Unequal inheritance - what would you do?

[BTDretire]

Heard a story on Click and Clack the Tappit Brothers today.
Rich uncle Nef left his car collection to his three nephews.
Nef had 17 cars, he left 1/2 to Tom, 1/3 to Bill and 1/9 to Neezer.
The lawyer figured out 8-1/2 cars to Tom, 5-2/3 cars to Bill and 1-7/8
cars to Neezer. They were arguing about splitting the cars, when the
neighbor Willie stepped in and said, "listen, I'll loan you my 56' Pontiac
and that will solve your problem". They were surprised but went with it.
Tom got 1/2 of 18 cars, 9 cars, Bill got 1/3 of 18 cars, 6 cars, and
Neezer got 1/9 of 18 cars or 2 cars.  9+6+2=17
and Willie got his 56' Pontiac back.

 Well, it is an unequal inheritance!

So whoever wrote the will wrote the "6" in "1/6 to Neezer" upside down then?

Good catch, I hadn't thought of that, but ya, the catch is that Uncle Nef didn't divide
it to equal 100%.

[nara]

Don't expect or rely on inheritances! My husband's side has and will give us substantially less than his siblings because we have chosen not to have children. On my side, my parents had already indicated that the majority of their inheritance will be left to my brother with a developmental disability. It has taught us to become self reliant and anything we do get is a bonus! I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't. I have seen so many acquaintances blow very large inheritances! They just never learned money skills and never had reason to...

[BlueHouse]

I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't.

Ha!  I'll take this disadvantage any day of the week.  I think I know what you meant, nara, but starting with a pile of money isn't my idea of a disadvantage.  Just try to make sure that the receiver gets some education on how to manage that pile of money!  :)

[Villanelle]

Don't expect or rely on inheritances! My husband's side has and will give us substantially less than his siblings because we have chosen not to have children. On my side, my parents had already indicated that the majority of their inheritance will be left to my brother with a developmental disability. It has taught us to become self reliant and anything we do get is a bonus! I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't. I have seen so many acquaintances blow very large inheritances! They just never learned money skills and never had reason to...

I believe those receiving inheritances *who are not financially responsible* may be at a disadvantage.

Your statement is a bit like saying that winning $1m on a lottery ticket (gifted to you) is a disadvantage, because there are so many horror stories of lottery winners blowing through it all and going bankrupt.  Just because some people piss it away doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge advantage. I suspect most of the people on this board, for example, would take that $1m--whether it's an inheritance or a lottery win or a legal settlement or unearthing a buried treasure chest in their yard--and turn it in to a huge advantage.

[Dicey]

Wow, two great stories in a row and a real-life math word problem to boot!

[Goldielocks]

Don't expect or rely on inheritances! My husband's side has and will give us substantially less than his siblings because we have chosen not to have children. On my side, my parents had already indicated that the majority of their inheritance will be left to my brother with a developmental disability. It has taught us to become self reliant and anything we do get is a bonus! I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't. I have seen so many acquaintances blow very large inheritances! They just never learned money skills and never had reason to...

I believe those receiving inheritances *who are not financially responsible* may be at a disadvantage.

Your statement is a bit like saying that winning $1m on a lottery ticket (gifted to you) is a disadvantage, because there are so many horror stories of lottery winners blowing through it all and going bankrupt.  Just because some people piss it away doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge advantage. I suspect most of the people on this board, for example, would take that $1m--whether it's an inheritance or a lottery win or a legal settlement or unearthing a buried treasure chest in their yard--and turn it in to a huge advantage.

Or the thought was that learning how to be self-sufficient is one of the greatest skills one can have, leading to life joys.   Getting a large inheritance can impede that...

[NorthernBlitz]

Don't expect or rely on inheritances! My husband's side has and will give us substantially less than his siblings because we have chosen not to have children. On my side, my parents had already indicated that the majority of their inheritance will be left to my brother with a developmental disability. It has taught us to become self reliant and anything we do get is a bonus! I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't. I have seen so many acquaintances blow very large inheritances! They just never learned money skills and never had reason to...

I believe those receiving inheritances *who are not financially responsible* may be at a disadvantage.

Your statement is a bit like saying that winning $1m on a lottery ticket (gifted to you) is a disadvantage, because there are so many horror stories of lottery winners blowing through it all and going bankrupt.  Just because some people piss it away doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge advantage. I suspect most of the people on this board, for example, would take that $1m--whether it's an inheritance or a lottery win or a legal settlement or unearthing a buried treasure chest in their yard--and turn it in to a huge advantage.

There's at lest one woman in the UK who agrees the winning the lottery put her at a disadvantage.
http://metro.co.uk/2017/02/12/britains-youngest-euromillions-winner-wants-to-sue-lotto-for-ruining-her-life-6442874/

[Dezrah]

Just because you win the lottery or get an inheritance doesn't mean you're a capable person.  Without the money, you can blame the system for your failures.  You might even be right.  If you have the money, you only have yourself to blame for your mediocrity.  That could be a pretty depressing situation.

[BlueHouse]

Don't expect or rely on inheritances! My husband's side has and will give us substantially less than his siblings because we have chosen not to have children. On my side, my parents had already indicated that the majority of their inheritance will be left to my brother with a developmental disability. It has taught us to become self reliant and anything we do get is a bonus! I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't. I have seen so many acquaintances blow very large inheritances! They just never learned money skills and never had reason to...

I believe those receiving inheritances *who are not financially responsible* may be at a disadvantage.

Your statement is a bit like saying that winning $1m on a lottery ticket (gifted to you) is a disadvantage, because there are so many horror stories of lottery winners blowing through it all and going bankrupt.  Just because some people piss it away doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge advantage. I suspect most of the people on this board, for example, would take that $1m--whether it's an inheritance or a lottery win or a legal settlement or unearthing a buried treasure chest in their yard--and turn it in to a huge advantage.

Or the thought was that learning how to be self-sufficient is one of the greatest skills one can have, leading to life joys.   Getting a large inheritance can impede that...

One thing I've noticed about myself...when I'm generally happy and pleased with my progress in life, I do not buy lottery.  I feel like I can do it on my own and my hard work will be rewarded.  But when I'm having a particularly shitty time at work and I just want out as soon as possible, I go and spend a few bucks on lottery and daydream of hitting the big one.  It's just the opposite of what should happen -- only playing when I can afford to and refraining when extra money in my pocket would help me meet my goals faster.  But that's how my brain works.  Anyone else follow the same patterns?

[Warlord1986]

Don't expect or rely on inheritances! My husband's side has and will give us substantially less than his siblings because we have chosen not to have children. On my side, my parents had already indicated that the majority of their inheritance will be left to my brother with a developmental disability. It has taught us to become self reliant and anything we do get is a bonus! I do believe that those receiving inheritances are at a large disadvantage to those who don't. I have seen so many acquaintances blow very large inheritances! They just never learned money skills and never had reason to...

I believe those receiving inheritances *who are not financially responsible* may be at a disadvantage.

Your statement is a bit like saying that winning $1m on a lottery ticket (gifted to you) is a disadvantage, because there are so many horror stories of lottery winners blowing through it all and going bankrupt.  Just because some people piss it away doesn't mean it wouldn't be a huge advantage. I suspect most of the people on this board, for example, would take that $1m--whether it's an inheritance or a lottery win or a legal settlement or unearthing a buried treasure chest in their yard--and turn it in to a huge advantage.

Or the thought was that learning how to be self-sufficient is one of the greatest skills one can have, leading to life joys.   Getting a large inheritance can impede that...

One thing I've noticed about myself...when I'm generally happy and pleased with my progress in life, I do not buy lottery.  I feel like I can do it on my own and my hard work will be rewarded.  But when I'm having a particularly shitty time at work and I just want out as soon as possible, I go and spend a few bucks on lottery and daydream of hitting the big one.  It's just the opposite of what should happen -- only playing when I can afford to and refraining when extra money in my pocket would help me meet my goals faster.  But that's how my brain works.  Anyone else follow the same patterns?

I follow a similar pattern. When life is hitting me with slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I shop and eat out more. Not to a point where I'm in financial trouble, but more than I would like. When things are good, I plan and save like a beast.

My guess is when things are going poorly, our brains want a little jolt of happy juice that comes from purchases, even if those purchases are dumb. The trick is to realize this and combat it with the power of financial logic. Which is easier said than done.

[VoteCthulu]

I would do nothing.

I don't need the money, and neither do my siblings, so an inheritance wouldn't make a huge difference to us. I've told my parents that they should enjoy the money they've worked so hard for, and if they decide to give it all to charity that's fine with me.

Now if they simply wrote me out of the will and gave everything to my siblings I would feel bad about it and probably resent them for a while. I'd get over it though, especially if I was retired and they were still working.

I also don't expect my parents to die anytime soon, since two of my grandparents are still living (93 and 98). It would be awesome if they both made it until I retired so I could go visit them more.

[Rosy]

Fascinating thoughts and stories - here is one more:

My son's grandfather left one grandchild $50.000 plus a pick-up etc. and the other two grandchildren received $500. each:)
The interesting thing was that the grandkid who scored, is the one already very well established financially.
He had his reasons I'm sure, but I was still furious to see it. What mother doesn't want her son to be treated equally?
Took me a moment or two to come around and say, it is his money to do with as he pleases.
There was a great deal more to this story and to the estate which went to his wife and we did not see any of that - which again, was entirely his/her affair.

I never told my son about the inequality, I just made sure that all he ever saw was the check for $500. I doubt he ever gave it a moment's consideration - he's not made that way. Me on the other hand - I simmered for a while:), but in the end - it really was not for me to say:)


QUOTE: "On the comment about the lottery tickets:
One thing I've noticed about myself...when I'm generally happy and pleased with my progress in life, I do not buy lottery.  I feel like I can do it on my own and my hard work will be rewarded.  But when I'm having a particularly shitty time at work and I just want out as soon as possible, I go and spend a few bucks on lottery and daydream of hitting the big one.  It's just the opposite of what should happen -- only playing when I can afford to and refraining when extra money in my pocket would help me meet my goals faster.  But that's how my brain works.  Anyone else follow the same patterns?"

Yup - same here. I like to play during the holidays and around the New Year and whenever things in my life are not going my way, as in, I can least afford it. When I'm doing fine and all goes well - it is easy for me to save like crazy.

 

[RFAAOATB]

Fascinating thoughts and stories - here is one more:

My son's grandfather left one grandchild $50.000 plus a pick-up etc. and the other two grandchildren received $500. each:)
The interesting thing was that the grandkid who scored, is the one already very well established financially.

While I don't know the specifics of this case, if I was going to leave an unequal inheritance, the bigger share would go to the one who already has more.  Just as we talk of national wealth inequality, the big thing coming up which those of us on this forum probably already feel is family wealth inequality.  When siblings of the next generation range from lawyers to junkies, I'll feel better giving my money to the lawyers and hoping their kids have a better use of it. 

Of course odds are I'll be trying to create a permanent generational spendthrift trust/endowment so who knows.

[Sofa King]

If there are no genuinely extenuating circumstances, like a disability, I think it's a pretty rotten thing for parents to do. 

I concur!

[Cache_Stash]

PTF

[A Fella from Stella]

A co-worker (40) was having lunch with his father, who is married with 12-year-old twins.

Father: Look, I don't really have any money. It's all going to have to be left to Cybil and the girls.
Son: What? Why are you even bringing this up?
Father: I just know that you think I'm rich. I overheard you talking about how much you enjoyed being on the boat [a yacht] the other night, and it made me feel like you think there's a lot of money. I'm nearly broke.
Son: Do you think I've been spending time with you because you have money?

He did. My friend said he anticipated getting nothing, but the dad was sure he was in it for the cash.

Son: You left me and mom when I was six, and didn't pay alimony or child support. I put myself through college -
Father: You went to college?

And it got worse from there.

[mm1970]

A co-worker (40) was having lunch with his father, who is married with 12-year-old twins.

Father: Look, I don't really have any money. It's all going to have to be left to Cybil and the girls.
Son: What? Why are you even bringing this up?
Father: I just know that you think I'm rich. I overheard you talking about how much you enjoyed being on the boat [a yacht] the other night, and it made me feel like you think there's a lot of money. I'm nearly broke.
Son: Do you think I've been spending time with you because you have money?

He did. My friend said he anticipated getting nothing, but the dad was sure he was in it for the cash.

Son: You left me and mom when I was six, and didn't pay alimony or child support. I put myself through college -
Father: You went to college?

And it got worse from there.

this was a necro-thread reboot

But: OMG.  That's...ugh. 

[dandarc]

Check the dates . . .

[Dicey]

I loves me a good necropost, and this one's better than good.

[A Fella from Stella]

I loves me a good necropost, and this one's better than good.

I found it linked to on the Wall of Shame inheritance request, and it just reminded me so much of that poor guy I worked with. He'll be okay, but it was a shame.

[Miss Prim]

My mom's estate after she passes is going to be divided equally between me and my brothers.  My mother is in independent living right now near me and I take her with me on vacation, Dr. appt. etc, basically mostly everything.  I plan on gifting my brothers my share of the estate because I have enough already and my brothers were both spendy people.  I am worried that when they retire, they won't have enough to live on and I don't want to see them scrimp to get by.  That being said, if she had decided to bypass me and only give to my brothers, I probably would be upset, so I can see where this could be a huge issue for someone.  Even though I am choosing to give my brothers my share which would essentially be the same outcome, psychologically it would feel different.

                                                                         Miss Prim

[John Galt incarnate!]

  I plan on gifting my brothers my share of the estate because I have enough already and my brothers were both spendy people.  I am worried that when they retire, they won't have enough to live on and I don't want to see them scrimp to get by.

                                                                         Miss Prim

Have you considered keeping your share (or some of it) and managing it  for your brothers' benefit?

I am thinking of the possibility of an informal arrangement  that has the safeguards of a  spendthrift trust.

I understand that this arrangement may cause friction among family members in which case it may not be advisable.

[Ralph2]

been away for a while, nearly as long as this thread is old

I read through this thread and in some ways it reminds me of the angst some FIRE people have with those who were in the same/similar jobs and spent it all and now want the pension here in OZ.

yes it is a bit like double dipping(?) and can be seen as totally unfair to punish those who are/were thrifty. No gold star for you.
At least you know you can do it and can take pride in your achievements.

Not having to jump through the loops to try to get a partial pension or engage lawyers to fight a will you don't need to enable you to live comfortably is in my eye a blessing.
And you now know what your relatives think/thought of you.

As for what you do when the supported/enabled sibling asks you for money a couple of years into the future, that is when you bring up the will and the other assistance if you want.

my 2cents

[A Fella from Stella]

I would be upset because my mother has always clearly said it's all going to be split equally.

I live near my mother, and so do my siblings. She has a good relationship with us all, but is not very honest with herself. It's possible she could leave more to my younger sister, or sneak her some cash, because she and her husband don't make a lot, and have the youngest kids. If that's the case, I just hope she'll lay out why she's treating us un-equally, if she does.

My concern would not be with what I receive, but that it is all honest and transparent.

[DeniseNJ]

I would be very upset to be treated unequally in my parents wills. (I happen to be an only child and my dad has nothing so I get all of my mom's estate, if there's anything left.  And if there isn't then I get to support her so either way it's a wash--whatever I give her I'll get back and whatever she gives me she'll get back.  Not counting on anything at all.)

Outside of a permanent disability, this is a slap in the face.  Obviously the parents assign some meaning to leaving assets or why leave anything?  If they didn't value leaving something, they could have left it all to charity.  But they must think there is some value to leaving assets to their children and that's why the inequality hurts so much.  And it is not the money at all.  If it was a pile of dirt, I would want half.  If it was 10K or 100K or $1m or $500 or a shack or a pile of old clothes, that the parent is taking the time to write a will and assigns a value to their possessions to the point of wanting to leave them to their children instead of just giving it away to strangers or charities, well that's where the meaning lies. If it means enough to Mom to leave to her kids then what does it say that she's leaving me less?  If she doesn't think money is a big deal then leave it all to your cat or blow it all on black.

[partgypsy]

This thread doesn't really apply to me as my dad has no assests and my mother has so few assets more likely she will need financial help before she dies than leaving anything. However I feel like I have already lived through  unequal treatment of children. My older brother since he was the troubled kid, got the lions share of attention, parenta
l support, and basically financially supported by the parents. I can't even estimate how much money. He also inherited a coin from the great grandfather which he sold for I believe 30 or 35k, which he went through in a years time. So basically, there was always money stress from this "black hole". One of main reasons I was ok moving away from rest of family. He is dying now, and insisting that his now elderly parents take care of him, bc he doesn't like the options available through insurance. So they are doing it. He's living with my 86 year old dad, who sleeps in a recliner so brother can gave his bed, 24)7 no privacy and caring for him. Might end up killing them, but they can't say no. There's not much I can do.

[partgypsy]

Here's a funny story. When mom was still living in her house with my older brother, my other two siblings and I had the idea of paying for a small life insurance policy on mom. The idea was to pay for her funeral and also have enough to fix up house before selling (we assumed the house would be split 4 ways). So we brought it up with mom, who immediately asked, shouldn't that money go to (oldest brother) because he will need it. She then let drop, that she was going to see if she could change the beneficiary on the policy (to brother), and that her intention for brother to continue living in the house, even to extent rest of siblings financially supporting that. You have to realize this was a big house with 7k a year prop tax es alone. He doesn't work. At that point we decided to not proceed with policy.

[Dicey]

Here's a funny story. When mom was still living in her house with older brother, my other two siblings and I had the idea of paying for a small life insurance policy on mom. The idea was to pay for her funeral and also have enough to fix up house before selling (we assumed the house would be split 4 ways). So we brought it up with mom, who immediately asked, shouldn't that money go to (oldest brother) because he will need it. She then let drop, that she was going to see if she could change the beneficiary on the policy (to brother), and that her intention for brother to continue living in the house, even to extent rest of siblings financially supporting that. You have to realize this was a big house with 7k a year prop tax es alone. He doesn't work. At that point we decided to not proceed with policy.

Ouch.

[Just Joe]

Unequal inheritance? Some weeks I think it could be a possibility b/c parents definitely make more time/spend more time with sibling despite all their statements about being 100% equal with sibling and myself.

It would confirm my (silent) expectations and DW and I would continue living life just the same as we do now.

We don't need their money nor does my sibling. It would have been far more useful earlier in our marriage with all those typical young family expenses.

[oldladystache]

My parents were wealthy.

When they were in their 80s they added my name on the deed to their home, with the unspoken understanding ( I heard later) that I'd take care of mom after dad died. She went first, at 93 and I spent 3 of the next 5 years managing his affairs and his life. My brother was helpful whenever I asked for help but I did most of the work.

After he had been in assisted living for a year he told me to sell the home and keep the proceeds. I sold it and kept 2/3 and gave my brother the other third. When I told dad I had done that he said I didn't have to. Brother also knew I didn't have to.

After his passing his charities got most of his assets and my brother and I also got generous equal shares. Neither of us needed it but it was nice to get it.

My brother frequently expresses how much he appreciates all that I did for dad so that he didn't have to worry about it. I figure that giving him part of the sale of the home made for good feelings all around. And he never felt the need to check up on me to be sure I wasn't trying to cheat anyone.

[PDXTabs]

I would do nothing except live my life which is pretty awesome.

With that said, my family always makes sure to split everything completely evenly between children. But is that right? Should the child with two children get as much as the child with five children? If I do a lot better than my siblings should I inherit as much as they do?

Should I will anything to my kids if I think they are spendthrifts, or should I give it all to charity?

[SwordGuy]

I would do nothing except live my life which is pretty awesome.

Right answer!!!!!

With that said, my family always makes sure to split everything completely evenly between children. But is that right? Should the child with two children get as much as the child with five children? If I do a lot better than my siblings should I inherit as much as they do?

Those are good questions.

We have two kids, a normal son and a daughter with Down syndrome.   She can't take care of herself.   Depending on the size of our estate she may be getting way more than half.  That's because she can't provide for herself and our son can.   In this situation I don't feel bad about giving her way more assets.
(We're trying to do it in such a way as to provide a life income for her but have the assets revert in full to her brother's line of descent when she dies.  Hopefully we'll have the wills and trusts figured out by mid-August.)

Otherwise I would generally just split it evenly between my kids.   If one has more kids than the other, that's their choice, and that's no reason why they should deserve more than a child who had fewer children.

Should I will anything to my kids if I think they are spendthrifts, or should I give it all to charity?

Some people are just too immature to be trusted with a lot of money.   It can actually cause someone deadly harm if they are an addict.   It's possible to set up a trust with limitations on how much they can get at a time and with provisions that they can't get it at all if they are a total screwup.

And there are some people who are just so damn worthless that no one should waste money on them.

[RFAAOATB]

I would do nothing except live my life which is pretty awesome.

With that said, my family always makes sure to split everything completely evenly between children. But is that right? Should the child with two children get as much as the child with five children? If I do a lot better than my siblings should I inherit as much as they do?

Should I will anything to my kids if I think they are spendthrifts, or should I give it all to charity?

Going equally to children or grandchildren is the best bet.  Eventually I would look into getting a trust that would encourage responsibility in financial matters and keep payments to a perpetual and forever sustainable amount.  I would rather give money to people that have it than people who don’t but keeping it fair is important.  One generation of brothers spans the economic range from homeless to STEM major.  Having a slow drip to everyone is the safest and fairest choice.  Giving too much to charity instead of your kids is probably the best way to say fuck you to your kids from the grave.

[SwordGuy]

The math on a trust that provides income to descendents is interesting.

To give enough money at age 20 for someone to have an income of $10,000 / year, you've got to give them $250,000 using the 4% rule.

This becomes geometrically harder to do because each generation gets bigger and bigger on average.

But if you put the money in an index fund account the day they are born, you only need about $40,000 because it's growing for 20 years before it's used.

The geometric growth in number of recipients doesn't change but the amount needed is less than 1/6th to provide the same income.

If you put $60,000 into a satellite trust for that child's kids at the same time, then you've got enough to set up the next generation. and I think enough to start the following one, too.

To me, that would be the way to go.   It would take way less money this way.

$10,000 extra per year (inflation protected up to the inflation protection built into the market (about 3% for the US market)) is a non trivial sum.   It's about 1/6th median family income.   It's enough to make it much easier to attend college and quickly pay off median-sized student loans.  It's enough to provide funds for a major repair of one's house or to replace a car with a used one.  Used prudently it could jumpstart a sizeable nest egg for retirement.   Used imprudently it would at least provide food.
 

[BussoV6]

I guess unequal inheritances are the decision of the parents, and those who do this may have good reasons.

In my case, when my father died, his investments were split equally amoung 3 of us kids. However, he left my parents house solely to me on the basis that I helped (not financially) my parents find the house to purchase and get it sorted out & fixed up how they wanted it.

I don't need/want the house and sold it, but I split the net proceeds equally with my 2 siblings. Just seemed a fair solution for me.

[Abe Froman]

The math on a trust that provides income to descendents is interesting.

To give enough money at age 20 for someone to have an income of $10,000 / year, you've got to give them $250,000 using the 4% rule.

This becomes geometrically harder to do because each generation gets bigger and bigger on average.

But if you put the money in an index fund account the day they are born, you only need about $40,000 because it's growing for 20 years before it's used.

The geometric growth in number of recipients doesn't change but the amount needed is less than 1/6th to provide the same income.

If you put $60,000 into a satellite trust for that child's kids at the same time, then you've got enough to set up the next generation. and I think enough to start the following one, too.

To me, that would be the way to go.   It would take way less money this way.

$10,000 extra per year (inflation protected up to the inflation protection built into the market (about 3% for the US market)) is a non trivial sum.   It's about 1/6th median family income.   It's enough to make it much easier to attend college and quickly pay off median-sized student loans.  It's enough to provide funds for a major repair of one's house or to replace a car with a used one.  Used prudently it could jumpstart a sizeable nest egg for retirement.   Used imprudently it would at least provide food.

Check this out.
I setup an IRA for this exact purpose.
https://paulmerriman.com/turn-3000-into-50-million/

[shadesofgreen]

I am the one who is supposed to be getting the larger amount when a parent passes. There will be pushback mostly from my older sister but, it's what my parent wants to do and they are fully cogent of why they are going this route. 

It basically breaks down to people *ing up big time or expecting money just because they wasted theirs. Or used it in ways that my parent completely disagreed with. So they won't get the free money payday that I am fairly sure 1 is expecting after my parent passes. Thankfully I know the reasons, I don't quite agree with it but there is a lawyer and a will was done years ago. Depending on how this ends up will change how I end up doing my will so I just hope things work out. I don't have a spouse or kids at the moment, who knows - that could change in the future.

In any case, I already have plans to leave the state that I am living in for a more affordable area in a different part of the country after my parent passes on. I am here for my parent I assist them to hospital and surgery appointments and I visit about every 2-3 weeks and we talk about every 2 weeks or whenever. I never intended to be in this position but that's how things worked out. I am sure my OS will say that I cheated and lied to get the money and she will argue about the will- I am really hoping that I am wrong though.

[Zamboni]

It strikes me as odd that parents would inform their potential heirs about unequal provisions of a will. Why would they do this? Are they just trying to manipulate their kids somehow with it? Or is it more of a heads up?

[Goldielocks]

It strikes me as odd that parents would inform their potential heirs about unequal provisions of a will. Why would they do this? Are they just trying to manipulate their kids somehow with it? Or is it more of a heads up?

It is a highly recommended heads up to explain it before you die, so your kids have a chance to ask questions and understand, even if they do not agree.    It can take the emotional sting out of it, if it is unequal.   It is also less likely to be challenged in court.

[A Fella from Stella]

It strikes me as odd that parents would inform their potential heirs about unequal provisions of a will. Why would they do this? Are they just trying to manipulate their kids somehow with it? Or is it more of a heads up?

It is a highly recommended heads up to explain it before you die, so your kids have a chance to ask questions and understand, even if they do not agree.    It can take the emotional sting out of it, if it is unequal.   It is also less likely to be challenged in court.

Agreed. I've tried to get my mom to talk a bit, and she has said "the 3 of you will work it out."

The problem is that we're not close. They aren't greedy or stupid, but I don't like them, and they've been shitty to me.

Overall, I think it will be fine. My younger sister will cherry pick the jewelry and handbags before mom dies, the other will take a few sentimental items, like a pan or a pot, and I'll probably be taking a couch set from the living room or something like that.

I anticipate there being little cash left, and the house won't be easy for anyone to screw the others on unless it's in their name.

[saguaro]

My folks set things up to be split equally 3 ways.  Right now I am dealing with my middle sister who is executor of our parents estate to finally get the estate sale done and house sold after stalling for over a year.   Concerns are that she may claim compensation for "all she has done" during this protracted time as a way to get more because she deserves it however my main concern right now is to get that house sold as that is the bulk of the estate and she can't get any more that her 1/3 of the proceeds.  I will deal with her  claims to compensation and the way she might be spending down the checking account later.   

DH's parents have set up things 3 ways: DH, SIL and SIL's two kids.  DH feels that giving SIL's two kids is really a way to give SIL more, but whatever.   It's not going to change that SIL has worked her parents like a pro during their retirement getting them to give her cash, cars, condos, appliances, and who knows what else.  At this point, I told DH that the way his folks spend good chance there will be nothing but if there is anything left, take his 1/3 and consider it gravy.   One good thing is that SIL will cherry pick the artwork that is supposedly worth something (it isn't) and jewelry (fine by me) and whatever she takes out is less for DH to deal with. 

[StarBright]

The math on a trust that provides income to descendents is interesting.

To give enough money at age 20 for someone to have an income of $10,000 / year, you've got to give them $250,000 using the 4% rule.

This becomes geometrically harder to do because each generation gets bigger and bigger on average.

But if you put the money in an index fund account the day they are born, you only need about $40,000 because it's growing for 20 years before it's used.

The geometric growth in number of recipients doesn't change but the amount needed is less than 1/6th to provide the same income.

If you put $60,000 into a satellite trust for that child's kids at the same time, then you've got enough to set up the next generation. and I think enough to start the following one, too.

To me, that would be the way to go.   It would take way less money this way.

$10,000 extra per year (inflation protected up to the inflation protection built into the market (about 3% for the US market)) is a non trivial sum.   It's about 1/6th median family income.   It's enough to make it much easier to attend college and quickly pay off median-sized student loans.  It's enough to provide funds for a major repair of one's house or to replace a car with a used one.  Used prudently it could jumpstart a sizeable nest egg for retirement.   Used imprudently it would at least provide food.

Check this out.
I setup an IRA for this exact purpose.
https://paulmerriman.com/turn-3000-into-50-million/

Awesome! Thank you

[Gary123]

Have you read the book “The Millionaire Next Door”?

People who rely on inheritance or spend any time worrying about it do themselves a great disservice.  ‘Don’t be that guy’. People are responding very kindly but essentially the poster is looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

Across many traditions and cultures allegories, psalms and even the Dharma teach that this type of behavior is unhealthy.

As Mother Theresa once said to a sceptical reporter who inquired about the cost of her expensive hospital bill being paid by wealthy donors,

“I give to God all that he asks and take all that he gives.”

Similarly, give to your parents all that they ask and and take only what they give.  Leave it there.

[Luz]

This stuff gets so complicated and it's hard to keep resentment from seeping in.
I have 2 siblings. A brother who has done well for himself and a sister who is constantly overspending and then relying on our parents (and the government) for all sorts of assistance (and complains often about how difficult she has it). So anyway, our wealthy grandparents left my parents (who never had much money) an inheritance. It ideally would have gone towards building up retirement savings (they had none). Instead, my parents used a large portion of it to help my sister buy a home. Initially, it was to be used as an interest-free loan, and my sister would pay my parents back over time. But that didn't happen. My parents decided to treat the money as a gift and forgive the loan, largely because my sister was very vocal about her stress and depression at the time. They didn't want to add to her burden. When I confronted my parents about how unhealthy their dynamic was with her and told them that they really needed that money for retirement (not to mention that their assistance was not doing my sister any favors), they ended up feeling guilty and gave my brother and I nearly all the money that was left (though I stated over and over that I didn't want any money, I just wanted them to have something for retirement). I suppose they wanted to even the score. But here's the thing. My parents now have nothing for retirement and it will be up to my brother and I to provide both the physical and the financial support. We're not counting on our sister to help out and wouldn't be surprised if she actually makes our job harder (via some of the financial support we provide our parents ending up in her hands+adding drama to the care situation). My brother and I used our inheritance (which was much less than my sister's) to better leverage our ability to care for our parents in old age. I wouldn't be surprised if my sisters house goes into foreclosure one day. It was hard to be around my sister's self pity and entitlement before. Post-inheritance fiasco, I find it extremely difficult to be around her. I keep my distance. Thank god my brother and I are in this together!

The plan with my own kids is to #1) take care of our retirement so they don't have to support us in old age- or at least support us very little #2) teach them how to manage money- both with info and with natural consequences- no one gets special treatment, #3) pay an equal amount per kid to help with post secondary education  #4) give our money to charity when my husband and I die

[Freedom2016]

Heard a story on Click and Clack the Tappit Brothers today.
Rich uncle Nef left his car collection to his three nephews.
Nef had 17 cars, he left 1/2 to Tom, 1/3 to Bill and 1/9 to Neezer.
The lawyer figured out 8-1/2 cars to Tom, 5-2/3 cars to Bill and 1-7/8
cars to Neezer. They were arguing about splitting the cars, when the
neighbor Willie stepped in and said, "listen, I'll loan you my 56' Pontiac
and that will solve your problem". They were surprised but went with it.
Tom got 1/2 of 18 cars, 9 cars, Bill got 1/3 of 18 cars, 6 cars, and
Neezer got 1/9 of 18 cars or 2 cars.  9+6+2=17
and Willie got his 56' Pontiac back.

 Well, it is an unequal inheritance!

So whoever wrote the will wrote the "6" in "1/6 to Neezer" upside down then?

Good catch, I hadn't thought of that, but ya, the catch is that Uncle Nef didn't divide
it to equal 100%.

No disrespect to Click and Clack, but the riddle has been around for some time (i.e. they didn't invent it):

http://www.crazyforcode.com/17-horses-puzzle/

It's a good one!

[skp]

I must have missed this the first go around (or not have been a member).  Regarding ask your parents why the inheritance is not equal.  Might be a good idea but I'm not so sure if people will like the answer. My guess- not being a part of your parents lives could be a big reason why you might get less of an inheritance. I personally don't understand why someone who actually states in their OP that visiting their parents takes away from things they really want to do would  be surprised that their inheritance is less. If that is the reason would it be an "approved" reason to the younger generation.  I don't think people understand how older people feel when their children act like its too much trouble to bother calling or visiting.  Why should they reward such behavior.   I often think that I am going to keep track of how many phone calls and visits I get and "pay" my kids via their inheritance accordingly.  They will get an itemized receipt of x visits at $1000 a visit and x phone calls at $50 a phone call and fixing my toilet at a going rate.  You'll get a receipt and it will say what you did and that because of it your inheritance is x amount of money.  Does anyone think that would fly as a reason for giving an unequal inheritance?
I

[frugalecon]

I must have missed this the first go around (or not have been a member).  Regarding ask your parents why the inheritance is not equal.  Might be a good idea but I'm not so sure if people will like the answer. My guess- not being a part of your parents lives could be a big reason why you might get less of an inheritance. I personally don't understand why someone who actually states in their OP that visiting their parents takes away from things they really want to do would  be surprised that their inheritance is less. If that is the reason would it be an "approved" reason to the younger generation.  I don't think people understand how older people feel when their children act like its too much trouble to bother calling or visiting.  Why should they reward such behavior.   I often think that I am going to keep track of how many phone calls and visits I get and "pay" my kids via their inheritance accordingly.  They will get an itemized receipt of x visits at $1000 a visit and x phone calls at $50 a phone call and fixing my toilet at a going rate.  You'll get a receipt and it will say what you did and that because of it your inheritance is x amount of money.  Does anyone think that would fly as a reason for giving an unequal inheritance?
I

Personally, it would really bum me out if a parent did that. What I have given my parents is a gift, and it would sadden me to think that they felt they needed to pay me back. My dad has passed, but if my mom were to feel that one of my sisters needed more than me (cuz I really have no need to inherit anything), I would accept that. My mom knows I am extremely savvy about personal finance, so it wouldn’t be surprising if she thought the others needed it more.

[DaMa]

I must have missed this the first go around (or not have been a member).  Regarding ask your parents why the inheritance is not equal.  Might be a good idea but I'm not so sure if people will like the answer. My guess- not being a part of your parents lives could be a big reason why you might get less of an inheritance. I personally don't understand why someone who actually states in their OP that visiting their parents takes away from things they really want to do would  be surprised that their inheritance is less. If that is the reason would it be an "approved" reason to the younger generation.  I don't think people understand how older people feel when their children act like its too much trouble to bother calling or visiting.  Why should they reward such behavior.   I often think that I am going to keep track of how many phone calls and visits I get and "pay" my kids via their inheritance accordingly.  They will get an itemized receipt of x visits at $1000 a visit and x phone calls at $50 a phone call and fixing my toilet at a going rate.  You'll get a receipt and it will say what you did and that because of it your inheritance is x amount of money.  Does anyone think that would fly as a reason for giving an unequal inheritance?
I

Do you call and visit them?

My father hasn't visited me, my brother, or his 5 grandchildren since 2015.  He has called me once in the same time.  He complains all the time about no one coming to see him, but he's the one retired with little to do.  We are the ones with full time jobs and full time families.

[Villanelle]

I must have missed this the first go around (or not have been a member).  Regarding ask your parents why the inheritance is not equal.  Might be a good idea but I'm not so sure if people will like the answer. My guess- not being a part of your parents lives could be a big reason why you might get less of an inheritance. I personally don't understand why someone who actually states in their OP that visiting their parents takes away from things they really want to do would  be surprised that their inheritance is less. If that is the reason would it be an "approved" reason to the younger generation.  I don't think people understand how older people feel when their children act like its too much trouble to bother calling or visiting.  Why should they reward such behavior.   I often think that I am going to keep track of how many phone calls and visits I get and "pay" my kids via their inheritance accordingly.  They will get an itemized receipt of x visits at $1000 a visit and x phone calls at $50 a phone call and fixing my toilet at a going rate.  You'll get a receipt and it will say what you did and that because of it your inheritance is x amount of money.  Does anyone think that would fly as a reason for giving an unequal inheritance?
I

Wow.  Wow.  Sure, people can choose whatever rationale they want for distributing their money, but this would definitely be one that I'd have a hard time respecting, whether I was involved or not.

While I can see cutting out an adult child who made no effort to nurture the relationship and treated a parent like a burden, turning  familiar relationships into something transactional seems distasteful, to say the least. 

Also, there are plenty of reasons people might call or visit less.  I've lived overseas for nearly 10 years.  While I definitely visited my parents fairly often, it was clearly expensive to do to, and I didn't see them nearly as much as I did when I lived a 5 hour drive away.  If they "billed" me for that in comparison to my sister who lived a 4 hour drive away, I'd be extremely hurt.  Or perhaps one child has several young children and the associated busy schedule, and the other has none.  Or any number of reasons why someone might visit more/less.  If another person choose to penalize them financially for that, I'd think a whole lot less of that person.  And if it was my parent, proclaiming that attention is bought with love?  I'd not only lose respect for them, but I'm guessing I'd be less likely to visit, not more. 

I'm so put off by this that I'm honestly going back and forth with whether maybe your post was satirical, and hoping it was and I missed the "joke". 

[Car Jack]

With nursing homes around me costing $15k a month.....and living in a state where nursing homes CAN go after kids for the money.....and with one living parent and one living parent in law, both in their mid 80's, I have no delusion of inheritance.  If I'm not strapped with several hundred grand in nursing home payments, I'll consider to have received a windfall.