the absurdity of 'craft-cocktail' tipping expectations

[randommadness]

Don't drink at bars.

Buy a Mr. Boston's Bar Guide (an antique one if you're fancy and want a cool home bar centerpiece) and then stock your own bar at home. Host gatherings at your residence. Merriment ensues, poverty does not.

As much as I love this advice it only applies to couples. =P Single people love going out and meeting new single people, who they can't meet through their friends. And who don't want strangers in their homes.

Now let's discuss the art of pregaming...

[nereo]

Well, look at this way, if you'd normally tip $5 and they gave you part of your meal free to be nice, should you in addition, cut their tip?  For an example, look at groupon, they flat out tell you to tip on the pre-discount. 
Also, from someone who was in the industry the managers know we are giving things for free, that will boost our tips.  They allow it because it also gives a nice impression of the restaurant.  For example, an extra bit of avacado was $1 but if they asked nicely for it, I'd often give it to them.  The manager would see the food before it left the window with the ticket.

ok... but if I'm tipping on the full, non-discounted amount and that's somehow "cheap" - the expectation is that I should tip beyond the normal amount? 
Does the same thought apply to GroupOn discounts (serious question!) - if I get a $50 meal for $29 from a Groupon, am I supposed to leave MORE tip than what I would have paid had I not gotten the discount to 'boost tips'?  Instead of a $10 tip, do I leave one for $20?

[DoubleDown]

The bartender threw them back at me and yelled "Do I look homeless? get the f*ck out of here!"

What a douche. I see you're in NYC; I would have liked to see the standard NYC response given to that guy: "F*ck you, you f*cking f*ck!"

OP, that's a ridiculous and annoying situation. I would have made the same "mistake." As others have already pointed out, tipping is a dumb practice. Too bad restaurants and bars don't just pay their servers a reasonable wage and eliminate tipping.

[randommadness]

Well, look at this way, if you'd normally tip $5 and they gave you part of your meal free to be nice, should you in addition, cut their tip?  For an example, look at groupon, they flat out tell you to tip on the pre-discount. 
Also, from someone who was in the industry the managers know we are giving things for free, that will boost our tips.  They allow it because it also gives a nice impression of the restaurant.  For example, an extra bit of avacado was $1 but if they asked nicely for it, I'd often give it to them.  The manager would see the food before it left the window with the ticket.

ok... but if I'm tipping on the full, non-discounted amount and that's somehow "cheap" - the expectation is that I should tip beyond the normal amount? 
Does the same thought apply to GroupOn discounts (serious question!) - if I get a $50 meal for $29 from a Groupon, am I supposed to leave MORE tip than what I would have paid had I not gotten the discount to 'boost tips'?  Instead of a $10 tip, do I leave one for $20?

The point he was making was that you tipped what you would have tipped anyway, despite the fact the guy just saved you $77. He could have charged you $102 and you still would have tipped him $20. He hooked you up as a friend and in his eyes you showed zero appreciation. Almost negative appreciation :P

[Gin1984]

Well, look at this way, if you'd normally tip $5 and they gave you part of your meal free to be nice, should you in addition, cut their tip?  For an example, look at groupon, they flat out tell you to tip on the pre-discount. 
Also, from someone who was in the industry the managers know we are giving things for free, that will boost our tips.  They allow it because it also gives a nice impression of the restaurant.  For example, an extra bit of avacado was $1 but if they asked nicely for it, I'd often give it to them.  The manager would see the food before it left the window with the ticket.

ok... but if I'm tipping on the full, non-discounted amount and that's somehow "cheap" - the expectation is that I should tip beyond the normal amount? 
Does the same thought apply to GroupOn discounts (serious question!) - if I get a $50 meal for $29 from a Groupon, am I supposed to leave MORE tip than what I would have paid had I not gotten the discount to 'boost tips'?  Instead of a $10 tip, do I leave one for $20?

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.  I'll give another example.  I used to get a single vegetarian guy at my work.  He was nice, but quiet.  Seemed shy and kind of tech awkward.  Since that is my group of friends, I took his table when many other servers did not want to (he was spending less than our normal meal cost).  After a bit he started tipping a bit higher.  Not outrageous but a little higher than 20% of our normal meal.  He always came in during the week, one day he came in on Sunday at his normal time, but we close early on Sunday.  The kitchen had closed up.  I was about to leave.  But, since he had always been a great tipper, I checked to see if we had his soup still (we made me big batches) and just gave it to him.  My boss knew and wanted me out of there. I honestly would not have done it if he did not.  20% is now decent, at any decent restaurant they expect 18-20% as the average, therefore the good tips round up from 20%

[nereo]

The point he was making was that you tipped what you would have tipped anyway, despite the fact the guy just saved you $77. He could have charged you $102 and you still would have tipped him $20. He hooked you up as a friend and in his eyes you showed zero appreciation. Almost negative appreciation :P

ok, but as I said earlier it seems bizarre (and somewhat wrong) to me that he should be the person to benefit in this situation.  He's already getting as much as what a standard tip would be on a full order.  And since his gf was buying the drinks (I only covered the tip), had he charger us full price she would have paid more and i would have paid the same.  that's douchie.  So... because she paid much less to the guy she lives with i should pay more?  ahh... my brain!

[Dr. A]

I think the reason why the person could have been "offended" is that they went out of their way to "hook it up" and while you appreciated it, it was not reallllly reciprocated. To be fair if it was your friend's bf I would have thought similar to the OP.

This is an interesting thought and one I'll admit I hadn't thought of.  However, here's where my morality alert starts ringing.  If I'm given a discount on service and then I'm expected to pay the person who gave me said discount even more than i otherwise would have, it's rewarding him at the expense of the business.  Another poster labeled it "quid-pro-quo", but even that's inaccurate, since that's latin for "something for something", and the bartender didn't actually give up something in the first place. IF this were the case he'd be looking for a monetary gain without giving up anything himself.

What's baffling is that the entire conversation centered around what a 'normal' tip should be for a guy off the street, not for what a house-priced special should be.
But then the whole thing just gets absurd from here - if there's a 50% happy-hour special, you're then supposed to tip double (40%), because the staff does the same amount of work as they would were the drinks full price.  And if a patron orders a $7 whisky vs a $21 whisky, his/her tip to the bartender triples even though the effort is exactly the same?  I realize this is just devolving into an argument against the practice of tipping in general, but seriously, where's the logic?

Well, look at this way, if you'd normally tip $5 and they gave you part of your meal free to be nice, should you in addition, cut their tip?  For an example, look at groupon, they flat out tell you to tip on the pre-discount. 
Also, from someone who was in the industry the managers know we are giving things for free, that will boost our tips.  They allow it because it also gives a nice impression of the restaurant.  For example, an extra bit of avacado was $1 but if they asked nicely for it, I'd often give it to them.  The manager would see the food before it left the window with the ticket.

I suspect, in a similar way, a shrewd owner would see a "friends and family" discount as a cheap way to give a fringe benefit to the bartender, as long as it's not abused.

[Villanelle]

The morality question is interesting.  In most cases, I have no way of knowing if I am getting the "worker/family discount", if such a thing exists, or if he's just stiffing his employer.

In the case of my recent restaurant experience, it's hard to believe (though I've never worked at the back end of a restaurant, so I am admittedly just guessing) that something in the system didn't catch that he put in orders for a bunch of things (food and cocktails, though I'd think moreso with the food since it would be easy to ask a bartender friend to make a round of drinks and not ring anything) and  and then just didn't charge.  So I'd like to believe he wasn't stealing on our behalf, and that's what I assumed at the time. 

[Gin1984]

I think the reason why the person could have been "offended" is that they went out of their way to "hook it up" and while you appreciated it, it was not reallllly reciprocated. To be fair if it was your friend's bf I would have thought similar to the OP.

This is an interesting thought and one I'll admit I hadn't thought of.  However, here's where my morality alert starts ringing.  If I'm given a discount on service and then I'm expected to pay the person who gave me said discount even more than i otherwise would have, it's rewarding him at the expense of the business.  Another poster labeled it "quid-pro-quo", but even that's inaccurate, since that's latin for "something for something", and the bartender didn't actually give up something in the first place. IF this were the case he'd be looking for a monetary gain without giving up anything himself.

What's baffling is that the entire conversation centered around what a 'normal' tip should be for a guy off the street, not for what a house-priced special should be.
But then the whole thing just gets absurd from here - if there's a 50% happy-hour special, you're then supposed to tip double (40%), because the staff does the same amount of work as they would were the drinks full price.  And if a patron orders a $7 whisky vs a $21 whisky, his/her tip to the bartender triples even though the effort is exactly the same?  I realize this is just devolving into an argument against the practice of tipping in general, but seriously, where's the logic?

Well, look at this way, if you'd normally tip $5 and they gave you part of your meal free to be nice, should you in addition, cut their tip?  For an example, look at groupon, they flat out tell you to tip on the pre-discount. 
Also, from someone who was in the industry the managers know we are giving things for free, that will boost our tips.  They allow it because it also gives a nice impression of the restaurant.  For example, an extra bit of avacado was $1 but if they asked nicely for it, I'd often give it to them.  The manager would see the food before it left the window with the ticket.

I suspect, in a similar way, a shrewd owner would see a "friends and family" discount as a cheap way to give a fringe benefit to the bartender, as long as it's not abused.

I remember going up to my boss when my fiance's aunt (who did not like me) and his grandmother were eating in my restaurant, even though the rule for 20% off was only when the server was eating with the table and asking for it.  Of course he put the discount on.  It made them happy with me and the restaurant.  It made for a happy employee too.  That is a win win. 

[randommadness]

I think the reason why the person could have been "offended" is that they went out of their way to "hook it up" and while you appreciated it, it was not reallllly reciprocated. To be fair if it was your friend's bf I would have thought similar to the OP.

This is an interesting thought and one I'll admit I hadn't thought of.  However, here's where my morality alert starts ringing.  If I'm given a discount on service and then I'm expected to pay the person who gave me said discount even more than i otherwise would have, it's rewarding him at the expense of the business.  Another poster labeled it "quid-pro-quo", but even that's inaccurate, since that's latin for "something for something", and the bartender didn't actually give up something in the first place. IF this were the case he'd be looking for a monetary gain without giving up anything himself.

What's baffling is that the entire conversation centered around what a 'normal' tip should be for a guy off the street, not for what a house-priced special should be.
But then the whole thing just gets absurd from here - if there's a 50% happy-hour special, you're then supposed to tip double (40%), because the staff does the same amount of work as they would were the drinks full price.  And if a patron orders a $7 whisky vs a $21 whisky, his/her tip to the bartender triples even though the effort is exactly the same?  I realize this is just devolving into an argument against the practice of tipping in general, but seriously, where's the logic?

Well, look at this way, if you'd normally tip $5 and they gave you part of your meal free to be nice, should you in addition, cut their tip?  For an example, look at groupon, they flat out tell you to tip on the pre-discount. 
Also, from someone who was in the industry the managers know we are giving things for free, that will boost our tips.  They allow it because it also gives a nice impression of the restaurant.  For example, an extra bit of avacado was $1 but if they asked nicely for it, I'd often give it to them.  The manager would see the food before it left the window with the ticket.

I suspect, in a similar way, a shrewd owner would see a "friends and family" discount as a cheap way to give a fringe benefit to the bartender, as long as it's not abused.

I'm aware of some bars that give the bartenders basically an allowance each night they work for this. Can't remember what the industry name is.

[nereo]

ok... but if I'm tipping on the full, non-discounted amount and that's somehow "cheap" - the expectation is that I should tip beyond the normal amount? 
Does the same thought apply to GroupOn discounts (serious question!) - if I get a $50 meal for $29 from a Groupon, am I supposed to leave MORE tip than what I would have paid had I not gotten the discount to 'boost tips'?  Instead of a $10 tip, do I leave one for $20?

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.  I'll give another example.  I used to get a single vegetarian guy at my work.  He was nice, but quiet.  Seemed shy and kind of tech awkward.  Since that is my group of friends, I took his table when many other servers did not want to (he was spending less than our normal meal cost).  After a bit he started tipping a bit higher.  Not outrageous but a little higher than 20% of our normal meal.  He always came in during the week, one day he came in on Sunday at his normal time, but we close early on Sunday.  The kitchen had closed up.  I was about to leave.  But, since he had always been a great tipper, I checked to see if we had his soup still (we made me big batches) and just gave it to him.  My boss knew and wanted me out of there. I honestly would not have done it if he did not.  20% is now decent, at any decent restaurant they expect 18-20% as the average, therefore the good tips round up from 20%
[/quote]
Sounds like you were really sweet to that guy.
Ok, so please help me understand this correctly.  If I go to a restaurant with my SO and we order two dinners that come to $50 a piece (no discount), I pay a $10 tip for a total of $60.  My server gets $10.  But, if I have a coupon (40% off!) that gets me the exact same meal for $30, then the suggestion is that I give a $15 tip.  I still come out 'ahead' paying $45, but the waitress in this case gets $15 instead of $10 for the same service.  Is that correct?

I'm asking because all of this is completely new to me - this idea that if I get a deal I should tip more, effectively giving some of my deal back to the person preparing my drink or food.

[Gin1984]

ok... but if I'm tipping on the full, non-discounted amount and that's somehow "cheap" - the expectation is that I should tip beyond the normal amount? 
Does the same thought apply to GroupOn discounts (serious question!) - if I get a $50 meal for $29 from a Groupon, am I supposed to leave MORE tip than what I would have paid had I not gotten the discount to 'boost tips'?  Instead of a $10 tip, do I leave one for $20?

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.  I'll give another example.  I used to get a single vegetarian guy at my work.  He was nice, but quiet.  Seemed shy and kind of tech awkward.  Since that is my group of friends, I took his table when many other servers did not want to (he was spending less than our normal meal cost).  After a bit he started tipping a bit higher.  Not outrageous but a little higher than 20% of our normal meal.  He always came in during the week, one day he came in on Sunday at his normal time, but we close early on Sunday.  The kitchen had closed up.  I was about to leave.  But, since he had always been a great tipper, I checked to see if we had his soup still (we made me big batches) and just gave it to him.  My boss knew and wanted me out of there. I honestly would not have done it if he did not.  20% is now decent, at any decent restaurant they expect 18-20% as the average, therefore the good tips round up from 20%

Sounds like you were really sweet to that guy.
Ok, so please help me understand this correctly.  If I go to a restaurant with my SO and we order two dinners that come to $50 a piece (no discount), I pay a $10 tip for a total of $60.  My server gets $10.  But, if I have a coupon (40% off!) that gets me the exact same meal for $30, then the suggestion is that I give a $15 tip.  I still come out 'ahead' paying $45, but the waitress in this case gets $15 instead of $10 for the same service.  Is that correct?

I'm asking because all of this is completely new to me - this idea that if I get a deal I should tip more, effectively giving some of my deal back to the person preparing my drink or food.
[/quote]
Well, to start off you don't tip $10 on $100, that is cheap!  You start at 20%.  Secondly, you don't have to on a coupon, many people would tip the pre-coupon amount.  But if it is a server deal, aka the server decides you have been here a lot, let me get buy take care of the second drink you ordered or such, then you up the tip.  My average is to tip 50% of any server discount as a thank you.  However, if the server say has a bunch of 10% coupons she has saved and she gives you one then yes give her/him the 50% discount.
ETA:  I am not nice, did you notice the part about not giving him the soup if he had not been a regular good tipper.  Anyone else that came to the door would have been told, we are closed. 

[Villanelle]

ok... but if I'm tipping on the full, non-discounted amount and that's somehow "cheap" - the expectation is that I should tip beyond the normal amount? 
Does the same thought apply to GroupOn discounts (serious question!) - if I get a $50 meal for $29 from a Groupon, am I supposed to leave MORE tip than what I would have paid had I not gotten the discount to 'boost tips'?  Instead of a $10 tip, do I leave one for $20?

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.  I'll give another example.  I used to get a single vegetarian guy at my work.  He was nice, but quiet.  Seemed shy and kind of tech awkward.  Since that is my group of friends, I took his table when many other servers did not want to (he was spending less than our normal meal cost).  After a bit he started tipping a bit higher.  Not outrageous but a little higher than 20% of our normal meal.  He always came in during the week, one day he came in on Sunday at his normal time, but we close early on Sunday.  The kitchen had closed up.  I was about to leave.  But, since he had always been a great tipper, I checked to see if we had his soup still (we made me big batches) and just gave it to him.  My boss knew and wanted me out of there. I honestly would not have done it if he did not.  20% is now decent, at any decent restaurant they expect 18-20% as the average, therefore the good tips round up from 20%

Sounds like you were really sweet to that guy.
Ok, so please help me understand this correctly.  If I go to a restaurant with my SO and we order two dinners that come to $50 a piece (no discount), I pay a $10 tip for a total of $60.  My server gets $10.  But, if I have a coupon (40% off!) that gets me the exact same meal for $30, then the suggestion is that I give a $15 tip.  I still come out 'ahead' paying $45, but the waitress in this case gets $15 instead of $10 for the same service.  Is that correct?

I'm asking because all of this is completely new to me - this idea that if I get a deal I should tip more, effectively giving some of my deal back to the person preparing my drink or food.
[/quote]

To me, if I had a coupon, I would tip the same as I would have without the coupon.  So if that would have been $10, that's what she would get even though I got the meal for $30.

IMO, the only time "tip more when you get a discount" applies is when it is the person you are tipping that gets you the discount.  They have gone out of their way to help you, and that's what tips are supposed to be about.  So if my bill should have been $100 and I would have tipped $20, making the total $120, but instead the bill was $50 because the waiter discounted or didn't charge for some items, I might tip $40 or $50, making the total $90-100. I still come out $20-30 ahead, and my waiter has been thanked for using his influence to hook me up because he comes out $20 or $30 ahead also. 

His ability to use that influence is no doubt limited as surely his place of business won't let him bring people in and heavily discount every night.  Since he used that benefit on me, I make sure it was worth his while to do so, which I can happily do because I am still saving a lot of money.   

[Dr. A]

I'm aware of some bars that give the bartenders basically an allowance each night they work for this. Can't remember what the industry name is.

The word I've always heard is "buyback".

[Dr. A]

I'm aware of some bars that give the bartenders basically an allowance each night they work for this. Can't remember what the industry name is.

The word I've always heard is "buyback".

In fact, I just looked it up to confirm, and came across an article with a quote that sums up this thread pretty nicely:

For both bartender and drinker, the balance between customer relations and theft, patronage and mooching is one that requires masterful finesse to get just right.

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2007/11/the-art-of-the-.html

[rocklebock]

I'm aware of some bars that give the bartenders basically an allowance each night they work for this. Can't remember what the industry name is.

The word I've always heard is "buyback".

In fact, I just looked it up to confirm, and came across an article with a quote that sums up this thread pretty nicely:

For both bartender and drinker, the balance between customer relations and theft, patronage and mooching is one that requires masterful finesse to get just right.

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/blogs/editor/2007/11/the-art-of-the-.html

The buyback thing is totally regional. It was customary in one city I lived in, but only if you were a regular, (I never managed to drink enough in one night to take advantage) and everywhere else I've lived, it's unheard of.

[gimp]

Ain't that some shit. First, as far as I'm concerned, DD doesn't pay - DD is bringing customers to your establishment and reducing your chance of needing to use that liability insurance. DD drinks soft drinks for free all night. DD doesn't need to tip, either, the bar needs the DD and not the other way around.

20% on a cocktail is a fine tip. I wish I could tip the cook 20% on a good meal, but I don't; I cook a lot of food and mix drinks too and cooking is a hell of a lot harder. Taking up the table or the bar? Yeah, that's what tables and bars are for, they're for being taken up by paying (and tipping) customers. Unless you're sitting there for three hours nursing one drink, in which case you're a bit of a dick.

I've been to plenty of bars in plenty of cities and ain't nobody tipping 50%, not unless they're trying to impress or to make themselves remembered in a crowded bar. I try to avoid crowded bars. And frankly if the bartender opens a beer and hands it to me and hardly looks like s/he gives a damn, then they're probably not getting a tip for opening and handing me a beer. Though I guess that's not a craft cocktail.

Looking down on someone who doesn't know what bourbon/rye/gin/etc they like? Please, their job is to sell as well as to serve, and there's no better way to do that than a quick conversation to probe the customer's interest and teach them a little. With that said, I've been to plenty of bars, and maybe a tenth of them have as good a selection of whisky as my apartment, so...

[bluecheeze]

$1/drink was my standard when I would throw away money at bars.

[vern]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B3Dwmxo4OM

[Primm]

I have an honest, serious question, from one who has always lived and travelled in non-tipping cultures (i.e. not the US).

What happens if you don't? Like for example if somebody completely clueless like me drank at a bar like this, and paid their bill (and only their bill) and walked out. What exactly would happen?

An owner/manager may confront you to either A) find out if there was a problem so they can fix it or B) score points with their staff by sticking up for them.

Again with the honest actual question (because I truly am clueless about this), but why not just charge the actual amount in the first place? If a cocktail sells for $15, but in order to make a profit for the bar and pay the bartender an actual wage they need to receive $20 for it, why not sell it for $20?

It's like places over there that put the price on the shelf as the before-tax price, and then it costs you more when you get to the checkout and add the tax in. Why do you do that? It all just seems overly complicated to me. Pick a price and charge it. If the service is exceptional then maybe people will throw a little extra on the end. That's an incentive for the staff to perform well, not a guaranteed "add this much on the end" amount.

[dcheesi]

If I get the hook up, which is rare, I kick back 50% of the hookup plus what would have been the full tip. $20 was in bad taste in the OP case.

This is the same rule that I've been told in the past. Years ago my brother was a regular at a bar, and the bartender would shave drinks off the tab. A couple of times I did like the OP, until someone pointed out the etiquette.

[KBecks2]

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.  I'll give another example.
[/quote]

OK, what do you mean "if you wanted to be a regular, you would tip more".   How about if you wanted to be a regular, you would simply show up more often and bring your business there?   You don't have to give extra tips to have a favorite restaurant or bar.  This is strange thinking.

[Bartstache]

Way too confusing for me.  I believe I'll stick with making my cocktails at the house.

[happyfeet]

I can't imagine paying $18 for a drink let alone tipping $9 for it.  That's nuts.

[Gin1984]

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.  I'll give another example.

OK, what do you mean "if you wanted to be a regular, you would tip more".   How about if you wanted to be a regular, you would simply show up more often and bring your business there?   You don't have to give extra tips to have a favorite restaurant or bar.  This is strange thinking.
[/quote]
Did you miss the part where regulars who tip well get benefits?  If you want to go and be a regular (which is different than simply show up more often), yes you want to tip of the higher end of normal.

[rocksinmyhead]

oh yeah, I avoid drinking at bars as much as possible, and always go for the cheapest option.  The cost of the drink and the tipping expectation isn't in line with what I think the service is really worth.  I once gave a $1 tip on a $4 beer in quarters.  The bartender threw them back at me and yelled "Do I look homeless? get the f*ck out of here!"

Well buddy, that happened to be my first drink on my 21st birthday and I had a gaggle of 20 with me... so we left promptly and I wrote the manager a letter explaining what happened.  He gave me a $200 credit for next time.

wow.  kudos to you for actually writing the manager, and to him/her for trying to make it right with credit.  The whole "no change" thing seems weird to me, especially since i keeps popping up in other articles.  Ok, I get that a sack full of change at the end of the day can be heavy to carry around, but money is money.

I mean, throwing coins at you was out of line on his part, but giving change as a tip has always seemed rude to me. but if it was your first drink at a bar ever then I guess it's more excusable :)

To me, if I had a coupon, I would tip the same as I would have without the coupon.  So if that would have been $10, that's what she would get even though I got the meal for $30.

IMO, the only time "tip more when you get a discount" applies is when it is the person you are tipping that gets you the discount.  They have gone out of their way to help you, and that's what tips are supposed to be about.  So if my bill should have been $100 and I would have tipped $20, making the total $120, but instead the bill was $50 because the waiter discounted or didn't charge for some items, I might tip $40 or $50, making the total $90-100. I still come out $20-30 ahead, and my waiter has been thanked for using his influence to hook me up because he comes out $20 or $30 ahead also. 

His ability to use that influence is no doubt limited as surely his place of business won't let him bring people in and heavily discount every night.  Since he used that benefit on me, I make sure it was worth his while to do so, which I can happily do because I am still saving a lot of money.   

yeah, I think this is what makes the most sense to me. nicely put, Villanelle.

[nereo]

Again with the honest actual question (because I truly am clueless about this), but why not just charge the actual amount in the first place? If a cocktail sells for $15, but in order to make a profit for the bar and pay the bartender an actual wage they need to receive $20 for it, why not sell it for $20?

It's like places over there that put the price on the shelf as the before-tax price, and then it costs you more when you get to the checkout and add the tax in. Why do you do that? It all just seems overly complicated to me. Pick a price and charge it. If the service is exceptional then maybe people will throw a little extra on the end. That's an incentive for the staff to perform well, not a guaranteed "add this much on the end" amount.

There's multiple questions wrapped up into one here - about not posting the taxes, about paying people in the service industry a 'standard wage' and about the practice of tipping.
The tax thing might be the most straightfoward.  Businesses like to not include the tax on the stated price because study after study has shown that peopleare more likely to buy something when they see "$19.99 + tax" vs "21.16, tax included!"  In the US every state has a different tax rate, so you will pay more for the same thing in NY (9%) vs nearby NH (0%).

Paying people a standard wage is a weird issue.  Bars don't like it because all employee wages are taxed and include fees for workman's comp (a function of which is employee salary) , so if you want to pay someone $10/hour it will cost the employer somewhere between $14-16/hr (depending on the state and type of business). Since people in these jobs are often transient it's typically seen as "not worth it".  The bartenders and servers themselves often want to work off tips since they can 'forget' to claim that as income on their taxes (e.g. it's "tax free"), and they jump from jobs to jobs based largely on the tips they can make.

The tipping practice is the hardest of all to understand.  Virtually all economists will say it's a bad idea.  Ideally, tipping should reward good service and encourage a positive relationship between the employee and the customer.  However, people vary rarely deviate from their 'standard tip,' and there's little evidence that great service is rewarded any more than average service.  Additionally, things like 'attractiveness of the server' is a far better predictor of tips than quality of service.   The reason we don't do away with it entirely is that it's become so intrenched in our system that to get rid of it we'd have to make a whole bunch of changes virtually overnight.  Servers, bartenders, cabbies, etc would all have to be switched to a 'fair wage' (and no one agrees what that should be).  People would have to stop tipping altogether - which is now a habit and thus hard to break.  And all of a sudden this huge swath of currently untaxed money would be subject to taxes, which would mean less money going into the pockets of businesses and individual workers, and more to the state and federal governments.  So most proposals to do away with tipping have been met with stiff opposition.

There's a good podcast on the economics of tipping and whether it should be banned on freakonomics radio.  Find it here: http://freakonomics.com/2013/06/03/should-tipping-be-banned-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/

[Hannah]

I tended bar for a little while, and I would say the bartender at the beginning of this thread is a bit of an idiot.

Bartenders should think of themselves as technical salesmen rather than skilled artisans. 95% of drinks made in the bar could be made by anyone, and the other 5% I didn't even make. I had to pass them on to someone more skilled than me.

Why could I make more money tending bar than others could? Easy, I directed people better. Oh, you don't know what you want? If it's busy I will direct you to the special saying, "2 Gingers is our specialty. There's a reason we're known for it. Why don't I make it for you?" If we're swamped, I could point people to quick pours rather than cocktails. If it's slow, I will point them to the highest price point thing that I think is good (and I can make).

This is easy math to do in your head.

Now, if your bartender is shooting flames in the air, and juggling bar implements all while making the drink you requested, you might want to throw a bit extra in for him. After all, your tipping the entertainer too.

[SailAway]

Now is where I brag about my delicious homemade maraschino cherries.

Please, please tell me more.

[greenmimama]

Tipping had gotten ridiculous on all levels, no wonder these fast casual places that say to you when they bring the food out "No tipping and we will clean up" are becoming busier.

ALSO: This whole, my friend got us free food and a round of drinks so we tipped more, are we paying them to steal from the restaurant? I get it if it took too long and the manager comped your meal, then you still tip your server, but them just giving you stuff? How is that not stealing on their part?

[MrsK]

Now is where I brag about my delicious homemade maraschino cherries.

I hope you use them for excellent Manhattans!  And I hope if you drink these at home and give yourself a $20 tip for each one!

[Villanelle]

Tipping had gotten ridiculous on all levels, no wonder these fast casual places that say to you when they bring the food out "No tipping and we will clean up" are becoming busier.

ALSO: This whole, my friend got us free food and a round of drinks so we tipped more, are we paying them to steal from the restaurant? I get it if it took too long and the manager comped your meal, then you still tip your server, but them just giving you stuff? How is that not stealing on their part?

Because, as has been pointed out in this thread, often it is done with the knowledge of the restaurant, and within policy, and thus is not stealing.   

[sheepstache]

I get the idea of paying more for getting a hook-up to cheap drinks, but it sounds like they told the OP the larger tip was expected because they were craft cocktails. People who are so blunt about correcting someone's tipping practices surely wouldn't become suddenly discreet about expecting more for a hook-up, no?

[Zoot Allures]

I think the reason why the person could have been "offended" is that they went out of their way to "hook it up" and while you appreciated it, it was not reallllly reciprocated.

I agree that this was probably the issue here, not tipping conventions on craft cocktails per se.

Back in my days waiting tables, I was always amused that when my coworkers and I went out for dinner or drinks at another restaurant, we would often get huge "hookups" from the people we knew at those establishments, but then we would blow most of the savings by tipping extravagantly. Then the next night those people would come to our restaurant and we'd repeat the cycle.

[nereo]

I'm rather surprised this thread generated so much interest, but it's probably run it's course.  I think this might be my last post on the matter

Thank you to all who contributed.  I've certainly been given some new perspectives, some of which I'd descibe as enlightening (although perhaps not in a good way), and some I simply can't agree with.
to sum up:
The idea of buybacks is one I hadn't thought of when I was told that my tipping practice could be considered 'borderline offensive' despite tipping 20% on the full price. Maybe this is what my friend meant, maybe not.  However, I still don't understand why - when the issue was brought up - this just wasn't said outright instead of this lengthy explanation that we had a complex order, occupied a table, took up space, blah-blah-blah, and my tip was considered the bare minimum.  I shall ask my friend later.

The idea that I should tip more than 20% of the full price when given a hook-up/buyback is uncomfortable to me.  Apparently sometimes it's done with the bars knowledge, and other times it is flat out stealing from the owner.  Either way it seems overly complicated and a way for someone to pocket even more money from me, which is why i don't frequent bars in the first place.  The entire practice reminds me of the 'official bribes' and other corruption that are common in many developing nations - when you need to pay a public official $5 to make sure a permit is 'not lost' or a police officer to ensure your luggage isn't suddenly stolen.  Why is the bartender getting an even better tip than normal after leveraging the owner's profit?  On a similar note, i'm surprised there wasn't more comments about the appropriateness of these bartenders earning several hundred$ per night in non-taxed tips for something that "almost anyone can do" (according to Hannah and several others here).  Yes, it's made me question my job choices.  Also, I'm a bit shocked that people reading this blog would suggest that if my bill was reduced from $100 to $50 that the socially acceptable thing to do would be to give a $40-50 tip (e.g. Villanelle & someone earlier).  That blows my mind, giving someone an extra $30 (on top of $20 for only a few minutes of work) for basically no extra work or sacrifice on their part - but that's just me... i have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

I still don't understand why using quarters when I tip is in poor taste.  Xenon5 told a story of having them thrown (literally) back at him when tipping 25%, and rocksinmyhead confirmed that giving change can be considered 'rude' in the industry. Both reinforce several 'cocktail tipping etiquette' articles i've read online.  Sorry, but I just don't buy it or accept it.  First, money is money.  Second, what happens when I order a $6 beer?  If I tip $1 I'm a 'low tipper' (16%), and if I leave $1.50 I'm rude for leaving change.  At $2 I'm suddenly at 33% - all of which suggests it's just a rather transparent scheme to extract more money from my wallet.  Unfortunately, I know the next time I try to pay for a $6 drink or a $2.25 soda as the DD I'll be worried about what those around me will think. I just can't help it.

Coupons, Group-ons and happy-hour prices seem to make sense - just tip on what the normal amount would be.  Tipping more when you are a regular customer seems counter-intuitive.  In most businesses you get a lower price when you order more, and you don't normally have to first give extra to get that reduced price.  And tipping extra with the hope that I'll get a buyback later seems like a) rampant consumerism, b) like i'm bribing them, and c) an unnecessarily complicated set of transactions.

Finally, this view into the crazypants craft-cocktail scene has just solidified my belief that I don't need to be apart of it.   Now, I think we should all head over to senecando's place for some homemade maraschino cherries in hand-poured Manhattans.  I'll even bring a bottle of rye :-)  Who's got vermouth?!

[resy]

I think the reason why the person could have been "offended" is that they went out of their way to "hook it up" and while you appreciated it, it was not reallllly reciprocated. To be fair if it was your friend's bf I would have thought similar to the OP.

Let's say without the hook up your tab comes out to $102, you tip $20 for a total of $122

With your hook up you got 5 drinks for $25, you tipped $20 for a total of $45

Total savings of $77 after tips included for both. While $20 on the initial tab is generous and fine, I think there is reason to get offended if you went out of your way to shave off $77 on someone's tab and they didn't give a little extra as a "thank you".

The way I look at it is :
$102 TOTAL for both, so for OP share it's $51. 20% of that is roughly 10 bucks.
I think $20 bucks was great. Sounds more like the bartender in question and gf wanted to pocket the "discount" they were giving OP- not really a hook up then.

[limeandpepper]

I'm guessing the friend paid around $35 for the drinks. If you look at this from a "going Dutch" perspective, maybe they were hoping your tip would match that as a reciprocal thing so that at least they wouldn't end up out of pocket?

[senecando]

Now is where I brag about my delicious homemade maraschino cherries.

Please, please tell me more.

They are pretty easy to make. I just finished a jar of maraschino, which used sugar, Maraschino liqueur and maybe brandy for the liquid. I pretty much followed the basic recipe for cherries in syrup from the ball book/extension websites. I'll also make bourbon/orange peel ones. I canned them this time around and they hold up pretty well. They take in the liquid, but retain a bit of the cherryness. You really will want a cherry pitter. I used bing cherries, I think.

I do really still like the Luxardo cherries that are made with maraskas, but they are expensive. The above "recipe" will produce a cherry that feels fresher and still has its own juice.

Now is where I brag about my delicious homemade maraschino cherries.

I hope you use them for excellent Manhattans!  And I hope if you drink these at home and give yourself a $20 tip for each one!

That and old fashioneds. If I have vermouth I'll make a Manhattan or a Boulevardier/Negroni. If I don't, I'll make an Old Fashioned.

Finally, this view into the crazypants craft-cocktail scene has just solidified my belief that I don't need to be apart of it.   Now, I think we should all head over to senecando's place for some homemade maraschino cherries in hand-poured Manhattans.  I'll even bring a bottle of rye :-)  Who's got vermouth?!

Sounds good to me.

[Villanelle]

I'm rather surprised this thread generated so much interest, but it's probably run it's course.  I think this might be my last post on the matter

Thank you to all who contributed.  I've certainly been given some new perspectives, some of which I'd descibe as enlightening (although perhaps not in a good way), and some I simply can't agree with.
to sum up:
The idea of buybacks is one I hadn't thought of when I was told that my tipping practice could be considered 'borderline offensive' despite tipping 20% on the full price. Maybe this is what my friend meant, maybe not.  However, I still don't understand why - when the issue was brought up - this just wasn't said outright instead of this lengthy explanation that we had a complex order, occupied a table, took up space, blah-blah-blah, and my tip was considered the bare minimum.  I shall ask my friend later.

The idea that I should tip more than 20% of the full price when given a hook-up/buyback is uncomfortable to me.  Apparently sometimes it's done with the bars knowledge, and other times it is flat out stealing from the owner.  Either way it seems overly complicated and a way for someone to pocket even more money from me, which is why i don't frequent bars in the first place.  The entire practice reminds me of the 'official bribes' and other corruption that are common in many developing nations - when you need to pay a public official $5 to make sure a permit is 'not lost' or a police officer to ensure your luggage isn't suddenly stolen.  Why is the bartender getting an even better tip than normal after leveraging the owner's profit?  On a similar note, i'm surprised there wasn't more comments about the appropriateness of these bartenders earning several hundred$ per night in non-taxed tips for something that "almost anyone can do" (according to Hannah and several others here).  Yes, it's made me question my job choices.  Also, I'm a bit shocked that people reading this blog would suggest that if my bill was reduced from $100 to $50 that the socially acceptable thing to do would be to give a $40-50 tip (e.g. Villanelle & someone earlier).  That blows my mind, giving someone an extra $30 (on top of $20 for only a few minutes of work) for basically no extra work or sacrifice on their part - but that's just me... i have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

I still don't understand why using quarters when I tip is in poor taste.  Xenon5 told a story of having them thrown (literally) back at him when tipping 25%, and rocksinmyhead confirmed that giving change can be considered 'rude' in the industry. Both reinforce several 'cocktail tipping etiquette' articles i've read online.  Sorry, but I just don't buy it or accept it.  First, money is money.  Second, what happens when I order a $6 beer?  If I tip $1 I'm a 'low tipper' (16%), and if I leave $1.50 I'm rude for leaving change.  At $2 I'm suddenly at 33% - all of which suggests it's just a rather transparent scheme to extract more money from my wallet.  Unfortunately, I know the next time I try to pay for a $6 drink or a $2.25 soda as the DD I'll be worried about what those around me will think. I just can't help it.

Coupons, Group-ons and happy-hour prices seem to make sense - just tip on what the normal amount would be.  Tipping more when you are a regular customer seems counter-intuitive.  In most businesses you get a lower price when you order more, and you don't normally have to first give extra to get that reduced price.  And tipping extra with the hope that I'll get a buyback later seems like a) rampant consumerism, b) like i'm bribing them, and c) an unnecessarily complicated set of transactions.

Finally, this view into the crazypants craft-cocktail scene has just solidified my belief that I don't need to be apart of it.   Now, I think we should all head over to senecando's place for some homemade maraschino cherries in hand-poured Manhattans.  I'll even bring a bottle of rye :-)  Who's got vermouth?!

But there is extra sacrifice on their part.  generally, they can only use these hook ups so many times.

Imagine your friend works at Disneyland.  Perks vary depending on the job, but lets say she gets 10 free tickets for friends every year.  She gives you and your SO 2 tickets.  It has cost her no money, and no real effort.  Yet you'v used up a resource, and she's chose you to be the one that received her resource.  To me, that's no different than using up her money or her time.  It has value. 

So I'm going to buy her and her SO dinner.  That's $50 more than she would have had without giving me the hook up, but since she saved me almost $200, I'm still quite happy.

She can't use those 2 tickets for anyone else, in the same way she couldn't use $50 for something else if gave it to me.  I recognize that she chose me to "help" and I am thankful.  And there's a way to show that where I still come out way ahead from where I'd have been if I'd paid full price for my Disney tickets.  When a friend does a favor for me, I show my appreciation, often with a gift or gesture. 

When you paid only the standard tip, there was no appreciation. Yes, "thank you!" is appreciation, but I prefer to be a bit more generous than that, especially when I can do so while still coming out ahead.  To me, that's the line between frugal and cheap.  I can be generous to a friend, still come out ahead financially, and make sure my friend feels appreciated.

[nereo]

When you paid only the standard tip, there was no appreciation. Yes, "thank you!" is appreciation, but I prefer to be a bit more generous than that, especially when I can do so while still coming out ahead.  To me, that's the line between frugal and cheap.  I can be generous to a friend, still come out ahead financially, and make sure my friend feels appreciated.

As I said, I simply didn't understand the custom, and this thread has helped in that regard.  I had always assumed that the tip was the appreciation, since it was money paid directly to them and was based on the full amount.  It seems I was wrong.

[markbrynn]

I think a lot of this has to do with the definition of "friends."

If you're actually good friends with someone, you're often happy to help them out without looking for direct monetary compensation (at least I am). You figure that they'll get you back sometime later. With a friend's boyfriend (who OP doesn't seem to know that well), then greed (or some nicer term - maybe) overpowers friendliness and cold hard cash is wanted/demanded.

If it's a stranger, they would basically be selling you a service at a discounted price (think Craigslist, ebay, etc.). Friend it's a gift. In between it's messy.

On the other hand, many people seem to have more transactional relationships with friends. I think that's a bit cultural, but really depends person to person.

[mak1277]

I still don't understand why using quarters when I tip is in poor taste.  Xenon5 told a story of having them thrown (literally) back at him when tipping 25%, and rocksinmyhead confirmed that giving change can be considered 'rude' in the industry. Both reinforce several 'cocktail tipping etiquette' articles i've read online.  Sorry, but I just don't buy it or accept it.  First, money is money.  Second, what happens when I order a $6 beer?  If I tip $1 I'm a 'low tipper' (16%), and if I leave $1.50 I'm rude for leaving change.  At $2 I'm suddenly at 33% - all of which suggests it's just a rather transparent scheme to extract more money from my wallet.  Unfortunately, I know the next time I try to pay for a $6 drink or a $2.25 soda as the DD I'll be worried about what those around me will think. I just can't help it.

It's been a while since I was a member of the service industry, but from my perspective this was a matter of convenience more than a matter of greed.  Sure, shoving four quarters in your pocket is a non-issue, but imagine four quarters multiplied by hundreds of patrons a night.  Even if you have a "tip jar" and you aren't literally pocketing your tips, imagine finishing a long shift and then being forced to count up hundreds of coins to split with your fellow bartenders and/or servers.  It's a pain in the ass, believe me.  Honestly, when I was serving, I preferred a $1 tip to a $1.50 tip.  Obviously a $2 tip was even better, but it was worth it to get a little less but save the annoyance of having/counting a bunch of silver.  I realize now that was pretty un-mustachian, but it really is annoying as shit.

[Villanelle]

I think a lot of this has to do with the definition of "friends."

If you're actually good friends with someone, you're often happy to help them out without looking for direct monetary compensation (at least I am). You figure that they'll get you back sometime later. With a friend's boyfriend (who OP doesn't seem to know that well), then greed (or some nicer term - maybe) overpowers friendliness and cold hard cash is wanted/demanded.

If it's a stranger, they would basically be selling you a service at a discounted price (think Craigslist, ebay, etc.). Friend it's a gift. In between it's messy.

On the other hand, many people seem to have more transactional relationships with friends. I think that's a bit cultural, but really depends person to person.

This is an excellent point.  With a truly close friend, I would probably be less likely to be overly generous, as strange as that seems on the surface.  Maybe it's because there's more likelihood of coming out even over the long haul, or because I know my great friend wouldn't care about $20 and she's helping my because we are important to each other, or because money between good friends is awkward. 

And I'd be much more likely to take her out to lunch for giving me cheap drinks than I would be to leave an very large tip, because a lunch feels like it is about the relationship, and money feels like it is about... money. 

Also, to be clear, while I would have tipped more in the OP's shoes, I think his friend and the boyfriend were pretty ass-holey for bringing it up.  If you don't like the tip, don't hook him up next time, or even don't invite him back.  But it's a *tip*, which means it is voluntary, so to complain about the amount is inappropriate and entitled. 

[resy]

I still don't understand why using quarters when I tip is in poor taste.  Xenon5 told a story of having them thrown (literally) back at him when tipping 25%, and rocksinmyhead confirmed that giving change can be considered 'rude' in the industry. Both reinforce several 'cocktail tipping etiquette' articles i've read online.  Sorry, but I just don't buy it or accept it.  First, money is money.  Second, what happens when I order a $6 beer?  If I tip $1 I'm a 'low tipper' (16%), and if I leave $1.50 I'm rude for leaving change.  At $2 I'm suddenly at 33% - all of which suggests it's just a rather transparent scheme to extract more money from my wallet.  Unfortunately, I know the next time I try to pay for a $6 drink or a $2.25 soda as the DD I'll be worried about what those around me will think. I just can't help it.

It's been a while since I was a member of the service industry, but from my perspective this was a matter of convenience more than a matter of greed.  Sure, shoving four quarters in your pocket is a non-issue, but imagine four quarters multiplied by hundreds of patrons a night.  Even if you have a "tip jar" and you aren't literally pocketing your tips, imagine finishing a long shift and then being forced to count up hundreds of coins to split with your fellow bartenders and/or servers.  It's a pain in the ass, believe me.  Honestly, when I was serving, I preferred a $1 tip to a $1.50 tip.  Obviously a $2 tip was even better, but it was worth it to get a little less but save the annoyance of having/counting a bunch of silver.  I realize now that was pretty un-mustachian, but it really is annoying as shit.

I hadn't considered that before. Good point. Although I'd say more applicable if you have to share your tips. My late brother was a waiter for a long time and I remember when I was a kid, he'd come home take his apron off and I would make little one dollar piles from the quarters while he counted the bills. He was young and supporting my mother and I so I know the coins were an inconvinience but certainly appreciated (hey money is money) he would only get mad about coins when cheap people would leave a few coins not even adding up to a dollar on a tip that should have been more than $1.lol
sorry, but to me its a really bid complainy pants first world problem!

[rocksinmyhead]

The idea of buybacks is one I hadn't thought of when I was told that my tipping practice could be considered 'borderline offensive' despite tipping 20% on the full price. Maybe this is what my friend meant, maybe not.  However, I still don't understand why - when the issue was brought up - this just wasn't said outright instead of this lengthy explanation that we had a complex order, occupied a table, took up space, blah-blah-blah, and my tip was considered the bare minimum.  I shall ask my friend later.

totally agreed. I understood it once everyone else here chimed in, but the initial explanation given by your friend was still bizarre!

I still don't understand why using quarters when I tip is in poor taste.  Xenon5 told a story of having them thrown (literally) back at him when tipping 25%, and rocksinmyhead confirmed that giving change can be considered 'rude' in the industry. Both reinforce several 'cocktail tipping etiquette' articles i've read online.  Sorry, but I just don't buy it or accept it.  First, money is money.  Second, what happens when I order a $6 beer?  If I tip $1 I'm a 'low tipper' (16%), and if I leave $1.50 I'm rude for leaving change.  At $2 I'm suddenly at 33% - all of which suggests it's just a rather transparent scheme to extract more money from my wallet.  Unfortunately, I know the next time I try to pay for a $6 drink or a $2.25 soda as the DD I'll be worried about what those around me will think. I just can't help it.

It's been a while since I was a member of the service industry, but from my perspective this was a matter of convenience more than a matter of greed.  Sure, shoving four quarters in your pocket is a non-issue, but imagine four quarters multiplied by hundreds of patrons a night.  Even if you have a "tip jar" and you aren't literally pocketing your tips, imagine finishing a long shift and then being forced to count up hundreds of coins to split with your fellow bartenders and/or servers.  It's a pain in the ass, believe me.  Honestly, when I was serving, I preferred a $1 tip to a $1.50 tip.  Obviously a $2 tip was even better, but it was worth it to get a little less but save the annoyance of having/counting a bunch of silver.  I realize now that was pretty un-mustachian, but it really is annoying as shit.

exactly. it's just a pain in the ass. I've never worked in the service industry, but I'm the treasurer for my running/drinking club, so every week I collect $7 from everyone who shows up, and I have a solid NO COINS rule. if people only have change on them, I write in an IOU. I just don't want to fucking deal with it! you're right, TOTALLY a complainy-pants first world problem, but we do live in the first world and are generally surrounded by complainypants, so...

[MustachianAccountant]

$10 would be standard, if you liked the place and wanted to be a regular you tip more, not $20 but maybe $15.

So what you're telling me is, I don't want to become a regular at any restaurants...

[resy]

One more thing too... I'm very surprised that no one, specially the people looking at it through the friendship lense, noted that OP was out of town and was taken to such bar by said friend. From what OP said going to a bar (at least like that one) was out of the norm so I would think it was a "special treat" from the friend.
I dont know about you guys but if I have an out of town friend and I take it upon myself to get her out of her comfort zone by taking her to a particular place of my choice then I am likely to pay. I would take thr discounted deals by said boyfriend as a break to MY wallet haha.  Sorry, just can't shake the greedy feeling this friend's bf and her give me and let me say I live in a VERY hipster city and I am a millenial that does go out from time to time to said places AND I'm considered the generous one of my group of friends and the MOST I've tiped for outstanding service has been 25%. For good 20%, meh or kinda bad 15% (I think they are taxed 15% off their sales so I feel like Id be putting them under of I didnt) and for pretty bad service I leave 10% to make a point.
So dont feel bad OP! you seriously did nothing wrong :)

[ChelseaBlair]

I think this is ridiculous. I usually tip more than 20% of original bill if I have been "hooked up", BUT usually the person insists on not leaving a tip since it's a friend, etc and they don't want to be making money off of their friends. It's been like a hide the money and go before they say 'you shouldn't have' scenario. Even if your tip was insulting, I find it in very poor taste to say something. Your $20 tip was on what, 5 drinks? $4/drink TIP sounds pretty fair. That's more than $1/minute.
Expecting a tip around 50% is ridiculous, even if you're in an upscale speakeasy. It's my understanding that drinks in these types of establishments cost double because you're paying for the craft, hence the 20% tip is more than you paying for something much more simple. So, $30 for a drink with tip? Uhm, ok.
Plus, bartenders in big cities make a killing.

[Jouer]

Can't use coins to tip? In Canada, our lowest paper denomination is the $5. Please advise.

A good friend of mine manages an Oyster bar in town and we often get some level of discount when we go there. I absolutely leave a super large tip to the wait-staff if I get a large discount - I'd be embarrassed not to. The manager has taken care of me. I've taken care of the wait-staff. And the wait-staff will take care of the manager (by being happy....which often means being a better employee). Win-win-win. But that is my personal choice - shaming someone for not doing this is not cool.

[Numbers Man]

This is one of the reasons why I cut my restaurant patronage in the last couple of years. I used to go out about 20 meals a week, now it's about a third of that total. Everyone has their hand out and I really don't want to be an arbiter of who gets paid x amount of dollars. Just google and read the entitlement of the tip culture that a lot of servers subscribe to. It will definitely turn you off as far as going to bars and restaurants. The patrons are definitely being judged.