Author Topic: The best money thing Mom taught you...  (Read 7812 times)

MMM98

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The best money thing Mom taught you...
« on: January 08, 2016, 03:48:12 PM »
I' ll go first:

As a all knowing 15 year old I told my working Mom what a terrible cook she was.  She kept her cool and said "You start cooking tommorow for the family."  I did and went on to meal planning and grocery shopping. Cooking from scratch was always emphasized.  I kept at it until I left for college three years later.  The skill has saved me tens of thousands and has impressed my wife.

Thanks Mom.


ender

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2016, 03:54:41 PM »
My mom grew up very poor on a farm and then her 20s were not a ton better.

She saw the value of work.

TheNick

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2016, 04:02:40 PM »
The most important thing my mom taught me was to never get married.  After watching my dad waste his whole life working to support a family, just to get hung out to dry by divorce after my brother and I moved out of the house, I would never make the same mistake he did.  Thanks mom!

Helvegen

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2016, 05:22:28 PM »
Whatever she does with money, run screaming and do the opposite.

MMM98

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2016, 05:26:01 PM »
The most important thing my mom taught me was to never get married.  After watching my dad waste his whole life working to support a family, just to get hung out to dry by divorce after my brother and I moved out of the house, I would never make the same mistake he did.  Thanks mom!

If that is your lesson it is half complete: you should also not have children.  They are expensive.

Alternatepriorities

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2016, 06:05:33 PM »
The most important thing my mom taught me was to never get married.  After watching my dad waste his whole life working to support a family, just to get hung out to dry by divorce after my brother and I moved out of the house, I would never make the same mistake he did.  Thanks mom!

My parents divorced when I was 12 and I saw pretty much the same thing for the next 13 years. My dad worked his butt off to support himself and his kids. Even when there were two kids living him and two with her he still paid thousands in child support borrowing money when he had to. When my mom falsely accused him of not paying the state threatened to take his house without bothering to investigate her claim. He'd sent them copies of every check stub three times before they finally figured out he really had paid her.

My mom was no mustachian and by the time I was 18 months out of college she was about to lose her house (where my younger sisters still lived). My brother and I bought the house directly from the bank so they wouldn't get evicted. My mom died the next year so we sold it for a nice profit we then shared with our sisters. My sisters figured out pretty quickly that our dad was nothing like they'd been told. That was about 10 years ago. My dad is now debt free and retired with a small side business he enjoys and four adult children who love him.

It sounds like your dad has a good work ethic and at least one of his kids knows it. Hopefully he will be alright again before too long. I can't recommend letting you mom's actions dictate your future though. Personally, I wish I'd moved on faster.

mustachianteacher

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2016, 06:41:22 PM »
My mom was the one who instilled in me that, with hard work, careful planning, and good choices, anyone could be wealthy. (She also insisted we say "wealthy," not "rich"!) She also impressed upon me that a woman should always know what's going on with the money -- never leave that to the husband.

She came from a very poor background in Europe. Neither of her parents went to school beyond middle school, and both worked blue-collar jobs. My mom was the first in her family to attend college -- she did so against her parents' advice and wishes -- and then she and my dad married and moved off to America. Both were hell-bent on making it work because they didn't want to be shamed by their families for moving so far away, so I think she was always determined to make the money work, no matter what. Even after my parents divorced and my mom basically had to start over, she made it work and everything she has now, she has earned through hard work, careful planning, and good choices.

bleumanchu

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2016, 07:31:40 PM »
My mother grew up overseas on a farm in a developing country. She taught me a lot about frugality from a young age, and that that x-dollars earned equates to y-hours worked, and to to therefore value my time and money. What she didn't teach me was jack-all about compound interest, and it took some painful personal lessons to understand it in both its negative and positive implications on my finances.

naturelover

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2016, 08:25:43 PM »
When I got my first credit card at 19, my mom told me to never put anything on it that
I didn't have the cash to pay for. That piece of advice always stuck with me. More than 20 years later, I've paid off my balance in full every month. I'm so thankful for never having been sucked into the downward spiral of credit card debt. I credit my mom's advice for starting me off on the straight and narrow.

LeRainDrop

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2016, 08:34:58 PM »
My mom taught me the mechanics of depositing money into my savings account at the bank, maintaining the account register, and using the ATM.  She taught me the principles of saving your money and growing interest.  Outside of that, the biggest "money thing" I remember learning from my mom was, "Don't tell your father!"  We'd go shopping for back-to-school or something and then leave some of the purchases in our car trunk to sneak inside the house later when dad wasn't watching.  Eek!

dontwannaworkforever

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2016, 10:15:25 PM »
My parents are terrible when it comes to money and they absolutely taught me nothing except for the grand lesson of what NOT to do. Not joking lol...

okits

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2016, 10:57:44 PM »
To be financially self-sufficient.  Have your own qualifications, career, earning power, and pension.  Her having all those things gave the family (and her) a significant (and ongoing) safety net.  I know it was hard, at times (especially when we kids were young), and I admire her for toughing it out.

Zamboni

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2016, 11:26:49 PM »
. . . how to avoid spending money and still have an awesome life of free fun. This included libraries, museums, free local concerts, making our own music, listening to the radio, card games, etc.

. . . how to always live a frugal life, pay off the credit card in full each month, and never ever ever take a "2nd mortgage," which was branded as the last resort of the financially desperate on their way to losing the farm to the evil bank. This was actually the main money philosophy difference between my parents, and it is one reason mom is long retired and dear old dad never will retire due to debt.

. . . how to cook/bake and use up every last bit of in food including the liver, the bones, and the Halloween pumpkin.

. . . how to give generously to others without being stupid about it.

FausseBourgeoise

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2016, 12:03:05 AM »
I was never into pursuing education for the money, but mom taught me that education comes first, and that I should get enough education to secure a job good enough to sustain myself and two kids if need be.

She said that with every degree [someone?] acquired, their salary doubled, and it ended up being true for me.

mxt0133

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2016, 01:00:34 AM »
Money wise my mom started me and brother on an allowance at a early age, when I was about 8 years old.  Every time I wanted a toy or something that was purely a want I had to use my own money.  I remember doing the math on how long it would take me save up for a remote controlled helicopter one time and it worked out to something like two and a half years, I recall getting $2 a week at the time.  Looking back my mom was working three jobs just to pay rent and buy food, so an allowance for kids really was a luxury.  She never shamed us for wanting expensive toys, she just left it up to us to figure out a way to get want we want.  I guess that is why I don't have an entitlement mentality.  I don't feel like anybody owes me anything, my parents are not obligated to pay for college or leave me with an in inheritance.  I feel a greater sense of achievement by earning what I have vs having it handed to me.   

Something else my mother taught me about money was that you have to work to get what you want.  Things were not just going to magically happen for you, if you want something it was only a matter of how bad you wanted it that will determine if you get it or not.  She lead by example, she wanted a better future for her kids, so she move to the US by herself on a work visa for two years until she saved enough money to pay for our trip to the US and earn residency status.  From there she worked multiple jobs and went back to school to get a better paying job until my dad came.  Seeing that as I was growing up was more powerful that any lecture or advice I have ever gotten.

Miss Prim

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2016, 06:05:20 AM »
My mom was an awesome mom, but she did not teach me anything about finances.  I had to learn that on my own.  They always seemed to say that we didn't have money, but we lived pretty well and ate bakery bread and steaks.  I vowed at a young age that I would never be in a position that I felt like I didn't have any money. 

So, I had an interest in living within my means and saving so I never felt like I didn't have enough money.

                                                                                Miss Prim

NV Teacher

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2016, 06:23:33 AM »
Don't spend money you don't have.

big_slacker

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2016, 06:51:23 AM »
Cooking. Mom made almost everything from scratch and although we boys were just encouraged to eat and not cook the style of feeding a family stuck with me. I wish I had half her skills but I do well for my kiddos anyway for an old school man.

Tjat

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2016, 10:48:46 AM »
Nada. They are relatively frugal and well off but they never had any conversations with me about money and personal finance. Not a mistake I will repeat with my daughter. Fortunately after sub 10% saving years and a new car in my 20s I found MMM at 29.

penfieldmom

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2016, 10:51:11 AM »
So many things!  My mother would leave instructions when I was about 10 to get dinner started if she was out, which morphed into the ability to reproduce her 7-10 standard meals.   She did the tax return, so I always thought it was normal to do my own and didn't understand why people had to hire people to do them.   Charge card balances were unheard of -- if you couldn't pay it at the end of the month you shouldn't buy it.  No installment debt.   Avoid buying clothes you have to dry clean.   Save for retirement.  Keep track of your finances.  She did some things that would be considered anti-Mustachian (new car when the old one had 50,000 miles, for example) but the car itself was not terribly extravagant and always bought with cash.   Her overall approach though fits well here though - live well within your means, max out all tax-advantaged retirement accounts, understand and follow your investments, and inspire your kids to do the same.   My dad was smart enough to put her in charge of the family finances and shared her philosophy, if not the mastery of the details. 

horsepoor

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2016, 11:20:22 AM »
My mom was kind of a badass in many ways.  Too bad much of it didn't stick with me when I went out on my own!

She taught me:

How to work hard; I remember her saying that when other people were whining about unemployment, she'd never had a problem finding work (and she didn't even have a HS diploma; got her GED eventually) because she worked her ass off and didn't look down on work as being too menial.

Make my own money and not rely on a man for it.  I remember family friends telling me I better marry a rich guy if I wanted horses, and even at a young age I thought that sounded stupid.

How to cook and sew

How to shop at Goodwill and yard sales, and how to repurpose stuff

That women can DIY.  She built a rowboat by herself and rowed it from Washington to Alaska when I was 10 or so.  I remember my friend in HS being amazed when she came over and my mom was out back fixing the shed roof while my dad mopped the kitchen floor.

What she was not so good about was the money management thing.  SHE was good at managing her money, but tended to ignore a lot of what I was doing, and then go overboard on certain things.  Once, when I was 22 or so, I took a summer job and bought about $200 worth of stuff for my apartment on a Target credit card, knowing I could pay it off easily with my first paycheck.  The statement came to the house and she opened it and went ballistic.  That just taught me to hide my finances from my parents.  Another time in HS, she decided that I should save a certain amount from my after school job, so she dragged me down to the bank and opened a savings account, but never followed up on making deposits.  I don't think that savings account was ever touched after the first $100 was put in, so I didn't learn anything except to not bring it up so I could continue spending my money on clothes, beer and gas for my car.

cavewoman

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2016, 11:24:01 AM »
Don't smoke crack.

It had financial repercussions for me as well... Therapy in my early 20s, lol. 

All's good now, folks (even my Mom, she's better with money sober, but still not great).

La Bibliotecaria Feroz

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #22 on: January 09, 2016, 11:29:37 AM »
My parents were awesome examples when I was growing up. They had enough money that they would talk about investing and things like whether to refinance the mortgage to get a better interest rate, but not so much that we had a ton of stuff :-). (They have more $$ now and are not as frugal as I thought! Apparently we were just kinda poor!)

My mom had a saying that wasn't specifically for money, but applies to so many things: "If you have to have an answer right now, the answer is no."

She mostly used it if we were pressuring her to, for instance, promise to drive us somewhere when she wasn't sure. But it applies so well to high-pressure sales tactics!

HappyMargo

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #23 on: January 09, 2016, 12:10:00 PM »
Whatever she does with money, run screaming and do the opposite.

This.
DH & I can't understand how my Mom is such a smart person at many things, yet SO AWFUL with money. 
(We're fully aware she will frivolously spend herself to destitute & end up moving in with us.  Sigh.) 

EDIT:  On thing she did hammer into my growing head was "Never depend on a man for everything.  Have your own career & your own money."   

This advice has made me a stronger partner in my marriage and I know if anything tragic happens to my DH that I will still be able to stand on my own take care of myself.  Often wonder why my Mom taught me that yet didn't live it herself.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2016, 12:19:28 PM by HappyMargo »

HappyMargo

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #24 on: January 09, 2016, 12:15:04 PM »
... on the other hand, my maternal grandma was a frugal, tough mountain mama.  She set a great example of living smartly & independently while appreciating nature in the Adirondacks.  Miss her!

effigy98

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #25 on: January 09, 2016, 02:10:34 PM »
Money = freedom.

My mom worked pretty much $10 an hour all her life as a single mother. The single wide trailer was always FREEZING in the winter which I hated. I learned you do not need a big fancy house to grow up in, just a Nintendo Entertainment System, Zelda, some Jeno's pizza rolls, Oven, and some fricken HEAT!

ok so what I really learned is not to blow all your extra money when you get some and invest it, learn everything you can to help you land high paying jobs rather than partying every weekend, do not get a new car every 2 years so you are in perma car loan hell, and don't get (someone) pregnant at 18!

NoraLenderbee

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #26 on: January 09, 2016, 02:50:11 PM »
Clean As You Go.

Words to live by.

purple monkey

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #27 on: January 09, 2016, 04:53:03 PM »
My parents are terrible when it comes to money and they absolutely taught me nothing except for the grand lesson of what NOT to do. Not joking lol...
Great post.
+1

Freedomin5

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #28 on: January 09, 2016, 05:17:41 PM »
If you do what you love, and become good at it, you can always find some way to make money from it. Maybe not a LOT of money, but enough to survive.

tlsv

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #29 on: January 09, 2016, 05:32:27 PM »
If you can't pay cash, you can't afford it.
And just because you can pay cash doesn't mean you need to buy it.

RonMcCord

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2016, 05:34:37 PM »
Always look for sale and clearance pricing.  You can either get a big expensive toy and spend tons of money or you can spend less and get several smaller ones.  And you can get good deals from Goodwill.  Not necessarily bad lessons, but she never took it far enough.  If you're scrambling to move money between two or three accounts to keep a check from bouncing, it doesn't matter if you spent $200 on one item or fifteen or if it was 50% or retail price.

FausseBourgeoise

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #31 on: January 09, 2016, 11:44:46 PM »
Clean As You Go.

Words to live by.

My mom is serious about this one too, and I only -just- started doing it in the kitchen. The rest of the house... eehhh.....

Quetzal

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #32 on: January 10, 2016, 01:08:55 AM »
The impact of compounded growth for investments made early in life. Max out retirement vehicles, and save beyond. She said she wished she knew in her early 20s what she learned in her late 40s, and she was emphatic I not miss the opportunities she did. Fortunately for me, it's one of the few things I listened to her about, and in part because of it, at age 44 I could walk away from my job any day I chose to do so and not worry financially.

misshathaway

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2016, 02:11:49 AM »
This was a hard lesson for a teenager, but she taught me to question why you must buy any item just to get a popular label. I am dating myself here but I never had, despite my pleas:

- an Easy Bake Oven
- Jordache jeans
- Adidas
- La Coste clothing, although she did go to the thrift store and buy some mens shirts with the little Lacoste alligator and sew the alligators on to other random shirts for me. Not the same Mom. Just not the same.

You can apply it to any status symbol. I don't buy much now for reasons other than utility. The best training for an MMM life is parents who grew up in the Depression.

spruce

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2016, 05:26:52 AM »
My mom gave me copies of Your Money or Your Life and Rich Dad, Poor Dad for my eighteenth birthday. Seriously.

I did appreciate it though, because it set the framework for me to think about not working forever. However, I had a hard time figuring out how to actually put it into place, and didn't really get good at saving money until living with my boyfriend (now husband), finishing grad school, getting a "real job", and finding this community of ideas and resources. I never spent over my means though, and I've never carried any credit card debt or taken out a loan for a car.

She also taught me how I did not want to treat money. She's always made a lot but acted like she had nothing, to the point of living a penny-pinching life and insisting my dad needed to pay child support when my brother lived with her, yet refusing to pay him when I lived with my dad the entire time and my brother lived with him for all but two years.  Between my mom's cheapskateness and my dad's poor business practices and lavish spending (right into bankruptcy) I've figured out that I don't want to be like either of them, and strive for that sweet spot of living frugally with plans to FIRE but spending strategically to enjoy life along the way.

FIRE Artist

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2016, 05:53:46 AM »
How to do my own taxes.  From my first part time job I have been doing my own taxes, even now with the bulk of my stash in taxable accounts, I do my own taxes, once you know the basics, it is not so daunting to learn about the extra codes that apply to you. 

Also, to regularly balance your check book, which in today's world, for me at least, has translated to updating YNAB on a monthly basis.  I remember the monthly ritual of mom sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of receipts, her checkbook and the old Hilroy brand student notebook she used to keep the finances in. 

Unfortunately, she also taught me that if you see something you like and you have the money, just buy it.  My dad was earning a defined benefit pension, and an inheritance so my parents never put two thoughts into retirement savings, so never talked of saving at all. 

Another thing that I learned from her that I aspire to emulate but haven't been successful is meal planning and pantry maintenance. My mom had a master pantry list, that for the monthly big shop, she would have one of us (6) kids do the inventory and make the shopping list from the master,  awesomely effective.

smalllife

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2016, 06:54:23 AM »
Don't have children if you are ambivalent but your significant other wants them.  Both partners should want them. If you can't decide, that's your answer.

On the plus side, I won't make the same choice and recognize enough family traits to know that even if I wanted them I shouldn't for the sake of all involved.  Fortunately I don't want them anyway but thanks to her I thought about it before it was too late and made sure to have the conversation early.

MsPeacock

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2016, 03:31:51 PM »
Whatever she does with money, run screaming and do the opposite.

Yup.

KMMK

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2016, 04:27:29 PM »
Be as independent as possible, always have my own job and money, don't be a SAHM, or have kids. (All about doing the opposite of what she did.) Don't trust anyone or think that anyone will have your back (they didn't.)

My maternal grandmother was also the one who was really good with money and was a much better example.

The main useful thing from my parents was to not follow trends. They were rebels, not following a traditional north-american path, and such an attitude has served me well. I never had to pull myself out of a "normal" consumeristic path.

ArcadeStache

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2016, 05:00:48 PM »
Lots of things....pay the card off each month, avoid cc debt,  go without it if you can't afford it, bring lunch/eat at home, sell junk to declutter and generate $. Got some of this from my dad too...he was the real penny pincher.

accolay

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2016, 07:05:38 PM »
My mother never really taught me anything about money. Looking back I don't think either of my parents did. I think all of my money habits have come out of my own experiences, learning that savings and cash on hand was a great thing to have.

The_path_less_taken

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2016, 08:05:56 PM »
Well...the best "money" tip was that if you had to walk home from work in a questionable neighborhood, always carry a roll of quarters (or at LEAST dimes, if you were broke) in your pocket: they are legal "brass knuckles" and even the odds in any fight.  (God, I miss my mom!)

She also taught me to be creative, to work hard, to just "go for it: failing is part of life. get back up and try something else".

And the awesome power of sales: before we got a Costco card we still had tons of tp in the house because she was a "it's on sale, I'm buying two" kinda person.

Other than that....she truly sucked at money, and would spend it on 'treats' and bs. But when we were broke---and we were a lot when I was little---she would figure something out.

If that meant swishing some tap water in the empty milk carton and calling it "good enough for cereal", so be it...

Threshkin

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Re: The best money thing Mom taught you...
« Reply #42 on: January 11, 2016, 07:56:46 PM »
Get or self fund long term care insurance! 
Have a plan for when you get too old to care for yourself!!!!!

(She didn't)