What is a "normal" level of socializing?

[Bob W]

It's better to ask what's healthy and enjoyable rather than what's normal. The relationship between social life and health is an active area of study, and there's significant evidence that a poor social life has a large, negative impact on health, as in a similar effect on longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I've seen elsewhere that the result holds even for introverts, and that both quality and quantity matter. (Probably online interaction helps, but I don't find it nearly as enjoyable as personal interaction.)

It's an active goal of mine to increase my social interaction. Mostly this just involves planning ahead and taking initiative until I reach a level I'm happy with. I'm doing okay but would like to do more.

When you meet someone, it can feel a little strange to ask for their contact info, but it can be worth it. I like helping people with projects, which often sets the stage for future interactions.

So if I'm a social drinker and social smoker my life span should be about average in general?   I better makes me some more friends!

[Meowkins]

It's better to ask what's healthy and enjoyable rather than what's normal. The relationship between social life and health is an active area of study, and there's significant evidence that a poor social life has a large, negative impact on health, as in a similar effect on longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I've seen elsewhere that the result holds even for introverts, and that both quality and quantity matter. (Probably online interaction helps, but I don't find it nearly as enjoyable as personal interaction.)

It's an active goal of mine to increase my social interaction. Mostly this just involves planning ahead and taking initiative until I reach a level I'm happy with. I'm doing okay but would like to do more.

When you meet someone, it can feel a little strange to ask for their contact info, but it can be worth it. I like helping people with projects, which often sets the stage for future interactions.

Well, I'm originally from Boston and you seem to like dinosaurs. I have many friends that like dinosaurs and enjoy meeting new people. Let me know if you want introductions to awesome people.

[Rural]

55 here with children ages 8-30.   Most of our "socializing" involves children, grandchildren.  We do have a large circle of friends that we have had for 3 decades in many cases.  We have made very few "new" friends over the last 10 years.   Sadly, we see our friends less and less.   We now live about 90 miles from the epicenter of our friendships.

In a good year we might see/socialize with "friends" 10 times.   The reality is that after decades there isn't a whole lot we don't know or haven't done together.   

Would like to have some new friends in our area if anyone has some good ideas about developing friendships?   Not into "church friends."   I guess that narrows the field substantially.  In our area there appears to be very few educated couples that we meet that we have an interest in socializing with?   

Our friends.com posting might look like this --

Professional Couple ages 50 and 55 with 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter seeks new couple friends.

We enjoy camping and floating.

We drink socially.

If you guys didn't live so far from where we live, Bob, I think I'd have your couple friends! Alas...

[Bob W]

55 here with children ages 8-30.   Most of our "socializing" involves children, grandchildren.  We do have a large circle of friends that we have had for 3 decades in many cases.  We have made very few "new" friends over the last 10 years.   Sadly, we see our friends less and less.   We now live about 90 miles from the epicenter of our friendships.

In a good year we might see/socialize with "friends" 10 times.   The reality is that after decades there isn't a whole lot we don't know or haven't done together.   

Would like to have some new friends in our area if anyone has some good ideas about developing friendships?   Not into "church friends."   I guess that narrows the field substantially.  In our area there appears to be very few educated couples that we meet that we have an interest in socializing with?   

Our friends.com posting might look like this --

Professional Couple ages 50 and 55 with 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter seeks new couple friends.

We enjoy camping and floating.

We drink socially.

If you guys didn't live so far from where we live, Bob, I think I'd have your couple friends! Alas...

. Darn the luck.

[o2bfree]

My boyfriend and I do stuff mostly just together. Maybe a couple times a month we'll get together with others for a meal or drinks on the deck or something. I have a couple female friends, but I don't contact them often mainly because they're women I met at work who no longer work there but we stayed in touch because we live near each other, and all we really have in common is that we worked at the same place. But I think I should keep in touch so I don't get too reclusive.

I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.

There are other women at work and at the gym whom I talk to frequently, and have some common interests with, but I'm not very motivated to engage them outside those places. I probably should though, and work on being more social. I'm hoping to retire in a few years and realize it might be bad for my mental health to be too isolated.

[Ricky]

I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.

I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)

[velocistar237]

So if I'm a social drinker and social smoker my life span should be about average in general?   I better makes me some more friends!

That's probably not too far from the truth. There's evidence that moderate drinking is good for you, but my guess is that the drinking is mildly bad for you but the socializing more than offsets it. One of the healthiest populations in the US is a group of Adventists in Southern California. They don't drink, but they have a very strong community.

Well, I'm originally from Boston and you seem to like dinosaurs. I have many friends that like dinosaurs and enjoy meeting new people. Let me know if you want introductions to awesome people.

Thanks. Mostly I just need to take some initiative to interact with my friends. If you think your friends would enjoy meeting an engineer father of three who lives slightly north of Boston, feel free to PM me.

[o2bfree]

I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.

I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)

No sisters, though I'm adopted so maybe there's one out there!

[Kitsune]

I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.

I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)

No sisters, though I'm adopted so maybe there's one out there!

I'm exactly the same way, as is my sister. All the sisters, apparently! :)

Seriously, though: are we counting skype as socializing?

I used to go out a lot more, before I got together with my husband (oddly enough, living with the person you most want to hang out with doesn't prompt you to go out...) And then I started working more, having more responsibilities, a kid, less time, less energy... less going out, basically. Followed by my 2 best friends moving, respectively, to the other side of the continent and to another continent entirely, me moving 2 hours away from my previous city...

I see friends usually every month or so, in person. I see my sister (who is my best friend) at least twice a week, we spend dinners with my parents and in-laws at least once a week... but my 'close' friends live far away, so we have skype dates where we all make daiquiris and chat for a few hours. Works for us. (Also, unexpected bonus: way cheaper than going out, and I don't have to get dressed up.)

[music lover]

It ranges from once a week to 5-6 times a week, and varies according to several factors.

I guess it also depends on what you consider "socializing". For example, I'm in 3 bands and between them have about 10 - 12 rehearsals a month. I count those as socializing because rehearsals are considered to be a "night out with the boys". We may play for 2-3 hours, but will also chat between songs and sit around having a beer at the end of the night.

Once every couple weeks a few co-workers meet for "wing night", and in summer I play golf around once a week...that's also socializing as you have 4 hours during the round to chat with friends, and probably another hour after having a beer at the end of the round.

I find that a good balance for me is 3-4 days a week...less than that and I begin crave some interaction, more than that and it becomes too much.

[katstache92]

I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.

I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)

Who knew I wasn't the only one who feels/thinks this way.

[Nudelkopf]

I don't know what's 'normal'.  I do know that I am in the significant social deficit.  I'm on the lookout for new friends and/or acquaintances but it's a process and I am severely out of practice. 

I have stretches of days, sometimes weeks, when i barely speak to anybody at all.  When that happens I feel that this is unhealthy and start seeking some activities. 

I have couple friends that I mostly communicate via txts.  I've never met them in person, we became friends on the internet years ago, and somehow, communicate predominately by txts with very occasional phone conversations and facebook likes.  It's better than nothing, but not enough. 

I went to a women's support group two weeks ago and was able to talk there for few hours with new people.  It's a once a month group, I liked them a lot, and plan to attend in the future as my schedule permits.  I can see talking to some of those women outside of the group, but it will take time to build a rapport. 

I try to get out and do more things, but it's not always helpful in terms of socialization.  I went hiking by myself last week.  Great activity at the local park, but didn't talk to anybody there.  Only saw one couple on the trail the whole time and we exchanged "Hi"s and that was it. 

Work is not good for  alwamaking friends, not the environment I want to socialize outside of required hours. 

Anyway, I am happy when I get to talk to people, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like.

Yeah it is rough.  I find it almost impossible to make new "friends."    Just how does one do that?   Bond over experiences?  Do projects together?

Omg! This was totally me last year. Several times, I even googled "how to make new friends". I always tended to tag along with my housemate's invitations - if one of her friends was having dinner, I was always invited as well. But always as her sort of +1, or as a secondary thingy. Last year, I didn't really have any of my own friends. That kind of changed this year when some new people came to town, and I met them through sport & work, and then it just sort of happened that I was no longer someone else's +1, but an invitation of my own. It's a weird transition to think back on. And then as more new people have come to town, a number of them have joined our social group.

I tend to go out or have a BBQ at someone's house once on a weekend. But then I play sports 3 times a week, and I count that as socialising.

And! For the first time in my whole life this weekend, I approached a guy at a drinking event and FLIRTED. Wtf. (I'm 24, so... this should be the norm, right?). But holy dooley, it felt pretty awesome. I get why people go to bars and try to pick up (not that I went home with him). It was actually fun.