Travel for a memorial-mixed emotions

[RosieTR]

I got word that a memorial service is going to be held for a friend of mine who died last week, and having some mixed emotions about it. He was one of my friends from middle school in CO, who eventually wound up in Phx when DH and I lived there, and that's where the service will be.

I feel like I should go, because this was a group of friends that stretches back >20 years and I still keep in close touch with several of them. So yeah, it would be a good sort of closure/bonding experience. But I dread going back to Phoenix, which is associated with little but bad memories from living there. I'm not sure what I'm asking for here....maybe a facepunch that I should put on my big girl panties and deal, maybe assurance that I'll regret missing it more than not, maybe a lecture on how Mustachianism isn't about using money as an excuse to be a coward or selfish? Anyway, thoughts appreciated, face punches included.

Actually, even just writing this out kinda helps. Thanks for listening.

[okits]

How far a drive is it?  Can you be in and out in a day?  Drive straight to the venue and leave for home from there?  Or some other way to minimize your time in and contact with the city (like staying overnight in the next town over, if it is an overnight trip?)

My condolences for your friend's passing.  :(

[pbkmaine]

Life is about showing up. Go.

[LeRainDrop]

I'm very sorry for your loss of your friend.  Yes, I think that it's time for the big girl panties and that you will be glad to reconnect with your old friends in person.  Food for thought:  http://www.npr.org/2005/08/08/4785079/always-go-to-the-funeral

[Dicey]

We're planning my dad's memorial service right now. One of the things we're looking forward to is seeing all the friends and family we have not seen in a while. It happened when my mom died and it was oddly comforting. We are planning a fun party, complete with Taco Bar and booze. We're happy mom & dad are reunited and they always loved a good party. Go, just go.

[Dicey]

I'm very sorry for your loss of your friend.  Yes, I think that it's time for the big girl panties and that you will be glad to reconnect with your old friends in person.  Food for thought:  http://www.npr.org/2005/08/08/4785079/always-go-to-the-funeral

OMG, I just followed this link. What a great article!  I forwarded it to all my sibs. Thanks LeRainDrop!

[Lmoot]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss Diane C (and OP). I love the idea of having a lighter social affair afterwards to celebrate your dad and connect with friends and family.

[RosieTR]

Thanks, all, especially LeRainDrop! Sorry for your loss, DianeC.

Okits, it's a 16hr drive each way so I'm trying to decide if I should drive or fly. Because I live ~1.5h from the local airport and would probably need to rent a car there (plus parking or a shuttle to airport from my house), I'm inclined to drive. Then I could possibly at least pick up some of the tail end of citrus season to bring back. And some local brews. It's also possible that one or more friends from here will want to join or have me pick them up at the airport. Although for me, solitude is nice and boy does the desert tend to give you that! Now that I have had a few days to think about it, I realize I will have more distance from the city now as a visitor so that part will probably be OK.

The service won't be some horrid sob thing in a church-more like a BBQ with beer and karaoke in the style of what he would have wanted. Still, it pretty much sucks when someone dies at 40 from a relatively common, highly treatable disease that he just couldn't afford all the meds and health care for, even while working full time and trying to start a business on the side.

[ltt]

Yes, go.  Showing up at a funeral/memorial means so much to the family.  It's not like you are moving back there, just going for a day or so.  Just go.  I'm thinking you can also fly Southwest if needed.