Something nice about your non-Mustachian SO

[EMP]

There are a lot of questions about getting a SO on board with the lifestyle.  It seems like most of the answers tend towards DTMFA and that makes me sad.  I realize that financial compatibility is important, but some things are more equally important.

With that said, what is something awesome about your non-Mustachian or even (god-forbid) spendy SO. 

Mine is an incredibly talented musician.  He always knows how to make me laugh and is completely devoted to our family.  He has also come a looong way financially in a relatively short time.  I'm glad when he puts up with me being impatient for him to see money matters the way I do. 

What's yours?

[Dr.Vibrissae]

The Mr. is incredibly funny (better yet he laughs at my jokes), an excellent and enthusiastic cook, intelligent (even if he's terrible with numbers), affectionate, kind, generous, loves kids and animals and puts up with my bouts of crazy like a champ.  Also he's pretty cute.

[MakingSenseofCents]

Love this. There are so many great things about my SO. To relate mine to money, he helps me enjoy our money also. I have become such a freak about saving every last penny and I usually hate to spend money on myself.

[EMP]

I agree! Thank you for starting this thread.

You're welcome.  I figured we could use a hit from the old Optimism Gun. 

[oldtoyota]

I like happy threads!

Writes me love notes
Intelligent
Good looking
Good cook
Essentially frugal (yes, yes, I know)
Expresses appreciation for things I do
Excellent parenting abilities
Extremely supportive of my goals
Good judge of others

[Rebecca Stapler]

My spouse is:

A fabulous parent: Loving, thoughtful, and playful
A great teammate in our marriage: Willing to communicate, make decisions together, and celebrate the small victories
Very skilled, which makes for a lucrative side hustle 

[Tony_SS]

MY SO is a great wife and mother. When she spends, its at thrift shops at least. She is spend happy, but on cheap stuff. "Look what I got, it was on clearance for .50!" Me... WHY????

During the school year she earns good money though. She's very giving with the funds too... not materialistic.

[caligulala]

One of the reasons I don't frequent these forums as much as I otherwise might is the "my way or the highway" attitude that seems to be so prevalent among the posters. Thank you for starting a positive thread!

Neither my husband nor I are natural mustachians. We both are fairly spendy on certain things, but we've worked as a team to rein ourselves in so that we could live on one not so big income while our kids are small. He's:

Generous
Doesn't keep score
Intelligent
Thoughtful
Funny
Best daddy in the whole world
Supportive
Great work ethic
Does the dishes so I don't have to do my least favorite chore
Adapts well to change
Awesome on the fly cook
Jumps in to help anyone and everyone

I love him! So what if he wants to spend a little more than I would on beer? Relationships only work long term if both partners are willing to compromise here and there. Good luck with your non-compromise stance, DTMFA crew.

[Osprey]

This is a great thread! I have complainypantsed re: my SO one or two times on this forum, but he's pretty awesome actually. My SO:
- is aware of problematic gender norms and the fact that we've both internalised them to some degree, tries his best to create a balanced household, doesn't get defensive or angry when I mention things like "the second shift"
- is super intelligent, has integrity and easily gains people's respect
- supports all my crazy ideas, even when one of them was "sit around doing nothing for a couple of months"
- brings me coffee in bed on the weekend so that I can spend the morning catching up on my blogs
- likes cats

w00t!

[DocCyane]

My SO has an encyclopedic knowledge of plants, trees and bugs and is an expert propagator.

When we finally get a house and some land, our yard will be a food forest that feeds us and others. Her talent is a dying art and I am so proud of her.

I only wish her skills were valued in the marketplace so she could earn a decent living and be validated.

[Dr.Vibrissae]

I love him! So what if he wants to spend a little more than I would on beer?

1+
Sometimes I get caught up in 'Tiny detail exaggeration Syndrome' over the beer and frozen treats spending, haha.  The Mr. is spendier than I am for sure, but he's not materialistic, and I sometimes just need to remind myself that I'm pretty lucky if all it takes to please him is a 12 pack and a box of popsicles.

[lifejoy]

My SO forces me to have fun! :D

We go to concerts and movies once in a blue moon, things that I'd be too frugal to do if I were single.

[wepner]

There are a lot of questions about getting a SO on board with the lifestyle.  It seems like most of the answers tend towards DTMFA and that makes me sad.  I realize that financial compatibility is important, but some things are more equally important.

With that said, what is something awesome about your non-Mustachian or even (god-forbid) spendy SO. 

Mine is an incredibly talented musician.  He always knows how to make me laugh and is completely devoted to our family.  He has also come a looong way financially in a relatively short time.  I'm glad when he puts up with me being impatient for him to see money matters the way I do. 

What's yours?

Not to shit in this topic (I definitely like the positive nature of it) but is there a lot if people here who advise dumping someone because they spend too much?

Maybe there are (I don't read every post here) but the main concern I would have if someone was complaining about their SO's spending is the fact that the two of them couldn't reach some sort of agreement or understanding. But otherwise yeah I agree finances are important but not worth eliminating people just because they spend more than you.

My gf used to spend a lot of money before she met me. I met her before I started reading MMM and started really making an effort to save. Since ice told her about my goals for saving for our future she has been saving around 1,000 dollars per month so it's hard for me to worry that she spends a lot getting her nails done or haircut. She's awesome.

Edited to add that her saving money is not even close to the only reason I think she's awesome. I love her worldview she's funny and cute and motivated and open minded. She makes everything more fun.

[impaire]

He is creative, generous, supportive, funny, good-looking, a feminist, the most attentive husband ever, hard-working, self-directed, patient, a fantastic son, brave, wicked smart, sarcastic, always learning, and a fabulous amateur mixologist...

... yes he definitely will pay through the nose for comfort, and has expensive hobbies, but I would work until the day I die rather than not having met him!

[rockstache]

Oh I love this thread! My SO is SUCH a hard worker. I can definitely tend towards the lazy but he is so driven and has such amazing willpower that it keeps me in check. I love his attitude towards our life together, how committed he is to us, and how he shows me his love everyday in his actions. He is so so perfect for me!

[Insanity]

Maybe there are (I don't read every post here) but the main concern I would have if someone was complaining about their SO's spending is the fact that the two of them couldn't reach some sort of agreement or understanding. But otherwise yeah I agree finances are important but not worth eliminating people just because they spend more than you.

Generally, what you see are that people associate an unwillingness to agree or understand the situation of the couple/family as a view of selfishness.  For instance, my wife and I agreed to how much we would spend on gifts.  She spent 2x what we normally did on her mom's birthday and we didn't do anything for my dad's birthday.  I tried to talk to her about it and she kept trying to pin it back on me.  There's lots of other situations in our marriage that show this. We have serious issues that are just getting pushed under the rug more and more and the debt is piling up.

So it isn't specifically the financial issue, it's the underlying reason that is the cause of those posts.

As far as my SO -
She is extremely smart and can usually pick things up pretty quickly
She wants to do a lot as a family
She can usually battle in wits (though sometimes she is too sensitive)
She is very close with her family

[pom]

My wife:

Loving and caring
A beauty in and out with a unique and cute sense of style
A great cook ... stuffed tomatoes anyone?
Intelligent, hardworking, dedicated, focussed
Friendly and attentive to the need of others, generous
I love that when she does something new she starts all afraid but she keeps at it until she is satisfied with herself. It just amazes me that each time when I think that she is about to give up she finds a second wind. She doesn't look it but she is a fighter.
And, she puts up with me ... that is pretty unique!

[EMP]

There are a lot of questions about getting a SO on board with the lifestyle.  It seems like most of the answers tend towards DTMFA and that makes me sad.  I realize that financial compatibility is important, but some things are more equally important.

With that said, what is something awesome about your non-Mustachian or even (god-forbid) spendy SO. 

Mine is an incredibly talented musician.  He always knows how to make me laugh and is completely devoted to our family.  He has also come a looong way financially in a relatively short time.  I'm glad when he puts up with me being impatient for him to see money matters the way I do. 

What's yours?

Not to shit in this topic (I definitely like the positive nature of it) but is there a lot if people here who advise dumping someone because they spend too much?

Maybe there are (I don't read every post here) but the main concern I would have if someone was complaining about their SO's spending is the fact that the two of them couldn't reach some sort of agreement or understanding. But otherwise yeah I agree finances are important but not worth eliminating people just because they spend more than you.

My gf used to spend a lot of money before she met me. I met her before I started reading MMM and started really making an effort to save. Since ice told her about my goals for saving for our future she has been saving around 1,000 dollars per month so it's hard for me to worry that she spends a lot getting her nails done or haircut. She's awesome.

Edited to add that her saving money is not even close to the only reason I think she's awesome. I love her worldview she's funny and cute and motivated and open minded. She makes everything more fun.

I think it's more about the fact that people start those kinds of threads when they're upset, and, since we only see one side of the story, the natural inclination is to side with the person that originally posted.  It's also easy to forget what a huge shift from the norm this is once you have drunk the Kool Aid, so it's hard to remember that some folks have a harder transition, or will never fully embrace the concept.  And even if they never come around, you can still probably work something out so everyone can go home a winner. 

The important thing, IMO, is to remind yourself of the positive qualities your SO has so that you can separate the temporary irritation and frustration from *actual* fundamental incompatibility. 

[appleaddict]

Hi,
I'm new here but thought this was an interesting post.  My SO directed me to MMM.  I think maybe as a joke because he is quite spendy but maybe he is trying to change his ways I sure hope so :)

[EMP]

There are a lot of questions about getting a SO on board with the lifestyle.  It seems like most of the answers tend towards DTMFA and that makes me sad.  I realize that financial compatibility is important, but some things are more equally important.

With that said, what is something awesome about your non-Mustachian or even (god-forbid) spendy SO. 

Mine is an incredibly talented musician.  He always knows how to make me laugh and is completely devoted to our family.  He has also come a looong way financially in a relatively short time.  I'm glad when he puts up with me being impatient for him to see money matters the way I do. 

What's yours?

Not to shit in this topic (I definitely like the positive nature of it) but is there a lot if people here who advise dumping someone because they spend too much?

Maybe there are (I don't read every post here) but the main concern I would have if someone was complaining about their SO's spending is the fact that the two of them couldn't reach some sort of agreement or understanding. But otherwise yeah I agree finances are important but not worth eliminating people just because they spend more than you.

My gf used to spend a lot of money before she met me. I met her before I started reading MMM and started really making an effort to save. Since ice told her about my goals for saving for our future she has been saving around 1,000 dollars per month so it's hard for me to worry that she spends a lot getting her nails done or haircut. She's awesome.

Edited to add that her saving money is not even close to the only reason I think she's awesome. I love her worldview she's funny and cute and motivated and open minded. She makes everything more fun.

I think it's more about the fact that people start those kinds of threads when they're upset, and, since we only see one side of the story, the natural inclination is to side with the person that originally posted.  It's also easy to forget what a huge shift from the norm this is once you have drunk the Kool Aid, so it's hard to remember that some folks have a harder transition, or will never fully embrace the concept.  And even if they never come around, you can still probably work something out so everyone can go home a winner. 

The important thing, IMO, is to remind yourself of the positive qualities your SO has so that you can separate the temporary irritation and frustration from *actual* fundamental incompatibility.

Just realized I never answered you question.  I've seen quite a few threads that the majority of the responses are "dump that jerk".  I think financial forums are more likely to attract people that want to solve problems instead of empathize.  So you post a topic looking to vent and get back a bunch of responses saying you two must be incompatible.  It's very sad making. 

[wepner]

Yeah that's definitely a fair point.

It is funny though that even people in your daily life will be a lot quicker to pull the trigger on the "dump them" gun. I wonder how often the person on the outside has a more "objective" view that could help them make a more "reasonable" decision and how often they are acting on fairly limited information and making a bold decision because they don't have as much of a stake in the relationship as the people that are actually involved.