree.
  - While I won't be attending my graduation because its too far and I don't want to go alone (haha). I decided instead to plan a trip to Thailand for at least a week, woot!

What does life have in store for me?
I have no clue!

But! I do have things I still want to do like learn another language, learn to play the guitar and write an amateur book. Hopefully travel to a few countries and maybe join an NGO.

I honestly just find myself lucky in the end of the day. My healthcare was subsides so I didn't have to pay too much upfront, I was still able to continue my education, I guess I just have another chance at life.

So to anyone struggling right now, try your best no matter!

Anyone who want to read my journey can follow the link below
https://thebucketliststory.wordpress.com/[/list]

[Zoot Allures]

Not really the lowest point, but the one that comes to mind...

I remember sitting in my car in the late 90s, staring at the credit cards in my hands and full of shame that I had just used one card to get a cash advance at a bank so I could make my payments on a few other cards. I knew it was insane, but I was stubborn and refused to default on my debts, even if it meant digging myself into a bigger hole. I learned my lesson, and I think one of the reasons that I love the churning/travel hacking hobby today is that it allows me to feel like I'm living dangerously with credit cards while exerting total control in a way that would have been impossible for me in my 20s.

[gman]

Age 7 came home from school to find our stuff out on the front lawn. Cool... start jumping on my bed outside. We had been staying with our grandmother and she died so we got evicted. Oldest brother found us an apt around the corner in an very old building. Rat and roach infested.

Apartment building happens to be on the boundary of the Black P. Stone Rangers and Warlords territories. Gang fights were routine right outside our building.  Coming home from school during one of those fights and I hear a gun shot and then a ping on the fence right above my head.  Money always ran out before the end of the month but a sugar or ketchup sandwich was actually pretty tasty to a 8-9 year old.  Other kids in the building would make fun of us by saying your mamma was on AFDC. Did not know what that meant at first but later found out it was welfare.

Age 10 apt building gets condemned. All the other residents had moved out already. They cut off the water and electricity. We have to take buckets down to the fire hydrant to get water for flushing the toilet, cooking and washing up ( I don't really remember the washing up part :-) .  After what seemed like a couple of weeks the social worker finds us a place in a housing project on the south side.

Even though we lived in a housing project things got slowly better after that. Always been good in school, paper route, various jobs through my teens, graduating HS, 5 Years college with no degree but enough knowledge to land a state job at my University in IT.  Now FIRED one year.

[BeautifulDay]

Not exactly the lowest single point.  But this one was of my own making while others had more to do with family. 

A few years ago we moved to take a new job.  But after the housing market crash we were upside down on our mortgage and couldn't sell. 

Fortunately DH's job came with housing.  So we made it work.  After three years in a very stressful position, DH really needed a change.  He applied internally for many jobs with no luck.  He couldn't keep it up and he was going to give notice.  This meant losing our housing benefit.  There was no way that I could afford to make our mortgage payment on our old house and pay rent on my income.  So I thought we would have to foreclose.  I couldn't bring myself to do that.  My excellent credit score and good financial standing is too important to me.  I couldn't walk away from a financial obligation in good conscience, so I cashed out an old 401k to decrease our house principal and get us to the point where we could sell the house.

Financially we had to start over.  But it was worth it to be free of that house.  A massive step backwards. But that allowed us to rebuild, start fresh.  That really started us on the path to FI. We knew we never wanted to be financially tied to debt like that again.  Not even for a house. 

In the end DH got a different job and I was promoted to a positions with a housing benefit.  So it all worked out.  But this was a turning point for us. 

So many here have overcome such adversity.  I am in awe of all of you. 

[MrsTuxedocat]

Following and will post later. Props to the resilient folks on this thread and thanks for sharing.

[stlbrah]

25. Living in a Small Midwest town and clueless about the rest of the world. Life was just work, weight lifting, computer,  trashy bars on weekend (where me and a friend would just sit there alone), and that's it. I really had no idea what else was out there. Worst of all, I could not get laid. I was so selfs loathing that I would always give off a bad impression. My income was fine .

Then me and a friend I barely knew in a similar situation got in a car and started driving. We eventually ended up in south beach miami at a popular club, and got invited into the VIP section. I ended up hooking up with a very attractive Latina and it gave me the confidence boost I needed to take the steps to create the life I want.
 
This hilarious but true story shows that one small thing can change a life completely

[TravelJunkyQC]

I can't really compare my pain with those here that have lived through rougher times than me and come out stronger.

I'd say my lowest point was August 4th, 2014 - my best friend died at age 31 from a sudden aneurism. Triathlete, healthy woman - she has the aneurism at some point on Thursday, she's found Friday morning (she lived alone), she's in a coma the weekend, and dies Monday morning. Nothing ever prepared me for watching her in the hospital, tubes stuck everywhere, half her head shaved to get tubes in the alleviate brain pressure. I will never forget seeing her like that. Contrary to how some people would react, I didn't have the "oh my god, life is short, there's so much I need to do" reaction. I had the "my job is meaningless, my parents are old, everyone I love is going to die" sort of reaction. I haven't quite recovered yet. It was the same summer than my father got diagnosed with prostate cancer (he's fine now), and right before my parents retired - so my loved ones' mortality was suddenly pushed to the forefront of my mind... and it's still there.

Thank-you to you all for the inspiration - you're all wonderful.

[scrubbyfish]

I am so sorry, TravelJunkyQC. I can sure understand the response you had, and that this loss is still hard for you.

[TravelJunkyQC]

I am so sorry, TravelJunkyQC. I can sure understand the response you had, and that this loss is still hard for you.

Thank-you for the kind words. I don't think these are things we ever get over - one day at a time! As with everyone here, I'm sure.

[PhrugalPhan]

Let me add my tale of woe...

OK I won't go into all the details, but I was a few years into the mortgage on my house (not ours as my soon to be ex's finances were so bad it was only possible to get a mortgage in my name), and I lost my job.   I already realized the marriage had to end for my own sanity, and then one week later my wife decides if I don't have to work she will quit her job too, and doesn't tell me.  She had a sales job, so her hours could be erratic so I didn't question it for a week and when I finally asked when was she going back to work she told me she had quit.  When I asked why, and why she didn't tell me, she said she did. 

"No you didn't." 
"Yes, I did about a month ago, remember?  I told you I was considering quitting.  So I did last week."

I only had a few thousand in the bank, there was a mini-recession going on (2002), more stuff going on I'm going to even bring into the picture, and a crazy wife that I knew would refuse to divorce me (it took 3 years of sleeping apart before she would finally agree to discussing it).  9 months later I finally got a job - within 6 weeks the powers that be decided they didn't need an IT department and laid off me (and everyone else that had been there for years).  Yeah it wasn't a good time.

I stuck with it and things are great now, but geeze at the time it looked like I would never catch a break.

[BeautifulDay]

TravelJunkyQC - my close friend's husband died a year ago from a pulmonary embolism.  He was 39.  I can relate to your reaction, as mine has been much the same. Can't believe it's been a year.

 I'm so glad your father is doing well.

[DocMcStuffins]

About 1 month ago when I as a 37 y/o with a wife and 4 kids (10,9,6,4) developed a stroke which caused me to be unable to speak and unable to use my left arm / leg.  That, my friends, will change your perspective. 

[CindyBS]

Inspirational stories.  My thoughts are with everyone, especially those who are going through it right now . . . .



Mine was about a decade ago.

Feb. 2005 - I had a toddler, got pregnant with our second child. I knew in advance I was very high risk to have a premature baby.  3 days later DH is in a mountain bike accident, broke hand/wrist in 7 places.  Required 2 hospitalizations, hand reconstructive surgery, months of therapy.

Spring - spend the time exhausted and alone pregnant SAHM with toddler while DH works all day and goes to physical therapy at night.

June 2005 - On top of high risk for preterm labor, I am diagnosed with another high risk pregnancy condition

July 2005 - go into labor 4 months early.  Baby would have had 50% chance of survival at that point.
Start strict bedrest with a 2 year old at home - every day I can stay pregnant, the baby's survival rate goes up 3%.

Aug. 2005 - go into labor again and have a massive bleeding episode.  It was stopped.  Another hospitalization

Oct. 2005 - make it to full term have the baby (yea!).  I am completely physically out of shape from 3 months of bedrest, have a newborn, 2 year old and DH is pretty much out of days off from work due to the pregnancy.  Then he has several out of town work trips to do.  Some weeks I am home alone with a newborn, toddler for stretches of 90 hours in a row with no breaks, help, or rest.  Even though I was 30 years old, one day I collapse in the hall from exhaustion.

Nov. 2005 - Our furnace dies - costs $5K to replace

Dec. 2005 - DH's dad is in a serious car accident and in ICU.  He ultimately survives.

Jan, 2006 - My Grandma breaks her hip, starting a rapid decline

March 2006 - Grandma dies. 

DH and I were hospitalized a total of 5 times that year on top of all the family happenings, the stress of having a toddler/newborn and the emotional toll of a high risk pregnancy.

[marty998]

I have nothing that compares to these stories.

Admiration for all of you who have overcome or are persevering through adversity

[Astatine]

I probably shouldn't say that the first 35 years of my life were the low point? But it's pretty much true. I did start to write it out but couldn't bring myself to do it. Last year I was treated for early stage breast cancer. It's not even close to being in the top 10 worst things that have happened to me.

[soccerluvof4]

I have 2-

One i got married at 19 (shotgun) tried to be responsible got married and 2 years later was divorced , had a black and white TV, Car was broke down and rented a room at the YMCA unemployed and still had to pay child support. Friend eventually let me sleep in his basement on a musty damp couch, got a job as a forklift driver and dug my way out and up.

#2 at age 27 I collapsed at the YMCA outdoor track basically from exhaustion. Spent 2 weeks in the hospital and  lost 15lbs being a guinea pig on medications that none worked. Basically I became such a workaholic from what happend when I was 21 and wanted to succeed that sleep studies showed I wasnt sleeping at all. Figured that out and havent had an issue since.

Both low points fortunately taught me alot and helped me make important changes in my life most importantly balance and helped me get to where I am today! so no regrets!

[Fastfwd]

I was on top of the world:
Wife of 12 years good relationship making short term vacation and long term retirement plans
Kids doing well in school
Had decided to quit my job since they were asking me to work late evenings and I did not want to lose time with my kids. It was all good because my wife had a guaranteed job while I was looking for something new and we had large savings.

Then she cheated and left.
Family gone. No job, no unemployment, child support to pay based on last year's income.

It's getting better now. I found a job I don't like but it pays well. I don't see my kids often because of the work hours but they will grow up and eventually be able to live with me 50% when they can get to school by themselves.

[mozar]

I probably shouldn't say that the first 35 years of my life were the low point?

Why not? I would be interested in reading about it.

[golfreak12]

Age 7 came home from school to find our stuff out on the front lawn. Cool... start jumping on my bed outside. We had been staying with our grandmother and she died so we got evicted. Oldest brother found us an apt around the corner in an very old building. Rat and roach infested.

Apartment building happens to be on the boundary of the Black P. Stone Rangers and Warlords territories. Gang fights were routine right outside our building.  Coming home from school during one of those fights and I hear a gun shot and then a ping on the fence right above my head.  Money always ran out before the end of the month but a sugar or ketchup sandwich was actually pretty tasty to a 8-9 year old.  Other kids in the building would make fun of us by saying your mamma was on AFDC. Did not know what that meant at first but later found out it was welfare.

Age 10 apt building gets condemned. All the other residents had moved out already. They cut off the water and electricity. We have to take buckets down to the fire hydrant to get water for flushing the toilet, cooking and washing up ( I don't really remember the washing up part :-) .  After what seemed like a couple of weeks the social worker finds us a place in a housing project on the south side.

Even though we lived in a housing project things got slowly better after that. Always been good in school, paper route, various jobs through my teens, graduating HS, 5 Years college with no degree but enough knowledge to land a state job at my University in IT.  Now FIRED one year.

Freakin awesome !!!!

[EscapeVelocity2020]

Following.

You all are inspirational.

There is something almost magical about yelling in the woods at the top of your lungs.  Sure, your logical brain tells you that it shouldn't change anything, but physiologically, you come out better.  Feeling more calm.  Clearer.  Able to see around the corner.

[Drifterrider]

I was at the Dead Sea.

[Metric Mouse]

I was at the Dead Sea.

Were Puerto Ricians playing you salsa in the rain?

[Nickyd£g]

I'm just coming out of a ten year low point.

December 2005 my dad, who had kidney failure for the previous decade, died of a heart attack.  My mum, who was a narcassistic alcoholic, and my brother, a heroin addict, leaves me to organise the funeral.

Mum proceeds to spend thousands of pounds on QVC, stops eating completely and goes downhill rapidly.

April 2006 Mum dies. I arrange the funeral, there is no will so we go through 6 months of probate, with my brother asking for money constantly and saying he should be the executor (even though he was out his head most of the time). Finally the estate is settled, we each get £20k.

I buy a larger flat, renting out my old one, as my partner was by then living with me. My younger partner, who was in a band, and worked for free on app development for a start up. Proceed to spend £15k renovating the flat [it was a wreck].

May 2007 I sell the rental for £10k profit.

Feb 2008 Partner & I split up. Turns out the start up has been bought over, he has been offered an exciting new job in the States on the back of it, so he emigrates.

I ran away.  I quit my job, took a mortgage break and spent all the money I had travelling. I went on a Nile cruise, I volunteered to work with elephants in the jungle in Kenya, I went on a road trip in California. Turns out, heartache goes with you.

Jan 2010 I come back, broke, single and jobless. Temp for the next 2 years, drink a lot of alcohol, eat crap, make some very poor men decisions and wallow in self pity.  Oh, and get in £15k credit card debt.

2013 I Get grief counselling. Get a pretty good job as a Project Officer, find MMM, Marks Daily Apple and realise I don't want to live like that anymore. 

For the last two years I have been working on myself.  I don't drink often, I eat clean 90% of the time, I am in a good job with a good retirement plan and benefits, I am still single, I budget, I save and pay down my debt. I'll be debt free in about a year.  It's been a long, hard road, but I have had the support of some great friends, and while I have many regrets I try to be positive - running away allowed me time to process all the shit that had happened, and I had some amazing experiences.  I know my future will be good and I've realised I'm strong.

PS My brother is now clean, married and has 3 kids!