The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Welcome and General Discussion => Topic started by: FuckRx on March 17, 2014, 06:58:02 PM
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i'm sure it's been asked before but who here is single, who is in a serious relationship but not married and who here is full on married with bells/whistles. i ask because i'm curious if it's easier to accumulate wealth staying single or shacking up with someone or being in a relationship. and if you are in a relationship/or cohabitate do you guys go dutch all the way?
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Serious relationship but not married. May or may not get married. Dutch all the way!
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Married for 35 years.
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Married for 13 years.
Finances completely merged - one shared bank account, one shared credit card. House and cars in both our names. Individual retirement savings accounts.
For us, it's a matter of 'two can live as cheaply as one' - and we take the long view of how we contribute to the relationship. Not everything can be assessed in financial terms. I have never earned as much as DH, and right now I've been out of paid work for 10 years, raising and homeschooling the kiddos, and concentrating on the 'saving money by spending time' part of the equation. My MSc in biochemistry was doomed to be a low-earner compared to his BTech in CompSci :)
(But even when you consider financial implications, when you have preschoolers and have to pay childcare, returning to work doesn't always mean an increase in net income.)
It's funny cos from the outside we look like a traditional conservative set-up, but if the incomes had been reversed we'd have seriously considered DH being the stay at home parent.
Basically, for us it's teamwork. And we sink or swim together. For those who have been through messy divorces that perhaps seems hopelessly naive, but both our parents were still together (until my mother died), so we know at least two ways it can be done. :) We're both good mates who can joke and laugh together, which seems like a good sign, anyway.
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Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
We go dutch all the way and have separate bank account, but joint credit cards. We put everything on credit cards and do payouts down to the penny twice a month. When we do go out to restaurants (rarely), we split the cost of food we share and pay fo our own drinks or whatever separately.
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Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
I agree. Looking around the forum, there was a thread a few weeks ago about characteristics of early retirees, and it listed 'still married to their first spouse' there.
It seems that a couple has synergy on its side - being able to share expenses and bail each other out in tough times (emotionally as well as financially). But a divorce will completely frag your finances and, looking at my friends who are divorced, set you back worse than if you'd stayed single the whole time.
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Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
We go dutch all the way and have separate bank account, but joint credit cards. We put everything on credit cards and do payouts down to the penny twice a month. When we do go out to restaurants (rarely), we split the cost of food we share and pay fo our own drinks or whatever separately.
Just curious, what's the benefit of having joint credit cards if you pay them off separately?
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Married. All "ours".
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Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
We go dutch all the way and have separate bank account, but joint credit cards. We put everything on credit cards and do payouts down to the penny twice a month. When we do go out to restaurants (rarely), we split the cost of food we share and pay fo our own drinks or whatever separately.
Just curious, what's the benefit of having joint credit cards if you pay them off separately?
Two reasons: First, to maximize credit card rewards. Second, it's a lot easier to do payouts with our 3 joint cards, at 50% each, than with six individual cards and a bunch of complicated math to figure out who owes what.
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Married 8 years. Separate finances, due to separate spending styles. Pretty straightforward since we don't have kids. I technically own our first investment property, but our second and further properties will be all joint, all managed by me.
Much easier to be frugal with a steady partner in one's life. Saves going out to the bars more than once in a while, for one...
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Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
We go dutch all the way and have separate bank account, but joint credit cards. We put everything on credit cards and do payouts down to the penny twice a month. When we do go out to restaurants (rarely), we split the cost of food we share and pay fo our own drinks or whatever separately.
Just curious, what's the benefit of having joint credit cards if you pay them off separately?
Two reasons: First, to maximize credit card rewards. Second, it's a lot easier to do payouts with our 3 joint cards, at 50% each, than with six individual cards and a bunch of complicated math to figure out who owes what.
Awesome, thanks.
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Married, almost 8 years. Finances completely merged.
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As for me, I have a serious live-in girlfriend. She's in college full time but also works 25-35 hours a week as a server. All our accounts are separate and I cover the rent while she covers utilities and groceries. As far as other expenses, it's not a 50/50 split every time but averaged out i'd say we're pretty close to even.
Edit to remove a question already answered!
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Ages 40 and 38 with 3 kids. Together for @ 25 years and married for 18 1/2. Finances have always been merged and have never regretted it!
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i'm sure it's been asked before but who here is single
hello ladies
i ask because i'm curious if it's easier to accumulate wealth staying single or shacking up with someone or being in a relationship. and if you are in a relationship/or cohabitate do you guys go dutch all the way?
I think it has potential to go either way. Certainly living with someone with similar values has great potential to reduce expenses for both of you, but the only difference in that respect that I see between an SO and a good roommate is one less bedroom. The other big advantage would be in shared finances where the two partners have complementary money skills, and so the whole pot is managed more effectively.
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I think it has potential to go either way. Certainly living with someone with similar values has great potential to reduce expenses for both of you, but the only difference in that respect that I see between an SO and a good roommate is one less bedroom. The other big advantage would be in shared finances where the two partners have complementary money skills, and so the whole pot is managed more effectively.
This. I've found that my GF and I play off one another. I know it's been mentioned in other threads, but when one of us is feeling frugal fatigue, the other reigns the situation back in. Also, with similar financial ideals, one member of the relationship isn't trying to make up for (or keep up with) the other's egregious spending.
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Married. Finances completely merged, but spouse is a SAHP, has a large child support obligation, and came into the relationship with debt we paid off.
Basically, marriage has been great for a number of reasons, but very confident that the stache would be significantly larger if weren't married and did not have a child. Luckily, I don't regret any of it.
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I just moved into a place with my boyfriend. We are paying slightly more rent, but it allowed us to choose a place closer to our jobs that on our own we couldn't afford. Sharing the space also meant buying things and furnishing the place meant split costs as well. We didn't have any household things besides a bed. I do think it is helping me save more money with us splitting costs. He is saving money because I am doing more of the cooking and I try to make food available so he doesn't go out for lunches. Our finances are separate, we split the rent, he pays utilities. I normally buy the groceries but every couple months he ends up buying the larger share of them. We are also able to check one another on restaurant costs the mutual support on not going out helps us avoid it. Trying to avoid children for a fair number of years to save up money.
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Married 24 years, no kids, merged finances.
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Married with a 5 month old baby. Both our accounts are merged. My wife and I share the same ideas on frugality. When we were dating she was always more interested in things like nature and free time over material goods just as I was. I knew she was a keeper. It has definitely been a lot easier to accumulate wealth together as we share all our expenses. Plus, life would be dull alone without her and our child.
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i'm sure it's been asked before but who here is single, who is in a serious relationship but not married and who here is full on married with bells/whistles. i ask because i'm curious if it's easier to accumulate wealth staying single or shacking up with someone or being in a relationship. and if you are in a relationship/or cohabitate do you guys go dutch all the way?
If your SO is frugal, two together can grow a serious stache. If you forgo kids, even better. If the SO can build stuff and fix stuff to make it last, grow a big garden and can and preserve--you've hit the jackpot.
I hit the jackpot :) Married 25 years, all finances merged.
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
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Wow, this is just like us! The only dif is the degrees, and DH would never have been up for being a SAHD.
Twins!!
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- divorced- not dating anyone - one kid - things were easier but not better with two salaries. It has been easier to build wealth now that I am single.
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Getting married in 26 days!
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Married 25 years. Finances merged since day 1.
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Woo-hoo, MrCash!
Married ten years, never gone dutch.
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getting married in october. 6 years together but not living together until then so no shared finances although we know about each others earnings and savings. he lives with his mum and our expenses will be around 160% of my current outgoings but our joint income will be 233% of mine.
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
Me 2. There's none left. Seriously. Where are you all??
Splitting a Sydney mortgage and your bills with dual incomes makes a massive difference. It's a no contest really, the financial benefits from being married or de facto are enormous. Not to mention the generous family tax benefits and concessions.
I'm trying to plan a holiday that is not priced as per person twin share and doesn't contain a single supplement. I haven't found one yet lol. Even the travel industry is telling me to shack up.
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25 years into my first marriage, shared finances from the start, wife has gradually accepted the way of the mustachian to the point where we shot past FI last month. Awesome feeling for the both of us.
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Married 18 years with 4 kids. Its important you have the same goals and plans. All our accounts are combined. I don't understand the separate account thing if your married.
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Single and finding it very hard to meet guys with a similar outlook on life :-(
All my workmates think I'm nuts not having a flat mate and people ask me how I can afford it all the time! I feel like just telling them my two basic principles- pay yourself first, and only spend money on things that have meaning.
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
Me 2. There's none left. Seriously. Where are you all??
*Waves hand in the air!* Meeeeee. I'm single.
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Married to DH for more than 4 years and together for almost 7 years total. We are 34 and 33. We have 1 toddler and a baby on the way here shortly. Finances merged since wedding day. He has some investments that he keeps separate (though they are retitled to our trust 'just in case' so our kids are protected). I don't count those in our FI money. He has a set amount of "fun money" each year so he has own checking account and spends money on whatever (it is direct deposited into his account semi-monthly so I never count the money either). We have found it easy to work together. Our money conversations tend to be about investments and our strategy since the budget is basically the same month to month.
When we got married, we (ahem, I) had $70K left of SL debt from my degree (luckily, my income more than paid for my SL's), a small car loan, and a $134K mortgage. We built everything from scratch and had no joint savings together. I estimate our net worth has swung over $600K in the 4 years we've been married. We could FI today but we continue to work because DH is not mentally ready and we want to fund more "luxuries" in the budget (vacation, fun money, more gap between our expenses and 4% SWR).
We are best of friends, get along very well, have inside jokes, have fun together, and talk about everything. The biggest area that we need to work on in our relationship is "showing" each other how much we love each other....difficult with 2 jobs, small kid(s). Anyway, I feel so lucky to have found him and my kids have this awesome guy as their father and role model.
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Crazy cat lady!
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
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I'm 25 and single. I've been going on dates here and there. Since I got a dog the whole companionship/snuggling thing is covered, so I'm not looking too hard.
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
I have a feeling we are very well represented around here!
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30. in a serious relationship for 11 years. we are shacked up and have a 9.5 year old. everything is in my name, but only because i'm usually the only one working and since we aren't married the bank wouldn't put him on the loan. i pay for just about everything. when he isn't being a SAHD and works for a bit his money is spending money for him, although he does like to take me out to dinner with it quite often =)
i am funding our retirement. i do all of this (mostly) happily. he runs the house and he runs it well, that is worth its weight in gold.
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Married for umm . . . fivish? We were in a committed dating relationship for at least 9 years before that though . . .
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Single lady as well. Living cheaper would depend on whether or not I can find an equally frugal guy who shares my interests. I'll second the comment on how it can make travel more expensive.
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So, all you "single and looking" folks - have you gone to the right subforum?
https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/personals/
Anyway - Married (first) for almost 19 years, one infant.
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Married 12 years. Everything is merged.
30. in a serious relationship for 11 years. we are shacked up and have a 9.5 year old. everything is in my name, but only because i'm usually the only one working and since we aren't married the bank wouldn't put him on the loan. i pay for just about everything. when he isn't being a SAHD and works for a bit his money is spending money for him, although he does like to take me out to dinner with it quite often =)
i am funding our retirement. i do all of this (mostly) happily. he runs the house and he runs it well, that is worth its weight in gold.
I always want to hug you when I read your posts about how much you appreciate your bf's role in the relationship. :) My husband says similar things and it's great to have such a supportive partner.
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I've been with my partner for 10 years (living together for 6). Marriage is not an option as a gay couple in the south. That said I doubt we would marry anyway. We keep separate finances except for a joint credit card. It's always been easiest for us that way bc we both were already established and merging just didn't seem advantageous. The joint card is great for groceries, household items, travel etc. I definitely reached my financial goals much faster bc of our co habitation. His house was already payed off so I just pay nominal rent and my place immediately became a cash flowing rental.
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Married 5 years, have known each other for 15 years, finances are merged but I think a couple accounts still have just one of our names on them.
Can a moderator add a poll to this? I think it would be interesting to see actual poll results.
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Married for one year, living together for 5, together for 9ish. All finances combined.
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Getting married in 26 days!
congrats!!!
anyway, for me, serious relationship for the last 3+ years, living in sin for 2+, planning on getting married eventually :) overall I think we are very frugally compatible in that we are both good at being frugal in different areas, and then the other one tends to help rein in our weak spots (I actually wish he would help rein me in a little more on buying clothes I don't need, haha). that being said I'm not sure if I would be financially better off being single at this point in time... he moved across the country with me when I got my job (what can I say, he's a keeper!), so he was unemployed for a few months and I paid all of our rent/utilities. then he got a job but still makes less than half of what I do, so I just kept on paying those bills. I guess if I was single I would live somewhere cheaper (we rent a 2bd house with a small yard, partially for his/our dog) but I am so happy with my life I can't even think about that! for things like groceries, stuff around the house, going out to eat, we tend to go back and forth/split it pretty evenly, but we don't keep track. we each have our own insurance/cell phone bills (I know it seems like we would save a ton of money if we got on the same cell phone plan, but I'm actually still on the family plan so I just pay my dad $30/month... spoiled :))
actually one of the reasons I haven't posted a case study on here yet is that my boyfriend doesn't track his spending, so really I have no idea what "we" spend on groceries, eating out, etc. in a month... one of the reasons I am so excited about the "track all your grocery spending" challenge because I'm actually entering ALL our receipts, not just the ones I pay for!
we both want kids eventually and if I stay in this field and he doesn't get any major certifications it would make A LOT more sense for him to be a SAHD. we have only talked about it briefly but I think he'd be down for at least trying it, which is awesome.
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Married with kids since 21.
We fall into the camp "thought we were frugal until we discovered MMM". Our main debt is student loans from graduate degrees.
I would say it really depends on the mate. A partner can just as easily compound spending and debt as limit it. A quality, frugal and stable relationship is probably best but it can be hard to find when money is such a weirdly taboo topic.
Currently I'm the one constantly saying no. I love my wife but it can be tiring being the one to constantly restrict spending. Hopefully her frugality muscles get stronger, as it's less an issue of shared values/long term goals and more that she easily gets tripped up by small purchases which quickly add up.
All finances combined. It is the only way it would work given our very lopsided incomes.
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I'm single, 42, no kids, never been married. Finding it very hard to meet anyone frugal or even be frugal while dating (despite the Scottish stereotype of the mean Scotsman!)
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I chose "dating", which seems weird since we have lived together for 5+ years. "Partnered" would probably be more accurate.
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I chose "dating", which seems weird since we have lived together for 5+ years. "Partnered" would probably be more accurate.
Partnered should be included in the poll. I'm in a 10 year committed relationship without an option to marry so there is nothing to choose in this poll.
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In a serious relationship for nearly 5 years, may or may not marry, it's just not such a big deal these days in Australia. We haven't even lived together yet, so, separate finances. Even when we live together, there seems to be no reason to merge in our current circumstances. Not sure if we'll have kids. We go dutch, but sometimes we treat each other. If one of us earns or accumulates enough money for the two of us, the rich one would probably take on the role of the financial provider. Or, if one person is somehow at a disadvantage, then the other person will take care of things. Right now, we're pretty equal so there's no reason why one should financially support another, and pooling won't make much difference either.
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I'm single, 42, no kids, never been married. Finding it very hard to meet anyone frugal or even be frugal while dating (despite the Scottish stereotype of the mean Scotsman!)
If only we were lesbians! Because there is nothing I love more than a Scottish accent, except perhaps watching mists roll over ruined castles and lonely heathered moors!
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I chose "dating", which seems weird since we have lived together for 5+ years. "Partnered" would probably be more accurate.
Partnered should be included in the poll. I'm in a 10 year committed relationship without an option to marry so there is nothing to choose in this poll.
Agreed, I get the sense that the forum is overwhelmingly straight/cis so I think it just didn't occur to them to add it.
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Living together since December. Can anyone explain why it's called "going Dutch?" Being Dutch myself, I don't understand why it's called going Dutch. My bf and I have separate finances.
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Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
I agree. Looking around the forum, there was a thread a few weeks ago about characteristics of early retirees, and it listed 'still married to their first spouse' there.
It seems that a couple has synergy on its side - being able to share expenses and bail each other out in tough times (emotionally as well as financially). But a divorce will completely frag your finances and, looking at my friends who are divorced, set you back worse than if you'd stayed single the whole time.
It really depends on your situation. Sometimes it is not the divorce itself that frags your finances, but the person you are divorcing. My divorce cost me between $60-70k, but was one of the best financial moves of my life. My ex was dragging us deeper and deeper into debt every year, but since we split up my net worth has grown seemingly logarithmically. The credit is not all mine, my new girlfriend (Not married yet, but sharing expenses) has played a huge role in making this happen; but my point is it is all about having the right partner, not necessarily the first. I'm sure there are a lot of mustachians in a similar position to mine. The expenses are not cut in half as a couple, you both have to eat, but it is more efficient.
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Long distance relationship, aka the worst case scenario for saving money. Separate households, lots of driving back and forth, etc. And since we only see each other on weekends, and have to make a special trip to do so, we've never moved beyond the perceived need to do something special ($$$) when we get together.
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
As if! *wipes cat hair from yoga pants*
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Divorced, 3 kids, no support. I save 33% of my income (not as mustaschian as most of you, but better than the stereotypical single mom). He was horrible with money, so I was used to making do with what was left over and I continued those habits once I was in control of all the finances.
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Currently separated, waiting for one year to be up so can file for divorce. Hoping to one day find a mustaschian love interest.
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Somewhere in between married and divorced.. things are quite ugly right now and not sure whether they will get better or not. we have had the divorce discussion.
so.. it is complicated.. we've been married for 9+ years, together 12+ years and have 2 kids. Things are pretty much joint (her car is in her name, for some reason she wanted to do that, I still have no idea why as the reason she gave was not accurate, but that was over 4 years ago).
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Married 19 years (to crazy cat lady... or, more correctly, to Ellie May Clampett). No kids. Finances 100% merged. She mostly does a lot of the financial planning -- mostly because she's able to do it less emotionally and more rationally than I do. (I had a habit of buying stock in companies I wanted to succeed instead of buying companies that were successful.) I would say we're pretty financially compatible: both somewhat cheapskates; both savers.
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"Dating" I guess. Been together 2.50685 years, known each other for 4.2712 years. Cohabitating with another couple (her sister and sister's boyfriend). We have separate finances, but buy each other little things every so often and not keep meticulous track of it all. I'm more frugal than her, but she's very much on the anti-consumerism, anti-expensive-cars, anti-let's-buy-stupid-crap, bandwagon. One car between the two of us (mine).
Yesterday I figured out our combined net worth is roughly $30,000 more than her sister and sister's boyfriend (and we're 23 and 21; not exactly super financially established yet). That was legitimately frightening. We make about the same as them (a little less, at the moment, and probably more in the near future).
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Married, year and a half
Cohabiting couple here! It's definitely easier to build wealth as a couple, since the expenses are cut in half but the income stays the same.
We go dutch all the way and have separate bank account, but joint credit cards. We put everything on credit cards and do payouts down to the penny twice a month. When we do go out to restaurants (rarely), we split the cost of food we share and pay fo our own drinks or whatever separately.
Just curious, what's the benefit of having joint credit cards if you pay them off separately?
Two reasons: First, to maximize credit card rewards. Second, it's a lot easier to do payouts with our 3 joint cards, at 50% each, than with six individual cards and a bunch of complicated math to figure out who owes what.
Another reason is related to FICO scores (as it relates to joint cards and not necessarily paying them separately, although we do just like Zikoris):
It can help with all five categories of a FICO score but the obvious ones are 1. increasing the average age of accounts (15% of FICO calculation) for that person that may not have as much credit history/score as their spouse 2. debt utilization (30% of FICO calculation) would most likely go down for mustachians* which is a good thing and 3. as long as the person with the lower score is being added to the higher person's account, they take on the payment history (35% of score), which is hopefully a good history.
*if someone was linked to an account that was highly utilized, or at least when compared to the previous overall revolving debt utilization ratio, this would cause debt utilization to increase. However, as long as increasing the total credit limit across all revolving accounts (via being added as an authorized user) while keeping spending relatively constant it should go down.
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Living together since December. Can anyone explain why it's called "going Dutch?" Being Dutch myself, I don't understand why it's called going Dutch. My bf and I have separate finances.
"Going Dutch" means paying for what you ordered at a restaurant instead of chivalrizing all over the bill. Etymology of this phrase is disputed: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch#Etymology There's a chance it comes from when the English called everything that they thought was backwards "Dutch."
(Fun facts, because I've gone down this rabbithole: "Some Latin American countries use the Spanish phrase pagar a la americana (literally "to pay American style") which refers to a trait attributed to people from the United States or Canada." and "In El Salvador the rhyming phrase Ley de Esparta... Cada quien paga lo que se harta, which means 'Spartan Law, each pays what he/she eats'.")
Also, according to stateside publications, at least, the Dutch aren't half as interested in marriage as folks in the US. E.g. this link (http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/roiphe/2013/10/marriage_and_the_dutch_what_americans_could_learn_from_the_conjugal_indifference.html). I'm not sure whether or not this is what people are referring to above, but the first person to post about splitting finances also was in a long-term non-marriage relationship.
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
Me 2. There's none left. Seriously. Where are you all??
*Waves hand in the air!* Meeeeee. I'm single.
This. I'm 26. It's slim pickins out there, especially for the frugal type. All the girls around here are too concerned with material and partying their ass off and wonder how they spend $400 a month at the bar. But I'm so busy with playing music and working that I'm barely looking.
I've gone on a date recently, it was pretty much a wash. And this girl comes from money and uhh, dinner was expensive; she's a bit far from frugal.
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I'm single, 42, no kids, never been married. Finding it very hard to meet anyone frugal or even be frugal while dating (despite the Scottish stereotype of the mean Scotsman!)
If only we were lesbians! Because there is nothing I love more than a Scottish accent, except perhaps watching mists roll over ruined castles and lonely heathered moors!
Hahaha! That would be one solution I suppose!
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Divorced. It cost a lot but it was worth it financially (and emotionally) in the end. My ex was a big spender and spent every last penny in his pocket. Influenced me for a time to do the same.
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Married for almost 7 years now, two kids, 4 year old girl, 2 year old boy and baby number 3 is due on June 2nd. Our finances are combined and we meet every other Friday night when I get paid to review our budget. Friday night budget parties...this is what my life has come to.
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Married, with one daughter (23) living on her own, one son (19) in college and semi-independent (pays for his own school costs, entertainment, clothing, and vehicle costs but not food/medical/dental), and another son (15) and daughter (13) still at home and, of course, fully dependent.
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
Me 2. There's none left. Seriously. Where are you all??
*Waves hand in the air!* Meeeeee. I'm single.
This. I'm 26. It's slim pickins out there, especially for the frugal type. All the girls around here are too concerned with material and partying their ass off and wonder how they spend $400 a month at the bar. But I'm so busy with playing music and working that I'm barely looking.
I've gone on a date recently, it was pretty much a wash. And this girl comes from money and uhh, dinner was expensive; she's a bit far from frugal.
Don't give up hope, we do exist! I have found that girls who are into outdoorsy things, volunteering, gaming, and biking tend to be less materialistic and more DIY/frugal.
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Don't give up hope, we do exist! I have found that girls who are into outdoorsy things, volunteering, gaming, and biking tend to be less materialistic and more DIY/frugal.
Yeah I'm keeping my hopes up. I've noticed that for sure though, the outdoorsy types are definitely more frugal. Which is good for me since I love the outdoors!
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i never thought i'd get married. i never had what you would call "good luck" with love and hardly ever had a boyfriend ... but life is funny and i got hitched to a lovely scotsman about a year and a half ago. we've got a good thing going on, but i have to admit i still kind of identify with the spinsterhood!
we have been in the process of merging our finances since we got married and we're almost there. by the end of this year, we'll be out of debt and really starting to accumulate some assets ... exciting!
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I had to choose "It's Complicated" because I'm married, but separated. The financial situation is the complicated part; after 3.5 years of separation I'm still unwinding my finances from his well-being. Only reason we aren't divorced is that he can stay on my medical coverage this way. I don't really care what it is called, as long as I don't have to live with him. We have both been good about honoring our agreements, which is helpful.
But... complicated.
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
I have a feeling we are very well represented around here!
I'll add myself to the ranks of crazy cat lady. Though, in all fairness, it's my cat that is crazy, not me.
I'm single, but rooming with a relative at the moment and our finances are merged. (No, I'm not a mooch! We did work out the situation beforehand, and have written agreements and all that). It's working out well, but I am looking forward to making my own financial decisions based on my own priorities.
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Married for two years, but together for 11 years, so our finances have slowly been merging over time.
In a strictly pragmatic sense, I would have a higher net worth right now if I had been single, as I worked to put him through University (with help from his parents and some not-outrageous student loans), but I suspect that will even out over time as his education is starting to pay off, wage-wise. The loans are almost all paid off now, so we'll start 'stashing for real within the next couple months.
In actual real-life terms, I wouldn't regret it even if it didn't even out, as I'm married to my best friend (yeah, whatever, I know it's corny, but it's true) and we have a blast together. Fortunately, he is anti-consumerist, fairly frugal, and quite handy, so we make a good pair financially speaking as well, and while we may have gotten off to a slow start (27 with approx. zero net worth, if you don't count the car) I have no doubt that we'll meet our goals together handily.
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Married 12 years. Everything is merged.
30. in a serious relationship for 11 years. we are shacked up and have a 9.5 year old. everything is in my name, but only because i'm usually the only one working and since we aren't married the bank wouldn't put him on the loan. i pay for just about everything. when he isn't being a SAHD and works for a bit his money is spending money for him, although he does like to take me out to dinner with it quite often =)
i am funding our retirement. i do all of this (mostly) happily. he runs the house and he runs it well, that is worth its weight in gold.
I always want to hug you when I read your posts about how much you appreciate your bf's role in the relationship. :) My husband says similar things and it's great to have such a supportive partner.
ace1224, my husband is also a SAHD (a recent occupation for him, as our son is only 18 months). I couldn't agree with you more about the immeasurable value my husband adds to our family. He's so great at raising our son, too. I can't imagine how much harder everything would be (for me) if both of us worked full time.
We have separate bank, investing and retirement accounts, but since I'm the only one working right now I just pay all bills out of my bank account. We share a credit card. I feel that whenever my husband goes back to work we will probably combine our checking account. Seems like it would be easier that way. There is no 'I' in team!
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
Me 2. There's none left. Seriously. Where are you all??
*Waves hand in the air!* Meeeeee. I'm single.
*sigh* if you weren't so far away LOL :)
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Married 12 years. Everything is merged.
30. in a serious relationship for 11 years. we are shacked up and have a 9.5 year old. everything is in my name, but only because i'm usually the only one working and since we aren't married the bank wouldn't put him on the loan. i pay for just about everything. when he isn't being a SAHD and works for a bit his money is spending money for him, although he does like to take me out to dinner with it quite often =)
i am funding our retirement. i do all of this (mostly) happily. he runs the house and he runs it well, that is worth its weight in gold.
I always want to hug you when I read your posts about how much you appreciate your bf's role in the relationship. :) My husband says similar things and it's great to have such a supportive partner.
ace1224, my husband is also a SAHD (a recent occupation for him, as our son is only 18 months). I couldn't agree with you more about the immeasurable value my husband adds to our family. He's so great at raising our son, too. I can't imagine how much harder everything would be (for me) if both of us worked full time.
We have separate bank, investing and retirement accounts, but since I'm the only one working right now I just pay all bills out of my bank account. We share a credit card. I feel that whenever my husband goes back to work we will probably combine our checking account. Seems like it would be easier that way. There is no 'I' in team!
I'm going to give you an internet hug, too, wild wendella. :) And I want to add that you, ace, and my husband are so awesome in being comfortable with taking on the sole income earner role. I know it has to be stressful at times. I'm planning to work again in 4-8 years (depends on a few factors). But once I do have a job, that earned money will be combined with my husband's, just like the money in our relationship has always been...well, I guess we have individual retirement accounts b/c that's how they are set up--but in theory, we see them as merged.
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Soon to be crazy cat lady...actually I already am....relationship or not...
speaking of relationships....married for 13 years, been together for 23+ years, currently in the process of separating, most likely headed for divorce soon
....so I selected "it's complicated"
Have had separate finances all the way...very grateful for that now ;)
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I'm single with no kids. Looking a nice frugal woman :)
Me 2. There's none left. Seriously. Where are you all??
*Waves hand in the air!* Meeeeee. I'm single.
*sigh* if you weren't so far away LOL :)
(https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/what%27s-your-relationship-status/?action=dlattach;attach=3370;image)<-- the PM button is right over there
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Single, 26 M. It's my normal state of being.
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(https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/what%27s-your-relationship-status/?action=dlattach;attach=3370;image)<-- the PM button is right over there
I've already responded to his personal add, so don't worry :P
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(https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/what%27s-your-relationship-status/?action=dlattach;attach=3370;image)<-- the PM button is right over there
I've already responded to his personal add, so don't worry :P
haha :D yeah afraid the round trip commute of 3000 miles for a coffee posed a bit of a problem.
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Single but not quite the crazy cat lady because I've got chickens, ducks and bees all keeping me company in suburbia. I'm very focused on environmental and sustainability issues so it's hard to find someone with a similar mindset in this suburb of NYC where the focus is on consumption.
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Living together since December. Can anyone explain why it's called "going Dutch?" Being Dutch myself, I don't understand why it's called going Dutch. My bf and I have separate finances.
"Going Dutch" means paying for what you ordered at a restaurant instead of chivalrizing all over the bill. Etymology of this phrase is disputed: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch#Etymology There's a chance it comes from when the English called everything that they thought was backwards "Dutch."
(Fun facts, because I've gone down this rabbithole: "Some Latin American countries use the Spanish phrase pagar a la americana (literally "to pay American style") which refers to a trait attributed to people from the United States or Canada." and "In El Salvador the rhyming phrase Ley de Esparta... Cada quien paga lo que se harta, which means 'Spartan Law, each pays what he/she eats'.")
Also, according to stateside publications, at least, the Dutch aren't half as interested in marriage as folks in the US. E.g. this link (http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/roiphe/2013/10/marriage_and_the_dutch_what_americans_could_learn_from_the_conjugal_indifference.html). I'm not sure whether or not this is what people are referring to above, but the first person to post about splitting finances also was in a long-term non-marriage relationship.
Huh interesting. Facepunch for the English for calling the Dutch "backwards" lol. But I guess the money part is true, my bf and I ususally split the bill, or we take turns paying. And yes, people here tend to get married late compared to the US. Almost no one under 30 gets married, unless they're religious.
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Married. We "dated" for 7-8 years before we married and merged finances fairly early in- joint bank accounts, bought a house together, etc. We've been married for almost 11 years...so together for 18-ish. So far it's going well. :)
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Single and just hitting the dating scene again after about a year. I'm in new territory as a 42 yo single mom. :)
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Ages 40 and 38 with 3 kids. Together for @ 25 years and married for 18 1/2. Finances have always been merged and have never regretted it!
Together since 13 years old??
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Ages 40 and 38 with 3 kids. Together for @ 25 years and married for 18 1/2. Finances have always been merged and have never regretted it!
Together since 13 years old??
I think the 18 1/2 is included in the 25 years. So 6 1/2 years together before marriage.
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We live together common law. We dated for 7 years and moved in together about a year ago. Wish we'd done it sooner!
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Married to a very frugal/ DYI guy for 23 years. He put me through school and helped me get over my materialistic earlier years. He made me in charge of our finances when I was staying home, shopping, and he was working. After a complete 180 turn around, my friends say that I "squeek" when I walk. Life is great when you are on the same page.
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Together for 12 years, co-habiting for 10, married for 3.5. Both have our own money and contribute proportionally by income to joint account for mortgage, bills, holidays and such. Cars are saved for and run separately. If i stopped earning (say when we have kids) we might consider combining (esp to avoid an 'allowance' situation) We are both pretty good with money and our respective baby 'staches are considered 'our money' but we both like the fact we can do what we want with our own money whilst completely supporting our joint goals. Works for us.
DH has earned more in his career than I have so far in our relationship but I am 7 years younger so I suspect I will probably be taking up some slack in a few years when he's 50 and thinking of kicking back a bit. We're a bit behind for very early retirement (I'm 32 and he's 39) but we're currently aiming for 55 for him. FI will be worth it along with a paid off house. We're so far ahead of most people we know but that's easy to forget when you're aiming for FI(RE)
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Together for six years, married for one year.
Bought a house one year ago
Everything is merged. House, accounts, savings, credit card.
Except one account for allowance for each (So i don't have to argue about spending money on games, PC equipment and so on).
Several insurances are on her name, because she is a teacher and this is cheaper for us.
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Ages 40 and 38 with 3 kids. Together for @ 25 years and married for 18 1/2. Finances have always been merged and have never regretted it!
Together since 13 years old??
Childhood sweethearts.
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I'm married and we have been together 21 years this year although I'm still fairly young at 38. We have only really been planning our financial future seriously for the past couple of years.
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Been together over 10yrs... i think it's about 12 or 13 now... lost count. Not married but Common Law. All finances shared since 2nd year.
Amazing girl, we just had our 2nd kid not too long ago. We kinda contrast in our ways... she's a bit of a planner/worry wort... while i'm more of a go-with-the-flow, no worries guy. She has said I've 'chilled' her out a bit and she made me much more responsible. So we work well together :)
Both extremely happy together. She has always had FIRE since I met her, not extreme or anything but like at 50.
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i ask because i'm curious if it's easier to accumulate wealth staying single or shacking up with someone or being in a relationship. and if you are in a relationship/or cohabitate do you guys go dutch all the way?
I'm recently married (1 year anniversary next week - woot woot!).
In answer to your question about which option is easier - I think it 100% depends on the nature of your relationship. In my case I think that on the balance being married will probably (??) help me build wealth...but it's complicated. The one thing that I do know and that is essential to me is that my husband is on the same page about money. My values toward money are deeply set, so there is no way I could have married someone who didn't have similar values.
On the positive side:
- my husband earns a high income, so that's a benefit for me!
- marrying him opens up the opportunity for me to seek work in the USA rather than just in Canada, which MIGHT increase my earning potential (yet to be seen, but I hope so!). Yes, I hope to be one the those immigrants who "took yer jerbs"...until I retire early :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=768h3Tz4Qik
- In general we have the ability to live in the USA or Canada, which could come in handy at various times in life. It's not as easy as you would think to move back and forth, but at least the option is there.
- We are both naturally frugal (well, compared to normal folks, not necessarily compared to the mustachian army) and we motivate each other to save money and make frugal choices.
- When we are finally able to live together (visa processes are no joke!) we will have some economies of scale. Honestly though, not a huge change since we've each had roommates the majority of the time that we've lived apart. At the very least, keeping up with cooking and cleaning will become easier when there are two of us to pitch in!
- A positive for him - my family is somewhat wealthy (in the middle class sense, not like east coast blue bloods) and give us a LOT even though we don't need the help.
On the negative side
- It's likely we'll move back and forth between Canada and the USA throughout our lives. This makes our financial lives complicated and disadvantaged in certain ways. We can't take advantage of all the same retirement vehicles as people who live in either Canada or the USA (thanks for that, IRS). It also means we'll likely have to pay for some tax prep & planning support at some stage. We will probably also end up in weird limbos at various times with regards to our contributions to social security vs CPP, EI type benefits, etc.
- My family and his family do not live in the same place. This puts us in the traveling to see family, for holidays, etc, which makes life more costly. If I were single I'd certainly settle down near my family and not have this cost.
- For my DH, if he was single he'd be totally free to chase the money in his career. (He can opt for short term transfers to different locations for a significant bump in pay). He is doing this currently, however, once I've moved to be with him we'll have two careers to worry about and it won't be quite as easy to just pick up and go where the money is flowing.
- A negative for me - his family is not so great on the money front. I'm seriously concerned that we'll end up supporting them financially in their retirement, which is shitty.
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Together for 19 years, married for 18. Financial attitudes very similar. (Mustachian.) Throw incomes into the pot, and share and share alike.
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Together since we started dating on January 17, 1993.
Engaged December 17, 1993.
Married June 17, 1995.
Been married ever since.
Joint accounts, checking/saving/etc.
individual retirement accounts with the other spouse designated as primary beneficiary, kids as contingent co-beneficiaries
Sometimes we work on it together better than other times where I tend to take on more of the responsibility.
Kids are 9 and 11 and have a plan for college we worked out together.
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Being married allowed me to save some money on things like food, and it allowed me to buy a house as we could combine our incomes (along with the fact that my wife wasn't making a poverty First Officers wage at a regional airline at the time).
Things really got advantageous when we had kids though. That's where being married and on the same page financially kicks into overdrive. I think we've made lots more money by having me stay home while my wife started a business. That's a $2000 a month savings in childcare. Massive food savings, home and car maintenance (I do it myself) and tons of other things.
You really start to become a corporation when you're married with kids and there has to be divisions of labor. That's where I think it's most advantageous to be married.
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Married for almost 7 years now, two kids, 4 year old girl, 2 year old boy and baby number 3 is due on June 2nd. Our finances are combined and we meet every other Friday night when I get paid to review our budget. Friday night budget parties...this is what my life has come to.
Your avatar says you are in Kingston. Nice small city, not too cold, and university/college cities tend to have lots of cheap interesting activities going on. You have Queen's and St. Lawrence College, check out what they have on for fun/cheap date nights. One of my best concert nights out was Jim Cuddy at St. Lawrence's Cornwall campus - small venue, free parking, tickets were not too expensive. And please do not forget date nights, they remind couples that the marriage comes ahead of the kids.
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Single for 25 years, (yes, i am 25) Looking for the right frugal girl out there.
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Married since Oct 13, 2012
Been together since Sept 7, 2009
Have two stepsons, 21 yr old and 18 yr old...child support, college support, and ex wife involvement will end in 2017 :)
Joint accounts...I really thought I would keep everything separate since I came in with a lot more money in investment accounts/savings account. I like having the joint accounts :) DH is 50 and I am 39...will be able to retire in 10 years with a paid off house and will be selling that to move to the Southwest.
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Single, 26. East coast fella.
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Married almost 24 years. One teenager, one cat, one horse. All finances combined. It helps that neither of us brought debt to the marriage and that we make about the same. We're pretty careful.
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
My lady wants to turn our home into a cat farm! We compromised with 2 cats, one we already have and another kitten soon.
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Getting married in 12 days. Whew. Have already combined finances and budget together.
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Married for 5 years, together for 7. We have 3 young children, including an infant and toddler. We been busy. :)
Previous divorce destroyed my stache and I found myself starting over at age 38 (at least there were no kids, thank God). Don't do divorce if you do not have to, it really sucks. Mrs. SmilingBob is a real keeper though, we are a great team and are all joint accounts (no dutch here), debt free except for the mortgage.
Edit: Congrats to Jwilliams!
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Getting married in 12 days. Whew. Have already combined finances and budget together.
Congratulations! And best wishes!
My husband and I started dating in college (he was 19, I was 20). We got married four years later and just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We had good examples from both sets of parents about the importance of saving early and often. Our first year of marriage, we saved my whole salary (about 50% of our combined income). We've added a kid, who keeps growing out of her shoes and has reached the age (12) where all her pant legs are suddenly too short. Fortunately, it's almost shorts weather. :)
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Dating: May 29, 2008
Engaged: June 18, 2011
Married: May 27, 2012
Age 34/38
Financial pros mostly come from living together (e.g. sharing housing costs, cooking for 2) not from marriage itself. Marriage itself...well, we could both go on each other's insurance now. And my parents give nice anniversary presents (too bad we didn't marry 10 years ago like my siblings). But for the most part we're on the same page financially, otherwise it might be a negative.
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Married 30 years in a few months- started out together with nothing but dreams and many have come true!
Always had only one scoreboard. For a while, I was the "featured running back" and rushed for the most yards.
That flipped a decade ago when she became the major contributor and I became more choosy over how I wanted to spend my professional time. Come to discover I don't suffer fools well, don't like managing other people and have a maverick mentality when viewed through the corporate prism. I only work on projects where the people are great and the tasks interesting to me. I like be able to say "No, I am going to have to pass on that project".
Happily my wifes career track blossomed, even during the tumultuous last decade, and she has a big interesting executive position that she loves.
Not bad for the single mom without a BA I started dating 32 years ago.
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We kinda contrast in our ways... she's a bit of a planner/worry wort... while i'm more of a go-with-the-flow, no worries guy. She has said I've 'chilled' her out a bit and she made me much more responsible. So we work well together :)
this is me exactly! I'm the neurotic one, he's the one who would forget to pay bills if he were still in charge of them :) it works really well for us too. I like having everything under control, but sometimes I really need someone to talk me off a ledge and remind me that whatever I'm stressed about is NOT the end of the world.
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Single, although I get told I am too nice a lot, so I assume I'm fugly...
On the plus side I've got a flatmate to share costs and so on.
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
My lady wants to turn our home into a cat farm! We compromised with 2 cats, one we already have and another kitten soon.
We have 6 cats.:)
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Married, merged finances.
Advantages aside from the economies of a household of two are mostly structural in the law, but they're more extensive than most people think about: my much better insurance through work (cheaper by far for me to insure us both and for us to meet the max out of pocket than for him to pay his premiums through work...), my pension, which will include health care coverage for us both (he has a pension, but it doesn't include health), and the general ability to take care of "stuff" however conveniences us most.
For example, we bought an empty parcel next to our property a couple of years ago, and it's still in my name only because I was able to take time away from work to close, just for example. If something happens to me, it will go to him without probate, even if I didn't have a will (which I do).
Also, our vehicles are in various names, depending on who could get to the courthouse at the time of purchase. Ironically, I think he owns my daily driver, but I own a large truck and a trailer that I cannot easily drive (not at all in combination and the truck alone with difficulty and a pillow behind my back).
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Crazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
My lady wants to turn our home into a cat farm! We compromised with 2 cats, one we already have and another kitten soon.
We have 6 cats.:)
is there a cat thread? I think I may start one.
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Single, although I get told I am too nice a lot, so I assume I'm fugly...
Maybe not. I was really nice to girls when I was single. Looking back I think it came off as kinda needy or desperate, even though I was just trying to be nice. People lose interest if something appears too easy to get.
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Single. And I'm not sure if I ever want to get married, or have kids.
Not because I'm against it, but, maybe I'm just too selfish =)
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In a long term relationship (3 years this coming July). The partner isn't fully on board with Mustachianism yet, but the important thing is, he respects my values and the independent, anti-consumerist lifestyle I'm trying to lead. It's a work in progress. I could learn more from him about being more generous and happier in the moment.
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I lived with my girlfriend when I first joined the forums, but moved out last Oct.
(We are still good friends, and also business partners)
Dating again - my recent blog post summary of the idea of early retirement (http://biodieselhauling.blogspot.com/2014/03/all-of-money-stuff-condensed.html) was largely written for a particular woman I've been seeing. I managed to work the whole MMM/ERE thing into conversation on my first date with another woman, and emailed it to her the next day.
She responded with follow-up questions on home ownership and raising children - i.e. taking it seriously, and trying to figure out how to integrate the idea with her other life plans.
A couple days later the first woman informed me she had just paid the last of her student loans in full. I said "congratulations... interesting timing. Coincidence?" to which she responded "not coincidence :)"
In other words, if either one of these works out long term, I've got them on board already :) :) :) :)
I think I'm going to send that blog post to every prospective new date, until I'm married.
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At the risk of having fire and brimstone thrown at me, I suggest that if being married is better than being single, for a MMM lifestyle, then polygamous marriage should be better still.
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Dating a wonderful woman and will be moving into the place she just bought this weekend (eek!). Very excited. I learned of MMM a couple months after we started dating and although she was skeptical at first, she's coming around! Despite that, she is more frugal than I am and makes a good bit more than I do.
Her skepticism came from my spreadsheets (I'm a total nerd for spreadsheets--I wouldn't say she dislikes my spreadsheets but I think at times it might get a bit tedious) not accounting for "life"--the unexpected things. But I had an "Incidentals" category! And I built in buffers to every category! Bah. Anyway, whether she believes right now that we will be able to FIRE or not doesn't really matter because we're both reducing spending and increasing saving.
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At the risk of having fire and brimstone thrown at me, I suggest that if being married is better than being single, for a MMM lifestyle, then polygamous marriage should be better still.
Communal living is certainly very mustachian. I mean, you don't have to have a sexual relationship with all the people in the commune, but platonic love would go far.
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At the risk of having fire and brimstone thrown at me, I suggest that if being married is better than being single, for a MMM lifestyle, then polygamous marriage should be better still.
Communal living is certainly very mustachian. I mean, you don't have to have a sexual relationship with all the people in the commune, but platonic love would go far.
I save a lot of money having two roommates, that's for sure. A lot easier to do this when not married ;)
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At the risk of having fire and brimstone thrown at me, I suggest that if being married is better than being single, for a MMM lifestyle, then polygamous marriage should be better still.
Communal living is certainly very mustachian. I mean, you don't have to have a sexual relationship with all the people in the commune, but platonic love would go far.
Hey now, I am married and we do have a roommate. You just need the right spouse to go along with the crazy. :P
I save a lot of money having two roommates, that's for sure. A lot easier to do this when not married ;)
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[quoteCrazy cat lady!
Oh good, I thought I was the only one!
I guess there are at least 3 of us:)
I have a feeling we are very well represented around here!
][/quote]
A crazy cat man here. Real men admit they love cats. Married 18 years merged finances, she is now much more frugal than before. Both cat lovers.
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Single. It occurred to me recently that if I could find someone with similar spending habits and net worth we could retire immediately and go on a permanent honeymoon.
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Single. It occurred to me recently that if I could find someone with similar spending habits and net worth we could retire immediately and go on a permanent honeymoon.
Also single
Permanent honeymoons sound like paradise. :)
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Single. Divorced. And pretty choosy.
Sorry Marty bad luck: I live closer but am old enough to be your mother.
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28 years of marriage in May
As I keep telling her since our 3 month of dating mark - I've never gone out with anyone this long
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Not to come in and poll nitpick, but I'm gonna come in and poll nitpick. It's the finest MMM Forum tradition after all.
What's the point of creating a demographic poll with some arbitrary limitation of the widely-understood set of the possible responses? I am neither "just dating" someone nor engaged to them. These random subsets of the possible response set make it hard to draw any conclusion from the data.
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Single. It occurred to me recently that if I could find someone with similar spending habits and net worth we could retire immediately and go on a permanent honeymoon.
Also single
Permanent honeymoons sound like paradise. :)
+1
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Married. Separate finances (with a contract). We split costs evenly. We are both (too?) frugal. Expenses in Europe for us both were less than 1500 eur month (with a 500 eur/month travel budget). In US, we spend less than 1000 dollar/month (south). Technically, we could stop working, but we both enjoy what we do. We are 28 and 30.
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Not to come in and poll nitpick, but I'm gonna come in and poll nitpick. It's the finest MMM Forum tradition after all.
What's the point of creating a demographic poll with some arbitrary limitation of the widely-understood set of the possible responses? I am neither "just dating" someone nor engaged to them. These random subsets of the possible response set make it hard to draw any conclusion from the data.
Yup. "Dating" is like a 30k-150k category in an income poll.
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Not to come in and poll nitpick, but I'm gonna come in and poll nitpick. It's the finest MMM Forum tradition after all.
What's the point of creating a demographic poll with some arbitrary limitation of the widely-understood set of the possible responses? I am neither "just dating" someone nor engaged to them. These random subsets of the possible response set make it hard to draw any conclusion from the data.
Yup. "Dating" is like a 30k-150k category in an income poll.
+1
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I put single because I expect my divorce to be final within the next week or two. My soon to be ex is much more frugal (to the point of being cheap) than I am. My goal is to still enjoy things I like doing, but to reduce truly wasteful spending and hopefully be secure in the future.
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Not to come in and poll nitpick, but I'm gonna come in and poll nitpick. It's the finest MMM Forum tradition after all.
What's the point of creating a demographic poll with some arbitrary limitation of the widely-understood set of the possible responses? I am neither "just dating" someone nor engaged to them. These random subsets of the possible response set make it hard to draw any conclusion from the data.
Yup. "Dating" is like a 30k-150k category in an income poll.
]
What do you guys suggest to improve it? Not trying to be confrontational but my imagination is not coming up with anything useful.
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"in a relationship" might be a good start. Or "in a committed relationship" or "in a long term relationship".
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Happily married for 10 years... so much easier to build wealth IMO.
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Previously married for 17 years (together for 20) now divorced several years. Currently not dating as I recently ended a fairly long term relationship with a guy who was not on the same page as me in regards to ER, travel, living situation. I'm already retired and he plans to work another 20 plus years until he's 65 or so. I want to travel longer term NOW, he wants to never travel other than a 2 week vacation once each year. He wants to continue living in SoCal and I don't. But otherwise we were very compatible. He was very non-spendy and just wanted to surf and play beach volleyball like me all day :-)!
As far as is it easier to attain FI/RE with a spouse? ....well that depends on the spouse. Ex-DH and I were both on the exact same page financially - both no debt, live far below our means, live small and save big kinds of people and we were able to get pretty far ahead on fairly low pay. So it would be much easier with a spouse like than then a spendthrift spouse - one who was into a more upscale, spendy lifestyle - or if you have kids. While as a single person you also have options to save money, such as how and where you live (roomies in cheap shared digs for instance), but I think it can be harder to save overall as a single rather than as a couple who both work and split costs. For example hubby and I could live in a small one bedroom place and split expenses whereas with a roommate we'd need a two bedroom place at a greater expense. Same with food costs and investment options. More money to pool as a couple for greater investment growth.
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Sorry Marty bad luck: I live closer but am old enough to be your mother.
lol. That could still work :P
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Domestic partnership for ~19 years, which is what, 4-5 times as long as the average marriage lasts?
We never felt the need to get married, and we both have separate finances. But we share costs and never argue about money, because we are both FI singly and as a couple.
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Domestic partnership for ~19 years, which is what, 4-5 times as long as the average marriage lasts?
We never felt the need to get married, and we both have separate finances. But we share costs and never argue about money, because we are both FI singly and as a couple.
Nice try, anti-marriage propagandist.
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Sorry Marty bad luck: I live closer but am old enough to be your mother.
lol. That could still work :P
I'm speechless.
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Domestic partnership for ~19 years, which is what, 4-5 times as long as the average marriage lasts?
We never felt the need to get married, and we both have separate finances. But we share costs and never argue about money, because we are both FI singly and as a couple.
Nice try, anti-marriage propagandist.
Haha- utilizing the economies of scale of having a two person household while escaping the bonds of marriage rocks
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Single and will probably stay that way- dating prospects here are terrible.
It's easier to save with dual incomes, of course, as long as your significant other is somewhat frugal, or open to learning how to be. I've dated a few irredeemable spendthrifts in my time, and could only imagine how bad my financial situation would be now if I had actually married one of them.
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Married for almost 2 years, been together almost 4. Joint everything since 6 months before we got married, she's an accountant and handles virtually all the finances. I do the maintenance, she does the books. Works incredibly well.
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Single and, like sunnyca, will probably stay that way. I feel too old to bother and I'm an androgynous bookish granola type. Most guys my age are looking for much younger women and well, there's always dating women, which I have done, but meeting someone is not easy.
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Single and, like sunnyca, will probably stay that way. I feel too old to bother and I'm an androgynous bookish granola type. Most guys my age are looking for much younger women and well, there's always dating women, which I have done, but meeting someone is not easy.
Well you can join me in dating younger men! Only problem is they all want to continue working for the next thousand years to build up the 'stache rather than ER and spend their days playing - and I'm there already.
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Single and, like sunnyca, will probably stay that way. I feel too old to bother and I'm an androgynous bookish granola type. Most guys my age are looking for much younger women and well, there's always dating women, which I have done, but meeting someone is not easy.
Well you can join me in dating younger men! Only problem is they all want to continue working for the next thousand years to build up the 'stache rather than ER and spend their days playing - and I'm there already.
I've always dated guys 5-10 years older, because I haven't been that interesting to men my own age. I'm the quiet bookish type that hikes and camps, and most guys here want someone more outgoing and polished.
Maybe once I achieve FIRE and leave Southern CA, things will change.
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How attached are you to that CA sunshine? Because guys here in Portland love your type. I lived in L.A. for 15 years, so I know what you mean about the dating scene there. You belong up here. :)
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There's a pretty good number of us here in between, in norcal, too
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Single and, like sunnyca, will probably stay that way. I feel too old to bother and I'm an androgynous bookish granola type. Most guys my age are looking for much younger women and well, there's always dating women, which I have done, but meeting someone is not easy.
Well you can join me in dating younger men! Only problem is they all want to continue working for the next thousand years to build up the 'stache rather than ER and spend their days playing - and I'm there already.
I've always dated guys 5-10 years older, because I haven't been that interesting to men my own age. I'm the quiet bookish type that hikes and camps, and most guys here want someone more outgoing and polished.
Maybe once I achieve FIRE and leave Southern CA, things will change.
I'm in The O.C. too (HB) so know what you're talking about. But my experience has been the opposite with dating younger men vs. men my age or older. But then I'm older then you and had already retired when I was 42 so have probably had different dating experiences. My experience since retiring has been that most guys my age or older are very into their image and accumulating wealth to support that image. And they are willing to work long hours and until late in life to have that lifestyle. Wanting the McMercedes, the McMansion on the beach, fine dining, expensive stuff, the expensive toys, entertainment, trips, and hobbies (golf at the private club), and all that material stuff and the eye-candy woman to go along with all that. But I have found that many guys younger then me by 5 to 10 years are more into a simpler life. They want to hike and bike and camp and surf and play beach volleyball all day long. They could care less about status things and seem to be drawn to more down to earth women - those who are outdoorsy, into sports and recreational minded, etc... So that's the reason I like younger guy. Well...One of the reason's I like younger guys :-)!
However, I too am tired of the SoCal - especially the OC - materialism most people here seem to want so will be moving somewhere else soon. I had live in Big Bear Lake when I first quit work and it was much more down to earth but it's still a little too "SoCal" for me. Personally not looking for a partner myself (love love love being single and unattached) but would be nice to be in a place with less materialistic people overall.
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Single and will probably stay that way- dating prospects here are terrible.
I hear you, sunnyca. I'm also an Orange County resident (Irvine). That said, I haven't dated in another area in a while at this point. It might be terrible everywhere! :)
Mike
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How attached are you to that CA sunshine? Because guys here in Portland love your type. I lived in L.A. for 15 years, so I know what you mean about the dating scene there. You belong up here. :)
Not addicted to the CA sunshine so much, but I am kind of attached to my job and its benefits. I've been looking at local government jobs in other states, though (CO, MT, and OR) so I may end up in your neck of the woods! :)
Single and will probably stay that way- dating prospects here are terrible.
I hear you, sunnyca. I'm also an Orange County resident (Irvine). That said, I haven't dated in another area in a while at this point. It might be terrible everywhere! :)
Mike
As a male, I'm surprised that you're having a hard time dating! The male:female ratio in CA is at least 2:1 :)
Single and, like sunnyca, will probably stay that way. I feel too old to bother and I'm an androgynous bookish granola type. Most guys my age are looking for much younger women and well, there's always dating women, which I have done, but meeting someone is not easy.
Well you can join me in dating younger men! Only problem is they all want to continue working for the next thousand years to build up the 'stache rather than ER and spend their days playing - and I'm there already.
I've always dated guys 5-10 years older, because I haven't been that interesting to men my own age. I'm the quiet bookish type that hikes and camps, and most guys here want someone more outgoing and polished.
Maybe once I achieve FIRE and leave Southern CA, things will change.
I'm in The O.C. too (HB) so know what you're talking about. But my experience has been the opposite with dating younger men vs. men my age or older. But then I'm older then you and had already retired when I was 42 so have probably had different dating experiences. My experience since retiring has been that most guys my age or older are very into their image and accumulating wealth to support that image. And they are willing to work long hours and until late in life to have that lifestyle. Wanting the McMercedes, the McMansion on the beach, fine dining, expensive stuff, the expensive toys, entertainment, trips, and hobbies (golf at the private club), and all that material stuff and the eye-candy woman to go along with all that. But I have found that many guys younger then me by 5 to 10 years are more into a simpler life. They want to hike and bike and camp and surf and play beach volleyball all day long. They could care less about status things and seem to be drawn to more down to earth women - those who are outdoorsy, into sports and recreational minded, etc... So that's the reason I like younger guy. Well...One of the reason's I like younger guys :-)!
However, I too am tired of the SoCal - especially the OC - materialism most people here seem to want so will be moving somewhere else soon. I had live in Big Bear Lake when I first quit work and it was much more down to earth but it's still a little too "SoCal" for me. Personally not looking for a partner myself (love love love being single and unattached) but would be nice to be in a place with less materialistic people overall.
I'm pretty much ok with being single now, unless someone great came along. So maybe by the time I start dating again, younger men will be more interested in my type! :)
Good luck with the move! Where are you thinking of moving to?
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I'm pretty much ok with being single now, unless someone great came along. So maybe by the time I start dating again, younger men will be more interested in my type! :)
Good luck with the move! Where are you thinking of moving to?
You should try Meet Up groups or something like the Sierra club local chapters. I met the last guy I dated (10 years younger) at a climbing meet up group and the guy before that (also about 10 years younger) playing beach volleyball. Both loved more natural, down to earth low maintenance women (and I'm about as low maintenance as they come!).
I'm not moving anywhere actually. As soon as my house sells (and maybe before) and I get rid of my minimal belongings I am going travelling for a couple of years (maybe more). VERY budget travel (biking with my dog, road trip camping, grungy hostel-staying backpacker, etc...). Will give me a chance to check out different areas and decide where I want to settle permanently someday. I've lived in a lot of places (was in the Coast Guard for years and moved constantly) and Maine is my favorite place so might end up there or the Pac NW. Snow or rain? But who knows.... But the men in those places are definitely more mustachian then in OC. That's for sure!
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I'm not moving anywhere actually. As soon as my house sells (and maybe before) and I get rid of my minimal belongings I am going travelling for a couple of years (maybe more). VERY budget travel (biking with my dog, road trip camping, grungy hostel-staying backpacker, etc...). Will give me a chance to check out different areas and decide where I want to settle permanently someday. I've lived in a lot of places (was in the Coast Guard for years and moved constantly) and Maine is my favorite place so might end up there or the Pac NW. Snow or rain? But who knows.... But the men in those places are definitely more mustachian then in OC. That's for sure!
That sounds great! I'm jealous :)
How attached are you to that CA sunshine? Because guys here in Portland love your type. I lived in L.A. for 15 years, so I know what you mean about the dating scene there. You belong up here. :)
Not addicted to the CA sunshine so much, but I am kind of attached to my job and its benefits. I've been looking at local government jobs in other states, though (CO, MT, and OR) so I may end up in your neck of the woods! :)
Single and will probably stay that way- dating prospects here are terrible.
I hear you, sunnyca. I'm also an Orange County resident (Irvine). That said, I haven't dated in another area in a while at this point. It might be terrible everywhere! :)
Mike
As a male, I'm surprised that you're having a hard time dating! The male:female ratio in CA is at least 2:1 :)
Oops! Just noticed my typo. I meant the female:male ratio is 2:1 (or at least it seems like it). I should stop typing on my phone.
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As a male, I'm surprised that you're having a hard time dating! The male:female ratio in CA is at least 2:1 :)
Not too hard to find dates, just hard to find the right person. Surprisingly, adding the requirement that the right person be solvent narrows the pool quite a bit.
Mike
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Surprisingly, adding the requirement that the right person be solvent narrows the pool quite a bit.
Mike
Hmm... now that I think about it, you've got a point there.
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i think Mike and Sunny need to meet up. :)
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i think Mike and Sunny need to meet up. :)
We already have an event set up just for that purpose! (not really!) XD
Orange County Meetup (http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/meetups-and-social-events/orange-county-meetup/)
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You guys....
Mike
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Sorry. :D
Looks like you Orange County people are getting together soon. That's awesome. We've been meeting up in the Portland area, a few times since December, with more planned in the future. It's been really fun getting to know like-minded people. We've only done potlucks at each others homes so far, but I think I will steal your hiking idea and suggest it to the group. There are certainly plenty of lovely places for hiking around here! So far, we've just been stuck on food. ;)
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Freckles: a potluck sounds fun too!
I'll admit that my hiking suggestion was at least partly due to the fact that I'm looking for more people to hike with. Most of the meetups involving hiking and other outdoorsy things aren't really dog friendly, and my dog friends don't like to hike. Go figure :(
I'm definately looking for to meeting like-minded people-they're hard to find in Orange County!
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Freckles: a potluck sounds fun too!
I'll admit that my hiking suggestion was at least partly due to the fact that I'm looking for more people to hike with. Most of the meetups involving hiking and other outdoorsy things aren't really dog friendly, and my dog friends don't like to hike. Go figure :(
I'm definately looking for to meeting like-minded people-they're hard to find in Orange County!
Have you tried any of the OC hiking meet up groups? Tons of hikes, tons of people to meet! http://www.meetup.com/OC-HIKING-com/ http://www.meetup.com/HikingOC/ http://www.meetup.com/Adventurers-Unlimited/ http://www.meetup.com/Lazy-Ass-Hiking/ http://www.meetup.com/Orange-County-Sierra-Singles-20s-30s-40s/ http://www.meetup.com/desperatepawsofocdogclub/
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Freckles: a potluck sounds fun too!
I'll admit that my hiking suggestion was at least partly due to the fact that I'm looking for more people to hike with. Most of the meetups involving hiking and other outdoorsy things aren't really dog friendly, and my dog friends don't like to hike. Go figure :(
I'm definately looking for to meeting like-minded people-they're hard to find in Orange County!
Have you tried any of the OC hiking meet up groups? Tons of hikes, tons of people to meet! http://www.meetup.com/OC-HIKING-com/ http://www.meetup.com/HikingOC/
I've looked into the OC hiking meetups (including Sierra Club) but most of the hikes are in state parks or places that don't allow dogs. And I feel a bit guilty hiking and camping without the dog. A little irrational, but true.
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Domestic partnership/shack up/whatever you call it for ~18 years (which is what, 4-5 times as long as the average marriage in the USA?). "Dating" for 20 years.
We don't need a piece of paper or some priest mumbling vows to keep us together.
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Snide and wrong (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_the_United_States)! Impressive.
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Married. I think it's been 13 years now. All joint all the way. Two oxen yoked to the same cart. ;)
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Snide and wrong (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_the_United_States)! Impressive.
Who are you even talking to?
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Snide and wrong (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_the_United_States)! Impressive.
Who are you even talking to?
~18 years (which is what, 4-5 times as long as the average marriage in the USA?)
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OP: Cohabitating. Been together a total of 10 years.
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Divorced, 3 kids, no support. I save 33% of my income (not as mustaschian as most of you, but better than the stereotypical single mom). He was horrible with money, so I was used to making do with what was left over and I continued those habits once I was in control of all the finances.
Nice! considering the circumstances, I'd say that is very mustachian to be able to save 33%.
BTW, lots of OC ppl here. I am 41, 2 teens. Live in OC. Not dating. Who has the time. Haha.
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Happily single and enjoying the San Francisco Bay Area.
Cheers! :)
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Basically, for us it's teamwork. And we sink or swim together. For those who have been through messy divorces that perhaps seems hopelessly naive, but both our parents were still together (until my mother died), so we know at least two ways it can be done. :) We're both good mates who can joke and laugh together, which seems like a good sign, anyway.
Mrs. KBB and I have both been through divorces (hers messy, mine fairly cordial) and we also "sink or swim together". I very much do not see that sentiment as naïve. We also are good mates who joke and laugh together...that is a very good sign. Together 13 years now, going strong, basically FI at this point but waiting for our youngest to finish high school before ditching Corporate America. Best of luck to you!
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Married as of January, with mostly separate finances slowly growing more integrated. Wouldn't be surprised to see us end up with mostly integrated finances given a bit of time, especially if we have a child (we don't have one now). We were 37 (me) and 35 (her) when we married, so we had a lot of time to get used to managing our own finances.
Based on my experience so far, it's much easier to reduce costs and accumulate wealth as a couple for any given level of consumption. The flip side is that the person with the most frugal preferences (if there is a difference) is generally going to face a certain amount of lifestyle inflation. In my case, that means living in a more expensive city. I don't dislike living here, but I could be happy in a smaller town if my wife could be too.
And then there's the question of children....
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Married, just over a year.
We're perfectly matched mustachians and working towards FI in five years or so. Zero arguments about money in our household, and although we maintain separate finances except for one joint account, we continually check in with each other. He's self-employed so we can take advantage of numerous business related write-offs, but I have a conventional job with great health and dental benefits (but no pension).
I've always been super frugal, but as his first marriage broke down he was mired in spendiness and came out of the divorce with net zero. In the four years since his divorce he's back up to just over half of my current retirement savings and will probably equal mine in another 18 months or so. It's been interesting to see whether the slow and steady tortoise or the speedy but late starting hare will win the race. Either way, we both win.
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Just started dating a super awesome mustachian who's into hiking and biking and other outdoorsy stuff like I am! She's a keeper.
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Siiiiiingle
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LTR with intentions of marriage in the not too distant future.
We currently have separate finances - I moved into his house, everything is already in his name, so I just pay him rent for my portion of the bills, and I buy most of the groceries. At some point we're going to get a joint checking account for the bills, but he's cautious about change and I don't feel the need to push it. Probably by the time we're married.
I still expect we'll keep non-household related bills separate, because we both value autonomy. I also like to track obsessively and he does everything via cash, which would make me insane for joint accounting.
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Married for six years and both Mustachian all the way. Our frugality has evolved and intensified over the years and we're on track to FIRE in 2017 at age 33. I feel fortunate that we communicate openly about our finances and are on the same page about how we save and spend. All accounts are joint; all household tasks are shared; all goals are aligned. The stuff we disagree over is mostly encapsulated in petty skirmishes that end pretty quickly. This is probably because my husband is the most patient, loving man on earth. I think I'm probably a handful sometimes :)
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Married 25 years.
We had great examples in both sets of parents, who saved and saved and saved and didn't spend money on stupid shit.
Everything's combined - we're two sides of an arch leaning together. :)
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The current status of my relationship (with wife) = AWESOME
I mean, she encouraged me to quit my job while she happily continues to work until she has had enough herself. Quite frequently I find myself thinking that I have won the marriage lottery. What a woman.
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Dating. 18 months but not super serious at this point. Moving in together isn't an option because I'm relatively Mormon. And that's just not a thing that happens. But we're both into hiking/fishing/camping/biking/gardening/canning/not spending too much unnecessary money. So that's nice. I'm more into the saving thing and have a full time benefited job. He's more into earning just the little bit he needs to get by as a freelancer and enjoying the rest of his time.
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Serious relationship of 2+ years. Accelerated due to meeting while working at a place where we already lived together :)
It's hard to go to not living together if you've already done so in staff housing!
We are getting to more shared accounts (savings so far). Right now he's in school (3 more weeks!) and I've been working and paying for our needs. But he worked before that, and saved up enough money for our travel fund (to get to interviews and tests for his new jobs in 3 weeks) and to give himself an "allowance" of a little over 100/month for things like equipment for school (gloves, eye wear) and occasionally taking me out to eat when my kitchen creativity is tapped out or he feels like dining out but doesn't want to hear me talk budget.
When he starts working we will be living off his income (which will be about 3x what I make) while I either go back to school or figure out some side incomes I can make from the road. That's option A. Option B is a job in one location, and I'll probably still go to school (either traditional online or something like treehouse/coursera) and work only part-time.
We've already made one cross-country move together. We talk marriage, but I think we want our own property first (bonus: home-wedding!)
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Married for 5+ years with a two-year-old. Hubby bought the old furniture I was selling on craigslist so I guess we had a frugal start. :) I was less frugal than he was and we made compromises over time. Now I'm saving more than I used to and he a little less. Because of our own situation, I think it really depends if being in a relationship helps wealth accumulation or not.
We share everything and keep track of all our accounts together.
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Well I tried not to be single...I asked out this really nice girl at work on Friday. She said no. I suppose in hindsight the whole thing was pretty awkward.
Crushed :( Whats a guy to do?
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Well I tried not to be single...I asked out this really nice girl at work on Friday. She said no. I suppose in hindsight the whole thing was pretty awkward.
Crushed :( Whats a guy to do?
Happily married, but have experience from my single days (married at 28 years old). I'd avoid dating people from work - the awkwardness of that situation above is something you want to avoid. Date people that you either just met (by chance) or never met in person (online) - the anonymity reduces the stress heavily.
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Single. It occurred to me recently that if I could find someone with similar spending habits and net worth we could retire immediately and go on a permanent honeymoon.
Also single
Permanent honeymoons sound like paradise. :)
I WANT THIS. I'm in the same position. I'm more than 1/2 way to FIRE. I just need to find someone who also wants to flee to somewhere in Central or South America to spend the rest of their life surfing and volunteering and who has a similar size stache.
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Single FI
Ladies???
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Married. We were both spendthrifts when we first got together. I've become quite frugal, and he has not. We're complete opposites, and I sometimes wonder if that will result in the end of our relationship - it's that bad.
On the bright side, we're both in a better financial place with just one frugal person in the relationship, as opposed to zero. But nowhere near where we could be, and FIRE won't happen when I'd like it to, if ever.