Hang onto something, because I am NOT going to be kind.
First, we need a straight answer on whether or not your wife knows what kind of financial situation the two of you are in. Several people have asked and you haven't answered. That's a huge red flag, as is the fact that you're freaking out about the money that was taken out of your account, so I'm going to assume the answer is no. And even if she does know, then you two have clearly not talked about this in depth. So my first question is, why the heck did you marry someone you disrespect so much? People lie to their spouses when they're hiding alcohol and drug addictions. When they're hiding affairs. When they're hiding gambling problems. Do you really want your marriage lumped into those categories? You and your wife BOTH deserve to sit down together--every single night if necessary--and go over your finances. Together. You BOTH need to figure out what you're spending money on, why you're spending it, and what steps you need to take. THIS IS NOT A DRILL, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. YOU HAVE OUTSTANDING DEBT AND COLLECTIONS. If you don't respect your wife enough to take this step, then you're likely looking at divorce down the road. Hiding things from your spouse, being dishonest (even if what you're hiding is the extent of the problem, but she knows a little bit), is not respecting your spouse. Spending the way you two are doing doesn't happen by accident, and you need to hold yourselves/each other accountable.
Second, the thing that both of you most need to keep in mind is that YOU. ARE. PARENTS. It is your job to be the adults in this situation and NEITHER OF YOU IS. You spend like it's all play money. Want something? Buy it! Don't even think about it! What the fuck is wrong with you both? Those are not the actions of adults, that is how children interact with the world. Grow up and be the example that your kids need. Right now you are both TERRIBLE role models for them. Write that down and hang it up somewhere that you are going to see every day, because I think you need to let that sink in for a while. Really. What values do you want your kids to grow up with? Do you seriously want them to grow up thinking that spending money is their life's purpose? Even more, do you want them to grow up in a household dominated by anxiety, fear, and depression? Over fucking money? I have a hard time believing that that's really the atmosphere that you want for your kids but that is EXACTLY what you are creating. Your kids are picking up on your anxiety. Your kids are picking up on your spending habits. You are creating a LIFETIME of anxiety and poor habits for them through your behavior. Write that down and stick it up somewhere that you can read it every day. Remind yourself every fucking morning that YOU NEED TO BE A BETTER EXAMPLE FOR YOUR KIDS.
Third, if you don't hate yourself and your kids then you're damn well acting like it. The way you are eating is going to lead to your early death. Every time you want to go out for doughnuts or to Taco Bell or whatever, think about dying at 60. How old will your kids be? Will they be married, having kids? What parts of life will you miss out on? Will it be your grandkids who never really get to know Grandpa because he kicked the bucket at 60 due to heart problems and diabetes? This is not a joke. The way you're eating has major health consequences, and the ones to you are the least of them.
But it's not just YOU who gets to enjoy the health problems, you're also setting your kids up for a lifetime of poor health! Yay you! If you really want your kids to be dependent on insulin, or to develop heart problems at sickeningly young ages, then congratulations! That's exactly what you're doing! Since I think we're all assuming you don't want to do that, then stop feeding them shit food all the time. It's not even just about the money--although that is an OBSCENE amount of money to spend every month--it is also about your family's HEALTH. What's the price on that, for you? Is it maybe worth making the hard changes? Is it worth having the tough conversations? Or would you rather continue with the status quo and drop dead of a diet-and-anxiety related heart attack, leaving your family alone to deal with this financial shitshow without the sole earner? Do you want to have to take your kids to doctors all the time for their health problems? Is that how you want your kids to remember their childhoods, as a series of fast food and takeout punctuated by doctor's appointments? What a happy and fun childhood that sounds like!
Plenty of people have given you GREAT advice about how to start cooking at home. You're clearly not taking it. You have a house full of food but you were still at a drive-through? You managed to spend EVEN MORE money on food? What the actual fuck? It's like you're TRYING to make your situation worse. Stop it!
For reference, my family is in a similar situation to yours with a few caveats. Our mortgage is more expensive. We earn less. Preschool is slightly more expensive. I do work part-time (but am about to quit, since childcare costs more than I make per hour). But we manage to have a healthy emergency fund, and we have no debt other than our mortgage. We sock money away in our 401ks and investment accounts regularly. It's not unreasonable to think that you could do the same. What IS unreasonable is your INSANE belief that you're both "not making very much money" and that your lifestyle isn't extravagant as fuck. YOU ARE LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS, therefore you cannot afford your lifestyle. You need to make your lifestyle into something that works within the means at your disposal. You and your wife are the only ones that can do that. You need to become adults and, I'm sorry, but you need to do that right now because you have left yourself no other choice. Grow up, and fix the situation you've made for yourself. Talk to your wife. Think about what you're doing to your family, to your marriage, to your kids. Remind yourself every day that you are failing your kids, but you don't have to. You can change. And it will do all of you a lot of good.