The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Welcome and General Discussion => Topic started by: Meowkins on August 02, 2015, 04:04:43 PM
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Okay, I guess this is a stupid question in the sense that no one is ever really *normal.* We all do what works for us and that's just fine. But I've been baffled by my own personal circle's intense socializing and was curious about other mustachians' inclinations.
I don't think socializing is bad. I'm just a bit introverted myself and require weekends at home every now and then. It would also seem to me that excessive socializing would be expensive... certainly, I've turned down $200 worth of activities in the past week alone and STILL am attending a picnic, a concert, and a night of karaoke/dinner out on the town next week(grand total of maybe $50 for all, so not really breaking the bank there).
Maybe I'm just getting old.
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I suspect this depends on where you're at in life.
When I was in graduate school, going out three times a week was pretty average and if you didn't go at all in a week then people would start asking you if you had some sort of problem like a death in the family.
Now that I'm married with children, social activities are nearly non-existent. Maybe once a month we get to do something that doesn't revolve around children.
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A couple of times a week.
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I'm about the same as sol and similar situation.
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A couple of times a month and I like it that way, my friends love to spend money, so a couple of times isn't the end of the world, but once a week would kill my wallet. They spend like congress.
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Depends on the week, some weeks we'll have 3-4 things, some weeks 1, occasionally we go 2 weeks without anything. We have little kids and so typically socializing is having friends over for dinner, going to their place for dinner, or getting the kids together during the day to do something.
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I suspect this depends on where you're at in life.
When I was in graduate school, going out three times a week was pretty average and if you didn't go at all in a week then people would start asking you if you had some sort of problem like a death in the family.
Now that I'm married with children, social activities are nearly non-existent. Maybe once a month we get to do something that doesn't revolve around children.
+1 I socialized all the time in college and grad school. Once I had a family, my activities revolved around family and occasional socializing with friends. Over the years, my friends have dwindled to a faithful few, the real friends that is.
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I talk to people at work. And rarely outside of that.
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After reading through this thread so far, I have the impression that "socializing" is being equated with going out to bars, restaurants or entertainment events. But there are, at least for me, a lot of other types of socializing.
Like coffee clatches after church. Teaming up to do a neighborhood street cleanup. Meeting at a park for a hike. Manning a booth together at the Farmers Market. Participating in a potluck supper. Etc.
I could go on and on in this same vein. If socializing = being social, then spending money doesn't necessarily have to factor into it. Definitely not in a big way, anyway.
...IMHO.
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After reading through this thread so far, I have the impression that "socializing" is being equated with going out to bars, restaurants or entertainment events. But there are, at least for me, a lot of other types of socializing.
Sure, but for families with children at home, all of those other types of socializing revolve around the children.
If I spend two hours chatting with other parents on the sidelines of my kid's game, I don't consider that socializing. I'm not there to spend time with people I like, I'm there because I have to be and it would be rude not to talk to them.
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You're just super popular, OP.
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After reading through this thread so far, I have the impression that "socializing" is being equated with going out to bars, restaurants or entertainment events. But there are, at least for me, a lot of other types of socializing.
Sure, but for families with children at home, all of those other types of socializing revolve around the children.
If I spend two hours chatting with other parents on the sidelines of my kid's game, I don't consider that socializing. I'm not there to spend time with people I like, I'm there because I have to be and it would be rude not to talk to them.
Yeah, that doesn't really count unless you are actually friends with those other parents and want to/look forward to seeing them.
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I'm 25 and don't hang out with anyone other than family and GF. I just have no interest in friends.
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I suspect this depends on where you're at in life.
When I was in graduate school, going out three times a week was pretty average and if you didn't go at all in a week then people would start asking you if you had some sort of problem like a death in the family.
Now that I'm married with children, social activities are nearly non-existent. Maybe once a month we get to do something that doesn't revolve around children.
Not married with children but agree: in my 20's there were a lot more concerts/plays/museums/galleries/you name it. If I didn't go dancing at least once a week I felt like a nun.
Now I don't leave my property on my days off if I can swing it: too damn much ranch work.
And a lot of my friends are all over the world so socializing is online more than facetime.
I think it's good to go do stuff....I think at LEAST once a month you should 'try' and get out...free concert, walk on the beach, whatever.
I should also eat more kale though...please don't hold your breath waiting for that to happen.
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Good question... I suspect "normal" is a couple of times a week? My own preference, I feel, is less than normal. After a work day, I've had my fill, even though much of my work is solo. There is still interaction, including social niceties, with dozens of people (even if it's just a nod in the hall way on the way to the wash room). That saturates me. I feel I need down time in the evenings. It makes is difficult for me to maintain close friendships because I just seem too unwilling (or unable?) to do a "normal" amount of socialization. Maybe once I successfully FIRE, I will feel like I have the inclination for a "normal" amount of socialization (or closer to normal)? I hope so.
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I suspect this depends on where you're at in life.
When I was in graduate school, going out three times a week was pretty average and if you didn't go at all in a week then people would start asking you if you had some sort of problem like a death in the family.
Now that I'm married with children, social activities are nearly non-existent. Maybe once a month we get to do something that doesn't revolve around children.
This is a fair point. After posting this I figured I'd do the adult thing and just ask my friends what was up with the frenzied activity. Her response was blunt and gracious, "I'm single, of course I want to spend time with friends. If I just go home I'll be lonely." As a married person, I guess I take for granted that I am never alone. On the other hand, as someone without kids, I take for granted that I still have comparatively vast amounts of time to socialize and should appreciate it while it lasts. :)
You're just super popular, OP.
I lol'd at this. You got me, Sheepstache. It's a pretty silly thing to be annoyed about. But honestly, I wasn't at all coming from the "ERMEGAHD, THERE'S JUST SO LITTLE OF ME AND SO MANY OF YOU!!!"** mentality. I am not popular. I am just lucky in that I have a close-knit group of friends that still invite me out with them even though I am apparently more introverted and very easily overwhelmed.
I will say, though, that there's a lot of "obligatory socializing" that I'm sure many of us have. Coffee & lunch dates with coworkers, industry colleagues, mentors, old bosses, etc. That's a lot of what factored into the $200 in my earlier post. Turning those down has been hard; no one wants a "walking meeting" when their jobs depend on looking fancy and it's hot as satan's taint outside.
My favorite invite was a mani-pedi date with a coworker. I am very happy to now know what color of coral red will look good with my skin tone (this is not a joke - it's hard to know!) but a mani-pedi would hurt my precious budget too much. It will forever remain a mystery.
Thanks to all for chiming in! It's good to see such a wide range of answers. If I'm weird, it's in the company of all you fellow weirdos. <3
**BUT REALLY, WILL YOU NEVER BE SATISFIED? ;)
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Wow, these responses made me feel like way more of a social butterfly than I deserve. The key is my hobby. I whitewater kayak. A lot apparently. Like if I only get out 3 times a week I get depressed. Married no kids and my wife doesn't kayak. It's a sport that effectively requires multiple participants so I have a crew that I'm good friends with that goes after work and on weekends. It's free other than the beer we bring for afterwards.
So for all those people who only go out a couple times a month, are all your hobbies individual/at home pursuits?
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So for all those people who only go out a couple times a month, are all your hobbies individual/at home pursuits?
Between the internet, cooking, reading, this forum, and plenty of places to bike around my house, I see no reason to go out. I get so irritated in crowds and traffic. If it's for the sake of an outdoor experience though, I'm all for it. I just am not the type to "go out" and bullshit with people. I'm all for the occasional small house party though.
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In the past year I went from being a maybe-once-a-month socializer to multiple times a week. I moved to NYC and just found myself with lots more cool stuff to do - and the people here are so outgoing that I've made a ton of new friends while going out and doing that stuff. This week I went out to dinner and a chamber-jazz concert on Sunday, a Brazilian concert (free) on Thursday, to lunch & MoMA (free) on Friday, and brunch + an avant-jazz concert today. Total expenditure was $50... but that's mainly because my friends are really nice and keep insisting on buying me meals. I feel kind of weird about that, but I'm not sure what to do about it...
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When I was young and single in my 20s, it was at least 3-4 times a week.
Now that I'm in my 50s, I find socializing to be a bit of a chore. Maybe a couple of times a month, at most? And even then, it's usually something mundane like going over to a friend's house and watching a Spurs game. "Parties" and similar gatherings just don't appeal to me much anymore. I occasionally go just because I feel obligated to not turn down every invitation.
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At uni I went out about five nights a week and this carried on when I was a young graduate in my twenties working in London. :P
Since we got our two dogs a few years ago I go out very rarely. The last time I went out was to the cinema at the end of 2013. Kind of weird I suppose but socialising doesn't really interest me at this point in my life.:0
I don't expect to be like this for the rest of my life though and I assume after retirement I will probably go out more often.
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I am retired (mostly), live in a 55+ community, and the opportunities for socializing are inexpensive and endless. Classes are included in our amenities fee, there are hundreds to choose from each day, and the women in my neighborhood tend to go as a group. At a minimum I do 3 classes a week with friends and dinner with friends once a week. Add to this at least 4 monthly group activities. So, normally I am doing things 5 x per week, but it could be much more if I want.
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I am in my late 20's and unmarried. I get together with friends 1-2 x a week to go mountain biking/hiking/gym, 1 x a week we either have friends over for dinner/bbq or go to friends for the same, and we do happy hour 1 x a week.
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So for all those people who only go out a couple times a month, are all your hobbies individual/at home pursuits?
This is another great point, IMHO. I do a lot of writing that I've *tried* to expand into writing groups, but that inevitably becomes my friends and I shooting the shit and watching movie marathons. :P But you've inspired me. Now yoga must be done in groups, outside in the shade!
I've also been trying to take more free online classes and that's hard to do in a social way.
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I'm in my late 20's and an introvert.
One of the older women in my neighborhood emailed me recently and said, "we haven't seen you in a week!" I had to explain to her that I was recovering from my two very social vacations recently and needed to recharge. I'm not sure she had any idea what an introvert is and how we operate.
I can usually manage 2-3 outings per week, but more if I can go by myself.
When I was in college, I probably had something every day of the week. It was exhausting!
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I find it depends on the season as well. I'm much more active, socially, in the summer. I have friends who are teachers, so they're pretty busy during the school year.
Also, I'm in-between extrovert and introvert. Sometimes I really need to be a hermit, and this can go for weeks. Other times I really want to be around people.
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Early 30s, no kids, I hang out with friends probably 2-3x a week. It's pretty low-key - I go to the climbing gym with friends, maybe out for drinks, a party once a month or so. I'm a postdoc so there is still some of that school-related social structure.
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30s, no kids. My husband and I play pub trivia with friends one night a week, and if we place, it pays for our drinks and food, which is sweet. We also usually hang out with friends one weekend night, summertime it's a campfire and wintertime it's watching football. I have a standing summer date with a bunch of girlfriends to go work out and then watch trashy TV afterwards. Most of our friends are pretty Mustachian so our get togethers are free or inexpensive, with the exception of occasional celebratory dinners.
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I didn't socialize much when I was working full time for an employer and was married. But now that I'm self-employed and single I do a lot. But it's also a change of attitude and priorities: now I make sure to take the initiative and find things to do and invite people to do things.
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26. Over the last week. Tuesday saw friends at a gig (another two friends were in the band). Fri friend over for dinner. Sat breakfast with Mr money mustache friends :-) played sports match and pub afterwards with my team , Sunday breakfast with a friend, tonight Monday sports training. Depending if you count sport (2 to 3 x a week) or not could be 3 to 8 x a week. I love socialising. I spent about $60 on this week's activities.
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Early 30s- no kids.
Hang out with my friends about once a month. I also have an affinity group meeting once a month, but that isn't really my "friends".
Will usually chat with neighbors on a walk two-three times a week though. That's good enough for me.
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Early 30s, no kids.
Once per week with my friends, alone.
Once per week with SO friends, as a couple.
My social life really dried up with moving and coupling up, tho. When I was single (last time was in my late twenties) I was hanging out with friends several times per week.
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55 here with children ages 8-30. Most of our "socializing" involves children, grandchildren. We do have a large circle of friends that we have had for 3 decades in many cases. We have made very few "new" friends over the last 10 years. Sadly, we see our friends less and less. We now live about 90 miles from the epicenter of our friendships.
In a good year we might see/socialize with "friends" 10 times. The reality is that after decades there isn't a whole lot we don't know or haven't done together.
Would like to have some new friends in our area if anyone has some good ideas about developing friendships? Not into "church friends." I guess that narrows the field substantially. In our area there appears to be very few educated couples that we meet that we have an interest in socializing with?
Our friends.com posting might look like this --
Professional Couple ages 50 and 55 with 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter seeks new couple friends.
We enjoy camping and floating.
We drink socially.
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I have meetings for my non-profit about once a week.
We usually try to see friends or his mom 1-2x on the weekend.
We sometimes see friends 1-2 during the week.
Last week:
Tues a non-profit meeting for me (free)
Wed we rallied to use our MFA membership (just us, no friends, but still going out after work) before it expired. Free after membership cost, which is tax deductible
Thurs we went to a Dock Party for my non-profit. My ticket was comp'd for working on the party, DH's was $25, including apps and open bar.
Fri we went sailing on the harbor with a few people. Free except gas (1 hr drive to it, 2 hrs total)
Sat we relaxed on picnic in our backyard with friends. Evening we went over to friends for dinner, wife is very pregnant so last time we'll see them for a bit. Cost $8 in flowers as hostess gift. (We asked what we could bring, they requested flowers.)
Sun we saw his mom for lunch, she paid.
Total cost: $35?, which includes 2 dinners for 2 people. Socializing doesn't need to be expensive... I'll often socialize over a free concert, movie or other activity.
Hmm. I marked 2-3x a week, but it's looking like it's every day from this tally. Maybe this week is a bit high - or maybe DH is right that we do things a lot (he's lower energy than me) and should cut down...
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"Normal" should be contextualized to the type of personality the person has. The range being that extroverts require more stimulation to feel energized (though not all extroverts like socializing, many do), to introverts that require either much less stimulation, or are energetically drained by too much.
Normal is going to vary wildly by personality type. I have several extremely extroverted friends, who tend to get droopy if they don't have a lot of interpersonal interaction both on and off the job (so socializing every weekend would be normal, as well as possibly a couple nights per week). Rarely would an extrovert want to do any activity alone. These types also love striking up random conversations with strangers, and consider that socializing as well.
Whereas introverts typically need alone time and less stimulation to recharge batteries to face high-stimuli situations or socializing. Many introverts like socializing, but they tend to like it with small groups or one on one, and less often. Personally, I do well seeing only my husband and the occasional store clerk for 2-3 weeks at a time, and enjoy socializing one on one or with a small group maybe once per month. I currently work from home, but in past jobs if I liked my coworkers, I then enjoyed near daily social interaction on the job...but I think that is because the energetic focus was work, rather than active socializing. I sometimes find socializing a bit more draining than actual work, though it is often more enjoyable.
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I remember how in my early 20's the evening typically started around 10 pm, vs. already being home from socializing by then.
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I think what wenchsenior says is very true. Normal is very dependent on the person.
If I go more than 3 months without going out with friends, I do get a little lonely. But for many people that is a huge span of time.
However, I never realized how important work was to me until I broke my neck last year and had to work from home because I couldn't drive (or ride a bike; or a bus- I took the bus once, and it was the most painful experience ever; worse than the initial car accident). I felt absolutely trapped. Just a week at a time, and I was crying from not being able to be around people.
Being able to go to work, if only to say "good morning" to someone is very important to me.
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I have absolutely no idea how to answer the poll!
I'm an introvert, so I'm happy at home for long stretches of time. But I work in a public library in a small village where everyone knows everyone else, so going to work IS socializing. I have a large extended family, and 5 kids, so largely friends = family, so all family events are socializing, too. Even though we've only got 2 kids left at home now, we are still busy every night of the week somehow: soccer games, XC invitationals or meets, programs at work, concerts, musicals, plays, etc. DH is in a volunteer fire company, so lots of social events (I mean fundraisers) here, too.
But going out with friends, or even just DH and myself? Zero. We are always booked.
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"Normal" should be contextualized to the type of personality the person has. The range being that extroverts require more stimulation to feel energized (though not all extroverts like socializing, many do), to introverts that require either much less stimulation, or are energetically drained by too much.
Normal is going to vary wildly by personality type. I have several extremely extroverted friends, who tend to get droopy if they don't have a lot of interpersonal interaction both on and off the job (so socializing every weekend would be normal, as well as possibly a couple nights per week). Rarely would an extrovert want to do any activity alone. These types also love striking up random conversations with strangers, and consider that socializing as well.
Whereas introverts typically need alone time and less stimulation to recharge batteries to face high-stimuli situations or socializing. Many introverts like socializing, but they tend to like it with small groups or one on one, and less often. Personally, I do well seeing only my husband and the occasional store clerk for 2-3 weeks at a time, and enjoy socializing one on one or with a small group maybe once per month. I currently work from home, but in past jobs if I liked my coworkers, I then enjoyed near daily social interaction on the job...but I think that is because the energetic focus was work, rather than active socializing. I sometimes find socializing a bit more draining than actual work, though it is often more enjoyable.
Good points.
Even though I spend a lot of time by myself and my dogs or just with my husband I never feel lonely.
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Now that I'm married with children, social activities are nearly non-existent. Maybe once a month we get to do something that doesn't revolve around children.
One of my many selfish reasons not to procreate =D
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I found this to be a hard pole to answer because it doesn't cover most of what I do to socialize. There is no heading for: I fill my coffee cup and wander over to the neighbor's house to chat for 20 minutes twice a week. There is no heading for the long conversation I had with a total stranger in the used stereo equipment store yesterday. We exchanged contact information but I will be very surprised if I ever see him in the flesh again. If we do become long distance friends, there is no heading for people I have seen once and chat with by email on a regular basis. So by this pole I am a hermit but actually I have a very busy social life.
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I don't know what's 'normal'. I do know that I am in the significant social deficit. I'm on the lookout for new friends and/or acquaintances but it's a process and I am severely out of practice.
I have stretches of days, sometimes weeks, when i barely speak to anybody at all. When that happens I feel that this is unhealthy and start seeking some activities.
I have couple friends that I mostly communicate via txts. I've never met them in person, we became friends on the internet years ago, and somehow, communicate predominately by txts with very occasional phone conversations and facebook likes. It's better than nothing, but not enough.
I went to a women's support group two weeks ago and was able to talk there for few hours with new people. It's a once a month group, I liked them a lot, and plan to attend in the future as my schedule permits. I can see talking to some of those women outside of the group, but it will take time to build a rapport.
I try to get out and do more things, but it's not always helpful in terms of socialization. I went hiking by myself last week. Great activity at the local park, but didn't talk to anybody there. Only saw one couple on the trail the whole time and we exchanged "Hi"s and that was it.
Work is not good for making friends, not the environment I want to socialize outside of required hours.
Anyway, I am happy when I get to talk to people, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like.
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I don't know what's 'normal'. I do know that I am in the significant social deficit. I'm on the lookout for new friends and/or acquaintances but it's a process and I am severely out of practice.
I have stretches of days, sometimes weeks, when i barely speak to anybody at all. When that happens I feel that this is unhealthy and start seeking some activities.
I have couple friends that I mostly communicate via txts. I've never met them in person, we became friends on the internet years ago, and somehow, communicate predominately by txts with very occasional phone conversations and facebook likes. It's better than nothing, but not enough.
I went to a women's support group two weeks ago and was able to talk there for few hours with new people. It's a once a month group, I liked them a lot, and plan to attend in the future as my schedule permits. I can see talking to some of those women outside of the group, but it will take time to build a rapport.
I try to get out and do more things, but it's not always helpful in terms of socialization. I went hiking by myself last week. Great activity at the local park, but didn't talk to anybody there. Only saw one couple on the trail the whole time and we exchanged "Hi"s and that was it.
Work is not good for making friends, not the environment I want to socialize outside of required hours.
Anyway, I am happy when I get to talk to people, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like.
Yeah it is rough. I find it almost impossible to make new "friends." Just how does one do that? Bond over experiences? Do projects together?
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I don't know what's 'normal'. I do know that I am in the significant social deficit. I'm on the lookout for new friends and/or acquaintances but it's a process and I am severely out of practice.
I have stretches of days, sometimes weeks, when i barely speak to anybody at all. When that happens I feel that this is unhealthy and start seeking some activities.
I have couple friends that I mostly communicate via txts. I've never met them in person, we became friends on the internet years ago, and somehow, communicate predominately by txts with very occasional phone conversations and facebook likes. It's better than nothing, but not enough.
I went to a women's support group two weeks ago and was able to talk there for few hours with new people. It's a once a month group, I liked them a lot, and plan to attend in the future as my schedule permits. I can see talking to some of those women outside of the group, but it will take time to build a rapport.
I try to get out and do more things, but it's not always helpful in terms of socialization. I went hiking by myself last week. Great activity at the local park, but didn't talk to anybody there. Only saw one couple on the trail the whole time and we exchanged "Hi"s and that was it.
Work is not good for making friends, not the environment I want to socialize outside of required hours.
Anyway, I am happy when I get to talk to people, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like.
Yeah it is rough. I find it almost impossible to make new "friends." Just how does one do that? Bond over experiences? Do projects together?
I wish I knew the answer to these. The women's support group I went to was organized over common hobby, but although they started out by talking about the common interest, the conversation shifted to other topics, some personal to members, some general. Like I said, I really liked the group. But to find it, I had to look in the hobby social network.
The problem with 'common interest' related socializing, I find that sometimes it is very one sided in the sense that it rarely goes outside of hobby and doesn't turn into more personal relationship. This bother's me to a degree since I feel like don't get to know these people at all. This is the reason why I decided to take a break from the hobby activity for a little while. I moved recently, and though I've known a lot of people in the old location, it seems that as soon as I moved, they are out of my life, since we had nothing in common except for the common activity/interest over which we met. And since I am not local to them anymore, there is not reason to stay in touch.
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I don't know what's 'normal'. I do know that I am in the significant social deficit. I'm on the lookout for new friends and/or acquaintances but it's a process and I am severely out of practice.
I have stretches of days, sometimes weeks, when i barely speak to anybody at all. When that happens I feel that this is unhealthy and start seeking some activities.
I have couple friends that I mostly communicate via txts. I've never met them in person, we became friends on the internet years ago, and somehow, communicate predominately by txts with very occasional phone conversations and facebook likes. It's better than nothing, but not enough.
I went to a women's support group two weeks ago and was able to talk there for few hours with new people. It's a once a month group, I liked them a lot, and plan to attend in the future as my schedule permits. I can see talking to some of those women outside of the group, but it will take time to build a rapport.
I try to get out and do more things, but it's not always helpful in terms of socialization. I went hiking by myself last week. Great activity at the local park, but didn't talk to anybody there. Only saw one couple on the trail the whole time and we exchanged "Hi"s and that was it.
Work is not good for making friends, not the environment I want to socialize outside of required hours.
Anyway, I am happy when I get to talk to people, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like.
Yeah it is rough. I find it almost impossible to make new "friends." Just how does one do that? Bond over experiences? Do projects together?
I wish I knew the answer to these. The women's support group I went to was organized over common hobby, but although they started out by talking about the common interest, the conversation shifted to other topics, some personal to members, some general. Like I said, I really liked the group. But to find it, I had to look in the hobby social network.
The problem with 'common interest' related socializing, I find that sometimes it is very one sided in the sense that it rarely goes outside of hobby and doesn't turn into more personal relationship. This bother's me to a degree since I feel like don't get to know these people at all. This is the reason why I decided to take a break from the hobby activity for a little while. I moved recently, and though I've known a lot of people in the old location, it seems that as soon as I moved, they are out of my life, since we had nothing in common except for the common activity/interest over which we met. And since I am not local to them anymore, there is not reason to stay in touch.
The way I've made real friends from interest-specific meet-ups is to make the first step to invite them to things outside of the hobby. Some people bite, others don't, but it's a good way to see if there's potential for a friendship. Who knows, maybe getting people in contexts outside of the hobby will reveal more similarities than everyone first thought existed!
I've also found that trying out new experiences with people is a great way to cement friendships, so maybe suggest similar, though as yet unexplored hobbies?
Examples:
Person A likes Astronomy. Person A might also like science fiction. Start a book club? Have a sci fi movie marathon? Share some sci fi comics you own?
Person A loves knitting. Has Person A considered other creative crafts? Beading? Metalwork? Might Person A want to go to a bead shop or a local crafts festival?
That's usually how it works for me, anyway.
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Once a week is normal for us, sometimes twice if something's going on. I've just always found that when you're a couple living together, the default is to mostly socialize with each other. Socializing for us usually means having a dinner party with another couple, boyfriend going to play DnD with his group, me going ballroom dancing with mine, going to a meetup event, or rarely going to a party/gathering of some sort (the kind in someone's home, not at a night club).
We're kind of antisocial for sure, but mostly we just have little interest in going out during the week after work, and have a lot of hobbies that take up most of the weekend.
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It's better to ask what's healthy and enjoyable rather than what's normal. The relationship between social life and health is an active area of study, and there's significant evidence that a poor social life has a large, negative impact on health, as in a similar effect on longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (http://news.byu.edu/archive10-jul-relationships.aspx). I've seen elsewhere that the result holds even for introverts, and that both quality and quantity matter. (Probably online interaction helps, but I don't find it nearly as enjoyable as personal interaction.)
It's an active goal of mine to increase my social interaction. Mostly this just involves planning ahead and taking initiative until I reach a level I'm happy with. I'm doing okay but would like to do more.
When you meet someone, it can feel a little strange to ask for their contact info, but it can be worth it. I like helping people with projects, which often sets the stage for future interactions.
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But it's also a change of attitude and priorities: now I make sure to take the initiative and find things to do and invite people to do things.
Now that I've turned sixty, I've tired of the social scene. The dancing, drinking, women oggling me like I'm a filet mignon.
oh! that alarm clock is always to early, gotta get up, what was I dreaming...
My wife and I own a small business, we are open 10 hrs, 7 days a week, 363 days a year.
Even though it is 10 hrs, prep and closing means we aren't done till 6:30. We eat and go to bed.
What is socializing?
I'm nearing retirement and actually looking forward to doing more socializing.
I did call a buddy yesterday and we had breakfast and BS'ed for about 2 hrs, that
is a rarity for me, but it is something I expect to do more of during retirement.
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Totally meant to say weekly, said daily instead. So that 1.4% should be less than 1%.
I've been drawing down my retail-rate socializing, average once a week or less now. I love our friends and they're all potential clients, so I'd never give 'em up, but I could easily blow hundreds in a month if I showed up every time they do something... it's all about finding the right happy medium. So I average one mealtime event in a week; I try to show up full and consume lightly.
Lately I've been volunteering our place for Sunday brunch about once a month, instead of the local dive. I find I can feed the average crowd for under $15 (the price of one entree @ said dive). Friends eat free or drop a few bucks on a dish to share, and I never leave the comfort of home. Feels like winning. :)
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DINKs, but both working 55-60 hour weeks, and dh works some evenings while I start my workday at 7. I go to book club once a month, and a workout class once a week. On top of that, we aim to see friends/family once a week, maybe twice. This is hard because the only night we can guarantee to both be home/available for an event is Sunday, when neither of us work. So I could go alone to a Friday night bar meetup with another couple, or stay in. And though we both "should" be done with work at 5/6, we have had bad luck when trying to host people for dinner that inevitably one of us gets home late, even just before or after dinner was supposed to be.
In addition to stage of life affecting the socializing, I think your location that you live does. We live in a rural area. We do have some friends only 10 mins away, but all of the others are at least 30, as are pretty much all activities. So if you get home from work at 5:30 and meet up with friends for a cool activity at 7, you have 1 hour to shower/walk dog/eat/etc. to turn around and leave. And then I usually go to bed when I get home, so that's my entire night eaten up by that one activity. We try to host friends once a month and family once a month. I'm also a bit of a homebody and a bit introverted.
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It's better to ask what's healthy and enjoyable rather than what's normal. The relationship between social life and health is an active area of study, and there's significant evidence that a poor social life has a large, negative impact on health, as in a similar effect on longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (http://news.byu.edu/archive10-jul-relationships.aspx). I've seen elsewhere that the result holds even for introverts, and that both quality and quantity matter. (Probably online interaction helps, but I don't find it nearly as enjoyable as personal interaction.)
It's an active goal of mine to increase my social interaction. Mostly this just involves planning ahead and taking initiative until I reach a level I'm happy with. I'm doing okay but would like to do more.
When you meet someone, it can feel a little strange to ask for their contact info, but it can be worth it. I like helping people with projects, which often sets the stage for future interactions.
So if I'm a social drinker and social smoker my life span should be about average in general? I better makes me some more friends!
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It's better to ask what's healthy and enjoyable rather than what's normal. The relationship between social life and health is an active area of study, and there's significant evidence that a poor social life has a large, negative impact on health, as in a similar effect on longevity as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (http://news.byu.edu/archive10-jul-relationships.aspx). I've seen elsewhere that the result holds even for introverts, and that both quality and quantity matter. (Probably online interaction helps, but I don't find it nearly as enjoyable as personal interaction.)
It's an active goal of mine to increase my social interaction. Mostly this just involves planning ahead and taking initiative until I reach a level I'm happy with. I'm doing okay but would like to do more.
When you meet someone, it can feel a little strange to ask for their contact info, but it can be worth it. I like helping people with projects, which often sets the stage for future interactions.
Well, I'm originally from Boston and you seem to like dinosaurs. I have many friends that like dinosaurs and enjoy meeting new people. Let me know if you want introductions to awesome people.
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55 here with children ages 8-30. Most of our "socializing" involves children, grandchildren. We do have a large circle of friends that we have had for 3 decades in many cases. We have made very few "new" friends over the last 10 years. Sadly, we see our friends less and less. We now live about 90 miles from the epicenter of our friendships.
In a good year we might see/socialize with "friends" 10 times. The reality is that after decades there isn't a whole lot we don't know or haven't done together.
Would like to have some new friends in our area if anyone has some good ideas about developing friendships? Not into "church friends." I guess that narrows the field substantially. In our area there appears to be very few educated couples that we meet that we have an interest in socializing with?
Our friends.com posting might look like this --
Professional Couple ages 50 and 55 with 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter seeks new couple friends.
We enjoy camping and floating.
We drink socially.
If you guys didn't live so far from where we live, Bob, I think I'd have your couple friends! Alas...
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55 here with children ages 8-30. Most of our "socializing" involves children, grandchildren. We do have a large circle of friends that we have had for 3 decades in many cases. We have made very few "new" friends over the last 10 years. Sadly, we see our friends less and less. We now live about 90 miles from the epicenter of our friendships.
In a good year we might see/socialize with "friends" 10 times. The reality is that after decades there isn't a whole lot we don't know or haven't done together.
Would like to have some new friends in our area if anyone has some good ideas about developing friendships? Not into "church friends." I guess that narrows the field substantially. In our area there appears to be very few educated couples that we meet that we have an interest in socializing with?
Our friends.com posting might look like this --
Professional Couple ages 50 and 55 with 8 year old son and 14 year old daughter seeks new couple friends.
We enjoy camping and floating.
We drink socially.
If you guys didn't live so far from where we live, Bob, I think I'd have your couple friends! Alas...
. Darn the luck.
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My boyfriend and I do stuff mostly just together. Maybe a couple times a month we'll get together with others for a meal or drinks on the deck or something. I have a couple female friends, but I don't contact them often mainly because they're women I met at work who no longer work there but we stayed in touch because we live near each other, and all we really have in common is that we worked at the same place. But I think I should keep in touch so I don't get too reclusive.
I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.
There are other women at work and at the gym whom I talk to frequently, and have some common interests with, but I'm not very motivated to engage them outside those places. I probably should though, and work on being more social. I'm hoping to retire in a few years and realize it might be bad for my mental health to be too isolated.
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I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.
I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)
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So if I'm a social drinker and social smoker my life span should be about average in general? I better makes me some more friends!
That's probably not too far from the truth. There's evidence that moderate drinking is good for you (http://www.substance.com/truth-we-wont-admit-drinking-is-healthy/10285/), but my guess is that the drinking is mildly bad for you but the socializing more than offsets it. One of the healthiest populations in the US is a group of Adventists in Southern California. They don't drink, but they have a very strong community.
Well, I'm originally from Boston and you seem to like dinosaurs. I have many friends that like dinosaurs and enjoy meeting new people. Let me know if you want introductions to awesome people.
Thanks. Mostly I just need to take some initiative to interact with my friends. If you think your friends would enjoy meeting an engineer father of three who lives slightly north of Boston, feel free to PM me.
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I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.
I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)
No sisters, though I'm adopted so maybe there's one out there!
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I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.
I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)
No sisters, though I'm adopted so maybe there's one out there!
I'm exactly the same way, as is my sister. All the sisters, apparently! :)
Seriously, though: are we counting skype as socializing?
I used to go out a lot more, before I got together with my husband (oddly enough, living with the person you most want to hang out with doesn't prompt you to go out...) And then I started working more, having more responsibilities, a kid, less time, less energy... less going out, basically. Followed by my 2 best friends moving, respectively, to the other side of the continent and to another continent entirely, me moving 2 hours away from my previous city...
I see friends usually every month or so, in person. I see my sister (who is my best friend) at least twice a week, we spend dinners with my parents and in-laws at least once a week... but my 'close' friends live far away, so we have skype dates where we all make daiquiris and chat for a few hours. Works for us. (Also, unexpected bonus: way cheaper than going out, and I don't have to get dressed up.)
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It ranges from once a week to 5-6 times a week, and varies according to several factors.
I guess it also depends on what you consider "socializing". For example, I'm in 3 bands and between them have about 10 - 12 rehearsals a month. I count those as socializing because rehearsals are considered to be a "night out with the boys". We may play for 2-3 hours, but will also chat between songs and sit around having a beer at the end of the night.
Once every couple weeks a few co-workers meet for "wing night", and in summer I play golf around once a week...that's also socializing as you have 4 hours during the round to chat with friends, and probably another hour after having a beer at the end of the round.
I find that a good balance for me is 3-4 days a week...less than that and I begin crave some interaction, more than that and it becomes too much.
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I get into this weird cycle regarding social engagements. I'm fine without them for a long time, then I start thinking, man, I need to get some outside influence here, so I commit to a social thing, or maybe my boyfriend has something set up. That feels good, knowing there's a social gig coming up, but as the time approaches I start feeling annoyed and a little anxious and wishing I didn't have the obligation. So I sort of have to force myself to go, but then usually enjoy myself and feel good afterwards. Then it's back to my happy-2b-alone self for awhile.
I'm the EXACT same way. Have any sisters? ;)
Who knew I wasn't the only one who feels/thinks this way.
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I don't know what's 'normal'. I do know that I am in the significant social deficit. I'm on the lookout for new friends and/or acquaintances but it's a process and I am severely out of practice.
I have stretches of days, sometimes weeks, when i barely speak to anybody at all. When that happens I feel that this is unhealthy and start seeking some activities.
I have couple friends that I mostly communicate via txts. I've never met them in person, we became friends on the internet years ago, and somehow, communicate predominately by txts with very occasional phone conversations and facebook likes. It's better than nothing, but not enough.
I went to a women's support group two weeks ago and was able to talk there for few hours with new people. It's a once a month group, I liked them a lot, and plan to attend in the future as my schedule permits. I can see talking to some of those women outside of the group, but it will take time to build a rapport.
I try to get out and do more things, but it's not always helpful in terms of socialization. I went hiking by myself last week. Great activity at the local park, but didn't talk to anybody there. Only saw one couple on the trail the whole time and we exchanged "Hi"s and that was it.
Work is not good for alwamaking friends, not the environment I want to socialize outside of required hours.
Anyway, I am happy when I get to talk to people, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like.
Yeah it is rough. I find it almost impossible to make new "friends." Just how does one do that? Bond over experiences? Do projects together?
Omg! This was totally me last year. Several times, I even googled "how to make new friends". I always tended to tag along with my housemate's invitations - if one of her friends was having dinner, I was always invited as well. But always as her sort of +1, or as a secondary thingy. Last year, I didn't really have any of my own friends. That kind of changed this year when some new people came to town, and I met them through sport & work, and then it just sort of happened that I was no longer someone else's +1, but an invitation of my own. It's a weird transition to think back on. And then as more new people have come to town, a number of them have joined our social group.
I tend to go out or have a BBQ at someone's house once on a weekend. But then I play sports 3 times a week, and I count that as socialising.
And! For the first time in my whole life this weekend, I approached a guy at a drinking event and FLIRTED. Wtf. (I'm 24, so... this should be the norm, right?). But holy dooley, it felt pretty awesome. I get why people go to bars and try to pick up (not that I went home with him). It was actually fun.