Things people told you and made you self conscious (as a result of your FI goal)

[Imma]

^Well, first, there's a difference between not having a lot of friends with similar goals to share FIRE ideas with and having friends who make you feel self conscious about your goals.

Also, you don't have to have the same goals as someone else for them to be able to understand and talk to you about them.

Sure, and it's not like I'm keeping my budding FIRE plans a secret from my friends. But they are just soooo far away from any plans any of my friends have, that it's not really meaningful to discuss them with them.

Talking about them with my "poor" friends would be a bit like rubbing their noses in it (yes, their spending habits are different from mine, but there are also differences in our health and relationship statuses -- I have been luckier than they have been). Whereas my high-earning, (probably) high-spending friends just wouldn't understand the concept at all, their eyes just glaze over when I even hint at wanting to retire early. Older friends and relatives seem to get a bit nervous and unnecessarily worried about my sanity and my family's future: they haven't done the math and don't realize it's possible.

As I mentioned, retiring early is not really an established concept here, not even for people winning the national lottery. Working until retirement age is seen as the (healthy, constructive, sensible) thing to do.

Most of my friends have similar demographics to me (age, education, background) and therefore I don't have many poor friends or high earning/high spending friends.

We've known many of our friends since highschool, and they generally grew up in similar circumstances (not all of them). But now we're in our 30s, our financial circumstances are different. There's a major gap between those who are part of a couple and those who are single or divorced, several of us including me have struggled with health issues (two survived cancer, which is a hassle when trying to get a mortgage) some have children and some don't. Two have special needs children that have required one of the parents to get a parttime job. A few are super ambitious and are climbing the career ladder. But everyone is kind to each other and the people with higher incomes haven't suddenly become spendypants.

[Ozlady]

What a strange statement ...for the record i am FI ...

As in, i am never self conscious of what others tell me (at least in the financial aspect of my life)...i run my own race...and i despise people who let themselves be affected by what others say as i see it as a form of control of one over another ...

And in a strange twist, some people are "embarrassed" by my lack of ostentatiousness...my driving a non Luxury car, live in a "modest-er" house, wear Modest clothes (jeans and t shirt mainly), carry non branded stuff...

It is made worse as some of them know my hubby's past life as a high corporate flyer...AND THEY are the ones who kill themselves by trying to keep up with the Jones...i make them uncomfortable (i think) although it is never my intention (see 1st para above)...

Case in point was one of the them is my hubby's subordinate ( and 2 levels down OMG!) and ... IT IS PRETTY UNCOMFORTABLE for the high maintenance wife to mingle with me...she knows she cannot brag in my presence :(!!

Ah..one can never win....

[Zhiantara]

A close friend used to really struggle to understand the concept that just because there's money in the account doesn't mean there's money to spend and was consistently behind on her bills, so handed over her money to MyBudget to mange (in her defence she was raised by parents who bought whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, funded by economic outpatient care, so she had no good role models. She wanted to be responsible, just couldn't quite make it happen)

After a few years she decided to take back control of her money to avoid the $40/month management fee but ran into the same problems, so asked me for help. I made a comprehensive list of her expenses and explained how sinking funds worked, gave her a simple, editable budget and showed her how to play around with the numbers so that she could make her own decisions about how she spent as long as all the numbers equalled above zero. Then stepped back and just answered any questions she had.

Then one day she said 'You're into money, and that's fine, but I'm not', in a tone of voice that made it clear that it was not fine. Absolutely felt self-conscious about that comment - do people really see me that way? As far as I'm concerned, I'm not into money, I'm into not running out of money.

Am I self-conscious that I own only 3 pairs of work pants, one pair of everyday shoes and mismatched crockery from the op-shop? Not in the slightest. People comment, but I'm confident in my choices.