Wedding Cost

[REatc]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

[Cranky]

A wedding costs whatever you want it to cost.

Make a list of what things are most important to you. I am sure that you could find someone to marry you on the beach, and then you could all go to a restaurant. Add on from there.

(My dd recently got married - they found a drive through officiant in Canton, Ohio, and then went to the Football Hall of Fame.)

[ixtap]

What they said ^

A good friend of mine is getting married in Hawaii this week, but using Mom's back yard.

We had a destinationish wedding in San Diego (two weeks after I moved there, so we didn't need a hotel). Our parents paid for their own flights and hotels and we got marry under a trellis. Our costs were a rental car to move all six if us around, the wedding brunch for six at the Captain's table on a harbor cruise, admission to the Maritime Museum and an ice cream cake we had at home. Some additional costs to feed everyone and gas the days before and after the wedding, including a trip for six to the zoo.

[nereo]

A wedding costs whatever you want it to cost.

Absolutely
Plenty of threads on here about how people got married for under $1k.
A 20 person wedding gives you a lot of options: if you want you can do a simple (eg town hall or married by a friend wedding) and then take everyone out for a nice dinner - depending on the restaurant that might run you $2k with moderate alcohol. You can further cut costs if you had an outdoor party at a local park with take-out food from a local establishment. Total cost could be under $1k

Or you can do an all-inclusive resort-style extravaganza and easily spent north of $20k for 20 people

Whatever works for you. In the end you will be just as married regardless of the ceremony you choose.

[Adventine]

A wedding costs whatever you want it to cost.

Absolutely

Thirded.


@Cranky 's advice is spot on. Begin with a list of the things that are most important to you, then figure out the most cost-effective way to do those things.

[Askel]

Do the 20 people who might go also want to go to Hawaii? 

I'd be kinda miffed if somebody I cared about wanted me to attend their wedding, but then held it halfway around the world.   


 

[Sibley]

Being very practical and cold hearted here. If you want to get married in Hawaii, then do it. But don't ask people to spend thousands of dollars to attend. Setup a livestream.

The reason why you do a destination wedding is because, fundamentally, you want a vacation in that location and you don't care about not having all the people at the wedding. Don't lie about that to yourself. If you want people to come, then you have a local wedding then take a trip to Hawaii afterwards. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

[uniwelder]

Do the 20 people who might go also want to go to Hawaii? 

I'd be kinda miffed if somebody I cared about wanted me to attend their wedding, but then held it halfway around the world.

I think its important to keep in mind the other people attending.  Will they be expecting you to help with their costs?  If they're important to you and they're not wealthy, think through how you prioritize where the wedding will be and whether anyone's flights/hotels will be subsidized. 

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me.....

It looks like your fiancé has determined that you at least must attend.

[Khaetra]

Being very practical and cold hearted here. If you want to get married in Hawaii, then do it. But don't ask people to spend thousands of dollars to attend. Setup a livestream.

The reason why you do a destination wedding is because, fundamentally, you want a vacation in that location and you don't care about not having all the people at the wedding. Don't lie about that to yourself. If you want people to come, then you have a local wedding then take a trip to Hawaii afterwards. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Agree 100% with this.  You'll have many say 'Cool!  Show us the pics when you get back!'.  Hawaii isn't cheap so don't be surprised if you find yourself with very few (if any) people in attendance.

[iris lily]

Being very practical and cold hearted here. If you want to get married in Hawaii, then do it. But don't ask people to spend thousands of dollars to attend. Setup a livestream.

The reason why you do a destination wedding is because, fundamentally, you want a vacation in that location and you don't care about not having all the people at the wedding. Don't lie about that to yourself. If you want people to come, then you have a local wedding then take a trip to Hawaii afterwards. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

This.

I would not spend my own money to go to a vacation place someone else chooses for me.

Some years ago one of my friends was engaged to a South Korean man and it looked  like she would have a South Korean wedding. I would’ve been excited to attend that because I want to go to Asia, and getting inside on a cultural event would have been cool. Too bad that she broke up with him and they did not get married.

[Ron Scott]

There is no rule.

Aside from my own, the most enjoyable wedding I went to was a real old fashioned firehouse affair in Pennsylvania. Great rock band played for peanuts, BBQ, silly speeches, and the 20-somethings took control. Fantastic time. Couldn’t have cost much.

My wife and I spent under $1000 in ‘86. Family only, party of 20 or so, for dinner with extended toasts, etc. at a nice place. We got married and pre-gamed at her grandfather’s place overlooking the lake.  Very personal vibe. Everybody really got to know each other and talked about it for years.

We went to an affair at The Pierre in NY a few years ago. A bit choreographed and the staff were stuffy but the guests were wonderful, the band blew our socks off, and the food was much better than average. Someone said it cost over $150k. IDK.

My personal feeling is to keep things low key, but I have had very few votes in such matters of importance.

[parkerk]

Agreed with the "it costs what you want it to cost," but if you want some more useful information to come from people here it would help to know what you plan on paying for.  Are you paying for any of your guests' travel expenses?  Or just the wedding itself?  Are you including your own travel costs in that?  I'd say 10k is expensive for just a wedding, on the high side for a wedding and your own travel and very low for a wedding and your guests' travel.

Purely as a data point my wedding 15 years ago was $5,000 for a lunch buffet and limited open bar in a rental hall for ~100 people.  I'm still proud of how reasonable we were at the time, but if I were to do it again I'd probably be able to either spend less or spend the same amount more efficiently.  I love the idea of a $500 wedding, but our priority was that everyone in our very large extended families got to attend and that no one had to pay for drinks.  Those are entirely personal preferences and we tailored our plans to them.  Other people I know couldn't imagine getting married without a big dinner/dance at a golf club or something.  What exactly you're expecting to get for your money will make a huge difference in what's reasonable. 

[REatc]

Thank you for everyone one’s responses so far. They are exactly what I’m looking for.

I say get married in Hawaii because we currently live in Alaska and everyone we want to attend lives out of state so they would have to fly in and stay either way. So why not have it somewhere more enjoyable in my opinion?.

[nereo]

Thank you for everyone one’s responses so far. They are exactly what I’m looking for.

I say get married in Hawaii because we currently live in Alaska and everyone we want to attend lives out of state so they would have to fly in and stay either way. So why not have it somewhere more enjoyable in my opinion?.

Personally I’d much rather travel to Alaska than Hawai’i for a wedding of a close friend - but I realize that’s not a universally held opinion.

[uniwelder]

Where does everyone else live? You could have your wedding near the majority of people, then honeymoon in Hawaii.

[Sibley]

Where does everyone else live? You could have your wedding near the majority of people, then honeymoon in Hawaii.

This! If you've got people scattered throughout a region, then pick a single spot that will work decently for the majority. If you want great grandma to come though, you better get married in her town because she probably can't travel.

[nessness]

Another consideration for a destination wedding is how you're going to plan it from afar. Are you comfortable picking a venue, caterer, etc. based on photos on the internet, or are you going to want to make a trip to Hawaii prior to your wedding to check things out?

[Chris Pascale]

2004: Court costs in San Antonio, TX.
2005: My parents hosted a fancy reception with 180 people for under $10k by using these money-saving tips:

 - First Sunday in January During the day
 - Back-of-the-book invitations
 - Only the complimentary stuff for the tables
 - Asking what other free stuff the venue could toss in

Oh, we also saved a nice amount when a Catholic Priest in North Carolina handling our Pre-Cana - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pre-Cana - told us about 2 minutes into the thing that he couldn't in good conscience permit us to be married at my home church (St. Rose of Lima in the Diocese of Rockville Centre - total cesspool: They had about 70 priests who paid financial settlements or went to prison). Why, you ask? Upon hearing my wife was baptized a Seventh Day Adventist he immediately produced a contract that she had to sign, promising to raise all my children as Catholics.

I guess he was asleep during the courses on Evangelical Foreplay having thrust right in like that.

Good times.

Edited to Add: Up to that point, we had been attending Mass. The Good Father really saved me from having to do that anymore.

[sonofsven]

Weddings are big business in Hawaii. I'm in the background of the "priceless memories" beach photos of at least four different wedding parties taken over Christmas near Wailea and Lahaina.
Watching the staged photos, the costume changes, the exhortions from the photographer "run toward me, look over your shoulder, get down on your knees, play in the surf..."
It was a little nauseating, but I'm the other extreme. I got married in 1998 for $200 dollars or so, my friends made food, we danced to mix tapes we made beforehand, we slept on her folk's deck; we were in love ;-)

[Dicey]

Being very practical and cold hearted here. If you want to get married in Hawaii, then do it. But don't ask people to spend thousands of dollars to attend. Setup a livestream.

The reason why you do a destination wedding is because, fundamentally, you want a vacation in that location and you don't care about not having all the people at the wedding. Don't lie about that to yourself. If you want people to come, then you have a local wedding then take a trip to Hawaii afterwards. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

This.

I would not spend my own money to go to a vacation place someone else chooses for me.

Some years ago one of my friends was engaged to a South Korean man and it looked  like she would have a South Korean wedding. I would’ve been excited to attend that because I want to go to Asia, and getting inside on a cultural event would have been cool. Too bad that she broke up with him and they did not get married.

I'm with sib and iris.

I also have a bone to pick with you, OP. Did you even bother to review any of the many threads on this topic here on the forum before you started your own? Doesn't seem like it.

It kind of seems you and your betrothed are all about you, which is understandable to a degree, but do you really need to be reminded that we're still in a pandemic and the only way to get from your Point A to Point B is to fly? Do you really want to risk the health of your beloved guests by asking them to do this for you?

[elaine amj]

My nephew had a very inexpensive wedding. He got married at an all inclusive in the Dominican. I imagine he got his room and board free since he had maybe 20-25 guests who all paid their own way. (I believe with group travel, u typically get 1 room free for every 10 booked). So he probably only had to pay for his flights.

I know some bride and grooms pay for special private meals, etc but my understanding is that they just went for whatever was included already in the resort. So doubt he had much additional costs.

We ended up having to decline because we would have to give up another planned vacation to fit this in the budget. I felt less guilty since his 2 sisters did not go - one was pregnant and the other couldn’t afford it.


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[clarkfan1979]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

When I got married in August 2012, we did it at a hotel in Denver. If you spent $10,000 on the banquet dinner, you got the ceremony for free. I think we had 96 people at $95/person which put us at 9,120. I think we added 1 additional hour of free bar (beer and wine) from 4 hours to 5 hours to get it to $105/person, which totaled 10,080. The final package included the ceremony, plated food, cake, etc.. We had to provide our own DJ and photographer. It also included a 2 night stay for bride & groom at the hotel for "free". 

Weddings get cheaper with economies of scale. It would be very expensive to do a banquet type wedding with only 20 people. For a banquet hall in Hawaii, I'm guessing the minimum spend might be 30K to 100K.

With a smaller group you can organize individual events. However, because there is no wedding planner working for the hotel, you should be prepared for things to go wrong, especially in Hawaii. I lived on Kauai from 2015-2019. I still have my house on Kauai as a long term rental and visit often. The people in the service industry are very nice, but they really don't stress out if you don't get what you want. It's part of the Aloha culture. No worries.

One of my friends got married on Maui in March 2015 and booked the patio for their "rehearsal dinner" at their favorite restaurant for about 20 family & friends. He vacationed on Maui almost every year as a kid and was very familiar. When they showed up the patio was under construction. The manager apologized and gave them a $300 voucher which basically covered 2 drinks for everyone while it took 90 minutes to get them a table for 20 people.   

If you got the money, you got the money. No judgement. It's your wedding. However, trying to do a budget wedding in Hawaii during COVID-19 seems like a logistical nightmare to me.

Any chance you could get married locally and then splurge on a Hawaii honeymoon?

[Indio]

Not sure about your timing but Hawaii has strict C19 protocols in place to reduce spread coming in from outside the state. Not sure how long these will be in effect, though the restrictions make traveling for an event safer they aren't risk free. To get on a plane, you have to show 48 hr negative PCR test or vax card in advance and complete health questionairre, which is verified at airport. Going into a restaurant or hotel requires vax card check in too. If you have any anti-vaxxers on your guest list, it will be harder to involve them in activities as every location is very strict on this.
Without knowing which island you were considering, here's info about Oahu.
If you want to keep costs under control, you could have a casual beach ceremony at Ala Moana beach at sunset. It's beautiful and not as crowded as Waikiki beaches. A great place for dinner is Nico's seafood restaurant that has outdoor dining and indoor, with large open windows. Outdoor dining is under a large gazebo and slightly more fancy than the usual casual place, but not high end. The food is delish. They have a 2 man group that performs with a small dance area.
I'm sure you could find something similar on Maui or Kuaui to host a small cost conscious event. Once you start calling it a wedding prices will go up. If you call it a "party" you wont see as much price inflation. Getting a small bouquet of flowers for the bride should be relatively inexpensive at a whole foods supermarket, as they often have roses and tropical flowers in small vases.
Hope this helps and congratulations in advance.

[sonofsven]

Not sure about your timing but Hawaii has strict C19 protocols in place to reduce spread coming in from outside the state. Not sure how long these will be in effect, though the restrictions make traveling for an event safer they aren't risk free. To get on a plane, you have to show 48 hr negative PCR test or vax card in advance and complete health questionairre, which is verified at airport. Going into a restaurant or hotel requires vax card check in too. If you have any anti-vaxxers on your guest list, it will be harder to involve them in activities as every location is very strict on this.
Without knowing which island you were considering, here's info about Oahu.
If you want to keep costs under control, you could have a casual beach ceremony at Ala Moana beach at sunset. It's beautiful and not as crowded as Waikiki beaches. A great place for dinner is Nico's seafood restaurant that has outdoor dining and indoor, with large open windows. Outdoor dining is under a large gazebo and slightly more fancy than the usual casual place, but not high end. The food is delish. They have a 2 man group that performs with a small dance area.
I'm sure you could find something similar on Maui or Kuaui to host a small cost conscious event. Once you start calling it a wedding prices will go up. If you call it a "party" you wont see as much price inflation. Getting a small bouquet of flowers for the bride should be relatively inexpensive at a whole foods supermarket, as they often have roses and tropical flowers in small vases.
Hope this helps and congratulations in advance.

Hawaii really would be a beautiful location to be married, please ignore my bitter almost old man like rant above! Something about the over the top family photos bothered me I guess.

[Mike in NH]

I'll save you a few hundred, check out the King Will ring shop on Amazon. I got my ring for $20. Most of my friends have the same style or something very similar and paid $500. 

[Villanelle]

Thank you for everyone one’s responses so far. They are exactly what I’m looking for.

I say get married in Hawaii because we currently live in Alaska and everyone we want to attend lives out of state so they would have to fly in and stay either way. So why not have it somewhere more enjoyable in my opinion?.

Well, Hawaii is a very expensive place to choose, if you have to choose a place, and one that requires everyone to buy a plane ticket and spend a fair amount of time traveling.  That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it there.  If it's what you want, then go for it.  But be mindful of  what you are then asking of your guests.  If I were doing this, I'd make it a very easy 'no'.  I'd call each person (with only 20 invitees, that's not very many calls) and explain that you are getting married in Hawaii and would love to see them, but you are also aware of the expense and time associated with travel and lodging, and aware of everyone's differing Covid comfort levels, so you want to let them know you completely understand if they choose not to come, in which case you will send them the info for the live stream.

As for what it costs, as others have said, other than the license costs, pretty much everything else is up to you.  People spend $20,000 on dresses and others wear something from their closet.  You can pay an officiant or have a friend get licensed.  Public beach, or grand hotel ballroom.  Hosted dinner with open bar, or potluck.  Once you answer a few of these questions, you can come up with an approximate budget.  But if you want to do it pretty low-key and have >20 guests, you can probably do it for a few thousand (and that would include feeding them) plus your travel and lodging.  When making any of the arrangements or booking, call it a party, not a wedding.  If they ask, consider calling it a family reunion, which might sorta, kind be a little true.  Consider a lunch instead of a dinner if you want to feed people.  (But given that everyone will be traveling, that might be a somewhat stingy approach.) Personally, I find cash bars to be rude and tacky.  If you don't want to pay for people's drinks, have a case of wine available and call it a day.  Or even just water and soft drinks, and perhaps a signature punch (alcoholic, or not), if you can find a venue that allows that.

[familyandfarming]

Take a look at this website. https://www.intimateweddings.com/ It's all about small weddings that are SUPER cool! The weddings range from only the couple and photographer to around 50 people. The people who post go into great detail about finances and venues.

[McStache]

batsignaling @nexus as he planned a small wedding in Hawaii not so long ago (though if I recall correctly, it didn't end up happening as planned due to covid)

[clarkfan1979]

For Kauai, you can legally drink alcohol on the beach and at county parks. However, the covered picnic tables are first come first serve. You would need to have someone lock one down fairly early in the day for Poipu.

Best spot would be Poipu Beach Park. However, it will be crazy crowded so it could be akward with a wedding reception. Beers and potluck would be insanely fun for that area. Ceremony would be easiest to pull off earlier in the day.

Other options would be "Salt Pond" in Hanapepe or McCarther Park in Kehaha. These spots will be less crowded with mostly locals. You will be most likely smelling marijuana and the music could be loud for Hanapepe. Kekaha is at the end of the road and least crowded.

For Kauai, lodging is cheapest in September. Late August might also be off peak.

[Retire-Canada]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

Have a simple wedding [Hawaiian themed?] wherever you live and have a nice honeymoon in Hawaii. You guys want to be in Hawaii. That's great. Don't force everyone attending the wedding to join you.

[Cool Hwhip]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

Have a simple wedding [Hawaiian themed?] wherever you live and have a nice honeymoon in Hawaii. You guys want to be in Hawaii. That's great. Don't force everyone attending the wedding to join you.

My buddy had a Hawaiian themed wedding back in the late 80s. There were live goldfish in a bowl at each table. Needless to say, my buddies swallowed them all end of the night. What a party that was.

[englishteacheralex]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

Have a simple wedding [Hawaiian themed?] wherever you live and have a nice honeymoon in Hawaii. You guys want to be in Hawaii. That's great. Don't force everyone attending the wedding to join you.

My buddy had a Hawaiian themed wedding back in the late 80s. There were live goldfish in a bowl at each table. Needless to say, my buddies swallowed them all end of the night. What a party that was.

OP already explained that he and his fiance live in Alaska, so any wedding is going to be a destination wedding, and he thought his guest list would prefer Hawaii to Alaska. I sympathize a bit, because I live in Hawaii and had my wedding here, and since none of my family lives here, quite a bit of the guest list had to therefore travel to Hawaii to attend. Weddings nowadays tend to reflect this trend--they tend to require some travel for a lot of people. The bystander judgment involved in destination weddings seems a little unfair.

[Villanelle]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

Have a simple wedding [Hawaiian themed?] wherever you live and have a nice honeymoon in Hawaii. You guys want to be in Hawaii. That's great. Don't force everyone attending the wedding to join you.

My buddy had a Hawaiian themed wedding back in the late 80s. There were live goldfish in a bowl at each table. Needless to say, my buddies swallowed them all end of the night. What a party that was.

OP already explained that he and his fiance live in Alaska, so any wedding is going to be a destination wedding, and he thought his guest list would prefer Hawaii to Alaska. I sympathize a bit, because I live in Hawaii and had my wedding here, and since none of my family lives here, quite a bit of the guest list had to therefore travel to Hawaii to attend. Weddings nowadays tend to reflect this trend--they tend to require some travel for a lot of people. The bystander judgment involved in destination weddings seems a little unfair.

I've certainly seen this go both ways.  Some people judge a couple for selecting a destination wedding, and some people judge invitees for not attending a destination wedding.  There is a fair amount of expectation on Aunt Edna and Cousin Frank to attend a family wedding.  That's why I think those who choose destination weddings are doing nothing wrong, but are well-served to make it as comfortable as possible for people to decline.  Or to just not invite anyone but closest friends and family and then, when praticable (sounds like it wouldn't be for the OP), do a modest reception back home to include more people.

Also, Hawaii is a particularly expensive place to travel to and lodge at. And it's very time consuming.  Both of those things make it different than other travel for wedding.  If the couple lives in Hawaii and are therefore marrying at home.  But when they are choosing a location, that's the one (other than foreign locations) that is probably the most difficult and expensive for guests. 

I think it all comes down to what the couple wants and their priorities.  And then accepting that they can't have it all.  If Hawaii is the priority, great.  Nothing at all wrong with that.  But then accept that many people probably aren't going to attend, and that's okay, too.

[use2betrix]

Destination weddings are great ways to weed the wedding list down from all the people that just want to attend a big free party - but wouldn’t actually go out of their way to do something to celebrate with you.

I’d first speak to the people you 100% want to be part of it, and see if they’re ok with it. If so - plan the wedding with the understanding that it might be very small.

We had a destination type wedding and had around 30-40 ppl still make it. Way better than the 100+ type event that would’ve happened elsewhere.

[elaine amj]

Destination weddings are great ways to weed the wedding list down from all the people that just want to attend a big free party - but wouldn’t actually go out of their way to do something to celebrate with you.

This one was a tough one for me when my nephew planned a destination wedding. I definitely wanted to be there. Weddings are not free parties for us to attend - I’d pay way less than my reception cash gift to party elsewhere. And I gave him what I would have given anyway when I attended their shower. So I spent the same amount of $$ regardless.

So I felt really guilty that I didn’t “care enough to go out of my way to attend” when attending cost enough that it meant giving up our planned vacation elsewhere that year. Especially since I “could afford it” and we had “plenty of time to save”.

Eventually, internet strangers talked me out of that mindset and reminded me that he planned a destination wedding because that’s where they *wanted* to get married and the location mattered more than the attendees. Therefore I should only go if that’s where I wanted to spend my vacation time and money. At the end of the day, we really didn’t want to give up our planned family vacation to our preferred spot.


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[Dicey]

OP started this thread on December 22. They commented once that day. Since then, crickets. Why are we here?

[Adventine]

OP started this thread on December 22. They commented once that day. Since then, crickets. Why are we here?

Because we like chatting with each other! :D

[YttriumNitrate]

Thinking back over the past decade or so, I've gotten on plane for well over 75% of the weddings I've attended. I much prefer destination weddings because there's a greater chance that I'll want to spend a few extra days at the location rather than hopping back on the plane the day after the wedding.

[nereo]

Thinking back over the past decade or so, I've gotten on plane for well over 75% of the weddings I've attended. I much prefer destination weddings because there's a greater chance that I'll want to spend a few extra days at the location rather than hopping back on the plane the day after the wedding.

This has been our experience as well. I cannot recall the last wedding we went to when we were able to sleep in our own bed at the end of the evening. Every one has involved several hours of travel, either by car or plane. That’s just the reality with my circle of friends.
The flip side is it’s very easy to decline attending a wedding invitation due to logistical constraints.

[Dicey]

OP started this thread on December 22. They commented once that day. Since then, crickets. Why are we here?

Because we like chatting with each other! :D

I'd chat with you any time, dear Adventine!

[lutorm]

We got married in Sweden, but only the bride's family traveled there from the US. We had a separate "pre-ception" at a friend's house in CA with all our old friends from that area instead, since we didn't really expect anyone to go to Sweden.

There are solutions that allow you to celebrate with everyone, while spending less money, than having a big ceremony in Hawaii. How about getting married in AK but having a separate party somewhere in the lower 48 that people down there can travel to?

[vand]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

$75k is what happens when you suck at budgeting.
So set a realistic budget. Then add 30%. Then stick to it.

[nereo]

My future wifey would like a wedding in Hawaii, along with me, and I’m wondering where to start with planning costs. I have no idea what a wedding would cost, but I know I don’t want it to cost 75k like my sisters in Mexico. How irresponsible. Is 10k reasonable amount? I’m thinking 20 people will come at most.

$75k is what happens when you suck at budgeting.
So set a realistic budget. Then add 30%. Then stick to it.

Why add 30% above your realistic budget? (Serious question)

[Malossi792]

Didn't read all the replies, just wanted to add that wedding costs are inversely correlated with the length of the marriage (citation needed).
We had a small wedding, it cost roughly the same as our then 10 years old used car bought in the same year, fingers crossed.
Oh and congrats!

[YttriumNitrate]

Didn't read all the replies, just wanted to add that wedding costs are inversely correlated with the length of the marriage (citation needed).
We had a small wedding, it cost roughly the same as our then 10 years old used car bought in the same year, fingers crossed.
Oh and congrats!

Here's your citation:

Spending between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring is significantly associated with an increase in the hazard of divorce in the sample of men. Specifically, in the sample of men, spending between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring is associated with a 1.3 times greater hazard of divorce as compared to spending between $500 and $2,000. Furthermore, spending $1,000 or less on the wedding is significantly associated with a decrease in the hazard of divorce in the sample of all persons and in the sample of men, and spending $20,000 or more on the wedding is associated with an increase in the hazard of divorce in the sample of women. In particular, as compared with spending between $5,000 and $10,000 on the wedding, spending less than $1,000 is associated with half the hazard of divorce in the sample of men, and spending $20,000 or more is associated with 1.6 times the hazard of divorce in the sample of women.

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

[Archipelago]

Hey, just throwing in my $.02 here.

My fiance and I took a trip out to the Big Island last year. We were there for a full month and it was a life changing experience. It was $8,000 for everything, including a moissanite ring.

The trip was so influential that we just booked another month long trip to Kauai and are going to elope there. We thought about it for a long time and talked to relatives about it. At the end of the day we just didn't want to do a traditional wedding with all the headaches and family drama that stuff involves. Surprisingly enough, the total cost of the trip + elopement is going to be around $7,000 for a month long trip to Kauai. We lucked out finding a modest place for $3100.

We are super excited and wouldn't have it any other way. Anytime we thought about wedding planning, inviting people, venues, gifts, etc. it only introduced stress. Anytime we thought about going to Hawaii, it was joy and excitement. So we just feel like it's the right thing to do for us.

[Captain FIRE]

Didn't read all the replies, just wanted to add that wedding costs are inversely correlated with the length of the marriage (citation needed).
We had a small wedding, it cost roughly the same as our then 10 years old used car bought in the same year, fingers crossed.
Oh and congrats!

Here's your citation:

Spending between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring is significantly associated with an increase in the hazard of divorce in the sample of men. Specifically, in the sample of men, spending between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring is associated with a 1.3 times greater hazard of divorce as compared to spending between $500 and $2,000. Furthermore, spending $1,000 or less on the wedding is significantly associated with a decrease in the hazard of divorce in the sample of all persons and in the sample of men, and spending $20,000 or more on the wedding is associated with an increase in the hazard of divorce in the sample of women. In particular, as compared with spending between $5,000 and $10,000 on the wedding, spending less than $1,000 is associated with half the hazard of divorce in the sample of men, and spending $20,000 or more is associated with 1.6 times the hazard of divorce in the sample of women.

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

Just a reminder that correlation does not equal causation...

I will also add that I'm not sure it's better to be unhappy in a marriage but not have enough money to get divorced, which may be some of what is going on there. 

[mm1970]

Where does everyone else live? You could have your wedding near the majority of people, then honeymoon in Hawaii.

This! If you've got people scattered throughout a region, then pick a single spot that will work decently for the majority. If you want great grandma to come though, you better get married in her town because she probably can't travel.

Yeah, no.

If you want to get married, get married where YOU want to get married.  Don't pick a location for someone else entirely - make sure it's where you want to be, if you actually care.

When I got married (back in the dark ages), literally everyone in my family had the same wedding.  It was in one of 3 Catholic churches, and the reception was in one of 3 places (2 church halls and one fire hall), and there was only one caterer.

But you know?  I didn't live there anymore.  I lived a 6 hour drive away.  I did not have any intention of getting married in my home town, because that would have left me, the bride, planning a wedding from afar - simply to make my mom happy.  In fact, she gave me the guilt trip "I know you want to get married where your friends live."  No mom, I want to get married where *I* live. 

Not to mention that dh was paying for the thing, and his family was in a different state from where I lived and where I was from, and he himself was living on the opposite coast, and half of his family lived in Europe.  Plus I have more siblings than he has cousins.

YES, this means that not everyone is going to come.  You need to consider that and decide how important that is to you.  There were many benefits to my having a wedding where I lived, not the least of which I could plan it, but ALSO it was near 3 major international airports (IAD, DCA, BWI).  DH's sister got engaged after us and planned her wedding to be 2 weeks before ours, which allowed for the Europeans to attend both ceremonies.

I have traveled to weddings (never to Hawaii).  I have traveled from DC to Taos, NM (our bridesmaid/groomsman married each other).  California to Denver (one of my bridesmaids).  California to PA (my brother). California to NC (my nephew).  California to Philadelphia (our best man).  California to NY (one of my best Navy buddies).

[YttriumNitrate]

The trip was so influential that we just booked another month long trip to Kauai and are going to elope there.

Out of curiosity, are going to do a true elopement (i.e., just you, your beloved, and officiant) or will you be inviting people as well? When I got married, we started off with the idea of a planned elopement, but the thought of telling parents/siblings that we didn't want them there was not particularly appealing.

[Archipelago]

The trip was so influential that we just booked another month long trip to Kauai and are going to elope there.

Out of curiosity, are going to do a true elopement (i.e., just you, your beloved, and officiant) or will you be inviting people as well? When I got married, we started off with the idea of a planned elopement, but the thought of telling parents/siblings that we didn't want them there was not particularly appealing.

We are doing a true elopement. It wasn't a tough discussion to have, mostly because there had been some difficult family matters that came up in the past couple of years, so there was a mutual understanding that having a wedding even with a small number of people would bring up some chaos no matter how we sliced it.

We're also going to be visiting relatives once married as a little "wedding tour". We think it'll work especially well for aging grandparents who aren't able to travel. It'll be nice to spend one-on-one time with relatives that otherwise wouldn't happen with a traditional wedding.

We're still thinking of doing a small picnic event at some point for celebration. Again, something low key where the pressure of getting everything ready and racking up major bills isn't there. Still not fleshed out on that, but it's an idea.