This is good. Not usually a fan of 'lists' like this but..

[FrugalFisherman10]

This is good. It's a list of the top 5 regrets of dying people.
I'm not usually a fan of 'lists' along these lines that feel like click-bait ("5 things He should never say", "8 things to get your life on track", "this 1 weird tip" etc.), but this is actually really powerful to hear and think through. Humbling, convicting, encouraging.

A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departed
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/03/top-5-regrets-of-the-dying_n_3640593.html


1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

[Miss Piggy]

#2 and #4 are true for me.

[Laura33]

Yeah, you know, I think of 1 and 2 a lot, but I also think it's partly a crock.  E.g., as a kid I always wanted to be a writer.  But I also grew up on Food Stamps and never wanted to be poor again.  So I ended up being a lawyer.  So now, when I think, gee, I wish I had stayed true to that original dream and been a writer, I am really thinking of the dream ("gee, I wish I had written the Great American Novel and was now a well-respected and well-paid author"), not the reality ("gee, I wish I had struggled to get by for years on what I could scrape together from freelance work while desperately seeking a publishing deal for that half-written manuscript in my desk drawer").  In reality, I was true to myself -- I was just true to the part of me that valued economic security over creativity.  Which was probably the right call, since I'm not particularly creative anyway.  :-)  And now that I am economically secure, I hope I have many years left to try to get back to more right-brain activities and scratch that itch too.

IOW, regretting what you didn't do undervalues what you did.  You chose X or Y or Z for a reason -- some part of you needed what that gave you.  Better to acknowledge and accept that and be proud of whatever you did accomplish instead of what you didn't. 

I think this also factors into 5, which I heartily agree with.  Life is a choice.  You control more than you think -- and even when you cannot control what happens to you, you always control how you react to it.  The single-most important thing I have learned in my 50 years on this planet is to actively look for the positive and force myself to be grateful, i.e., fake it till you make it.  It's ok and normal to be sad, angry, frustrated, etc., due to events beyond your control.  But if you get stuck there, that's on you.

[Just Joe]

"Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years."

Seen this one so many times. I had come to think it was a regional thing or a 2000's thing.

My grandparent's generation seemed to do a better job of spending time together - cookouts, card games, shopping, etc.

[dougules]

Number 4 seems pretty strongly linked to number 2, at least for me. 

[MrsPete]

I'd say 1, 3 and 5 are essentially the same thing ... or, are so closely related that they might as well be the same thing.  Since the concept is restated three times, perhaps it is the most important of the bunch? 

In reality, I was true to myself -- I was just true to the part of me that valued economic security over creativity.  Which was probably the right call, since I'm not particularly creative anyway.  :-)  And now that I am economically secure, I hope I have many years left to try to get back to more right-brain activities and scratch that itch too.

Did I write this?  I could have.  Many of us who grew up poor value security highly ... because we have lived without it.  While I occasionally am frustrated with my job (and the direction in which it's being forced), I know that I chose properly for myself. 

My grandparent's generation seemed to do a better job of spending time together - cookouts, card games, shopping, etc.

I think there's some truth in that statement.  As a child, I remember MANY family pot lucks out on the farm:  Tables made from sawhorses, everyone bringing his or her own chair.  I think a couple things have come into play since then:  With two-income families being the norm, we're all busier and no one has time to plan these things.  People seem to expect more; a simple soup-and-bread meal doesn't seem like enough for a get-together.  Finally, the internet.  All too many people's lives are online instead of in reality; I predict that'll be a regret of the dying in the future ... and I predict that today's young people will feel this even more strongly.

[aceyou]

I'll second #5. 

Happiness is a choice.  I need to stop beating myself up about some things and be happier sometimes.  I take myself too seriously sometimes. 

[dude]

I'd seen another of these lists by a nurse or the like, and I recall "I wish I hadn't worried so much" being the #1 regret.  Aged folks said it's only later in life they realized that all the worrying did absolutely nothing to change the outcome of whatever situation concerned them, and in fact, their worst fears about any given situation pretty well never came to pass. I've really tried to remember that every time I'm confronted with life's problems. At bottom, it's a Stoic position.

[andreamac]

Thank you for this post. It's a good reminder of what's really important in life and to not waste time on silly things. Lately, I've been worried, complaining about being pregnant (almost due) but I should be cherishing the movement of my baby, the way I have some free time before the baby comes and also looking forward to being a mom instead of being scared and worried all the time. Family and friends are really what matters most and I need to concentrate on that right now.

I also have a hard time with #4, making friends and keeping in touch. I need to work on that!

[Bateaux]

I'm guilty of all the above.  The worst is I lack the deep friendships I desire.   I have friends that I meet on occasion but we're all so busy.  Hope FIRE helps.