The Middle of the Road

[SavinMaven]

Where will lifestyle inflation make a major difference in my happiness, and where will it be a waste of money? Where is "being frugal" something that brings me peace of mind, and where is "I can't afford to visit my family for Christmas" causing me stress? What constitutes spending a "reasonable" amount of money? I'm haunting this forum to find out. - Kelvin

I've been lurking just long enough to know the topic is face-punch-worthy to some - to those hardy souls, I salute you! But I am truly not made of the same cloth, and am looking for my own way to freedom. Which for me, includes freedom from DIY on major projects (I'm a complete klutz), freedom from enduring the last year of a car's life (been there, done that too many times), and freedom from sweating every penny.

My work brings me into close contact with people who are near death, and that, too, motivates me to think about dollars less and freedom more. The freedom to retire early, sure, but not so early that I lost the freedom to hire a cleaning service... because it really does make me happy to live a life that doesn't include scrubbing the toilet.

I was happy to read Kelvin's post, quoted above, on a different thread, and hope s/he doesn't mind my sharing it here to kick off this discussion. Looking to learn from like-minded others how they figured out for themselves what was and wasn't worth spending money on.

[Vindicated]

You need to experiment with your comfort level, and see what feels right for you.

You may reallllly prefer to get your dog professionally groomed.  You do not want to wash your dog, because it's a hassle and he gets water everywhere, and keeps trying to jump out of the tub, and hair clogs the drain, and blah blah blah.

THEN you come home from work to discover that he got into something and is a complete mess, but the groomer is closed, and you have to bite the bullet.  You take him to the nearby pet store that has a dog-wash, and for $10 you use their facilities, shampoo, towel, etc, and you're there and back in 30 minutes.

All of a sudden, you might realize that you will never pay $50 to have him groomed again.*

This was me yesterday.

You need to optimize, and continue to work at optimizing further.  Find out where it hurts, and pull back.  You'll start to cut things out that you can do yourself, or do for cheaper.

You'll continue to find ways to optimize, just like I did yesterday.

*I previously got him groomed 3-4 times a year.  Now, I will just bathe him when he stinks at the local pet store.

[evensjw]

For me there are 2 guiding principles:

1. Having the freedom to quit my job if I want.  I'm just about at that point now where I have enough of a stash, low enough financial commitments and enough side income that I would feel comfortable walking away from my job without knowing exactly what was going to come next.  I heard from other people that your outlook on your job can really change when you are in this situation, and it is certainly true for me.  I decided to just do the things at work that I wanted to do, and my bosses could let me know if it was a problem.  Instead, they are really happy that I thought outside the box and want me to keep doing it.  Win-win!  Of course, the final goal is to be able to quit my job without needing to ever find a new one, but honestly I'm happy to wait, since my job provides me with a certain amount of fulfillment and personal development.

2. Having control over where my money goes.  Research has shown that being financially insecure induces a level of stress that impairs people's ability to make decisions, which I think accounts for a lot of people bad financial choices, along with a manipulative marketing culture.  The great think about the shockingly simple math of early retirement is that you can fairly easily work out what impact your spending choices are going to have.

The only word of warning I have is that it is easy to go soft.  I think its a good idea to have at least a few areas of your life where you make an effort instead of just paying money (So in your example you would rather pay for cleaning, DIY and to drive a newer car, but perhaps you like to cook your own meals, plan cheap vacations and walk or cycle for short trips).

On a personal note, I just started using a cleaning service.  At first I was ashamed for spending a pretty decent chunk of money every month, just to clean.  But now a couple of months later I've realized how happy I am.  It's not so much that I don't have to clean - there's still plenty of chores and sometimes I quite like to have a good tidy up.  What is really making me happy is that the house is so much cleaner than I every would have got it on my own.  I mean this lady is a professional.  Next week she's going to gloss my floors!  How great is that?!  To think I've spent 10 years being miserable because I'd been lead to believe that hiring a cleaner was terrible financial choice.

[Laura33]

Basically, you figure out what matters and what doesn't by screwing it up.  Try, fail, learn, try again.  If you are conscious and pay attention, you can pick up on the patterns.

E.g., I still remember a rug I did not buy in Turkey, because I was in college and $250 was a lot of money at the time.  I still wish I had bought it.  10 years later when I fell in love with a piece of art in Greece on my honeymoon, I bought it even though I thought it was too much and DH had to tote it around the rest of the trip, and that puppy has had pride of place in every home we have owned.  But I also remember how happy I am with a new car, and how that excitement fades after about the first 6 mos. or a year when the newness fades away.  Ergo, special, unique things that I fall in love with are probably worth it; things that are appealing because they are bright/shiny/new are not.

Services:  I have services clean my house and do my lawn care, both because of allergies/asthma and because we are busy and I hate that shit.  OTOH, I am a good cook, and I had gotten too reliant on takeout and hot dogs and other quick/easy crap.  And I started to feel bad -- like when you do something that you know is wrong but you do it anyway.  So I finally listened to that inner voice and am re-upping my game on that front, re-imposing some standards, cutting back on the spend, taking more time to plan and do.  And I can already feel those muscles coming back.  It feels good, which tells me I'm on the right track.

[Much Fishing to Do]

I place the focus on the big things and that doesn't completely answer your question but does help me.  Big things come in a few basic types...they cost a significant amount of money or they cost a fair amount of money PER MONTH (which man can add up fast), and they are splurges or necessities or huge time-savers or little time savers, etc.  Even something as simple as the cup of coffee thing.  I never feel bad about buying a $3 cup of coffee because it only comes up in my routine like 3 times a year, its just nothing to worry about.  I do everything around the house but absolutely hate plumbing....something that I'm gonna spend all weekend on I'll hire someone to do, its just a rare occurrence.  But even if I hated housecleaning, the weekly/monthly whatever cost would really add up. Best way for to look at any of these repeating expenses for me is as how much of a stache is needed to create an income to pay for that.  Once I know my $9/year coffee habit is only costing me $200 in stache, but a regular house cleaner at even just $80/mth would cost me $24k of stache (thats 5% of a $500k stache!), the choices become a lot easier.

[sisto]

There has been some good stuff written here. I think like others have already mentioned everyone is different, you have to find what works for you. I will say though, that true growth only ever happens when you are forced outside your comfort zone. You should try to do at least one big DIY project in your lifetime, maybe for some that starts with some smaller projects, but there is no greater feeling of accomplishment. You will feel amazing while saving a ton of money by doing it yourself. I also agree with Laura33 some of it is purely going to be trial and error, but again that is a learning experience. That experience can't be purchased, it's earned. It's all about finding that balance of maximizing happiness at the lowest cost.

[dougules]

I think it comes down to what is and what isn't worth working longer for you.  The problem, though, is that people tend to be bad at judging what's really going to make them happy. 

[FI4good]

I make consumer choices all the time .

I try to make them as informed and as environmentally friendly choices i can, i try to eschew palm oil, i don't eat animals, i like to support low food miles where i can.

Most of my music, games and entertainment purchases are downloads and don't physically exist, news, books, films , tv . 

80% of my clothes are second hand.

Synthesisers are a weakness but most of those are second hand,

I do spend a bit on paintings/art every couple of years, smaller works by top flight artists , cheers me up every day when i look at them and isn't a complete waste of money . It helps support the life and living of artists i like and it gives them the freedom to be creative and make beautiful imaginative things .

I feel my choices are as intelligent and low impact on this world as i can reasonably make them with the knowledge , money and desires i have whilst maintaining a 50%+ savings rate .     

[Slinky]

For material objects, I tend to evaluate utility. Do I need it? What does it do that something I already have does not? Can I modify or fix something I already have for less than buying something new? Assuming there is an actual need, I look at the different options that meet my needs. Is Thing A actually better than Thing B? Does whatever is better about it actually benefit me? Does it benefit me enough and will I use it enough to justify the extra expense? This only works if one is actually honest with oneself. It helps quite a lot to simply make a policy not to buy anything you haven't already decided that you needed BEFORE stepping foot in a store or shopping online.

For other purchases, it usually comes down to priorities and how much I value something. Is going to the movies more important or valuable to me than retiring early? No. However, I do still sometimes go to the movies because I value my husband's happiness more than early retirement and he enjoys going to the movies from time to time. On the other hand, I buy books. A life without books is no life at all! If I could retire right now, but never read another book again, I would choose books.

[Sarah Saverdink]

I'm with you. DH and I are working towards financial independence within the next 10 years, but our agreement is that we want to spend enough now (and in retirement) to do the things we love and live a comfortable lifestyle. For us, that includes travelling the world, skiing, scuba diving... We're high income earners (both engineers) and have a very comfortable lifestyle, BUT we're currently saving >50% of our take-home income and feel that is a good balance between spending/saving. We're very frugal in some areas (restaurants, entertainment, personal care, clothing...) and splurge in other areas.

We recently rolled up our planned 2017 budget (http://www.saverdinks.com/blog/2017-saverdinks-monthly-budget/) and... it's not Mustachian. at all. But we conscientiously focus the money we do spend on items/experiences that provide the most personal satisfaction. Due to our higher planned expenses in retirement, our targeted nest egg is a lot bigger than many on this forum. I still love many of the concepts that everyone discusses on this forum as they work towards financial freedom and hope to find a balance between extreme frugality and comfort/targeted luxuries.