The colossal waste that is a baby shower.

[Giro]

So I went to a baby shower and picked up a few items that she had on her register.  My first thought was that she seemed very frugal and had almost all low priced necessities. 

When I got go the shower, I noticed that it was pretty big.  They had rented a park shelter and it was really nice.  There were about 45 people or so.  She opened gifts for a solid hour.  She seemed extremely uncomfortable and I know her very very well.  When she was finally finished, she had stacks and stacks of stuff.  She texted me and told me there were almost 80 outfits.  I noticed that she was opening gift bags that sometimes contained 7-8 outfits.  What do you do with 80 outfits?  I suggested returning a majority of the clothing.  She said she'd been shopping garage sales all summer and didn't put clothing on her registry.  She was a bit concerned that there were no gift receipts.  Well yea. 

Anyway, holy crap.  I've never seen so much stuff for a little person.  She said she filled her spare room with the gifts.  She plans to go thru it and try and figure out what to do. 

Just seems so wasteful.  She shouldve just set up a 529 and asked people to contribute instead.  Idk if you can do that but seems more useful than this. 

[PharmaStache]

Yeah, I know it's bad to be ungrateful for gifts, but it SUCKS to get a million baby clothes.  In my area, it seems like that's the only thing people ever give, even if you suggest other things when asked! 

My favourite gift was a bunch of feeding stuff for when our baby was a bit older.  I usually give books, and people look grateful that they didn't just open another outfit :)

[MsPeacock]

Well, the thing to do is leave the tags on (if they have them) and haul that stuff back to Babies-R-Us, Target, Walmart, etc. and return as possible.

With first babies it can be a real boon to have a shower and get things you need - because it can be overwhelming. Traditionally, showers are not given after the first baby. (But you know how that goes - plenty of people out there having showers for #3 and onward). IME, the books also recommend as huge excess beyond what you actually need. You just don't know until you actually have the baby in your hands and have to figure out your own routine and how to deal with the day-to-day. Some babies like swings, some hate them, some babies like excersaucers, some hate them, some babies need 2 months worth of newborn sized clothes, other need 6mo. sized clothes from day one.

Presumably none of the guests got together and planned to give multiple outfits. I think outfits become a sort of "add on" gift when you bought a baby bathtub or a diaper genie or whatever. Like, the clothes are much cuter. If she can't return them then she can either try to sell them on ebay or craigslist as a wholesale lot/bundle or she can donate them to a women's shelter.

A 529 would be great, of course - but considered crass to ask for "cash" in the place of gifts *shrugs* - she can start a 529 with whatever she gets from returns. I opened my son's first account when he was about 1 month old!

[obstinate]

Normally you don't invite enough people to fill a park shelter. You invite ten to fifteen close girlfriends. There is a cake. The total amount of money spent is not so much.

[Giro]

Normally you don't invite enough people to fill a park shelter. You invite ten to fifteen close girlfriends. There is a cake. The total amount of money spent is not so much.

I would think so also.  But this is the first grand baby on both sides.  The family is crazy excited.  I can't blame anyone for inviting that many when everyone just wants to celebrate.  It was pretty sweet playing the games and listening to everyone talk about getting their hands on that little one.  All babies should be so loved. 

[justajane]

I always buy 12 month clothing for the next year, since people give so much for the newborns. I say, "I know you think your baby will never be this big, but they will grow into these still teeny tiny clothes very quickly."

[wordnerd]

She can save the unused outfits for all the baby showers she'll inevitably be invited to over the next several years. :)

[iris lily]

People give baby clothes because they are super cute  and fun to buy. And when I buy them, I also buy 12-18 months size.

[Dicey]

One can always get around this by requesting things like diapers. Whether one plans to use cloth or disposables, there never seem to be enough. Since she knew 45 people were attending, and presumably others were invited but couldn't attend, perhaps this "problem" could have been anticipated. I'd recommend finding an upscale consignment shop. Things with price tags still on them command premium prices, 'cause people like to buy them for gifts...

[Giro]

One can always get around this by requesting things like diapers. Whether one plans to use cloth or disposables, there never seem to be enough. Since she knew 45 people were attending, and presumably others were invited but couldn't attend, perhaps this "problem" could have been anticipated. I'd recommend finding an upscale consignment shop. Things with price tags still on them command premium prices, 'cause people like to buy them for gifts...

Her husband had a baby-q at the same time.  I guess it's where the guys go while the women are at the shower.  The entrance price is a pack of diapers.  She's also a big couponer and has been stocking up. 

I think it's wonderful that they have gotten quite a bit for the baby, I just think the clothes seem like a waste.  A baby dosent care and we have so much trash in this country.  I'm going to help her Google the brands to give an indication of the purchase place and return without receipt. 

[Dicey]

One can always get around this by requesting things like diapers. Whether one plans to use cloth or disposables, there never seem to be enough. Since she knew 45 people were attending, and presumably others were invited but couldn't attend, perhaps this "problem" could have been anticipated. I'd recommend finding an upscale consignment shop. Things with price tags still on them command premium prices, 'cause people like to buy them for gifts...

Her husband had a baby-q at the same time.  I guess it's where the guys go while the women are at the shower.  The entrance price is a pack of diapers.  She's also a big couponer and has been stocking up. 

I think it's wonderful that they have gotten quite a bit for the baby, I just think the clothes seem like a waste.  A baby dosent care and we have so much trash in this country.  I'm going to help her Google the brands to give an indication of the purchase place and return without receipt.

Baby-Q, that's hilarious! And for the record, I agree with you 100% about babies not caring. Just ask serpentstooth. It seems Babytooth is an equal opportunity barfer. She doesn't care what she's wearing.

[Dicey]

One can always get around this by requesting things like diapers. Whether one plans to use cloth or disposables, there never seem to be enough. Since she knew 45 people were attending, and presumably others were invited but couldn't attend, perhaps this "problem" could have been anticipated. I'd recommend finding an upscale consignment shop. Things with price tags still on them command premium prices, 'cause people like to buy them for gifts...

Her husband had a baby-q at the same time.  I guess it's where the guys go while the women are at the shower.  The entrance price is a pack of diapers.  She's also a big couponer and has been stocking up. 

I think it's wonderful that they have gotten quite a bit for the baby, I just think the clothes seem like a waste.  A baby dosent care and we have so much trash in this country.  I'm going to help her Google the brands to give an indication of the purchase place and return without receipt.

Baby-Q, that's hilarious! And for the record, I agree with you 100% about babies not caring. Just ask serpentstooth. It seems Babytooth is an equal opportunity barfer. She doesn't care what she's wearing.

Babytooth is very discriminating. She prefers to barf on mummy's good clothes and only her really cute sleepers. Daddy's outfit right before he leaves for the office is also acceptable.

Oh, I should have known. She is lucky that she has such wonderfully understanding parents.

[okits]

People give baby clothes because they are super cute  and fun to buy. And when I buy them, I also buy 12-18 months size.

Exactly this. (Pre-parenthood I didn't really know better.)

I offer to buy from registry, give college money, or pick my own useful item.  In the future I think it will be a Nose Frieda (overpriced, extremely unsexy, and a lifesaver should your baby ever become too congested to sleep well.  Yes, you can clear baby mucous using your mouth for free, but I'm not frugal enough to even consider that.)

ETA: I have heard of Grandma showers, where Grandma gets gifts (like a crib, toys, change table) for when baby and parents visit. Totally co-opting the baby's arrival as an excuse to have a party, get presents, and be the center of attention.  I've also heard of baby showers with dozens of guests the parents have never met (friends of the grandparents.)  It's out of control, by that point.

[Villanelle]

I almost never give clothes, and if I see an outfit that I feel compelled to buy, I get it in 12mo or larger. 

I typically buy something from the registry that seems practical, or get them a gift card at their registry store.  Let them figure out what they need.  It's not the sexiest gift and won't get the most "Awwwwwww"s at the shower, but it actually helps the family in a real way.

[lakemom]

Suggest that if there are no gift receipts she take the outfits back to exchange for larger sizes.  This is presuming you can figure out from the tags which stores they came from.  Also putting some aside for subsequent children is a good idea particularly if she has a hand full of gender neutral outfits.

[justajane]

Suggest that if there are no gift receipts she take the outfits back to exchange for larger sizes.  This is presuming you can figure out from the tags which stores they came from.  Also putting some aside for subsequent children is a good idea particularly if she has a hand full of gender neutral outfits.

This is a great idea! Without receipts she is not likely to get the full value of the item. And this way the clothing will actually come in handy.

If you save the items to regift, make a note of who gave what so that you don't regift the item to the person who gave it or their close relative ;).

[midweststache]

I almost never give clothes, and if I see an outfit that I feel compelled to buy, I get it in 12mo or larger. 

I typically buy something from the registry that seems practical, or get them a gift card at their registry store.  Let them figure out what they need.  It's not the sexiest gift and won't get the most "Awwwwwww"s at the shower, but it actually helps the family in a real way.

For a long time I was simply writing checks as gifts to all showers--wedding, baby--but then I found people don't know how to function with checks and they would get lost/never deposited/deposited six months after the fact. So now I give straight cash or gift cards. You're right; it's not awe-inspiring, but it's the practical gift that I would want. And if they're anti-consumerist for their child, the Target Gift Card can handle the house's toilet paper needs for the rest of the year or something...

[I'm a red panda]

I know everyone told me not to register for clothes because they will appear out of thin air.  80 outfits! WOW!

I always just do a Target gift card for showers. The parents can buy what they need.

[Money Mouse]

I think it really just depends on the circle of friends/family we're talking about. I had a shower for my DD thrown by my friends about 4 years ago now. First off, the tradition in my group of friends is to hold the shower in the home of the expectant mother, so she doesn't need to haul home a shit-ton of gifts. I love that we do this, it saved DH and I the trouble of getting our small sedan loaded (probably would have required several trips as some of the boxes were pretty big, like the car seat box). 

So we had the party at my house, all I had to do was to have DH bring up the folding chairs and tables from the basement, my friends all came over about 1 hour before the party to set up. They brought all the food and decorations.  As for gifts, everyone stuck to what was on the registry. I did get a handful of outfits but nothing over the top, it nicely complemented things I'd already purchased.  I did get a few hand-knitted baby blankets, which I loved (and one DD still uses as on of her blankies). I think I got a few gift cards too, which was nice.

All in all, I got exactly what I needed/wanted with very little (maybe zero?) items needing to be returned.  I think there were only maybe 4 things I bought/was given prior to DD's arrival that we wound up not using. I spent a lot of time considering what our "new normal" was likely to be and bought/registered only for things I was fairly sure we'd wind up wanting/needing. And really I have to say it all worked out very well!

[coppertop]

I am a grandmother, and I have to say that I can't get used to the idea of the person being feted being "in" on the planning - when I had my kids 30 to 35 years ago, showers were given by someone NOT a relative of the mother-to-be or the bride-to-be, as it was considered tacky to be asking for gifts. 

Shower gifts have also gotten a lot more elaborate over the years.  Where "back in the day" (how I hate saying that, as if I were an octogenarian) shower gifts were quite modest, today they often cost $50 per person and more.  I remember opening packages of bibs or receiving blankets and thinking that was a nice gift; now you look cheap if you aren't giving an appliance or something. 

[Lis]

A friend of mine just attended a 'sprinkle,' which is a shower for baby #2 or beyond. This particular sprinkle was for baby #3. The reasoning? It wouldn't be fair if only one baby got a shower and the other two were left out! (Babies #1 and #2 were not in attendance, because it wouldn't be appropriate.)

My friend made the cake for the sprinkle and I think picked up a blanket or something, but she agreed it was ridiculous. She wouldn't have gone if it wasn't her best friend from childhood.

[fitfrugalfab]

She can save the unused outfits for all the baby showers she'll inevitably be invited to over the next several years. :)

That's an awesome idea, I plan on keeping that in mind for the future.

[oinkette]

After shopping around for an hour to get a specific onesie set by a particular brand in a particular color and coming up empty, I decided I will NEVER again go by the registry for baby showers or weddings.  Everyone gets a Target gift card.  Most seem to love it. The first time I did it the mom callled me personally to thank me since everything else was for the baby and she used it completely for herself.

[acroy]

Whew, first world problems! haha!!
Keep what you like, gift or donate the rest, take a tax break, and thank everyone for their generosity.

[I'm a red panda]

The first time I did it the mom callled me personally to thank me since everything else was for the baby and she used it completely for herself.

Wow- that would annoy me.  I'm sure lots of people do this, but I sure wouldn't want to be TOLD that.

(It's why for some people we give savings bonds in the baby's name instead of a check or gift card. Because I think the check is going to go towards frivolous stuff for the parents, not things/savings for the baby. Others I know they'll buy diapers or put money in a 529, so it's easier than buying the bond.)

[Dicey]

The first time I did it the mom callled me personally to thank me since everything else was for the baby and she used it completely for herself.

Wow- that would annoy me.  I'm sure lots of people do this, but I sure wouldn't want to be TOLD that.

(It's why for some people we give savings bonds in the baby's name instead of a check or gift card. Because I think the check is going to go towards frivolous stuff for the parents, not things/savings for the baby. Others I know they'll buy diapers or put money in a 529, so it's easier than buying the bond.)

I would have no problems with that. I have even given mom baskets at showers where I knew the baby was getting a ton of gifts from other people. The best was when I was a consumer product rep and could swap samples with other reps. Huge cases of diapers and baskets of full-sized baby products for no cash outlay? Oh, yes. please.

[Scandium]

Correction : large party with too many gifts is wasteful.

I don't see how this is something inherent to baby showers. My wife had 12 people and we got stuff we needed but didn't have to buy, pretty efficient of you ask me..

[okits]

The first time I did it the mom callled me personally to thank me since everything else was for the baby and she used it completely for herself.

Wow- that would annoy me.  I'm sure lots of people do this, but I sure wouldn't want to be TOLD that.

(It's why for some people we give savings bonds in the baby's name instead of a check or gift card. Because I think the check is going to go towards frivolous stuff for the parents, not things/savings for the baby. Others I know they'll buy diapers or put money in a 529, so it's easier than buying the bond.)

I would have no problems with that. I have even given mom baskets at showers where I knew the baby was getting a ton of gifts from other people. The best was when I was a consumer product rep and could swap samples with other reps. Huge cases of diapers and baskets of full-sized baby products for no cash outlay? Oh, yes. please.

This sounds amazing. Gift baskets always look less costly than they actually are. You achieved the reverse!

[Sibley]

I have a standard baby present. Still working on the standard wedding present.

Everyone gets a package of white onesies, not the small size. I don't do pink or blue, what happens when the doctor gets it wrong? I used to try for generic colors, but gave up and went to white when I ended up spending way to much time looking and not finding anything other than green and yellow dinosaurs. Apparently, lots of people get pissed when you give dinosaurs to a baby girl. White works.

People I like get Huggies, size 2. I had a friend who had 3 kids, all 10 pounds and up. Huggies are decent, not horribly expense.

[RunHappy]

I hadn't planned on having a baby shower, but my SO's family "surprised" me with one.  I was glad to spend time and visit with everyone but I would have been so much happier without all the presents. 

We got a TON of clothes from newborn to 18 months.  I'm glad to have a wide variety of sizes but babies outgrow clothes so fast!  What I really would have loved was books to read to the baby.  Despite the piles of baby stuff, we received ONE book! 

@Sibley - I'm with you!  I'm personally not a fan of pink and my favorite color is turquoise.   I get so sick of all the pink-wash that is forced upon girls.  I would have LOVED an outfit with a dinosaur on it.

[I'm a red panda]

I would have no problems with that. I have even given mom baskets at showers where I knew the baby was getting a ton of gifts from other people.

I've given gifts to Moms too. But, to me, a baby shower gift is a baby gift.

I'm not certain I'm having a shower, but if I do- and the hosts let me make any requests (for the most part- it seems that a shower is completely out of the Mom's control, so the idea of 'keep it small' isn't necessarily the Mom's fault!)- I'm hoping for books or diapers.

[mm1970]

So I went to a baby shower and picked up a few items that she had on her register.  My first thought was that she seemed very frugal and had almost all low priced necessities. 

When I got go the shower, I noticed that it was pretty big.  They had rented a park shelter and it was really nice.  There were about 45 people or so.  She opened gifts for a solid hour.  She seemed extremely uncomfortable and I know her very very well.  When she was finally finished, she had stacks and stacks of stuff.  She texted me and told me there were almost 80 outfits.  I noticed that she was opening gift bags that sometimes contained 7-8 outfits.  What do you do with 80 outfits?  I suggested returning a majority of the clothing.  She said she'd been shopping garage sales all summer and didn't put clothing on her registry.  She was a bit concerned that there were no gift receipts.  Well yea. 

Anyway, holy crap.  I've never seen so much stuff for a little person.  She said she filled her spare room with the gifts.  She plans to go thru it and try and figure out what to do. 

Just seems so wasteful.  She shouldve just set up a 529 and asked people to contribute instead.  Idk if you can do that but seems more useful than this.

Yeah, you don't want to be ungrateful BUT -

The point is that you are supposed to be thankful and appreciative of a gift.  You know "it's the thought that counts."  And those little outfits are so cute.  I mean really.  I honestly never actually BOUGHT any, because I have boys.  And I got boatloads of hand me downs.  But my friends have girls.  I never bought them dresses either, but I did buy gift cards.

So I hate showers and being the center of attention. My boys are 6 years apart.  I thought I'd dodged a second shower, but nope.  My coworker just threw one anyway, with all the other coworkers (90% men, yay me).  But there were mostly practical things there because we'd gotten rid of everything in between.

Honestly, if I were her, I'd try and return some stuff (figure out where it's from).  Otherwise, sort it by size and by season.  Do NOT take the tags off.  When your kid is a certain size, take the tags off and use it. She'll find at least half of the outfits are never worn.  But at least they will still have the tags.  So she can sell online, at a garage sale, at a consignment store, OR save them for other friends who have babies.

I get bags and buckets of hand me downs from friends, and often I find that my kids blew right through a size before realizing it, so I donate. 

[sky_northern]

In my family we do showers after the baby is born and it's mostly an excuse to show off the baby. I think I had about 30 people at mine? Babytooth got some outfits in bigger sizes, a couple handmade quilts, and a lot of really nice books. Nice books are great, BTW. I like having a really pretty edition of Beatrix Potter; the one I had gotten from a book sale was paperback and the pictures were small.

Where I live baby showers are only done after baby is born. I like it that way because then you actually get to see the baby!

[frooglepoodle]

She can save the unused outfits for all the baby showers she'll inevitably be invited to over the next several years. :)

That's an awesome idea, I plan on keeping that in mind for the future.

That's what I did with everything I couldn't return (my mother threw me a HUGE shower - there were at least 5 friends of hers in attendance who I'd never even met before). My boy was born too big for newborn clothes and outgrew 0-3 month sizes by the time he was 6 weeks old.

I have a shower coming up for a friend who is expecting her third child (but first girl). She used a universal registry and asked for secondhand baby clothes. I knew I liked her!