Mind / Impression about work changing every day

[duyen]

Hi guys,

Background: I am in this weird situation. I am a programmer / engineer by profession and have been working for past 15 years. Introvert and also find it tough to deal with "aggressive" people at work (coworkers or bosses). I kept changing jobs several times in my career due to this problem. Almost 15 jobs in 15 years. Each time I start a new job, I find someone troublesome (I personally don't bother anyone and try to be respectful) and have stress because of them. I come home and keep thinking, complain to the manager, complain directly to that person etc but eventually move out.

I am also typical FIRE mindset guy who doesn't like monday mornings and work in general. I am in early 40s and am the only breadwinner for my family. I also have diabetes and other health issues and have mild to moderate body pains almost every day. I am at 900k and still have 3-5 years before I can FIRE. That's for my background.

These days I feel something happened to me. Every day I come home I am either over happy or over frustrated with my job. Small things are making me happy and sad and the reason changes almost on a daily basis. It is like my mind has become very touchy and is getting impressed upon every day. My current job and boss and colleagues (except one) are actually pretty decent.

Has this happened to anyone? Is it burnout? What can I do to avoid this? I am exercising every day, eating healthy and sleeping well

[mspym]

Hard to say if it is burnout but it might be you need to readjust your expectations and also find something else fun to think about. There will be annoying people everywhere and you don't seem to have tried learning how to care less about them. You are letting them have power over you when you could just pay them less mind. Why let them take up space in your brain like this?

So accept that there is no magical workplace in which no one is annoying. Secondly, why not try finding out things you like about the people you are irritated by? Everyone has something cool about them that you can like but you need to look for it. This will make it easier to bear, because now there is positive attributes to counterbalance the negative. Thirdly, find a neat hobby or two outside of work so it takes up less of your brainspace, which makes it easier to shake off your mood instead of fixating on it.

[Dee18]

Find a good therapist.  With that many different jobs you know that the issue is yours, not unique to a particular workplace.  A therapist can help you identify why your brain works the way it does and ways to deal with what makes your life more difficult.  Having a professional affirm that someone else's conduct is aggressive or inappropriate can also help you cope with it even when you cannot change that conduct.

[Just Joe]

You know what helped me? MMM discussion here in the forums about the "circles of influence/circle of concern". There are just things you can't change or affect. Don't worry about it and move on.

With such a short work future you need to recharge your "don't give a flip" muscle and power through your work days. Do a good job, silently judge the idiots, and enjoy your private life.

Someone else mentioned here recently that once the savings and investments get as large as yours you might be able to work part time without affecting your FIRE date too much b/c most of your savings growth is compound interest, not cash deposits.

[use2betrix]

Let me ask you this: Do you think the person is doing these things maliciously towards you, or is it just part of their personality that they seem to be unable to help?

[eljefe-speaks]

I would just say it's called being in your early 40's. I am too and I am mostly a mess. I am burned out but unfortunately I have many working years ahead of me. I do not identify as a person with my career, I have mild imposter syndrome, my demons haunt me a night, I mull all the time about what I want from life, and I fantasize about making a major shake up. I blame this mostly on my particular age.

[terran]

To paraphrase an old saying "If you run into an asshole at at one job, you ran into an asshole. If you run into an asshole at every job, you're the asshole." I don't mean this to say you're an asshole, just in the sense of "look first to yourself." If you find someone that grates on you at every job to the extent that you have to go find a new job every year, perhaps those people really aren't that bad, and you just need to work on your own reaction to mildly annoying people and situations.

[duyen]

I would just say it's called being in your early 40's. I am too and I am mostly a mess. I am burned out but unfortunately I have many working years ahead of me. I do not identify as a person with my career, I have mild imposter syndrome, my demons haunt me a night, I mull all the time about what I want from life, and I fantasize about making a major shake up. I blame this mostly on my particular age.

Thanks for the reply and camaraderie. Yes 40s seems to be the age when things start getting really difficult for most. Whatever our mental issues are they seem to multiply in effect and make it more difficult to hold our job. We are also expected to perform as a senior and lead others which can be a problem if we are introvert and not socially adept.

[duyen]

You know what helped me? MMM discussion here in the forums about the "circles of influence/circle of concern". There are just things you can't change or affect. Don't worry about it and move on.

With such a short work future you need to recharge your "don't give a flip" muscle and power through your work days. Do a good job, silently judge the idiots, and enjoy your private life.

Someone else mentioned here recently that once the savings and investments get as large as yours you might be able to work part time without affecting your FIRE date too much b/c most of your savings growth is compound interest, not cash deposits.

Thanks for the pointers, I will check those out. I have to develop the "don't give a flip" attitude and get through my years as you said. I am realizing "everything shall pass" and the problems my mind complains about today will not be there tomorrow. Instead of reacting to the outside world just learning to bear it and bide my time out

I'm not very keen on part time as I am afraid I'll be worse as time passes. I'm running out of my stable mind years and I better get the max out of them as quickly as possible.

[duyen]

Hard to say if it is burnout but it might be you need to readjust your expectations and also find something else fun to think about. There will be annoying people everywhere and you don't seem to have tried learning how to care less about them. You are letting them have power over you when you could just pay them less mind. Why let them take up space in your brain like this?

So accept that there is no magical workplace in which no one is annoying. Secondly, why not try finding out things you like about the people you are irritated by? Everyone has something cool about them that you can like but you need to look for it. This will make it easier to bear, because now there is positive attributes to counterbalance the negative. Thirdly, find a neat hobby or two outside of work so it takes up less of your brainspace, which makes it easier to shake off your mood instead of fixating on it.

I think a hobby outside workplace is the one missing. Currently my life is one of these: 1) I am working 2) reading up on FIRE forums on how to get out of work quicker 3) Changing the numbers and calculations on my time to fire spreadsheet

I need something where my focus goes more and I can forget work

[Car Jack]

I found in my 40's, I questioned..."Am I doing anything really important with my life?".  In my 50's, it became more..."Let's just do the job as well as I can".  Now, in my 60's it's "Who cares?".  I guess having gone beyond my FI number helps.  I definately sit back and laugh at things that used to bother me.  My company tends to spend great, inordinate amounts of time naming things.  Some spiffy name MUST be found for an upcoming sales training meeting for all the US.  Speaking to my boss's boss one day, I said to him, "you know, it really doesn't matter what you call it.  At a former job in a company 20 times our size, you know what they called this kind of meeting?  Sales Training Meeting".  He was unamused and I didn't care.  I still work here.

[dougules]

Find a good therapist.  With that many different jobs you know that the issue is yours, not unique to a particular workplace.  A therapist can help you identify why your brain works the way it does and ways to deal with what makes your life more difficult.  Having a professional affirm that someone else's conduct is aggressive or inappropriate can also help you cope with it even when you cannot change that conduct.

+1.  If your mood goes from really happy to really sad that easily, you probably need to look into your mental health. 

Also, a therapist might help you learn to be more assertive in dealing with bullies. 

I'm a firm believer that chronic stress and anxiety will wreck other aspects of your health.  I wouldn't be surprised if that was a factor in the diabetes and pain.  You can still get help with your mental health and coping skills now before it takes a toll on more aspects of your health.   

[Just Joe]

Hard to say if it is burnout but it might be you need to readjust your expectations and also find something else fun to think about. There will be annoying people everywhere and you don't seem to have tried learning how to care less about them. You are letting them have power over you when you could just pay them less mind. Why let them take up space in your brain like this?

So accept that there is no magical workplace in which no one is annoying. Secondly, why not try finding out things you like about the people you are irritated by? Everyone has something cool about them that you can like but you need to look for it. This will make it easier to bear, because now there is positive attributes to counterbalance the negative. Thirdly, find a neat hobby or two outside of work so it takes up less of your brainspace, which makes it easier to shake off your mood instead of fixating on it.

I think a hobby outside workplace is the one missing. Currently my life is one of these: 1) I am working 2) reading up on FIRE forums on how to get out of work quicker 3) Changing the numbers and calculations on my time to fire spreadsheet

I need something where my focus goes more and I can forget work

If you can - find something that provides fitness benefits. Like other things in life - optimize fitness, diet, budget, etc. Baby steps. Slow changes work too.