Epic FU money stories

[Taran Wanderer]

It’s the same in manufacturing plant engineering, maintenance, and project management.

(edited to take out an extraneous comma…)

[Wolfpack Mustachian]

It’s the same in manufacturing plant, engineering, maintenance, and project management.

Project management has to be one of the worst for this. There's tons of activity being done around you, directly related to you. This contacts starkly to the fact that your entire job is making sure nothing bad happens to the schedule.

[Wolfpack Mustachian]

It’s the same in manufacturing plant, engineering, maintenance, and project management.

Project management has to be one of the worst for this. There's tons of activity being done around you, directly related to you. This contacts starkly to the fact that your entire job is pretty much making sure nothing bad happens to the schedule.

[Dee_the_third]

It’s the same in manufacturing plant, engineering, maintenance, and project management.

Project management has to be one of the worst for this. There's tons of activity being done around you, directly related to you. This contacts starkly to the fact that your entire job is making sure nothing bad happens to the schedule.

Hoo boy, as someone in a PM role now, this rings extremely true for me. If I may flatter myself, I am an excellent PM. People know what is expected of them at all times, the project is turned in on time, and - crucially- emergency fires are very, very rare. This is all easy to take for granted until you work with my colleague, nominally senior to me, who is one of those PMs who not only fails to prevent the train wreck, he watches it happen and then says "Oh boy, that was unlucky. I wish that hadn't happened". Then he shows up to meetings with the bosses and blames the issue on everyone but himself while the rest of the team scrambles to run damage control.

On a closely related note, this isn't very epic - kind of just low level ballsy - but I told my boss straight up I need a raise and a promotion. This is mostly due to the fact that the failures of the aforementioned colleague have caused my job description to grow substantially. Basically, I'm going above and beyond to clean up after him so we, as a group, don't blow big, visible deadlines in front of Very Important People. If I don't get the pay and recognition that comes with that, I'm going to stop doing it. *shrug*

[LightTripper]

Good for you @Dee_the_third - I hope they see sense (and also move the overpromoted drama/chaos magnet into something actually within their capabilities!)

[HawkeyeNFO]

My job was OK, not great, but it was time for a change.  I found a way to solve several manpower issues for a department, which included moving me to a new job.  For a couple months, everyone I talked to was nodding their head, but nothing happened.  Talk is cheap.  Eventually, I told the company and our government customer that in 30 days I was gonna quit.  That's when a lot of people at our client and within the company started scrambling around to make shit happen.  They ended up moving me to the new gig I wanted, gave me a promotion, and raise.  Sometimes you gotta give people a deadline.

[Zamboni]

Thurs: Surprise!, a new CFO starts, that will effectively take on her job. (She had been essentially doing this role, but with a lower level title). This new employee is good friends with the CEO, having worked together at other places.

Next Thurs: New CFO employee quits on the holiday. The job is too much and is overwhelming, and they hadn't even gotten the employee up to speed on anything challenging, only the basics.

I actually saw this happen in the C-suite a couple of times: new exec hired and then he resigned within a week of starting. Let's be real: probably nothing of consequence happens at work that first week. I remember signing up for benefits, sitting in a few boring meetings, reading some internal documents about the company, and getting to know other people. So, my hunch is that both times the guys took the job (which required a relocation), then only realized AFTER they started working at our site that their wife had absolutely no plan to relocate herself and their children with him. One guy was pretty explicit about "family concerns" in his nearly immediate resignation. They other guy was more vague, but his wife had not moved yet, and so her lack of moving with him seemed the most likely reason since he returned to their home and went back to being "between jobs."

One guy I worked with took 6 months of working at our company to understand that his wife wasn't actually going to follow him and move to our location. They had an elementary school aged daughter, and originally she had told him they would move "at the end of the school year." Summer came, a couple of months went by, and finally she informed him that no, she wasn't planning to join him. In that case they ended up getting divorced.

Some folks have the idea that they can just pack their family up like luggage and move them, and some occupations seem to come with that expectation of frequent family moves (military, college football coach, etc.) It's not always that easy. Sometimes the family has their own FU money or at least FU plan.

[Aethonan]

I feel like this thread might need to become "LOL no thanks money stories."  I have a few examples in declining order of significance, as our stash solidified:

1. 6 months into BigLaw job, realized we could handle a long-term FIRE plan without the insane work schedule; walked away from the firehose of cash and moved from HCOL to MCOL area without anything lined up; we'd built that cushion.  I felt shitty walking away from my one good supervising attorney though.  She was great.
2. With help from recruiter, got great offer from rare big firm in new city; BUT during interviews, got privately warned off by multiple associates telling of volatile bosses and tons of weekend work.  Declined the offer.  I felt the worst about letting the recruiter down.  He was so sad.
3. Few years later the stash had really solidified to where we didn't need anything more to cover basic expenses.  Local law firm was fine, but supervising attorneys loved to flaunt bad work/life balance.  Who brags about working weekends/evenings?  Who claims they're busy in a "meeting" when it's a salon appointment?  Who claims they spent all weekend editing something when the timestamped redlines are all from Monday morning??  Like, if you're going to lie about overworking (?!?!?!) do it better.  Still, a couple folks were really great and told me I'd be a shareholder if I stuck it out a few more years.  In other words... I could take over their busy/stressed lives in exchange for more money.  I resigned instead.  I cried on the call when I told them I was leaving (because I still hate disappointing people), but I did it.
4. Ended up getting some enticing contracting offers in the years since, and we've been using it to pad the stash, indulge in more expensive hobbies, and just generally feel a bit "luxe" or whatever.  Recently though, I noticed I was dreading Mondays again -- even with a paltry amount of work to do in a week (think 15 hours).  Since we haven't been withdrawing and the market has been doing its thing, we're in a better position than when I originally called it quits back in 2021.  So I decided one client is enough and I've cut everything else.  An in-house offer here, another client there, and I keep thinking, "More work and less time gardening/gaming/reading/whatever?  LOL no thanks."  Still, whenever I think about those over-worked in-house folks who desperately need competent support, do I feel guilty?  Yes of course.

I guess I wanted to share this because the idea of "FU money" has always given me hives because of the implied conflict... and as someone who struggles with over-the-top people-pleasing tendencies (see above), I've felt truly shitty each time I've used our financial stability to say no to someone.  The practice has helped.  DH's total indifference to other people's judgment has helped more.  The thing that helped the most?  Knowing that I'm a much nicer spouse and friend when I'm using our financial stability to set those boundaries and walk away from bad situations.  I have the emotional bandwidth to be a better friend and show up for people when they need it.  Am I swapping one kind of people pleasing for another?  Sure am.  But I sure am happier this way. :-)

[Freedomin5]

I love reading these stories!

I also feel guilty about saying no. General wisdom says that everyone is replaceable, but my experience is that, in certain microcosms, not everyone is replaceable. I can do a certain type of work that very very very few people in this city can do as well as I can. I've been here 13 years, and I've found one person in this city who does it as well as I can, and she left the country after two years. Are there other people who do it better than I do? Yes, but they're not all flocking to China.

For high performers, there is a sense of guilt when you turn someone down, because you know that very likely, the other party won't be able to find an equal replacement.

[AMandM]

I guess I wanted to share this because the idea of "FU money" has always given me hives because of the implied conflict... and as someone who struggles with over-the-top people-pleasing tendencies (see above), I've felt truly shitty each time I've used our financial stability to say no to someone.  The practice has helped.  DH's total indifference to other people's judgment has helped more.  The thing that helped the most?  Knowing that I'm a much nicer spouse and friend when I'm using our financial stability to set those boundaries and walk away from bad situations.  I have the emotional bandwidth to be a better friend and show up for people when they need it.  Am I swapping one kind of people pleasing for another?  Sure am.  But I sure am happier this way. :-)

IMO the hallmark of maturity is understanding that every resource is limited, so a No in one place makes a Yes in another place possible, and a Yes in one place forces a No in another place. Even if it's true, as in Freedomin5's example, that you're the best person for the job, you're the *only* person for the job of your spouse's spouse!

[mm1970]

I love reading these stories!

I also feel guilty about saying no. General wisdom says that everyone is replaceable, but my experience is that, in certain microcosms, not everyone is replaceable. I can do a certain type of work that very very very few people in this city can do as well as I can. I've been here 13 years, and I've found one person in this city who does it as well as I can, and she left the country after two years. Are there other people who do it better than I do? Yes, but they're not all flocking to China.

For high performers, there is a sense of guilt when you turn someone down, because you know that very likely, the other party won't be able to find an equal replacement.

Yup.  Yesterday again, my boss: "you really do know everything, don't you?"  Me: "yeah.  Or most things.  Or I know where to find them."

[nouveauRiche]

Reviving the thread with a not-at-all epic anecdote.

DH & I both work but the benefits are through my job.  We are set to fat-fire at any time but our lifelong frugality means we have a hard time saying no to income (and DH makes a lot more than I do).

DH's company has a hybrid schedule (work from home 2-3 days/week, in office otherwise) which works well for him.  He's a contract employee & most of his time off is unpaid (handful of paid holidays).

They just announced they are doing mandatory return to office starting in the new year.  His plan is just to take one or more unpaid days off each week.  If they start complaining, he'll probably walk.  No "FU" - he won't burn that bridge.

[BicycleB]

^The power! I feel a disturbance in the Force!

[AlanStache]

nouveauRiche - how is it working?

When I gave noticed I gave 2 months (per company handbook) and asked to use vacation to work 6hr days for the balance.  They counter offered with how about Friday is your last day, I accepted and FIREd happily ever after.

[SwordGuy]

nouveauRiche - how is it working?

When I gave noticed I gave 2 months (per company handbook) and asked to use vacation to work 6hr days for the balance.  They counter offered with how about Friday is your last day, I accepted and FIREd happily ever after.

First rule of giving notice is "Never give notice until you can afford to have them walk you off the property then and there."

[Dicey]

@nouveauRiche - how is it working?

When I gave noticed I gave 2 months (per company handbook) and asked to use vacation to work 6hr days for the balance.  They counter offered with how about Friday is your last day, I accepted and FIREd happily ever after.

Dunno if adding a batsignal to a quote works, but time will tell.

[AlanStache]

First rule of giving notice is "Never give notice until you can afford to have them walk you off the property then and there with a smile on your face."

[SwordGuy]

First rule of giving notice is "Never give notice until you can afford to have them walk you off the property then and there with a smile on your face."

I heartily accept this astoundingly accurate correction of my statement.

[iluvzbeach]

First rule of giving notice is "Never give notice until you can afford to have them walk you off the property then and there with a smile on your face."

It’s posts like this that really make me wish we had a “Like” button on these forums!

[dcheesi]

First rule of giving notice is "Never give notice until you can afford to have them walk you off the property then and there with a smile on your face."

It’s posts like this that really make me wish we had a “Like” button on these forums!

[Tempname23]

Update:

I got a pesky 10% raise/bonus offer = $14,000 when I've identified and/or realized savings of $350,000 - $430,000 (only $80,000 is one-time, rest will be annual recurring savings) since being hired 18 months ago. I don't think I've ever felt more undervalued/appreciated in my career.

  I have a nephew with a chemical engineering degree, he was hired at an older chemical plant and over a couple years converted the whole plant over to computer control. That eliminated many workers and even those that were left he could see exactly what the produced every day. He got nothing but his paycheck.

I may not be fully understanding the story, but if it makes you feel better: as a public employee, I've saved taxpayers probably ~$3M over my career and received exactly $0 in bonuses.  Maybe that makes you feel better about your $14k!

I was thinking along the same lines. I've "saved" my company millions of dollars. Its what I'm paid to do. If I weren't there they'd hire someone else to do it.

How much of the 10% is a permanent raise vs. one-time bonus? I'd love to get a 10% raise.

[BicycleB]

I feel like this thread might need to become "LOL no thanks money stories."  I have a few examples in declining order of significance, as our stash solidified:

1. 6 months into BigLaw job, realized we could handle a long-term FIRE plan without the insane work schedule; walked away from the firehose of cash and moved from HCOL to MCOL area without anything lined up; we'd built that cushion.  I felt shitty walking away from my one good supervising attorney though.  She was great.
2. With help from recruiter, got great offer from rare big firm in new city; BUT during interviews, got privately warned off by multiple associates telling of volatile bosses and tons of weekend work.  Declined the offer.  I felt the worst about letting the recruiter down.  He was so sad.
3. Few years later the stash had really solidified to where we didn't need anything more to cover basic expenses.  Local law firm was fine, but supervising attorneys loved to flaunt bad work/life balance.  Who brags about working weekends/evenings?  Who claims they're busy in a "meeting" when it's a salon appointment?  Who claims they spent all weekend editing something when the timestamped redlines are all from Monday morning??  Like, if you're going to lie about overworking (?!?!?!) do it better.  Still, a couple folks were really great and told me I'd be a shareholder if I stuck it out a few more years.  In other words... I could take over their busy/stressed lives in exchange for more money.  I resigned instead.  I cried on the call when I told them I was leaving (because I still hate disappointing people), but I did it.
4. Ended up getting some enticing contracting offers in the years since, and we've been using it to pad the stash, indulge in more expensive hobbies, and just generally feel a bit "luxe" or whatever.  Recently though, I noticed I was dreading Mondays again -- even with a paltry amount of work to do in a week (think 15 hours).  Since we haven't been withdrawing and the market has been doing its thing, we're in a better position than when I originally called it quits back in 2021.  So I decided one client is enough and I've cut everything else.  An in-house offer here, another client there, and I keep thinking, "More work and less time gardening/gaming/reading/whatever?  LOL no thanks."  Still, whenever I think about those over-worked in-house folks who desperately need competent support, do I feel guilty?  Yes of course.

I guess I wanted to share this because the idea of "FU money" has always given me hives because of the implied conflict... and as someone who struggles with over-the-top people-pleasing tendencies (see above), I've felt truly shitty each time I've used our financial stability to say no to someone.  The practice has helped.  DH's total indifference to other people's judgment has helped more.  The thing that helped the most?  Knowing that I'm a much nicer spouse and friend when I'm using our financial stability to set those boundaries and walk away from bad situations.  I have the emotional bandwidth to be a better friend and show up for people when they need it.  Am I swapping one kind of people pleasing for another?  Sure am.  But I sure am happier this way. :-)

@Aethonan, somehow I missed this when you first posted it. Fantastic!!

[markbike528CBX]

I feel like this thread might need to become "LOL no thanks money stories."  I have a few examples in declining order of significance, as our stash solidified:

1. 6 months into BigLaw job, realized we could handle a long-term FIRE plan without the insane work schedule; walked away from the firehose of cash and moved from HCOL to MCOL area without anything lined up; we'd built that cushion.  I felt shitty walking away from my one good supervising attorney though.  She was great.
2. With help from recruiter, got great offer from rare big firm in new city; BUT during interviews, got privately warned off by multiple associates telling of volatile bosses and tons of weekend work.  Declined the offer.  I felt the worst about letting the recruiter down.  He was so sad.
3. Few years later the stash had really solidified to where we didn't need anything more to cover basic expenses.  Local law firm was fine, but supervising attorneys loved to flaunt bad work/life balance.  Who brags about working weekends/evenings?  Who claims they're busy in a "meeting" when it's a salon appointment?  Who claims they spent all weekend editing something when the timestamped redlines are all from Monday morning??  Like, if you're going to lie about overworking (?!?!?!) do it better.  Still, a couple folks were really great and told me I'd be a shareholder if I stuck it out a few more years.  In other words... I could take over their busy/stressed lives in exchange for more money.  I resigned instead.  I cried on the call when I told them I was leaving (because I still hate disappointing people), but I did it.
4. Ended up getting some enticing contracting offers in the years since, and we've been using it to pad the stash, indulge in more expensive hobbies, and just generally feel a bit "luxe" or whatever.  Recently though, I noticed I was dreading Mondays again -- even with a paltry amount of work to do in a week (think 15 hours).  Since we haven't been withdrawing and the market has been doing its thing, we're in a better position than when I originally called it quits back in 2021.  So I decided one client is enough and I've cut everything else.  An in-house offer here, another client there, and I keep thinking, "More work and less time gardening/gaming/reading/whatever?  LOL no thanks."  Still, whenever I think about those over-worked in-house folks who desperately need competent support, do I feel guilty?  Yes of course.

I guess I wanted to share this because the idea of "FU money" has always given me hives because of the implied conflict... and as someone who struggles with over-the-top people-pleasing tendencies (see above), I've felt truly shitty each time I've used our financial stability to say no to someone.  The practice has helped.  DH's total indifference to other people's judgment has helped more.  The thing that helped the most?  Knowing that I'm a much nicer spouse and friend when I'm using our financial stability to set those boundaries and walk away from bad situations.  I have the emotional bandwidth to be a better friend and show up for people when they need it.  Am I swapping one kind of people pleasing for another?  Sure am.  But I sure am happier this way. :-)

@Aethonan, somehow I missed this when you first posted it. Fantastic!!

Since I'm an introvert the phrase emotional bandwidth resonated with me. 
When my mom had a stroke and needed daily visits plus my interaction with the hospital and rehab and assisted living situations, I was stretched thin.   I'm not sure I could have done it while having a lot of emotional bandwidth devoted to working, even separate from the time off issue.
When I was working I often (2 times a year, a month or two at time) worked in remote places, where I simply could not have been physically there for my mom.

[Turtle]

nouveauRiche - how is it working?

When I gave noticed I gave 2 months (per company handbook) and asked to use vacation to work 6hr days for the balance.  They counter offered with how about Friday is your last day, I accepted and FIREd happily ever after.

Since the notice period was in the company handbook, did they give you the 2 months pay?  My brother had that happen once with a 2 week notice that turned into 2 weeks of paid vacation. 

[AlanStache]

...

Since the notice period was in the company handbook, did they give you the 2 months pay?  My brother had that happen once with a 2 week notice that turned into 2 weeks of paid vacation.

No I burned down vacation to about the notice date, getting 401k match and health insurance.  Not sure if they are required to pay out the 2 months or not.  Should have looked into that before hand <shrug>.  2 months pay would probably have been more money than insurance + match.  At the time there was some thought I would contract with them as needed but that has not (and will not) materialized, so preserving the bridge got me nothing little. 

I was WFH when I gave notice and had to go into return equipment (30 min drive away) and sign things a few times; be damn sure I was in shorts, flip flops and a very "island time" attitude. 

[Turtle]

Congrats on your retirement regardless!  And your outfit for equipment return sounds perfect. 

[Warlord1986]

I applied to do review some grants for the federal government. The Dept. of Education specifically. I got selected. $150 a pop, I figure that's some extra money. Woohoo!

I got no training, either in how to gauge whether or not the applications met the criteria, or how to use the website the dept is using as a grant hub (which is a hot mess. Worst UI ever). I accidentally told the website I have conflicts of interest and it took a few days to resolve that (like I said, worst UI ever). The project director send applications that don't match what I was told I would be working on. Okay, no problem. There's a lot going on, I'm sure it's a big project in the best of times, and these are not the best of times. I send an email, she sends one back, things get sorted, and I get to work.

It takes 4 hours to review one of those applications. I manage to do 2 of them and send them back to her. We have a zoom meeting with the two of us and two other reviewers. The project manager spends 2.5 hours telling me she needs more detail, that I have to use the words 'ambitious' and 'attainable' when talking about sub-question 1.4, to use the percentages.

I started to feel a little singled out. But I'm overly sensitive and I told myself that it was just the first two applications, that she's got bosses to appease as well, that I can do better next time, etc. She sends the notes from the meeting on, and I get to work making her suggested edits. Takes a couple of hours. Then I entered in my write up on the website and click submit.

She emails me to tell me I wasn't supposed to hit submit. That there is a multi-step procedure of what we are supposed to do before we hit submit. First I saw of it. In addition to this procedure, she included more edits for me to make.

I worked on the third and fourth applications today. 4 hours each. My head is throbbing, my eyes hurt. I'm tired. I send them on around 5:30 pm, and she wants me to work on application 5. I don't have application 5. She says I have access to the panel so I can download it by clicking on the application number. Oh, and please work on the edits for the applications I submitted. Before 9 am tomorrow. I go back to the website and clicking on the numbers. They are not links. If there is a download, I do not see it.

I sent her an email stating that I was no longer available for this project and I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.

The money will always be welcome, but I've got other work I can do that's more interesting and pays better. I'm kind of mad that I spent so much time on this before calling it quits.

[LennStar]

Everthing is an experience. For example, you now exactly what UI you do not want to build ;)

I hope you get an passive-aggressive email from the boss back to share to us that you can't just quit and people depend on you etc.

[nouveauRiche]

nouveauRiche - how is it working?

When I gave noticed I gave 2 months (per company handbook) and asked to use vacation to work 6hr days for the balance.  They counter offered with how about Friday is your last day, I accepted and FIREd happily ever after.

Congrats on retiring! 

It's going even better!  DH has been burned out and was contemplating quitting.  Since the new year, DH's work has been really slow.  He offered to take unpaid time off & they agreed.  He's week-to-week. 

So far, they haven't asked him to come in.  So he's getting a break without having to quit.  They indicated they may not re-up his contract in a few months (due to budget) and I think he'd be fine with that (and have the option to return later if work picks up / if he wants).

[dhc]

It’s not completely epic, but I didn’t hesitate to tell our CEO today that I had no interest in working at a company that managed its employees the way he was asking me to manage mine. He’s too stubborn to back down directly, but by the end of a very circular argument he seemed to have heard and accepted my argument, so I guess for now I can stick iit it for at least a bit longer.

[AlanStache]

It’s not completely epic, but I didn’t hesitate to tell our CEO today that I had no interest in working at a company that managed its employees the way he was asking me to manage mine. He’s too stubborn to back down directly, but by the end of a very circular argument he seemed to have heard and accepted my argument, so I guess for now I can stick iit it for at least a bit longer.

Hope I am wrong but he has already forgot anything he learned during the conversation.  Any changes he agreed to hope they are in writing. 

Sorry am just a bit jaded about management taking feedback and changing...

[Freedomin5]

It’s not completely epic, but I didn’t hesitate to tell our CEO today that I had no interest in working at a company that managed its employees the way he was asking me to manage mine. He’s too stubborn to back down directly, but by the end of a very circular argument he seemed to have heard and accepted my argument, so I guess for now I can stick iit it for at least a bit longer.

Hope I am wrong but he has already forgot anything he learned during the conversation.  Any changes he agreed to hope they are in writing. 

Sorry am just a bit jaded about management taking feedback and changing...

Yup, definitely send a follow-up email, "Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. Per our discussion, we agreed that I would manage my direct reports in this manner....." and detail exactly what was discussed and what you believe he has accepted.

[alcon835]

How's this for a very delayed FU story?

At the end of 2023, I was the highest performing person on my team and in my group for 5 years running. As an individual contributor, I regularly had meetings and interactions with the executive team because of the level of impact my work had on the organization's bottom line. Often, they were looking for my opinion on ways we could improve the organization since I was one of the few people who could both talk openly and strategically with the executives who also had a boots on the ground view of the organization. I was considered one of the top people in the entire company and had personally trained about 2/3rd of the employees when they were hired - not because it was part of my job but because the relationships i built and the long-term value real training provided the organization (and my paycheck) was worth the investment.

Oh, and I was burned the fuck out.

Not only that, I wasn't sleeping well. I had been sick for a few years - pretty much a constant cold (turns out it was allergies). My marriage wasn't even much of a relationship anymore, just two people living in the same house. On top of that, I'd spent the previous 3 years slowly losing everything in my life that defined who I was. I was depressed, riddled with anxiety, and deeply unhappy.

And so I went to my boss in November of 2023 and told him I needed a 2-month sabbatical. A few weeks later he pulled me aside and let me know that he personally was blocking the sabbatical. You can read the whole interaction earlier in this thread. It was toxic as fuck.

I talked to my partner, did some budgeting, and figured out I could easily take a 1+ year sabbatical without any issue. And so I saved up a few extra months and picked March 1st as the day I'd give my notice with March 15th as my last day. And then I vanished from this forum for awhile. During that time I got divorced, estranged myself from my family, got therapy, learned I have ADHD and Depression, got medicated, and changed most of the things about my life that had previously defined who I was. I'm much, much happier now. And I am finally figuring out who I am and what I want.

But that's not what this thread is about. What happened in March? What happened when I actually turned in my notice to the boss who told me he was forcing me to stay burned out?

In some ways it was satisfying, in other ways it was anticlimactic.

During my 1:1 with my boss on the 1st, I let him know right away that I was turning in my notice, that I didn't have another job lined up, and that I was taking the sabbatical I'd asked for. He asked me why (which I wasn't expecting) and I decided in to tell him: I was depressed, my marriage was falling apart, I needed a mental, emotional, and physical reset to figure my shit out. He got sort of choked up and asked me why I didn't tell him any of this in November, but the truth is I tried to, and I told him that. If he had asked and not assumed my reasoning, I would have told him all of it. He didn't have much to say about that. He didn't really apologize, but he didn't not apologize. It was weird.  From there, most of the company wanted to talk to me. The entire executive team had various one-on-ones with me to either congratulate me on "getting out" and confiding that they weren't far behind or they were trying to manipulate me into staying. I got to talk to every employee I wanted too, made sure we had each other's contacts, said our goodbyes. Folks asked me to stay but no one was too serious about it - most of them were burning out too. 

On my last day, the CEO had an exit interview with me. He's someone who thinks he's much smarter than he is. Not that he's dumb or anything, he's mostly very smart, but not nearly as smart and strategic as he thinks. He ended up spending most of the interview telling me I didn't really need a sabbatical and getting away from working doesn't solve anything which offended me deeply. Then he told me he wanted to plan a call in May to see how things were going and if I wanted to come back. I told him no thanks and then asked him some questions I'd been wanting to ask for a long time. His answeres were pretty weak, honestly. Mostly non-answers and, "i don't remember, that was awhile ago." kind of stuff. He tried again, at the end, to push me to setup a time to talk to him in May and I very clearly said no, I wasn't going to do it.

Because, dude, fuck you, it's too late.

 A year later and I still get texts from folks periodically, updating me on their lives, asking how I'm doing, looking for someone to talk to who understands the frustrations of that place. I'm privileged to have made so many friends at that job. 

Six months after I quit most of the ELT was gone - they'd quit or been fired. The CEO "voluntarily stepped down" (yeah right!) the exact month I predicted he would be fired by the Board of Directors for failure to achieve any of his goals. Seven months into my sabbatical I accepted an offer at a new job doing exactly the kind of work I'd been asking to do at the old one for years. it turns out - I'm really good at all the stuff they didn't want me to do. And I'm enjoying it so, so much. It's stretching me every day and I am happy.

So if you feel completely lost and burnt out, if the things in life you thought were important are taken away from you, if all you want every morning is a break from the pain and horrors of the job you do, and you're a mustachian who knows what it costs to live day-to-day and how much financial runway you have - then do it. Quit your job. Take that sabbatical. Give yourself a break. The world is about a lot more than retiring early. It's about living a life you can enjoy and be happy with. We privileged few need to remember that more than most.

Oh, and I'm SO GLAD I didn't end up doing the sabbatical. What i thought would take me two months took me seven. Man, if I had gone back to work in May I would have been an absolute wreck. My decision to quit my job and take a no-specific-end-date sabbatical changed my life for the absolute better.  Quitting that job was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[dcheesi]

How's this for a very delayed FU story?

At the end of 2023, I was the highest performing person on my team and in my group for 5 years running. As an individual contributor, I regularly had meetings and interactions with the executive team because of the level of impact my work had on the organization's bottom line. Often, they were looking for my opinion on ways we could improve the organization since I was one of the few people who could both talk openly and strategically with the executives who also had a boots on the ground view of the organization. I was considered one of the top people in the entire company and had personally trained about 2/3rd of the employees when they were hired - not because it was part of my job but because the relationships i built and the long-term value real training provided the organization (and my paycheck) was worth the investment.

Oh, and I was burned the fuck out.

Not only that, I wasn't sleeping well. I had been sick for a few years - pretty much a constant cold (turns out it was allergies). My marriage wasn't even much of a relationship anymore, just two people living in the same house. On top of that, I'd spent the previous 3 years slowly losing everything in my life that defined who I was. I was depressed, riddled with anxiety, and deeply unhappy.

And so I went to my boss in November of 2023 and told him I needed a 2-month sabbatical. A few weeks later he pulled me aside and let me know that he personally was blocking the sabbatical. You can read the whole interaction earlier in this thread. It was toxic as fuck.

I talked to my partner, did some budgeting, and figured out I could easily take a 1+ year sabbatical without any issue. And so I saved up a few extra months and picked March 1st as the day I'd give my notice with March 15th as my last day. And then I vanished from this forum for awhile. During that time I got divorced, estranged myself from my family, got therapy, learned I have ADHD and Depression, got medicated, and changed most of the things about my life that had previously defined who I was. I'm much, much happier now. And I am finally figuring out who I am and what I want.

But that's not what this thread is about. What happened in March? What happened when I actually turned in my notice to the boss who told me he was forcing me to stay burned out?

In some ways it was satisfying, in other ways it was anticlimactic.

During my 1:1 with my boss on the 1st, I let him know right away that I was turning in my notice, that I didn't have another job lined up, and that I was taking the sabbatical I'd asked for. He asked me why (which I wasn't expecting) and I decided in to tell him: I was depressed, my marriage was falling apart, I needed a mental, emotional, and physical reset to figure my shit out. He got sort of choked up and asked me why I didn't tell him any of this in November, but the truth is I tried to, and I told him that. If he had asked and not assumed my reasoning, I would have told him all of it. He didn't have much to say about that. He didn't really apologize, but he didn't not apologize. It was weird.  From there, most of the company wanted to talk to me. The entire executive team had various one-on-ones with me to either congratulate me on "getting out" and confiding that they weren't far behind or they were trying to manipulate me into staying. I got to talk to every employee I wanted too, made sure we had each other's contacts, said our goodbyes. Folks asked me to stay but no one was too serious about it - most of them were burning out too. 

On my last day, the CEO had an exit interview with me. He's someone who thinks he's much smarter than he is. Not that he's dumb or anything, he's mostly very smart, but not nearly as smart and strategic as he thinks. He ended up spending most of the interview telling me I didn't really need a sabbatical and getting away from working doesn't solve anything which offended me deeply. Then he told me he wanted to plan a call in May to see how things were going and if I wanted to come back. I told him no thanks and then asked him some questions I'd been wanting to ask for a long time. His answeres were pretty weak, honestly. Mostly non-answers and, "i don't remember, that was awhile ago." kind of stuff. He tried again, at the end, to push me to setup a time to talk to him in May and I very clearly said no, I wasn't going to do it.

Because, dude, fuck you, it's too late.

 A year later and I still get texts from folks periodically, updating me on their lives, asking how I'm doing, looking for someone to talk to who understands the frustrations of that place. I'm privileged to have made so many friends at that job. 

Six months after I quit most of the ELT was gone - they'd quit or been fired. The CEO "voluntarily stepped down" (yeah right!) the exact month I predicted he would be fired by the Board of Directors for failure to achieve any of his goals. Seven months into my sabbatical I accepted an offer at a new job doing exactly the kind of work I'd been asking to do at the old one for years. it turns out - I'm really good at all the stuff they didn't want me to do. And I'm enjoying it so, so much. It's stretching me every day and I am happy.

So if you feel completely lost and burnt out, if the things in life you thought were important are taken away from you, if all you want every morning is a break from the pain and horrors of the job you do, and you're a mustachian who knows what it costs to live day-to-day and how much financial runway you have - then do it. Quit your job. Take that sabbatical. Give yourself a break. The world is about a lot more than retiring early. It's about living a life you can enjoy and be happy with. We privileged few need to remember that more than most.

Oh, and I'm SO GLAD I didn't end up doing the sabbatical. What i thought would take me two months took me seven. Man, if I had gone back to work in May I would have been an absolute wreck. My decision to quit my job and take a no-specific-end-date sabbatical changed my life for the absolute better.  Quitting that job was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Wow, that's awesome! Thanks so much for sharing!

[Zamboni]

@alcon835 that is truly epic. Glad it all has worked out for you!

[mm1970]

@alcon835 That is truly epic.  It was glorious to read that.  I'm glad everything has worked out!  (Except for the divorce, but even then - sometimes that's just the best answer.  I don't believe in staying in a marriage "just because you said you would".)

[Chris Pascale]

@alcon835 That is truly epic.  It was glorious to read that.  I'm glad everything has worked out!  (Except for the divorce, but even then - sometimes that's just the best answer.  I don't believe in staying in a marriage "just because you said you would".)

Trying not to work or use a computer on weekend nights, so am printing the 2 posts for later tonight.