Taking up a second job - convincing the husband

[Kitsunegari]

So, I have a job I love in a company I despise and that pays peanuts. My husband recently started his own company, but for the moment it gives him more headache than cash. We don't have children, but we bought a house last year.
I work full time 9 to 5 and I'm not even close to FI, so I really don't feel like jeopardizing my current job, but I want to find a second job to work during the w-e to pay off faster our new house, and to have a second fix income to support us, if my DH's company doesn't take off, or ruins him.
I already ventilated the hypothesis with him, but he's opposed to it for complantypants reasons: he's worried I'll get too tired, that I'll miss my free time, that we won't have enough time to spend together. Nevermind that we spend the time together talking about how to pay all the bills...
How can I convince him that this is a good idea?

Also: I held multiple jobs in the past (ok, 10 years ago...) and I managed well, and also got extra self-esteem out of it. Working and managing well my money have always been a source of pride for me, and earning peanuts in this job ain't helping me feel like I'm adulting, but there is really little money to be made in my industry.

[AZDude]

Without kids, a second job should be fairly easy. The good part is that you can quit it whenever you want.

[Runrooster]

I wonder if the real question is that DH will be expected to pick up the slack on household work.  Ive held multiple jobs when I was also studying, and the extra jobs were fun, plus a way to give myself a study break.  I was definitely stretched thin, and that was with a walking commute to all jobs and a small apartment and only myself to answer to.  Food was a lot of "vat o chili" or "omelets made in bulk" etc.  I did become sort of undatable in that I couldn't fathom spending 8 hours (or whatever) just relaxing.  You didn't mention savings or what kind of turnaround time is expected in the new company.

[partgypsy]

Normally I do like these kind of decisions to be a joint mutual decision. If your husband was bringing in significant income and your prior agreement was that you be home for domestic or other reasons, I could see having a discussion.

But ultimately it is your decision and your reasons are sound, as starting a business is risky. You can always re-evaluate after time passes. My husband is working more to pay our child's private school tuition hours, so now we have 0 days off together. It can kind of suck; we do have kids and I miss us having a "weekend" off together, but we made adjustments like trying to make sure we have dinners together during the week, things like that so we still have quality time.

[norabird]

Worrying about losing time together is not a complainypants reason. In fact, none of his reasons are--they all show him to be very caring and concerned for you first and foremost.

If you hate your job and it pays little, why not focus on getting a new, better job?

[Kitsunegari]

I have savings but I prioritize my retirement/emergency fund over paying off the mortgage. We're not desperate for money, but I'm earning much less than I could. I hope it's not a matter of not wanting to do more around the house, because that's a silly reason and I think he's better than that. Also, we're just 2 adults and our standards are not terribly high, so the evenings should suffice to take care of the chores.

[Runrooster]

I dont know  much about Canadian tax law but in the US it is much better for unmarried couples to have their own income.  That said, I'm not sure I could put more than half into a mortgage without that piece of paper, in any country.  I have to wonder if Dh should be looking for that weekend job?  Or weekday?  What if you both put weekends into the business until it got off the ground? 

[WildJager]

I agree with your husband.  Time now together is valuable.  If your job isn't making ends meet, then think more strategically about how to earn more income in a reasonable work week.  Adding more hours to get more pay, while tactically sound, will churn through your life.  Alone time and family time is important.

I'm not one to say that "saving money is stupid because you might die tomorrow!". But I'd never say that spending all of your free time working for FI is the correct choice either.  Life, to me, is about balance. 

But I'm coming from the perspective of almost losing my spouse to an accident, so I might be a bit one sided.

[letired]

I'm going to echo some of what the above posters said. Unless it is insanely unfeasible for some reason, I'd look at a better paying job first.

[TravelJunkyQC]

Have you thought of a second job as a freelancer? I'm currently in the same situation as you. I recently started a second job for income, and also because my partner is often away for work. However, the fact that it is freelance that I work on from my home (copywriter), means that when he IS home, I can spend time with him. I completely understand your desire to make more money, and I believe it is very important, but don't ignore the importance of spending time together as well - and relaxing. Maybe find something you can do that doesn't require a strict schedule?

[norabird]

I would also say that maybe your thinking this second income is necessary seems to him like you lack faith in him, and hurts accordingly. Of course many businesses do fail and it's not crazy to want to have a fallback plan if you lose his income or all doesn't go as planned. But in a way you are saying 'I expect you to fail' by insisting you need this extra income.

[LouLou]

Is there a reason why you are earning less than you could? Why are you staying at a low paying job?  Finding a better paying main gig should be priority number one.  I think it would help you much better in the long run.

[The_path_less_taken]

I would also say that maybe your thinking this second income is necessary seems to him like you lack faith in him, and hurts accordingly. Of course many businesses do fail and it's not crazy to want to have a fallback plan if you lose his income or all doesn't go as planned. But in a way you are saying 'I expect you to fail' by insisting you need this extra income.

You scared me norabird: this happened to me once! I just read some of your posts and tried to figure out if I knew you!

OP, I think most people work side hustles when they're trying to pay off a house, unless one or the other is bringing in a mega huge income. Just the way the housing market has evolved.

I agree somewhat with the people saying to get one good job. But I live in a rural community and there really aren't any grown up jobs here, except in government. So not sure if you're just not finding something that works for you, or what.

I might have missed what his new gig is that is causing your concern but...what if you helped at it? Would that affect the income?

Bottom line, life is short. If you'd feel better bringing in more bucks and can figure a way to do so...convince him.

You've already convinced me.   ;-0

[Kitsunegari]

I currently work as translator, I love the job but but it's a low-paying industry. Furthermore I don't have any official qualification to do it, and I have an exclusivity contract with my current company, so I can't just go freelancer and it's difficult to find a better job because other companies require a translator's degree. It's a bit of a catch-22, so I'm thinking of changing job altogether and work freelancer for my current company, but I can't quit our only stable income without.
The fear that paralyzes me is that I find another job, I quit my current employer, then the new job tells me I failed the probation period or something, so I find myself unemployed. I know sometimes you have to take risks, but this is not the moment.
My DH is a goldsmith, so I can't help in the actual job, and I'm plain terrible in administration, so my attempts to collaborate to his business have been almost disastrous and created a lot of tension between the 2 of us.

[norabird]

I would definitely look for a second FT job and then work for the old one as a freelancer once taking the new one. The chances of your failing the probationary period are low and this would let you have more income while still doing what you love.

In the meantime during your job hunt, maybe take up the side hustle on the condition that if it really disrupts your relationship you will quit, and build in some separate times to bond. It seems like your husband's new business is causing you some anxiety and that when this expresses itself in your actions/behavior to your husband, it causes tension between you, so I'd try to work on how you guys communicate about this stuff too. I am assuming your worries are triggering his defensiveness, but you can probably find a way to discuss your concerns about money in a way where no one goes away feeling upset.