Author Topic: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?  (Read 2313 times)

Mike in NH

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Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« on: December 13, 2018, 07:04:15 PM »
People talk about the power that comes with having FU money, but right now it almost feels like more of a burden to me.

I've never not liked my job. It was never my dream, but it pays the bills and is allowing me to achieve my dreams. Pursuing FI was always more about chasing the freedom than trying to escape the grind.

I've been chugging along at my company for about 15 years, just doing my thing and happily going about my business. About every 3-5 years I tend to get a little bored so I took a new position at Megacorp this year, thinking it would be my last as I played out the string for a couple more years. Decent team, manager I have worked well with in the past, and a newly created position that looked like a natural fit for me doing work I would enjoy.

Unfortunately, my department suffers from quite a bit of shiny object syndrome and an overall lack of leadership (the leaders are too busy trying to be the workers and nobody can make a decision with 50 people weighing in). It never really impacted me before, I could still find my ways to get things done. But the shiny objects this year have undercut the resources that this new gig was going to rely on to be productive. I can't get anything accomplished and it's driving me insane. It makes it even worse that nobody seems to care whether I get anything done or not.

So needless to say it hasn't worked out the way it was supposed to and as a result I've been finding myself more and more miserable at work lately. I'm in uncharted territory, and part of me feels like if I didn't have what I have, I'd be a good little soldier and just deal with it. But today I found myself  on the verge of sending my boss a career changing kind of email (my company doesn't exactly embrace brutal honesty...it's a conservative old school kinda place) and even after I thought better of sending it, I spent the rest of the day debating whether I should just call it a career and quit. I've dreamed of retiring many an afternoon, but never quitting.

I've never considered myself to be a quitter, I always find a way. Kinda wish right now I didn't have that easy button right there begging me to tap out - the option feels like a burden because I don't want to consider it until it's time. Anyone else feel this way? Or do I just need to take a deep breath, go for a hike, and chill the eff out.

PhrugalPhan

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2018, 07:47:10 PM »
Welcome to my world.  I got put on what I call the project from hell 2 years ago.  About the same time my 'stache hit serious proportions.   Some people might like this chaos but it has been driving me crazy.  For the past 6 months I have tried to get booted off of this thing, and told the team lead I want off this mess (even in large team meetings), to no avail.  If I didn't have my good sized 'stache I probably could take this all better and just be resigned about it.  And really I would leave now but I have golden handcuffs and my house needs upgrades / fixes that will take 6 months or so of earnings.  And like you I don't like quitting, so doing that would gnaw at me for a long time.

This is no way to be, but at work they are insistent they want no one but me on this "important" project.  Gawd, I am really at the point I have no incentive to even try to do a good job.  I've been looking for places to transfer to, but no luck as any place I could reasonably transfer to is under the same people that got me on this to start with (think many levels above me), and they wouldn't let me go.

Sorry I don't have any helpful ideas other than being miserable with your boss if you have no fear of being let go.  Maybe they will tire of your attitude and get you moved somewhere else.  Though I can say even that hasn't worked for me.  Right now I'm stumped.   I take extra long lunches at the employee gym, and no one will say a thing to me as long as I am on this mess.   This is not how I wanted to end my working years.

Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2018, 08:11:51 PM »
Definitely sounds similar. My boss loves me, my Christmas present showed up at the house a few minutes after I almost sent that email haha. I don't need a friend though, I need a manager willing to speak up and help get me the support I need to do the job they hired me for, but I don't think she likes to upset the herd.

I keep trying to get myself to just slack off and let it go, but I struggle with that. If I bang my head against the wall trying to get things done, I feel like I still get to keep my self image as a good employee, and this is the company's fault. Once I check out, that's all on me, and it's a slippery slope I've always tried to stay away from since I work from home mostly. 

Either way, there are clearly worse problems to have, thanks for sharing.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2018, 08:18:25 PM »
OP (Mike in NH), please define "shiny object syndrome", it seems to be a negative feature for management, but it's not clear exactly  YOU mean by it. I'm getting an ADHD sort of vibe out of the phrase.

PhrugalPhan, True FU Money says you can walk out at any time, for any reason, and still be OK during a search for another job (but not quite FIRE).
Best idea I have for you is really beat the bushes (not just a wet finger to determine which the wind is blowing ie lame search) for a new job, then walk.

I was sitting at my cube wondering "WTF am I doing here" while looking at my spreadsheet (30x and more stache).  Other employment at the likely local place didn't interest me in any way, as  I'd already spent 9.5  years there, and wondered why (a) I hadn't lost it (b) why my bosses/coworkers hadn't lost it because of me.    The worst thing you can do is complain and do nothing.

Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2018, 08:28:50 PM »
My version of shiny object syndrome: ever watch a little kids soccer game? Where instead of playing positions there is just a swarm frantically chasing the ball around the field? That is what my organization feels like sometimes. Only a new ball/shiny object shows up shortly after and then the swarm goes to chase that one instead.

Everything is a priority as soon as it arrives and the priorities change weekly. But it takes months to accomplish anything due to our culture and systems, which is a maddening gap.

Re: Complaining and doing nothing. That's where the misery comes in. I don't like being this person right now. Once I have a year in the role I can post for a new job, that's still a few months out but I've been working on having something lined up for day 366.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?n
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2018, 09:45:21 PM »
My version of shiny object syndrome: ever watch a little kids soccer game? Where instead of playing positions there is just a swarm frantically chasing the ball around the field? That is what my organization feels like sometimes. Only a new ball/shiny object shows up shortly after and then the swarm goes to chase that one instead.

Everything is a priority as soon as it arrives and the priorities change weekly. But it takes months to accomplish anything due to our culture and systems, which is a maddening gap.

Re: Complaining and doing nothing. That's where the misery comes in. I don't like being this person right now. Once I have a year in the role I can post for a new job, that's still a few months out but I've been working on having something lined up for day 366.

as I noted to PhrugalPhan, jobs likely exist outside of your organization/ corporation.

Thanks for the definition. Much like I thought. The grandkids are 6 and 4.,and the soccer play is as you described it.  But don't forget the kids who totally zone out as the play goes right past them.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2018, 10:18:17 PM »
Remember that FU Money comes before FI  (Financial Independence).
If you have FU money, you'll still need a job at some point (days,weeks months, years), just not the next day to make the rent. 

https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/epic-fu-money-stories

An even better question is Anyone Feel Like FI Can Be a Burden?
As I've experienced and read on this forum, at FI, bullshit tolerance goes way way down.

FU money gives you the chance to escape intolerable situation.
FI Money wonders why you're still in a irritating situation.

MrThatsDifferent

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2018, 07:22:24 AM »
The whole point of FU money is you can send those brutally honest emails your company hates because, whatís the worst that can happen? They fire you, they change or they do nothing? Either way you have nothing to lose because you have FU money. Thatís the freedom.

And itís not an easy button, because you worked your ass off and focused to get to the point that you can say FU, when and how you please. You earned that right and that freedom. Light the fucking fire! Tell them what youíre not happy with and give them a solution that works for you and benefits the company. Donít just complain. Put together a business plan or a proposal and then put it on them to do something. You wanted to spice things up, well, nowís your chance. Act and if you donít like the consequences, leave and find what will make you happy. Thatís the power of FU, donít squander it and become as ineffective with your own career as the company youíre annoyed at.

dude

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2018, 07:46:58 AM »
People talk about the power that comes with having FU money, but right now it almost feels like more of a burden to me.

I've never not liked my job. It was never my dream, but it pays the bills and is allowing me to achieve my dreams. Pursuing FI was always more about chasing the freedom than trying to escape the grind.

I've been chugging along at my company for about 15 years, just doing my thing and happily going about my business. About every 3-5 years I tend to get a little bored so I took a new position at Megacorp this year, thinking it would be my last as I played out the string for a couple more years. Decent team, manager I have worked well with in the past, and a newly created position that looked like a natural fit for me doing work I would enjoy.

Unfortunately, my department suffers from quite a bit of shiny object syndrome and an overall lack of leadership (the leaders are too busy trying to be the workers and nobody can make a decision with 50 people weighing in). It never really impacted me before, I could still find my ways to get things done. But the shiny objects this year have undercut the resources that this new gig was going to rely on to be productive. I can't get anything accomplished and it's driving me insane. It makes it even worse that nobody seems to care whether I get anything done or not.

So needless to say it hasn't worked out the way it was supposed to and as a result I've been finding myself more and more miserable at work lately. I'm in uncharted territory, and part of me feels like if I didn't have what I have, I'd be a good little soldier and just deal with it. But today I found myself  on the verge of sending my boss a career changing kind of email (my company doesn't exactly embrace brutal honesty...it's a conservative old school kinda place) and even after I thought better of sending it, I spent the rest of the day debating whether I should just call it a career and quit. I've dreamed of retiring many an afternoon, but never quitting.

I've never considered myself to be a quitter, I always find a way. Kinda wish right now I didn't have that easy button right there begging me to tap out - the option feels like a burden because I don't want to consider it until it's time. Anyone else feel this way? Or do I just need to take a deep breath, go for a hike, and chill the eff out.

So let me get this straight -- you have FU money and are letting this job get you down? Man, it's a seller's market out there right now, so if you have FU money just GTFO and find something better. Am I missing something? I'm not clear exactly on what the "burden" is?

Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2018, 07:47:27 AM »
The whole point of FU money is you can send those brutally honest emails your company hates because, whatís the worst that can happen? They fire you, they change or they do nothing? Either way you have nothing to lose because you have FU money. Thatís the freedom.

And itís not an easy button, because you worked your ass off and focused to get to the point that you can say FU, when and how you please. You earned that right and that freedom. Light the fucking fire! Tell them what youíre not happy with and give them a solution that works for you and benefits the company. Donít just complain. Put together a business plan or a proposal and then put it on them to do something. You wanted to spice things up, well, nowís your chance. Act and if you donít like the consequences, leave and find what will make you happy. Thatís the power of FU, donít squander it and become as ineffective with your own career as the company youíre annoyed at.

Needed that. Thank you. *Gets up* *Puts on eye of the tiger* *Runs through brick (or soft cubicle, but brick sounds way better) wall*

GuitarStv

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2018, 07:55:44 AM »
I'm willing to unburden you of the FU money causing so much hardship.  PM me for transfer details.

markbike528CBX

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2018, 07:58:34 AM »
The whole point of FU money is you can send those brutally honest emails your company hates because, whatís the worst that can happen? They fire you, they change or they do nothing? Either way you have nothing to lose because you have FU money. Thatís the freedom.

And itís not an easy button, because you worked your ass off and focused to get to the point that you can say FU, when and how you please. You earned that right and that freedom. Light the fucking fire! Tell them what youíre not happy with and give them a solution that works for you and benefits the company. Donít just complain. Put together a business plan or a proposal and then put it on them to do something. You wanted to spice things up, well, nowís your chance. Act and if you donít like the consequences, leave and find what will make you happy. Thatís the power of FU, donít squander it and become as ineffective with your own career as the company youíre annoyed at.

Needed that. Thank you. *Gets up* *Puts on eye of the tiger* *Runs through brick (or soft cubicle, but brick sounds way better) wall*

And health benefits ensue. The Onion said it so it must be true.

https://www.theonion.com/health-experts-recommend-standing-up-at-desk-leaving-o-1819577456

Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #12 on: December 14, 2018, 08:03:52 AM »
Dude, you are right, I think I'm just having a Shawshank get busy livin/dyin moment with myself...and now the forum. Like I said before I've always been pretty happy with my job. Never had to consider the nuclear option. I think I've just been feeling the weight of the decision for the first time. 15 years in a comfortable spot and suddenly after a few bad months I'm in an unfamiliar spot. Wasn't prepared for the clearly established plan to change, but life happens and I have to deal with it. Always better to have options than not, I wasn't trying to have a pity party as much as I was interested in the psychology and if other people had experienced the same thing.

I wanted to skydive for years. That doesn't mean when that door opened and it was time I didn't have a 'do i really want to do this' moment. 


Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #13 on: December 14, 2018, 08:19:55 AM »
I'm willing to unburden you of the FU money causing so much hardship.  PM me for transfer details.

I'm working on this thing with a prince over in Africa right now, but once that is squared away I'll definitely reach out!

undercover

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #14 on: December 14, 2018, 08:21:53 AM »
Yes I think money in general can be a burden. I've been thinking about this a lot actually. As someone who hasn't worked traditional employment in over three years, I can tell you that simply leaving a job is not freedom. It's all psychological. Mo' money mo' problems. Limited choices is actually a good thing. Money opens up a plethora of choices, especially in today's world. There's a paradox of choice.

A lot of people say jobs become more tolerable when you know you can quit them at anytime and be fine. I disagree completely. They become more intolerable to me. To good parts of a job stay the same while the bad parts are amplified. Bad parts are tolerable and you may even psychologically spin it as a positive when you know there isn't much choice.

I actually think the entire process of figuring out retiring/retiring early is a burden as well. Instead of relying on a job, you're relying on your money. I think what you'll find is there really isn't such a thing as freedom. We're constantly dependent on something. But I think that in itself is the most freeing part: to quit placing so much emphasis on anything at all. To stop giving a shit about everything and focus on a few things. True freedom is focus/concentration/limitation.

I'm a red panda

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #15 on: December 14, 2018, 08:23:48 AM »
If you ever feel like having too much money is a burden, that is a very easy problem to solve.

There are many wonderful organizations you can give it to.  Or have a big bonfire.   

Now your burden has lifted.

Chrissy

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #16 on: December 14, 2018, 09:27:19 AM »
You're Institutionalized, and you've gotten this all turned around:  the money is not the burden; the job is the burden.  Quitting one time doesn't make you a quitter; quitting multiple times, and over minor stuff, makes you a quitter.  You've really tried with this place, but it's just not working, so it's okay to decide you've got a limit, a boundary.

I'm with @MrThatsDifferent , use the FU Money to negotiate something palatable for yourself and beneficial for the company.  If your employer can't come through, walk.  And, if you're also in the position to ER, I wouldn't worry so much about finding another position first (or ever again).

AccidentalMiser

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #17 on: December 14, 2018, 09:32:18 AM »
You're Institutionalized, and you've gotten this all turned around:  the money is not the burden; the job is the burden.  Quitting one time doesn't make you a quitter; quitting multiple times, and over minor stuff, makes you a quitter.  You've really tried with this place, but it's just not working, so it's okay to decide you've got a limit, a boundary.

I'm with @MrThatsDifferent , use the FU Money to negotiate something palatable for yourself and beneficial for the company.  If your employer can't come through, walk.  And, if you're also in the position to ER, I wouldn't worry so much about finding another position first (or ever again).

I agree with this.  Take your FU money and either fix whatís busted with your current position or find a different one.  Money is power.  With power comes responsibility.  Your BS threshold has been lowered and your alarm bells are telling you something is amiss.  DO something about it instead of complaining to the internet.

And have a great day!

Basenji

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #18 on: December 14, 2018, 09:41:57 AM »
Nope.

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6v_eSNVxec

EscapeVelocity2020

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #19 on: December 14, 2018, 10:05:33 AM »
I can commiserate up to a point.  Having the money to leave does exaggerate what once used to be isolated bad days.  For instance, I got what I thought was an unfair performance review and in the back of my mind during the meeting and the rest of the week, I'm thinking like a petulant child "won't it surprise them when I just stop showing up!  How's that for poor performance!!".  But I cooled off and it turned out that everyone got a low review that year because the industry was slow.  It was a crappy way for the company to handle it, but walking out would have similarly been short-sighted on my part.

On the flip-side, the following year I made sure my displeasure about how the company handled performance reviews was unacceptable.  If they fired me over that, then that was their choice, but I was standing up for my colleagues that were financially obligated to suck it up. 

Was this new dynamic in my working life a burden?  Just depends on your perspective on it, but personally I preferred this 'burden' to my pre-FU days when I got treated like crap and had to take it.  So yeah, you probably won't get much sympathy from the masses, but you are seeing what some FIRE folks refer to as a 'dark side' of being financially free and having more options to consider / less requirement to put up with BS.

Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #20 on: December 14, 2018, 10:16:22 AM »

markbike528CBX

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2018, 10:19:58 AM »
James Earl Jones - Darth Vader voice:  Feel the power of the FU Money!

edit spelling.

....And I was never here.  (same voice: as Admiral James Greer in Hunt for Red October).
« Last Edit: December 14, 2018, 10:25:44 AM by markbike528CBX »

Mike in NH

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #22 on: December 14, 2018, 10:23:21 AM »
You're Institutionalized, and you've gotten this all turned around:  the money is not the burden; the job is the burden.  Quitting one time doesn't make you a quitter; quitting multiple times, and over minor stuff, makes you a quitter.  You've really tried with this place, but it's just not working, so it's okay to decide you've got a limit, a boundary.

I'm with @MrThatsDifferent , use the FU Money to negotiate something palatable for yourself and beneficial for the company.  If your employer can't come through, walk.  And, if you're also in the position to ER, I wouldn't worry so much about finding another position first (or ever again).

I agree with this.  Take your FU money and either fix whatís busted with your current position or find a different one.  Money is power.  With power comes responsibility.  Your BS threshold has been lowered and your alarm bells are telling you something is amiss.  DO something about it instead of complaining to the internet.

And have a great day!

Not sure if it is basic human nature or just a me thing, but when my fight or flight gets triggered I have a bad tendency to paint myself into black/white, right/wrong, binary this or that options way too quickly. Narrow framing isn't what got me to this point in my life, thinking beyond the box is. 

I appreciate everyone's input and kicks in the ass.

use2betrix

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #23 on: December 14, 2018, 10:23:51 AM »
I find my F U money helps a ton. Iíve taken a couple sabbaticals and when finding new jobs returning, Iíve found it to help me negotiate rates/hours that I later found were far better than my coworkers. I was hourly at one job getting 50 hrs a week (I wanted the OT). When I started, everyone who had been there forever were only allowed to work 40. It pissed off a LOT of people.

I told them simply, ďthe difference is, I wouldnít be here right now for 40 hrs a week. You accepted that when you were hired. When I was hired I said I wasnít interested unless it was the 50 hrs.Ē

After the next sabbatical I also negotiated $10/hr more than I would have previously accepted because I had that F U money.

On my current job, my bosses are well aware of my previous sabbaticals and obvious situation of being fine with not working. In several casual discussions Iíve mentioned ďworse case scenario I have to go travel the world again.Ē Lol.

Well - Iíve only been at my current position 6 months and just this month I was given a $40k raise I didnít ask for. I already felt very fairly compensated. While itís absolutely a reflection of the work Iíve been doing, I canít help but also think itís some added security for them to keep me on board. ďPay him such a stupid amount heíll put up with a lot.Ē Lol. Thereís some truth there. At my age with the income theyíre paying me, even with F U money theyíre sure making it hard to walk away! Fortunately the job has been going pretty well and I have some amazing supportive bosses.

AccidentalMiser

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #24 on: December 14, 2018, 10:36:35 AM »
You're Institutionalized, and you've gotten this all turned around:  the money is not the burden; the job is the burden.  Quitting one time doesn't make you a quitter; quitting multiple times, and over minor stuff, makes you a quitter.  You've really tried with this place, but it's just not working, so it's okay to decide you've got a limit, a boundary.

I'm with @MrThatsDifferent , use the FU Money to negotiate something palatable for yourself and beneficial for the company.  If your employer can't come through, walk.  And, if you're also in the position to ER, I wouldn't worry so much about finding another position first (or ever again).

I agree with this.  Take your FU money and either fix whatís busted with your current position or find a different one.  Money is power.  With power comes responsibility.  Your BS threshold has been lowered and your alarm bells are telling you something is amiss.  DO something about it instead of complaining to the internet.

And have a great day!

Not sure if it is basic human nature or just a me thing, but when my fight or flight gets triggered I have a bad tendency to paint myself into black/white, right/wrong, binary this or that options way too quickly. Narrow framing isn't what got me to this point in my life, thinking beyond the box is. 

I appreciate everyone's input and kicks in the ass.

I do the same thing.  Sometimes itís just good to be able to vent.  Weíre here for you!

dude

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #25 on: December 14, 2018, 10:45:35 AM »
Dude, you are right, I think I'm just having a Shawshank get busy livin/dyin moment with myself...and now the forum. Like I said before I've always been pretty happy with my job. Never had to consider the nuclear option. I think I've just been feeling the weight of the decision for the first time. 15 years in a comfortable spot and suddenly after a few bad months I'm in an unfamiliar spot. Wasn't prepared for the clearly established plan to change, but life happens and I have to deal with it. Always better to have options than not, I wasn't trying to have a pity party as much as I was interested in the psychology and if other people had experienced the same thing.

I wanted to skydive for years. That doesn't mean when that door opened and it was time I didn't have a 'do i really want to do this' moment.

haha!  Like the analogy!  Good luck!

soccerluvof4

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #26 on: December 14, 2018, 01:07:59 PM »
Very seldom does someone get to the point your talking about and it turns around without a major change within the company or leaving. Bottom line if you stay status quo you will probably become more miserable. Like the Kansas Album you are at "The point of no return" imo.

Kroaler

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Re: Anyone Feel Like FU Money Can Be a Burden?
« Reply #27 on: December 17, 2018, 10:17:05 AM »
I like the FU money.  I perform my job to the best of my ability without fear of who I upset.

Many of my peers are I intimidated because I do things differently because I have no fear of being let go.

It shows.... I like it....   

In the end... I get shit done that's been grid locked for months.