Author Topic: Wedding cutting costs  (Read 11389 times)

BORN SAVER

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Wedding cutting costs
« on: August 13, 2016, 07:17:28 AM »
Hey guys I just got engaged this week and we're starting to plan stuff I wanted to hear ways of cutting costs.
Budget is 10k max ( 2k would be amazing)
Location: preferably beach
We're just starting to look into it so we have done to much reasearch yet. But she found a dress for like 150 dollars.

You guys have any ideas to help cut costs?

SachaFiscal

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2016, 07:57:44 AM »
Elope!

That is what we just did. It was awesome. Low stress, low cost, and no drama.  Don't tell anyone before.  just do it then tell everyone after. They'll be happy for you. Then if they really feel bad throw a modest party at your house to celebrate or tell them you'll celebrate with them by taking them out to dinner.

Another option is to have a destination wedding in a place that is hard to get to and not that desirable to go to (or maybe not well known). Like a place that doesn't have direct flights and requires flight to a city  then driving a long distance to get to the final destination. Then just send an email to folks announcing he date and location and tell them if they would like to come reply and you will send an invitation. Tell the people you really want to come early on so they can plan but give everyone else not that much notice. This will reduce your guest list significantly and also saves on invitations. (I did this my first marriage and there were less than 20 people who came but no one felt left out because they weren't invited).

For invitations now there are evite type invitations that are cheap or free. Or you can print them yourself. My friend used our company copy center and was able to get an extreme discount on her invitations.

I think the longer you take to plan the more you will end up spending. Keep things short and simple and casual. If your doing a beach wedding, make it casual (aloha) attire and have it in the morning then have a lunchtime bbq at a park afterward. Then for those that want to go dancing go into town and dance the night away at a local bar or club. Or just go back and party at the hotel.

It's not about the tablecloths and centerpieces. It's about you both making a special commitment to become a team for hopefully the rest of your lives. Just remember that and you will be fine.

Congratulations and good luck!

marble_faun

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2016, 08:01:38 AM »
Congratulations!

And yay for the $150 dress!

Here are a few ideas:

-- Consider your priorities.  Are you really into live music, but you don't care that much about flowers?  Budget accordingly and cut out things that don't seem particularly important to you.  (At my wedding, for instance, we made heaps of flowers out of tissue paper rather than buying arrangements from a florist.  I had a real flower bouquet that smelled amazing, but otherwise everything was paper.  Saved a few thousand!)

-- Consider having a casual wedding.  In my experience a lot of money goes into choreographing an "elegant" (expensive-seeming) event when it might be more fun to just loosen it up and have (say) a BBQ with great beer instead of a formal three-course dinner with tons of servers and silverware.  (We served casual food on paper plates in a scenic outdoor setting. People seemed to enjoy a break from the usual fussiness of weddings!) 

-- Call on skilled friends & family to help.  My mother-in-law made AMAZING huge cakes for dessert.  We had a few other friends chip in with making flowers, signs, other desserts, etc. Another friend helped run the PA system (sound).  In a couple cases we told them that we'd consider the thing they were contributing as their wedding gift to us.

-- Try to avoid all the extraneous consumer objects that always seem to pile on. The monogrammed cake knife, the custom card box off Etsy, the party favor trinkets that guests are probably just going to throw away, etc.  If you really want it, see if you can figure out a way to make it yourself.

-- If you want to veer more toward the 2K level, there are even more thrifty options.  Like having a day-time wedding where you serve cake and punch afterward rather than doing a big evening reception.  (That was the old-fashioned, common way for many people, back before weddings got so hyped! Google "cake and punch reception" for ideas.)  Or you could invite only a small circle of very close friends and family -- after the ceremony you can all go out to your preferred restaurant for a meal together, avoiding the need for heavy catering costs.
« Last Edit: August 13, 2016, 08:10:11 AM by marble_faun »

Mtngrl

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #3 on: August 13, 2016, 08:32:07 AM »
Congratulations on your engagement. Great score on the dress.
You've already gotten some great advice -- I second the recommendations to go casual. Your guests will probably enjoy it more. And a beach wedding is the perfect excuse to do a casual party.
Venues can be expensive, so if you can find a free place (a public beach?) I say go with that.
Also -- the smaller the guest list, the less expensive things will be.
Have the ceremony, then move elsewhere for a barbecue reception. (Maybe you can rent a pavilion at a public park near or on the beach.)
We did a morning wedding with a cake and punch reception -- inexpensive, less stress. Guests seemed to like that it left the rest of the day free.
Flowers are amazingly expensive, so opt for simple -- love the idea of doing paper.
Photography is also pricey -- of course you want photographs of your wedding. If you have a friend who would donate the photos as their gift to you that is nice. I have also been to weddings where the couple gave everyone inexpensive disposable cameras and collected them afterwards to develop. If you go the pro route, interview more than one photographer and get bids/look at their work.
It's easy to get caught up in all the wedding planning hoopla but the ceremony is over in a blink and I hardly remember any of it. The marriage is what's really important, not the big party and months of planning beforehand. Do yourselves a favor and keep things simple. Hone in on what is really important to the two of you and not what everyone else expects or says you 'should' have.

marble_faun

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #4 on: August 13, 2016, 08:58:06 AM »
Ooooh yes.  For photography, you might be able to find someone who is just starting out, doesn't have a huge portfolio yet, and will give you a discount.  Wedding photographers will often throw in an "engagement" photo session -- this is a chance to make sure they are good and reliable in advance of the wedding itself. 

Also... I can't find it now, but some time ago I came across a web site featuring the work of a wedding photographer from a working-class neighborhood in London in the 1950s, I believe.  The receptions were held in peoples' living rooms, with cake.  The brides and grooms were dressed in nice but relatively ordinary clothing by today's standards.  There was something so simple and sweet about these images. The couples looked just as happy as anyone at the most lavish feast!  Wish I could post a link for thrifty wedding inspiration. :-)

steviesterno

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2016, 09:58:32 AM »
when we got married last year, we did 2 parties. Once small local one for good friends and family. I hosted the rehearsal at home by making everything in the smoker. Got a buddy to preside it, found a budding photographer so got a good deal there (worth it over an amateur), and spent money on food and drinks. We got the flowers and cake from a local supermarket.


then for the big party, we rented a cheap space back home, did all the set up and most of the prep ourselves, hired a bartender and provided booze for them. we had a company do a pig roast, we bought chair covers and then resold them, and we used all disposable dishware so no clean up. Had some friends help prep food the days before, I set the tables up, and then we ended up coming back the next day to clean up. All in all we were into the whole day for like $10-12 a person, including food, drinks, DJ. not too shabby!

projekt

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2016, 10:18:55 AM »
Call a wedding planner and tell them you have a $2,000 budget. Then get upset when they laugh in your face and call you names. Then elope and explain to everyone how you just can't support the wedding planner industry.

KickingRocks

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2016, 11:15:19 AM »
Seriously Go to Vegas.  When my wife and I got married my FIL told us he'd pay for a nice wedding in Las Vegas and give us $20,000 cash.  My wife always wanted a fairy tale wedding and didn't want to go for it even though I'd take the Vegas deal in a heart beat.  Long story short after her fairy tale wedding even she admitted we should have gone to Vegas and taken the cash.  The wedding industry is like an organized crime family.  They will shake you down at every corner.  You spend so much money for one day and you don't even get to enjoy it.  It goes by so fast it's just a blur.  Not to mention all the undue stress and drama from everyone that will try to make your day about them.

MsPeacock

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2016, 01:04:48 PM »
Don't buy or look at Bride type magazines. They completely skew what is "normal". The idea of a wedding has become so inflated over the past 50 years or whatever. My grandmother was married at church, had a cake and punch reception in the fellowship room, and went to a hotel. A few weeks later they traveled to the Netherlands to meet my grandfathers family and have a dinner with everyone.

There was a prior thread on the topic that had really good suggestions. Mine, very generally, is to regard this as a party with friends and not a wedding. If you wanted to throw a kick ass party you wouldn't hire a band, give away party favors,  or buy center pieces for the table. You'd load up iTunes, order some barbecue or something delicious and cheap, and get lots of alcohol (assuming you drink). There are really only  a few expenses that are maybe WOrth coughing up for - some nice professional photos (ones done by friends Do not turn out well), marriage license, and officiant.

Spork

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2016, 01:11:27 PM »
Seriously Go to Vegas.  When my wife and I got married my FIL told us he'd pay for a nice wedding in Las Vegas and give us $20,000 cash.  My wife always wanted a fairy tale wedding and didn't want to go for it even though I'd take the Vegas deal in a heart beat.  Long story short after her fairy tale wedding even she admitted we should have gone to Vegas and taken the cash.  The wedding industry is like an organized crime family.  They will shake you down at every corner.  You spend so much money for one day and you don't even get to enjoy it.  It goes by so fast it's just a blur.  Not to mention all the undue stress and drama from everyone that will try to make your day about them.

We went to Vegas.  I don't know if you call it "eloping"... All our friends/family knew about it, but we did not invite them.  It was just a nice vacation/honeymoon/wedding trip.  I vaguely think the wedding "package" at one of the big casinos was about $300, which included photography.  You will want to adjust that for inflation.  Those prices are from 1995.

MrsPete

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2016, 02:27:05 PM »
Then elope and explain to everyone how you just can't support the wedding planner industry.
The wedding industry is like an organized crime family.

You know, people say this, but my oldest (and all her friends) are out of college now and many -- including my daughter -- are planning weddings, and I haven't found it to be true.  If I had to guess, I'd say 10K is the max people in my social group are spending.  In buying my daughter's dress and making our other plans, we've only run into one organization that was rude and pushy, and that was David's Bridal, which is supposed to be the Walmart of wedding dresses.  (Incidentally, we ended up buying from a high-end boutique -- the dress was just over $200.  The bridesmaids' dresses were $50, and I bought my mother-of-the-bride dress from a clearance rack for less than that.) 

What does seem to be different today is that a meal is expected, whereas when I was married a punch-and-cake reception was the norm.  However, those meals aren't necessarily expensive -- BBQ is common and food trucks are trendy.  I know of a couple brides who've simply invited their family and close friends for a restaurant meal -- that's super-easy and not tremendously expensive when you're talking about a wedding.

I suspect a small minority of "bridezillas" are spending heavily, and the magazines give the impression that's "average". 

seattlecyclone

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2016, 04:15:58 PM »
The biggest expenses at a wedding tend to be venue, food, and drink. Going for the beach is a good start on the venue, assuming there's a public beach where you can show up and get married for little to no charge. Food and drink get more expensive the more people you have, so resist any suggestions to invite your mom's best friend from college, your second cousin once removed, etc.

The cheap dress is a nice start. For invitations, we did save-the-date messages over email and went to Office Depot to buy a box of print-your-own invitations for something like $20. The postage of course added quite a bit of cost to that. One little tip for that is that if you make your RSVPs be postcards instead of cards that are placed in an envelope, you can buy cheaper postcard stamps for them.

sis

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2016, 06:20:10 PM »
The biggest expenses at a wedding tend to be venue, food, and drink. Going for the beach is a good start on the venue, assuming there's a public beach where you can show up and get married for little to no charge. Food and drink get more expensive the more people you have, so resist any suggestions to invite your mom's best friend from college, your second cousin once removed, etc.

The cheap dress is a nice start. For invitations, we did save-the-date messages over email and went to Office Depot to buy a box of print-your-own invitations for something like $20. The postage of course added quite a bit of cost to that. One little tip for that is that if you make your RSVPs be postcards instead of cards that are placed in an envelope, you can buy cheaper postcard stamps for them.

Even better - make your RSVPs online.  Then they'll all automatically get put into a spreadsheet for you.  You can always leave your phone number on there for older/internet fearing people to RSVP by phone.  That will save you a ton of money on postage.

Other ways to save costs -- catering through a local grocery store and then do it buffet style.  I think our food was $12 per person and had lots of choices.  We hired a teenage friend of my aunt to help with serving and cleaning up.  We did the wedding in my mom's backyard which saved a lot of money.

I think offbeat bride is a pretty good resource.  Don't get sucked into the wedding industrial complex.

We also had my uncle get ordained on the internet so that he could do the service.

We rented tables and chairs.  We also rented linens and stuff to make it nicer. We had a DJ and did karaoke.  We had people bring swim suits and swim/play volleyball in the pool.  It was a nice/fun wedding and cost about 5k (for all costs associated with the wedding other than our fancy honeymoon).  We probably could have gone cheaper, but we wanted to have an open bar (we hired a bartender, bought the alcohol ourselves).  We had 66 guests and felt that was a great size.  About 45 of the guests were immediate family.

southern granny

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2016, 08:31:10 PM »
While on vacation a few years ago there was a wedding at the beach where we were staying.  The only decoration was a lovely bridal arch where the couple stood for their vows.  There were 30 or 40 white chairs and some people standing.  The bride was in a white wedding dress and barefoot which I thought was wonderful.  The bridesmaids wore sun dresses.  After the ceremony, there were tables of finger foods and drinks.  It was beautiful and they all seemed to be having a wonderful time.  We were even invited to join the party, but we declined.  I can't imagine that it cost much.

mozar

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2016, 09:07:34 PM »
A practical wedding just did a post about this.
They also talk about small weddings: http://apracticalwedding.com/2016/08/eloping/

JLR

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2016, 09:36:27 PM »
I agree with some of the comments above.

A long planning phase will usually lead to higher costs. We planned our wedding in 12 weeks. I cringe a little when I see people spending 18mo-2 years planning their wedding. All the time! All those extras! All that stress!

Don't read wedding magazines, blogs, Pintrest,  etc. I was glad we married when we were young, before we had attended many weddings or had ingrained ideas about what a wedding 'should' be like.

My only regrets - not enough photos of our day (though we've been married 14 years. Everyone has a camera phone these days and lots of people have really good DSLR cameras, so you could ask around and end up with heaps of pics from the day without having to hire a photographer). We did end up with two videos of our wedding. For one, we set up a fixed camera to record what it did. A friend surprised us by borrowing a video camera from her Dad and doing moving footage of the day, roaming around.
                      - not doing my own make up. They really caked it on us ("It will look right in the photos". Well, it didn't). The bridesmaid and I washed it all of in the bathroom at the reception.

Our budget: $2000.

$1000 for all rings.
$1000 for everything else.

How did we get it so low?

First, we asked everyone to buy their own lunch at the reception (except for the priest, we paid for his to thank him - old family friend on my husband's side who travelled from interstate). We approached a nice tavern/pub nearby and asked if they would be happy for us to bring in our wedding guests. The only limit they imposed was that they only had space for 80 people. The tavern did up a special menu for our wedding day (they even printed it up especially), allowed us to play our own music, put up signage (chalkboards welcoming us), set up a 'bridal table', etc. All at no extra cost on top of the meals (at their regular prices). I guess they were happy to have a full house one Saturday lunch. We phrased it as something like "please don't bring presents, but please buy your own lunch" - nicely worded, of course! Still had some people who wanted to give gifts, but didn't end up with heaps of 'stuff', just a few really useful things (that we still use).

Music. My Dad was a DJ in a past life. He did up a few CDs, one for the Church of typical wedding music, one for the reception.

Cake. A friend who worked for a large supermarket chain made the cake at work as a gift. Usual cost: $40. A two tiered chocolate mud cake. The top tier was uneaten so we got to take it home. Yum!

Flowers. No floral decorations for church or venue. Only a bouquet for myself and a smaller one for my one bridesmaid, plus button holes for groom and best man. I had always dreamed of roses, but economised and had daffodils instead (they remind me of visiting my grandmother's house). Chose a small florist close to home (working class suburb). The prices were extremely reasonable. Oh, I just remembered - the florist threw in a free 'throwaway' for the bouquet toss at the reception.

Clothes. My dress was around $180. I had a seamstress at the shop small skirt added underneath for added volume. It was very low cost. We bought it at a shop that sold formal/debutant/prom dresses. Much cheaper than a bridal shop.
My husband bought a suit on sale (he would use it for job interviews, etc in the future). The best man and bridesmaid acquired their own clothes. We just asked them to pick something they liked/would use again.

No bonbonniere for the table. We did provide bottles of bubble mix as people left the church, for them to blow as we walked out. I had decorated them with some ribbon, but they were just cheap, little bottles you could buy a 24-pack of from the supermarket for about $6.

Wedding cars. My cousin drove me in our own car. I took it through the car wash on my way to the church, then he met me at a motel nearby (where friends were staying) and added a ribbon. That was a nice surprise. :)

Honeymoon. My Dad paid for a few nights accommodation two hours drive up the coast. Nothing too fancy, just a nice getaway. We actually took it two weeks after the wedding, once we were on uni/college break (my husband's final year). Because of this, we managed to meet up with some wedding guests the night of our wedding and party on a bit longer (we left the reception mid-afternoon so people could head home without feeling bad about leaving before we did). We arrived home from our reception that afternoon, opened some presents, ate some leftover cake, and were still so buzzed we decided to head out and meet up with some people.

Wedding day (night) rules. Meh!

Spork

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2016, 10:03:50 PM »
While on vacation a few years ago there was a wedding at the beach where we were staying.  The only decoration was a lovely bridal arch where the couple stood for their vows.  There were 30 or 40 white chairs and some people standing.  The bride was in a white wedding dress and barefoot which I thought was wonderful.  The bridesmaids wore sun dresses.  After the ceremony, there were tables of finger foods and drinks.  It was beautiful and they all seemed to be having a wonderful time.  We were even invited to join the party, but we declined.  I can't imagine that it cost much.

As someone that has attended one of these: It cost every person at the wedding about $2000 in hotel/airfare to get there.  The bride/groom get reasonable discount rate because it generates revenue for the hotel. 

RetiredAt63

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #17 on: August 14, 2016, 07:00:51 AM »
One thought re food - there are a lot of people who have to eat gluten-free now.  My nephew's wedding had pies instead of cake - and there was a gluten-free pie reserved for those who needed it.  We much appreciated it.  Also for any other food, please think gluten-free, diary free - these are common issues now for all age groups.  Might be worth asking as part of the invitation, for the RSVP, if there are food issues so you can plan ahead.  I am seeing this for all sorts of official get-togethers, not just weddings. After all, you don't want to see your guests either starve or get sick because of your food.

GreenSheep

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #18 on: August 14, 2016, 08:20:27 AM »
I asked this question here a little while ago. Thank you all for your ideas! After some more thought and some conversations with the people who will be involved, here's what I've come up with...

We'll have the event in my parents' backyard. They still live in the home where I grew up. Flowers will come from my mom's garden, and we'll have the wedding in May, when a lot of things will be blooming. They live across the country (US) from me, but the nostalgia will be worth the cost of the trip, and it's easier for everyone else to get there, which is more important to me.

My mom and I both enjoy cooking/baking, so we'll make some things to nibble on, but not an entire sit-down meal. It will be fun to spend some time in the kitchen together, anyway.

We're only inviting about 10-15 people, and we're not religious, so we decided it would be really weird to also invite one random person to officiate. So we've asked my brother to do it, and he has happily agreed.

We're not sending invitations. We're just asking people when we talk with them, and we're having so few guests that we're choosing a date based on when everyone will be available. I'm trusting that these people are close enough to me, and I'm important enough to them, that they will keep my wedding date in mind and won't flake. It would be different if I were inviting 200 people who may or may not be very close, but these people are our parents and siblings, my best friend of 30+ years, etc.

Music will come from an iPhone, if we even have any.

I have a bunch of Hilton points squirreled away from work travel, so we'll use those for a honeymoon. Haven't decided where yet. We travel quite a bit (that's our most non-Mustachian feature), and although we've been to plenty of more exotic destinations, we're thinking of going "mainstream" and checking out Hawaii, since neither of us has been there and it's an easy flight from where we live.

My engagement ring is going to become my wedding ring, since it's a band of small diamonds. No point in buying another ring, in my opinion. (Really, I didn't think there was any point in buying the first ring, but he wanted to, and he surprised me with it, so I'm going with it!)

We're really excited to have all of our very favorite people in life join us for an afternoon/evening of fun and relaxation without all the usual wedding-related drama. When I was in college, I worked in the banquet department at a country club in the summers. That meant at least two huge, expensive wedding receptions every weekend. Seeing all the behind-the-scenes stuff that went on with those, not to mention the 5-figure bills, turned me off to "typical" weddings forever! It's so nice to see other people planning less ostentatious, more intimate weddings here!

Dicey

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #19 on: August 14, 2016, 04:07:17 PM »
The best way to achieve "Wedding cutting costs" is to cut the whole wedding. Seriously glad we eloped, every minute of every day since we did. It's all about creating an enduring marriage, not about being the star of your universe for a single day.

And making people bring/buy their own food is beyond the pale.

MrsPete

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #20 on: August 14, 2016, 06:25:58 PM »
While on vacation a few years ago there was a wedding at the beach where we were staying.  The only decoration was a lovely bridal arch where the couple stood for their vows.  There were 30 or 40 white chairs and some people standing.  The bride was in a white wedding dress and barefoot which I thought was wonderful.  The bridesmaids wore sun dresses.  After the ceremony, there were tables of finger foods and drinks.  It was beautiful and they all seemed to be having a wonderful time.  We were even invited to join the party, but we declined.  I can't imagine that it cost much.
I've never seen an actual beach wedding, but this is the type of wedding I'm seeing these days; by type I mean the scale, size, level of formality, and cost.  This is why I said in a previous post that this big, scary wedding machine isn't really something real -- oh, it's out there for people who want to spend big money, but it seems to me that few people are buying into it.

First, we asked everyone to buy their own lunch at the reception
This isn't frugal; it's simply passing the cost on to your friends.  Tacky.


Pigeon

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #21 on: August 14, 2016, 07:31:12 PM »
With a very few exceptions, I'm seeing more elaborate weddings with many $$$$ additional unnecessary stuff tacked on.  Bachelor/bachelorette weekends of debauchery, with out of town trips involved, and post-reception parties tacked on even after many hours of an open bar reception.

I have seen one or two low key weddings in the park with a barbecue to follow, but they are not the norm where I am.

I agree that asking guests to pay for their own food is just tacky.  If you want to skip the reception, that's OK.  Serving punch and cake or sandwiches, if that's your budget is fine.

nobodyspecial

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #22 on: August 14, 2016, 09:36:03 PM »
I agree that asking guests to pay for their own food is just tacky.  If you want to skip the reception, that's OK.  Serving punch and cake or sandwiches, if that's your budget is fine.
Nicest wedding I went to was a tent in their parents back yard. Food was a pot luck where everyone brought something they had made.

(edit: That is one set of parents - it wasn't in Arkansas)
« Last Edit: August 14, 2016, 10:04:35 PM by nobodyspecial »

bacchi

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #23 on: August 14, 2016, 09:46:39 PM »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ff13zZ0h0k

These are wedding flowers and these are normal flowers.

kitkat

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #24 on: August 14, 2016, 10:45:02 PM »
A practical wedding just did a post about this.
They also talk about small weddings: http://apracticalwedding.com/2016/08/eloping/


+1 for APW. Excellent, excellent resource. Its actually in a comment section there that I first heard about MMM :)

Cassie

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #25 on: August 14, 2016, 11:27:47 PM »
In defense of the people that asked their guests to buy their own meal they did tell them not to bring a gift. It was probably cheaper for the guests to buy lunch at a local pub then to buy a regular priced wedding gift.

Telecaster

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #26 on: August 14, 2016, 11:32:38 PM »
Hey guys I just got engaged this week and we're starting to plan stuff I wanted to hear ways of cutting costs.
Budget is 10k max ( 2k would be amazing)
Location: preferably beach
We're just starting to look into it so we have done to much reasearch yet. But she found a dress for like 150 dollars.

You guys have any ideas to help cut costs?

Buy a keg of beer and a case or two of prosecco.  Then instead of a gift, ask that your guests bring a potluck dish to share.  You will have by far the best, most interesting food of any wedding anyone has ever been to and people will be talking about how great your wedding was for the rest of the year.  And you won't wind up with a bunch of stuff you have to return.


Dicey

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #27 on: August 14, 2016, 11:36:53 PM »
In defense of the people that asked their guests to buy their own meal they did tell them not to bring a gift. It was probably cheaper for the guests to buy lunch at a local pub then to buy a regular priced wedding gift.
Oh, this is even worse! No one is required to bring a gift to a wedding, much less a "regular priced" one! Gift giving is traditional but it is optional, not mandatory. Requesting food and then saying it's in lieu of an (already optional) gift is just terrible etiquette.
Don't throw a party you can't afford to pay for, period.

Cassie

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #28 on: August 14, 2016, 11:41:17 PM »
I personally would not do that but I could see their line of thinking. I have never attended a wedding without bringing a decent gift. Also what is considered decent is usually determined by the location and social circle, etc.  I have never attended a wedding without bringing a nice gift and I think it is the rare person that does.  I wonder if their friends/family were offended by their request?

cj25

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #29 on: August 15, 2016, 09:48:47 AM »
We did our wedding for about $10k.  I wanted a real wedding at my favorite hotel across from the beach.  We did it, just a slightly different version of it.  Ceremony was outside in front of their fountain & reception in a banquet room that had ocean views.   We had the ceremony at 11 am and had lunch.  That saves a lot on food.  And we just wine & champagne - not a huge open bar, which lunch probably helps with.  We only had about 55 people at our wedding.  I ordered invitations, but since I only needed like 25, it was cheaper.  We found a great photographer who was newer and didn't charge as much, but I loved her style of photos.  Now, 11 years later, shes super expensive.  We also just used a computer with music on it and my BIL ran the music and made sure certain songs came on for the cake, first dance, etc.  Everyone still danced & had a great time.  We did go with a florist, but our centerpieces were simple.  I made the place cards, menu list, ring pillow & put together the small candy bar myself.  Our favors were small boxes of Godiva heart chocolates, so it wasn't something to throw away, but eat & enjoy.  And again, only buying less than 60 saved money.  I still had kids coloring books & special treats for the kids.  I had my hair & makeup done.  My dress was from Davids bridal - even if it wasn't couture, I felt beautiful and was the best day ever. 

If I had a lot more people I wanted involved, I would probably still do an earlier wedding and just do a dessert or heavy apps. 

My sister had her wedding right on the beach, no chairs, we just stood on either side of the aisle I made by putting flowers down to make a path.  Chairs would have required a permit and whatnot.  We then just had a small reception at my grandmas house (she cooked something, but I don't remember what now) and my aunt brought a cake from Vons (they actually have good cake). I did all the flowers myself that I got discount from a farmers market.  It was nice and a lot cheaper and put together with a few days notice. 

Kell7279

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #30 on: August 15, 2016, 10:09:55 AM »
Eloping is a good choice if you're okay with it. I couldn't do it, because I wanted my family there. We did the following instead:

- Free venue (my parents' place. They own 40 beautiful acres.)
- Short guest list. This is key. Fewer people means fewer invitations, fewer centerpieces, less food, etc. It really adds up!
- My cousin officiated the wedding.
- My parents were able to fix the food because we only had ~40 people there. Other cheap options would be a dessert only reception, a potluck, or have brunch after a moring wedding.
- Spotify playlist + bluetooth speaker instead of dj
- We ordered flowers wholesale online through bloomsbythebox.com and made our own floral arrangements. You could also go to hobby lobby and get fake flowers, but I really wanted real ones.
- A friend who has a small cake business made our wedding cake for free.
- My grandma made the table decorations.
- We made a DIY photobooth setup with a $16 ipad app, a shower curtain we now use in our bathroom, and some pvc pipe.

Overall, I think the key is to just make it into a fun DIY project. It really helps if you have talented family members who can help make food, decorations, etc.

EnjoyIt

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #31 on: August 15, 2016, 10:49:04 AM »
We did a destination wedding in Mexico at one of the all inclusive resorts. Flight, hotel for 5 nights and wedding was about $3500. Only our closest friends and family showed up.  We had an awesome vacation with the people we love and got married in the process.

About a month later we threw a party at our home for the other people who could not make it.

The whole process was sooooo easy. We would not do it any other way.

Inaya

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #32 on: August 15, 2016, 11:51:34 AM »
We had a Justice of the Peace wedding (albeit in a VERY nice venue) for $10+licence fee, then had a big family picnic in the park (~$100 for the permit+required insurance--wanted tents in case of rain; permit was required for tents). We provided cake and drinks, and the rest was potluck lunch foods (pizza, Costco sandwich trays, etc.)--these are sometimes known as "cake and punch" weddings and were very popular at one time. We didn't want gifts, so we requested guests bring food in lieu of a gift. (They still sent us checks anyway afterward, but we tried!) My family is big on communal meals/picnics, so nobody batted an eyelash (his family didn't want to contribute--but they didn't even want to be there to begin with, so whatever). Something's always going to be "tacky" to somebody else.

Our "rehearsal dinner" was hot dogs/s'mores over the firepit on our balcony--that was the only pre-event we had. We got my flowers at the farmers market, and my mom arranged them. We rented tents, chairs, tables, and a bouncy castle. I made our sand ceremony vessels from cheap glass vases from Michaels. We got a guest poster and some other small things from Etsy.  Alcohol wasn't allowed in the park, so that was an expense that never happened. Not counting clothing/rings/photographer, the whole shebang was less than $2000. (We also had a reception cruise out on the lake that night, which was obviously much more expensive--but I don't count it because my dad tripled the guest list on me and financed it accordingly.)
  • Where possible (and ethical), avoid saying it's for a wedding--otherwise you pay the Wedding Tax. For instance, my rentals and cakes were for a "family picnic."
  • If you need flowers, buy them wholesale (or at a farmers market) and arrange them yourself (or find a friend who's good at flower arranging).
  • Design your own invitations, save the dates, thank you cards, and what have you (or have a friend design them for you--you can also get some inexpensive custom print-it-yourself designs from Etsy). Then print them through an online printer like VistaPrint. I used VistaPrint because they have GREAT deals. Seriously, sign up for their newsletter and keep checking Groupon/LivingSocial. I got invitations, custom stickers/labels, thank you cards, a custom address stamp, envelopes, and some other random stuff for less than $100.
  • E-mail invitations will also save you a ton of money. Ditto if you get a wedding website ("wedsite"). Quick Google search will give you lots of options for sending out e-invites, gathering e-RSVPs, getting a wedsite, etc.
  • Like others have said, try to find an up-and-coming photographer. My photos were fantastic, and now my photographer does celebrity destination weddings--I'd never be able to afford her now!
  • Also, if you don't need the photog for the whole day, no reason to pay for the whole day. We only had ours for about 4 hours. (Also let him/her eat!)
  • This isn't money-saving so much as stress saving: Designate somebody you REALLY trust to be Day Of Coordinator. You'll be busy getting married, so you'll want somebody to handle all the little details.
  • If you want to save money through DIY, be absolutely honest with yourself about your DIY skills. I ended up spending money on supplies, wasting tons of time failing at DIY, and then ending up buying the thing anyway. Some of my DIYs succeeded, but I would have spent a lot less time and money if I'd been more honest with myself.
  • Be your own DJ. Make a playlist on your phone and hook it up to a speaker.
  • Another stress saver: Designate somebody to follow up on missing RSVPs once you get close to any headcount deadlines.

Bumperpuff

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #33 on: August 15, 2016, 02:02:59 PM »
I was once told to get married on a weekday afternoon.  It helps limit guest lists, venues tend to be cheaper, and the people attending will be those who care enough to make the effort.

MrsDinero

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #34 on: August 15, 2016, 02:45:15 PM »
We recently had a small wedding.  We canceled the big 100 person wedding and instead had an immediate family only wedding.

I would say the biggest thing is to trim the guest list down to the people who really matter to you.  Avoid all the "well we SHOULD invite them because we've known them for xx years".  If you don't talk or see them on a very regular basis, then don't invite them.

When it came down to our wedding day, we were excited and relaxed.  It was not a whirlwind of activity and coordination.

We rented a beautiful spot in a botanical gardens (no decorations needed), I did not have a bouquet, we did not have any attendants, and we were surrounded by people we loved and who loved us.  Yes there were places we could have gone cheaper on (my dress was $400), but after the 20 minute ceremony we all walked around the gardens, chatted, took pictures and just had fun.  There isn't a thing about that day I would change.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #35 on: August 15, 2016, 03:18:13 PM »
In general:
1) Do without (e.g. bouquet toss requiring extra bouquet, champagne toast -just use what they are already drinking, car to take you to ceremony - use cars you have, favors people throw away, lots of attendants for which you'd likely want to get flowers/gifts/have at rehearsal dinner, etc.)
2) DIY what you or family/friends can, without increasing costs bc you are DIYing (and use coupons)
3) Negotiate
4) Prioritize and only pick 1-3 areas to "splurge" in.  If you get a professional photographer, use an ipod instead of the DJ.  Often there are three levels of cost for any item, e.g. 1) ipod, 2) DJ, 3) band.  Stay away from level 3 in your splurges (or only have 1 splurge).

More specifically:
- Set a budget that includes a 10% contingency fund.  Anything over in one category must be covered in another.  Don't forget to consider tax (and administrative fees/tip for venues).
- Cut the guest list.  Cut it again.  (This is the biggest expense usually.)
- Avoid Saturday dinner.  Instead, hold a cake & punch, brunch, lunch (in ascending order of cost) reception.  Consider whether mid-week could work without forcing your guests to take time off work to travel & attend.
- Skip alcohol.  Note according to proper etiquette this means you DON'T have an open bar, but rather no alcohol is available at all.  This will go over better at brunch/lunch/cake & punch receptions.

Finally, in the pursuit of saving costs, please don't do so at the expense of your guests.  For example, hosting a destination wedding to cut costs.  That's just passing hosting costs onto your guests.  (I see it as cheap instead of frugal.)  If you don't want a lot of people at your wedding, just don't invite a lot of people.

Telecaster

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #36 on: August 15, 2016, 05:52:42 PM »

Oh, this is even worse! No one is required to bring a gift to a wedding, much less a "regular priced" one! Gift giving is traditional but it is optional, not mandatory. Requesting food and then saying it's in lieu of an (already optional) gift is just terrible etiquette.
Don't throw a party you can't afford to pay for, period.

I'm with you there.  The person doing the inviting is the host, that's the way it works, for better or worse.    Inviting someone to a meal and then asking them to pay is just plain tacky. 

mm1970

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #37 on: August 16, 2016, 10:38:49 AM »
In general:
1) Do without (e.g. bouquet toss requiring extra bouquet, champagne toast -just use what they are already drinking, car to take you to ceremony - use cars you have, favors people throw away, lots of attendants for which you'd likely want to get flowers/gifts/have at rehearsal dinner, etc.)
2) DIY what you or family/friends can, without increasing costs bc you are DIYing (and use coupons)
3) Negotiate
4) Prioritize and only pick 1-3 areas to "splurge" in.  If you get a professional photographer, use an ipod instead of the DJ.  Often there are three levels of cost for any item, e.g. 1) ipod, 2) DJ, 3) band.  Stay away from level 3 in your splurges (or only have 1 splurge).

More specifically:
- Set a budget that includes a 10% contingency fund.  Anything over in one category must be covered in another.  Don't forget to consider tax (and administrative fees/tip for venues).
- Cut the guest list.  Cut it again.  (This is the biggest expense usually.)
- Avoid Saturday dinner.  Instead, hold a cake & punch, brunch, lunch (in ascending order of cost) reception.  Consider whether mid-week could work without forcing your guests to take time off work to travel & attend.
- Skip alcohol.  Note according to proper etiquette this means you DON'T have an open bar, but rather no alcohol is available at all.  This will go over better at brunch/lunch/cake & punch receptions.

Finally, in the pursuit of saving costs, please don't do so at the expense of your guests.  For example, hosting a destination wedding to cut costs.  That's just passing hosting costs onto your guests.  (I see it as cheap instead of frugal.)  If you don't want a lot of people at your wedding, just don't invite a lot of people.
I was going to make the exact same list!
- Do Without - people get caught in the trap of "I have to have..." everything.  Flowers for the bridesmaids AND centerpieces AND decorations.  A photog AND a videographer.  Beer AND wine AND hard liquor.  AND a fancy honeymoon AND limos for the bride and groom and the attendants.  AND little gifts for the guests.
- DIY - centerpieces, flowers, alcohol, transportation...
- Negotiate - a friend got married 4 years ago.  Her (future) hubs was getting the caterer and got the "wedding quote". She called separately and got the "party quote" (which was half).  Guess which price they got in the end?
- Cut the guest list.  Easiest way.
- Think about location.  Maybe you can do a beach location for cheap.  Beach weddings are popular here, but we live on the beach.  However, they are not free and they require you to book the site.  And rent tables and chairs.  And get a liquor license. Etc.  (The aforementioned friend had the wedding in the avocado grove of a local farm for $500 rental fee.  The farm was "thinking about getting into events".)

Aaron L

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #38 on: August 16, 2016, 11:51:38 AM »
As I'm sure you are already discovering, the prices for weddings and the associated costs are insane. It is an industry where the laws of supply and demand don't really apply. One trick to cut costs is to not have a wedding, per say. When you call different venues, order flowers, etc... tell them that you are having a special event. Then throw a great party during which you get married at some point.  You will often get charged 25-30% of the price for exactly the same thing due to the bizarro wedding economics.

That, and if it's not too late, don't buy a diamond. You can get a manufactured moissenite or similar stone that is blemish free and sparkles better than a diamond for a tiny fraction of the cost. Nobody without a trained eye and special tools (including your wife'wife's friends) will ever know the difference.

lthenderson

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #39 on: August 16, 2016, 12:07:55 PM »
We spent about $500 on our wedding. Some of my tips would be:

1. We decorated the church with wildflowers picked for free or "loaned" to us from friend's flower gardens. Also included wife's bouquet.
2. For pictures, I bought a bunch of disposable cameras on discount and passed them out to people I knew attending who took great pictures.  At the end, we asked them to put them in a sack by the door and I got them developed (back before digital). By far the biggest cost saving expense for us was this.
3. For the reception, we had a potluck meal and I bought meat to BBQ. We had three or four grills going and guests were more than willing to help out with the grilling.
4. Dress was purchased used at a goodwill type store.
5. For the cake, we had a friend make it for free.

marble_faun

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #40 on: August 16, 2016, 03:25:12 PM »
I agree with the folks saying it's best to provide your guests with food rather than asking them to pay for a restaurant dinner themselves. 

The food does not have to be expensive or fancy!  But I would definitely do the "cake & punch" thing -- or provide a table of sandwich fixins -- or take more drastic measures, like only inviting 10 guests -- before asking guests to pay for dinner.

The potluck thing I'm a little ambiguous on.  Because it's not like you've chosen the fancy restaurant of your choice and are forcing everyone to pay for it.  There's more of a homey, barn-raising vibe that I can appreciate.

EnjoyIt

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #41 on: August 16, 2016, 09:05:33 PM »
Finally, in the pursuit of saving costs, please don't do so at the expense of your guests.  For example, hosting a destination wedding to cut costs.  That's just passing hosting costs onto your guests.  (I see it as cheap instead of frugal.)  If you don't want a lot of people at your wedding, just don't invite a lot of people.

I fully disagree.  have a destination wedding and then a party at your home when you get back.  The party is for the people who could not come to the destination wedding.  Use the destination wedding as a way to get away for a 5-7 day vacation on the beech, and also to get married.  Expect it to be very very small.

What is nice about doing it this way, is that you get to invite all the people your family wants.  None of those strangers will show up just to a party at your house.  The only people at your wedding and home party will be the people who actually care about you.

Pigeon

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #42 on: August 17, 2016, 04:06:53 AM »
I fully disagree about the destination wedding. It is fine if you are willing to exclude people who care about you but are not willing to be manipulated into dropping a wad of cash and vacation time to subsidize your wedding. I love my kids and siblings very much but if they have a destination wedding, I'll send them a card and wish them well.

MrsPete

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #43 on: August 17, 2016, 05:25:08 AM »
Oh, this is even worse! No one is required to bring a gift to a wedding, much less a "regular priced" one! Gift giving is traditional but it is optional, not mandatory. Requesting food and then saying it's in lieu of an (already optional) gift is just terrible etiquette.
Don't throw a party you can't afford to pay for, period.
Yes. 
I was once told to get married on a weekday afternoon.  It helps limit guest lists, venues tend to be cheaper, and the people attending will be those who care enough to make the effort.
Something not too different that I've only seen once -- it was kind of a surprise wedding: 

A couple had decided to get married, and they wanted to involve lots of people ... but without making it a big deal.  They attended church on Sunday like always, and after everyone was already seated in the sanctuary, the pastor told everyone that if they'd like to stay after the regular worship ceremony, this couple would be getting married.  I assume their families knew already, but the larger community was surprised -- and most stayed.  The church wasn't decorated in any special way, the couple was dressed nicely but not in typical "bridal attire", and they had cake in the fellowship hall afterward.  Obviously no invitations, no gifts.   

I fully disagree about the destination wedding. It is fine if you are willing to exclude people who care about you but are not willing to be manipulated into dropping a wad of cash and vacation time to subsidize your wedding. I love my kids and siblings very much but if they have a destination wedding, I'll send them a card and wish them well.
This can be tricky.  A friend of mine "eloped" -- well, not really elopement in the traditional sense; everyone knew she was getting married, but no one was invited, not even family.  Her witnesses were strangers.  The whole issue was handled poorly on every side, and although the family's moved past it, no one has forgotten it.

Families WANT to celebrate with you as you take steps towards marriage, and excluding them is a mistake.  Other people have suggested wedding elsewhere, party nearer to home -- that sounds like a better way to avoid hurt feelings. 

mm1970

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #44 on: August 17, 2016, 11:00:24 AM »
Finally, in the pursuit of saving costs, please don't do so at the expense of your guests.  For example, hosting a destination wedding to cut costs.  That's just passing hosting costs onto your guests.  (I see it as cheap instead of frugal.)  If you don't want a lot of people at your wedding, just don't invite a lot of people.

I fully disagree.  have a destination wedding and then a party at your home when you get back.  The party is for the people who could not come to the destination wedding.  Use the destination wedding as a way to get away for a 5-7 day vacation on the beech, and also to get married.  Expect it to be very very small.

What is nice about doing it this way, is that you get to invite all the people your family wants.  None of those strangers will show up just to a party at your house.  The only people at your wedding and home party will be the people who actually care about you.

I also disagree. I think destination weddings are fine. I didn't have a destination wedding, but I totally see the appeal.  The whole point for many is to cut the guest list.  You *really* have to like someone to fly to Hawaii (or wherever).  It may not even be intended to be a "money saver".  The wedding is about the bride and groom, not the guests.  If your guests don't want to go, they don't have to go.  For those who say "I'm not willing to subsidize your wedding"...well, it's probably not about you. I'm guessing that most people I know have a destination wedding because they want one.  What you want doesn't come into it.  And they don't really care if you don't go.

I know people who eloped for destination weddings, or just eloped, or ... I have traveled to weddings (because after the Navy we all scattered) to NM, NY, CA, CO.  People traveled from Europe to my wedding (which was in the DC area, because I was living there).

My good friend got married in Hawaii.  Destination elopement.  Just her, husband, and two attendants.  Not even any family.  Seriously I have to admire her for that, because it's what she wanted.  She was a 38 year old woman - do what you want!  I totally would have gotten married in Vegas and flown out our parents and our two sisters if my husband had agreed to it.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2016, 11:03:34 AM by mm1970 »

Spork

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #45 on: August 17, 2016, 11:07:29 AM »
Finally, in the pursuit of saving costs, please don't do so at the expense of your guests.  For example, hosting a destination wedding to cut costs.  That's just passing hosting costs onto your guests.  (I see it as cheap instead of frugal.)  If you don't want a lot of people at your wedding, just don't invite a lot of people.

I fully disagree.  have a destination wedding and then a party at your home when you get back.  The party is for the people who could not come to the destination wedding.  Use the destination wedding as a way to get away for a 5-7 day vacation on the beech, and also to get married.  Expect it to be very very small.

What is nice about doing it this way, is that you get to invite all the people your family wants.  None of those strangers will show up just to a party at your house.  The only people at your wedding and home party will be the people who actually care about you.

I also disagree. I think destination weddings are fine. I didn't have a destination wedding, but I totally see the appeal.  The whole point for many is to cut the guest list.  You *really* have to like someone to fly to Hawaii (or wherever).  It may not even be intended to be a "money saver".  The wedding is about the bride and groom, not the guests.  If your guests don't want to go, they don't have to go.  For those who say "I'm not willing to subsidize your wedding"...well, it's probably not about you. I'm guessing that most people I know have a destination wedding because they want one.  What you want doesn't come into it.  And they don't really care if you don't go.

I know people who eloped for destination weddings, or just eloped, or ... I have traveled to weddings (because after the Navy we all scattered) to NM, NY, CA, CO.  People traveled from Europe to my wedding (which was in the DC area, because I was living there).

My good friend got married in Hawaii.  Destination elopement.  Just her, husband, and two attendants.  Not even any family.  Seriously I have to admire her for that, because it's what she wanted.  She was a 38 year old woman - do what you want!  I totally would have gotten married in Vegas and flown out our parents and our two sisters if my husband had agreed to it.

I've been to one and only one destination wedding.  I am pretty sure I won't go to another.  It was for a niece I am very close with and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.  That said: It was an expensive vacation that would not have been a place I would have picked.  It was an all-in-one resort that was very cattle-barn feeling.  Going meant my budget for vacation for the year was blown.  It was pre-FIRE, so I was working and my vacation time at work was blown.  Bottom line: it's a little bit of a crappy thing to do to your guests.

Captain FIRE

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #46 on: August 17, 2016, 11:23:19 AM »
I didn't have a destination wedding, but I totally see the appeal.  The whole point for many is to cut the guest list.  You *really* have to like someone to fly to Hawaii (or wherever).

Really like them - and have disposable income and the vacation days to go.

OR....You can have the courage to simply cut the guest list yourself, rather than asking those you invite to pay a lot of money to purchase expensive tickets and pay for multiple days of accommodations as a way to cut down the guest list so you don't have to cut it yourself.

There have been posts on here before of heartbroken family members (a sibling with I think 4 kids comes to mind) who simply couldn't afford to attend a destination wedding.  I've even seen some people even say that if people don't come that means they don't care about the couple.  Sure it's your choice, but I don't see why you'd put people to that difficult choice - particularly people here on this board, who are generally quite conscious of money choices and tradeoffs!  In any event, as I've seen before, this is a divisive topic, but just know it is something that can hurt a chunk of your guests.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2016, 01:06:31 PM by Captain FIRE »

Helvegen

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #47 on: August 17, 2016, 01:11:37 PM »
I don't understand the whole formal wedding thing nor would I ever spend a bunch of money on it. A wedding does not a marriage make.

I'd rather spend some money on a fun, informal reception. We did a pirate themed BBQ where we provided food and booze, but many people brought their own too, so it was...yeah... :). Everyone came in costume. One person brought an actual cannon. They buried treasure for us with a map and everything. It was awesome. This did not cost a lot of money at all and everyone had a blast (literally). I think the party ended at 4am when everyone that was left past out.

I've been to semi to formal receptions. Ugh, what a snooze fest. Mediocre food. God knows how much they spent on this experience that is about as fun as watching paint dry. Happy for the couple and that's why I am there, but everything else is a waste. I'd rather get drunk with them in a barn going four wheeling and shooting like at my sister's wedding. 

mskyle

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #48 on: August 17, 2016, 03:05:29 PM »
Another problem with destination weddings is that you're going to sacrifice having friends/family who you may be close to but who have family/work commitments or who are too poor to come (or too frugal) and you end up with randos who were, for whatever reason, willing to make the trip to your destination (it may or may not have anything to do with how close you are to them).

For a "traditional" wedding with sit-down dining with appetizers, etc., one rule of thumb I've seen on wedding websites is "The Olive Garden Rule." Basically, don't expect to pay less for the food you serve your guests than you would expect to pay at the Olive Garden. If you're planning on everyone having apps, main course, salad, dessert (or cake), and a couple of drinks, that would cost you $40-50 at the Olive Garden, so don't think that you're going to pay way less for that to have it served in some non-restaurant.

I love the idea of having people from all parts of our lives come together, and if they're going to come from all over the country I want to show them a good time, so I will probably have a pretty good-sized, somewhat spendypants wedding. But I'm definitely thinking barbecue and coleslaw rather than wrinkly chicken piccata and bland iceberg salad (why is it always chicken piccata? STILL?).

Edubb20

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Re: Wedding cutting costs
« Reply #49 on: August 17, 2016, 04:11:34 PM »
Elope!

That is what we just did. It was awesome. Low stress, low cost, and no drama.  Don't tell anyone before.  just do it then tell everyone after. They'll be happy for you. Then if they really feel bad throw a modest party at your house to celebrate or tell them you'll celebrate with them by taking them out to dinner.

Congratulations and good luck!

Seconded,

Just eloped, using credit card miles to take honeymoon... best decision we ever made.