Single parent mustachian

[Singledadstach]

Hello everyone,

I apologize if this topic has already been discussed in the past but i didnt see any threads about being a mustachian as a single divorced parent.

A bit about me:

My wife and i split up 2 years ago.  Im 35 years old and have 2 kids which i have shared custody with.  Im trying to be as mustachian as possible but am having difficulty with a single income.  I will share my finincials and hope to hear from other single parents trying to retire ASAP.

Monthly take home income: 3,520

Monthly expenses: 3,140

mortgage - 1,040
Property tax - 200
Groceries - 600.......food is expensive here
Electricity - 100........so is energy
Gas - 150
Hot water heater - 30........purchasing a tank would cost 1,000
Kids after school program - 360
Swim class - 30......for kids
Toll roads - 100.....unavoidable
Condo fee - 165
Bank fee - 15......will eliminate shortly
Tv/internet - 100.........expensive in canada
Martial arts - 100.........life long goal
Piano lessons - 50.......kids
Life insurance - 50
Haircut - 20
Dry cleaning - 30

Monthly savings: 380

Also, i live in Canada in a small 3 bedroom townhouse.  I dont have any car or cell phone expenses as i have a company car and cell phone.

If anyone has any ideas of how to tighten my budget as a single dad or anything i might have omitted, i would love to hear from you.

Also, if you are a single parent please let me know how you are trying to be a mustachian. 

Thank you,

Singledadstach

[firewalker]

Your list made two things stand out. 1: Expensive place to live and evidently not real close to work, and 2: Expensive after school activities. You are the only one to know if these are worth the dollar or if there are less expensive ways of acquiring your needs in these areas.

[Singledadstach]

Thanks for the reply.

My house is the cheapest 3 bedroom house i could find in my area but at least 50k.  I do commute for work and i can move closer because i need to stay in town because of my kids and ex, also, the closer i move to work the most expensive housing is.

The afterschool program is for both kids.  It is basicslly just child care as i cant get to the school on time from work to pick them up.

Hope to hear from other single parent mustachians.

If i was single with no kids, my expenses would be significantly smaller.

Thanks again,

Singledadstach

[Argyle]

Food might be expensive but I bet you can cut that down some.  Do you cook a lot?  If not, could you start?  Even some quick hacks could save some money there.  For instance, around here the regular bread is $4.59 a loaf, the discount bread is $2.50 a loaf, and bread I make in the bread machine is 60 cents a loaf. (And better than the other two kinds.)  I got the bread machine at Goodwill for around $11. 

If you managed to cut your food expenses in half that would double your monthly savings rate.

Does your work not offer life insurance as part of the benefits package?

Do you have a programmable thermostat, or can you turn down the heat manually when you leave for work in the morning?

It may also be that the main way forward to more savings will be to develop some ways of producing extra income.

[11ducks]

Welcome. I'm a single mother to a DS, 11. I was lucky in that I knew, from the get go, that I would likely be a single parent, and planned life accordingly. My career, in teaching, while not my dream job, is stable, permanent, decently paid and allows me to work around school hours and avoid after-school and holiday care. I would've loved to go to med school (one day, maybe), but this path was the best choice to facilitate a stable and happy home life, with minimal stress.

Home was chosen for it's proximity to work, and the hours give us plenty of time to cook frugal healthy meals, spending around $220/month on food (aust, so prices aren't cheap here either). For the past (and next) 10 yrs, life has been structured around raising a healthy, happy kid. After that, gosh, who knows?

I don't know how helpful that was. My best advice is to work on a strong bond/alliance with the children's other parent. While you may not love them/want to be married to them, having two parents who could harmoniously work together in the kids best interest is a massive advantage, IMO.

[szmaine]

I am a single parent, widowed not divorce so I do not have some of the same constraints that you do.

You have a company car and phone....can you get reimbursement for the tolls if they are work related? If so you could try asking, $100 a month is pretty high!

What is your TV/internet deal. Lots of folks here just have internet only and subscribe to a low cost streaming service like netflicks....do you have an option like this available?

I agree that your food bill is pretty high especially if the kids are with your ex part time. Does that include frequent eating at restaurants/ take out? A search here will give you lots of info on how to cook at home and do meal planning.
A good website for nutritious, economical recipes is Budget Bytes.

[Thegoblinchief]

Canada is more expensive for food, but based on many past Canadian threads you should be able to get the food down below $400, possibly even lower.

Should also be able to get the Internet cost down if you ditch the TV.

[Singledadstach]

Thanks for all the responses everyone!

I am definitely trying to reduce the price of food.  It does not include any meals out.  I cook and meal prep.  Canada has some of the highest grocery prices in the world, especially here in ontario.

My tv/internet is actually 80 for internet and 8 for netflix.  The remaining 12 dollars is budgeted in case we go over our data limit.  I am working on reducing this soon but internet is a lot more expensive here than in the US.

Szmaine - im sorry for your loss.

I think my best option is to try to increase my income.

Singledadstach

[SingleMomDebt]

Our finances are similar and I have a single parent status. You're fortunate to have the co. car and cellphone. Thats where you make up giving the kids classes.

Food runs us $520/m. But have a household of 2. Following. Interested in hearing the responses because single parenting offers challenges and believe the goals are different because of it.

And the road is a slow and steady pace (of course doesn't have to be, but for me staying in my HCOL place is important to me due to stability for XYZ reasons).

[FLA]

I'm going to send you a message because I discuss how my ex-husband handled his finances and I shouldn't be sharing them in that amount of detail in case he ever smartens up and becomes mustachian, lol

[Dee18]

Another single parent here.  You don't mention how old your children are so my advice is pretty general.  After several years of paying after school care at my daughter's school, I found out that many parents used a church program next door that was $200 for the year!  I have no idea if such programs exist where you are, but I merely mention it as an example of how asking around might, just might, give you more options. ( My daughter liked the church program much better, too, as they had quiet rooms for homework and outside and a gym for play. ) as for piano lessons, do the kids want to do that?  If so, fine.  If not, I'd skip it.  Above all, be sure as they grow that you do not feel that they have to have certain things or lessons just because others are doing them.  Also, be sure to have the kids do what they can to help, such as with food prep and laundry.  If you start young enough, they will think it is fun while they develop those skills.  Best of luck!

[Flyingkea]

I'm curious as to the condo fee - what's that all about?
And is drycleaning a requirement for work, or is that something that might be eliminated?

[zephyr911]

I'm curious as to the condo fee - what's that all about?

Typical items (may not all apply):
Exterior structural insurance
Cleaning and maintenance of common areas
Trash and other utilities (water, heat, cable, etc)
Management salaries

And is drycleaning a requirement for work, or is that something that might be eliminated?

Good question, and I second it.
I fell into the trap of buying dry-clean-only clothing a few times, but I've started avoiding it when I hit the thrift store work clothes.
If you're stuck with a bunch of those now, I'd suggest gradually retiring them. In the interim, consider using them less, and if you're not already doing it, aerate and wear again if they're not dirty. Summer might have been a bad time for that but it's fall and winter is coming - sweat is unlikely, so reserve the paid cleanings for mud splashes and the like. Use the savings to pay for used clothing that you can wash at home.

[Alectejas]

Singledadstach,
I was a (widowed) single dad, although I have since remarried.  Reading about your situation,  I think you are doing well under tough circumstances.  Yes, you could move to a less expensive part of the country and live in a mobile home, but you can't do that and be a good father.  In my mind, being a father is way more important than retiring early. How old are the kids?  Any chance of increasing your income?  What are your long-term plans?
A.

[FiguringItOut]

I'm recently divorced with two teens, living in very HCOL area.  Finances are tough and I'm still figuring out our day to day expenses.  Trying to make it on about $4,200 a month budget after all savings.  It's tough though.  And very stressful at times. 

Best of luck to you.  Will follow the thread.

[Flyingkea]

Quote from: Flyingkea on Today at 07:58:30 AM
I'm curious as to the condo fee - what's that all about?
Typical items (may not all apply):
Exterior structural insurance
Cleaning and maintenance of common areas
Trash and other utilities (water, heat, cable, etc)
Management salaries
Quote

I guess I was trying to ask here, does he have a condo in addition to the house he lives (and has a mortgage on) or is that part of his current house?

[MsPeacock]

Well, so you aren't going to like this - but drop the martial arts classes. Goals are good but when money is tight you have to drop certain things. If you have been doing it for a while then maybe you can practice at home. I am a single mom of two kids (age 8 and 12). I have been divorced for a few years now. I used to have a gym membership and had to give it up (along w/ a lot of other stuff) when I separated because there simply was no room in the budget for it. Prior to that I had gone to the gym on pretty much a daily basis for the past 10 years or so.

The good news is - now about 4 or 5 years later I was just able to sign up again for the gym. You will have another opportunity for the martial arts - but this is an easy change to make.

See if you can switch internet providers or drop to the slowest possible service (which is still fine for streaming).

Childcare is expensive - I pay that much for after school a few days per week for one kid. The good news is - kids get older! I'm not sure how old your littles are, but at some point they will age out of after school care and that money will be back in your pocket.

Keeping close track on groceries and seeing if you can cut down here and there may help. Does the $600 include other household stuff like toilet paper, detergent, cleaning supplies? If so than the $600 may not be as bad as it sounds.

[obstinate]

Considering your income, the amount you're spending on non-necessities for your kids is pretty generous. You're also spending a relatively high proportion of your income on housing. You're not doing badly, but you're solidly middle class and without increasing your income or slashing your spending to the bones it's going to be tricky.

Concur with the other folks who say to drop martial arts.

[FLA]

I know several people who are good enough to teach the little kids class and they got free adult classes in exchange.  One guy cleaned the dojo for 3 hrs a week and got free classes

[FrugalFan]

I actually think you are doing really well. However, there doesn't seem to be any room in your budget for house repairs and maintenance, clothing, gifts, emergencies, vacations. It does seem as though trying to increase your income might be helpful in increasing your savings, as there doesn't seem to be much room to cut.

[FLA]

I actually think you are doing really well. However, there doesn't seem to be any room in your budget for house repairs and maintenance, 

maybe the condo fees cover this stuff?

[calimom]

Widowed single parent here.  Somewhat different circumstances, but I can relate to always watching the bottom line and trying to stem the $$ that can occur.

Some good suggestions here.  To reinvigorate your savings, any big ticket items not currently in use that could be sold?  Boat, motorcycle, etc?  And agree about the food bill.  Mine was out of control over the summer with three kids, extra friends visiting, camping trips and a momentary inability to say "no" to certain things.  I've since reined it in.  Even if you cut back $100 per month, that would be $1200 going to savings.

When are the kids with their mom?  Any chance of some side work to bring in extra income during that time?  Are there other alternatives to the after school program that might work?  And remember, that expense doesn't last forever - I gave myself a savings "raise" when my youngest aged out of Montessori preschool. 

To me, your kids' activities don't seem crazy expensive.  I'm a fan of keeping kids busy and physically active.  Compared to what some other parents spend, this doesn't raise a lot of eyebrows with me.  Bartering is always good, so if there was a way to knock down the karate costs as others suggested, that would be a cool solution.

[Boganvillia]

Martial arts should stay, IMO. The single parenting life has its challenges and a personal interest which trains and supports your mental and physical discipline could justify its expense. It's good role modelling for the kids too - 'dad has his interest and gives it priority' - and will keep you connected to a community beyond work.

Ideas for upping the income that single parents I know do use: taking in a boarder, taking a night job on the nights the other parent has the kids.

People at least do understand the constraints and don't expect you to partake in expensive activities.

(My credentials: I was a single parent for 6 years. The frugality muscles did get very strong!)

[BPA]

I am Canadian and have been a single parent since I was 32 which was 15 years ago.  Food does seem high to me.  Unless you are living in the far north, you can bring that down.

The biggest cost savers for me were living without a car and living near work.

Good luck.

[gt7152b]

I would plan on moving into a smaller place. You only need 2 bedrooms. The kids are probably only spending 3 nights a week with you at most. It will save quite a bit on the mortgage, property fees, tax, insurance, and utilities. There is always a way to cut back on food spending. Focus on real foods and avoid pre- packaged convenience. I know it's tough being single but you only have to feed yourself half the time. Make a big meal that can last all week.

Can you find employment closer to where you live or maybe a remote work position? Your current company might even be open to it since they'll save on the car costs. Do your kids even enjoy piano? You might be able to get them interested in a different instrument that they'll want to practice and learn on their own. We found free music lessons for our kids and they even lend out instruments. The kids are excited about it because they got to choose instruments and are always breaking them out to practice on their own. I would cut the swim lessons and just teach them yourself.

Buy some nice clippers and clip your monthly haircut costs away.

[BPA]

When you say toll roads, do you mean the 407?  Technically that is avoidable.  Whether it's worth it or not is another matter.

Also, I live in Ontario and my food costs for me and two kids, (who are with me most of the time) has always been less than $600.  Here are some tips on how to bring that down:
1.  Shop the loss leaders/flyers.  I commute by bike, so I don't incur more charges for gas or wear and tear on a car.  I pick three stores/week to shop at and get the best deals that way.
2.  Cook from scratch whenever possible.
3.  Find inexpensive go to meals.  My kids love homemade mac and cheese and chili which is not expensive to make.  Check out budgetbytes.com.

It can be done.

I'm 47 and quitting in 2.5 months. 

[merci001]

In general, I agree with the poster who said keep the martial arts. I'm single with two. I adopted my two kids as a single so I've always been the sole provider. I make a decent living but it is tight. I recently rejoined the Y in my area so I can swim for exercise. I used to run but now have arthritis in my knees and it's bad enough that running, and sometimes even walking, can be problematic. For me, not only is swimming a great exercise, but more importantly, it's a great stress reliever and that is worth much more than the monthly membership fee in my opinion. For years I let my Y membership go due to cost and I really kind of regret that decision.  All that said, if you do decide to cut the martial arts from the budget, I strongly encourage you to take up a "free" activity for yourself, ie; biking, running, joining a baseball team, hockey team, etc.   

My kids are 11 and 15. I still pay for afterschool care for my youngest.  I allow my kids one activity at a time, both for cost reasons and for my own sanity.  My youngest is currently playing soccer through the park board, my oldest is involved in ultimate frisbee through her HS, so cost for these activities is fairly minimal. Is it possible to have your kids take only swimming or only piano?  Maybe they could switch off-take swimming for a period of time, then take a break and take piano for awhile.  This might give you a little extra breathing room.